Spirited (2010) s01e03 Episode Script

Look.
Can you believe this? Look how many sites there are.
People really care.
People are actually bereft at my loss.
This is brilliant.
This one's got first-hand sightings of you.
Mum, Shylah said Little Ponies are for babies.
Does she have to interrupt? She can't see you.
Why can't she see me? Oh, sorry.
Little Pony's not stupid.
She didn't say "stupid".
She said "for babies".
You're not even listening to me! She sounds like a mean and jealous girl.
Sounds like a bitch.
Can I say that to her? Go for it.
Oh, hang on.
Stop.
"Last seen only a week ago "walking a schnauzer in Toulouse.
" What the f? I think I went to a cheese-tasting in Toulouse once, but A what? The world needs to know I'm alive.
You're not alive.
Funny.
What can I do? OK, write this.
"When Jesus wandered from his cave, "his disciples asked that they finger his wounds, and he forgave them.
"Come now and finger my wounds.
"Know my pain.
" Are you sure this is a good idea? I don't have good ideas.
I have brilliant ones.
Won't this just make her mad? Yes.
She'll be furious.
And then she'll be guilty.
That's what we have over women, Terry - their sense of guilt.
I mean, after all, aren't I just a father trying to make his daughter happy? Huh? Huh? Who's your daddy? - Is it mine? - You bet it is.
Anything for my girl.
Hi, Suzy.
Mummy, look what Daddy got me! What's his name? Gary, I think.
He can live on the balcony.
That's OK.
Right, Suze? Can he, Mummy? Can he? Can he? Can he, please? Of course.
I'll see if I can find some oats.
And I think I have some carrots.
Yes! Great.
Great.
I am not doing the family photo, Steve.
Why not? We're still a family.
It's fun.
The strata laws say we can't have pets.
Elvis, I've got plans for you and me.
What plans? Secret.
Tomorrow night - stay over.
Father-son time.
Can I go and get some carrots? Mm-hm.
Mum doesn't want to do the family photo.
We always do the family photo.
I know, sweetheart.
Fine.
I'll do your stupid photo.
Yay! Thank you.
Come on, Terry.
Let's go.
See you, Gary.
Bye.
Is he insane? It's a fucking horse.
Hello, mate.
I'm Henry.
Oh, it's nice to meet you, King Leopold.
No.
No grass, I'm afraid.
Just the, er the old tiles.
Yeah, this is to be your home, I'm afraid.
Sorry.
Maybe we should invite her.
The dentist? Mmm.
Let's call her Suzy, so she seems more human to us.
She seems a little uptight.
Well, you were uptight when I first met you.
I was tight.
Not uptight.
I think it'd be a nice thing to do.
Welcoming.
Neighbourly.
I've got a good feeling about her.
Off to cause pain - both physical and financial? I beg your pardon? It was a dumb joke about dentists.
Oh.
I actually really like the dentist.
At least, the laughing gas, anyway.
It's called nitrous oxide, actually.
We don't use it that often.
Mmm.
I guess not.
How are you settling in? Good.
Mmm.
We're having a little bit of a party on Saturday night.
Perhaps you'd like to come.
Uh, where? To our apartment.
A party.
Oh, I No.
No.
I don't think so.
Thank you.
No.
Oh, well if you change your mind - Ahh - Ahh Oh, this is disturbing.
Oooh.
Wow.
You have seven cavities.
How old are you? He's seven.
Are you brushing? Twice a day.
What with? Sherbet? Where's your mother? I'll just ask her in for a friendly chat.
A friendly chat.
Ahh Ahh Oh! Just wanted to have a bit of a chat with you.
He has seven cavities.
Right.
Seven.
Yes, I heard you.
Is that going to be expensive? I beg your pardon? We're just a little concerned about how he got seven cavities if he's brushing twice a day.
Maybe it's the lollipops.
What lollipops? Oh, he has a lollipop in bed.
Each night? Well, he won't sleep otherwise.
It's pretty cute, actually.
His little face.
Little lollipop.
You'd better not be judging me.
Huh! Lollipops! Can you believe that? I don't understand.
Who would think that that's a good idea? Huh! What kind of world are we living in where people think that that is a good idea? On the other hand, I have a pony living on my balcony.
Going to be long? Can you knock? It's a lot of effort.
Well, try.
What do you want? We need to check - see if anyone's got back to us.
After work.
Oh, come on.
I don't want to wait.
Oh, alright.
Can you do it on that? Mmm.
Blimey.
So, did Adam invite you to their party? Oh, how do you know? Whoo! You know? Remember? Mmm.
I said no.
Why? Poofs have brilliant parties.
You can't call them poofs.
Oh, don't be like that.
I love poofs.
No, you can't say the word poofs anymore.
Ginger beers.
No, no Anyway, point is they know how to have fun.
Don't they? That lot.
I went to a party once at Malcolm McLaren's house.
It went for 11 days.
Oh, God.
Didn't people get tired? He had a big jacuzzi full of charlie.
It was brilliant.
I pushed someone down the stairs.
Ah.
No responses.
What? Sorry.
Mrs Carrol's here.
They just want me for my nitrous oxide, anyway.
Who do? The gays.
I mean, the the guys on the second floor.
They invited me to a party.
But they just want me for my happy gas.
Oh, a party.
It'll be fun.
You can make some friends.
I have to settle the pony, and What pony? Uh, Mrs Carrol, what can we do for you? Oh.
Take a seat.
Yeah.
That's OK.
We see this all the time.
Ian Dury.
I pushed Ian Dury down the stairs.
Seriously.
Can I have? Don't even bother unwrapping 'em.
That's not cheese.
That's an insult to cheese.
You really love cheese.
Mmm.
I got cheese poisoning once from eating a whole brick of bleu d'Auvergne.
Ugh.
I've never regretted it for a second.
Light this for me, will you? No.
It's unhealthy.
I'm dead.
I'm very anti-smoking.
You should see what it does to your gums.
Yeah, let's pencil that in, shall we? Right after we've lit this and checked that.
Fine.
I had a memory that when I was little, my dad gave me a cigarette.
That's appalling.
Why would he do something like that? Just reaching out, I suppose.
Oh.
Oh, it's loading.
Seven replies.
That's a good start.
"Fuck off, you tosser.
Angie, Liverpool.
" What? Eh? Hang on.
"Go fuck yourself with a broom handle.
" What is wrong with these people? "This site is for people who loved Henry, not for psychos.
" Nobody loved Henry more than me! Yeah, I'm sure that's true.
The next two are the same.
"Bite me.
John Doe, LA.
" "Bite me"? Why would I bite someone? This is bollocks! Oh! Verity! What's happened? I went to pat Cupcake and he bit me! His name's King Leopold.
Oh You're OK, sweetheart.
Barely even broken the skin.
Oh Maybe if you called him by his proper name You just got scared.
It's OK.
Question seven.
Which American politician was the joint winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973? - Nixon.
- Kissinger? MAN: Correct.
Prick.
Elvis.
Next question Question eight.
Ready for a little man-time? I guess so.
Well Why the fuck don't they believe me? Where's the imagination gone? The internet's used by lots of people who are pretending they're not who they are.
There are Scoutmasters in Idaho pretending to be 12-year-old boys.
You need to give them proper proof.
Proof? Mm-hm.
Alright.
Take this down.
"A word to the leeches ".
.
the losers and the lonely.
"Your ridiculous doubts "are like a feeble wind "lost in the storm of my furious brilliance.
"And the puerile barbs of which you seem so proud "are mere limpets "growing crusted upon my beautiful balls.
"And so now I raise my two fingers "in a 'fuck you' that is seismic.
"And with an atomic bomb made of my own fucking magnificence, "I blast you all to kingdom come "like the worthless, shit-stained dogs you are.
"Love, Henry.
" Sounds a bit terroristy.
Are you sure? Send.
I'm going now.
Don't follow me.
Grass-fed.
Flinders Ranges.
42% marbling.
90 days aged.
Probably the best steak in the country.
That's good.
So It's good to have dinner - you and me.
So, how have you been? Good.
Must be pretty angry with your mum.
Not really.
You both always seemed unhappy.
I was never unhappy.
Can I text? No.
We're talking.
Make your mark, Elvis.
Make your mark.
I thought I told you not to follow me.
Well, you're not going anywhere.
One thing that strikes me - I thought I should mention it.
You're a bit of a doormat.
What?! I just helped you.
Yeah, and I'm returning the favour.
By insulting me? Those kids walk all over you.
And that husband - you know what that pony is, don't you? I think it's a Shetland.
It's an act of aggression.
Oh, yeah.
I know that.
Oh, you're smiling like you won.
Well, I did.
How exactly is not giving him a bollocking and letting him walk out of here Leaving you with a horse living on your balcony winning? It's a pony.
Where does the anger go with you, eh? I bet it's in there.
Right now.
Laying the groundwork for cancer.
Thank you very much! That's alright.
I don't I don't want screaming and chaos.
I want a civilised break-up.
That's .
.
a disgusting concept.
And, er, a lie you tell to yourself.
I'll leave you to your tumour.
Ah! Big day ahead.
Where are we going? We are going up.
OK.
Let's roll.
Yeah.
Hee-ya! Agh! Dad! Dad? Agh! Let's not panic.
Come on, Cupcake.
The coast is clear.
Come on, quickly.
Come on.
Nice and quiet.
Shh! That's it, Cupcake.
Come on.
OK, come on.
What if he runs and drags me? He won't.
What a beautiful thing to do for her.
He's such a good dad.
He didn't give her the pony for her.
He's trying to make me mad.
Why can't you ever give him credit for the things he does? Oh, you don't understand, Jonquil.
I understand.
You're just like our mum.
I'm not.
Sometimes I dream about her.
And I'm in a cage, and I'm reaching through to this ice-cream she's holding.
And finally she hands it to me.
And I lick it, and my face starts dissolving.
And she laughs and goes, "That's acid, you moron.
" I'm so not like her.
Can we have Mr Whippy? You bet we can.
No.
Ice-cream? No, we can't.
Ohhh Verity, that crazy music - it spooks horses.
I've seen them.
They go wild.
Be a fun mum.
Kids like a fun mum.
Steve gets that.
He's very connected to his inner child.
He is his inner child.
That's the problem.
So angry.
Come on, sir.
The great knob's decided to abseil down the front of the building.
We should be done in about five.
I'm alright.
Everything's under control.
Thanks, boys.
Eugggh! Light, you bastard.
Big dog.
No dog.
Horse.
In the lift.
Oh, Rocco, you're crazy.
A horse? No animals in the building! You've got a problem.
I really don't need any more character analysis right now, thank you.
Rocco knows about the horse.
No! Found a dump in the lift.
Oh, Jonquil had me so annoyed I was distracted.
Bum, bum, bum, bum! Well, we need to fight this.
He can't just take him.
I thought you thought it was stupid having a horse on the balcony.
Look at him.
Horse in an apartment.
It's genius.
These rules - they're just rules designed to keep people unhappy.
What you need is a riot.
A riot? Yeah.
Rocco.
What have you got there? Horse shit! Oh, for the roses? No! There's a there's a horse in the building! But that's against the rules.
No pets.
No animals.
Strata rule! You need to come down hard on this, Rocco.
I am going to inspect your apartment.
Good idea.
Um, there's a few other things I've noticed too, like the recycling bins aren't being returned to the designated area.
Huh.
Also, the main door is often propped ajar when people are bringing in their shopping, which is creating a security breach.
Oh.
No names.
Rita.
She's a big shopper.
Rules are rules.
Yeah.
It is your job, Rocco.
I'm happy do this between us before I have to bring it up publicly.
Great.
That was brilliant.
Thank you.
A quiet riot.
I still shouldn't have sent him a rat.
You're angry, frustrated.
It's completely understandable.
Really? It was alive.
It could have bitten him.
Oh.
I assumed it was dead.
Usually people send dead ones.
How did you get a live one? Caught it.
He called me a psycho.
Hurtful.
I'm just trying to get his attention back.
I mean, why can't he see that? Sometimes people can't see what they have in front of them.
Is he a good father? I guess so.
They have Wii.
That's so important.
My man is such a good dad.
He's showering them with love.
And his ex still can't see how amazing he is.
Is that what he's trying to do? Is? What? What he's what? Trying to make her see how amazing he is.
Get her back, maybe.
No, no.
He he just loves them.
Oh.
No.
So wrong.
Time.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
What are you doing? I'm moving my winter shoes back and bringing my spring shoes forward.
Course you are.
Must remember to do mine soon.
So, how come you're not going to the party? I need to clean the windows in my room.
You mad bitch.
Scared of new people and of fun.
No, I'm not.
Hmm.
What are you cooking? Snappy trouty mound.
Oooh, looks lovely.
Mum, Tiffany's telling everyone that I'm lying about having a pony.
Oh! And that because you and Dad are broken up, I'm weird now.
Oh, you are not weird, sweetheart.
These things just happen.
And you know what I said about the thing with Alice? Break in the conversation.
That means someone's asked you a question.
Yep.
No, you don't! You never listen to me! Verity? What the fuck?! You've been banned.
Well, they can't do that, can they? Come on, do something.
You've been barred.
I can't do anything.
They make up the rules.
No-one is going to believe you over the internet, Henry.
Got to go and talk to Verity.
Oh, great.
Where does that leave me? Eh? Stuck here in this shithole with you and your kids, watching you eat plastic cheese and rearrange your shoes for all eternity? Great! You know, there's other apartments.
Why don't you go and find someone more interesting to haunt? Oh, wow.
That was great.
See you, Dad.
Uh, Elvis? I, er I, um, want to give you some money.
OK.
Now, when your mother asks how today was, you tell her it was awesome.
Awesome? Awesome.
You OK? I'm sorry.
It's OK.
No.
It's not.
I should have listened better.
I want you and Dad to get back together.
We're not going to, sweetheart.
I'm sorry.
Hi.
How was your time with Dad? It was awesome.
Awesome? Yeah.
Awesome.
'Night.
'Night.
Super.
Not sure who he was aiming for, but it makes it awkward for Ferguson and makes it awkward for England in particular, Southgate.
Enjoying the game, are we, grandad? Eh? Who's winning? Mmm.
There's something about you, son.
And I just don't know what it is.
Still, by the looks of you, you're not too long for this world.
Maybe I'll just see you on the other side.
Aargh! Aargh! He's eating them! He's eating them! It's OK, it's OK.
Who left the balcony door open? It's OK.
Rita, what happened? It's his heart.
Oh.
Is there anything I can do? I didn't mean it.
What? I didn't know he had a dodgy ticker, did I? What have you done? You told me to go off and haunt people! Oh, shh! This is what happens.
People get hurt.
Shh! Shh! I'm Henry Mallet.
Who the fuck are you? - A choko? - Yeah, that's a fruit.
What? Are you blanking me now? You can't just ignore me, Suze.
Hi, Steve.
Oh, here we go.
- You picked up.
- Yeah, I did.
I heard you and Elvis had a good time.
Yep.
It was awesome.
Yeah, that's what he said.
It's good that you did that.
Well, he's my boy.
I love him.
I just want to do right by my family, Suze.
That's all.
OK.
Oh, and, um thanks for doing the photo.
Really means a lot to Mum.
You're a champ.
OK.
I'll call you later.
Told you, mate.
I am a genius.
My serve.
What's the score? 2-8.
Is Suzy alright? 9-2.
What are you doing? I wasn't ready for that.
Be on your game or on the train.
Yeah, so, apparently, they had a good time.
Just rock climbing or something.
You're still wrong for each other.
What? You were miserable.
He was miserable.
It's time you both found happiness.
Oh! You've changed your tune! No, I haven't.
Jonquil, you were about to have me committed for leaving Steve.
You're happier.
I think I need to let you have that.
It may have been my latent issues with Mum abandoning us that triggered my Complete lack of support.
Yeah.
I see now that you are so wrong for each other.
You've shown me that.
Sometimes I miss us as a family.
You need to be your own best friend, and the only thing that teaches us that is aloneness.
Maybe I need a best friend.
Aren't I your best friend? Um yeah.
Tell me about it.
I know.
It's way too small, you poor bastard.
You need to be running free, don't you? Well, I could ask her, but we've had a bit of a row, to be honest.
Yeah.
You think you're screwed? I might have killed someone.
His heart's never been good.
But what exactly did they say? A myocardial infarction.
I-I think that's right.
I could talk to the doctors, if you like.
All that passion, all that love.
He's been a big, good-hearted man.
Yeah.
'Cause I know the technical jargon and it can be overwhelming.
You grow up a little girl hoping you get someone special.
And then you do.
And it's like a secret you hold to you.
You don't tell anyone.
It'd make them feel bad about their own partners.
What'll I do when he goes? Oh, I'm sure he's going to be OK, Rita.
I don't want to be alone.
No.
I think he saw death last night.
Is this what you're missing? Bravo! Encore! It would have been better if you'd thrown your knickers at me.
I'm in the middle of a grieving process.
Oh, what? For yourself? For my predicament, yes.
Is he gonna be alright? He will live, no thanks to you.
Good.
Because I wouldn't want him to die.
Wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Oh, get over it! Oh, alright, Mrs I'm Alive.
Walking round like you're half fucking dead anyway.
Why? Because I have impulse control? No.
Because you you don't know how to feel.
Do you? You don't engage.
You I'm starting to feel sorry for that husband of yours.
Poor bastard.
Ice princess wife.
Everything's fine.
Everything's rolling along.
And then bang! You're gone.
Out the door.
Poor bastard didn't stand a chance.
I I feel many things! You don't even know.
I am like a I have to live with this! And you just you expect everything! Oh! You're just like a Oh, you should just go to hell.
Mr Henry.
Rock star.
Why don't you just eff off?! Don't laugh at me.
You dead dick! "Dead dick"? Brilliant.
That that was brilliant.
And about fucking time.
Excuse me? Seriously, I I nearly fancied you for a second there.
Go to hell.
Believe me, Suzy, darling, if they were offering tickets to hell, I'd grab one.
With both hands.
I've probably got a lot of friends there.
Instead I'm stuck here.
And I don't know why.
Most people feel like that.
Like what? Most people feel like they're stuck here and they don't know why.
Sit here.
And I'll make you a nice cup of tea.
Don't fuss, honey.
Let me take care of you.
You scared me.
Yeah.
You scared me too, you old bugger.
- The Release.
- A short film by Elvis.
Are you sure this is the right thing to do? Yeah.
It's the right thing to do.
The story of a short animal that could not be tamed and learned to live large.
Come on.
The big moment was here.
Free at last.
Free at last.
At first, freedom was a foreign concept to Gary.
Cupcake! Sorry.
Cupcake.
Bye, King Leopold.
Now, that name really suits him.
Bye, Cupcake.
Hey let's have some ice-cream.
Yeah, OK.
Ice-cream.
Thank you for driving us, Terry.
No problem.
You know I'll help you anytime.
Oh, I know.
I might call Steve.
Yeah, yeah.
Righto.
Yep.
Steve, you're going to love this.
OK.
Sumatran blend.
Shade cloth.
Fair-trade.
What's the grind? Medium for half of it.
Fine for the other half.
That is outstanding.
Maybe we should go to the movies.
I know this really great It's Suzy.
Hey, you.
What are you doing? I got rid of the pony.
What? Yeah.
Set it free on a lovely farm.
You what? That thing cost me two grand! Go catch it, then.
Listen up, missy.
You have no-one.
No one.
None of our friends have chosen you.
And you know why? I Because you're awkward and you're weird.
But here's the thing.
I will take you back whenever you're ready.
You are such a mean person.
The family photo - forget it.
It's over.
We are done.
I am not pretending anything for you anymore.
No You OK? That seemed intense.
I try and do the right thing, and I think it's time we allowed for the idea that maybe this is the right thing for both of you.
I-I was bushwalking once and I saw a wallaby trying to mount an echidna.
What? You're an amazing man, Steve.
Maybe the universe, in its quirky way, is setting you free to find who knows what? Maybe something or someone very unexpected.
Henry.
Oh, f! I've got something for you.
Bloody hell! Gorgonzola.
Taleggio.
Vackerin.
Vacherin.
And a St Henry.
Saint-Henri.
But, yeah.
Oh, man, that is Oh, it's so good! Oh, it's so lovely.
Thanks.
Would you eat some for me? Oh, no, I don't really like it.
Steve was always buying cheese and then yelling at me for not appreciating it.
I'm not going to yell at you.
Come on.
Just try a little bit for me.
Please? Describe it to me.
You know, taste, texture.
'Cause I I can't.
OK.
Gorgonzola.
Mm-hm.
Like vomit.
Don't piss about.
Come on.
Ah, the Taleggio.
Mmm.
It's good.
Good? Nice.
Bloody hell! It's it's smooth.
Look, you need to Try to think sensually.
It's cheese.
Yeah.
You need to you need to expand yourself for cheese.
It's melting.
Look, close your eyes.
Now draw me a picture.
It's like laying in a field under a tree with the sun softly on your face.
Brilliant.
Now you're getting it.
Try the vacherin.
Mm-hm.
Mmm.
It's Yeah.
It's barely there, and then it And then it fucks with your mouth and something lovely appears? Yes.
Yeah? Yeah.
Oh! How weird.
What? What's weird? Oh, it made me think of, um It made me think of when I was 16.
I went to the movies with my friend Lisa.
And, um And she leant over, and I thought she was just going to get a jube.
And, er and she kissed me.
Did she? Yeah.
Really suddenly.
Put her tongue in my mouth.
Right.
Mmm.
And then she just took the jube and neither of us ever mentioned it.
Wow.
I like that story.
Quite a lot.
Oh, cheese.
I miss cheese.
Life.
I miss life.
Oh, I know.
Really, um, thanks.
I guess I'm just not that good with my limitations, you know? Metaphysical or otherwise.
You may have been right about a few things regarding me.
Really? Me? Mum? Brittany said no.
Oh, to taking a teddy to the sleepover on Friday night at Dora's place.
Seriously? Mm-hm.
Oh, well, that's OK.
And your teddy bear's perfectly fine.
Probably wouldn't want to have a sleepover at Dora's house, anyway.
Thanks.
I have my uses.
Hi.
I said I wouldn't come to your party.
I remember.
It's fine.
- Don't worry.
- Oh, I'd like to, though.
If I still can, I'd like to.
Great.
It's 7:30.
Bring a bottle.
A bottle? Yes, indeed.
I will.
Hi.
It's me.
What's that? Nitrous oxide.
Right.
Most people just brought chardonnay.
Oh.
OK.
The Release.
A short film by Elvis.
Come on, fella.
The story of a short animal that could not be tamed and learned to live large.
The big moment was here.
Free at last.
Free at last.
See you later, Leopold.
You lucky fucker.
And so Cupcake goes to make its way in the wild.
For a pony like Everyone went silent, so I said, "Well, that's no way to treat poultry.
" Have you done the doll one? - Yeah, no, yeah, no.
- Oh, God! Enjoying the party? Oh! My jaw is locked in this dumb smile.
Hmm, yeah.
Slightly frightening.
Mmm.
Did you break out the happy gas yet? No.
When I brought it, they looked at me like I was insane.
Crack it out.
You've got nothing to lose.
No, I should just run.
No.
If they turn down the gas, then you've got an excuse, haven't you? Otherwise go on.
Off you toddle.
Go.
Good girl.
So it just seemed the next step was for us all to live together.
Sometimes life can be kind of crazy.
Can I tell you something? Is it something depraved? 'Cause they're my favourite.
I have a ghost.
Dance? Come on.
I'm glad you came.
Thanks, no, I've eaten.
So, what I said was, "It depends on what shame means to you.
" You kill me! Henry! Well, this is unexpected.
What? That you can dance.
Follow me.
Well, I can smell but I can't snort, if that's what's going on.
I want to try something with you, Henry.
Oh! Pardon? Are you sure? Can we go there again? Don't see why not.
Henry! Henry! I felt you.
I didn't want you to go.
Suzy.
I broke my tooth.
What? I broke my tooth! You fell? Uh-huh.
Oh, you've broken it in half! Oh! I'm gonna have to pull the rest of it out.
Oh, it's a mess! Steve! Thanks.
You, uh you look nice.
Oh, spare me.
You can't just walk out like that, Suze.
It's unfair.
I didn't get a chance to talk.
I didn't get a chance to fight for you.
And now you won't even be in the photo.
Say 'cheese'.