Secret State s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1 The Prime Minister is dead.
The dark patches are burn marks.
In all probability, a bomb.
Shouldn't we be exploring every possible angle? I'll take it from here.
A bad influence, am I? Know too much about you, do I? They won't spike Tony Fossett - he's an intra-mural subject.
Meaning? It's personal.
Not allowed on little Tommy's trampoline? This is our man.
Just need to get our angles right and get the word from you, Prime Minister.
Go.
Is that an attempt to embroil me in this conspiracy? It's not as if it's your first.
What is that? The rules of engagement for Bosnia.
I did, by the way.
That drone strike.
The Iranians say it was on their side of the border.
They're treating it as an act of war.
The government of Iran is accusing us of carrying out an act of war against them.
The price of oil is spiking as a result.
Unemployment is high and rising.
The UK economy is increasingly fragile and we still don't know what's happened to Charles Flyte.
I can think of one word we might use, Mr Speaker.
Chaos.
Hear, hear! First of all, let me state this quite clearly.
We have not committed any act of war against Iran.
And on the subject of the investigation into the plane crash, both the Royal Navy and the United States Navy are involved in the search for the flight recorder.
And without it, it's not possible with any degree of certainty Mr Speaker, perhaps the Prime Minister would care to comment on the news just reaching us that PetroFex is said to be on the verge of relocating to Poland? Order.
Order! They're citing Government hostility and the danger of further sabotage.
And they've suspended their offer of compensation for the destruction at Scarrow.
But I could barely get Clark to admit that he'd made it.
Clark claims that your ambush at the airport demonstrates a campaign to undermine the company's standing.
Bollocks! All right.
You get hold of Michael Rix at Royal Caledonian.
I'm going to freeze their fucking assets until we decide the level of compensation.
Call Rix.
You mentioned sabotage? Well, they say they've got evidence of Dermot Matthews making an unauthorised entry to the plant just prior to the explosion.
Hello? 'Ellis, you're still in touch with Jade Matthews, I believe.
' Yeah.
Listen, I've just tried my luck with the Chief of Defence Staff.
Surprise, surprise, he didn't want to talk to me.
'What about?' About drone fuel.
What else? 'Look, about the Matthews family' PetroFex are claiming that her husband may have committed an act of sabotage.
Can you have a word with her and see what she knows? All right.
Then you and me are going to sit down and have this interview for this profile.
Is that the deal? Yes, yes.
Yes, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Whose idea was it to throw the Iranians out of their embassy? (.
.
The company you keep) Prime Minister.
General, I thought I'd made it clear that you'd been relieved of your post.
This will be my final briefing, Prime Minister.
Now, it's in Afghanistan or it's in Iran.
Which is it? The border there has historically been slightly ill-defined.
The topography means that it's hard to be precise.
Can I ask why not one of you even mentioned the proximity of the border before? The drones are programmed to alert us to any territorial infringements.
Ah.
Then it can't have crossed the border? There'sa small possibility that the missile did.
I stress, a small possibility.
Now, it is election time in Iran.
In all probability, the hard-liners are sabre-rattling for electoral advantage.
They'd be fools making a claim like that without foundation.
They'd look bigger fools if we showed them what a real act of war looked like.
Might do the modernisers a favour - a well-placed Cruise missile or two.
Is that why they stopped? Because they thought they were safe? They stopped to pray.
Because they believed they were safe, across the border? Is that it? Prime Minister Do we have men on the ground there? We've got Special Ops not far away, but, um But they can check it out if it's on the wrong side of the fucking border? Good luck.
You'll need it, believe me.
And how's the search for the black box going, General? It's very deep there, Prime Minister.
The ocean.
We're going to play this down.
The Iranians will want to build it up.
That's not going to happen.
I can't stand stainless steel.
It's like pissing in a lift.
Do that a lot, do you, Felix? Paul Clark, um .
.
he says there's nothing we can do to stop them going to Poland.
The bank, they've they've frozen the assets? Christ! Sir Michael Prime Minister.
My flight to Davos is in less than two hours.
Understood.
Please, take a seat.
You're in a hurry and neither of us has anything to hide.
Please.
So, where have you put the money, Sir Michael? We're discussing the PetroFex account? You've disappeared their assets.
A multinational like PetroFex has constant call on its holding.
Capital is a very mobile resource these days, and for good reason.
They needed the money somewhere else and you shifted it for them.
It's a click of the mouse, no great strength required.
You didn't think it odd that they would suddenly want to expatriate nearly three billion in sterling? We're a bank.
We act under instruction.
We perform our fiduciary duty.
But you knew, and you personally.
This mouse click wasn't done by Trevor in Accounts.
Your bank is the company's biggest shareholder, am I right? That much you can read in the company prospectus.
And as their biggest shareholder, you'd expect to have influence over their major decisions? I'm going to be late.
Do you know who the company prospectus gives as your bank's biggest shareholder, Sir Michael? Me.
The British Government.
The British people.
And what we'd like you to do is click that little mouse and repatriate that three billion.
That's not how the world works, Prime Minister.
Then maybe we need to address that too.
Tom? Your alfresco summit's got Twitter all aflutter! Did you speak to Jade Matthews? I'll tell you when I get back from Davos.
'God, the whole world is in Davos.
' Well, Paul Clark is, anyway.
Well, I don't think he's going to talk to you.
'That's not what he told me.
' So So what did she say? 'The cab's here.
' Dermot had an accident at work about a year ago.
He was inside one of the fuel tanks cleaning it when it started to fill up.
'He nearly drowned in the stuff.
' The drone fuel? 'Yeah.
He wasn't a saboteur, Tom.
I can tell you that much.
' 'And you're still trying to speak to General Munnery?' 'I've got to go.
I'll speak to you soon.
' Ellis Kane.
What do you know about her? Are you sleeping with her, Tom? I'd love to know where you think I get the time.
Apologies for dispensing with the niceties.
She's the sort of woman men like to impress.
Men like you.
Is she? Yes.
Tough, independent, knowledgeable.
Thank you.
Like all journalists, she only cares about one thing.
The story.
No, it's a consequence of Michaellisten to me! Er, vodka and tonic, please.
Er, vodka and tonic, please.
Sure.
The failure of the banking system as a whole.
Someone to shoot your mouth off to, right? I think you should keep your mouth shut.
Did she give you special dispensation, Tom? Face time with the disreputable Mr Fossett? Trouble in paradise? You're early.
I told you something once.
About Bosnia.
You did.
Just wondering if it's out there? Why? General Munnery.
Things he said.
Such as? And a journalist.
Always trouble.
Talking to him.
Well, trying to.
And you're wondering if I've been indiscreet? Well, you are the one who told me about Nightlight.
In confidence.
Are you so sure about what you say and what you don't say these days? Excuse me? Drop the indignation.
I don't have time for it.
Aren't we high and mighty these days? You keep pushing that, don't you? Not guilty.
Can I go now, please, Prime Minister? Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You could die a bitter old drunk.
We'll have to start charging you rent, Tony.
If you're taking up residence.
What's that? A leggy blonde came in in a flame-red, polka-dot dress.
Said she had a penchant for maudlin drunks.
Hang on, sorry, I'm mistaken.
It was a brown-eyed girl, sort of clever-looking.
Mind you, I quite like that.
I quite like a clever one.
Excuse me! Bad influence, am I? Is that it? Good night, Tony.
I'm not allowed on little Tommy's trampoline? Come on Where? Make a fool of me? Huh? Ah.
Yeah? Come on, come on.
Argh! Where is it? Where would you put? All this time! Think.
Think! Come on Agh! Your company put Dermot Matthews on a bonus package, provided he kept quiet about an accident.
You promised to take care of his family and assigned him a doctor, so if he did have any health problems, he could keep them in-house.
Dermot went to his GP, though, and his GP asked him to get hold of a sample of the stuff that he nearly drowned in.
According to Jade, the only reason why he was there the day of the explosion is because he was going to get that sample.
That's a good story.
But I can get you a better one.
What do you mean, you can get me a better one? "Tom Dawkins, the Army Years.
" Get this lady a drink.
Aaaaarrggh! Chaos on the Tube and gridlock threatened on the roads this morning as the underground networks in London, Newcastle and Glasgow suffer a total shutdown.
In other news this morning, the markets opened significantly lower The Tube companies are saying their bank won't sanction Oyster transactions or card payments.
If they open the gates, it'll be mayhem.
Which bank? RCB.
RCB.
You're joking.
Get Felix in here.
Tell Gina Hayes to pass it off as a bank blunder before they start to blame us.
They'll be cackling into their croissants in Davos.
Any news from Iran? It's gone quiet.
Small mercies.
Oh, Lee Ros Yelland? What about her? Can you get her to come and see me before she meets the Iranian Foreign Minister? Hear that? Ah, Felix.
What can you tell me? I had a word with Sir Michael.
Really? I was told that he was in a meeting.
He's looking into it.
How welldoyou know him? Our wives are very good friends, on the same charity board.
Oh.
Well, coincidence or otherwise, I bollock him about the PetroFex assets and the following day, his bank paralyses the Tube system.
Tom Perhaps you could have your wife askhiswife.
You're going to have to go back to the Bank of England, Felix.
I want them to guarantee the underground companies' transactions, so that we can get the trains moving again.
You know what the Governor will say.
The Bank of England is independent of Government.
Well, if RCB wants to throw its weight around, they've got to understand that we can fight back.
But RCB will have this sorted before the Bank of England's even out of first gear.
Tube's up and running.
Rush hour's over.
It's a gentle poke in the bloody ribs.
We need resolution, Tom, on Iran and on this spat with the Royal Caledonian.
The pound's already under pressure and now RCB's dumping sterling.
And then what? The Bank of England will sell foreign reserves to prop it up.
But it won't last for ever.
Right.
Sound out the IMF.
Say that I want to talk about underwriting sterling.
Well, they want their pound of flesh and they want you to lay off the banks.
And you should issue an apology.
I'll talk to Rix.
He's in Davos.
Have you got that package? I thought it was a bit early for you.
Have you? Have you? All right, don't panic.
Does that thing work? Just do the coffee.
Is this a good place to be if you're not drinking? I'm drinking coffeeor I would be if you'd hurry the fuck up.
Makes some people tetchy, Tony, going on the wagon.
But you must be the exception.
Just go easy.
That's all.
We're playing the long game.
You go easy too, this time.
With Rix.
Since we're handing out advice.
Your Wi-Fi's rubbish.
I preferred you when you were drinking.
And I caressed her, kissed her Told her I'd die before I would let her out of my arms .
.
only 24 hours from Tulsa Only one day away from your arms I hate to do this to you .
.
I love somebody new What can I do So the Iranian Foreign Secretary might once have had an affair with his wife's sister? How's that going to help me? I'm not suggesting you mention it.
And what will his secret service be telling him about me? That you're sleeping with the Prime Minister's PPS? That you rate your chances very highly, should Tom Dawkins self-destruct? The chances of which seem to be increasing by the hour.
Oh, that's clever.
That's very clever.
What you found? I've found a battery .
.
where no battery's supposed to be.
Show this to your opposite number if an opportunity arises.
Who is it? His name's Sami Sharour.
He was on the plane with Charles Flyte.
And, er .
.
he may have been working for the Iranians.
Sir?What? The biometric database has been compromised.
And you're telling me why? Because the subject was Sami Sharour.
Apparently there was a lack of clarity over which assets you wanted frozen.
Theknock-on effect impacted on the tube company's systems.
Tom I'm, um Ros Yelland.
I know.
What's the arrangement? Well, wechat and Chat? You whisper sweet nothings in her ear about what I'm doing? Get your phone out.
Call her.
Tell her that I know and that you're saying goodbye.
Or you find someone else to work for.
So the waiter thinks, "Hang on, "I won't give him back the whole fiver.
"I'll give the three of them ?1 each.
" So the three diners have spent ?9 each, right? So the three diners have spent ?9 each, right? Right.
Which is ?27, yeah? Right.
The waiter pockets two, right? Right.
So, that's 29.
So, where's the other pound gone? There was 30.
Michael, just discreetly stick this laptop under the counter, would you? You any good at maths? Then he asked for a vodka martini, which is pretty rare these days.
Looked a bit like, um What's his name? I'm off.
Oh, here Don't be leaving your stamp album here again.
Philatelist! Mr Foreign Minister, good to meet you.
I wonder if you know who that is? Should I? We're all in.
Michael, the last time that we met at Downing Street, I was "Michael" or "Sir Michael"? Sir Michael, of course.
Jesus.
Sir Michael, the last time that we met at Downing Street, I was perhaps a little What? Intemperate? Intemperate.
Perfect.
Yes, may the good Lord in his wisdom preserve us from the intemperate.
Steel yourselves.
Tom, the Ros thing It's forgotten, Lee.
Have you lost interest in this profile? We were actually just getting ready We were actually just getting ready Sorry, Tom, I really need to talk to you.
Does he know something about you, Tom? Because that's what I'm being told.
Do you know what this job is like? It's like being under the knife without anaesthetic, 24/7.
So give me your version.
There is no version.
I've I've nothing to tell you.
This is your chance, Tom.
There is no story.
I can see it in your eyes.
There's nothing there.
Now, if you'll excuse me Do you think, Sir Michael, that my intemperance has contributed to the destabilisation of the markets? Vulture funds are almost certainly playing silly buggers in the CDS market.
The people of the United Kingdom have poured 50 billion into your bank.
Do you think that merits any kind of consideration of the public interest? In an ideal world I'd agree, but I'm afraid the bank has only one duty.
To act in the shareholders' interests.
Oh, good.
We represent 88% of them.
All the shareholders.
Politics is parochial, Prime Minister.
Finance is global.
Yes, but you're headquartered in my jurisdiction.
Oh, we could up and go tomorrow.
You see, that's the kind of remark that stokes my intemperance, Sir Michael.
You invested 50 billion .
.
and OK, granted, that buys you some influence with my bank, but what I'm saying is, if you were to press that case, we'd get very jittery.
And so would the rest of the banks.
And if we're jittery, our share price falls.
And if our share price falls, your 50 billion investment goes down the toilet.
And any influence you might have had over the bank goes with it.
So you're saying that we have influence so long as we don't expect to use it? If you like.
Ah, Mr Mukerjee.
Prime Minister.
Please, call me Tom.
Then it's Jitin.
I I read your report.
Our two countries have a long history together.
Yes, they do.
And a very amicable future, I would have said.
Are we going to get our hands dirty, Tom? I've decided you're on my side.
Everyone else might have given up on me, but I've still got, well .
.
you.
So if I understand you right .
.
you're wondering if this fella here, Sami Sharour .
.
was on the fatal flight with our ex-Prime Minister.
And you're wondering .
.
why he wasn't on the manifest.
And I presume you're also wondering if he had something to do with the plane going down.
So something you might not know There's a history of fundamentalism in his family.
Apparently not him, though.
And he was He was arrested in 2011 for throwing a rock through the window of a New York madrasah.
What the CIA would probably call .
.
"links with radical Islam".
I'm only doing this for you.
You've come to hear me talk on the mission's criteria, but first, a few words from the British Prime Minister, Tom Dawkins.
Good evening.
I'm hearing a lot about banks upping sticks and leaving the City of London, no doubt to a financial centre near you.
But before you welcome them with open arms, I want you to remember that it was the British people .
.
who ploughed tens of billions into these banks in 2008.
In return for this bailout, they promised that they would lend to small businesses.
Well, did they lend to small businesses like they promised? Excuse my French, but did they fuck! 'So 'there's something in these photos that you didn't see, 'clever as you are.
'I've decided you're on my side.
'Everyone else might have given up on me, but I've still got, well 'you.
' What you missed was the bottle.
First, it was in the baggage truck.
Then it wasn't.
And then it was.
So Did that harm it, did that damage it, falling off like that? What was in it? Some of that drone fuel? Why? Any thoughts clever girl? Who's there? Ugh! 'He was arrested in 2011 'for throwing a rock through the window of a New York madrasah.
'What the CIA would probably call '.
.
"links with radical Islam".
' 'I'm only doing this for you.
' And I've been told that if I meddle in the affairs of the Royal Caledonian Bank, I'm going to jeopardise the national shareholding.
But it seems to me that the national shareholding is valueless for the foreseeable future, so here's what I'm going to do.
I propose to buy up the remaining shares and transform the bank into an engine of prosperity .
.
promoting business, particularly small business, and generate employment, especially among young people.
Where's your phone, Tony? An Englishman's home is his castle.
You can't just barge in.
Where is it? What's going on at the back of my head? It's You've broken my fucking skull, you animal Ugh! 'Who's there? 'Ugh!' 'Ugh!' 'What did I ever do to you?' Ugh! Aagh Tell me where the phone is.
Agh! Arrgh! 'No, no! No!' Ughh! Your phone.
Aargh! Tony? What's going on in there? Are you all right? Arrgh! Shall I call the police? I'm gonna call the police.
So, in the event that the pound comes under further attack, I have arranged with my friends in the Indian government to underwrite sterling.
And to the IMF I say, sorry to disappoint, but we won't be needing you after all.
But in return for what? That's a very good question.
Clever as you are, you know .
.
if you've spotted it, someone else has too.
So, the question is, why don't they say something about it? I'll tell Tommylike you wanted.
Huh? We'll show him what we can do, the two of us.
He's going to need all the help you can get.
Are you listening? Are you? India has a 300-year supply of coal and 400 million people without electricity.
They need power, now, nationwide.
The United Kingdom has two million people unemployed, a world-leading role in renewables technology, and, as of today, a bank dedicated to putting those people and that technology to work.
The new Royal Caledonian Bank will fund on a massive scale.
Yes, on a massive scale.
A joint British and Indian research, development and production project based in the United Kingdom with the sole aim of creating a renewable alternative to the Indian reliance on coal.
At the same time, the United Kingdom will withdraw from all international agreements coercing India into fixed timetables on climate change reduction until they have achieved national electrification.
He needs to know what wefound.
Tommy does.
I need to know you're listening.
Are you? Clever girl.
What do you know? Did you give it to him? I can tell you what happened to Tony, but I can't talk now.
There'll be someone monitoring this phone.
You're suggesting he was an agent of the Iranian government? The press are digging.
MI6, CIA.
Forget about the flight recorder.
Begins to look pretty compelling.
Prime Minister, you're in great danger.
They've come for me.
Stop right there! 350 years of continuous trading and shifting your fucking assests is bringing my bank to its knees.
Tom served in the British Army in Bosnia.
Might have been an idea to tell me about the skeleton in your closet.
We can't sit on secrets like that.
This is misinformation.
This is bullshit.
Does everyone in this country want a war with Iran? Come into the Chamber now and announce retaliation or come in there and resign.
The dark patches are burn marks.
In all probability, a bomb.
Shouldn't we be exploring every possible angle? I'll take it from here.
A bad influence, am I? Know too much about you, do I? They won't spike Tony Fossett - he's an intra-mural subject.
Meaning? It's personal.
Not allowed on little Tommy's trampoline? This is our man.
Just need to get our angles right and get the word from you, Prime Minister.
Go.
Is that an attempt to embroil me in this conspiracy? It's not as if it's your first.
What is that? The rules of engagement for Bosnia.
I did, by the way.
That drone strike.
The Iranians say it was on their side of the border.
They're treating it as an act of war.
The government of Iran is accusing us of carrying out an act of war against them.
The price of oil is spiking as a result.
Unemployment is high and rising.
The UK economy is increasingly fragile and we still don't know what's happened to Charles Flyte.
I can think of one word we might use, Mr Speaker.
Chaos.
Hear, hear! First of all, let me state this quite clearly.
We have not committed any act of war against Iran.
And on the subject of the investigation into the plane crash, both the Royal Navy and the United States Navy are involved in the search for the flight recorder.
And without it, it's not possible with any degree of certainty Mr Speaker, perhaps the Prime Minister would care to comment on the news just reaching us that PetroFex is said to be on the verge of relocating to Poland? Order.
Order! They're citing Government hostility and the danger of further sabotage.
And they've suspended their offer of compensation for the destruction at Scarrow.
But I could barely get Clark to admit that he'd made it.
Clark claims that your ambush at the airport demonstrates a campaign to undermine the company's standing.
Bollocks! All right.
You get hold of Michael Rix at Royal Caledonian.
I'm going to freeze their fucking assets until we decide the level of compensation.
Call Rix.
You mentioned sabotage? Well, they say they've got evidence of Dermot Matthews making an unauthorised entry to the plant just prior to the explosion.
Hello? 'Ellis, you're still in touch with Jade Matthews, I believe.
' Yeah.
Listen, I've just tried my luck with the Chief of Defence Staff.
Surprise, surprise, he didn't want to talk to me.
'What about?' About drone fuel.
What else? 'Look, about the Matthews family' PetroFex are claiming that her husband may have committed an act of sabotage.
Can you have a word with her and see what she knows? All right.
Then you and me are going to sit down and have this interview for this profile.
Is that the deal? Yes, yes.
Yes, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Whose idea was it to throw the Iranians out of their embassy? (.
.
The company you keep) Prime Minister.
General, I thought I'd made it clear that you'd been relieved of your post.
This will be my final briefing, Prime Minister.
Now, it's in Afghanistan or it's in Iran.
Which is it? The border there has historically been slightly ill-defined.
The topography means that it's hard to be precise.
Can I ask why not one of you even mentioned the proximity of the border before? The drones are programmed to alert us to any territorial infringements.
Ah.
Then it can't have crossed the border? There'sa small possibility that the missile did.
I stress, a small possibility.
Now, it is election time in Iran.
In all probability, the hard-liners are sabre-rattling for electoral advantage.
They'd be fools making a claim like that without foundation.
They'd look bigger fools if we showed them what a real act of war looked like.
Might do the modernisers a favour - a well-placed Cruise missile or two.
Is that why they stopped? Because they thought they were safe? They stopped to pray.
Because they believed they were safe, across the border? Is that it? Prime Minister Do we have men on the ground there? We've got Special Ops not far away, but, um But they can check it out if it's on the wrong side of the fucking border? Good luck.
You'll need it, believe me.
And how's the search for the black box going, General? It's very deep there, Prime Minister.
The ocean.
We're going to play this down.
The Iranians will want to build it up.
That's not going to happen.
I can't stand stainless steel.
It's like pissing in a lift.
Do that a lot, do you, Felix? Paul Clark, um .
.
he says there's nothing we can do to stop them going to Poland.
The bank, they've they've frozen the assets? Christ! Sir Michael Prime Minister.
My flight to Davos is in less than two hours.
Understood.
Please, take a seat.
You're in a hurry and neither of us has anything to hide.
Please.
So, where have you put the money, Sir Michael? We're discussing the PetroFex account? You've disappeared their assets.
A multinational like PetroFex has constant call on its holding.
Capital is a very mobile resource these days, and for good reason.
They needed the money somewhere else and you shifted it for them.
It's a click of the mouse, no great strength required.
You didn't think it odd that they would suddenly want to expatriate nearly three billion in sterling? We're a bank.
We act under instruction.
We perform our fiduciary duty.
But you knew, and you personally.
This mouse click wasn't done by Trevor in Accounts.
Your bank is the company's biggest shareholder, am I right? That much you can read in the company prospectus.
And as their biggest shareholder, you'd expect to have influence over their major decisions? I'm going to be late.
Do you know who the company prospectus gives as your bank's biggest shareholder, Sir Michael? Me.
The British Government.
The British people.
And what we'd like you to do is click that little mouse and repatriate that three billion.
That's not how the world works, Prime Minister.
Then maybe we need to address that too.
Tom? Your alfresco summit's got Twitter all aflutter! Did you speak to Jade Matthews? I'll tell you when I get back from Davos.
'God, the whole world is in Davos.
' Well, Paul Clark is, anyway.
Well, I don't think he's going to talk to you.
'That's not what he told me.
' So So what did she say? 'The cab's here.
' Dermot had an accident at work about a year ago.
He was inside one of the fuel tanks cleaning it when it started to fill up.
'He nearly drowned in the stuff.
' The drone fuel? 'Yeah.
He wasn't a saboteur, Tom.
I can tell you that much.
' 'And you're still trying to speak to General Munnery?' 'I've got to go.
I'll speak to you soon.
' Ellis Kane.
What do you know about her? Are you sleeping with her, Tom? I'd love to know where you think I get the time.
Apologies for dispensing with the niceties.
She's the sort of woman men like to impress.
Men like you.
Is she? Yes.
Tough, independent, knowledgeable.
Thank you.
Like all journalists, she only cares about one thing.
The story.
No, it's a consequence of Michaellisten to me! Er, vodka and tonic, please.
Er, vodka and tonic, please.
Sure.
The failure of the banking system as a whole.
Someone to shoot your mouth off to, right? I think you should keep your mouth shut.
Did she give you special dispensation, Tom? Face time with the disreputable Mr Fossett? Trouble in paradise? You're early.
I told you something once.
About Bosnia.
You did.
Just wondering if it's out there? Why? General Munnery.
Things he said.
Such as? And a journalist.
Always trouble.
Talking to him.
Well, trying to.
And you're wondering if I've been indiscreet? Well, you are the one who told me about Nightlight.
In confidence.
Are you so sure about what you say and what you don't say these days? Excuse me? Drop the indignation.
I don't have time for it.
Aren't we high and mighty these days? You keep pushing that, don't you? Not guilty.
Can I go now, please, Prime Minister? Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You could die a bitter old drunk.
We'll have to start charging you rent, Tony.
If you're taking up residence.
What's that? A leggy blonde came in in a flame-red, polka-dot dress.
Said she had a penchant for maudlin drunks.
Hang on, sorry, I'm mistaken.
It was a brown-eyed girl, sort of clever-looking.
Mind you, I quite like that.
I quite like a clever one.
Excuse me! Bad influence, am I? Is that it? Good night, Tony.
I'm not allowed on little Tommy's trampoline? Come on Where? Make a fool of me? Huh? Ah.
Yeah? Come on, come on.
Argh! Where is it? Where would you put? All this time! Think.
Think! Come on Agh! Your company put Dermot Matthews on a bonus package, provided he kept quiet about an accident.
You promised to take care of his family and assigned him a doctor, so if he did have any health problems, he could keep them in-house.
Dermot went to his GP, though, and his GP asked him to get hold of a sample of the stuff that he nearly drowned in.
According to Jade, the only reason why he was there the day of the explosion is because he was going to get that sample.
That's a good story.
But I can get you a better one.
What do you mean, you can get me a better one? "Tom Dawkins, the Army Years.
" Get this lady a drink.
Aaaaarrggh! Chaos on the Tube and gridlock threatened on the roads this morning as the underground networks in London, Newcastle and Glasgow suffer a total shutdown.
In other news this morning, the markets opened significantly lower The Tube companies are saying their bank won't sanction Oyster transactions or card payments.
If they open the gates, it'll be mayhem.
Which bank? RCB.
RCB.
You're joking.
Get Felix in here.
Tell Gina Hayes to pass it off as a bank blunder before they start to blame us.
They'll be cackling into their croissants in Davos.
Any news from Iran? It's gone quiet.
Small mercies.
Oh, Lee Ros Yelland? What about her? Can you get her to come and see me before she meets the Iranian Foreign Minister? Hear that? Ah, Felix.
What can you tell me? I had a word with Sir Michael.
Really? I was told that he was in a meeting.
He's looking into it.
How welldoyou know him? Our wives are very good friends, on the same charity board.
Oh.
Well, coincidence or otherwise, I bollock him about the PetroFex assets and the following day, his bank paralyses the Tube system.
Tom Perhaps you could have your wife askhiswife.
You're going to have to go back to the Bank of England, Felix.
I want them to guarantee the underground companies' transactions, so that we can get the trains moving again.
You know what the Governor will say.
The Bank of England is independent of Government.
Well, if RCB wants to throw its weight around, they've got to understand that we can fight back.
But RCB will have this sorted before the Bank of England's even out of first gear.
Tube's up and running.
Rush hour's over.
It's a gentle poke in the bloody ribs.
We need resolution, Tom, on Iran and on this spat with the Royal Caledonian.
The pound's already under pressure and now RCB's dumping sterling.
And then what? The Bank of England will sell foreign reserves to prop it up.
But it won't last for ever.
Right.
Sound out the IMF.
Say that I want to talk about underwriting sterling.
Well, they want their pound of flesh and they want you to lay off the banks.
And you should issue an apology.
I'll talk to Rix.
He's in Davos.
Have you got that package? I thought it was a bit early for you.
Have you? Have you? All right, don't panic.
Does that thing work? Just do the coffee.
Is this a good place to be if you're not drinking? I'm drinking coffeeor I would be if you'd hurry the fuck up.
Makes some people tetchy, Tony, going on the wagon.
But you must be the exception.
Just go easy.
That's all.
We're playing the long game.
You go easy too, this time.
With Rix.
Since we're handing out advice.
Your Wi-Fi's rubbish.
I preferred you when you were drinking.
And I caressed her, kissed her Told her I'd die before I would let her out of my arms .
.
only 24 hours from Tulsa Only one day away from your arms I hate to do this to you .
.
I love somebody new What can I do So the Iranian Foreign Secretary might once have had an affair with his wife's sister? How's that going to help me? I'm not suggesting you mention it.
And what will his secret service be telling him about me? That you're sleeping with the Prime Minister's PPS? That you rate your chances very highly, should Tom Dawkins self-destruct? The chances of which seem to be increasing by the hour.
Oh, that's clever.
That's very clever.
What you found? I've found a battery .
.
where no battery's supposed to be.
Show this to your opposite number if an opportunity arises.
Who is it? His name's Sami Sharour.
He was on the plane with Charles Flyte.
And, er .
.
he may have been working for the Iranians.
Sir?What? The biometric database has been compromised.
And you're telling me why? Because the subject was Sami Sharour.
Apparently there was a lack of clarity over which assets you wanted frozen.
Theknock-on effect impacted on the tube company's systems.
Tom I'm, um Ros Yelland.
I know.
What's the arrangement? Well, wechat and Chat? You whisper sweet nothings in her ear about what I'm doing? Get your phone out.
Call her.
Tell her that I know and that you're saying goodbye.
Or you find someone else to work for.
So the waiter thinks, "Hang on, "I won't give him back the whole fiver.
"I'll give the three of them ?1 each.
" So the three diners have spent ?9 each, right? So the three diners have spent ?9 each, right? Right.
Which is ?27, yeah? Right.
The waiter pockets two, right? Right.
So, that's 29.
So, where's the other pound gone? There was 30.
Michael, just discreetly stick this laptop under the counter, would you? You any good at maths? Then he asked for a vodka martini, which is pretty rare these days.
Looked a bit like, um What's his name? I'm off.
Oh, here Don't be leaving your stamp album here again.
Philatelist! Mr Foreign Minister, good to meet you.
I wonder if you know who that is? Should I? We're all in.
Michael, the last time that we met at Downing Street, I was "Michael" or "Sir Michael"? Sir Michael, of course.
Jesus.
Sir Michael, the last time that we met at Downing Street, I was perhaps a little What? Intemperate? Intemperate.
Perfect.
Yes, may the good Lord in his wisdom preserve us from the intemperate.
Steel yourselves.
Tom, the Ros thing It's forgotten, Lee.
Have you lost interest in this profile? We were actually just getting ready We were actually just getting ready Sorry, Tom, I really need to talk to you.
Does he know something about you, Tom? Because that's what I'm being told.
Do you know what this job is like? It's like being under the knife without anaesthetic, 24/7.
So give me your version.
There is no version.
I've I've nothing to tell you.
This is your chance, Tom.
There is no story.
I can see it in your eyes.
There's nothing there.
Now, if you'll excuse me Do you think, Sir Michael, that my intemperance has contributed to the destabilisation of the markets? Vulture funds are almost certainly playing silly buggers in the CDS market.
The people of the United Kingdom have poured 50 billion into your bank.
Do you think that merits any kind of consideration of the public interest? In an ideal world I'd agree, but I'm afraid the bank has only one duty.
To act in the shareholders' interests.
Oh, good.
We represent 88% of them.
All the shareholders.
Politics is parochial, Prime Minister.
Finance is global.
Yes, but you're headquartered in my jurisdiction.
Oh, we could up and go tomorrow.
You see, that's the kind of remark that stokes my intemperance, Sir Michael.
You invested 50 billion .
.
and OK, granted, that buys you some influence with my bank, but what I'm saying is, if you were to press that case, we'd get very jittery.
And so would the rest of the banks.
And if we're jittery, our share price falls.
And if our share price falls, your 50 billion investment goes down the toilet.
And any influence you might have had over the bank goes with it.
So you're saying that we have influence so long as we don't expect to use it? If you like.
Ah, Mr Mukerjee.
Prime Minister.
Please, call me Tom.
Then it's Jitin.
I I read your report.
Our two countries have a long history together.
Yes, they do.
And a very amicable future, I would have said.
Are we going to get our hands dirty, Tom? I've decided you're on my side.
Everyone else might have given up on me, but I've still got, well .
.
you.
So if I understand you right .
.
you're wondering if this fella here, Sami Sharour .
.
was on the fatal flight with our ex-Prime Minister.
And you're wondering .
.
why he wasn't on the manifest.
And I presume you're also wondering if he had something to do with the plane going down.
So something you might not know There's a history of fundamentalism in his family.
Apparently not him, though.
And he was He was arrested in 2011 for throwing a rock through the window of a New York madrasah.
What the CIA would probably call .
.
"links with radical Islam".
I'm only doing this for you.
You've come to hear me talk on the mission's criteria, but first, a few words from the British Prime Minister, Tom Dawkins.
Good evening.
I'm hearing a lot about banks upping sticks and leaving the City of London, no doubt to a financial centre near you.
But before you welcome them with open arms, I want you to remember that it was the British people .
.
who ploughed tens of billions into these banks in 2008.
In return for this bailout, they promised that they would lend to small businesses.
Well, did they lend to small businesses like they promised? Excuse my French, but did they fuck! 'So 'there's something in these photos that you didn't see, 'clever as you are.
'I've decided you're on my side.
'Everyone else might have given up on me, but I've still got, well 'you.
' What you missed was the bottle.
First, it was in the baggage truck.
Then it wasn't.
And then it was.
So Did that harm it, did that damage it, falling off like that? What was in it? Some of that drone fuel? Why? Any thoughts clever girl? Who's there? Ugh! 'He was arrested in 2011 'for throwing a rock through the window of a New York madrasah.
'What the CIA would probably call '.
.
"links with radical Islam".
' 'I'm only doing this for you.
' And I've been told that if I meddle in the affairs of the Royal Caledonian Bank, I'm going to jeopardise the national shareholding.
But it seems to me that the national shareholding is valueless for the foreseeable future, so here's what I'm going to do.
I propose to buy up the remaining shares and transform the bank into an engine of prosperity .
.
promoting business, particularly small business, and generate employment, especially among young people.
Where's your phone, Tony? An Englishman's home is his castle.
You can't just barge in.
Where is it? What's going on at the back of my head? It's You've broken my fucking skull, you animal Ugh! 'Who's there? 'Ugh!' 'Ugh!' 'What did I ever do to you?' Ugh! Aagh Tell me where the phone is.
Agh! Arrgh! 'No, no! No!' Ughh! Your phone.
Aargh! Tony? What's going on in there? Are you all right? Arrgh! Shall I call the police? I'm gonna call the police.
So, in the event that the pound comes under further attack, I have arranged with my friends in the Indian government to underwrite sterling.
And to the IMF I say, sorry to disappoint, but we won't be needing you after all.
But in return for what? That's a very good question.
Clever as you are, you know .
.
if you've spotted it, someone else has too.
So, the question is, why don't they say something about it? I'll tell Tommylike you wanted.
Huh? We'll show him what we can do, the two of us.
He's going to need all the help you can get.
Are you listening? Are you? India has a 300-year supply of coal and 400 million people without electricity.
They need power, now, nationwide.
The United Kingdom has two million people unemployed, a world-leading role in renewables technology, and, as of today, a bank dedicated to putting those people and that technology to work.
The new Royal Caledonian Bank will fund on a massive scale.
Yes, on a massive scale.
A joint British and Indian research, development and production project based in the United Kingdom with the sole aim of creating a renewable alternative to the Indian reliance on coal.
At the same time, the United Kingdom will withdraw from all international agreements coercing India into fixed timetables on climate change reduction until they have achieved national electrification.
He needs to know what wefound.
Tommy does.
I need to know you're listening.
Are you? Clever girl.
What do you know? Did you give it to him? I can tell you what happened to Tony, but I can't talk now.
There'll be someone monitoring this phone.
You're suggesting he was an agent of the Iranian government? The press are digging.
MI6, CIA.
Forget about the flight recorder.
Begins to look pretty compelling.
Prime Minister, you're in great danger.
They've come for me.
Stop right there! 350 years of continuous trading and shifting your fucking assests is bringing my bank to its knees.
Tom served in the British Army in Bosnia.
Might have been an idea to tell me about the skeleton in your closet.
We can't sit on secrets like that.
This is misinformation.
This is bullshit.
Does everyone in this country want a war with Iran? Come into the Chamber now and announce retaliation or come in there and resign.