State of Georgia (2011) s01e03 Episode Script

And at the end of the dream I hid in a corn maze with Bill Nye the science guy until the hurricane passed.
( Gasps ) I had the same dream except instead of a corn maze, it was the oscars; and instead of the science guy, it was Drake.
So totally different dream.
Different.
Better.
So you wanna meet for lunch later? I heard that awesome taco truck's gonna be on campus.
As much as I love rolling the dice on street meat, I have an improv class.
( Spits ) When did you start improv class? ( Spits ) I told you about that, didn't I? I did the most amazing ice cube in the desert.
"Are we there yet? It's hot out here.
Yeah yeah!" Didn't they mean a frozen ice cube? Maybe, but a frozen ice cube can't say "yeah yeah!" How about coffee this afternoon? Can't.
Our project's due in two days, and I promised Spewy Lewis that we'd work all afternoon.
- Who? - Spewy Lewis, grad student, crush on me, spits when he talks.
I could have sworn I told you about him.
How about happy hour? - Can't.
Dinner? - Can't.
When did it get so hard for us to make plans? How about a late movie? The one with the girl that we hate and the guy that we like? Our favorite theater? Maybe that wasn't so hard, for us to make plans.
Bagel's ready.
I don't think this actually saves us any time in the morning.
I just like watching you cook with it.
Maybe one day I'll show you how to use it on your hair.
( Theme music playing ) Frederick, you have got to stop calling me.
You are a sweet man, but I don't wanna the trial's over.
Il handle your business, aunt Honey.
Freddie was fine, but mama likes her man's reputation solid but did you know it with old boxes? That's why I said you could use the closet so you'd move all the old boxes.
Aunt Honey, you don't into helping you.
That's what we have Jo for.
But I am gonna keep this piece of vintage fierceness.
Oh, it's yours.
I haven't worn that old thing since I got rid of the pole.
Put your eyes back in your head.
I dated a Polish count.
Hmm.
Of course you did.
( Laughs ) Savanna High school class of Oh! None-ya.
Hey, is that you? It was my first week in New York.
I didn't know they made cameras back then.
- I'm just kidding.
You look amazing.
- That was a good day.
Reggie Jackson had just asked for my number.
I'm going to nod like I know who that is.
Who's the other girl in the picture? That's Patrice.
She was my best friend.
Sort of like you and Jo.
Honey and Tricey were gonna take over the world.
Where's Patrice now? I don't know.
Oh, look! My key to the city.
I just wish I could remember which city.
You guys were best friends.
What happened? We got busy, you know.
Didn't have time for each other.
We just drifted apart.
Don't you wish you could see her again? Oh, yeah, that would be something.
Oh look, my little black book.
Oh, and my little white book! My little Latino book! ( Screams ) All these years and Aunt Honey has never said one word about this person.
I know.
Three home runs on three pitches in one world series game.
Bananas.
Not Reggie Jackson.
I'm talking about Patrice.
She and aunt Honey did everything together.
And then one day, nothing.
So sad.
- You're sad? - I'm not sad.
Aunt Honey's sad.
- Aren't you listening? - I'm carrying two things of popcorn and a soda and I'm trying to find you in the dark.
If anyone's sad, it's me.
We should try and get them back together.
Aunt Honey and Reggie Jackson? Aunt Honey and Patrice.
I think I'm gonna track her down.
But Aunt Honey lives right upstairs.
Patrice! Goodness, Jo, you built a computer when you were eight, but you can't carry, walk and think at the same time.
Oh! Well, that makes things easier, but I still don't see you.
Okay, listen, I'm the girl standing up, waving the bright red boa.
You would think I'd see that.
No, this is saved for my best friend, which you can be anytime you like.
Hey, Jo, what what theater are you in? Our favorite, the Lafayette.
No no, see, our favorite is the Madison, where I am.
So I should probably stop hugging this perfect stranger? You know why the Madison is our favorite theater? It has real butter and seats that go back.
No, the Lafayette is our favorite because it has fake butter and armrests that go up because sometimes I get scared and need to lie down.
Oh my God, this is how it starts.
- How what starts? - The drifting apart like Aunt Honey and Patrice.
Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, that's toothpaste.
Oh! See? It's happening.
The only thing that's happening is that now my cheeks - are tartar free.
- ( Spits ) Jo, think about it.
Ever since we were five, we did everything together.
Now we've got different schedules - and new friends.
We're just out of sync.
- ( Spits ) Oopsy.
Now spit on my arm, buddy.
Out of sync.
Georgia, you're making way too big a deal out of the fact - that you got the theater wrong.
- No, I'm not.
- And you got it wrong.
- Much as I'd love to be here when you realize how wrong you are, I gotta meet Seth and Leo for coffee.
- Who? - From school.
- I didn't tell you about them? - No! There's a rumor that last winter when the heat went out, Seth and Leo had to share a bed for a week to stay warm.
People called them the snuggle bunnies.
That's what I'm talking about, Joe, there's spitting and snuggling going on.
- I should know these things.
- Georgia, your hair! Don't change the subject, Jo.
You have a whole entire world that I know nothing about.
What is it ( Screams ) my hair! Oh! That is gonna smell all day.
Look at us, Jo.
We're falling apart.
We're not falling apart.
Of course, you're smoldering and I'm late for school, but mostly we're fine.
Jo! Jo, you forgot to put on your pants.
You have a good day too.
We're so falling apart.
No, Leo, it could never happen.
I'm not saying it's likely, Seth.
I'm just saying it's physically possible.
- I'm not gonna engage - Then don't.
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
This is not the time to debate what would happen if a vulcan had sex with an Ewok.
Let's just agree that the baby would be very smart and very adorable.
Or it could have pointy ears and sing in a tree.
No, it couldn't, Lewis, because it could never happen.
You put that away.
Guys, can we please just focus on this project without any more distractions, please? Surprise! What's poppin', physics people? What are all these digits? What is that? Georgia, what are you doing here? What? I wanna see you.
I wanna soak up your world, meet your new friends, chillax.
Why? Because you're always saying, "visit, meet my friends, soak up my world, chillax.
" - I have never said that.
- Then that's just rude.
Are you freaking out because of the movie theater thing? What? No.
Can't a friend visit a friend without all these suspicions and allegations? Hey, so this is where all the magic happens, huh? Magic is the antithesis of science.
In science, we deal with facts.
Fact: We are extremely busy.
Fact: You have nothing to contribute.
This the guy who likes you? Fact: You can do better.
That's enough.
- You know nothing about me.
- I know why they call you Spewy Lewis.
- Georgia! - What?! He should come with a towel.
For your information, an overactive salivary gland is a sign of virility.
Lewis, wait.
Oh! Come on, we'll be fine.
Seth thinks someone else is fine.
Shut up, Leo.
Seth and Leo? The snuggle bunnies? - No no no no no.
- What are you talking about? So how cold does it have to get for you guys to snuggle together? - You're so cute.
- Who did you tell? What are you ashamed of? We were wearing underpants.
Shut up! Thanks a lot, Jo.
Now I'll have to go earn his trust back.
Seth! How could you do that? - You said people called them the snuggle bunnies.
- Not to their faces.
Well, then that's on you, sweetheart.
You should have been more clear.
I can't believe we lost half the team.
So what? You said you pretty much do all the work anyway.
Would you please stop talking? Okay.
Okay, fine.
Listen, I am a fly on the wall.
On a chair a fly on a chair soaking up your world.
Okay, I apologize for that, but we still have a deadline to meet, so let's focus.
Guess what? I think I tracked down Patrice, Aunt Honey's old friend.
She is a wedding planner in New Jersey.
Internet, huh? Y'all use the Internet? You know what? You need to go.
Oh, wait, you need your space.
I got it, Jo.
I'll just move right over here.
- Georgia, wait! - You want me here? Stop! The board! Ooh, okay okay, no problem.
No problem.
We can fix this, right? 'Cause that's like a "b.
" Right? Right? And then you say, "plus times smiley face.
" Will you just go? Right.
Okay, so you guys probably have a lot of work you gotta do.
I can't believe that I was worried about us.
We are more than solid.
( Crunch ) Somebody's glasses.
Okay, group, you're all chickens on a farm.
Go! ( Snaps fingers ) ( Clucking ) Good good.
( Loud clucking ) Uh, hi.
Sweetie sweetie.
Hi.
You're supposed to be a chicken.
I am.
I just made a less obvious choice.
I'm a chicken who's in love with a fox, even though I know he could kill me.
It's kind of like "Twilight.
" Yeah, there's one of you in every class.
What's going on, improv people? Catch me up! What are you doing here? Isn't it obvious? I'm here to see you, soak up your world, chillax.
So which guy's gay, but pretends to be straight? So this is a little physics payback? Not now, Jo.
- This class is important to me.
- So was my formula.
This is low, Jo.
This is a low Jo blow.
Well, you don't know how low Jo can go.
And that's not a limbo reference.
Remember? I had scoliosis.
I know.
You remember that? Hello.
If you're done borrowing my class, I'd love to have it back, please, okay? Thanks.
All right, we need two dos volunteers for the buzz character exercise.
- Go home! - Fine.
Bella chicken, you're up.
You hear that? We're up.
No no no, Brady.
Listen, I'd like another scene partner.
And I'd like to have been on "mad tv," but here we are.
Okay, every time I buzz, you're gonna switch to a whole new character.
Now we'll start with rat and cheese in a trap.
And, tardy for the party, you're the cheese.
( Buzzer ) ( Chittering ) I know what you're doing, cheese.
Ow! You deserve it, rat.
Why are you ow-ing, cheese? Because I'm stuck in a trap, hello.
- Cheese doesn't have feelings.
- That's exactly what a rat would think.
- ( Buzzer ) - Good, let's do another one.
Now you are a wad of gum stuck in messy hair.
And, messy hair, you're messy hair.
Go.
( Buzzer ) Why couldn't you just stay in your wrapper where you belong and not get everything all tangled up? I see my flavor is not appreciated.
That's because you never think of anyone else's flavor but your own.
You can be so selfish sometimes.
I just don't want us to end up like aunt Honey and Patrice.
Working in backstory.
Nice layers.
I'm invested.
We're not gonna end up like that.
It's all in your head.
Is it, Jo? How many people do you know that stay friends their entire lives? People change.
They drift apart.
Somebody's drifting apart from their character.
All right.
You're just so busy with all of your hair things.
- What about you with your gum things? - ( Buzzer ) Now you're a cockney lass and a drunk munchkin.
( British accent ) That's why I tried so hard to keep us together, governor.
Well, maybe you're trying too hard.
( Hiccups ) What's it then? Are we doomed? I guess so.
We're done.
And scene.
Okay, nice work, ladies.
We need volunteers for the next exercise.
Two wrestlers in the shower who just found out the world is ending.
Oh! Excuse me.
Pardon me.
That was my favorite lip balm.
Mine too.
How bad do we want it? ( Flushes ) Maybe we should start getting ready separately in the morning? I guess we'll get used to going our own way.
It'll make it easier when we can't stand each other any more.
We had a good run.
Yeah, we did.
Better than most.
Yeah, some day I'll read about you when you win the nobel prize.
And I'll read about you winning that Oscar.
- You're gonna wanna watch that live.
- Yeah.
( Cell phone rings ) It's Patrice, aunt Honey's old friend.
I called her and told her I was a bride-to-be and now she's here to give me my wedding consultation.
So you're gonna surprise aunt Honey - and get them back together? - Yeah.
- Maybe one day someone will do the same for us.
- ( Snickers ) - That would be nice.
- Yeah.
- Oh, look, it's coming back.
- Our friendship? No, the lip balm.
( Doorbell rings ) Nice to meet you, Patrice.
Who's the bride? When's the wedding? And what's our budget? Please, come in.
Well, actually, there's not gonna be a wedding.
I'm so sorry to hear that, dear.
But just know, only suckers return the ring.
No no no no.
No, wait.
There was never a wedding.
Now you owe me for gas and tolls and the brunch I'm about to have at the Waldorf.
No no no, you don't understand.
I want you here for a big surprise, a blast from your past.
I know you're not my long-lost daughter, because that one's accounted for and paid off.
Jo, what is this about? And please don't ask me to explain third base to you again because honestly, I cannot stand all that giggling before cocktail hour.
Oh! You! You! ( Screams ) Jo! They're speechless.
No no.
Their hearts are talking a mile a minute.
Patrice, you're looking well for a woman who's been ravaged by any number of social diseases.
Honey, hand on Bible, I've never seen you looking so vertical.
Darling, you have always had the best taste in doctors.
My compliments to the one who lifted your breasts off the floor.
Why, thank you.
I'd give you his number, but I wouldn't want to overwhelm him.
When are they gonna hug? Why would you bring this hussy into my home? Your great-great-granddaughter tricked me.
Aunt Honey, you told me you and Patrice were the best of friends and then drifted apart.
We did drift apart, per court order, - after she stole my man.
- Tell it to the judge.
He was a judge.
Now he's a senator.
I could have been the queen of Capitol Hill instead of - well, I did do okay, didn't I? - You did great.
- But that's not the point.
- I might have stolen your man, but you drove my brand-new Thunderbird into the Hudson River.
And I cried for days when I learned you were not in the trunk.
Aunt Honey, why didn't you tell me this? Because you don't need to be all up in my business.
And you don't need to be closer than 500 feet to my person.
Oh, I'll go.
I'll go.
But just know, that red boa you used to wear was as tasteless as your old nasty potato salad.
Patrice darling, wait.
Yes, Honey.
35 years.
And you still walk like a man! ( Screams ) Say hi to your mama for me.
Well, heard she owns her own business.
That's pretty cool.
What am I gonna do with you two? And what are you looking so sad about? I'm the one who had to deal with that jezebel.
Well, you and Patrice were so close and now you're not, and that's starting to happen between us.
What? You two are nothing like me and Patrice.
For example, Patrice is a lying, cheating backstabber.
But Georgia and I are having less and less in common.
That's good.
Patrice and I were exactly alike, except for the lying, backstabbing part.
You forgot cheating.
Why are you all up in my business? You two should be glad that you're so different.
- We should? - Yes.
That's what keeps you so close.
Since you're not competing with each other, you're always there to support each other and that's a beautiful thing.
Unlike you and Tricey.
That was an ugly ugly thing.
( Sighs ) So maybe we're not doomed to drift apart.
You're stuck with me, messy hair.
I am so sorry that you had to witness all that unladylike behavior.
I'm embarrassed.
You know, there was a lot of history there.
No, I'm embarrassed that I let her get that close before I could grab my gun.
I mean, what was the point of all that training? You know? Maybe those 20 minutes in the morning it's all what we have sometimes, - but it's my favorite part of the day.
- Mine too.
Is my bagel ready yet? Bagel? I bought a flatiron.
Egg sandwich? Joe, if there was a cooking show in the bathroom, - you'd be the star.
- Aww, thanks.
Wanna meet for coffee later? - Our favorite place? - You got it.
Our favorite place on 60th, right? Right.
- Jo, pants! - You have a good day too.