Sexy Beasts (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

I'm so single, I'm dressed as a panda bear
to try to find a connection with somebody.
I'm at the point now where I'm dating
probably to marry somebody.
So, are you like a nerd-nerd
or you like a hot nerd?
Baby, I'm a hot nerd.
Yes!
When it comes to dating,
we all go for looks first.
Is it love at first sight?
So, in this show,
everyone looks as weird as possible.
Could you fall in love with someone
based on personality alone?
Ass first, personality second.
Would you feel
that way when you see their real face?
You are hot!
Welcome to the strangest blind date ever.
This is Sexy Beasts.
Say hello to Kariselle from New Jersey,
a pageant girl and party motivator.
Yes, you've heard that right,
and yes, it's the greatest job ever!
But if life's a party,
what're you doing here?
Let's face it, we're all shallow,
and I have a problem where I'm like,
"That guy is hot.
Can I make him fall in love with me?"
But I feel like if I could bond
with someone's personality,
their sense of humor,
that could be something that sticks,
because I'm clearly
doing this dating thing wrong.
You've come to the right place.
All you've got
to work with is personality.
I went to a psychic,
and she said,
"When you're 24, around November,
you are gonna meet
the love of your life overseas."
I'm 24, it is November,
and I'm in England!
Kinda sounds like fate, if you ask me.
She didn't mention the panda head?
Leaving that out seems odd.
Anyway, what're you looking for
from your dates today?
I'm ready to find my future husband!
Someone who is maybe as fun,
and klutzy, and goofy as I am.
They have to wanna start a future ASAP.
Let's get this rolling,
'cause my time's ticking.
You got it!
So, let's meet the guys who could be
about to marry a party-motivating panda.
Starting with Ethan,
a marine biologist from Dallas, Texas.
I'm definitely confident
I could attract a girl
without her knowing what I look like.
I have a really good personality.
Perfect. Tell us about you.
I play underwater hockey. I freedive.
I can hold my breath for four minutes,
and I know more things about dolphins
to blow your mind three times over.
What?
You can hold your breath for four minutes?
This I have to see!
Mmm
It's not quite as thrilling as I'd hope.
Let's move on.
Next up is Tyler,
a model and security guard
from Los Angeles.
Sometimes, people make assumptions
based on the way I look.
I might not be the most handsome person,
but I work with what I got.
You've got your work cut out.
How's your personality?
Out of ten,
I'd rate my personality a 9.9999.
Huh, I guess no one's perfect.
I know what it takes to win.
I know who I am, and I know I'm a catch,
and, perhaps, I might find love.
Hoping you don't is Josh,
an engineer from Atlanta, Georgia.
I'm hoping to potentially find
the love of my life.
No pressure.
So, who'd be your ideal woman?
Well, I find myself introverted,
so I think the perfect girl for me
would be somebody a bit more outgoing,
and also somebody that could indulge me
in some of my nerdier habits.
How nerdy are we talking?
I would love a girl
that's into Marvel and Star Wars,
and could also match me
in my Funko Pop collection.
Oh, wouldn't we all, Josh?
Wouldn't we all?
Well, anyway, Kariselle will now
speed date all three boys
I assume this seat wasn't taken.
before one is eliminated and unmasked.
You want a fact about pandas?
Who will the Panda keep in the
game based purely on first impressions?
- What's your zodiac sign?
- Taurus.
- Coincidence, maybe?
- Damn!
Let the dating begin.
Where are you from, Kariselle?
Don't tell me. The zoo?
Just I'm joking.
- Good one, Dad.
- No
I love that Tyler
immediately made a Dad joke
because that is my thing.
I love a class clown,
I definitely got good vibes right away.
So, are you like a nerd-nerd,
or you like a hot nerd?
- Baby, I'm I'm a hot nerd.
- Yes!
- We love ourselves a hot nerd.
- There we go, hey.
Usually, I'm the nerd,
and I feel like Josh could out-nerd me,
and that's really important.
What's the most
interesting thing about you?
My friends call me the real-life Aquaman.
I can hold my breath for four minutes.
- Four minutes?
- Yeah.
On purpose?
Why would someone hold their breath
for four minutes? I don't understand.
What's your relationship like
with your family?
That's a bumpy one.
I grew up with a single mom.
Yeah.
Seeing her struggle and everything,
it definitely opens your eyes
to what life's like.
- What about you?
- Yeah. I'm so close with my family.
Any person I date, I bring home to Mom,
have to get her approval
before it gets serious.
Family's important.
Cool.
- How would your friends describe you?
- Uh class clown.
"I can't believe she just did that" girl.
A Sour Patch Kid.
Lunatic, crazy, psychopath.
Why psychopath?
You haven't seen
my Google search history yet.
Looking for a relationship?
What're you looking for?
I'm at the point now where I'm dating
probably to marry somebody.
Me too. I'm dating to marry.
Before you know, we'll be 30.
- Ever cheated?
- No, never.
- A lot of followers on Instagram?
- No.
- Got a lot of bitches in your DM's?
- No, I
I love that!
Two things I hate.
I hate exes, and I hate hoes
He seems to have none of them,
which is amazing.
- When do you want kids?
- Twenty-eight?
- Twenty-eight?
- Yeah!
I'm trying to get knocked up tomorrow!
Wow.
I'm so single, I'm dressed as a panda bear
to try to find a connection with somebody.
Hey, I mean, it's working.
- Ever have a threesome?
- I
Ooh, ooh
I have kissed multiple girls
at the same time.
- Fine.
- I will not lie.
You just look so cute in this panda mask.
Right now, I'm I'm dying.
What if I was like,
"I want you to me in this?"
I mean I mean what are we doing?
Pandas are an endangered species,
so do it for the greater good.
Cheers!
Now the speed dates are over,
how did the boys enjoy
being probed by the Panda?
I thought Kariselle was great.
If she is lucky enough
to have a second date with me,
I know for a fact
that she will fall for me.
I am definitely hoping
to have another date with her.
She was a lovely girl,
and she was fun to be around.
I definitely felt some kind of connection.
It was nice to have somebody be direct.
It was a bit jarring,
but it's good to be surprised.
My gut instinct
is that they're all great, genuine people,
but I'm gonna make the decision
based on who I could see
as a life partner.
This is literally the future in my hands.
What if I choose the wrong husband?
The stakes could not be higher
as we move to Sexy Beasts Manor,
where pandas have been choosing
their mates for centuries,
and where Kariselle will ditch a date
before his real face is revealed.
Hi!
Thank you guys so much
for three awesome dates.
Ethan, I love how genuine you are,
and you're so different
from anyone I've ever dated,
which I think is a plus.
However, I feel maybe
we don't have enough in common
to keep the spark alive.
Tyler, you are my type to a T,
but maybe you're a little bit
too much of a ladies' man.
Josh, I love that you're a nerd,
and I feel like you have
no hoes back home,
which is really important to me.
However, I feel like
maybe you might not be ready
for the commitment that I'm ready for.
I wish I could go on a second date
with all of you guys, but unfortunately,
gonna have to let one of you go.
And that person is
Ethan.
Yeah, all right! I'll see you guys, man.
- Enjoy! Thank you so much!
- Hey.
Thank you!
Well, that was weird.
Does he think he's won?
I was hoping she would eliminate me.
One of the things she said to me I said,
"How would your friends describe you?"
She said, "Psychopathic."
I'm like, "Oh!"
In terms of that being a person
I wanna spend time and date with,
it's a no-no.
I won't be bothered if he's good-looking
because a man that's excited
to not be with me anymore
is not a man I'm attracted to anymore.
He's outta the running
to be Kariselle's husband,
so let's get Ethan out of the mask.
Thanks to some quick work
with a can opener,
we can see that he is good-looking,
but is he good-looking enough
for Kariselle to forgive that reaction?
Yo!
Oh my God, you're so cute!
What up, man?
He is adorable. I would let Ethan
put his tongue in my mouth any day.
Was I what you expected?
Oh my God, you're so handsome!
I am very curious to see
what the other two look like.
If they all look like Ethan, I'm good.
Like, we're good, that's awesome!
But what will Ethan think
when we give him
a look at Kariselle's real face?
Wow, this is Kariselle?
She's attractive, for sure,
but I'm about that inner beauty.
We're down to two potential husbands.
Josh and Tyler
get one more date with Kariselle
before she chooses her winner,
and all the masks come off.
First up is Tyler.
I don't have too many tactics.
I'm quite sure that my personality
will help me succeed today.
And what better way
to encourage panda-alien love
than a romantic date axe throwing?
You ready?
And
All right.
What's your perfect date?
- The person makes the perfect date.
- Yeah?
I feel if you can do nothing
with somebody and have a good time
- You can do everything.
- Exactly.
Well, you're making this fun.
You're making it fun.
Ready? Go.
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
It's a natural connection,
and he's my type, which is awesome.
I definitely felt there was a connection
between us.
She's fun to be around.
What's the perfect man for you?
Sense of humor is so sexy to me.
You know what I mean?
Too many people have
the personality of a potato.
Doesn't matter how you look.
If you're funny, you're hot.
So, basically, I'm steaming hot right now.
Yeah, okay. Okay, mister Dad jokes.
All right,
tell me one of your worst date stories.
A guy asked me to pee on him.
Oh! Geez, okay,
you're going zero to a 100 real quick.
You can't outdo that,
you'd have to be really bad.
I got catfished.
I matched with a girl.
We were talking,
but she didn't look anything
like her picture.
But let me tell you, though.
Your boy thinks ahead of time.
I brought my homeboy with me
in case things went south.
Just in case she was ugly.
No, just in case I got catfished!
Nowadays, you don't know.
That's your worst date story?
Someone asked me to pee on them!
Catfishing is horrible!
I wouldn't tell somebody I'm a human
then show up as an alien.
Uh, that is exactly
what you're doing right now.
So, what if I pick you,
and I'm not what you expect underneath?
It kinda makes me nervous.
What if I pick Tyler,
and then he sees me, and he's like,
"This was the worst date,"
or, "This was the worst experience"?
We should make a bet.
I hit the bull's-eye next throw.
What are the stakes of the bet?
I might get to take you out
on another date maybe.
- Oh, yeah, maybe?
- Maybe.
Maybe, we'll see.
- Ready?
- One, two, three.
- That's gotta count.
- Oh my God!
- We both got it!
- Look!
Stars are aligning.
- That was so much fun.
- It was. It was a really good time.
- Oh! Cheers!
- Hey, cheers! Let's go.
- Are you in love with me yet?
- Oh! I'm gonna
I'm feeling a spark. There's a vibe.
It's such a natural connection
that I haven't felt in probably years.
It was definitely the best date
I've had in a long, long time.
Do you think I'm crazy?
- In a good way. You better be crazy.
- Can you put up with crazy?
I'd rather much have a crazy person
than a boring person
who's gonna never take risks,
never put themselves out there.
I am a lot.
You better be a lot.
Shit, cause I want a lot!
At the moment,
Tyler is my potential husband.
I think he was my type to a T,
but I feel like
I'm not getting all of him.
So, you know, if Josh shows me
that he's all in right away,
that might be the deciding factor.
So, Tyler may not have
done enough to be the one.
Can Josh prove he's perfect for the Panda?
I wouldn't say I have any tactics.
I would just like to live in the moment.
Just to have fun.
You know, stay loose
and enjoybeing on a date
with Kariselle in a panda mask.
Surely, there's no
better place for a bull to show a panda
that he's the one than the zoo.
That's so cute.
The party-motivator scene would do numbers
if you brought a pet meerkat.
Yeah, I think people
are bored of just, you know, a girl.
Not just a girl, let's be fair.
- You make a really good panda.
- A good panda?
Easily the cutest panda I've seen.
This is how bad our dating life is.
Yeah, yeah.
We're wearing animal masks
in an animal sanctuary.
I think it's sort of poetic, actually.
I'm very convinced he's a hot geek.
That's a fantasy of mine.
Who doesn't wanna
have sex with a hot nerd?
She's actually a cool girl,
really down to earth, quite funny,
and I like her a lot.
- So, what about after this?
- What about it?
What do you think about us?
Think this could be something?
There's potential.
Oh my God, they're so big!
No, Josh. What are you doing?
That's a dangerously loaded pose.
I accept.
Pretty sure that's legally binding.
- Oh, look!
- There he is.
What do you think he's saying?
Ooh!
- He's, like, sort of woofing like a dog.
- I know!
My God, he's so cute.
Finally,
like all trips to the zoo,
this one ends with cheese and wine
in front of a massive fish tank.
We're gonna try
to drink this wine at the same time.
- Let's do it.
- Ready?
Be as unattractive as possible.
Let me just, like,
tidy up my nose ring here a bit.
- I used to have a nose ring.
- Did you?
- Yeah.
- I used to have a mouth.
Umm
I'm like, "I need to touch you
a little to see what the vibes are."
I'm like, "We're at a zoo.
We can't do that."
What if you're not attracted to me
when you see who I am?
Physical attraction isn't everything.
That's why this has been great.
Sort of get to know you
before I see the blonde hair,
- thick eyebrow, Jersey girl.
- How you know if I have blonde hair?
I'm just speculating.
I'm just speculating here.
- Am I right?
- I'm an Italian from Jersey.
- What do you think?
- Blonde hair, thick eyebrows.
After the time we spent together,
I've grown quite fond of her.
Think she'll choose me.
I wanna find the one.
Somebody I can, uh,
go to the zoo with and be silly,
and spill red wine
all over my shirt maybe, so
I wanna get married.
I wanna have babies before I'm 26.
Do you have health insurance?
- Yes.
- Perfect!
- You just got so much hotter.
- Yeah.
I dunno if he wants a serious future,
but I'm good at convincing.
Whole cracker, right?
Oh my God.
Mm-hm.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
I felt a good connection with Josh.
He's very kind. Very sweet.
He's very predictable,
and I like predictable
because my life is so unpredictable.
Then you have Tyler
where it's this instant connection
and really draws me in.
It's definitely making this decision
a coin toss at this point.
I'm not playing around.
Like, my future husband is here.
So, who will Kariselle choose
as her sexy husband?
Will she go for wild and crazy?
Girl, you better be a lot,
'cause I want a lot!
- Or safe and sensible?
- You have health insurance?
- Yes.
- Perfect!
- Hey, guys!
- Hey, you.
Thank you both for going on dates with me
'cause I had so much fun.
You guys are so different in the best way.
Tyler, what I love about you
is that we have this instant connection.
We're so similar. It's so natural,
and that's obviously something important.
And then, Josh,
you surprised me so much today!
You're not the type of person
I'd think I'd bond with,
and that was really cool for me.
This was not easy.
I just have I have to go with my gut.
I've made my decision.
My Sexy Beast and future husband is
Tyler.
Let's go!
Hey, mate.
- Congrats.
- Get in here.
- Yeah. Good stuff, man.
- Thank you, brother.
Come here.
I wasn't a thousand percent sure.
I am extremely happy to be the Sexy Beast.
I think she's gonna be very happy
with what she sees.
Gotta get better than this.
I feel like Tyler's the one for me,
and I don't know if he's hot or not!
I'm disappointed not to win,
but wasn't ready for the commitment
she was looking for anyway,
so it all works out.
So, when's the wedding?
Not sure about the wedding yet.
We'll wait and see what she looks like.
The wedding is definitely on!
Somebody get ordained, okay?
Because I'm like,
"Time's ticking, let's go!"
Obviously,
they can't get married looking like this,
so let's reveal everyone's real faces.
Starting with our party-motivating panda,
Kariselle.
Whoa! Long, blonde hair?
Thick eyebrows? Josh was right.
But before Kariselle
meets her fiancé Tyler,
it's time to reveal the hot nerd
with health insurance.
Oh, yeah!
Sadly, Kariselle has blown her chance
of dating a real-life Clark Kent.
What will her reaction be as we head
to the Manor's twinkling Tunnel of Love,
where they'll meet for the first time?
Oh my God.
Hi, Panda.
- Hi!
- Look at you.
- So, I was right. You are blonde.
- I am blonde.
She's very attractive, very pretty,
but I figured she would be.
I could see into the eyes of the mask
that she'd be an attractive girl.
I don't know why I wanna cry.
It's hard because it's like
I came here for love,
but I'm leaving with a broken heart too.
I think it's meant to be and,
uh, no hard feelings.
It's bittersweet because no matter what,
they're both so great
that no matter who I pick,
I leave heartbroken a bit.
- I'll see you later, Panda.
- See ya.
So, here goes.
Apart from not mentioning the panda mask,
was that psychic right?
Kariselle is about to meet the real Tyler.
Will there be wedding bells?
You're so cute!
I'm here in the real In the flesh.
Woo-hoo! Who wouldn't want
a close encounter with this kind of alien?
Oh my God!
He's so hot.
Like, he's real
Where did you find this person?
Not what you were expecting?
A little bit.
- Out of this world?
- The eyes. Out of this world.
- Oh, Dad jokes, you still got 'em.
- They're always gonna be there.
- Oh my God!
- Wow! I know.
- Was I what you were expecting?
- Better than I expected.
- Oh, good answer! Okay, I'll take that.
- Yeah.
I think the mask off was heaven,
and a little bit of a kiss,
that was heaven too.
This is so romantic. And we kissed,
and it was just like, "Oh my God!"
I've been waiting for this
this whole time.
It was to have a magic moment
with somebody who I really connected with,
share a kiss that makes me be like,
"Ooh," and just leave.
- Wanna see where things go?
- Let's do it.
I'm ready to mingle.
I'll show mine if you show yours.
- This date's taken a weird turn.
- Whip it!
He doesn't like me for me.
Not worth it.