SLiDE (2011) s01e03 Episode Script

"With this new offering, "they revoke the piano-laden sound of dappled evenings.
" - What does that mean? - It means they like the record.
'Piano-laden' - is that something Germans wear? Who gives a shit? You right? I'm Tammy.
Lane.
I'm applying for the internship.
Right.
I've brought with me some writing samples some reviews, some live shows.
Look, I love music more than anything, and I think about it all the time, incessantly, and I would do anything to get a job here.
Not anything in, like, a creepy lesbian sense.
Not that I'm saying that you're a lesbian, or that if you were that it'd be creepy.
'Cause I mean, there's heaps of cool lesbian musos.
There's k.
d.
Lang and Tracy Chapman, I think.
Do you have an off button? I'm sorry.
I just I want to write about music and Look, until you decide about the internship, maybe I could get some work here.
You know, like proofreading or filing or taking out the rubbish.
Thanks.
Do you want to leave a CV? - Sorry.
- Tammy.
Tammy Lane.
Causing chaos.
Hey, what are you doing? Schnoodling.
Off to see my PO.
Parole officer.
Really? No, not really.
I'm stalking you.
Oh.
So 'Time Off'? Yeah.
You got the internship thing? Oh, kinda.
I don't know.
I just had a meeting, so hopefully Wow.
That's cool.
Anyone else'd bang on about it.
You don't even mention it.
That's cool.
Nah, I guess You wanna hang out later? There's a party.
I don't know, could be lame.
I want to.
I mean, I Yes.
OK.
Let's speak.
Laters.
OK.
So, how's it going? Kat? Um, yeah, just peachy.
What have you got so far? Oh, I I didn't realise you were Umm wow.
Ah, I could see who's playing at the Valley on the weekend.
Hang on a tick.
Someone in here thinks I'm talking to them.
What's your name again? Tammy.
Tammy Lane.
Well, Tammy Lane, don't talk to me while I'm on the phone, especially not while I'm on the phone peeing.
It's this stupid internship.
It's got every spotty-faced emo from here to Townsville pestering me about it.
Now, where's the story you were supposed to deliver yesterday? Fuck Monday! Um, Kat? I haven't got any toilet paper.
What am I supposed to do for this week's review? The deadline's tomorrow, shithead.
I could do something.
Yeah-ha.
Polar Disco at the Troubadour.
Yes! I'll do you a review.
I'll give you a review sandwich.
Sharp, sexy.
Sheissen! Signal.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, what the Hi, this is Tammy Lane from 'Time Off'.
'Time Off'.
'Time Off'? Yeah, sorry, are you there? It's a great magazine.
Hello? Hello? Mum, where do you think you're going? It's a gig, sweets.
I can't cancel.
Well, I can't babysit for you.
Not tonight.
I mean, God, you didn't even warn me.
I did, sweetheart.
We talked about it.
It's lunar rock.
They have it every new moon.
Well, can't you take Charli with you? Not legally, no.
And it's a two-hour drive each way.
OK.
Well, fine, then.
I'll have to sort something out.
Mmm! Mwah! - OK, this or this? - That! Charli, you are astounding.
You could interview me.
Yeah, I could.
If grunge ever makes a comeback.
I thought that boy was coming over.
Boy? You got a date? No, we're just hanging out.
Supposedly.
There's condoms in the top drawer.
Mum! And they're flavoured, I think.
I'll get it! Hey.
Don't say anything.
Hey! Hi.
- I'm Luke.
- Luke.
Sorry for spoiling your date.
It's not a date.
Is it? I'm playing a show.
I suppose Tam told you? Yeah, Mum.
It doesn't mean you can't have a good time.
Once Charli's asleep, you're welcome to use my room.
OK.
Ha ha! It's time to go.
Tam gets all control-freaky around men.
Gets trapped in her brain.
Me? Go straight to my cha-cha! Mum! Well If I had one, it'd go there too.
OK.
Goodbye, Mother.
'Bye, Mum.
Mwah! Sorry.
I like her.
Yeah.
Don't ever tell her that.
If they want you to write a review you need to see something tonight.
Well, I can't now.
I could mind Charli.
Yeah! What about us hanging out? We could do that another time.
Maybe.
Nah.
Nah, you don't want to be stuck here.
It's cool.
I can go through your things while you're out.
Oh, yeah.
'Cause there's so much to find.
No, seriously.
We'll be fine.
Really? Thanks.
Oh, and he sticks the landing! Whoo-hoo! You can't just burst in like that.
Ah, that's how I always burst in.
Well, don't! - Learn to use the front door.
- OK.
Jesus, since when Since we're not 10 anymore.
Now, what do you want? A blowjob.
From Scarlett Jo.
Or just to help my friend in her desperate need for a babysitter.
Oh.
Oh.
Luke's minding me.
The more the messier.
Cool.
I'll get it! Yo.
Scarlett.
Hi! Nice dress.
You're Scarlett! That's me.
I like your hair.
Thanks.
It's all swishy.
Yeah, you have to practise that.
You need a mirror maybe.
She's cute.
He.
Ah, whatever.
Like you never wore a dress.
I never did.
But if you thought it was hot, I So what's with the babysitting thing? Ohh It's the craze, by the looks of it.
Emergency babysitter, with pizza.
Holy shit! Is this a practical joke? It's just OK, I panicked a little bit.
I didn't think you'd all come.
Oh, good.
We've got pizza.
I didn't buy that for you.
So which gig, Miss 'Time Off'? No way! You got it? Oh, it's no big deal.
Yeah, it is.
She's reviewing for them.
Truly? When did this happen? It has to be something kind of cool, something their readers would actually want to read about.
Yeah, I know, but it has to be something I can get into as well.
Hey, look at this.
Forget gigs.
Last Dinosaurs are in the Valley right now mixing their new record.
Are you serious? I've got the address.
You're the reporter.
Yeah, but I wouldn't even know what to say.
You could ask them about their new album.
Like an exclusive.
What if they don't even let me in? You're from 'Time Off'.
Of course they'll let you.
Figure it out on the way.
OK.
Well, make yourselves at home.
I'm never moving from this spot.
Hmm, good call.
Hi, guys! Oh, shit! Mind if I come over? Ah, yeah, we do.
Absolutely.
I brought vodka.
Come on down.
She's bearing gifts.
Wait! I'm coming with you! Ed?! You nut job! Don't leave me here! This is it.
I think maybe I should just, um just come back later.
What's the matter? Oh, it's just I haven't got any questions prepared and I just Make 'em up as you go along.
No, wait.
I don't even know if this is the right kind of thing.
You know, I mean, 'Time Off' readers, they might not be into Last Dinosaurs.
They might think they're a bit last week or something.
Tammy, you're being weird.
That's my thing.
I know.
I'm just I'm unwell.
Yo, yo, yo, yo! Hey, what's happening? Are we on? Tam's not well.
What? I don't work at 'Time Off', OK? I don't have a job there.
I kind of I fibbed about it.
Kind of? Well, not completely, because she did say I could sort of have a job.
Or write a review, at least, maybe.
I just We were in the ladies' loo, so it was The editor, she was on the toilet and I was on the toilet, and It's a long story.
If you do this interview, will she read it? Yeah, if I make the deadline.
It's a big 'if'.
Hey, that's the guy from the White Russians.
Must be another way in.
Let's go, Lois Lane.
Should we not wait here and see if anyone answers? Hello? Um, hi.
Um, delivery.
Sorry? Yeah, um, delivery for Last Dinosaurs.
OK.
Studio five.
Tammy! Shit! Where are the lights? Arrgh.
I think I broke my toes.
Oh, you're kidding me! OK, I've seen this movie.
This is the part where we get arse attacked.
Tammy? Tammy? Tammy! Tammy? These lights must be on some sort of timer or something.
Can you not not-answer me ever again? Can't get out.
I can't get out.
We're trapped! We don't want to get out.
We want to get in.
Come on.
I'll get it.
Arrgh! Oww! I think I just broke my penis! Hey.
Hey.
I'm the delivery person.
Mm-hm.
Is Tammy here? Uh, Tammy? Not that I know of, no.
Uh, this is 206, yeah? Last Dinosaurs? Yeah, but they've already left the building.
Something I can help you with? Um, well, my friend, she's writing for 'Time Off' and she was kind of hoping to get an interview, but But the band isn't here now and neither's your friend.
No.
So, uh, tell me, are you actually delivering anything? Yeah.
Pizza.
Ah, invisible pizza.
Well, that is my favourite.
May I? Yeah.
Oh, careful, it's hot.
Ooh, it is.
Yeah.
Sorry, there's a warning on the box, but it's Invisible.
Mmm.
I'm Ash.
Eva.
Hiya.
Um, can I get you a drink to wash down our delicious pizza? Perhaps a tea? Beer? Bourbon, perhaps? No, thanks.
I should probably go find Tammy.
OK.
Well, why don't you leave me your phone number? In case the band reappears or your friend comes back.
No go.
We're really trapped.
Fuck.
Could be a great conversation starter with the band.
Yeah, if I ever get to meet them.
Maybe there's a door to the roof.
Maybe.
We could arc up the giant searchlight and summon Batman.
Yeah.
Or we could call out to someone on the street.
Mmm I prefer my idea.
Hey.
Hmm? Oh, it's 'La Wally'.
It's from a crazy French film.
'Diva'.
What, you know it? It's my It's my favourite.
Yeah, the guys want to sample it, but I'm trying to tell them they can't mess with perfection.
Yeah, I listen to it when I'm working.
That's the, um cover art.
For the album.
Right.
Yeah, I hate it too.
But sometimes you've got to give people what they want.
Oh, so you're one of those guys, huh? One of what guys? One of those 'give 'em what they want even if it blows' guys.
What are you, some kind of cultural fascist? Yeah, absolutely.
I gotta go find Tammy.
'Bye.
See ya.
Come on! Ohh! Hey, calm.
It could be worse.
How? How could this be any worse? Eva.
You think this is sort of like an encore situation? Like a band plays a show and they finish, they say goodnight, they walk off stage and the crowd's cheering, and they're waiting and they're waiting, and then everyone knows that they're going to come back on.
It's Is that what this is? You riding off on your scooter? ls Nah.
I think it's just me riding off on my scooter.
Right.
Well, um I just thought I'd ask.
You never know.
Goodnight, then.
Ash? Mmm? Can you get us an interview with Last Dinosaurs? Yeah.
Yeah, I can.
But where's your friend? We should play strip poker.
Hmm.
I might just watch.
I can't believe you do that.
Yeah, but it tastes really horrible without it.
So why do you drink it? 'Cause I'm a party girl.
Whoo! Think I need the bathroom.
We could chop her up and bury her under the house.
Charli, do me a favour, keep staring off in that direction.
Why? When she comes back, maybe, like, challenge her to a game or something.
It's OK, I just did, like, a half vomit.
P, do you want to hang out in my room? I have a unicorn collection.
Um I think I might just head off.
Oscar-winning performance.
This is not cool.
This is my one opportunity at something that doesn't suck and I'm stuck in a stinking piss-stained stairwell, with you.
Yeah, well, I'm the good bit.
Just to prove it Are you kidding? My phone has a torch function.
Your phone has a phone function, you funking idiot! Give it to me.
Hold on! Wait! Give it.
Hang on! Wait! That can't be good for it.
I think I got ditched by Ed and Tammy.
Bris-Vegas.
I love this city.
Yeah, 'cause you don't live in it.
What time are you flying? First thing in the morning.
Oh, so I've got time to change your mind about your horrible artwork.
Hey, I said I'm not a fan either, but they want to use a local artist.
And that's the best they could find? Something like that, yeah.
I guarantee you, before you wing it out of this city, I'll show you something stacks better.
OK.
First stop, over here.
OK.
Ahh.
That's not bad.
Not bad? It's a bit Banksy.
Banksy? Yeah, the English artist.
Yeah, I know who Banksy is.
Well, it's not a criticism.
It's I love Banksy.
Yeah.
Me too.
At least I had the sense to bring my phone.
Shut up, Ed.
It's around here somewhere.
Got it.
Here, I'll call Eva.
Oh, there's no signal.
No shit, detective.
Think I didn't check that ages ago? Help! Eva! Help! It's like I'm a black spot.
Like, me, personally.
I'd believe that.
Help! Help! This sort of thing only happens to me when I'm with you.
You reckon? Wonder how Luke and Scarlett are getting along.
Help! Ahh! Argh! That's so sweet.
I think I'm getting diabetes.
It fell down.
I was just putting it back up.
Oh, sure you were.
Is it the whole 'come here, go away' thing that does it for you? You know, some people like it pure and uncomplicated, and that's enough.
They don't need the drama.
Kill him! Kill him! Argh! Kill him! Kill him! Ahh! If I can get the pin out, the hinge'll come apart and we can open the door from this side.
Really? That's smart.
It won't come Here, let me do it.
Ed! No.
It'll be just like that time I did all the work loosening the Vegemite lid and then you came and opened it.
You banged on about it for months.
What? When was that? When we were, like, eight, nine.
Oh, hey, you hold onto that.
And your tragic notion of masculinity.
Give it to me.
Nice.
Fuck off.
If only I could.
Yeah, I wish you could.
And there it is, ladies and gentlemen.
There's what? You always do this.
You want me to be your best friend when it suits.
When it doesn't, you throw me away like a used condom.
Oh, I do not.
Where are you going? Away from you.
So I don't hit you.
Oh, you want to hit me, do you? Yeah, maybe.
Thinking about it.
Well, come on.
Bring it, bitch! Come away Ahh! You psycho! Come on, Ed! Ahh! Oww! Oww! That's my tit! So drop it! Drop it, then! Ahh! God! Don't move! It's Phillipa.
Well, answer it.
Hello? Machine Gun Fellatio.
I was 16, I snuck into the Prince and I pushed my way right up to the front.
And then Pinky spat vodka all over me and I have never been more happy to be spat on.
Nice.
What about you? Ah, Emiliana Torrini.
Ah.
First tour - 2005? Yeah, that one.
Yeah, that was genius.
And funny too.
Yeah, I love her.
Um, this is us.
Ohh, wha Come on.
What was that? Security guy owes me a favour.
Shit.
We gotta go.
Hey! They've gone.
I lost them.
That was intense.
I thought you said one of those guards owed you a favour.
One of the guards, not all the guards.
It's like that scene from 'Diva', where he's running from the psycho and she's singing that aria.
That was intense.
That was pretty bloody stupid, actually.
I mean, what were you thinking? I thought we were having fun.
Yeah, and then what? I miss my flight? Great.
I wreck my job? I ruin my Shit, it was Exhilarating? No, it was immature, actually.
What, you're sulking now? You're going to sulk because I don't want to get done for breaking and entering into a major art gallery? It's not about that.
Yes, it is.
Eva, look, hey.
We had a deal, OK? You said you would find me some new artwork.
You can't even take a risk.
I'm sorry for beating the shit out of you.
Anytime.
I'm stressing out about losing my shot at the internship.
You're not going to lose it.
Phillipa will be here any minute, she'll get us out.
You'll get the interview, you'll nail it.
Sometimes, Ed, you just know exactly the right thing to say.
I've had the best night in ages.
You really need to get out more.
I miss hanging out, just us two.
Aww.
I love you, douche bag.
You're still mad at me.
No.
Well, how come you're not hugging me properly? I might have a semi.
Eddie? Are you here? Up here.
Don't let the door shut! Who's the Last Dinosaurs? I love your place.
Thanks.
It's wabi-sabi.
It's a Japanese word.
It means Messy? Well, that's part of it, but it's more you find beauty in things when they're not perfect.
Every year, my mum had our house redecorated.
It was like living in a furniture catalogue.
This has been touched.
It's been loved.
Wabi-sabi.
Yeah.
Are the curtains wabi-sabi? Yep.
And my shoes? Yep.
That bit on the carpet where Mum chucked up? No, that's just gross.
Come on, C-dog, bedtime.
Come on, buddy.
But Tammy should be home by now.
Do you think she's alright? Yeah.
Probably just with the band.
My dad's in a band.
Fuzz Bucket.
He plays bass and keyboards.
What does your dad do? Off to sleep, buddy.
Thanks.
I might die in here a careerless virgin but at least I'll have fresh, minty breath.
You don't have to die a virgin.
I mean, Ed's here.
And I've got a hunch that he'd be pretty good at deflowering virgins.
Wow.
Flavoured condoms.
They're not mine.
You know, if we got really hungry, we could always just Yeah, I'm gonna go check on some phone service.
Yeah.
Please.
I'll come, Eddie.
You can't tell her about us.
Why? Because she should hear it from me.
Well, just go tell her now.
Why? Why is it so important? What's all the whispering about? Nobody's whispering.
I'll give you a gobbie.
If you tell her, I'll give you a gobbie.
Tam, Eddie's got some news.
Yeah, um, I think we should get some sleep.
Is that all you've got to say, Eddiekins? Yes, Phillipa, that's the full story.
Right now.
Are you being weird? Yes, I'm cold, I'm hungry, I'm sleep deprived.
Well, we should all get some sleep, I guess.
Come on, we can huddle for warmth, of course.
Come on! Actual beach, on the edge of a river, in the middle of the city? Wow.
But it's fake, Mr Realist.
Oh, it certainly smells real.
Wait.
Yep, feels real.
And I'll have you know that I'm not a realist.
I'm a post-impressionist.
A pointillist.
A post-minimalist.
Neo-psychotic-ist.
Harsh.
But fair.
And just to be clear, we're actually not going to see any artist, are we? Who? Whoever it is.
This, uh this Banksy knock-off person.
The It's you, isn't it? Oh! Oh, shit.
I can't.
Yes, you can.
You're, like, famous for it.
Why don't you, um come to the airport with me? No, I've gotta go find Tammy.
OK.
Hey.
Don't you forget about our deal.
Tammy's interview - Last Dinosaurs? Yes, I'm onto it.
I think I can actually do better than an interview.
What? I'll call you.
See ya.
Hi, you've called Tammy Lane.
Please leave a message.
Tam, where are you? I have excellent news! So she didn't come home last night? That's weird.
Actually, she was having a date here with a boy.
That'd be Luke.
Oh, right.
She's probably with Eva.
Eva.
Yeah.
So where's Tammy? Thanks for looking after me, dudes.
You're most welcome, dude.
Ciao! Ciao! Where are you going? Nowhere.
Hmm.
You can say that again.
Eddie? Ahh! Eddie? Oh, shit! Fuck! Eddie what are you doing? Nothing! Fuck! You must be doing something.
What's that, rain? It's raining.
Inside? What happened? Where Later.
We've got five minutes to get to the Laundromat.
What? What's going on? Come on, get on! OK.
We good? One, two, three! This gig is perfect.
Thank you.
Tammy's so happy, she's dripping.
I can't believe you came back.
Well, I, uh I went to the airport and I couldn't get on the plane.
So I wanted to find you and talk to you.
Shh.
You don't need to talk.
Um, yeah.
Eva, I had an amazing night last night.
It was very special, yeah? Oh, my God.
Are you trying to tell me Are you dying? No, no My God, you're dying, aren't you? I'm not I'm not dying.
But I am married.
What? I should have told you but I Who gets married? I do.
And I know what you must think, but I'm How would you know what I think? 'Cause I don't even I'm sorry.
E.
You OK? Who's the boy? Eva, what's Go back inside.
What's going on? Nothing you can fix.
Well, come back inside, hey? No.
You go.
Go on, go back inside.
Don't tell me what to do.
Go.
I'm not your alibi.
What? I was coming to check and see if you're OK.
No, you're distracting yourself.
So if you don't get the internship, you can go, "I would've got it "but I had to help Eva.
" Whoa.
That was a really shit thing to say.
Even if it is maybe 1 % true.
I'm sorry.
You should go back inside.
I'm OK.
You don't look it.
You look messed up.
Yeah, I'll explain later.
Go.
OK.