Sports Night (1998) s01e03 Episode Script

Leaving them just|2 yards shy of the first down, and, Bob Palmero,|what do you do if you're the Florida State|Seminoles in this situation? Well, Bobby Bowden -- He's gonna go for it.
He's gonna|kick the field goal.
No, he's gonna go|for the first down.
Well, they got to score|twice to win.
Why not just get|the three right now? He's got the wind|at his back.
He doesn't have the leg.
He's got the wind|at his back.
I don't care if he's got|the wind at his back and|a song in his heart.
He doesn't have the leg.
You're a crazy man|from St.
Louis.
You have no business|being in sports.
-Jeremy.
|-Yes, sir? Florida State, fourth and 2|on the Purdue 39 and down by 9.
What's Bowden gonna do,|kick or play? I really don't know.
-I'm asking|what you think.
|-It'd just be a guess.
-I want you to guess.
|-I don't like to guess.
Guess anyway.
-Come on, come on.
|-Why? Because this is fun.
|The job should be fun.
I'm having fun.
-You should have more.
|-I'm having a lot of fun.
-Jeremy!|-I'm having tons of fun! Guess! All right, fine.
He's gonna split|three wide receivers and put a tight end|in the backfield with|the tailback in motion.
A play-action fake|will freeze the strong safety, and Kittis will find|his primary receiver|over the middle.
It's a play called|Red Rocket right, slant 42,|"Z" out.
He'll get the first down,|probably a lot more.
What, are you insane? Wait, wait, wait, wait,|they're not kicking.
Kittis lines up under center|with three wide receivers split and the tight end|in the backfield.
Tailback in motion,|the play-action fake, and Kittis has Renfro|over the middle for|the first down and more! First and 10,|Florida State on the 16! Incredible! That's a play|Coach Bowden's got called Red Rocket right,|slant 42, "Z" out.
You take a lot of the fun|out of this, Jeremy.
Newport's gonna put up|a challenge, New Zealand and Australia|each have new keels, and Japan's looking|for an American tactician, maybe even a whole new|after guard.
Now, interestingly, ltaly|has developed a new 140% Genoa, but the lRC|says it may not meet specs because of a bolt|in the back step.
Honest to God, I have no idea|what sport you're talking about.
Dan's talking about|the rough-and-tumble, livin'-the-razor's-edge,|run-till-you-drop, never-say-die world|of offshore yacht racing.
Time for the America's Cup? We're only a year|and a half away.
I don't want to get scooped, but we can probably|postpone our coverage for, I guess, like,|a year and a half, can't we? Greatest sport in the world,|Dana, greatest sport.
|Great for kids.
All you need is $40 million|and a dream.
On the NHL -- "I must go down|to the sea again, "to the lonely sea|and the sky, to the flung spume and|the blown spray and the --" I don't know --|thing in my eye.
Thank you.
That was a poem|by Mr.
Henry David Thoreau.
It's Wordsworth.
Or Wordsworth.
-Uh, it might be Whitman.
|-Might be Byron.
-It's not Byron.
|-I think it is Whitman.
-Okay.
|-It is not Whitman.
-I think it is.
|-It's not Walt Whitman.
Well, I'm saying I think|it's Slim Whitman.
Fellas, we have|10 NHL games, 8 NBA, two of them|on the West Coast, so let's stay in business|on 30 through 50.
Edmonton's at Calgary,|and we'll pick it up|on the 2:00 A.
M.
-Can I say something?|-Sure.
There's a chance|it might be Dylan Thomas.
You have to imagine, Danny,|how much I don't give a damn|about blown spume.
It's flung spume|and blown spray, but, actually,|I like your way better.
Elliott, Kim,|I'm gonna need some people to triple up on games tonight.
-I can do it.
|-You're not gonna be|available.
-Why not?|-We're gonna talk to you|about it later.
Meet us in Isaac's office|right after lunch.
-Is Jeremy getting the call?|-He's getting the call.
-I'm getting the call?|-You're getting the call.
-I don't know what that means.
|-It means you're getting|the call.
-Really?|-Yeah.
I still don't know|what that means.
Isaac's office after lunch.
|Meantime -- I'm sorry, I'm just -- Is getting the call,|you know, good? Better than a poke in the eye.
-Really?|-Yes.
How much better? We'll talk about it|after lunch.
Natalie's got a memo|from downstairs about next Thursday night.
Just a note from the P.
R.
office|that the reception's black tie.
The cars will pick you up|after the show and wait for you|at the Four Seasons.
Is "next Thursday"|this Thursday or next Thursday? -This Thursday.
|-Dana said next Thursday.
This coming Thursday.
|Today is Monday.
Three days from now,|it'll be Thursday.
We knew what today was,|we just didn't know|what Thursday was.
-It's Thursday.
|-Got it.
Look, can I ask again?|Is it absolutely necessary|that we participate in this? -Yes.
|-Yes, I can ask again -- You have to go.
Luther Sachs expects us|to get off the air at midnight, change our clothes,|hop in a car, and go to|his cotillion? Reception.
These are pretty ornate|invitations for a reception.
What are you wearing? -The black Richard Tyler.
|-You're fine.
"October the 8th, 1998, A.
D.
" A.
D.
They're worried|I might accidentally show up A half-hour -- you have a drink,|you have a thing, they take your picture,|you're out of there.
-This Thursday?|-Yes.
What shoes are you wearing? Whatever shoes|are on my feet.
-I was talking to Dana.
|-What the hell -- Manolo Blahniks.
-Black silk sling-backs?|-Yeah.
Good.
Thank you, Coco Chanel.
Bumpers in and out|of commercial 6, we're holding on|the Pete Sampras announcement, and Mike Maravich|may or may not be named Athletic Director at TCU.
-Thank you.
That's all.
|-Back here at 3:00.
All right.
This doesn't originate|at the network level.
-This is an FCC regulation.
|-Huh.
Excuse me.
Hey, Jeremy.
I wasn't sure.
|When you said, "after lunch," is that after I eat lunch|or after you eat lunch? -What time|do you eat lunch?|-Anytime you want.
Let's do this now.
You worked for Mark Sabath|over at USA Today.
-Yes.
He's a friend of mine.
He used to mention that.
We think you're doing|real well here, Jeremy, and we'd like you to get|some segment-producing|experience.
Natalie,|I'm in Isaac's office.
Would you bring me|the material for Jeremy? Um, thoroughbred racing,|golf chat, beach volleyball.
It's not a prestige|assignment.
It just lets us take a look|at what you can do.
We're sending you out|this week to put together two seven-minute segments|for the CSC "Outdoorsman.
" The hunting show? Camping, fishing, hiking.
And hunting --|I mean, there's hunting along with the camping,|the fishing, and the hiking.
-Yes.
|-Is that a problem? The hunting? Yes.
No, sir.
-Good.
|-No problem.
-Good.
|-It's just -- I don't know|anything about hunting.
|I've never hunted.
I've got a deli on the corner,|and they deliver 24 hours, so Natalie.
This is some briefing material|we put together for you.
You should take it home|and study it the rest|of the day.
Tomorrow morning,|you'll take a van with your crew|up to the Adirondacks, where you'll meet Bob Shoemaker,|the professional guide, and Ed Bruckner|from the Cincinnati Reds,|the guest celebrity.
Wednesday, you're gonna|go after New England|blue mallard.
Thursday,|you're going after deer.
Deer get very big|in the Adirondacks,|so please be careful.
Friday, you come home|and cut your segments together.
All that information|is in here, plus all your contacts|at the show.
Any questions? Am I being punished|'cause I guessed right on that play|in the Florida State game? -Jeremy|-Mr.
Jaffee, it was a guess.
You asked me to guess,|so I guessed.
-What's he talking about?|-A lucky guess.
-That's right.
|-Ooh, I'm late for a lunch.
Jeremy, you're gonna do fine.
|I'll see you at the end|of the week.
-We've got a camera meeting|in the studio.
|-Ah.
I'll see you Friday.
|Knock our socks off.
-He talked to Mark Sabath.
|-Isaac? Yeah, he talked to Mark Sabath.
|He's my old boss.
Isaac and Mark Sabath|go way back.
Yeah, I know.
-Listen, I brought you|some snacks for the ride up.
|-Really? It's nothing -- candy and stuff|I got from the machine.
Twinkies.
Thanks a lot.
Don't be so nervous, Jeremy.
Enjoy it.
|You're getting the call.
I still don't know|what that means! -What are you doing?|-Reading the paper.
-Why aren't you changed?|-lnto what? Your tuxedo.
Today is Thursday.
Yes.
Today is next Thursday.
It's this Thursday.
|This is next Thursday.
-I'll go change.
|-Wait.
-There are two cars|downstairs.
|-Good.
-I want you to ride|with Isaac.
|-Fine.
I want you to ride|with Isaac so that|Casey rides with Dana.
-That's fine.
|-I want Casey|to ride with Dana.
I get it.
Do you? I ride with Isaac, and Casey|and Dana fall in love.
Right.
Wow, is that|a stupid plan.
Go change.
-Ow.
|-Well, hold still! You're stabbing me|in the chest.
I'm stabbing you in the chest|because you're squirming.
I'm really pretty sure|it's the other way around.
-Casey?|-Yeah? -I've been thinking a lot|about soccer lately.
|-And? Pretty much through with that.
Yeah? You know, to save my life,|I couldn't name five teams|that play in the MLS.
I know there's Luxembourg.
The MLS is an American|soccer league.
-Luxembourg doesn't play|in this league?|-No.
So I don't even know|Luxembourg.
Ow again.
You know, this is what you get|for being a grown man who can't|dress himself.
I used to have a wife|for that.
Tell you what else --|I'm starting to get|a little cheesed at people telling me|the reason I don't like soccer is that I don't understand it.
I think I do understand it.
|I think I understand it|just fine.
I just happen to think|it's a mind-numbing bore and that any reasonable person would rather be playing it|than watching it.
Well, I know it doesn't match|the pulse-pounding excitement of a good sailboat race.
Wait till you see Dana.
|She looks amazing.
All right, nobody move.
Name five teams|that play in the MLS, and Casey says|it's an American soccer league, so you can't choose|Luxembourg.
Go.
-Columbus Crew.
|-Miami Fusion.
|-New England Revolution.
-Tampa Bay Mutiny.
|-D.
C.
United.
-Chicago Fire.
|-Colorado Rapids.
-Dallas Burn.
|-Kansas City Wizards.
Los Angeles Galaxy.
And the New York/New Jersey|Metrostars.
You all just made that up,|didn't you? -You got smoked.
|-Yeah.
The cars are waiting|downstairs, right, Dan, the cars? Yeah, yeah.
-Say, about these cars.
|-What about them? -There are two of them.
|-There are four of us.
I was just thinking|I could ride with Isaac,|if you like.
-Why?|-So you could ride with Dana.
-Why would I want to|ride with Dana?|-Why wouldn't you|want to ride with Dana? -There's no reason I wouldn't|want to ride with Dana.
|-You see? I'm just asking|why in particular you asked me specifically if I wanted|to ride with Dana.
-You don't want to|ride with Dana?|-No, I'm --|I'm happy to ride with Dana.
but I'm also happy to ride|with you or with Isaac.
-Good.
|-What's more important is|why did you ask me? -Why did I ask you what?|-If I wanted to ride|with Dana.
I got to tell you,|at this point, the length of this conversation|is way out of proportion|to my interest in it.
-Well, all right, then|let's just leave it at that.
|-Fine.
Except to say this --|You know, I just finished an hour-long broadcast|at the end of a 14-hour day, and I'm not in the mood|to go to a party, not in the mood|to have my picture taken, and I'm not in the mood|to notice Dana's dress or notice Dana's hair|or notice Dana's shoes.
Dana's not my date,|she's my producer,|and the workday's over.
I'm not in the mood|to notice anything tonight.
I forgot my purse.
On your feet, partner.
|Let's go.
Oh, Danny,|where's Isaac? Control room.
Isaac Bob Shoemaker's calling|from the Adirondacks.
Something happened|with Jeremy.
Isaac Jaffee.
|What's going on? Studio "A,"|this is master control.
|You're up on router 21.
Thank you.
Five minutes to air.
|Natalie, find out why Dan|isn't in the studio.
Chicago says|their sound level's low.
Uh, let me hear them.
|Talk to me, Chicago.
They are talking|to you, Dana.
-They're talking to me now?|-Yes.
I can't hear them.
-Switch them to 4.
|-We're on 4.
-I can't hear Chicago.
|-We'll fix it.
You have four minutes.
Why aren't you|in the studio? -I'm trying to avoid Casey.
|-Why? He's making me crazy.
He's been making me crazy|all day.
It doesn't work for me.
I'm more comfortable|when I'm making him crazy.
Why is he making you crazy? Well, it seems he met|a girl last night.
Who? -Who do you think?|-Dana? -Yes.
|-It was the dress! 'Cause you made me play|musical cars.
It was the dress|and the cars.
In combination with|a number of things,|not the least of which is that she was spending|time with another guy|at the party.
Now we're in business.
Boy, I'd love to be|out of the loop on the next piece of drama|that's gonna happen|around here.
Dan, we need you|in the studio, please.
But I don't think|that's gonna happen.
We've got Chicago.
Oh, thank you,|thank you, thank you.
|Let me hear the studio.
-Which studio?|-Our studio! -Not hearing them now?|-I'm not hearing them now.
That's a problem.
Yes, that's a problem.
If I can't hear the show,|I can't produce the show.
They taught me that|in producing school.
You got 90 seconds.
-4-3 defense.
|-Thank you.
Heylet me ask you|a quick question.
-You know, right now|might not be the best time.
|-This is important.
-What's the question?|-How many people can you|think of named Gordon? -How many people can I|think of named Gordon?|-Yeah.
-Two.
|-That's how many I got.
|Which were your two? Gordon Lightfoot|and Gordon Liddy.
Those are my two.
|Those are the exact|same two that I got.
Can you think of any more? We're live in 60 seconds.
|Roll VTR.
-Can somebody|help me, please?|-They can't hear you|in there.
-Can you think of any more?|-No.
-Neither can I.
|-Good.
And it's my feeling that if|those are the only two you got and those are|the only two I got, those should be|the only two there are.
-Granting the premise.
|-And you should.
-You should grant|the premise, Danny.
|-I do.
'Cause we're two pretty|well-educated people, and we|both thought about it, and we both came up|with only two Gordons.
-I'm granting|the damn premise.
|-You should.
-Casey, you're driving me --|-My point is, here we are.
We're going along in life,|and everything's fine.
As far as we know,|there are only two|Gordons out there, when all of a sudden,|a third one comes along.
-The guy talking to Dana|at the thing last night.
|-The guy talking to Dana.
The guy out there|talking to Dana -- Gordon.
-We've got sound.
|-Oh, thank God.
-That was all I had to say.
|-Thank merciful God.
In 321.
Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
Those stories, plus|grab your galoshes.
We're gonna take you|out to the lditarod.
Why? 'Cause we just can't|believe it ourselves.
Also, grab your notebooks.
We're gonna take you inside|the 4-3 defense on this week's edition|of "lnside the 4-3 Defense.
" All that|coming up after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
-And we're out.
Back in 60.
|-Dave, Chris, Will, what are you guys doing|tomorrow morning at 10:00? -Got a basketball game|at the "Y.
"|-Yeah, it's a 3-on-3|with the guys from -- -Dave, Chris, Will,|what are you guys doing|tomorrow morning at 10:00?|-Fixing the sound system? There you go.
Camera,|your wrap is 12:06.
Let's not get into|golden time.
One more question.
Can I get a Teamster|to hit Casey in the head|with something heavy? Look, how did you know|the guy's name was Gordon? We were introduced.
-At the reception?|-Yes.
-By Dana?|-Yes.
-lnteresting.
|-Not really.
-You think they were|on a date?|-Yes.
-You think they were|on a date?|-Yes.
I totally disagree.
She introduced you to him.
|Big deal.
It's not like she walked up|to you and said, "Dan, this is my date,|Gordon.
" I want to know|exactly what she said when she introduced you|to him.
She said, "Dan,|this is my date, Gordon.
" All right, we're cranking|this whole thing up a notch.
You're back! -Yes.
|-Yay! -Really?|-Good.
Cut together|pretty well.
We saw the rough cut|a few hours ago.
-We thought it looked great.
|-Really.
-Thank you.
|-When you get a final cut, we'll send it to your parents|in a nice package.
It's your first|on-screen credit.
|They'll flip.
They'll like it.
-Welcome back.
|-Hey!|-Hey, how'd it go? Oh, real good.
Jeremy, can we see you|in my office for a moment? -Yeah, sure.
What's up?|-My office.
I was wondering|why you were lying just now.
-What do you mean?|-Jeremy, did you think|we weren't gonna find out? What the hell happened|out there? -It was nothing.
|-It was not nothing.
I got sick.
|I threw up.
They took you to the hospital.
|You passed out.
-I told them --|-Bob Shoemaker said|you were sweating|and hyperventilating.
It was hot outside.
Not in the Adirondacks|in October.
-Look --|-Tell us about|your hunting trip.
The first day,|you were going after|New England blue mallard.
Yeah.
Bob and Eddie were using|the I.
R.
50 Recon by Bushcomber.
It's got a 16-inch|microgroove barrel with.
30-30 mags,|side-scope mount, wire-cutter sheath,|quick-release bolt, mag catches,|and a 3-pound trigger, so I figured|we must be going after a pretty dangerous duck.
You can wiseass|all you want.
You're gonna tell me|what happened.
We shot a deer in the woods near Lake|Mattatuck on the second day.
There was a special vest they had me wear so that|they could distinguish me from things|they wanted to shoot, and I was pretty grateful|for that.
Almost the whole day|had gone by, and we hadn't gotten anything.
Eddie was getting frustrated, and Bob Shoemaker|was getting embarrassed.
My camera guy|needed to reload, so I told everybody|to take a 10-minute break.
There was a stream nearby,|and I walked over with this care package|Natalie made me, sat down.
When I looked up,|I saw three of them -- small, bigger, biggest -- recognizable to any species|on the face of the planet as a child, a mother,|and a father.
Now, the trick|in shooting deer is you got to get them|out in the open, and it's tough with deer 'cause these are|clever, cagey animals with an intuitive sense|of danger.
You know what you have to do|to get a deer out in the open? You hold out a Twinkie.
That animal clopped up to me|like we were at a party.
She seemed to be pretty|interested in the Twinkie, so I gave it to her.
Looking back,|she'd have been better off if I'd given her|the damn vest.
And Bob kind of screamed at me|and whispered, "Move away!" The camera had been reloaded,|and it looked like the day wasn't gonna be a washout|after all.
So I backed away a couple of steps|at a time and I closed my eyes|when I heard the shot.
Look, I know|these are animals, and they don't play bridge|and go to the prom, but you can't tell me that|the little one didn't know|who his mother was.
That's got to mean|something.
And later at the hospital, Bob Shoemaker was telling me|about the nobility and tradition|of hunting and how it related to|the Native American lndians, and I nodded, and I said|that was interesting, while I was thinking about|what a load of crap it was.
Hunting was part of|lndian culture.
It was food and it was clothes|and it was shelter.
They sang and danced|and offered prayers to the gods for a successful hunt|so that they could survive just one more unimaginably|brutal winter.
The things they had to kill held the highest place|of respect for them, and to kill for fun was a sin.
And they knew the gods wouldn't be so generous|next time.
What we did wasn't food,|and it wasn't shelter, and it sure wasn't sports! It was just mean.
Jeremy why didn't you tell us|how you felt about hunting when we gave you this? -Because you told me you spoke|to Mark Sabath at USA Today.
|-Yeah, but -- In fact, I know you|must've spoken to him|before you ever hired me.
Well, of course I did.
I also spoke to Dave Heller|at the Free Press and Tom Monahan|at the Sacramento Bee.
And they all said pretty much|the same thing? Yes, they all said|that Jeremy Goodwin|was a bright guy with a world-class understanding|of popular sports, but that he didn't|quite fit in, and there was little chance|that he'd advance in|their organization.
All due respect,|Mr.
Jaffee, but I have $80,000|in college loans to pay back.
My instincts told me|to shut the hell up|and do what I was told.
Your instincts were wrong.
Not fitting in is how|qualified people lose jobs.
Yeah,|but a lot of the time, it's how they end up|working here.
Now, you had an obligation|to tell us how you felt, partly because I don't like|getting a phone call saying I put one of my people|in the hospital but mostly because|if you feel that strongly|about something, you have a responsibility|to try and change my mind! Did you think|I would fire you simply because you made|a convincing argument? It's taken me a lot of years,|but I've come around to this -- if you're dumb, surround|yourself with smart people, and if you're smart,|surround yourself with smart people|who disagree with you.
I'm an awfully smart man,|and Mark Sabath is an idiot! He had you, and he blew it.
You're gonna do|great here but you got to trust us.
You fit in|on your own time.
When you come to work|for me, you show up to play.
I'm going home.
You don't know us|very well, so if it's hard trusting us|at the beginning maybe it'll help|to know that we trust you.
Good night.
-Good night.
|I'll see you Monday.
-Good night.
Hi, dad? It's me.
-No, nothing's wrong.
-I just wanted to tell you that something nice|happened at work today.
I got the call.