Saved by the Bell (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

- Hey, Ron, you need any help?
- Oh, I don't think so.
I already bought the ice cream,
and I certainly
don't need help eating it.
[both chuckling]
- I was, uh--
I was talking about all this.
- Oh, that.
Judy needed more space
for Rick's Bowflex,
so we agreed to kick me out.
It's for the best.
I mean,
you can't beat the commute.
[chuckling]
- Wait. You're living here?
- What? No.
That'd be against the law.
And you would tell, right?
- Let's pre-game at my place
before the ice cream social.
Aisha, are you in?
- Hell, yeah!
Wouldn't miss it, girl!
- Oh, Yasmin,
we should go to bio.
We're dissecting frogs,
and I'm gonna faint.
[bell rings]
- Bye! See you at the pre-game!
- [imitating Aisha] Hell, yeah.
Wouldn't miss it girl.
[giggles]
- So what if I'm excited
to go to the ice cream social?
If you think it's lame,
don't go.
- I have to go
'cause of student council.
You think I want to spend
my Friday night at school
scooping ice cream?
No, I want to try the new
decaffeinated tea I just got
and fall asleep reading.
- You are so judgmental
about Bayside.
- [scoffs]
No, I'm not!
There's plenty of Bayside stuff
I'm not judgmental about.
- Like what?
- These floors are clean.
- Mm.
- I guess the person of color
they underpaid to clean them
did a great job.
- See?
Yo, if you could make it one
week without hating on Bayside,
I'll give you 50 bucks.
Ooh, I've been hanging out
with too many rich kids.
I'll give you 50 cents.
- Deal.
- Deal.
- Hey, ladies,
I just met the hottest girl.
Her name's Pamela,
and she's a perfect ten.
I mean, blonde hair,
gorgeous smile,
and she just had
really bad mono,
so you know she does tongues.
- Mm.
Wow, what do you think
about that, Daisy?
- Yeah.
- I think it's cool.
Congratulations
on your new love.
- Guys, I just met
the girl of my dreams.
Blonde hair, killer smile,
recently sick.
[record scratches]
- It's the same girl.
- Wait, yo, J-Dog.
You also met a hot blonde
this morning?
- That's right.
- Do you think--
both: We should both ask
our separate girls
to the ice cream social
Friday night?
- Yeah!
- Yes!
[bell rings]
When I wake up
in the mornin'
Alarm gives out a warnin'
I don't think I'll ever
make it on time
By the time
I grab my books
And I give myself a look
I'm at the corner,
just in time
It's all right,
it's all right
Saved by the bell
It's all right,
it's all right
Saved by the bell
It's all right
'Cause I'm saved
by the bell
[bell rings]
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey, buddy!
Free seat over here.
Let's do our secret handshake.
- We don't have a secret--
- Whatever you do is right
Whenever you stop,
it's done
That was horrible.
- [clears throat]
Hello.
Oh, my God!
Okay. Don't look now.
My dream girl just walked in.
[light music]
- Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait.
My dream girl just walked in.
- Yours?
- Uh-huh.
- You know what this means?
[record scratches]
- Thank God.
both: Our future girlfriends
are best friends?
- Dude! Come on!
[record scratches]
I honestly think
she's going to be
the mother of my children.
- Um, well
I guess maybe,
but you can always adopt,
J-Dog.
- Oh, I mean,
well, yeah, of course.
- Yeah, man.
- Okay, kids.
Settle down, please.
- I know last-minute assemblies
are never good news,
but this one is not
as bad as the last one.
No one's parents
were lost at sea.
- Have my parents been found?
- Uh, no.
Listen, last night,
the school's brand-new iPads
were stolen
out of my room--office.
And until they are returned,
the ice cream social
is canceled.
- Dude!
[students clamoring]
- Hey! Hey!
Sorry, guys.
My house, my rules.
And again,
it's not my house,
because I don't live here.
- We are launching a thorough
and, more importantly,
ethical investigation.
- That's right, Jessie.
We're calling it the
"Snitches Get Riches" Program.
- Um, I thought we said no more
disciplinary experiments
without running them
by me first.
- The "Snitches Get Riches"
Program
is a tattle raffle,
and great idea
that we all agree on.
Now, if anybody thinks they
know who stole those iPads,
just write their name down,
put it in here,
and you just might win
a Vizio LED smart TV
with two years
of Geek Squad Protection.
Are there any questions?
Well,
I don't see any hands,
so assembly dismissed.
- Okay, somebody
throw it at him.
- But he said don't.
- [sighs]
Really?
- It's, like, so messed up
they canceled
the ice cream social.
- Mm, yeah.
- [sighs] I just wish
if someone knew who did it,
they'd come forward.
You know, if, like, it was,
like, their cousin
or their friend
from the bus
or an opponent
from a rival dance crew.
- Wait, do you think
I know who did it?
[scoffing and laughing]
- Oh, my God. No, Aisha, no!
I would never say that
out loud.
- Okay. Just--just--
just throw it at him!
Just go ahead and throw it!
- Don't.
- Do people keep asking you
if you know
who stole all the iPads?
- Yeah!
They obviously think
a Douglas kid did it
and we're covering it up.
- How dare they all assume
that we know
who stole the iPads.
- I mean, it was DeVante,
right?
We know he stole them.
- Oh, yeah. He's 100% guilty.
- Like, we would
never tell on him, but--
- Obviously!
[sighs]
But he literally did
the same thing back at Douglas.
Granted, those weren't iPads.
They were RadioShack
Infotainment Squares.
- Mm.
But the Bayside kids don't
know that we know all that.
[scoffs]
It's so unfair.
Like, DeVante makes us
all look bad.
Now I know
how pro basketball players
who don't cheat
on their wives feel.
- We've had this conversation
a million times.
They all cheat.
- Not Sue Bird.
- Don't say "not Sue Bird."
- All right.
She loves Megan.
That's all I'm saying.
- You know what's weird?
How we both met a girl
and fell in love
on the same day.
- Statistically,
it was bound to happen.
- True.
- I can't take it anymore.
- Mm, I'd keep my judgmental
opinions to myself.
Unless you hate having 50 cents
in your pocket.
- I don't know what poor-o bet
you two are making,
but Aisha's right.
Bayside mating rituals
are always more complicated
than they seem.
Best to stay out of it
and let it run its course.
- It's too bad
about the ice cream social.
That was gonna be the perfect
date for me and Pamela.
- Wait,
your girl's name is Pamela?
That's my girl's name, too.
- Wait, but that means--
both: We only have to write
one Valentine's Day rap.
- Yeah!
- Yes.
[coins rattle on table]
- It's the same Pamela, idiots!
- [scoffs]
Nuh-uh.
- No, no, no,
My girl is like this.
- Exactly. And my Pamela
is like this.
- Uh-huh.
both:
[gasp] No!
- Hey, guys! Oh, since
the ice cream social is off,
I'm having a party
on Friday night
at my stepmom's stepmom's
Malibu beach house.
So check your email
for invites.
- I'm taking Pamela
to that party.
- No. I'm taking Pamela
to that party.
- Hey, look, there's a
perfectly reasonable way
to settle this.
A winner-take-all gentlemen's
prank war for her heart.
- No.
- Hey, Jamie, are you okay?
Or did some dumb bitch
ruin everything
by opening
her dumb-bitch mouth?
- Mac is so much better
at this stuff than me.
You know,
one time he tricked me
into falling in love with him
so he could steal my car.
- Ah.
- [sighs]
Damn, he looked good
driving that droptop.
See? I still feel it.
Hey, Pamela would be crazy
not to pick you.
You're so hot and popular.
You're like Justin Bieber
if he wasn't, like,
100 years old.
- Oh. Thank you, Lexi.
- Mm-hmm.
[chuckling]
Daisy,
when somebody who gets paid
to sell Casper mattresses
on Instagram gives you advice,
you listen.
You should have stayed
out of this.
- Hey, did you guys get
Yasmin's invite?
- Mm, yeah. It's right here.
- Oh.
[chuckles]
Maybe mine went to spam.
Is her email address
pumpit@penismasters.biz?
- Ugh, how do I say this
in a nice way?
She didn't invite you.
But your shirt is good.
- Let me guess.
None of the Douglas kids
were invited.
- Hey.
I know what you did.
- No, thanks.
- I know you stole those iPads,
'cause you did the same thing
back at Douglas.
- Those weren't iPads.
Those were garbage.
They only had one app on them
called "American Facebook,
not from Russia."
They were very hard to sell.
- Can you just do
the right thing for once
and give them back?
- Can you just
mind your business?
- This is my business.
You're making
all the Douglas kids look bad.
I'm the freakin' quarterback
of the football team.
I shouldn't be excluded
from parties
'cause your ass don't--
- There it is.
So this ain't about
doing the right thing,
because if it was,
you would've brought
this up back at Douglas.
But you didn't.
So I wonder
why you're bringing it up
now that we go to Hogwarts.
- No, that's not why,
and don't try
to make it about that.
- Yeah, see,
you only care about this
'cause you don't want
to look bad
in front of your
little white friends.
- [scoffs]
First of all, uh,
Yasmin's dad is half-Persian.
Look, you stole those iPads,
and that's wrong.
- Yep.
And I'm not giving them back.
Now what?
- Now this.
This makes sense
if you just heard
the end of my previous
conversation, okay?
[bell rings]
- Oh, hey, Jamie. Isn't,
uh, Pamela in this class?
The object of our
gentlemen's prank war?
- Is she? Hmm.
I hadn't realized.
[door opens]
[clears throat]
Hey, dude, um, no offense,
but you smell
like hella dog poop.
- Yeah, I should hope so.
[whimpering]
Oh, I've been volunteering
at an animal rescue.
Hey, girl.
This is for you.
- What?
- So she's just going to
hold a dog all through class?
[door opens]
[bell rings]
- [sighs]
Okay, students,
dogs, take your seats.
You have the whole class
to finish your quiz,
because I need to finish
writing an angry letter
to Tinder
about the quality of the
responses I've been getting.
- I have a delivery for
a "future Mrs. Pamela Spano."
- Pretty romantic, huh?
Wait till you hear the poem.
- I've been instructed
to read this poem.
- Um, can you not?
We're in the middle of a quiz.
- [clears throat]
"Roses are red,
violets are blue
Jamie is married,
but Mac says--"
- Hey, boo.
- Damn it! How?
- [whispering]
Psst! Daisy!
Daisy!
Switch seats with me
so I can sit next to Pamela.
- No! Shh!
- She's in the middle
of a quiz. Leave her alone!
Daisy! Daisy!
Switch seats with me
so I can sit next to Pamela!
Please!
- Ugh! Fine, Jamie! Take it!
Whatever will get you two
to shut up!
- Hey.
- Aw
I guess you won.
Wait.
[desk whirring]
- Whoa!
Dude, come on!
Not fair!
- Mac, stop it!
- Shh, shh.
- Daisy, be quiet.
The other students are trying
to take their quiz.
- [stammering]
[Jamie groans]
- Hey, beautiful.
Can I buy you a drink?
- What's happening?
Is she doing it?
Is he buying her a drink?
[desk whirring]
- Hey, um, people are saying
they saw you put a name
in the snitch box.
- Maybe.
Not that it's
any of your business.
- So you're really going
to get me in trouble
just 'cause you didn't get
invited to some dumb-ass party?
- You did the wrong thing
and stole.
So I did the right thing,
and I told on you.
- Hmm. Mm. Okay.
So 30 iPads.
So that's a felony, right?
Damn, I'm probably going to be
in jail for a couple years.
Not ideal.
Not ideal at all.
You know, 'cause both
of my parents are gone
and I take care of my grandma.
Oh, but you love
doing the right thing.
So you'll step in.
Yeah, you'll give her
her insulin shots
and fill out
her Medicare paperwork.
Pick up her teeth
when she throws them at the TV
'cause someone tried
to lie to Judge Judy.
You'll do
all those things, right?
Cool. Thanks.
- Bro, what you just did
in there was messed up.
You know I love her, right?
- No, I love her!
All I want to do is stare
at her blue or brown eyes!
Eye?
Eyes!
- Oh, my God!
Neither of you love her!
You haven't even
heard her speak!
Can she?
You don't know.
I'm ending this, now.
- No, Daisy!
What are you doing?
- Mac and Jamie both like you.
Do you want to go to Yasmin's
party with either of them?
- Great! Done.
- [chuckles]
- This whole stupid thing
is over. Hurray!
- Ha! I won!
I won Pamela's heart!
- [scoffs] I can't believe
you just did that!
No one
in the history of Bayside
has ever short-circuited
a gentlemen's prank war before.
[scoffing]
- Oh, sorry, I don't need
a romantic serenade anymore.
Actually, can you play
"Bitch Better Have My Money"?
[violin plays]
- So you really snitched
on DeVante?
- No. Do not try
to guilt-trip me.
That sob story about his family
was probably made up.
I bet his real grandma is,
like, rich and hella strong.
- Do you think you're maybe
being kind of hard on him?
He's still one of us.
- [scoffs]
Why do people keep saying that?
I'm not like him.
- Do you remember
in middle school
when you got your braids done
for class pictures
and you wanted
to add pink hair?
You didn't 'cause you thought
it looked too ghetto,
but then our teacher,
Ms. Winston--
- Freakin' Ms. Winston.
[speaking Spanish]
- Uh, right.
She called your regular
not-pink braids "ghetto"
anyway.
Sometimes people are just
Ms. Winstons.
Some of the Bayside kids
are going to paint
all the Douglas kids
with the same brush,
no matter what we do.
DeVante did a bad thing.
But you're blaming him
for how those other kids
are making you feel.
- [crying]
Stop it, Lexi.
[door opens]
Crying in a bathroom stall
is so basic.
[door closes]
[continues crying]
- Lexi?
Is that you?
- You.
You ruined everything
in your JC Penney "stern frump"
collection sweater.
- It's Kelly Clarkson
for Kohl's.
- Did it ever occur to you
that maybe I have complicated
feelings for Jamie
and that all of Mac
and Jamie's little schemes
to win Pamela's heart
existed within a larger scheme
for me to win Jamie's?
- How could that possibly
have occurred to me?
- Okay. Let me
break it down for you.
I like Jamie.
And for the past 11 months,
I've been looking for
the perfect opportunity
to tell him.
And if you had just
minded your own business
and let it run its course,
Mac would have
won Pamela's heart,
Jamie would have been
devastated,
and I could've swooped in
and revealed my feelings
at the romantic
ice cream social
when Jamie was
at his most vulnerable.
- I'm sorry,
I really want to hear this,
but I do have to pee.
- Hold it.
- Please
- When you interfered
and made Pamela choose
prematurely,
it completely screwed up
my Lexi-con.
"Lexi-cons" are what
I call my schemes.
- Well, wouldn't it be easier
if you just ask him out?
- You're so judgmental.
[scoffs]
- I think Eric
stole the iPads.
Maybe you should give us
both detention
and lock us
in the room together,
and as punishment,
we have to kiss 100 times.
- I'm not sure who to tell,
but I think Toddman
lives at the school now.
I saw him walking around
in a bathrobe
holding a shower caddie.
- Aisha?
What are you doing?
Are you busting
into the snitch box?
- Wait, why would you do
something like that, unless
[both groan]
You stole the iPads.
[indistinct whispering]
- [whispering] She stole them.
- [whispering] That's her.
- Stop whispering.
I can hear you.
- Sorry, we have to whisper.
We're in the library.
We think you're a thief.
Sorry.
- [sighs]
This sucks.
Everyone thinks I did it.
Like, any minute now,
Toddman's going to call me
into his office,
and everyone's
going to go, "Ooh!"
And I'll be branded
the Bayside thief.
- So what are you going to do?
- It doesn't matter.
Now I know that no matter
how much I try
to distance myself
from DeVante,
these kids are always going
to think of us as the same.
You were right. This school
is full of Ms. Winstons.
Freakin' "Precious Moments"
collectin'-ass,
Joann Fabrics lovin'-ass bitch.
- Okay.
- [over PA]Aisha Garcia,
to my office, please.
- [scoffs]
Come on.
[students oohing]
Yeah, that's right. "Ooh!"
I stole the iPads.
You got me.
Nobody want's your lame-ass
JanSport, Mason!
Yasmin literally
has a Fendi bag.
I would obviously steal that.
- We don't think you took
the iPads, Aisha,
but we think
you might know who did.
- Yeah, well, even if I did,
I wouldn't tell you.
- Oh, that's a big problem.
- I'm sorry, but I'm not going
to give the people here
another reason to look at us
all like we're criminals.
- No, the problem
I'm referring to
is that I just found
the box of iPads
right under my desk.
They were shoved
behind this box of photos
of me and Judy on vacation.
- Wait,
so no one took the iPads?
- Niagara Falls.
God, she filled out
that rain poncho.
Anyway,
all's well that ends well.
What do you say we just keep
this between ourselves?
- Ron!
- All right, I'll do it!
I'll make an announcement.
[P.A. clicks on]
Hey, everybody!
So, uh
[dance music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
- Where's
your girlfriend, loser?
- Where's your girlfriend?
Oh, wait, that's right.
She doesn't exist.
Just like Santa
I found out recently.
- Hey, first off,
Santa is real, bro.
He exists in the hearts
of all who believe.
- Yeah.
- And second off, this
- [gasps]
- [scoffs] Jokes on you.
My penis was hot anyways.
- Oh.
[students clamoring]
- Hey! Hey!
Hey, knock it off!
My office, now!
Okay, I've seen this before.
This whole competition
isn't over a girl at all.
You're both just trying
to one-up each other
and prove you're
the big man on campus.
They call it
toxic masculinity.
Forget about this stupid fight.
Your friendship--
that's what really matters.
- What friendship?
- Too far!
- Hey! Hey!
Come on, guys.
Look, when I was
in high school,
I constantly used to fight
with my best friend
over a hot girl.
[chuckles]
Oh, it was actually your dad.
Over your mom!
Anyway, look.
Then I just found another girl
that I really liked,
and I started hooking up
with her instead.
Wait, that was your mom.
Anyway, look,
what I'm trying to say here is,
girls, they come and go.
The only thing that really
matters here is friendship.
Now, that is forever.
- But you don't even talk
to my dad anymore.
And I know that 'cause my mom
was sending out Christmas cards
and she goes,
"Should I send one to Slater?"
And he goes, "Nah,
I don't talk to him anymore."
- It would have been nice
to get one of those.
Got a cool collection
of fridge magnets.
Nothing to hang.
- And you keep saying
that none of this matters,
but according to your story,
it totally mattered.
Like, Mac's dad winning
that battle was probably
one of the most important
things he ever did.
- Yeah, if he didn't win,
I wouldn't exist.
- Oh, my God. That's true.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So the girl we fight over now
could end up
being our future wife?
When I think about it
like that, I mean
I just know that Pamela
is not the one for me.
- Me either.
- Best friends again?
- Yeah. Until there's another
girl we're both attracted to.
- Great!
- Sweet!
Thanks, Coach.
- Yeah.
[sniffles]
[clears throat]
Really glad we had this talk.
- Yeah.
- I appreciate it.
- Me too. Do you feel better?
- I feel great.
- Me too. Good.
- [gasps]
- In a moment of weakness,
I confided in you
some very valuable information,
and I need to know what you're
planning on doing with it.
- What? The Jamie thing?
- Shh!
What are you going to do,
you sick bitch?
Extort me?
Sell it to Harvey Levin?
He won't print it.
He's my godfather.
- No! Lexi, I'm sorry
I messed up your plan.
And I promise you,
I will never tell anyone.
- Oh, my God.
I believe you.
- So no one else knows
about this?
- Absolutely not.
Okay, having a crush
is pathetic and relatable.
I don't want people knowing
there's something I want
that I can't have.
- Okay, and sorry.
W-why do you think
you can't have it?
- It's complicated.
Look, Jamie and I
have been friends forever.
We grew up next door
to each other.
I guess it's so scary. I mean,
like, what if I tell him
and things get weird
and he doesn't want
to be my friend anymore?
Then who am I going to wave
good night to every night?
Our other neighbor
is Simon Cowell,
and I promised myself
I would never return his wave.
- Wow, I--
I had no idea you had
all this going on.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry
I've been so judgmental.
- It's okay. I was judging
your T-zone this whole time.
Touching it will
only make it worse.
[dog barking, siren wailing]
- DeVante!
Yo!
Hey, I'm sorry, but I--
- Yo, shh!
I know I shouldn't be here and
I know that you're mad at me,
but I'm Ms. Winston.
I was afraid of what all the
Ms. Winstons thought about me,
but I was Ms. Winston
the whole time.
- No, thanks.
- Uh, you were right.
I only told on you 'cause
I thought you made me look bad.
And I'm sorry for that.
But I'm even more sorry
that it never occurred to me
that you didn't do it.
I had this idea in my head
about who you are.
- Why?
'Cause I stole that UPS truck
and sold all
the packages in it?
Or 'cause I jacked that Rascal
scooter outside of Target
and took it
for a very slow joyride?
- And because the other day,
you literally said, "I did it."
[chuckles]
Which I get now.
- Look, I did some bad stuff
at Douglas.
But you wanted a fresh start
at Bayside,
and you never stopped to think
that maybe I wanted one, too.
- I'm really sorry.
Do you forgive me?
- Only if you promise to
never come to my house again.
[both chuckle]
Come on, man.
Get out of here.
- Oh, and, um, all that stuff
you said about your grandma
and her medication and
you needing to help her, like--
- Aw, yeah, I made all that up
just to make you feel bad.
- Yeah, I thought so.
Okay, well, I'ma just
- DeVante, I need my shot!
And come pick up my teeth!
Judge Judy caught
this man in a lie,
talking about he don't know
who cut the tree down.
He knows!
- [chuckles]
You better go.
- Yeah, no. She's really scary.
- [chuckles]