Tangled: The Series (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

1 (theme song playing) I got the wind in my hair and a fire within 'Cause there's something beginning I got a mystery to solve and excitement to spare Got a beautiful breeze blowing through I'm ready to follow it who knows where And I'll get there I swear With the wind in my hair Okay, guys, wait for it.
How's this? Hmm, too bohemian.
Ugh.
What about this? (squeaks) Way too uptight.
Mm-hmm? Too Lighten up, Cass.
It's just a painting.
It's more than a painting, Eugene.
This is the princess's royal portrait.
(scoffs) She's right.
I mean, every one of these portraits says something about what made that particular king or queen unique.
It's tradition, and she's gotta decide on her look soon.
The Giovanni gets here in two days, and from what I hear, that guy is as famous for his temper as he is for his art.
Well, look at this guy.
He's not doing anything, and he seems pretty happy.
Whoa! Careful! These paintings are priceless, especially that one.
That's the only known painting of Robin XI.
Wait.
This kingdom had 11 Robins? Nope.
Just this dud.
Cassandra: They called him Robin XI because the only thing interesting about was that he had Nine, ten.
Eleven fingers.
That's right.
I remember reading about him.
Listen, Raps, if you're trying to find your defining activity, don't listen to this dud whose whole work history is being a two-bit hood.
(laughing) Two-bit hood? Hold the pastry! I'll have you know, Cassandra, Flynn Rider was a légende.
(laughs) Key word being "was.
" And what is it you do now? I, uh I do many things.
You know, important things.
So important, you wouldn't understand them.
Sometimes, I don't even understand them.
Tell her, Blondie.
Hmm.
What? (scoffs) Can you believe that Cassandra? Two-bit hood? I mean, she acts like the only things I've ever been good at are lying, cheating, and stealing.
Which, in fairness, I am very good at.
All: Hmm.
So you guys agree with Cassandra? No, no, no, no, no.
We don't (emphatically) agree with her.
We've simply arrived at a Well, um, nearly identical assessment, is all.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I see how it is.
You know, I am capable of being more than a handsome, devil-may-care rogue.
In fact, I can be a handsome, devil-may-care anything I want.
Maybe I'll just have to find a way to prove it.
Boys, Eugene Fitzherbert is gonna find his new calling.
All: Hmm.
Does no one in this kingdom have an attention span? Come on! Well, you said bake the pie at 300 degrees for an hour, but I figured save time and do 600 degrees for a half hour.
Math! Hey! Oh! (wheels screech) Thank you.
- Hyah! - (woman exclaiming) Record time! (groaning) Hyah! But this isn't my house.
Impressive cobblering.
Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute! Now I know where I know you.
You stole a crate of boots once.
(grunts) Does this mean I'm getting the boot? No, it means you're getting fired.
(croaking) (yawns) - (door slams) - (exclaiming) Who knew having a job would be so much work? (sighs) I mean, what with all those rules and responsibilities.
You should have heard some of these guys I worked for.
It's like, "Hey, buddy, who died and made you boss?" (sighs) Maybe Cassandra was right.
Ugh! Just saying those four words sent bile into my mouth, down the throat Oh, that (shudders) Yuck! But it's true.
Maybe the only thing I was meant to be was a Woman: Thief! Stop! Thief! I know where he's headed.
I know where he's headed! Guys, he's headed for the dock.
We'll handle this, Rider.
And besides, he ran in the opposite direction, genius! No one calls me genius and gets away with it! (grunts) (scoffs) Amateur.
Rider, what are you doing here? Well, Captain, I don't wanna say I just did your job for you, but I just did your job for you.
It was the old distract-and-run-to- the-dock-to-catch-the-last-ferry tactic.
I know because I invented it.
Nice hustle, though.
Keep your chin up.
I don't believe it.
Flynn Rider on the side of law and order.
You're gonna become a Royal Guard? It makes total sense, right? I tried to have a normal job, but I'm just not great with authority.
Being a guard, I am the authority.
Plus, I'd look great in a uniform.
What's all this? (sighs) I was having a lot of trouble picking just one interest for my portrait, and then, it hit me.
I'll pose doing all of them, right? What do you think? Hmm.
- Pascal? - (croaks) Maybe not your best idea, but, but I've heard worse.
Like you becoming a Royal Guard? (stammers) How long have you been standing there? Long enough to know you're about to make a fool of yourself.
You really think you have what it takes to be a guard? Hmm, let me think.
Superior athletic ability, razor-sharp acumen, impressive stature, making guards all around the world, including Corona, look like bozos for decades.
Yeah, I think I can swing it.
You wanna know what I think? That I care what you think? (laughing) Let me save you the trouble.
I don't.
I bet you don't even make it through basic training.
(scoffs) Training? What, like school? I was great in school.
Easiest three days of my life.
Who's the teacher anyway? Cassandra: My dad.
All right, maggots, line up! (growls) This boot camp will push you to your very limits.
By the time I'm through, you'll be sweating tears and crying sweat.
But if you make it through camp and pass the final exam (yawns, smacks lips) (laughs) And for some of you, that's a highly unlikely if, you will receive probationary trainee status.
Shorty, what are you doing here? I'm sorry.
Is this the line for the men's room? Well, well, looks like I got a couple of aces in the mix.
Captain, sir, I know we've had our differences, but I'd just like to say Quiet, maggot! You are a loathsome, pathetic excuse for a human being, and it is my full intention to make your life a living nightmare.
You know, I've never said this to another man, but you have handsome teeth.
(whistle trills) (grunting) (grunting) (bird screeching) (whistle trills) (grunting) (nickers) Whoa! (laughing) Crossbow procedure number one, Rider.
Always keep the safety on.
(nickering) (grunting) (grunting) (straining) Come on.
Not fair.
(exclaiming) (guards laughing) Rapunzel: All right, Pascal, I think this is everything.
Okay, we're gonna be more than ready for The Giovanni tomorrow morning.
(sighs deeply) (gasps) Oops! (exclaims) Darling, is everything okay? (laughs) Let me guess.
Your portrait? Let me show you something.
Oh! (giggling) Sorry.
Mom, come on.
It's just (sighs) Horrible? Yes, horrible.
It's horrible.
(laughs) My point is, we're not always defined by the things we can do, Rapunzel, but rather by the people we are.
That's what your portrait should communicate.
(chitters) (laughs) I know.
I know.
Don't be so smug, Pascal.
Cassandra: Ready to give up? (laughs wryly) Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you? Honestly, I don't care.
Look, it doesn't matter anyway, okay? No matter how hard I try on that final tomorrow, your dad will cook up some cheap shot to make sure I fail.
He wants me out, end of story.
You know, for someone who spent most of his life breaking the rules to get what he wants, you're having an awful lot of trouble dealing with someone who is breaking the rules to get what he wants.
(snoring) (sighs exasperatedly) Where is Eugene? The rules are simple.
Obstacle course.
Whistle.
Complete the course before the whistle blows.
Is that clear? Actually, sir, can you go through that one more time? It's just my brain is so used to tuning your voice out that I Line up, Rider.
I can't believe you made it this far.
But I'm glad you did.
Because I made this course especially difficult just for you.
I'm touched.
Get off me! Go! (snoring) (Shorty snores, grunts) (exclaims) (growls) (grunting) (grunting) (exclaims triumphantly) (panting) (chuckling) Hup! Ho! (exclaims) Huh? Almost forgot something.
(snoring) Someone had to make this challenging.
(sniffs) Oh.
You never did find that men's room, did you, Shorty? Ha! You lose! (laughing) - Where's my - (whistle trilling) Complete the course before the whistle blows, right? Look at that.
I can follow rules.
I'll take a medium uniform, sir, athletic fit.
(cheering) (whinnies) Hey, Pete, look alive.
This must be the guy.
Look at him.
Mister, uh, The Giovanni.
The John-a-vanni Johnny-Johnny.
Johnny, welcome! Corona is happy to have you.
Yeah, well, at least someone is happy.
Now, where's Princess come si chiama? Uh, she'll be here shortly.
The Giovanni, he don't like to wait.
Now, leave me here.
Ah.
Maybe The Giovanni, he learn something by studying how not to paint.
Hey! Nice! Reporting for duty, Cap.
What do you got, huh? (chuckles) Bad guys to be nabbed? Mysteries to be solved? I'm ready for anything.
(mice squeaking) Dungeon duty.
Great.
This is your post.
That main entrance is to remain locked at all times.
You are to patrol this entire block every five minutes.
Do you understand? There's only one prisoner? Do you understand? Yeah, but I just thought, you know, given my skill set, it would make more sense for me to be running and jumping.
You're not being paid to think, Rider.
Every five minutes.
Hey.
It's about time! Sorry, The Giovanni, I was, um The Giovanni, he doesn't care! Now, how you wanna look? Oh, um, I thought that I would keep it simple.
(chuckles) Huh? She gonna pose with nothing? (exclaims in Italian) Don't blame The Giovanni when the painting, she's no good.
Oh.
Okay.
I definitely won't.
Hmm.
The Giovanni.
Can I call you The? You're the best.
Hey, Blondie, I see you went with the simple choice of beautiful.
Aw! Thank you.
At least someone thinks so.
Wait.
What are you doing here? Cass said you had dungeon duty.
Oh, I do.
The Cap told me to walk the block once every five minutes, but it just seemed like a waste standing there.
So, I walked it twice in a row, and now, I can take a 10-minute break.
Math.
Yeah, uh, I don't think that's right.
Oh, no, no, trust me, Blondie.
I worked it all out in the old brainium.
(grumbling) You go now! (exclaiming in Italian) What did you say? (speaking in Italian) I can no concentrate.
Captain: Rider, where are you? Eugene: He escaped? How? Apparently, someone didn't follow regulation and left the main door unlocked, so they could go to visit their girlfriend.
Gah! Math! And because of your delinquency, the prisoner was able to seize the opportunity to pick his cell lock and escape! Uh, I know this looks bad.
You bet it does.
Turn in your helmet and shield, hotshot.
You're off the Guard.
Aw, I should have just done what I was asked.
So stupid! (sniffing) Why don't you drown your sorrows in a yam? Uh, thanks, buddy, but I filled up on yams earlier.
Who wants to be a guard anyway? Right? All those responsibilities and rules.
Plus, the Captain is a total Whoa! So sorry, the Giovanni.
Let me help.
Ugh! (grumbles) (speaking in Italian) Watch where you're going.
Something smells fishy.
That would be me.
Hey, Blondie.
Portrait is done already.
That's great.
That was quick.
How did it turn out? Holy horribleness! I don't know.
I don't get it.
It's just Mmm.
Really bad.
Right? Yeah, I'd say.
That is really terrible.
Some world-famous artist! I could do a better (gasps) I gotta go see the captain.
Look, Cap, I know I'm not on your good side, but the portrait of Robin XI has been stolen.
No, it hasn't.
You wanna know why it hasn't? Because my men can adhere to procedures.
Procedure dictates that the gallery be patrolled every five minutes.
Stan? Pete? Um, sorry, Eugene.
We just checked two seconds before you arrived.
Everything was fine.
But it's a counterfeit! Enough! Get lost before I lock you up.
Come on, Shorty.
We're just gonna have to stop him on our own.
Not totally on your own.
Cassandra? You believe me? You may be an arrogant, self-centered, inconsiderate Poorly-dressed.
bloviating, tremendous waste of space windbag Okay, okay, can we just cut to the "but" in this sentence? But I'm guessing you didn't become a legend by not trusting your gut.
So if you say something is not right, (reluctantly) I might believe it.
Cass, I Plus, if you are wrong and fall flat on your face, I'll be the first to see it.
I can work with that.
Okay.
Come on.
I think I know where he's headed.
Uh Wait.
What are we doing again? Sir, we found this nut by the palace gate.
- You want us to lock him up? - (muffled shouting) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Slow down.
Who are you? (shouting in Italian) I am the real The Giovanni.
(Giovanni shouting in Italian) Ten fingers.
- Captain, that means Eugene was - Don't you dare finish that sentence.
Now, come on.
He's gonna try to catch the last ferry out of Corona.
Hyah! (whinnying) (exclaiming) I'm sure that my beard can be used as a float I got it.
It's just you and me, Max.
(grunting) Arrivederci, baby.
It means "goodbye.
" Huh? Crossbow procedure number one.
Always keep the safety on.
(whinnying) On it.
Yeah, baby! Huh.
Actually saved by one of the Captain's dumb rules.
Don't you dare tell him.
The last thing I want is to see the guy get a big head.
(whinnying angrily) See, I knew something was up when he cursed me out.
His Italian was terrible.
(laughing) Subject-verb agreement was way off.
What? I speak Italian.
They have stuff to steal in Italy, too, you know.
Anyway, the rest was just putting the pieces together.
You see, you gotta think like a crook in order to catch one.
You just can't teach that, Cap.
Perhaps I acted precipitously when I dismissed you, Rider.
Ah, let me guess.
You want me to join the Guard again.
Well, I'm flattered, but (laughing) Oh, no.
Heavens, no! You're a terrible guard, Rider.
But I do have something else in mind.
Ahem.
Good afternoon, gentlemen, and welcome to Thinking Like a Thief.
I am your instructor, Eugene Fitzherbert.
You may call me Mr.
Fitzherbert.
No.
Wait.
Professor Fitzherbert.
Let's add an "honorable" in there.
The Honorable Professor Fitzherbert.
Esquire.
Masks on.
(gasps) Take the women and children! Don't hurt the money! - (screaming) - Shorty, wait.
Shorty, it's me.
Eugene: Come back! Wow! My dad has no idea what he just unleashed.
Meh, all is well that ends well, I guess.
Now, are you sure you didn't want the real Giovanni to paint your portrait? Yeah.
I had a better idea of how I wanted it.
See, a wise person once told me, we're not always defined by the things we can do, but rather by the people we are and by those we love.
(theme song playing) Now I got my eyes opening wider My heart burning like fire Feels like I'm so alive I'm never going back Whatever I want now I'm gonna chase Who I am I can't contain I'm not gonna hold it in There's more of me to give - Oh-oh, oh-oh - Oh, yeah There's more of me to give