Sleuth 101 (2010) s01e03 Episode Script
Delete Cache
(SIGHS) Bloody Torben.
He'll see what happens when he messes with me.
(SPEAKS WITH ACCENT) Quick! Most famous tennis player of all time?! Roger Federer? Is that the design for the new anti-grav sports arena? It's awesome.
Totally cool.
No, it's my screensaver.
They won't get rid of those herd-ringers so easily.
(GROANS) This is the last time we let Nazeem buy the coffee.
Who turned the heat up? It's not even on, Cache.
Are you OK? Yeah.
I'm fine.
I just Cache.
Cache.
Whoa.
Whoa! TORBEN: Idea.
Motion-sensitive tennis racquet that gives coaching tips in voice of Roger Federer.
What's happening? It's Cache.
Call an ambulance! It's too late.
He's dead.
Cache, can you log out for a second? (APPLAUSE) (CHEERING) Welcome to Sleuth 101.
These are the offices of Torblab, birthplace and control centre of the virtual online computer game 'Sirius Nine'.
Uber-nerd Cache, or Darren Gablonsky as he's known to his parents, has just been permanently deleted.
Logging on as our guest detective this week, it's the delightfully downloadable Claire Hooper.
(APPLAUSE) Hi! How are you, love? Now, Claire, what sort of, er, style of detective are you gonna be this evening? I don't know.
I'd like to be Nancy Drew.
But I think she's more confident than me.
I think I'm pretty much gonna play at the competency level of myself at 'Cluedo', which is enthusiastic but basically living in fear that I myself did it and don't know, and it's just this big existential crisis.
Well, there are four suspects in tonight's murder.
They're all employees of Torblab offices.
You'll meet them later, but first we'll check out the scene of the crime, the offices of Torblab.
(APPLAUSE) Now, this is the employee's workstation at Torblab.
Here they run 'Sirius Nine', an amazingly successful sci-fi online world.
It's basically a game set in space where socially inept geeks from all over the world reimagine themselves as gung-ho intergalactic planet-ruling socially inept geeks.
(CHUCKLES) Cache, whose job it was to administrate 'Sirius Nine's 20,000 users died just over there.
What we want you to do is have a look round and see if you can find any more evidence.
Um, like, given that he looked sick as he went down, I'm just I mean, I'm just gonna This has gotta this coffee cup's gotta Good choice.
Good choice.
be analysed.
That's all I can Good choice.
Good to see you're wearing gloves too, detective.
Oh! (LAUGHTER) So there's half a doughnut there.
Well, luckily you can't leave fingerprints on a doughnut, so I'm taking that with my hand.
Here.
Here.
Here.
So coffee cup, doughnut Um Um, maybe think about if you were gonna hide something or throw something away, where would you Oh! Eh? Mysteriously, there is only one thing in this bin.
Now, I don't know if that makes it significant, but I'm taking this.
So it's a a screwed-up note.
"Curtis 23".
Alright.
OK.
Interesting.
And clearly I'll be taking this to read later.
So I need that for evidence.
Ooh, sexy.
Um, these are all things that, er, you know, someone's had in their mouth.
What what else Let's hope this isn't one of them.
(LAUGHTER) Is there anything else around that you may have seen Cache maybe put in his mouth? Did he I have this pen.
Excellent - you've picked up the piece of evidence using the other piece of evidence to not leave fingerprints on it.
Professional.
Come back down here.
I think you've done a good job, Detective Hooper.
Have I? I don't think I have.
Now, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna send this coffee cup with some coffee in it back to forensics, along with this doughnut, I would say.
I'll pop it in my podium for them to pick up.
Do you want the pen in your podium? Ooh.
Hello.
I'll take the pen.
You keep the post-it note, I would say.
Alright.
Now, it's time to meet your first suspect.
Torblab CEO Torben Bach.
Torben is a Danish wunderkind who's never stopped having ideas.
His digital radio pants walked out the door, his wireless lettuce spinner brought in plenty of the green stuff, and now his totally addictive total-immersion virtual world, 'Sirius Nine', has taken the real world by storm.
This day was very wack, you know? It was crazy like spider monkey.
No, no, Mikel, that's bull-poop.
If you can't supply the mpegs by 2pm, the deal is off and you are dead to me.
Anyway, big hugs to Jenny and the kids.
'Bye.
I had to go through all my emails before our morning Think Tank.
Delete, delete, delete The Think Tank is a place to sit around and, you know, shoot the wind, all open, relaxed.
Mordock has gone completely feral! He's taken over the entire council.
He's making life hell for everybody.
If I knew who the user was, I'd totally You're the administrator.
Cancel his account.
I can't interfere.
'Sirius Nine' has to operate like the real world.
Kill or be killed.
What is this, the frickin' 'Lion King'? Hey, Nazeem, remember, the first rule of Think Tank - no negativity.
Isn't that rule, like, negative? Note to self - make new rules for Think Tank.
Sorry about that.
Nature calling.
Idea - combination bean bag toilet.
After Think Tank I went to the kitchen to rustle up my famous joe.
Everyone takes turns for doing coffee.
Cache, Cache, Cache - black, no sugar.
OK.
(MACHINE RUMBLES) I think I get everything right.
Gill, white with one.
Cache, black like his heart.
And Nazeem, black with two.
They don't drink much coffee in Japan, do they, Torbs? Ah, Hermione, there's your coffee, now come with me.
Quickly.
I had important things to discuss.
So, how's your Japanese? What? I don't speak Japanese.
Nevermind.
Imagine, hypodermically, that a software company run by a handsome Scandinavian genius is being bought out by a larger software company based in a country where they speak Japanese.
You're selling Torblab to Japan? Who told you? Oh, doesn't matter.
Point is, they are paying the big buckaroonies.
And they know that you are an ongoing vital cog in the 'Sirius Nine' adventure.
Yeah, right, Torben.
Cache hates the idea of selling out.
He'll try and stop you.
Cache would be taken care of.
Now, drink your coffee.
That's Torben-made.
Yeah, right.
Whatever.
I should go back to work.
Oh, of course.
So should I.
Er, noses to the gravestone and all that.
Then I settled in for my morning brainstorm.
Self-buttering toast.
Tennis! It wasn't long after that all hell broke wind.
Now, everything you saw was the truth.
But Torben may have cut and pasted some of the facts.
And the only way you are going to find that out, Claire, is to ask him yourself.
So it's time to click on Torben.
OK.
Hello.
Yes.
Hello.
So Torben, um, you hired Cache.
Did he know about your plans to sell the company to a Japanese He's not smart enough.
He he had no idea.
Are you sure? I'm l'm 80% l'm 70% positive.
70.
I'll make it It's not important what the percentage is.
I just know these things.
So where exactly in Scandinavia are you from? (CAL LAUGHS) No? OK.
(DROPS THE ACCENT) I like you.
You're feisty.
You've cracked the code.
Well done.
I'm from Broadmeadows.
It's an elaborate ruse.
So, Torben, if that is your real name, Torben, apparently, Nazeem got the coffee.
And was the coffee packet opened when you prepared the coffee? The coffee was sealed as you would generally find in a supermarket Well, this is too hard! Alright um, what did the comment, "Cache will be taken care of," mean? (SIGHS) I was gonna fire Cache, er, this coming week.
Er, I mean, sure, you know, he was smart enough to take my idea for the game and and build it up and make it into this amazing thing, 'Sirius Nine', that we now have in front of us.
But let me ask you this - do you think he was smart enough to read the fine print in his contract? It's a rhetorical question.
Of course he wasn't.
So he was gonna be eighty sixed.
He was gonna be fired.
I was gonna fire him.
I was gonna let him go.
I was gonna put him out to pasture OK, now I was gonna show him the keys Right.
I was gonna give him his pink slip.
If we had time I was gonna show him the exit.
Claire, I'm actually gonna have to stop the interview there.
You've exceeded your bandwidth.
And we also do have some results in for you from Pathology.
Yes? Cache died of cyanide poisoning.
The cyanide had been ingested in the final hour of his life.
And an examination of his stomach contents revealed the only thing he'd consumed in the morning prior to his death was black coffee.
Any thoughts, Ms Hooper? Maybe the coffee was poisoned? (LAUGHTER) Now it's time for you to speak to Gill Yardley.
Ever since school, Gill has been the self-proclaimed kooky one.
Her crazy attitude didn't go down so well in her last job at a psychiatric hospital, but here at Torblab she can let her freak flag fly.
I love this job.
'Sirius Nine' is just the best online game.
Players get to make their own characters.
And, you know, it's like real life, but in space.
Awesome! That's why I get in early.
I'm really dedicated.
Are you sending out more invites to your 'Gilmore Girls' Facebook group again? You brought the coffee.
That's rad.
Yeah, I got your email last night.
And your text message at 6am this morning.
It's important for morale, Nazeem.
The two lovebirds came in together.
Such a cool couple.
Then it was time for Think Tank.
I loved our 15 minutes of unstructured creativity every day at 9:45.
Gnarly news, guys! Exotica has made the "Top 10 Sexiest Women in the World" list.
Between Megan Fox and Paris Hilton.
We should give her user some kind of award.
You know we can't identify our users.
It's probably some sad loser.
Or a bloke.
I can't believe a two-dimensional character even made that list.
I can.
Exotica is beautiful.
I was talking about Paris Hilton.
Oh.
You know Councillor Mordock and Exotica are doing it? If you're gonna start talking about that arrogant jerk, I'm going to the toilet.
Cache and Nazeem started arguing about Mordock and that basically took up the rest of Think Tank.
Then it was back to the workstation to work.
They've actually interviewed Exotica online.
(READS MOCKINGLY) "I like powerful men.
"And the most powerful man in my universe is Mordock.
" That's gross.
It's beautiful.
It's true love.
I can't take any more of this.
I'm getting the doughnuts.
Hang on, let me check the roster.
Yes, it's your turn.
You can go, Hermi Hermione? Later, during coffee and doughnuts, I chatted with Cache.
You shouldn't eat those things.
My metabolism, OK? No, it's not that.
They're fried in animal fat.
Doughnuts are murder.
Look at him.
He thinks he's gonna be so rich.
But that's Hermione's.
What did he want? Where's my doughnut? Nazeem had it.
He left you the almond one.
OK.
But aren't you in a We'll be fine.
It was my turn to do the washing up.
I got everyone's cup but Cache's.
No, no, no, no.
I haven't finished.
When I got back, well, that's when Cache started, you know, dying and stuff.
Well, Claire, according to the roster, it's your turn to interview Gill.
Hi, Gill, um Oh, my God! I can't stand this bogus pressure.
OK, OK, I'm gonna c I'm gonna confess.
Alright, yes, I am Exotica.
Exotica! Yes! I knew it! Alright.
Top 10 sexiest women in the world - yes, it's a lot of pressure.
Yes, I have been shagging Councillor Mordock for the last three weeks.
Yes, it's been good.
But the point is do you know who Mordock is? No, I don't.
OK.
Look, do you always put the dishes in the dishwasher, get the coffee Only when it's my turn.
Oh, right.
OK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your turn to put them away, but who would've Does everyone always use the same coffee cups? No.
Why is it so hard to be a detective? I don't know.
OK.
Alright, let's talk about Cache and Hermione.
Has there been any strain in the relationship? No, because they're both goths.
And they're always tense.
Yeah.
Yeah, fair point.
But when she went to eat her doughnut, that wasn't her doughnut, I sensed a tense moment.
Do you I think that she's on a diet and maybe maybe Cache was questioning her about whether she should actually take a bite.
And while we're on that, can I just say, you might think that I eat too many doughnuts, but actually, Cache, Cache taught me - because he became a vegan about, I don't know, three weeks ago - that doughnuts are actually cooked in animal fat.
And I don't eat them anymore.
Now now, Claire, I hate to break you and your crazy new best friend up, but we've got some more forensics info for you.
OK.
The pen that Cache was sucking contained traces of saliva and nothing else.
All change for suspect number three - Hermione Trane, a design student who's tried her hand at everything from fashion and comic books to children's entertainment.
Hermione fell in love with Cache who brought her into the real and virtual worlds of 'Sirius Nine'.
Cache would've hated to go like this.
He once told me he wanted us to die together in a flaming car crashing into a Microsoft office.
He was romantic like that.
Oh, God, can we please skip the Think Tank today? As if Gill would let you.
(YAWNS) Why did you stay up all night? I had stuff to do.
I was sorting out the Torben problem.
What Torben problem? Alrighty.
Time for the Think Tank.
But I haven't finished my designs for the anti-grav arena.
I want to get the entrails glistening with blood.
It's gonna be beautiful.
Oh, come on.
(CLAPS) I wish someone had poisoned me during Think Tank.
Luckily my bladder gave me an excuse to escape.
NAZEEM: If I knew who his user was, I'd You're the administrator Luckily, it was almost over and I could get back to work.
I was really looking forward to my blueberry doughnut.
But then Torben wanted to talk.
And when I got back, Nazeem had stolen it.
I thought about confronting him, but revenge is a dish best served when he's not looking, and so I ate the almond one instead.
By 11:00, Cache had started his long walk through the valley of death.
Well, he'd started to sweat.
You know, he has no idea what I can do to him.
I'd be careful of Torben if I were you.
This is worth millions to him and he's smarter than you think.
(SCOFFS) Cache, um, can I speak to you for a minute? (SIGHS) I kept on working until, you know.
Poor Cache.
Alright, Hoops, it's time for your one-on-one think tank with Hermione.
First things first - you're in a relationship with Cache.
Yeah.
Does he, um, does he spend a lot of time on the computer when you're not around? You know, do you find that he doesn't come to bed, stays up Just lately, yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Do you think that he knew about the plan to sell to a Japanese company? He knew there was something going down.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You seem like a very nervous person.
Are you Oh, no, I'm just really itchy.
Sorry, I get itchy when I'm really stressed.
Do you have allergies? Um, no.
Not that I'm aware of.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, I got the impression you were maybe, I don't know, allergic to nuts or something.
But, um, that might be might be my mistake.
I do see you fidgeting I mean, were you not fidgeting with a rubber band in Think Tank? Are you Yeah, well, I mean, that's how I generate ideas.
It's just by fidgeting and, you know Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
You did mention something.
You mentioned that Cache had always said that he wanted you two to die together.
Yeah.
Um, do you think this company means enough to him that he would want to die if he lost his He doesn't he would not have wanted to die randomly like this.
He hates the word random and to die randomly is just so random.
Yeah.
Now, I hate to stop things on that No! that really romantic note.
Oh! OK.
Er, but I do have to interrupt you because we've got mail.
Oh, yes.
From Toxicology.
They've analysed Cache's coffee dregs and found potassium cyanide at a high enough concentration to kill.
Unfortunately, the machine and the other cups had already been cleaned.
Good work, Gill.
There's also no trace of poison in the coffee grounds.
But the coffee They don't always have the same coffee cups, so how could it be a how could it be planted in the cup? You're the detective.
Oh, that's right.
Our final suspect is Nazeem.
Nazeem Khan has four older brothers, all of them successful doctors.
When Nazeem quit his medical degree to join Torblab, he lost his father's respect.
But after only six months on the job, he was able to buy it back.
Can I just start by saying that I'm not a nerd, OK? 'Sirius Nine' is for nerds.
I'm the IT guy, and to me, it's just a job - a lucrative one.
Since it was my turn to buy the coffee, I thought I might as well get something decent.
That free trade crap Gill bought was just undrinkable.
Then I tried to get that freak Cache to see sense.
If Councillor Mordock keeps running Sirius like this, users will leave in droves.
That's bad business.
I wouldn't be surprised if Mordock's user is a mate of Cache's.
So dodgy.
But Cache had given me something else to worry about.
Not another herd-ringer.
(CLEARS THROAT) Nazeem, is it possible to find out who each character's user is? No.
Privacy's important.
You have to log on to the user's computer to find out who they are.
Oh.
My computer's a bit slow at the moment.
Could you have a look at it one day? Yeah, whatever.
(SIGHS) I also had to have a conversation I'd been planning for a while.
Can I speak to you for a minute? Look, if you're gonna keep banging on about Mordock I found another herd-ringer.
Oh, really? How many of these trojans have you put in my baby, you freak? Our baby.
It's my insurance policy.
If anyone tries to shaft me, I'll bring the whole thing down.
(SCOFFS) Torben will stop you.
If you tell Torben Tell Torben? I don't need to tell Torben.
He must already know.
Someone logged in as you last week when you were away.
What? Next time I came out of my office, he was dying.
Alright, Claire, it's time to unzip a file named Nazeem.
Let's hope he's not corrupted.
Nazeem, um, this job is very important to you? Yeah.
It pays the bills.
And it makes me really rich and it makes my family really happy.
'Cause I was gonna be a doctor, but then, like, I dropped out.
So that's a shame to me and my family and my culture and my country and the continent and every brown person, so I thought I'd redeem myself and my people by getting a lucrative job.
God.
But surely if this job fell through you'd be able to get a job somewhere else? What, as another IT guy? That's pretty racist.
Are you gonna profile me because I'm brown? Um Why don't you just put the handcuffs on already? Yeah, OK.
Alright.
Whoo.
OK.
Wow.
Good attack, but you're not gonna get out of it that easily, sir.
Because I don't see colour, alright? I just see guilt.
Hopefully, eventually.
Alright.
So you said something - "Not another 'herringer"'? What what did you say? No.
I said, "Not another herd-ringer.
" Herd-ringer? What's a herd-ringer? Well, Cache, the freak, every day, he would send out a virus to every user on 'Sirius Nine'.
And basically they would all die unless he sent out, like, the antivirus every single day.
That's what a herd-ringer is.
Do you think there's a herd-ringer for cyanide? What? I don't even know what that means.
I'm gonna have to control-alt-delete this interview.
But I just don't know anything about trojans.
It's alright, Claire.
We've got final forensic results in for you.
The half-eaten doughnut on Gill's desk contains flour, animal fats, sugar, custard and hydroxocobalamin Yes, it did! an antidote for cyanide poisoning.
Now, when doughnuts are being passed around, I always go for the one with hydroxocobalamin icing.
Don't you? And that, my geeklings, is it.
The download is complete.
So, whodunnit? Did the devious Dane delete the doughnut-denying dead guy? Or did Gill kill the dill with a pill for a thrill? Did the whiney Hermione make the shiny man all dying-y? It could be Nazeem, or so it would seem.
How about you at home? Do you fancy a clue? I think you do.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Helpful, or just the lamest karaoke you've ever heard.
And is it clear or unclear to Claire? Eh, Claire? Alright, Claire, you've rescued the princess, you're at the final level of the game, you've shot all the aliens, you've got the frog across the highway.
Now all you've got to do is name the killer.
Off you go.
Alright.
Sure.
Well, certainly everybody has a motive.
Um, I think what's important is that one of the clues was what I assume is Cache's login, although I don't know why.
What does it say again? It says Curtis 23.
You're nodding like it means It doesn't mean anything to me.
What is important is that it and this magazine that I took a shine to earlier on.
Oh! Were both o that's me.
Yeah, that's l Yeah, I kind of gathered that.
So I found this clue in Hermione's bin.
And I think the biggest clue was the concept of the herd-ringer.
And I think that the doughnuts were a herd-ringer.
They they contained an anti-cyanide, which means that she was able, when she visited the bathroom, to go into the kitchen and essentially lace every coffee cup with cyanide.
Everybody else took a bite of their doughnut, at least a bite.
And even Hermione, who I believe is allergic to almonds, and got a terrible rash from the almonds, even she ate her doughnut, knowing that she would die without eating the doughnut, 'cause she'd drunk her coffee.
Quite reluctantly.
I saw the I saw the second glance at the doughnuts as you went into Torben's office.
I just I knew they were dodgy.
Now, the only thing I'm not entirely sure about is her motive and I personally believe that the motive is that you had discovered, um, the affair that, um, Cache, as Mordock, was having (GILL GASPS) Yeah! I reckon! I reckon it was him.
And I reckon it was her that logged in as Curtis 23 on this one, wrote it down on a piece of post-it, screwed it up and put it in her bin, like a fool! And I believe it was, er, I believe it was just jealousy at the extramarital online affair.
That's what I think.
Alright, Claire, let's see if your filesharing is complete and accurate.
Come back down here with me.
Ooh! Sorry.
You seem really nice though.
Will the real murderer please upload themselves? Ooh.
Alright, it was me.
Oh, yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Whatever.
Yep, it was Hermione Trane.
Well done, Claire.
Hermione, who got suspicious of her lover staying up all night on the computer, so one day last week, when Cache was away, she cracked his password.
It wasn't hard.
Cache loved Joy Division.
And lead singer lan Curtis died when he was 23.
I wondered if the T-shirt was relevant.
She found out that Cache had been playing 'Sirius Nine' himself as Councillor Mordock.
He had manipulated the rules for his own gain in the game.
But what made her thoughts turn to murder was Mordock's virtual love affair with Exotica.
To her, this was an unforgivable betrayal.
Her plan was a work of genius akin to Cache's herd-ringer virus.
Rather than just poisoning Cache, she did, in fact, poison everyone.
During the Think Tank, instead of visiting the loo, she zipped off to the kitchen and put cyanide in the water in the coffee machine, thus poisoning all five Torblab employees including herself, Claire Hooper.
Then all she had to do was give antidote-laced doughnuts to the four people she wanted to keep alive, knowing, of course, that her newly vegan boyfriend wouldn't be tempted by the hideous, animal fat-laden sugary treats.
Unfortunately for her, Nazeem stole her doughnut, leaving her with the almond cream, which she was allergic to.
Yeah, thanks, Nazeem.
Did you notice the travelling rubber band? Yes, I did notice the rubber band! I am so excited.
'Cause I never once won 'Cluedo'.
I mean, I was talking about that at the start.
But never once did I get it.
I'm so excited.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
That was the most intelligent sleuth work we've had.
That's it for Sleuth 101 this week.
Did you spot tonight's actual red herring? Perhaps you 'herd' it.
Go to our website to let us know.
Or check out our own total-immersion, highly addictive 2D cyber-world that is the 'Sleuth' interactive game.
I may have oversold that just a little bit.
Until next week, I've been Cal Wilson, also known as Goodnight.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Next week on Sleuth 101, Bridget's getting ready for the most important day of her life when suddenly she's not alive anymore.
I could do with some deforestation.
(CHUCKLES) I hope you've got a barrel of wax.
It's been a while.
Karma Kutz beauty salon is the scene of the crime and there are more hair samples than you can poke a curling wand at.
What the hell are you doing here? Celebrity sleuth Adam Richard has a curly one to solve here on Sleuth 101.
He'll see what happens when he messes with me.
(SPEAKS WITH ACCENT) Quick! Most famous tennis player of all time?! Roger Federer? Is that the design for the new anti-grav sports arena? It's awesome.
Totally cool.
No, it's my screensaver.
They won't get rid of those herd-ringers so easily.
(GROANS) This is the last time we let Nazeem buy the coffee.
Who turned the heat up? It's not even on, Cache.
Are you OK? Yeah.
I'm fine.
I just Cache.
Cache.
Whoa.
Whoa! TORBEN: Idea.
Motion-sensitive tennis racquet that gives coaching tips in voice of Roger Federer.
What's happening? It's Cache.
Call an ambulance! It's too late.
He's dead.
Cache, can you log out for a second? (APPLAUSE) (CHEERING) Welcome to Sleuth 101.
These are the offices of Torblab, birthplace and control centre of the virtual online computer game 'Sirius Nine'.
Uber-nerd Cache, or Darren Gablonsky as he's known to his parents, has just been permanently deleted.
Logging on as our guest detective this week, it's the delightfully downloadable Claire Hooper.
(APPLAUSE) Hi! How are you, love? Now, Claire, what sort of, er, style of detective are you gonna be this evening? I don't know.
I'd like to be Nancy Drew.
But I think she's more confident than me.
I think I'm pretty much gonna play at the competency level of myself at 'Cluedo', which is enthusiastic but basically living in fear that I myself did it and don't know, and it's just this big existential crisis.
Well, there are four suspects in tonight's murder.
They're all employees of Torblab offices.
You'll meet them later, but first we'll check out the scene of the crime, the offices of Torblab.
(APPLAUSE) Now, this is the employee's workstation at Torblab.
Here they run 'Sirius Nine', an amazingly successful sci-fi online world.
It's basically a game set in space where socially inept geeks from all over the world reimagine themselves as gung-ho intergalactic planet-ruling socially inept geeks.
(CHUCKLES) Cache, whose job it was to administrate 'Sirius Nine's 20,000 users died just over there.
What we want you to do is have a look round and see if you can find any more evidence.
Um, like, given that he looked sick as he went down, I'm just I mean, I'm just gonna This has gotta this coffee cup's gotta Good choice.
Good choice.
be analysed.
That's all I can Good choice.
Good to see you're wearing gloves too, detective.
Oh! (LAUGHTER) So there's half a doughnut there.
Well, luckily you can't leave fingerprints on a doughnut, so I'm taking that with my hand.
Here.
Here.
Here.
So coffee cup, doughnut Um Um, maybe think about if you were gonna hide something or throw something away, where would you Oh! Eh? Mysteriously, there is only one thing in this bin.
Now, I don't know if that makes it significant, but I'm taking this.
So it's a a screwed-up note.
"Curtis 23".
Alright.
OK.
Interesting.
And clearly I'll be taking this to read later.
So I need that for evidence.
Ooh, sexy.
Um, these are all things that, er, you know, someone's had in their mouth.
What what else Let's hope this isn't one of them.
(LAUGHTER) Is there anything else around that you may have seen Cache maybe put in his mouth? Did he I have this pen.
Excellent - you've picked up the piece of evidence using the other piece of evidence to not leave fingerprints on it.
Professional.
Come back down here.
I think you've done a good job, Detective Hooper.
Have I? I don't think I have.
Now, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna send this coffee cup with some coffee in it back to forensics, along with this doughnut, I would say.
I'll pop it in my podium for them to pick up.
Do you want the pen in your podium? Ooh.
Hello.
I'll take the pen.
You keep the post-it note, I would say.
Alright.
Now, it's time to meet your first suspect.
Torblab CEO Torben Bach.
Torben is a Danish wunderkind who's never stopped having ideas.
His digital radio pants walked out the door, his wireless lettuce spinner brought in plenty of the green stuff, and now his totally addictive total-immersion virtual world, 'Sirius Nine', has taken the real world by storm.
This day was very wack, you know? It was crazy like spider monkey.
No, no, Mikel, that's bull-poop.
If you can't supply the mpegs by 2pm, the deal is off and you are dead to me.
Anyway, big hugs to Jenny and the kids.
'Bye.
I had to go through all my emails before our morning Think Tank.
Delete, delete, delete The Think Tank is a place to sit around and, you know, shoot the wind, all open, relaxed.
Mordock has gone completely feral! He's taken over the entire council.
He's making life hell for everybody.
If I knew who the user was, I'd totally You're the administrator.
Cancel his account.
I can't interfere.
'Sirius Nine' has to operate like the real world.
Kill or be killed.
What is this, the frickin' 'Lion King'? Hey, Nazeem, remember, the first rule of Think Tank - no negativity.
Isn't that rule, like, negative? Note to self - make new rules for Think Tank.
Sorry about that.
Nature calling.
Idea - combination bean bag toilet.
After Think Tank I went to the kitchen to rustle up my famous joe.
Everyone takes turns for doing coffee.
Cache, Cache, Cache - black, no sugar.
OK.
(MACHINE RUMBLES) I think I get everything right.
Gill, white with one.
Cache, black like his heart.
And Nazeem, black with two.
They don't drink much coffee in Japan, do they, Torbs? Ah, Hermione, there's your coffee, now come with me.
Quickly.
I had important things to discuss.
So, how's your Japanese? What? I don't speak Japanese.
Nevermind.
Imagine, hypodermically, that a software company run by a handsome Scandinavian genius is being bought out by a larger software company based in a country where they speak Japanese.
You're selling Torblab to Japan? Who told you? Oh, doesn't matter.
Point is, they are paying the big buckaroonies.
And they know that you are an ongoing vital cog in the 'Sirius Nine' adventure.
Yeah, right, Torben.
Cache hates the idea of selling out.
He'll try and stop you.
Cache would be taken care of.
Now, drink your coffee.
That's Torben-made.
Yeah, right.
Whatever.
I should go back to work.
Oh, of course.
So should I.
Er, noses to the gravestone and all that.
Then I settled in for my morning brainstorm.
Self-buttering toast.
Tennis! It wasn't long after that all hell broke wind.
Now, everything you saw was the truth.
But Torben may have cut and pasted some of the facts.
And the only way you are going to find that out, Claire, is to ask him yourself.
So it's time to click on Torben.
OK.
Hello.
Yes.
Hello.
So Torben, um, you hired Cache.
Did he know about your plans to sell the company to a Japanese He's not smart enough.
He he had no idea.
Are you sure? I'm l'm 80% l'm 70% positive.
70.
I'll make it It's not important what the percentage is.
I just know these things.
So where exactly in Scandinavia are you from? (CAL LAUGHS) No? OK.
(DROPS THE ACCENT) I like you.
You're feisty.
You've cracked the code.
Well done.
I'm from Broadmeadows.
It's an elaborate ruse.
So, Torben, if that is your real name, Torben, apparently, Nazeem got the coffee.
And was the coffee packet opened when you prepared the coffee? The coffee was sealed as you would generally find in a supermarket Well, this is too hard! Alright um, what did the comment, "Cache will be taken care of," mean? (SIGHS) I was gonna fire Cache, er, this coming week.
Er, I mean, sure, you know, he was smart enough to take my idea for the game and and build it up and make it into this amazing thing, 'Sirius Nine', that we now have in front of us.
But let me ask you this - do you think he was smart enough to read the fine print in his contract? It's a rhetorical question.
Of course he wasn't.
So he was gonna be eighty sixed.
He was gonna be fired.
I was gonna fire him.
I was gonna let him go.
I was gonna put him out to pasture OK, now I was gonna show him the keys Right.
I was gonna give him his pink slip.
If we had time I was gonna show him the exit.
Claire, I'm actually gonna have to stop the interview there.
You've exceeded your bandwidth.
And we also do have some results in for you from Pathology.
Yes? Cache died of cyanide poisoning.
The cyanide had been ingested in the final hour of his life.
And an examination of his stomach contents revealed the only thing he'd consumed in the morning prior to his death was black coffee.
Any thoughts, Ms Hooper? Maybe the coffee was poisoned? (LAUGHTER) Now it's time for you to speak to Gill Yardley.
Ever since school, Gill has been the self-proclaimed kooky one.
Her crazy attitude didn't go down so well in her last job at a psychiatric hospital, but here at Torblab she can let her freak flag fly.
I love this job.
'Sirius Nine' is just the best online game.
Players get to make their own characters.
And, you know, it's like real life, but in space.
Awesome! That's why I get in early.
I'm really dedicated.
Are you sending out more invites to your 'Gilmore Girls' Facebook group again? You brought the coffee.
That's rad.
Yeah, I got your email last night.
And your text message at 6am this morning.
It's important for morale, Nazeem.
The two lovebirds came in together.
Such a cool couple.
Then it was time for Think Tank.
I loved our 15 minutes of unstructured creativity every day at 9:45.
Gnarly news, guys! Exotica has made the "Top 10 Sexiest Women in the World" list.
Between Megan Fox and Paris Hilton.
We should give her user some kind of award.
You know we can't identify our users.
It's probably some sad loser.
Or a bloke.
I can't believe a two-dimensional character even made that list.
I can.
Exotica is beautiful.
I was talking about Paris Hilton.
Oh.
You know Councillor Mordock and Exotica are doing it? If you're gonna start talking about that arrogant jerk, I'm going to the toilet.
Cache and Nazeem started arguing about Mordock and that basically took up the rest of Think Tank.
Then it was back to the workstation to work.
They've actually interviewed Exotica online.
(READS MOCKINGLY) "I like powerful men.
"And the most powerful man in my universe is Mordock.
" That's gross.
It's beautiful.
It's true love.
I can't take any more of this.
I'm getting the doughnuts.
Hang on, let me check the roster.
Yes, it's your turn.
You can go, Hermi Hermione? Later, during coffee and doughnuts, I chatted with Cache.
You shouldn't eat those things.
My metabolism, OK? No, it's not that.
They're fried in animal fat.
Doughnuts are murder.
Look at him.
He thinks he's gonna be so rich.
But that's Hermione's.
What did he want? Where's my doughnut? Nazeem had it.
He left you the almond one.
OK.
But aren't you in a We'll be fine.
It was my turn to do the washing up.
I got everyone's cup but Cache's.
No, no, no, no.
I haven't finished.
When I got back, well, that's when Cache started, you know, dying and stuff.
Well, Claire, according to the roster, it's your turn to interview Gill.
Hi, Gill, um Oh, my God! I can't stand this bogus pressure.
OK, OK, I'm gonna c I'm gonna confess.
Alright, yes, I am Exotica.
Exotica! Yes! I knew it! Alright.
Top 10 sexiest women in the world - yes, it's a lot of pressure.
Yes, I have been shagging Councillor Mordock for the last three weeks.
Yes, it's been good.
But the point is do you know who Mordock is? No, I don't.
OK.
Look, do you always put the dishes in the dishwasher, get the coffee Only when it's my turn.
Oh, right.
OK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your turn to put them away, but who would've Does everyone always use the same coffee cups? No.
Why is it so hard to be a detective? I don't know.
OK.
Alright, let's talk about Cache and Hermione.
Has there been any strain in the relationship? No, because they're both goths.
And they're always tense.
Yeah.
Yeah, fair point.
But when she went to eat her doughnut, that wasn't her doughnut, I sensed a tense moment.
Do you I think that she's on a diet and maybe maybe Cache was questioning her about whether she should actually take a bite.
And while we're on that, can I just say, you might think that I eat too many doughnuts, but actually, Cache, Cache taught me - because he became a vegan about, I don't know, three weeks ago - that doughnuts are actually cooked in animal fat.
And I don't eat them anymore.
Now now, Claire, I hate to break you and your crazy new best friend up, but we've got some more forensics info for you.
OK.
The pen that Cache was sucking contained traces of saliva and nothing else.
All change for suspect number three - Hermione Trane, a design student who's tried her hand at everything from fashion and comic books to children's entertainment.
Hermione fell in love with Cache who brought her into the real and virtual worlds of 'Sirius Nine'.
Cache would've hated to go like this.
He once told me he wanted us to die together in a flaming car crashing into a Microsoft office.
He was romantic like that.
Oh, God, can we please skip the Think Tank today? As if Gill would let you.
(YAWNS) Why did you stay up all night? I had stuff to do.
I was sorting out the Torben problem.
What Torben problem? Alrighty.
Time for the Think Tank.
But I haven't finished my designs for the anti-grav arena.
I want to get the entrails glistening with blood.
It's gonna be beautiful.
Oh, come on.
(CLAPS) I wish someone had poisoned me during Think Tank.
Luckily my bladder gave me an excuse to escape.
NAZEEM: If I knew who his user was, I'd You're the administrator Luckily, it was almost over and I could get back to work.
I was really looking forward to my blueberry doughnut.
But then Torben wanted to talk.
And when I got back, Nazeem had stolen it.
I thought about confronting him, but revenge is a dish best served when he's not looking, and so I ate the almond one instead.
By 11:00, Cache had started his long walk through the valley of death.
Well, he'd started to sweat.
You know, he has no idea what I can do to him.
I'd be careful of Torben if I were you.
This is worth millions to him and he's smarter than you think.
(SCOFFS) Cache, um, can I speak to you for a minute? (SIGHS) I kept on working until, you know.
Poor Cache.
Alright, Hoops, it's time for your one-on-one think tank with Hermione.
First things first - you're in a relationship with Cache.
Yeah.
Does he, um, does he spend a lot of time on the computer when you're not around? You know, do you find that he doesn't come to bed, stays up Just lately, yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Do you think that he knew about the plan to sell to a Japanese company? He knew there was something going down.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You seem like a very nervous person.
Are you Oh, no, I'm just really itchy.
Sorry, I get itchy when I'm really stressed.
Do you have allergies? Um, no.
Not that I'm aware of.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, I got the impression you were maybe, I don't know, allergic to nuts or something.
But, um, that might be might be my mistake.
I do see you fidgeting I mean, were you not fidgeting with a rubber band in Think Tank? Are you Yeah, well, I mean, that's how I generate ideas.
It's just by fidgeting and, you know Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
You did mention something.
You mentioned that Cache had always said that he wanted you two to die together.
Yeah.
Um, do you think this company means enough to him that he would want to die if he lost his He doesn't he would not have wanted to die randomly like this.
He hates the word random and to die randomly is just so random.
Yeah.
Now, I hate to stop things on that No! that really romantic note.
Oh! OK.
Er, but I do have to interrupt you because we've got mail.
Oh, yes.
From Toxicology.
They've analysed Cache's coffee dregs and found potassium cyanide at a high enough concentration to kill.
Unfortunately, the machine and the other cups had already been cleaned.
Good work, Gill.
There's also no trace of poison in the coffee grounds.
But the coffee They don't always have the same coffee cups, so how could it be a how could it be planted in the cup? You're the detective.
Oh, that's right.
Our final suspect is Nazeem.
Nazeem Khan has four older brothers, all of them successful doctors.
When Nazeem quit his medical degree to join Torblab, he lost his father's respect.
But after only six months on the job, he was able to buy it back.
Can I just start by saying that I'm not a nerd, OK? 'Sirius Nine' is for nerds.
I'm the IT guy, and to me, it's just a job - a lucrative one.
Since it was my turn to buy the coffee, I thought I might as well get something decent.
That free trade crap Gill bought was just undrinkable.
Then I tried to get that freak Cache to see sense.
If Councillor Mordock keeps running Sirius like this, users will leave in droves.
That's bad business.
I wouldn't be surprised if Mordock's user is a mate of Cache's.
So dodgy.
But Cache had given me something else to worry about.
Not another herd-ringer.
(CLEARS THROAT) Nazeem, is it possible to find out who each character's user is? No.
Privacy's important.
You have to log on to the user's computer to find out who they are.
Oh.
My computer's a bit slow at the moment.
Could you have a look at it one day? Yeah, whatever.
(SIGHS) I also had to have a conversation I'd been planning for a while.
Can I speak to you for a minute? Look, if you're gonna keep banging on about Mordock I found another herd-ringer.
Oh, really? How many of these trojans have you put in my baby, you freak? Our baby.
It's my insurance policy.
If anyone tries to shaft me, I'll bring the whole thing down.
(SCOFFS) Torben will stop you.
If you tell Torben Tell Torben? I don't need to tell Torben.
He must already know.
Someone logged in as you last week when you were away.
What? Next time I came out of my office, he was dying.
Alright, Claire, it's time to unzip a file named Nazeem.
Let's hope he's not corrupted.
Nazeem, um, this job is very important to you? Yeah.
It pays the bills.
And it makes me really rich and it makes my family really happy.
'Cause I was gonna be a doctor, but then, like, I dropped out.
So that's a shame to me and my family and my culture and my country and the continent and every brown person, so I thought I'd redeem myself and my people by getting a lucrative job.
God.
But surely if this job fell through you'd be able to get a job somewhere else? What, as another IT guy? That's pretty racist.
Are you gonna profile me because I'm brown? Um Why don't you just put the handcuffs on already? Yeah, OK.
Alright.
Whoo.
OK.
Wow.
Good attack, but you're not gonna get out of it that easily, sir.
Because I don't see colour, alright? I just see guilt.
Hopefully, eventually.
Alright.
So you said something - "Not another 'herringer"'? What what did you say? No.
I said, "Not another herd-ringer.
" Herd-ringer? What's a herd-ringer? Well, Cache, the freak, every day, he would send out a virus to every user on 'Sirius Nine'.
And basically they would all die unless he sent out, like, the antivirus every single day.
That's what a herd-ringer is.
Do you think there's a herd-ringer for cyanide? What? I don't even know what that means.
I'm gonna have to control-alt-delete this interview.
But I just don't know anything about trojans.
It's alright, Claire.
We've got final forensic results in for you.
The half-eaten doughnut on Gill's desk contains flour, animal fats, sugar, custard and hydroxocobalamin Yes, it did! an antidote for cyanide poisoning.
Now, when doughnuts are being passed around, I always go for the one with hydroxocobalamin icing.
Don't you? And that, my geeklings, is it.
The download is complete.
So, whodunnit? Did the devious Dane delete the doughnut-denying dead guy? Or did Gill kill the dill with a pill for a thrill? Did the whiney Hermione make the shiny man all dying-y? It could be Nazeem, or so it would seem.
How about you at home? Do you fancy a clue? I think you do.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Helpful, or just the lamest karaoke you've ever heard.
And is it clear or unclear to Claire? Eh, Claire? Alright, Claire, you've rescued the princess, you're at the final level of the game, you've shot all the aliens, you've got the frog across the highway.
Now all you've got to do is name the killer.
Off you go.
Alright.
Sure.
Well, certainly everybody has a motive.
Um, I think what's important is that one of the clues was what I assume is Cache's login, although I don't know why.
What does it say again? It says Curtis 23.
You're nodding like it means It doesn't mean anything to me.
What is important is that it and this magazine that I took a shine to earlier on.
Oh! Were both o that's me.
Yeah, that's l Yeah, I kind of gathered that.
So I found this clue in Hermione's bin.
And I think the biggest clue was the concept of the herd-ringer.
And I think that the doughnuts were a herd-ringer.
They they contained an anti-cyanide, which means that she was able, when she visited the bathroom, to go into the kitchen and essentially lace every coffee cup with cyanide.
Everybody else took a bite of their doughnut, at least a bite.
And even Hermione, who I believe is allergic to almonds, and got a terrible rash from the almonds, even she ate her doughnut, knowing that she would die without eating the doughnut, 'cause she'd drunk her coffee.
Quite reluctantly.
I saw the I saw the second glance at the doughnuts as you went into Torben's office.
I just I knew they were dodgy.
Now, the only thing I'm not entirely sure about is her motive and I personally believe that the motive is that you had discovered, um, the affair that, um, Cache, as Mordock, was having (GILL GASPS) Yeah! I reckon! I reckon it was him.
And I reckon it was her that logged in as Curtis 23 on this one, wrote it down on a piece of post-it, screwed it up and put it in her bin, like a fool! And I believe it was, er, I believe it was just jealousy at the extramarital online affair.
That's what I think.
Alright, Claire, let's see if your filesharing is complete and accurate.
Come back down here with me.
Ooh! Sorry.
You seem really nice though.
Will the real murderer please upload themselves? Ooh.
Alright, it was me.
Oh, yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Whatever.
Yep, it was Hermione Trane.
Well done, Claire.
Hermione, who got suspicious of her lover staying up all night on the computer, so one day last week, when Cache was away, she cracked his password.
It wasn't hard.
Cache loved Joy Division.
And lead singer lan Curtis died when he was 23.
I wondered if the T-shirt was relevant.
She found out that Cache had been playing 'Sirius Nine' himself as Councillor Mordock.
He had manipulated the rules for his own gain in the game.
But what made her thoughts turn to murder was Mordock's virtual love affair with Exotica.
To her, this was an unforgivable betrayal.
Her plan was a work of genius akin to Cache's herd-ringer virus.
Rather than just poisoning Cache, she did, in fact, poison everyone.
During the Think Tank, instead of visiting the loo, she zipped off to the kitchen and put cyanide in the water in the coffee machine, thus poisoning all five Torblab employees including herself, Claire Hooper.
Then all she had to do was give antidote-laced doughnuts to the four people she wanted to keep alive, knowing, of course, that her newly vegan boyfriend wouldn't be tempted by the hideous, animal fat-laden sugary treats.
Unfortunately for her, Nazeem stole her doughnut, leaving her with the almond cream, which she was allergic to.
Yeah, thanks, Nazeem.
Did you notice the travelling rubber band? Yes, I did notice the rubber band! I am so excited.
'Cause I never once won 'Cluedo'.
I mean, I was talking about that at the start.
But never once did I get it.
I'm so excited.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
That was the most intelligent sleuth work we've had.
That's it for Sleuth 101 this week.
Did you spot tonight's actual red herring? Perhaps you 'herd' it.
Go to our website to let us know.
Or check out our own total-immersion, highly addictive 2D cyber-world that is the 'Sleuth' interactive game.
I may have oversold that just a little bit.
Until next week, I've been Cal Wilson, also known as Goodnight.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Next week on Sleuth 101, Bridget's getting ready for the most important day of her life when suddenly she's not alive anymore.
I could do with some deforestation.
(CHUCKLES) I hope you've got a barrel of wax.
It's been a while.
Karma Kutz beauty salon is the scene of the crime and there are more hair samples than you can poke a curling wand at.
What the hell are you doing here? Celebrity sleuth Adam Richard has a curly one to solve here on Sleuth 101.