Sherri (2009) s01e03 Episode Script

la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Mama, why do i have to have cereal again? Because you love cereal.
I love eggs more.
I'm your mother, and i know what you love.
And you love cereal.
Because you don't have to cook it.
I also don't have to cook broccoli.
Yeah, that's what i thought.
Now go get dressed.
We're gonna be late.
I don't have any underwear.
I'm sorry, honey.
Mommy didn't have time to do laundry this week.
You know, how about this once I let you go in your bathing suit instead of your underwear? I did that yesterday.
Oh.
Well, i guess you're gonna have to go commando.
What's commando? Commando is when well, when very brave soldiers Very brave soldiers go out into the world Without underwear.
Yay, yay! No underwear! Whew.
No matter what their age, Boys like their boys to be free.
Hey, kevin, it's me, sherri.
Do you ever answer your phone? You know, tomorrow is bo's birthday, And you said you'd get him a basketball hoop.
So i'm just confirming That you're actually getting him the hoop And that it'll be here tonight So he can wake up to it tomorrow morning, Like we do like we used to do Before you knocked up the sandwich-Making ho! Let's not dwell.
All you have to do is leave me a damn message.
Can you handle that, or is it just too much to ask? Whoo, check me out.
I kept my cool.
[ Chuckles .]
Bo! Come on, baby! We got to hustle! Okay.
Mommy oh, tell me on the way.
But, mommy.
Later! Come on.
Let's go baby.
| | You couldn't tell me before i left?! Oh.
Hey, this looks interesting.
What's going on? It's our new garibaldi coffee maker.
Sounds good, but i just don't have time.
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
What do you have that's so important That you can't wait for a delicious cup of garibaldi? You should treat yourself, sherri.
You deserve it.
What, you work for the coffee company or something? I'm just saying.
Did you even comb your hair this morning? Oh, i tried, but there's just so much to do.
Bo's birthday is tomorrow, And i got to plan his party for the weekend Don't let me forget paper plates And if i can't reach kevin, I got to run out and buy a basketball hoop.
Or maybe i'll get lucky and kevin will call.
All i asked you was did you comb your hair this morning? Hey, you opened the door.
And now i'm closing it.
Okay, now, don't forget, you said you'd cover me at lunch.
Oh, that's right.
You got that thing with the church lady.
She's not just any church lady.
No, she's the president of the ministers' wives.
Oh, my god, what is she doing here three hours early? I think she's here to spy on me.
Ooh, what you got communion wafers in your purse? They're a perfectly acceptable snack until they're blessed.
Celia, someone's here to see you.
Oh, dolores, such a pleasant, early surprise.
This is sherri.
You met angie.
Your hair's on crooked.
Oh, it was it was fine on the express.
I think the local knocked it around a bit.
[ Laughter .]
Okay.
[ Clears throat .]
Dolores, why don't we find A comfortable place for you to sit down? Oh, hey, sherry, since you're in line, can you grab me a cup? And can you add some hot water, 'Cause it's always a little strong for me? And don't forget the skim milk.
Oh, sherri? 1 1/2 sweeteners.
Guess this is my life now.
I got to take care of everybody and do everything myself.
[ Sighs .]
I live with my elderly father.
He needs constant care and thinks every day is wednesday.
What would you like in your coffee? Oh, this tastes like two sweeteners.
You want to drink it or wear it? Have you seen summer? No, i haven't seen her all morning.
Oh, good.
I'm gonna pop out and buy bo a basketball hoop.
Hats can't forget party hats.
Sherri, i know you promised to cover me for lunch, And i need you now.
I just got these briefs from mr.
Peaslee.
Oh, that's the big boss.
Yeah, and he needs them right away.
Dolores is running me ragged.
She thinks she's at a special kinko's Where everything is free.
You know what? Any other day, i'd be happy to, but today i Please, please, please.
My plate is already full.
Sherri, it's the big boss.
Okay.
Thank you.
[ Sighs .]
You know, this reminds me of the time When my dad wanted to cook pork chops on the grill, But it wasn't clean.
And my mom was like, "You better clean it if you're gonna cook on it.
" And my dad goes, "why would i clean it If i'm the one doing the cooking?" So my mother's like oh, let me guess.
Your mom cleaned the grill and cooked the pork chops.
No, she pushed him down the deck stairs, And we spent the day at urgent care.
[ Alarm blaring .]
Fire.
Fire.
This is not a drill.
This is an actual emergency.
Do not collect your belongings, And proceed directly to the nearest stairway exit.
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
Dolores, where's celia? Oh, she's getting me a hole punch for my belt.
It's too big.
No, we got to go towards the stairs.
It's a fire alarm.
We got to move.
Well, i've got to get my pocketbook.
No, no time for pocketbooks.
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Let's go! People! People! What you just experienced was a fire drill.
[ Laughs .]
there was no actual fire.
Simmer, simmer, simmer.
I am the new 15th-Floor fire captain.
And we beat the company evacuation record By a lifesaving two minutes.
So give yourselves a round of applause.
I had something beautiful, and you had to sully it.
People, please be advised that you are to remain here Until you receive the all-Clear signal, Which will be me Yelling down from the 15th floor, "all clear.
" Celia, i think you forgot something.
No, i didn't.
Dolores.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Sighs .]
Oh, as long as i'm out, I should run and go get bo's gift real quick, Unless kevin did let me check.
Oh, great, he sent a text.
"Ion mdetbg call karer.
" Angie, can you read this? Sure.
"Ion mdetbg call karer.
" Hey, kevin, this is sherri.
I don't understand this text.
I told you your fat fingers were too fat for the damn phone.
Did you get the hoop? Call me back.
[ Sighs .]
I can't risk it.
I better get it myself.
Aah, damn, i don't have my purse.
It shouldn't be this hard to get a toy.
And what is that smell? I think it's you.
[ Sniffs .]
It's church-Lady vaporub.
And it's all over me.
How bad is it? Welli had sinusitis, and now i don't.
Where have you been? Well, since i was out, i picked up a birthday present for bo.
And i passed the toy store.
Don't worry, they have plenty of great basketball hoops.
Oh, my god.
Why didn't i get you one? What was i thinking? Well, to be fair, you were walking.
Sherri, don't be mad at me.
Look what i got.
[ Rustling .]
It's a guinea pig.
It's a birthday present for bo.
The hell it is.
Oh, don't be silly.
Look how fun he is.
Bo will love him.
Now, all you have to do is buy it a cage, Tiny guinea kibble, And then cut an orange up into little pieces.
I got to garnish the pig's food? Well, the pig needs vitamin c.
I need vitamin c.
This is just more stuff for me to do.
Or more joy for bo.
Tip on parenting Anything that gives bo joy is more work for me to do.
Uh-Oh.
Really? It got out? I'm so surprised.
Why did he do that? Maybe he had to go out and get vitamin c.
Angie, you got to find it.
I got to drop these documents off with mr.
Peaslee, Make a mad dash to the toy store, And what was that other thing? Oh, yeah, i got to pee.
Oh, and sherri, before i forget, Mr.
Peaslee wants you to bring him A cup of garibaldi coffee with the briefs.
Fine, i'll get the coffee.
Oh, great.
It's a line.
Hey, gloria.
You are looking smoking hot in that skirt.
Do you mind if i cut in? I got a 48-Hour day in front of me.
Oh, girl, you know what i'm saying.
Oh, ralph! I almost didn't recognize you in that fantastic haircut.
Are you finally going to a professional salon? [ Laughs .]
Ooh, caitlyn.
Are you still working out? Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ah.
Hey, how's it going, donna? Real good.
Almost all my eyelashes have grown back.
That sounds fantastic.
[ Sighs .]
[ Coffee machine beeps .]
"Call the manufacturer"? [ Scoffs .]
I'm not calling the manufacturer.
I want my damn coffee.
Come on.
Oh! Aah! Aah! Celia: what happened to you? You don't want to know.
I hope you enjoyed your lunch.
Dolores was a lot more fun after three daiquiris.
I left her making out with the maitre d'.
[ Laughs .]
angie: ah! The pig! A lot happened while you were gone.
But not to your hair.
[ Groans .]
Aw, sweetie.
Hey, look what i got for bo.
Oh.
Oh, that is adorable.
Yes.
So everybody managed to get out of the office And get my son a gift except me.
Well, go do it now.
I can cover for you.
Oh, really? I am gonna take you up on that.
Ah! [ Cellphone rings .]
Oh, my phone.
Maybe that's kevin calling.
Hello? Oh, mrs.
Granville.
Is everything okay with bo? Well, he ran out of underwear.
Commando.
No, i didn't make that up.
Zipper incident? Oh.
I'll be right there.
What happened? Bo zipped his diddly.
I got to take him to the pediatrician's.
Ooh, well, at least you get to see dr.
Gregg.
[ Clicks tongue .]
Yeah, and thank goodness i look and smell so good.
Okay, well, at least let me give you my jacket.
[ Sighs .]
What do you think on or off? Either way.
Either way.
Not to worry everything's fine with bo.
All his parts are still in working order.
Oh, that's good.
We couldn't save the zipper.
Can you believe some parents Send their kids to school in their bathing suits? Oh, that's just crazy.
I wore my bathing suit yesterday.
Keep sucking on that lollipop, sweetie.
Hey, bo, you know, i have got some cool new toys Out in the waiting room.
Oh, that sounds like a good idea.
And you know what? Grandpa will take you home.
And i will see you after work.
[ Smooches, chuckles .]
It's really good to see you.
It's good to see you, too.
New perfume? Sort of.
I've been experimenting with coffee and menthol.
Long story.
I know i look awful.
If that's the worst you're ever gonna look, It's still pretty good to me.
Yeah, that's the worst Probably.
Hey, i was wondering [ Cellphone ringing .]
Is that your phone? Oh.
Excuse me.
I have to get this.
But it's just gonna take a minute.
I really want to know what you're wondering.
Hello? Did you get it? I can't hear you.
Kevin? K oh, damn it.
I am so [ Sighs .]
[ Gasping .]
Don't ask me if i need any help.
I'm just carrying something twice my size.
[ Groaning .]
Excuse me, ma'am, are you aware That you just entered the subway without paying? Of course i'm aware.
You try to getting a basketball hoop though a turnstile.
Can you step over here for me, ma'am? No, i got to get this home and set up for my kid's birthday.
Well, that's gonna have to wait.
You're under arrest.
[ Laughing .]
Is this one of those reality shows Where i get beaten down all day, And then when i get home i got a brand-New house? I told you i wasn't fare-Jumping.
I would have gladly paid.
Look, here is my metro card and a coupon to taco heaven.
Take that, too.
Could i have your license, please? My l what do you need my license for? Ma'am, i'm just gonna write you a citation.
A citation? You're writing me a citation? That's just perfect.
It's the perfect ending to this day.
You have no idea what it's been like.
And it's not just today.
It's every day.
You don't understand.
I'm raising my son on my own.
I didn't have time to cook him breakfast.
I didn't do his laundry, Which led to an unfortunate zipper incident.
[ Crowd murmuring .]
Uh-Huh, uh-Huh none of which would have happened Had my husband not had his own unfortunate zipper incident With a 23-Year-Old girl.
That's right.
And she got pregnant.
[ Crowd gasps .]
And all i needed was a phone call Letting me know he got our son a hoop.
But unfortunately, i didn't get that phone call.
Otherwise i wouldn't be standing here with a basketball hoop That doesn't fit through a turnstile.
Let her go.
Let her go.
[ Crowd chanting "let her go!" .]
Let me go! Let me go! Let me go! Let hey, where's my angry mob?! Let me go! Hey, drop that hoop right now, or he's He's gonna shoot you! [ Sighs .]
[ Gasping .]
All right, there we go perfect height.
Mommy! Look what daddy got me.
Isn't that sweet? Bo, go and put away the new underwear mommy bought you.
Would have been even sweeter if daddy had told someone.
[ Door slams .]
Why did you do that? You knew i was getting him one.
I sent you a text.
I called you.
Yeah, well, it doesn't count if i can't understand it.
You are so annoying.
Annoying? I was in meetings all day, And my phone would not stop ringing.
Why did you think you had to call? I said i was getting him a hoop, and i did.
You also said, "till death do us part," And then we seen what happened there.
Sherri yes, i screwed up, okay? It's the biggest, the worst mistake i have ever made.
And i will regret it for the rest of my life.
But do you have to bring it up in every single conversation? If i am feeling it.
But i would never let bo down, and you know that.
Okay.
I'd also never send him out commando without a button fly.
He told you? He told the whole building.
[ Laughs .]
Look, baby, i know it's tough on you.
I mean, i can see and and smell you've had a tough day.
I want to help you, but you have to let me.
I mean, you got to start trusting me again.
Yeah, well, i don't know when that's gonna happen.
Bo: so, mommy, What did you get me for my birthday? Oh! Um Um Happy birthday, sweetie.
What's a basketball hoop without a basketball? Whoo-Hoo! Whoo-Hoo! All right, bo, take a shot, buddy.
Take a shot, baby.
Oh, yeah! Yeah! There you go.
Hey, sherry, take a shot.
Oh, mommy gets a turn! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Whoo-Hoo! Give five, high five, baby! Yeah! Come on.
Come on.
Give it on up.
Take another shot.
There you go.
Aah! Yay! Yay! All right.
Yay!