Roommates s01e03 Episode Script

- Have you seen - Mark, Katie's gone You've missed your mornig ritual of pretending not to stare at her while she eats.
She's so cute when she eats.
I'd like to see you make a move I'm sharing for you but it's like watching soccer, it's lot of activity but nothing ever goes in.
So, let me get this straight.
You want that double decaf? What's the point, it's decaf.
New guy! Dean, Dean, Dean.
There's a girl out there I need you to go and distract her.
She's my best friend Katie.
I can't let her see me, I've been lying to her about working here.
It's embarrassing.
I mean, it's fine for you.
But I had my dream job as a tv executive until I got fired.
And I haven't told her about my job situation yet because she looks up to me and if she found out, it would break her heart.
Can you help me out? I am deaf.
Katie just came into my coffee shop! Call her and make something up, fast! - I'm in the middle of something.
- You're in the middle of nothing.
Do it! - Where are you? - I'm at "Brew you," getting coffee.
I thought you might be.
You know how you really like Brad Pitt? Really? Around the corner? Oh my god! Everybody! Brad and Angelina are around the corner feeding the homeless! James, check it out.
Did you ever see this video of the horny camel chasing the naked fat guy around a field? Look, Mark, even the camel makes a move when he sees someone he wants.
Just taking a little break from the job search.
When you get back to it, see if you can find something for Hope so - she can get out of that coffee shop.
- Wait, you know about Hope's job? - How? - She's working right around the corner.
I walk by there just to see her duck down behind the counter.
Then when I leave, she pops up.
Up, down, up, down.
She's like a whack-a-mole.
- Katie, how was your day? - Did you guys check the calendar? Is today "suck day"? I really can't stand my boss.
I need a new job.
It's about time.
You need to move on.
I really do.
And you have such a great job, being a big tv executive.
I just feel like such a loser compared to you.
You'll get there.
Thanks.
I would really throw in the towel if it weren't for you.
You're my Beacon of Hope.
Check it out.
I've been online looking for jobs all day.
This one would be perfect for you.
I'm your Beacon of Mark.
"Entry level opening in ad sales and marketing for advanced media.
" - That's your company, Hope.
- Is it? Yes, it is.
Good eye, Mark.
Oh my god, we could work together! Wouldn't that be amazing? It would be very amazing.
Hope, you should put in a good word for her at your company Where you work.
That would be great.
The human resources guy's name is right here in the listing.
- I'll just call him.
- No! I mean, there's a better guy A guy above the guy.
I'll call that guy and make sure to get you the best possible shot.
That would be great.
What's his name? It's Chip Wall Fridge.
Wallfridge, Chip Wallfridge.
I don't know.
Do you really want to live and work with someone? I have a story about that.
One time I worked with a roommate and It ended bad very bad.
It was not good.
That's a classic, Mark.
You're the best, Hope.
I'm going to get my resume ready.
Way to go! There are thousands of jobs on the internet and you managed to pick that one? Excuse me for not knowing the name of the company you don't work for.
Don't you still know somebody there that could put in a good word for her? I know.
You're going to be Chip Wallfridge.
- What? - You claim to be an actor.
Act.
Call Katie, say you're Chip Wallfridge and tell her there are no job openings.
Or you could just tell her the truth.
You heard her.
She looks up to me.
If she finds out I got fired, it'll crush her.
I let you move in because I could tell you're a good guy.
Dig down, man.
It's the right thing for Katie.
Promise.
Okay? Here.
Use this phone.
She won't recognize the number.
- But it's your phone.
- No, it's my "man phone.
" This is the number I give guys that I'm on the fence about.
It's kinda like my spam email account.
- Why don't you give them a fake number? - It's still nice to get called.
So this is her man phone.
Maybe I should get a lady phone.
Why? Good point.
I don't get it.
She pays extra money for a second phone for calls she doesn't want.
- It's crazy.
- Girls.
They're not only complicated "down there.
" Okay, I guess I should do this.
I'm Chip Wallfridge, head of ad sales, advanced media.
Hello? Hold for Chip Wallfridge.
I can't do it! I can't lie her.
You do it.
- I don't want to lie either.
- You don't have a secret crush on her.
- Please! - I can't make up something on the spot! Phil Mckrakken, associate of Chip Wallfridge.
We've been expecting your call.
So listen, here's the deal.
There is no job available at this time.
Welcome aboard.
See you monday.
See you monday? You hired Katie to do a job that doesn't exist? Why did you give me phone? I panic under pressure! Me too.
We should know these things about each other.
- So how'd it go with Katie? - It was fine.
- So we're all clear? - Clearish.
What do you mean "ish"? I went to Thom's, and - You got Thom involved? Involvedish.
Once again, I've made ms.
Pac man my bitch.
Hey, everybody.
I've got a secret.
I'm terrible at secrets.
I got the job! Did you hear that, Mark? That is Wild.
What happened? I didn't get to Chip Wallfridge.
But I did talk to his associate, Phil Mckrakken.
At first he said I couldn't have the job.
But then I thought to myself, "what would hope do?" So I dug down deep and with all the courage I could muster, I said, "please, Phil Mckrakken.
I will not take no for an answer.
" Phil Mckrakken, fantastic.
You need to call Katie back right now and tell her there's no job.
Do it.
I can do this.
Katie Bowman? It's Phil Mckrakken.
I have Chip Wallfridge for you.
Chip Wallfridge here.
Katie, nice to finally talk to you.
Listen, katie, I That said, the department was downsized today, so there's no job here at all.
I'll see you at home.
Not my home.
Your home.
I don't even know where you live, I I'm glad that's over.
- It's her, she's calling back.
- Answer it! Hello.
Katie, really, there are no jobs.
Don't cry.
I know it's been tough.
Sure, I've got a few minutes if you want to talk.
You you thought you were unattractive in high school? Please! That is nuts! But you were gorgeous in high school! Judging by your voice, I mean.
You're welcome.
Yes, this has been so much fun.
Keep your chin up about the job.
Good night, Katie.
Love you like you! Liked talking, loved chatting.
That's all, nothing more.
It's late.
Night.
I know that you talked to Katie half the night.
She was really bummed, so I called her back to make sure she was okay and I got sucked in.
Bad Mark! - Bad! - What? Hey, guys.
So, Hope, even though I'm really bummed about not getting that job, I sort of can't get Chip Wallfridge out of my mind.
I think we have a real connection.
Is that crazy? No, not crazy.
It's completely crazy.
Chip seems like an amazing guy.
So wise and funny and actually kinda sexy.
Sexy? You think Chip is sexy? Continue talking about Chip.
Okay, I will.
- I wanna call Chip back.
- You definitely shouldn't.
He's a private person.
Don't call him back.
I knew a guy who called someone back once.
It ended badly.
You should make a book of those.
You definitely should call him back.
Chip is one of greatest guys I've ever met.
- You know him? - Oh, yeah.
- What? - Remember, Hope? Chip gave us a ride home from one of your company picnics last year.
We stopped for coffee.
Great guy call him.
Call him now.
- He's married.
- Divorced.
- She came back.
- Then left again.
- He smokes.
- Quit.
- Started back up.
- On the patch.
- Big gambler.
- But good at it.
He sounds exciting.
I am calling him.
He didn't pick up.
How did you know I was working at a coffee shop? Little things Your boss called one night when you were late.
Or should I say latte? You got Wallfridge.
So what do you look like? I'm tall, I've got kind of wavy hair.
You sound like my roommate.
Really? What do you think of him? He's awesome.
He's a really great guy.
I don't know, I just thought when I left college my life would be special.
I mean, first I thought I wanted to be a novelist.
Really? That's great.
What did you want to write about? A girl who wanted to be a novelist.
I also wanted to be a photographer.
In my sophomore year, I took over 200 photos of just my feet.
You should write a novel about a girl who wants to take photos of her feet.
Would you like to go out with me sometime? You're breaking up Going through a tunnel Mark, stop, I'm on the phone! Chip? So last night I was feeling really down and I had such a great connection with Chip.
So I called him to talk.
And he answered? Oh, yeah.
"You got Wallfridge.
" He's all business until you get to know him.
Anyway, I think I might have messed up with him.
We were really clicking and I asked him out.
And what did Chip say to that, the old Chipster? I think he wanted to say yes, but there was something holding him back.
And I feel like I might have crossed a line with him so I just want to go apologize in person.
Put a face with a name and just be done with it.
Let me re-shower and we'll go.
Let me re-accessorize.
Wake up, wake up, wake up! What? Katie's getting dressed! Well, it is morning.
Katie's getting dressed to go and meet Chip.
She asked him out, he got flustered now she wants to go to his office to meet him in person.
Call her now.
The battery's dead.
Morning, Mark.
Which earrings should I wear to meet Chip in? I'll be right there.
Just talking to Mark about a personal issue.
Fix it.
Namaste.
Thom, Katie is on her way to meet Chip.
I'd do it, but she'd recognize my number.
Call her and say something to stop her! And don't panic.
Thom, this is huge for me.
Perfect timing.
I am so calm.
I got my heart rate down to six beats per minute.
Katie Bowman? It's Phil, Chip's associate.
Katie, we need to talk.
What's wrong? I just got the worst phone call.
Chip Wallfridge committed suicide.
I am such an awful person, babbling on about writing novels about a girl who takes photographs of her feet while he was in so much pain.
I mean, I never even got to meet him, but I am going to that funeral.
It's either tell her or we have to fake a funeral.
Fine.
I'm going to do this fast, because it's going to hurt.
I got fired from my TV job.
I work at a coffee shop.
I've been lying to you.
There is no Chip Wallfridge.
I made him up by looking at snacks so you wouldn't find out the truth.
Then who have I been talking to? Because that guy is toast.
It was me.
I'm Chip Wallfridge.
Really? You? I told you secrets and shared with you.
I'm sorry, Katie.
I guess I got caught up acting like a chick on the phone.
I think Mark is starting to rub off on me.
Again, sorry.
You must be so mad at me.
No, I'm not mad.
I mean, here I am beating myself up because I don't think I'm as good as you, but all the time you've been working in a coffee shop.
And now, because of your lies, I look like a huge idiot.
You know what? I think I might be mad.
No no I'm past mad.
I am completely pissed off! Thanks, man.
You caught me in a weak moment.
I hate myself so much right now.
What are you watching? "Friends.
" Ironic, huh? Katie, I'm sorry.
I've been really selfish.
I had myself convinced that the reason for not telling you about getting fired was that it would hurt you, that you would think that if I failed, you might fail.
But the truth is I was ashamed.
I just feel awful.
I'm a jerk.
And an idiot.
And a terrible friend.
And a come on, I'm running out of bad things to say about myself.
Bad, Hope! Bad! Okay, so does this mean we're good? I am so sorry.
I think we're both just having a tough time.
Hey, what's going on? They might start making out.
Someone's dressed for the evening.
Yeah, this british guy called my man phone.
Who is it? I don't know, but he said I gave him the number.
Remember when we were playing darts at that bar and those rugby players bought us drinks? - It has to be one of those guys.
- Of course.
A flower for my flower.