Screw (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

Excuse me.
Hi, excuse me? Are you on Charlie Wing? Why? I'm Toby.
Phillips.
Grad Trainee.
Oh.
But hopefully not as big a twat as you're expecting.
I weren't expecting anything, so Oh, the SO hasn't mentioned me? Er, Miss Henry's not a big sharer, so But she is a brilliant officer, at least, that's what they say on other wings.
I'm really looking forward to learning from her.
You're in early.
So are you.
Wanted to make a good impression, first day and all that.
Well, as long as you weren't expecting an induction.
Are you waiting on me? Is that OK? It's nice not to have to walk onto a new wing alone.
Yeah.
Just Just a sec.
- Actually, earlier the better, probably.
- Yeah.
Connor Joyce.
All good, Miss Gill? Yeah, all, um Not meant to be taking that bag in, though, are you? Yeah, I know, but if I bring my lunch in a clear plastic bag, shit disappears - Full of thieves, innit? - Yeah, and I I haven't been searched since I started so I just thought, I'll bring my lunchbox in and fuck it, a shit-ton of drugs and an AK-47 He's threatened who? All I know is it was a non Muslim.
And Joyce told him he's got access to knives.
- Who's told you this? - One of the congregation Someone who doesn't like white converts? You know that's not how it works.
Once someone becomes a brother, we care for him, no matter what.
It was reported to me out of concern for Joyce, and I am concerned.
I think you should be, too.
He seems angry about something, but I can't get him to talk about it.
So, open the bag, please.
Yeah.
Oh, I actually wanted to be a bit early today, so What if I brought you a chocolate-spread sandwich later? You really think I'm that easy to corrupt, Miss Gill? I've told him "non-believer" doesn't mean "enemy" but He knows a lot about attacks by radicals on the out.
Are you saying he's a threat? I'm saying he needs help.
I'll still be expecting my sandwich at lunchtime.
Fine.
Bye.
And you have got the toilets to the left here.
This is Toby, everyone.
You've met Rose.
Um, Ali.
Don.
Selfish pissbag only making himself coffee is Gary.
That's the boss.
This is Mr Phillips, he's a Grad Trainee and he's already spent time on other wings, so let's assume he'll last longer than the recruits we usually get.
Right, anyone? Mr Phillips? - Is this "shamboiling"? - You've heard about it? It was all the rage on A Wing they boil the bottle, inhale the fumes.
Doesn't even work, apparently.
Don't tell me.
Caplan.
And Chunk, caught by Night Duty Oh, if anyone needs a shampoo, it's Chunk Drugs must be fucking scarce Which is good, but this is dangerous so eyes out for anyone with extra shampoo, especially you two.
I want you on AFCs this week.
Accommodation Fabric Checks.
I know Yeah, I know We're behind and it'll be good for you to meet the wing.
Great.
I'd also love to get some time with you Could you do Connor Joyce's cell in the first batch, search his belongings? You're looking for weapons.
Why, have we got intel? Joyce.
I think he smashed his cell up on A Wing? That's why we got him.
He's converted to Islam since and has been making threats towards non Muslims.
- Mr Shah, have you heard anything? - Why me? Because if Muslim prisoners are worried about Joyce, they're more likely to talk to you.
I'm banning him from Friday Prayers until he engages with us Now, that might make things worse Hang on, hang on, some white scruff turns Muslim and you're worried about him influencing them? We need to take this seriously.
If there's a credible threat to non Muslims, then officers are higher-value targets than prisoners.
Should be celebrating his own culture, except then he'd be called "racist" Oi.
Leave it.
Talk to Franklin on the hotplate Oh, he always does.
He's his hero.
And on roll count, once again, we count heads, not beds.
Fantastic.
What a sprog.
Careful with that one, his sort don't get the banter.
I'll do AFCs with him if you like Are you always on heat? It's "in" heat and yes He could be your son Still be bathing him, though, if he was, eh? You know ferrets? They can actually die if they don't get enough sex.
- Yeah? - Yeah, that's a true fact, man.
- Can I get in to clean the classroom? - Yeah.
I've got it.
I've got it.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- Ready to go? - Yeah.
- So what did you study at uni? - PPE.
Like face masks and shit? Philosophy, Politics, Economics Right, so why aren't you running the country? What the fuck are you doing here? What are any of us doing here? Well, I'm trying to find out if a shoplifter from Manchester with a shit beard is trying to kill us all.
Three.
Twoey, three.
Daniels, three.
All right, man? Been reading Charlie Hobbs's book? He talks about the Safe Deposit Centre robbery.
Oh, yeah? Get a mention, did I? He said it was your idea to kidnap the guy.
I wanted vegetarian No such thing as honour any more.
Do your menu sheet on time, chief.
If you don't do your sheet, you get chef's choice.
Zaid, two.
But One of these days, I'll tell you what really happened that night.
Adams, two.
How's? How's Joyce doing? Seems a good kid.
Why? He hasn't said or done anything that makes you think that he might be up to something? Zukker, three.
Since you seem to know more about my life than my mother, Mr Shah, what do I value most? Oh, I'm not asking you to grass.
Honour.
He's a bit lost, that's all, that's how he found your lot, innit? Don't get me wrong.
I get it.
If I was him looking for something, anything to fucking believe in, I'd probably convert myself.
Tanner, three.
- Nothing I need to know, is there? - No.
- What's up with you? - Is all the chicken halal? Yes Right, I want my chicken non-halal.
Tanner.
Don't start.
- Did you hear something? - What's the problem? Problem is I'm pagan and as such, I don't see why his lot get to say how my fucking lunch is killed.
Want me to show you how something should be killed, kuff? Calm down, sunshine, Since when was you "pagan"? About ten minutes ago.
- Prick.
- Relax Relax? You gonna stand for this, mate? Are you Muslim or not? Oi.
Yeah, yeah, I am Muslim, man, so I know how important Friday Prayers are and if you don't stop using words that you don't understand like "kuff", they'll ban you next week, OK? As well as this one.
Right? It's not fair.
Leave it out, I'll find you a piece of fruit.
Him an' all, yeah.
- I'll keep an eye on him.
- Thanks, Franklin.
At training, they said, back in the '90s, they made it a requirement for officers to have five GCSEs, but they had to scrap it, because nobody met the criteria.
Oh, I don't know what qualifies anyone to do this.
All I know is if you're putting people in charge of others, especially if they're vulnerable, they'd better be the right people Exactly.
Talk all you want about rehabilitation programmes, fact is we're the best programme there is.
If you treat people with respect and integrity, do what you say you're going to do, what's more powerful than that? Did you find anything in Connor Joyce's pad? - No.
- Incense.
Talking of programmes, I was thinking he could do Desistance & Disengagement or Healthy Identity It's a good thought, but his offence isn't terror-related.
Stick with this one.
You might learn something.
Adrian.
My family sent me new books weeks ago, why can't I have them? I, um Someone said you have to test all the pages, make sure they haven't been soaked in spice or whatever So if someone did that with, say, the Bible, you'd make a fortune I don't smoke.
Don't worry, we'll ask Security, see what's going on.
Having a good day, Costa? I'm good, Miss.
We're all good.
Hey, look, this, all from one cell.
- Whose? - Baldy's.
Thieving bastards.
They've cleared my cell.
Oh, flakey? Oh Oh, he's not happy, come on.
- Mr Shah? - Yep.
- Did you find anything out? - Jihadi Joyce.
Oh, yeah, Franklin said he'll keep an eye on him, yeah, everybody respects Franklin He wanted to get his autograph when he arrived.
I didn't, though, in the end.
I noticed you used a prisoner's Christian name.
Adrian.
Why shouldn't I? No, it's just I haven't come across it elsewhere.
Do you have time for that chat now? Tomorrow.
We'll sort it all out tomorrow.
You played me, Miss Gill.
Where was my sandwich? What if I buy you a drink instead? Oh, I'm working nights.
What about next week? Maybe, if I'm still here.
Told you you wouldn't get an induction.
She's just busy, we're doing it later.
You're not saying you still haven't had one? Don't matter now.
I think she decided I'd leave any minute now, so why bother? - Well, half of all new recruits - Yeah, I know But, still.
William.
Did you get your package? I see you, Mini Leigh.
Calling prisoners by their first names.
So, will you? Stay? Why do you wanna know? Is there a book running? On what? On how long I stay Not that I know of.
I don't.
Although I think there might be one on who has sex with you first.
Prisoners or staff? Mr Campbell's been "intimate" with officers on every wing, from what I've heard From who, him? Well, I'm more worried about you than me, mate.
You know Tanya on B Wing? She once shagged a Governor who named his cock Toby.
I'm not going to get a sexual harassment complaint about you, am I? If anyone goes to HR, it'll be Miss Gill about you.
Why are you being so hard on her, anyway? I know people like her Do you? Who? When do you ever go anywhere or see anyone? Honestly, no wonder you're being a mardy cow.
You're stressed to fuck, you never leave this place Actually, I need to nip out in a bit.
OK.
I'll cover.
What was that? Don't know, don't care.
How many more? Here, let me.
- Is it true you went to university? - Why? I want to write to my girlfriend, but I can't.
Write, I mean, I mean, I can, but like a kid.
Reading's the same.
Will you do it if I told you what to say? Won't she know it's not your handwriting? Nah, it's pretty new, I don't want to lose her.
Please, boss? How come you're still here? Because I've got a brain and I know how it looks if I walk away the minute the shelves get stocked.
What's your name? Goldie Christian name? Dan.
Why? I will do it, Dan, but only if you let me get you some help with your literacy.
How come you're still here? I think she likes me.
Boss.
Oi-oi.
Look at him running away, man.
Cos he knows what I'm going to say to him.
Been trying to get that guy to do a business course for ages.
- He's a smart guy, you know.
- Yeah.
- It's my meeting with the SO.
- Ooh, have you got your notepad? - Give me a second, yeah? - Yeah.
Boss.
Where's my books, guv? Yeah, erm, I spoke to Security, yeah, and they're not happy about one of them.
Crime And Crime And Punishment?! Are you shitting me? That's what they said, man.
So I can get as much true crime bollocks as I want from the library, but I'm not allowed a classic of world literature? There's some good true crime in there, you know It's not about how it affects us, it's what it does to the other fucking nutters.
You're in for manslaughter.
- Yeah.
So are you.
- Exactly.
And I've never read Crime And fucking Punishment.
Relax.
I'll, I'll chat to them again, yeah? I've, erm, got a meeting, with the SO.
Yeah, she's not here, sweetheart.
Anything I can do for you? - Do you know where she's gone? - Had to nip out.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Oh, great, I thought you'd forgotten.
I need to do something first I know you're busy, I really won't take up much of your time I said I can't now, unless you want to explain to Governor Ray why the document he's been waiting for has been delayed.
Happy to.
Mr Ray's my mentor.
Sorry, would you, would you give us a minute? There you go.
He's a spy.
Sorry.
He's a what? Ray sent him to watch me Why the fuck would he do that? Because they want me out, Jackie, and they are pushing and pushing until I do something there's no coming back from.
Like what? What, Leigh? You all right? You losing it or something? Well, look, yeah, you take the odd risk, sure, but only for good reasons.
It's not like you're a fucking criminal.
You know So I emptied the complaints box last night.
"Shit-ton of drugs all over the wing you need to fucking sort it.
" Oh, now, shouldn't there be a comma in there somewhere? We don't know who wrote it? Before posting it in the anonymous complaints box? Woo, fucking university this one Fantastic.
Might be bullshit, the amount of wind-ups they post in there.
Yeah, but Fat Andrew was off his tits at bang-up - On what, conditioner? - Skank.
First sign I've seen in weeks.
What happened to no grassing? There's no such thing as honour any more.
It's not about honour, they live here, and most don't want drugs on the wing any more than we do.
Makes everyone's life more dangerous.
Ask around, eyes open.
And I'm still not convinced Connor Joyce isn't a danger, to himself or others.
Mr Phillips.
Miss Stokes'll give you a wing induction.
Certainly will.
We'll get canteen out of the way tomorrow, and then I'll show you anything you wanna see.
Come on then.
You think all criminals are in prison? Only the shit ones are in here, the ones who are good at it are out there laughing at traitors like you.
- Afternoon, did you get that letter off? - Yeah.
Good.
Criminal law only started to keep the working class in its place.
That's what prisons are for.
And who is it locks the fucking doors? Our own kind.
People like you, Screwlet.
Is that what you are, a traitor? This what you always dreamed of doing when you was a kid? You don't have to worry about me, handing in my notice on Friday.
- Good.
- Hi.
Tony and Nicky? Why is cell 82 out of action? SO's orders - Right, but why? - Oh, don't use that word.
Something about the electrics.
They're bust.
Can we do that letter now, Mr F? Mr F? Philips.
Yeah.
Steven? Your appointment with Housing's in an hour, don't forget.
- Thanks.
- Clock's ticking.
You need to get organised.
You ever been homeless? Yeah, I have, I hadn't forgotten.
That's not why I'm thanking you.
I was thanking you for giving a shit.
You OK? Cos you don't look it and it's starting to worry a lot of people.
We're here to help you, so Tell him, son.
Go on, he's all right.
Tell him what you told me.
A few weeks ago.
She was only a few days old when she died, like he never even saw her.
That's why he's acting out then stupid sod's grieving.
He wouldn't be the first to turn to religion.
Yeah, but he could've fucking said though.
Well, why would he? He's gone from care to young offenders to prison, it's not like anyone's helped him before.
- The Imam then - Sex outside marriage is haram, so he would've been trying to make a good impression.
How come so many in here have kids so young? Well, if your family's shit, you just try and make a better one of your own as soon as.
When we started fostering, we spent most of our time stopping the poor buggers from trying to breed.
But erm, funeral is tomorrow.
I know it's short notice but I was thinking now we know why he's been playing up can we get him there? I'll ask the question.
All right? I used to think an app was something you downloaded.
Cons are the only ones with tech in here.
So how you settling in, Professor? OK, I think.
I mean, the frustrations are the same on every wing.
We want them to be responsible, so we take away all responsibilities.
We want them to stop hanging around losers, so we put all the losers under one roof, and all that.
You know that poem, by Judge Challeen? Doesn't rhyme.
Poems don't have to rhyme.
Do they? How is it a fucking poem then? And who are the losers, us or them? No, it's Doesn't matter.
I was helping a man write a letter earlier and I suggested he talk about what he's learned here.
He told me he'd learned that it's better to commit burglary in the daytime because although the chances of getting caught increase, the sentence is a lot lighter.
Who told you that? - Dan.
- Who? Dan.
Goldie.
Goldie told you he was in for burglary? Fucking wrongun's a serial stalker, in for multiple threats to kill his missus.
He's still trying to get at her.
Jax caught him on the phone last week disguising his voice - What's up? - Move.
Move! What's up, Professor? - Where's the key for the postbox? - Oh, where's the fire? - Where is it? - Mail's gone out.
What's up? - Fuck.
- What's up? Fantastic.
We tried to get permission for you to go to the funeral.
But, erm, there's all sorts of staffing issues and cos of the notice .
.
the Governor .
.
had to say no.
Sorry, man.
You tried to do that for me? Can he at least go to, erm, you know, whatshername, Friday Prayers now? You want me to ask Miss Henry? All right.
- So what's Goldie actually in for? - Burglary.
He broke in to someone's house, cooked himself a meal, then he, he fell asleep.
Prick got woken up by the police.
Goldilocks.
You weren't to know it was a practical joke.
No, although something similar has happened Have you got any idea of the damage you could have done? Men convicted of stalking and domestic violence are some of the most manipulative in this place.
I was too eager to help, you're right.
I know what a damaging crime it can be.
Do you? Have you been a victim of it? - Well, no - Well, then how can you? Any evidence of drugs from the fabric checks? Apart from the, erm Yeah, Flakey swears he uses shampoo as soap, for his psoriasis.
So you're nearly done? Very nearly.
Can you check on Connor Joyce? It's gonna be a difficult day for him.
Yeah.
Sorry, Miss Henry, have I done something to upset you? - We covered that.
- No, I mean, something else.
I don't know, have you? Right, you.
Haven't forgotten about our date, have you? Let's go.
I need to talk to you after the shift.
It don't matter that you're a bitch to me, I don't give a shit.
I got that.
But Toby does.
I mean, he really, really does, and he deserves a lot fucking better from you.
Is this what usually happens? At the petrol station and the bakery and your last job at the bookmakers? You shout your mouth off and flounce out? So you have read my file.
- I know people like you, Miss Gill.
- People like me? You never stick at anything, you never commit to anything, - even when you're good at it - You don't know me.
Didn't think you had it in you, sunshine.
Like fucking ferrets.
This is the guy who makes our tea, isn't it? Barry.
I would never have the discipline to keep my cell this tidy.
Could be discipline.
Could also say "institutionalised".
Whatever her problem is, it's hers, not yours.
Unless it's all of ours.
She doesn't like newcomers, she's too close to the prisoners, she disappears in the middle of a shift without explanation, then a day later .
.
there's drugs on the wing.
All right.
Where's Joyce? Eh? Come on, he's gone to Friday Prayers already? What, without his Quran? Boss.
I found these in Joyce's cell.
Look at the bookmarks.
Where is he now? Move, move.
Move.
Where's Joyce? I need everybody to leave now - Mr Shah.
- I'm fine.
Everybody out.
You heard move.
Move! Joyce? Stay away.
Back off! - Stay calm, man.
- I can still do this part.
Don't, man, please.
No choice.
I should have died, yeah, not her Who, your daughter? Don't you say her name.
It's you.
It's your fault.
Do you know how many more Muslim kids are born compared to white ones where I come from? - I don't know where you're from.
- That's not the point.
OK.
OK, well, how many then? That's your plan, in't it, eh? Keep having kids until we're the minority.
Do I look like I've got a plan, bro? Don't.
Yeah? What? - Do you know what, he warned me about you? - Who did? If I do this part, I can still die with some honour.
Franklin.
He persuaded you to do this? Is that why you converted, so you could get into Friday Prayers, attack people and kill yourself? I'd have done it as well if it weren't for you getting in my head.
It's your fault.
No, it's not me, it's you.
It's not in you.
- You don't know me.
- Nor does Franklin.
Yeah? He just saw a chance to mess with your head fast because of what happened to Sophie, yeah.
He tried to groom you but it didn't work, did it? That's why you left your Quran behind, because you wanted to be stopped.
I don't want to live.
Yeah? She's gone, that's it.
But not forever.
She'll wait for you.
The Prophet said that when a child dies before their parents, they'll be waiting in Paradise.
Oh, stop it, man.
There's no point.
No, no.
Erm Yeah Whales! Whales, they commit suicide, you know.
Yeah, it's a true fact, man.
Do you know what jihad really means? Don't you get it? I'm not Muslim.
Doesn't matter, man, it's the same God, yeah? Jihad means struggle.
God decreed that every soul should spend time on Earth so that He might test them.
Look at what you've been through your whole life, man.
How many wouldn't have even survived a week in your shoes, man? That's why I admire you, you know, all of you, in a way.
Cos everything in here's so stripped back, there's nothing to hide behind and getting through the day is an achievement.
And there's honesty in that.
Honour.
Do you see? This is your jihad, brother.
OK? This is .
.
the point.
Give me that, man.
You don't want to do this.
All those people who say we do fuck all for the prisoners should see how hard that is.
What it takes to just get through a shift without anything happening.
Don't see that on the news, though, do you? "No fucker died or escaped from prison again today.
" So what'll happen to Franklin? Seg.
Then he'll get shipped out to another nick.
Can't win 'em all, boss.
There'll always be a next time.
Because our recruitment's being done for us, every day of the week.
Working class white people with no voice, no future and no hope .
.
left behind and betrayed by their own country.
Plenty more where he came from.
I mean, stopping escapes and deaths is sort of our job.
Yeah.
And it's the police's job to catch criminals but, you know, every fucker loves them, don't they? Yeah, and the firefighters.
Every bloody Christmas it's the same.
"Here, spare a thought for the firefighters," and the police and the nurses and never us, the bastards.
- Who? - The royals.
Oh, don't let Gary hear you diss the royal family.
You know, we saved people's lives today, and nobody'll ever know.
We do.
And they will.
That's what matters.
That's all that matters.
Come on, get ready.
You got 'em mixed up.
Class and race.
You got 'em mixed up, you fucking prick.
On the hour, for anyone who wants to join in, we'll be observing a minute's silence in honour of baby Sophie Charlotte Joyce, who died, aged three days.
Hey, man.
It's what she was wearing.
Your girlfriend brought it in.
Miss Henry says you're allowed to keep it.
You'll be moved to Segregation Unit, pending adjudication.
Ready? Sir.
I'll make a copy.
Congratulations, you are now C-Wing's Custodial Manager.
Sorry, that's That's it? Unless there's something I've missed? Why didn't you tell everyone that it was you that rang Joyce's girlfriend? Cell bell's for emergency use only.
Is this a fucking emergency? Where's my books, you dirty fucking terrorist? Thing is, Mr F, it wasn't a wind-up.
I would like to learn.
I've been writing to my kids every week for the last two years and not had a single reply.
Maybe if I could write better.
Did you look in that parcel? The parcel, did you open it? No.
Right.
Next one will be ready soon.
What? The deal was that I pay for Dean's mistake.
Nah.
This is about you now.
No.
I'm out.
Do you know how much time you'll get for bringing that one parcel in, Rose? Exactly.
I say when you're out.