Secret Level (2024) s01e03 Episode Script
New World: The Once and Future King
1
Onward, men, through hell.
Conquest await
The island of legend.
This will make a fine addition
to my kingdom.
But
I fear your army perished
in the storm, sire.
Scaevola, you
silly whore's whelp.
An army does not make a king.
A king makes an army.
In fact you there, boy!
I, King Aelstrom, come to
conquer this land and its people.
Just you and the
one-armed guy?
What is this gibberish?
Uh, uh, let me try.
I herald the arrival of King
Aelstrom of the North Lands.
He has chosen you
as his first subject.
Prepare to receive his blessing!
Insolent dog.
Sire!
You will pay for that,
pathetic beach wench.
Yet Aelstrom lives.
I always said that I was
destined to rule forever,
but I never dared dream
that I was speaking literally.
Even death itself is humbled
before my radiant majesty.
Sire.
I seem to be immortal, too.
Well, uh, you must be protected
by the corona of my magnificence.
You
loons.
This is Aeternum.
Nobody dies, nobody leaves.
What's that witch
saying, Scaevola?
She says this island
is called Aeternum.
Everyone is immortal here.
Gods.
Well, then I shall
rule an eternal
kingdom of eternal subjects,
eternally kneeling before me
in grateful servitude.
Onward, Scaevola.
Conquest awaits.
All rise to receive
your new king and ruler,
Aelstrom of the Northern Shores.
Huh. I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Very amusing.
For who does not know
the name of Aelstrom?
I have come to give this Aeternum
the benefit of my just rule.
I challenge you to a duel.
To the victor, the crown.
You look like you're sucking
on a lemon, Scaevola.
I only fear the fool
who would dare face you, sire.
No, no, forget the chest plate.
Let them admire their new king.
Yet
Aelstrom lives.
Thank the gods
that I'm whole again.
I feared for an instant
that I might be left half a man.
What a blessing that I was
not disfigured and crippled
before we arrived in Aeternum.
Like you were, Scaevola.
Yep, the gods are merciful.
You will spend eternity
a one-armed man.
Scaevola, who wipes his ass and
eats his mush with the same hand.
Yeah.
Oh, mercy.
They cannot kill my spirit,
and now they cannot kill me.
Onward, Scaevola.
Conquest awaits.
That crown belongs to Aelstrom,
you silky-bearded Babylonian cur.
But in combat, the fortunate
prevail as often as the skilled.
Let us have instead
a test of strategy.
To the victor, the crown.
Checkmate.
Damn it.
He was, uh, born
royalty, wasn't he?
His father was king.
And his father's
father before him.
His father's father's father
Yeah, got it.
Your king is not of royal blood?
Son of a cobbler.
And yet Aelstrom lives.
How can this be?
I mean, ever
since I was a child,
every competition,
duel after duel,
Aelstrom is victorious.
I'm a peerless swordsman,
horseman, chess man, wrestle man.
- Wherever men contend.
- Sire?
I may have the answer.
Yes.
It must be dark magic.
No, sire, the truth is the duels
you fought in the old country,
they weren't real.
Are you saying I
dreamed them, Scaevola?
No. Those people let you win.
And why would
they do such a thing?
Because you were king
and they were servants.
My liege,
as your subject,
as one who would be your friend,
you're pretty bad
at doing things.
Slave, dog, bow before your king.
Never again pollute Aelstrom's
sight with your craven existence.
He speaks of himself
in the third person.
I have lost my king.
What am I supposed to do now?
What do you seek?
Dominion and the
power to seize it.
Dominion is mine.
All shall kneel Aah!
My pancreas!
And yet
Aelstrom lives.
What do you seek?
Dominion is mine.
It's the liver!
- What do you seek?
- Dominion. Remember?
I'll teach you.
Wait, wait, wait. Not the face.
Just rearrange
things a little bit
so that your army is more
in this region here.
I have given years,
my heart, my very soul
for power beyond the dreams
of any but an immortal king.
That crown belongs to Aelstrom!
Aelstrom.
It's been a while.
I'm
bored with killing you.
Scaevola.
You would still offer me your
hand after all I have done?
That's what this island is.
An eternity of second chances.
Scaevola.
I got it!
I finally got it!
Scaevola?
I need
you help.
No kidding.
You teach me to make forge?
You? It'll take a while.
I have time.
Scaevola.
Forged from the crown of a king.
For you, Aelstrom's friend.
I mean my friend.
Onward, men, through hell.
Conquest await
The island of legend.
This will make a fine addition
to my kingdom.
But
I fear your army perished
in the storm, sire.
Scaevola, you
silly whore's whelp.
An army does not make a king.
A king makes an army.
In fact you there, boy!
I, King Aelstrom, come to
conquer this land and its people.
Just you and the
one-armed guy?
What is this gibberish?
Uh, uh, let me try.
I herald the arrival of King
Aelstrom of the North Lands.
He has chosen you
as his first subject.
Prepare to receive his blessing!
Insolent dog.
Sire!
You will pay for that,
pathetic beach wench.
Yet Aelstrom lives.
I always said that I was
destined to rule forever,
but I never dared dream
that I was speaking literally.
Even death itself is humbled
before my radiant majesty.
Sire.
I seem to be immortal, too.
Well, uh, you must be protected
by the corona of my magnificence.
You
loons.
This is Aeternum.
Nobody dies, nobody leaves.
What's that witch
saying, Scaevola?
She says this island
is called Aeternum.
Everyone is immortal here.
Gods.
Well, then I shall
rule an eternal
kingdom of eternal subjects,
eternally kneeling before me
in grateful servitude.
Onward, Scaevola.
Conquest awaits.
All rise to receive
your new king and ruler,
Aelstrom of the Northern Shores.
Huh. I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Very amusing.
For who does not know
the name of Aelstrom?
I have come to give this Aeternum
the benefit of my just rule.
I challenge you to a duel.
To the victor, the crown.
You look like you're sucking
on a lemon, Scaevola.
I only fear the fool
who would dare face you, sire.
No, no, forget the chest plate.
Let them admire their new king.
Yet
Aelstrom lives.
Thank the gods
that I'm whole again.
I feared for an instant
that I might be left half a man.
What a blessing that I was
not disfigured and crippled
before we arrived in Aeternum.
Like you were, Scaevola.
Yep, the gods are merciful.
You will spend eternity
a one-armed man.
Scaevola, who wipes his ass and
eats his mush with the same hand.
Yeah.
Oh, mercy.
They cannot kill my spirit,
and now they cannot kill me.
Onward, Scaevola.
Conquest awaits.
That crown belongs to Aelstrom,
you silky-bearded Babylonian cur.
But in combat, the fortunate
prevail as often as the skilled.
Let us have instead
a test of strategy.
To the victor, the crown.
Checkmate.
Damn it.
He was, uh, born
royalty, wasn't he?
His father was king.
And his father's
father before him.
His father's father's father
Yeah, got it.
Your king is not of royal blood?
Son of a cobbler.
And yet Aelstrom lives.
How can this be?
I mean, ever
since I was a child,
every competition,
duel after duel,
Aelstrom is victorious.
I'm a peerless swordsman,
horseman, chess man, wrestle man.
- Wherever men contend.
- Sire?
I may have the answer.
Yes.
It must be dark magic.
No, sire, the truth is the duels
you fought in the old country,
they weren't real.
Are you saying I
dreamed them, Scaevola?
No. Those people let you win.
And why would
they do such a thing?
Because you were king
and they were servants.
My liege,
as your subject,
as one who would be your friend,
you're pretty bad
at doing things.
Slave, dog, bow before your king.
Never again pollute Aelstrom's
sight with your craven existence.
He speaks of himself
in the third person.
I have lost my king.
What am I supposed to do now?
What do you seek?
Dominion and the
power to seize it.
Dominion is mine.
All shall kneel Aah!
My pancreas!
And yet
Aelstrom lives.
What do you seek?
Dominion is mine.
It's the liver!
- What do you seek?
- Dominion. Remember?
I'll teach you.
Wait, wait, wait. Not the face.
Just rearrange
things a little bit
so that your army is more
in this region here.
I have given years,
my heart, my very soul
for power beyond the dreams
of any but an immortal king.
That crown belongs to Aelstrom!
Aelstrom.
It's been a while.
I'm
bored with killing you.
Scaevola.
You would still offer me your
hand after all I have done?
That's what this island is.
An eternity of second chances.
Scaevola.
I got it!
I finally got it!
Scaevola?
I need
you help.
No kidding.
You teach me to make forge?
You? It'll take a while.
I have time.
Scaevola.
Forged from the crown of a king.
For you, Aelstrom's friend.
I mean my friend.