Superjail! (2007) s01e03 Episode Script
Ladies Night
Oh! Huh? Aahhh! Oh, yeah! Ha ha! Ah-aah! Ah! # Oh, life on the outside ain't what it used to be # # You know, the world's gone crazy # # And it ain't safe on the street # # Oh, we're losing track # # And I know there's only one place to go # # I'm coming home # # Whoa, yeah # # I'm coming home # Aah! Oh, no! Space intruders! Superjail is under attack! Jailbot, attack mode! Don't worry.
This will hurt worse than it tastes.
Intruder alert! Jared, are these what you'd call immigrants? I think they're women, sir.
I'm sorry for the unannounced intrusion, but let me introduce myself.
I am the mistress, head of ultra-prison, the best prison known to man.
Greetings to you.
I'm the warden.
And this is Superjail, the Sorry, warden, but I don't have time for small talk.
One of our carrier ships has malfunctioned, and repairs are necessary.
The least I can do is give you lovely creatures a tour, while my Jailbot helps with the repairs.
Nova, try to work with this retro model and fix the ship.
You want me to try to work with this retro unit? Great.
Listen up, tramps.
Scram, lady! Yeah, beat it, before we beat you.
Corrections, officer Bruce.
I'll take it from here.
I'm Alice, and I'm in charge here.
Then show me to the containment facility.
Aah! Ah, ever since I was a kid, I had dreams of incarceration.
Yeah, I don't dream no time.
You have a nice, little prison here, warden.
Little?! That's only the half of it.
This is the largest prison this side of dimension 5612.
It's cute.
Well, at least my prisoners don't act like wild animals.
This place is a stinky, dirty zoo.
Well, at least my animals act civilized.
I bet you couldn't even get your inmates to act civilized for even one night.
I'll take your bait.
Let's have a grand ball, and whosever inmates act the most civilized will be the winner.
I win your ladies, or you win my Superjail.
Let's shake on it.
Ah ha! Hmm how juvenile.
Charise, we have work to do.
Sir, how are we to refine the inmates by tonight? There's just no time! That's for you to know and you to find out.
This sounds like the most boring ball ever.
Let's make sure we pump it upwards.
Whee.
Fun.
I'm not sure what you're trying to do.
Maybe I can offer you some assistance.
Oh, I think I understand the problem.
Sorry for any confusion.
We are replacing outdated operating systems for more efficient technical support.
That should hold them.
Hey, dude, want to rumble? I'm not a dude.
I'm a lady.
I'll make you a lady.
Aah! Effective but sloppy.
For a more extreme injury, try dislocating the rotator cuff in a counterclockwise motion.
Aahhh! Whatever.
That warden is an overgrown man-child.
Soon, his Superjail will be mine.
I- I think Charise, pedicure! Jacknife, can you find the salad fork? Aahhh! When a gentleman comes up to you, what do you say? Scram, dirt bag! Go eat yourself! - Bite me! - Gadzooks! I had a really nice time.
Maybe we can see each other again.
That's great, Tony.
Rod, what's your response? I'd love to see you again in hell.
Aahhh! Why am I trying to teach these imbeciles manners? Why am I trying to teach these jezebels to be classy ladies? Maybe those books are right.
Maybe I Crave the abuse! Can I show you my favorite spot in Superjail? The pleasure would be all mine.
Hmm.
This party needs a little buzz.
How about some Spanish fly? Oh! I feel hot and bothered! Me too and itchy! This dress is too tight! Let's dance! Sorry, ladies.
He's mine.
Looks like love is in the air.
I don't understand.
Something's wrong.
Aah! My olfactory senses are picking up a scent of a hormonal nature-ture-ture-ture-ture-ture.
A man! Ooh! Aah! Aahhh! Aah! Ooh, give me that hard drive, fella! Aah! This is all your fault! I don't know which one to bite.
At some point, they were both ladies, and that's good enough for me.
What the hell?! What have you done? Oh, warden, don't be such a prude.
Ooh! Ah, I hope you're cream-filled.
Aahhh! Let's get dirty with this mother.
Aah! I call this place the tip, 'cause when I'm about to tip over the edge of insanity, I come here and feel safe and secure.
It's a lovely tip.
This night sure did fly by, didn't it, "J.
" I feel like I've missed you my entire life.
Mmm.
Hmm.
Hmm? Aah! Oh.
What a great night sleep.
Ahh! Thanks for the great sex, loser! Fine.
You win.
I'll gather my staff, and you can keep the ladies.
Oh, no, you're not gonna get away with that one.
Your ladies are too unrefined for such a high-class establishment as Superjail.
Aah! Jared, I just really want to tell you that Charise, let's go.
We have some changes to make with Ultra-prison.
Goodbye, Jared.
I love Jared, back to work.
You're better off without her, Jared.
Girls are nothing more than a pack of hormonally insane vixens.
Dang, I think I bit, like, over 50 ladies last night.
And I'm hungry for more.
Man, if I don't get a lady soon, I'm gonna have to bang the tequila worm.
Hey, boys, rides only a quarter.
This will hurt worse than it tastes.
Intruder alert! Jared, are these what you'd call immigrants? I think they're women, sir.
I'm sorry for the unannounced intrusion, but let me introduce myself.
I am the mistress, head of ultra-prison, the best prison known to man.
Greetings to you.
I'm the warden.
And this is Superjail, the Sorry, warden, but I don't have time for small talk.
One of our carrier ships has malfunctioned, and repairs are necessary.
The least I can do is give you lovely creatures a tour, while my Jailbot helps with the repairs.
Nova, try to work with this retro model and fix the ship.
You want me to try to work with this retro unit? Great.
Listen up, tramps.
Scram, lady! Yeah, beat it, before we beat you.
Corrections, officer Bruce.
I'll take it from here.
I'm Alice, and I'm in charge here.
Then show me to the containment facility.
Aah! Ah, ever since I was a kid, I had dreams of incarceration.
Yeah, I don't dream no time.
You have a nice, little prison here, warden.
Little?! That's only the half of it.
This is the largest prison this side of dimension 5612.
It's cute.
Well, at least my prisoners don't act like wild animals.
This place is a stinky, dirty zoo.
Well, at least my animals act civilized.
I bet you couldn't even get your inmates to act civilized for even one night.
I'll take your bait.
Let's have a grand ball, and whosever inmates act the most civilized will be the winner.
I win your ladies, or you win my Superjail.
Let's shake on it.
Ah ha! Hmm how juvenile.
Charise, we have work to do.
Sir, how are we to refine the inmates by tonight? There's just no time! That's for you to know and you to find out.
This sounds like the most boring ball ever.
Let's make sure we pump it upwards.
Whee.
Fun.
I'm not sure what you're trying to do.
Maybe I can offer you some assistance.
Oh, I think I understand the problem.
Sorry for any confusion.
We are replacing outdated operating systems for more efficient technical support.
That should hold them.
Hey, dude, want to rumble? I'm not a dude.
I'm a lady.
I'll make you a lady.
Aah! Effective but sloppy.
For a more extreme injury, try dislocating the rotator cuff in a counterclockwise motion.
Aahhh! Whatever.
That warden is an overgrown man-child.
Soon, his Superjail will be mine.
I- I think Charise, pedicure! Jacknife, can you find the salad fork? Aahhh! When a gentleman comes up to you, what do you say? Scram, dirt bag! Go eat yourself! - Bite me! - Gadzooks! I had a really nice time.
Maybe we can see each other again.
That's great, Tony.
Rod, what's your response? I'd love to see you again in hell.
Aahhh! Why am I trying to teach these imbeciles manners? Why am I trying to teach these jezebels to be classy ladies? Maybe those books are right.
Maybe I Crave the abuse! Can I show you my favorite spot in Superjail? The pleasure would be all mine.
Hmm.
This party needs a little buzz.
How about some Spanish fly? Oh! I feel hot and bothered! Me too and itchy! This dress is too tight! Let's dance! Sorry, ladies.
He's mine.
Looks like love is in the air.
I don't understand.
Something's wrong.
Aah! My olfactory senses are picking up a scent of a hormonal nature-ture-ture-ture-ture-ture.
A man! Ooh! Aah! Aahhh! Aah! Ooh, give me that hard drive, fella! Aah! This is all your fault! I don't know which one to bite.
At some point, they were both ladies, and that's good enough for me.
What the hell?! What have you done? Oh, warden, don't be such a prude.
Ooh! Ah, I hope you're cream-filled.
Aahhh! Let's get dirty with this mother.
Aah! I call this place the tip, 'cause when I'm about to tip over the edge of insanity, I come here and feel safe and secure.
It's a lovely tip.
This night sure did fly by, didn't it, "J.
" I feel like I've missed you my entire life.
Mmm.
Hmm.
Hmm? Aah! Oh.
What a great night sleep.
Ahh! Thanks for the great sex, loser! Fine.
You win.
I'll gather my staff, and you can keep the ladies.
Oh, no, you're not gonna get away with that one.
Your ladies are too unrefined for such a high-class establishment as Superjail.
Aah! Jared, I just really want to tell you that Charise, let's go.
We have some changes to make with Ultra-prison.
Goodbye, Jared.
I love Jared, back to work.
You're better off without her, Jared.
Girls are nothing more than a pack of hormonally insane vixens.
Dang, I think I bit, like, over 50 ladies last night.
And I'm hungry for more.
Man, if I don't get a lady soon, I'm gonna have to bang the tequila worm.
Hey, boys, rides only a quarter.