Stripperella (2003) s01e03 Episode Script

1
89¢, 89¢, 89¢, 89¢
Price check on the horse jerky!
89¢.
89¢
Attention, shoppers,
this is a robbery.
Don't shoot, don't shoot!
Cover me while I help myself to
a little five-finger discount.
I'll take this box of wine.
Thank you.
Shampoo, don't mind if I do.
Tell 'em Cheapo was here!
There she is, damn!
Better watch out!
Picture all those stupid morons,
buying ketchup
when you can get it for free
at any common burger joint.
Another reason
why they're idiots
and I'm great.
I'm Sally Rose.
We're back with sexy
super-heroine, Stripperella.
Hi.
So, Stripperella,
you've always been
outspoken in your support
for animal rights.
Yeah, I've just
started a new charity
called "animals need
universal support,"
or "anus."
Any time you wanna
plug anus on my show,
I'll be more than
happy to have you.
So, tell me, a woman with
such beautiful features,
luscious lips, supple breasts,
firm, lickable thighs
You must get a lot of action.
Well, actually,
being a superhero
can be kind of lonely.
Aww
Well, what do you say we
take some phone calls?
Alicia from Atlanta,
you're on with Stripperella.
I was wondering if you could
tell us your secret identity.
I'm sorry, no, it's a secret.
We have a collect
call from Cheapo?
Hello, Stripperella.
Guess who's out of prison
and back in town?
Cheapo, I thought
I put you away for good.
Well, between time off
for good behavior
and our liberal governor's
ridiculously lenient
work furlough program,
my 20-year sentence
became a 20-day sentence.
And now I'm planning on
committing my biggest crime yet.
Not if I have anything
to do with it.
Well, if I have
anything to do with it,
you won't have anything
to do with it,
because if you get
in my way, I'll kill you.
We'll be right back.
Coming up later, a man who
cheated on his wife with a goat,
a male goat.
Boss?
Yeah, what is it?
Me and henchman number one,
we've been thinking,
maybe you might wanna
put a little more money
into your operation.
I mean, the three of us
have to share one gun,
and you won't let us
buy any more bullets.
Buy more bullets?
We still have three bullets.
Sorry, boss.
Geez, now I'm all worked up.
I know, let's say
we go on a crime spree.
A crime spree?
Cheapo style.
Yeah, yeah!
Take a penny, leave a penny?
I think I'll take a penny.
No fake fur!
What about the hunters?
Next time, can we please
park a little closer?
This was the closest
spot we could find
that already had
money in the meter.
Come on, let's go!
Wait, wait!
There's still three minutes
left on the parking meter.
She's got the Bible out,
she's preaching again.
This is ridiculous.
Religion doesn't
belong in our schools
or in a gentlemen's club.
Bah!
My boyfriend is the greatest.
He is the only guy for me.
He's so romantic and sweet.
Oh, my golly, it's my dad!
He's coming over here.
Giselle?
Daddy!
Erotica, this is my father.
Hi, Giselle's father.
The name is Roger.
It's nice to finally meet you.
Giselle talks about
you all the time.
Well, look, honey, I'd better
get back over to the table.
Don't screw this up for me.
You'd better strip good!
What was that all about?
He's here with some
important clients.
He's trying to seal the deal on
this big advertising account.
Guess it all just comes
down to me strippin' good.
Look, you're a great stripper.
When your dad sees you up
there, grinding that pole,
thrusting your
crotch into the air,
and picking up dollar bills with
those perfect breasts of yours,
he's gonna be so proud
of his little girl.
I hope you're right.
Let's hear it for angel!
Now, that's what
I call a burning bush!
Amen!
Coming up next, Giselle!
Sorry!
Oh, that is it!
You blew our business deal.
You brought shame
to your corporation.
I just lost the big
account because of you.
But but
I'm ashamed to call
you my daughter!
Daddy!
This is the big time, boys!
Starting tomorrow,
the world's largest cubic
zirconium imitation diamond
is gonna be on display
at the world's
largest items museum.
It's valued at almost $300.
Awesome!
Here's how we're gonna do it.
You two henchmen are
gonna stand guard
in front of the north,
south, east, and west entrances.
At the same time, you must
overtake the security guards,
disengage the alarm system,
and disable
the security cameras.
Now, there's only one thing
that can get in our way.
Logic?
No, Stripperella.
I want Stripperella dead!
Put the word out on
the street that whomever
kills Stripperella,
I, Cheapo, will
pay a bounty of $8.
But the going rate
for a hit is more
in the range of $50,000.
What?
That's exorbitant.
We'll just have to
do it ourselves.
Erotica, I got your message
and came right down here.
What's so important?
I just wanted to tell
you, Giselle's dead.
Giselle?
My Giselle?
How?
Why?
No!
I was just kidding,
she's not really dead.
What?
I just wanted to make you
realize how much Giselle
means to you.
So she's not dead?
No, but her feelings are hurt.
Don't you think you're
being too hard on her?
So she screwed up
a simple pivot turn.
All of us erotic dancers
have slipped doing
a pivot turn at some point.
She's alive.
My daughter's alive?
So you lost an account!
I speak from experience
when I say that clients
come and go all the time.
Daughters are there forever.
Well, unless they're dead.
Sir, this is your chance to
make a symbolic pivot turn
and apologize.
Don't slip on
the runway of life.
Oh, no, my belly ring
is vibrating!
I gotta call headquarters.
Not that I have a headquarters,
because I don't.
Superheroes and/or secret
agents have headquarters.
I'm merely an exotic dancer.
Look out, crime.
I'm gonna take
a bite out of you.
But not in a way you're
gonna find pleasurable.
Chief Stroganoff,
agent 69 reporting for duty.
I got here as fast as I could.
Woo!
Stripperella, Cheapo
the discount villain
is out of prison.
We have reason to believe that
he's going to try to harm you.
I want Cheapo back behind
bars before it's too late.
Nothing is more important
than your safety.
Sir, people usually
practice putting indoors.
Well, my putting
doesn't need work.
Now, go down to
our lab-type place.
Hal and Bernard are
waiting for you
with some of their new
crime-fighting invention
stuff thingies.
And the emulsion factor is
clearly disproportionate
to the atomic mass!
But that contradicts Weinstein's
theory of lysergic convergence!
Hey, Hal, Bernard.
Hey, hey, hi.
It's just stripperella.
You look real
Fetching.
So what've you guys
got for me today?
Laser lipstick, poison mascara,
tampon dagger, and suicide gum.
It's wintergreen, your favorite.
We've also been working
on a homing thong for you.
So we're gonna need to make
another mold of your ass.
You guys have made
like seven molds of my ass.
What happened to the one
you just made?
Bernard took it home,
and he, uh, he broke it.
Shut up!
Eureka!
Check out my new invention!
You guys are gonna freak out.
The future is now!
What is it?
It's a portable telephone.
You can use it anywhere, and
it only weighs ten pounds.
There's no cords, nothing.
It operates on
cellular technology.
It only took me
15 years to build.
Uh, Jerry, you've been
locked in that basement for,
what, 30 years now?
It's time to come
out and get a clue.
I think it's great.
I can really use this phone.
Thanks, Jerry.
Wait until you see
my next invention.
It's an electric typewriter.
It's just like
a regular typewriter,
only you have to plug it in.
Stripperella, before you go,
we have one more
invention to give you.
It's a penny disintegrator.
A penny disintegrator?
A penny disintegrator.
Pennies go in,
but they don't come out.
Thanks.
I can't tell you how many
times I've gotten out of
a perilous situation
because of an unusual gadget
that had been conveniently
given to me earlier that day.
Stripperella, stripperella?
Behind you.
Right, there you are.
There's a burglary in progress
at the old recycling plant.
Looks like it could
be the work of Cheapo.
I'll get right on it.
Be careful, stripperella.
Cheapo is viciously cheap.
Deviously cheap.
He's viciously devious,
and he's cheap.
I know, chief.
Don't worry.
Ruthlessly cheap.
Dangerously
Hello, stripperella.
Well, if it isn't Creepo.
That's Cheapo.
I know!
I was mispronouncing
it on purpose.
Enough small talk.
Cheapo, you're goin' down.
No, you're going up!
You'll never get away with this!
What?
I said, you'll never
get away with this!
Oh.
Yes, I will!
Wait!
What is it you're
trying to get away with?
Oh, nothing.
I'm only gonna steal
the world's largest cubic
zirconium imitation diamond,
from the world's largest
items museum, that's all.
I'm only gonna steal
the world's largest cubic
zirconium imitation diamond
from the world's largest
items museum, that's all.
You cheap jerk!
But first,
I'm going to kill you.
You cheap, evil jerk!
Remember, stripperella,
a penny saved is
a penny earned
For murder!
Let's go.
Shouldn't we stay
here and watch?
You know, just to make
sure she's properly
pennied to death?
Oh, please.
This is foolproof.
It's not like she has
a penny disintegrator.
Come on, join in the laughter.
That's what I pay you for.
Oh, I can't drown in pennies!
Wait, the penny disintegrator!
Penny disintegrator on.
Pennies go in,
but they don't come out.
Penny disintegration in
t-minus ten minutes.
Ten minutes?
To disintegrate one penny?
Three adults.
Admission, free.
Penny disintegration
in t-minus four minutes.
Come on, laser lipstick,
get me out of this bottle!
Look, the world's
largest underpants!
I gotta bring Gladys
and the kids here.
Shh! Come on.
Penny disintegration
in t-minus 2 minutes.
The phone!
Hello, freedom?
It's for you!
Penny disintegrated.
Please insert another penny.
I got it!
I'm a hundred-aire!
Not if I can put
my two cents in!
Ah, stripperella?
I said, we shoulda hung
out to make sure she died.
You heard me.
Now, it's time to administer
the world's largest ass-kicking.
Get her, boys!
What are you waiting for?
I said, get her!
That's it!
Oh, you pathetic losers.
Oh, wait a second.
Oh, I love fighting crime.
You guys hang tight until
the police get here,
with the world's
largest staple remover.
Come on, baby, you can make it.
Whoa!
I paid retail for this one.
Don't come any closer.
One more step,
and I throw the cubic
zirconium over the bridge.
Don't do anything stupid!
Whoa!
Uh-oh.
Whoa!
Hey whoa!
I'll make a deal with you.
Let me go and you can
keep the cubic zirconium.
Okay.
Really?
No, of course not.
Why don't you just hang out,
until the police come?
I'll get you, stripper
I'll get you,
no matter the cost!
Well, maybe not no
matter the cost,
but you know what I mean!
I'll get you
Nice pivot turn.
Whee!
Look, he tipped me
with $100 bill.
He wrote something on it.
That's so sweet.
Now I can buy that
vibratin' banana I wanted.
Well, one thing's for sure.
Your dad certainly
isn't cheap, oh.
What?
Oh, this that's just an
inside joke, real inside.
In fact, even I
don't understand it.