Svetlana (2010) s01e03 Episode Script

Svet Look.
Sunrise erection.
Oh my god.
Congratulations.
Can we have sex
in the sauna?
Yes! Absolutely. Let's go.
Before it dies.
The light doesn't
go in that way.
I'm slipping.
I'm slipping.
Okay I'm done.
I'm done.
Hello everybody.
I wanted to talk to you
about some complaints we've been
Getting.
Some the client there saying our
girls are not happy, especially
One of them.
But all of you seem
to be losing steam.
Seem to be dissatisfied
don't have the same vigor.
Vigor.
With t work.
So I think I know
why wish fulfillment.
If you're not happy inside, you
cannot make somebody else happy
Outside.
You know what I mean?
Marina.
Marina.
I have it right here honey or
not going any nonsense on me.
I'm not an idiot.
What is your wish in life?
To fly away on the magic carpet.
Something we do not
have to buy magic carpet.
Something you
want on this earth.
Cold album.
Thank you was that so hard?
I want a phd degree.
Lovely, lovely.
Natasha.
I want to pee too.
We are not urinating now give
me what you want
I wish very much I would sleep
with a black man.
Black men don't like us
because we don't have big butts.
That's why we have
no black clients.
Okay, I wish very much.
I had big butts.
Okay, I can do hook that
up for you.
You promise?
I promise you will have
black guy by sundown.
Can I go now?
One more minute
the cover of vlady.
Then you can go.
What I would like is for
us to go out on a date.
We haven't been out.
Like in 10 years you're
always busy and working.
And you have no money so
I know, but in a little
music a little waltz.
That sounds very nice
we are going on date.
We are?
We are.
I love you.
I love you too.
You know what I want my
wishes to make everybody happy.
I'm happy.
I love all of you.
3, 2, 1.
That was fantastic.
That was freak fridays.
Is that why you came
all away here to america?
To fuck me?
Kind of.
But also know.
I have proposition for you.
I'm married.
I already put it in
your but please.
I have propositions for you.
Talk to me.
Come back to russia,
I have a job for you.
Don't say no don't say no.
Don't say.
Nyet.
Don't Say Nyet.
Hear me out please.
Okay, I'm hearing you out.
Okay.
I have been hired as a
consultant to wonderful new city
In russia.
What is that?
New chernobyl.
New chernobyl?
Is it near chernobyl?
It is chernobyl, same
same place as always.
So they just call it new?
Who wants to go
to old chernobyl?
Hey I got tickets to
lenny kravitz he's playing in
Chernobyl fuck that I love lenny
kravitz, but I'm not gonna gonna
Chernobyl fucking radioactive.
I got tickets to lenny kravitz
is playing new chernobyl.
Where's new chernobyl.
I don't know, not important.
We don't have to
wear lead clothes do we?
Just a little bit fuck it
let's go new chernobyl.
So people buy it?
People think new
chernobyl is like new brunswick?
Fuck yes.
New chernobyl.
Yes.
It has the world's most loose
list.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Ruthless.
Women's gymnastics coach.
What for regionals?
Yes for regionals.
You take the young girls and
here hand, you crush their
Spirits and you get them out on
the balance beam and I kick
Them off and say, get up.
Get up.
Get up you fat little
monster you live on the bar you
Eat on the bar.
You sleep on the bar.
You shit on the bar, but
don't shit on the bar.
Get off the bar.
That was the 80s, and you're
taking lots of pills to make
Your weight.
And I did make weight.
So sexy.
When you were 72 pounds.
71.5.
And then my mother yelled at
me look at you you fit turtle.
And you showed them all.
6 gold medals, but
only because of you.
We were a team
the best team ever.
And the crowd is
chanting for you.
Svetlana.
Svetlana.
Svetlana.
Trust the choreography.
Trust the choreography.
Svetlana.
Svetlana.
Svetlana.
I think we should just copulate
here and then call it a day.
Oh, also up for that.
Can you help us for 1 minute?
What can you do?
You like the movements?
You can touch.
It might be problem right?
Is it fried chicken?
It's firm, though right?
It feel good?
You like it big.
You look terrible.
Too much I knew I told you
too much to pillows too much.
She said she want to make big
big I said, not coffee cup you
Can put the entire dinners set.
Look at you.
Natasha it's not
working I'm sorry.
I think we went to big.
Okay so then let's go home.
Hello how're you?
This my daughter natasha.
I'm natasha on tyler.
He's not black.
Of course these black
what he think he is?
He's more brown actually..
Why is it wise it's a
black when it's brown?
There are shades of brown.
You go to the whole spectrum.
Black brown what's next?
Caramel.
Mocha coffee, cinnamon, decaf.
I like it.
I have a cousin who's
kinda quiet; decaf.
Have a cousin who's
more like frappachino.
Everybody in my family is black.
There are black he does not
have white blood in his family.
I'm close to black
and close to white.
Let me ask you a question.
No sense of humor.
Not much.
She doesn't like sitcom
no sense of irony, no sarcasm
Nothing.
If you say a joke
make it like slapstick.
Like benny hill.
You fall on the floor laugh.
But then you do more like
steven wright no understand.
So keep it easy keep it light.
Where's your diamond?
Where's your bling?
Where's no
diamond and no nothing.
You want a black
man with diamond.
P. Diddy , he wears diamonds.
They're musicians.
I'm not a musician.
Natasha he liked pop dance.
No ballroom dancing.
Go home and hip it up.
Go home and hip hop it up.
I won't let her leave
we've got fried chicken here.
We have the chitlet's.
Will give her the
chitlins shall be happy.
Go into your wardrobe.
Get on the bus.
You are too picky
that's the problem.
I can't get these guys here.
Hello how're you?
No you didn't.
That doesn't look real.
We worked very hard on our
we have limited resources.
You obviously have
limited resources.
That big j.Lo looking thing.
Her's aint real either.
You didn't know that?
Now I thought it was real.
It's fake.
What you doing in my
neck of the woods anyway?
Where trying to get black man.
I've put google blackman
and this is what came up.
You're trying to get what?
She wants
blackman, she has fantasy.
She wants a black man?
How blackman?
You want a black man?
Where trying to explore
everybody's fantasies.
I can get you a black man if
that's what you're looking for.
We had a nice guy here, but
he was too clean for her.
I don't know what you want?
Was his name tray?
No it wasn't.
I can find you a black man, if
that's what you really want.
They freak.
She's used everything
nothing intimidates her.
Nothing.
You want, but have to city
inside, she's like okay?
She'll do anything?
Anything.
How much money you got?
We get paid we don't pay.
Oh, you get paid?
We are st. Petersburg
house of discrete pleasures.
Really?
I tell you one problem I
see you have right now.
Your hands, those
nails ain't working.
I know.
I go to manny peddie, she
was sick this week swine flu
I know big mable she can
hook you and all your girls up.
Really?
You want to go witme.
Yes, we will all go.
Are you ready to go?
No.
Why not?
I want chitterlings
and fried chicken.
We go and then she
goes, fried chicken.
I can take it a big mabel
and she could hook her up and
Chicken eats her damn chicken.
You stay right there
by the chicken girl.
This is it.
Easy easy all right.
Thank you so much.
Give me a hug.
Give me hug.
I had a fantastic time.
I have to go I have
to get ready for date.
Or you can call me?
Maybe.
You promise?
Maybe.
How do you dial the phone,
How do you wipe your butt with
this?
Use his here use
the knuckles girl.
It was so good to see you.
I love my russian friend.
Were gonna get your hair done.
Okay.
I'll see you.
You know, they have to make
device that takes lipstick off
Of teeth and then
we can patent it.
We can make lots of money.
Look how hot you are.
You look antonio banderas.
Hola, que tal?
I'm like melanie
griffith, without the surgery.
You know he looked especially
like the son of god in this
Light.
You're so sweet
But he died to look like you.
Look smurf testicles.
Look at that.
Al my balls.
I hope natasha's
doing okay down there.
I left her alone, she
said, let me get some action.
I said, you get your hip-hop.
And I get to my hip-hop.
Tell her she has any
problems just text me.
You never check your text.
He get it 3 days later.
You go yes, there was a question
I asked her on Monday you answer
Me him Thursday.
That's how long it
takes for it to get me.
It takes long and close company.
Close the provider.
I know, but look,
we have family plan.
They tried to mess with us.
Speaking of family mom called.
I think you man farted.
Unbelievable.
What up bitch?
What's up shortly?
How you doing?
How do drink this.
I don't know.
My mom said.
Your mom drink the ocean of
absolute she doesn't even drink
Her own vodka.
She's like spigot.
Enough let's close the spigot.
It's only 2400.
What is she do with this money?
New wheelchair?
Gold plated turbo.
Like a vespa.
Ichka I don't believe it.
Unbelievable.
What are you doing here?
Wow.
20 years I haven't seen you.
Stop younger than that.
What are you doing here?
Kids.
Watch out liver.
You?
Prostitution.
My destiny.
Fantastic body.
Look at you.
Look at you.
You look like a cigarette.
I look at you and
I want to smoke.
Cigarette.
I can't wait to get a cigarette.
She's not american.
One cigarette okay just one.
Say what gone on girl with
the brown sugar like you?
Brown sugar.
She's not even brown.
What's the matter?
Just had a rough day.
It didn't work out.
Nobody likes my butt.
Nobody saw your, but,
they saw this thing.
You're more beautiful than that
your beautiful the way you are.
Your beautiful the
way you are too.
You know, I think you are black.
Natasha like.
Tyler like.
Will you come with
me and call my mama?
Yes.
What is going on?
Would do you mean,
what is going on?
I leave you for 5 minutes and
you end up dancing with the
Hands on the but.
What the hell are you
doing smoking with some guy?
Some guy?
Patters old friends
from 30 years ago.
You're googling with him.
What?
I went to smoke a cigarette.
It's not the same thing.
We went out together the
2 of us it was a date.
You don't like me to smoke so I
smoke outside, I don't want to
Smoke in your face.
You're not jealous guy.
I'm a whore I sleep and 50 guys
the day and it bothers you that
I have a cigarette.
I don't know who he is
from somewhere, ever.
He was a slave laborer.
Come on, vlady
you're the only guy.
Of course am sorry I
left for cigarette.
I have is cards it
gave me his card.
Nice.
Come here, I'm sorry.
Don't disappear
inside the dress.
Goodnight.
Svetlana.
Svetlana give me a call.
You want another one?
Hi tyler.
Don't worry I'm not
encouraging stereotypes.
But you better be stereotyped
because she's expecting scud
Missile.
I'm sorry to hear that.
She won't know the difference.
Good luck.
Okay bye-bye.
She is in for a surprise.
Disappointment, but it's okay.
She'll get over it.