Taskmaster (2015) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Hello. I'm Greg Davies and
this is Taskmaster.
Like you, I enjoy making people
do the jobs I don't want to do.
Especially when those people
are famous comedians,
and the jobs are
absolutely ludicrous.
So, over the course of
several months,
several top comedians
have been doing
some spectacularly
odd tasks for me.
They have no idea how each
other did, but they will soon find out.
Let's see who they are.
He's recently been awarded an OBE,
we presume, because this is
gonna be repeated, realistically.
Mr. Frank Skinner!
He's got rosy cheeks, curly hair,
and a very successful career.
It's Josh Widdicombe.
She has genuinely over 40,000
unread emails in her inbox
because she is bad at
certain aspects of life.
It's Roisin Conaty.
He used to be happy, but since we've
been filming this show, he's not any more.
It's Romesh Ranganathan.
He gets asked to do a lot of voiceover
work, but I think his face is fine.
It's Tim Key.
As always I will be
assisted and encouraged
by my assistant, Alex Horne.
Alex, please remind us of the first task.
OK. The first task, as always,
is the prize task.
Each contestant has brought
in one of their own
personal possessions
for the prize haul.
And this time you've asked them to
bring in their most meaningful item.
Tim, you get to pitch
to me first. Hit me.
Um, I brought in a piston.
OK, well, you know I
like to give people a chance
to justify their decisions,
but I will say this.
- It's shit. Go on.
- Yeah.
As you know, I won the Edinburgh
Comedy Award in 2009
Doesn't necessarily translate
into TV work, does it?
Well, hang on.
To be fair, it's only
been six years.
Anyway, the point being, when I did
my show, I was very proud of my show,
and it was kind of quite an
emotional thing to win it.
And on my show, it was
scattered with all these
weird and wonderful props,
like fridges. Stuff like that.
But I couldn't really keep it,
because I didn't have a flat of my own.
So I got rid of everything from
the show, apart from my piston.
And so the piston is very
important to me,
it means a lot to me,
and I'm putting that up
into the prize gallery.
Now I feel like a total shit.
Romesh, we haven't
actually exchanged
any words and you look
furious with me already.
Backstage, you know, I gave Romesh
a little encouraging tap on the nose.
I went, "Boop!" and who
wouldn't like that?
I went, "Good luck, everyone.
Boop!" to Romesh,
and he went, "What the
fuck was that?"
But what the fuck was that, man?
Romesh, what have you
brought and why?
I have brought in something
that's fairly meaningful to me.
- OK.
- Uh, it's my wedding ring.
- Wooo!
- Jesus!
Can I just-- It is genuinely
your wedding ring?
- Yes, that is genuinely my wedding ring.
- Does your wife know?
She doesn't Well
Is that a no?
No, she doesn't.
She doesn't know.
All of these prizes are
absolutely genuine,
and the winner of this show
will take the prizes home.
So Romesh could lose
his own wedding ring.
I am in genuinely deep trouble if
that doesn't come home with me.
So am I, if I turn up
in it tonight.
Roisin, what have you brought
in that's meaningful?
I have brought in a dictionary.
- Oh, what? That is the worst!
- Oh, God.
It's not, actually. There's
more meaning in that
than in his rubbish ring
and his fake piston.
Oh dear, Roisin. Ugh.
- Don't hit her!
- Come here.
Boop!
To be fair, it is the present
so far that I most want.
Thank you.
I'm sure Romesh's wife will
be delighted to hear that.
Josh, what did you bring in?
In the mid to late nineties,
my father started writing
a string of angry letters
to the local newspaper,
which no publisher wanted
to make into a book.
- So he got it published himself.
- Oh, no.
I Blame the Beatles
by Tom Widdicombe.
And you thought the dictionary
would be the most boring book around.
And it is the only copy I've got,
which is a personalised
book from my father.
Have you read it, Josh?
You've not read your
own dad's book.
- So meaningful!
- What is your problem?
No, I have read it,
I have read it.
It's-- it's a real slice of life.
Wow, now there's the quote
for the back cover.
What did you bring, Frank?
I brought in my small
child's hobby horse.
This means a great deal to me
because when I was a child,
I really, really wanted
a hobby horse.
They'd just been invented.
And my family could only
afford to get me the stick.
To me, it means, because I've
got more money than my dad had
I'm able to give him
something I didn't have.
I actually had to sneak it out
of the house to bring it here,
because he plays
with it every day.
So he'll be at home now, going
"Lump of sugar?"
There's two ways you're looking
at this, isn't there.
There's the sweet part
of you that felt
you didn't have a
proper hobby horse
so you bought your son one.
But then you thought, "No."
"Why should he have one?"
And you took it back off him.
And now you've got a four
in five chance of losing it.
You've got to speculate
to accumulate.
This time tomorrow, he might be
riding around the garden on a piston.
In fifth place, it'll be Roisin
Conaty, obviously.
Fourth, I'm going to put
Josh's dad's book in.
Oh, what?!
A gift from my dad,
who I no longer speak to?
I know for a fact it's
not that way around.
He won't speak to you 'cause you
didn't read his fucking book.
Third, I'm gonna put the piston,
because it's a piston.
Second for Frank.
And, you know, how
can I deny someone
who is actively trying to wreck
his own marriage on television?
The winner of the first task tonight:
Romesh Ranganathan.
This is how the leaderboard
is looking at the moment.
There we go, Romesh.
You're in the lead.
Fantastic, and all the meaningful
prizes are up there,
if you want to gaze at the absolute
tat that these people could take home.
They're in the box up there.
Not necessarily meaningful
to you, but still.
You could always sell the
wedding ring and buy a fridge.
OK, what's our first
proper task tonight?
Well, let's have a look.
I slightly struggled with
the door handle there.
I wondered if that
might be the task.
Big fan of tea, so this is a
real boost to me. Right.
"Throw a teabag into a mug
from the furthest distance."
"You have exactly one hour.
Your time starts now."
I reckon I'll be pretty
good at this.
Played a lot of cricket
in my youth.
What's the longest
part of the house?
But how will I get it into the--
I'm just thinking about length, I'm
not thinking about any accuracy.
What's the longest
part of the house?
I've grouped Romesh, Roisin
and Frank together.
- Do you want to see how they did it?
- Oh, God, yes.
The key, clearly, is that
you want wet teabags.
Dry teabags Rubbish.
Let's do this!
I've only brought out one
teabag.
Let's just see where
I am as an average.
No
Wet it! I need to wet it!
What if I put loads of teacups
around and just increased my chances?
That's I reckon that's the
best way of doing it.
Oh, God.
You kidding me? What's
Fffff-- fff-- fuck you!
That's the first one in.
Just to clarify, it's the furthest distance
for me to throw a teabag into a mug?
Yeah.
So it doesn't necessarily
mean horizontally.
Yes! It was there.
Straight in. It's five
metres exactly.
It's infallible!
Fuck you! Oh, my God!
The last batch of squares I've got
and then I'm gonna have to start
tidying them up like a chump.
And then reuse them again. I didn't
think I was gonna get to this point.
There's so many of 'em.
I have to say, when
I picture the others,
I don't see them getting
this kind of distance.
Poets. Girls.
Some will take the first 45 minutes
realising it's better if they're wet.
Just realised I should
probably wet them.
Quite late to discover that
and make that realisation.
Unbelievable. So good to
discover this so late on.
I mean, it's added so much to
the distance, it's rendered
everything we've done up to this
point completely irrelevant.
There. I've just moved my hand a little
bit, but it's there. It's in the mug.
Come on!
What, mate?
This worst thing about it was,
I regretted it, but I thought,
"God, I wonder if anyone else has
figured out about wetting the teabags?"
But they had done, within
30 seconds of the task starting.
Oh, within a heartbeat.
Even the person whose
first question was
"What's the longest part
of the house?"
realised quickly that
she had to wet it.
Yeah, it's not I'm not
proud of what happened.
What distance did Romesh get?
Was it impressive?
It was about eight and a half
dogs. I've measured it
Well, if, um
I've done a system of eight and a half
dogs, presuming a dog is a metre long.
- So eight and a half metres.
- How many dogs did Roisin do?
Two point four dogs.
It was very accurate,
and it wasn't the best,
or second or third or fourth best.
Frank, amazing structure.
Presumably a good distance?
He was ten! Ten point
zero four metres.
Can I just ask a question?
Where did he get the box from?
There was no box like that
available when I was doing it.
There was definitely
a box available.
There was no box, mate.
I'm telling you now,
there was no box.
There was a box available, you
just haven't got box-searching skills.
Also, you couldn't work out
whether to wet the teabags.
Do you really think you would've
come up with the box idea?
I didn't even have taps for my
one. I had to urinate on my teabags.
That's the lack of
facilities I was given.
I don't know what kind of
game you're running here,
but I'm not happy
about it, alright?
That's a very impressive performance,
and so comforting to know that
two of the three people know
what a box looks like.
There was no box, mate!
Boop!
That's better!
Time for a quick break.
See you ludicrously soon.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Now, where were we?
Frank is in the lead at the moment.
Shall we have a look at Josh?
Yeah, let's have a look at Josh.
I would argue a mug is a
receptacle larger than a cup,
that you drink tea out of,
with a handle.
So, if I was to drink
tea out of this
before the end of the hour
to prove it was a mug,
then I think I've
got myself a mug.
I'll just attach the
handle like that.
So I've got two mugs there.
Teabag taped to a golf ball.
Ooh!
Well, it went in, but
it didn't stay in.
- Definitely still a mug?
- Yeah, of course it is!
Ask me if it's a mug when we share
a cup of tea out of it later on, mate.
Box.
Is the handle
still attached? Yes.
Is it still a mug? Yes!
If he was to dispute
whether it was a mug
I don't think you should
dispute it's a mug
but you've got to cover yourself
against these things, haven't you?
Come on!
Oh!
Right, tea. To prove that it is a mug,
we're gonna have high tea from the mug.
I don't think I can imagine
it's a mug until I see you
Yeah, I'm gonna drink the tea!
A lovely cup
of British tea.
Thank you, Josh.
Thanks for the tea.
It's alright, mate.
Lovely.
I couldn't get a box.
He's got a wheel--
It's like a bloody B&Q warehouse
when he's doing it.
You've just got to look!
"I need golf balls, I
need a specialist mug construction set!"
It's just an absolute, like--
It's unbelievable!
I couldn't believe how
much stuff there was there, man.
All of those things were
available to you.
No, they weren't, mate.
No, they weren't.
How far did Josh throw the
teabag, first of all?
OK, well, the distance was
15 metres and 10 centimetres.
Is it in a mug?
That's up to you.
Josh, is your definition of a mug
"anything with a handle Sellotaped to it"?
No, my definition of a mug is "someone
that can't find a box in that house".
OK, here's my judgment, uh
Before we even see Tim,
I'm disqualifying you.
Unbelievable.
But I'm not disqualifying you
because a wheelbarrow isn't a mug.
I'm disqualifying you because
you put the milk in first.
Alex, shall we see if Tim Key
entered the spirit of the competition?
OK, here is Mr. Tim Key's attempt.
Well, I'd like a
I'd like a catapult.
But the other thing I want
is one of those things
that you throw balls with
if you're a dog owner.
And also, sorry, can
I get a tennis ball?
So I worry I'm not gonna be
accurate over, like, 50 metres.
So what I need to do,
in addition,
is build some kind of
thing with a sheet
which is like a, um,
like a cup funnel.
Where if the ball hits, I just have to
hit the sheet and it'll go into the cup.
- Tim?
- Have you got a tennis ball?
Yeah, there's a tennis ball in there.
Thank you?
Give us some facts and figures.
Well, it was a new world
record, presumably.
It was 23 metres and
87 centimetres.
It was the first throw.
First throw.
This is an open and shut case. The winner
of the first task tonight: Mr. Tim Key.
So, Alex, you're in charge of the
numbers because of your character.
What are the scores?
So, it's exciting for me.
There is a three-way tie for the lead.
As you can see here,
there are three on eight.
Tim Key, Frank Skinner and Romesh.
Outstanding. What's next, Alex?
It's a sort of art exercise task.
It's like jazzercise with art.
It's fine, it's fine. It's here.
"Using this device to
track your route"
That device?
"Create the best image
for Taskmaster."
"You have one hour. Your time
starts when you take your first step."
"Pop a balloon to signal that you
have finished your image."
What?
You're probably not the only
person who's confused by this.
Alex, do you want to explain very
clearly what this is about?
Well, I'll try. We gave the contestants
a GPS tracking device,
so where they moved, there
would be a little line following them.
It's a bit like Etch A Sketch,
but on a larger scale. OK?
- Who do you want to see first?
- D'you know, I'd like to see Josh first.
OK, let's have a look at Josh.
This is a lot tougher than I
thought it was gonna be.
I'll tell you something for free.
That white line's not straight,
judging by the satellite.
Someone needs to have a word
with their groundsman.
You can't do much detail.
That's what I've learnt.
I've slightly messed up and I may
have to go into that person's house.
But great art comes at a
cost, I've always heard.
Come on, colour in, you fucker.
Yes!
I hate popping balloons.
Talk about redeeming yourself.
It's absolutely incredible.
Oh, thank you, Greg.
Do you know how I would
deliver that to you?
Via wheelbarrow.
Who shall we see next?
Roisin knows you slightly better,
so she chose to draw something
that she thought you really liked.
- Ahh.
- OK?
Maybe I'll draw
a sausage?
Who doesn't like sausages?
There's not enough
pictures of sausages.
I'm at the point of no return here.
I've made a model of a pregnant lady.
Maybe that's what Greg's into.
Who doesn't like pregnant ladies?
He'd be hard-pushed to criticise that.
I'm just sort of Tracey Emin-ing it.
Going with how I feel.
Seeing what happens.
Making some shapes.
I'm back.
I've decided it's a
bunch of flowers.
It's finished.
I mean, you've got
to end somewhere.
Yep.
There's only so many times I
can turn one drawing into another.
So, it started off as a sausage,
then you changed to
bacon pretty quickly.
The high point, I think,
was the pregnant lady.
You see the pregnant lady
with a tail. That wasn't bad.
Then I tried to turn it
into an angel.
Yeah, you went for the
Angel of the North,
but it it swiftly
ended up as that.
And you're calling that
a bunch of tulips.
- Yeah, it's a bunch of tulips.
- You made several errors there.
You said, "I'll turn it
into a pregnant lady,
he'll be hard-pushed
to criticise that."
I'm one of the few people in the world
who despises the pregnant community.
It's true, he's always
going on about it.
Ooh, coming in here, taking up
more than your fair share of space.
I hate to be the guy
to break it to you,
but it's now time for
the commercial break.
I'm so sorry.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where nobody can quite believe
that Romesh has made his
wedding ring available as a prize.
Are you putting your testicles
into the next show?
Scripted joke.
I presume Tim Key, as a poet,
he'll have some more artistic skills.
Tim's was sort of the
standout performance,
and I don't know if that's
a good thing yet.
What have the others drawn?
It's very bad conditions for art.
He seemed to cover a hell
of a distance, didn't he?
It was very impressive.
He did it for the whole hour,
and he ran well over three miles.
It's a long painting.
What is it?
Well, firstly, can I just say that
was the worst hour of my life.
Secondly, I started off
trying to draw a key,
then I crossed it out.
And then I literally thought, well
I mean, I've got half an hour,
I may as well go for a run.
Frank completed his picture in
eight minutes, just so you know.
- Do you want to see it?
- Yes.
OK, his and Romesh are grouped
together. This is them.
Didn't allow for the goals.
It is a slight problem.
Not gone the way I'd hoped,
early doors, I'll be honest with you.
This is a lot more difficult than
I thought it was gonna be.
Er That's alright.
I'm just gonna have to
make the best of this.
The balloons aren't helping,
by the way.
Just as a little tip.
This is just my rough draft.
Gonna pop a balloon.
I've only gone and framed it,
mate. Smashed it.
It's got a flipping border
on it, yeah?
- What is it?
- It's actually my son's hobby horse.
Ahhh
Romesh. Incredibly accurate
self-portrait, right?
I thought that you'd like
a picture of me.
We've really got on on
this show, haven't we?
Are those oblongs your ears?
That was supposed to be the frame
Hold on, this isn't
you in a cardboard box?
Don't applaud, don't applaud that.
It's not funny.
You're celebrating the persecution
of one of the members of the show.
It was meant to be a
dig at the homeless.
D'you know, if we could just take
them and the pregnant people down,
this'd be a better world, right?
Oh, I mean, it's a fatal
mistake, Romesh.
It's a really good painting, but why
on earth do I want a picture of you?
It's absolutely fucking
preposterous.
I'm going to score them
in reverse order.
Obviously, Sausage Girl is last.
Have you seen Frank's?!
That looks like a hobby horse!
- It does look like a hobby horse.
- Come on!
I've got tulips, and the
Angel of the North, and
Yours looks like a
duck in a golf bag.
Just to make it absolutely clear,
if you'd have told me that was a
drawing of a duck in a golf bag,
you'd be right at the
top of the pile now.
Fourth, Frank. Third, Tim Key.
- I've no idea what it is, mate.
- I was doing mine in a storm.
I should give you a bonus
point for risking your life,
but I'm not going to.
Romesh, I don't want that, and
I never want to see it again,
but I have to recognise
it's actually a picture.
Therefore, I'm gonna put
you in second place,
and I'll thank you to
give me a smile.
Yeah, yeah Oh!
Boop!
Now the party's started.
And the winner of that task,
the only artist in the group.
The wonderful Mr. Josh
Widdicombe wins the task.
OK. Quick check on the scores,
please, Alex Horne?
OK, so the top three
Romesh Ranganathan's
in first place,
followed by Tim Key,
then Frank Skinner.
A very exciting task next.
Let's have a look.
Oi oi.
Money!
Oh, my word. £20.
"Buy the best present
for the Taskmaster."
"Here is £20."
"You have ten weeks."
"Your time starts now."
Hmm. I know exactly what
to buy that goon.
So it doesn't say I have to
buy with the £20, does it?
So it could be "buy the best
present for the Taskmaster"
as in, like
a Jeep.
And then here's £20.
I want you to know now that if
any of them have bought me a Jeep,
they've definitely won.
Yes!
Let's go. Tim?
- Yeah, but
- Can I have your lovely gift?
Yeah, sure. But I worry that usually
if you go first, it's the shittest one.
- Yeah, that is generally the way this series has
- But I'm quietly confident.
What a small Jeep!
- Could be the keys for a Jeep, right?
- Yeah
It could be. Thin keys.
That's your stage name, innit?
Used to be!
He's bought me some
National Book Tokens.
Let me guess, 20 quid's worth.
Sixteen pounds' worth.
The card. The card was four.
- No, no way is that a £4 card.
- That was four, yeah.
Thanks very much.
You definitely haven't won.
I'd like Frank's gift now,
if that's alright.
Thank you very much.
Looks like a glasses case.
It is a glasses case.
Bam.
Now, do you notice anything special?
Yeah. This.
Yeah, if-- That--
- Oh, I can notice something special!
- Yes, yes, yes! Now it's happening!
These glasses have got
wing mirrors on them!
So I can see behind me!
They are see-behind-me sunglasses.
Oh, my God.
I absolutely love them.
And the main use of them,
of course, is I'll be able to see
if there's any of those bastard
pregnant women behind me.
I mean, I can't believe
they're gonna get beaten.
I absolutely love them.
Thank you very much.
Hm, let's have a look at Romesh's.
- Thanks, mate.
- Really hope you like it.
I commissioned this piece for you.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
I just genuinely don't know
It's amazing.
Romesh, did you draw it
while walking around a field?
What's with the duck feet?
I wanted to show that
you were all-terrain.
You got him the Jeep!
Next best thing to a Jeep,
I was about to say. Nice.
So, you know, you could
handle any sort of situation.
Even if there wasn't a box provided.
You'd be able to handle it
like the legend you are.
It's really beautiful,
thanks Romesh.
You're really--
You're very welcome.
I think I'll have a look at
Josh's gift next, please.
I've felt we've been getting
on very well, Greg.
Yeah, I think it's gone alright.
I thought you'd worry that
I'd forget you after this, so
I've got a tattoo.
Can we see it?
Well, you could've
gift-wrapped it.
I mean
- Is it real?
- It is, yeah!
Fuck me!
It's impossible to beat.
Or is it? Come forth.
OK. You have to open
it very carefully.
It's something you said you wanted.
You were drunk. You said
you were into them.
Awww!
Uh-oh.
You've got to be kidding me.
That is an amazing present.
'Cause it was only £17, I got you
three scratch cards as well.
Watch and learn, Key!
Look, I've got my own mouse.
He's also called Greg.
So? I've got a tattoo of his name.
- Thank you very much.
- No worries.
But morally, we are encouraged
not to give animals as presents.
- Yeah, we are.
- Don't worry, I'm not keeping him.
Obviously, the book tokens are last.
I'm sorry, Romesh. If you hadn't
stuck duck's feet on me
you'd have been right up there.
- That's coming in at fourth.
- Unbelievable.
I'll be using the sunglasses every day,
but they've got to come in third place.
I don't know what to do
with you two. Yeah, I do.
Anyone who permanently inks themself up
surely has to win this task.
Mr. Josh Widdicombe.
Show me the next task.
Colouring pens. Old-school. Fat ones
Another day, another egg.
"Using only the items
currently on this table,
get this egg as high as possible."
"Highest wins. The egg
must not break."
"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
Get it as high as possible
using these items?
So, I've got colouring pens.
Why would I use pens?
A measuring tape. Scissors.
OK. I've just got paper, and that's it?
Sure you've got everything?
Could've done with a box, really.
Just to make it clear,
they can't break the egg.
If they break the egg,
they're disqualified, right?
That's right, very clear.
One egg and get it as high as possible.
Yeah, let's have a look at Romesh.
Fuck.
I mean, I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what the hell to do!
Oh, bollocks.
Yeah?
Make that 111?
Pffft.
I'm not gonna lie. I do think
this has gone badly.
That was it.
Let's get this straight.
You're an ex-teacher.
Yep.
After 20 minutes,
the aim being to get an egg
as high as you can
Yep.
You put an egg onto a ream of paper.
And pens, on the pens as well.
Oh, I'm sorry, and on top of the pens.
- How high did Romesh get?
- One metre 11 'cause of the pens.
It would've been one metre ten.
That was more less how mine came.
It was exactly how yours came.
So he'd already got a head start?
If only there'd been a
cardboard box somewhere.
There wasn't a box, man!
Let's have a look at somebody
who's not gonna come last.
You're in the lead, Romesh.
Here's Roisin.
Does it have to stay as high as
possible for a certain amount of time?
- What are you thinking?
- Throw it up and catch it?
Surprise surprise, Romesh.
Not last. Unbelievable.
If I'd caught it, it would've
been a real success story.
Oh, God. You're right.
Now I've heard your explanation,
I'm gonna make you win this task.
Honestly, this is going to
sound a little bit harsh.
If it were up to me, you'd be
kicked off the show for that.
- Who's next?
- Poet Tim Key?
Ahh, the poet and the egg.
Pfffffbbt.
Oh, God.
- That sort of thing.
- What's that?
A goose.
I'm gonna boil the egg.
Nature's Sellotape.
I hate crafts!
Gonna have to go outside.
That's promising.
Two minutes!
Egg.
- One minute 30.
- Shhhh.
Bollocks. Crap. Fuck off.
- One minute ten.
- OK.
- How long?
- 41 seconds.
- How long?
- 26 seconds.
Oh, God!
Twenty seconds away.
Yeah?
This round is turning into,
"Who can not break an
egg in 20 minutes?"
One of my problems was
I didn't notice the saucepan
and the electric cooker on the table.
I'm really sorry you didn't see them.
Maybe I'll give you an extra point.
If you-- I swear to God, man.
I'm just saying, they clearly
weren't on display,
and that's not fair, is it?
You're really pissing
me off tonight, man.
Who are we going to see next?
The final two: Frank and Josh.
"Get this egg as high as possible."
It doesn't have to be at that
height for very long.
Can I throw the egg in the air?
Just gonna build a crash
mat of paper.
Ooh, hold on!
What if I wrap the egg several
times in this paper?
Giving it a bit of protection
and then throw it really high?
I can't completely judge
the trajectories.
I'll try and go straight up,
straight down.
How long have I got left? Nine 41?
Five and a half minutes.
OK, so, yeah.
The secret, I think,
is that when you catch it
you go down with it,
so it doesn't crack.
One minute, Josh. One minute.
- Ready?
- I'm really nervous!
I'm sure you're all thinking
the same thing as me.
I'm amazed I give a shit.
But it genuinely is quite
tense, isn't it?
Yeah, so at this point, Josh's
egg got to six metres 80.
Frank's got to eight metres.
Frank's is higher.
So Frank is potentially
gonna clean up here.
Shall we see if the eggs broke?
OK.
Ready?
Oh! It's fine!
- Are you alright, Frank?
- Never mind if I'm alright!
How did that not break?
Um Didn't work out.
I was so confident.
I couldn't see anything
going wrong.
Difficult to know what was sadder.
The image of you losing
your eggy friend,
or you falling over.
Like I said, years of playing cricket
have stood me in good stead in this show.
It was a sort of minor
miracle, Josh's egg
I mean, I don't know why
you threw it again.
No, I don't know. I got a kind of
rush of blood to the head.
The thing with eggs, because
they're borne by birds,
is if they land on grass,
they're designed not to break.
Is this why birds don't
wrap them in paper?
I never thought I would be
announcing this call.
Three people have failed the task.
Josh is obviously the winner.
And against all natural odds
In second place, Romesh Ranganathan.
Remember, later on, someone
might be depriving Tim Key of a piston.
I know, right? See you after the
break for the final live action task.
Yes, I will.
Welcome back to the final part
of this four-part Taskmaster story.
Alex, how are the scores looking?
Well, Frank's in third, Josh
Widdicombe in second,
and Romesh Ranganathan's
in first place.
And soon we will have a winner.
I would like Josh to read
out the task, please.
"Stand up after 100 seconds."
Thank you, Josh.
It was a lovely voice.
Oh, thank you very much, Alex.
OK, just to be clear of the
rules, you must sit on your hands.
You must not look at
your watch, Romesh.
- Is it a vibrate watch?
- Pardon? No?
Can I have your watch please, mate?
- What?!
- Can I have your watch?
- Take the man's watch.
- What a showbiz mugging.
Alright, so it's very simple.
Alex will blow his whistle.
You must work out in your head
how long 100 seconds is
and stand up when you
think it's passed. Alex?
Prettyyy exciting.
Tim, how many seconds do you
think you're on at the moment?
Thirty-five?
Alex, Romesh seems to me
really nervous.
Is there anything
you could give Romesh
that would sort of give
him a little lift?
'Cause look how nervous he looks.
Ohh, there, look.
That should give him a little
It's gonna give him a boost.
It's not funny, man.
It's not funny.
Josh, how many seconds do you
think you're on at the moment?
One.
- Bam!
- You idiot!
Oh, my God.
Someone has just jumped themselves
into last place, ladies and gentlemen.
What was it?
You can't sit back down!
I'm not gonna stand up.
Is she having another go?
Oh! Widdicombe's gone.
I already went.
Fuck you.
He's up! They're all up, they're all up.
Exciting stuff.
Alex, you work out who
was most accurate.
Everybody come down. We'll add it to
the final scores, we'll see how you did.
Interestingly, Roisin stood
up both first and last,
and was furthest outside of
the hundred both times.
Wow.
- It's amazing.
- You were in last place twice.
Frank Skinner was the fourth closest.
Ohhh, no.
These two were exactly the same.
Romesh and Tim both stood up
about 12 seconds after 100 seconds.
Josh Widdicombe, five seconds
after the hundred seconds.
- Stood up on 105 seconds.
- Wow, impressive.
Final scores are these
A tie-break situation.
How exciting.
Alex, I have no idea how
we're gonna resolve this.
We have a Taskmaster
tie-breaker question.
So I'm gonna ask you
both a question.
It's a number question. Whichever
of you is closest to the right answer,
you're gonna win. OK?
The question is: please give me
Frank Skinner's age in minutes.
He's a maths teacher!
What are the three options?
It's not multiple choice, mate.
OK, shall we go for it, Greg?
Who do you want to ask first?
I want to ask Josh Widdicombe first.
Oh, I don't know.
It's really unfair that
I have to go first.
- Can't he go first?
- OK!
Romesh, I require you to guess first.
To save your wedding ring.
Can't he-he go first?
Absolutely not.
I- I don't know. About 150,000?
Oh, that's embarrassing.
Just a bit higher, like 200,000.
OK, so Frank Skinner is
30,505,028 minutes old,
which means that Josh
Widdicombe is the closest.
And so, the former maths teacher
loses his wedding ring.
The winner of the show today,
ladies and gentlemen,
is Mr. Josh Widdicombe!
Well done, that's all for today.
I've been the Taskmaster and
this has been Taskmaster.
- Thank you, Alex.
- Don't mention it.
You, Mr. Widdicombe, may go
and collect your prize.
Ladies and gentlemen, what a haul.
Josh Widdicombe!
And remember, when you
have a handful of hope
and a heart full of sorrow,
when all your dreams
are in one basket,
but the chicken has
flown the coop
Join us next time on Taskmaster.
Good night!
I imagine your wife's gonna
be genuinely upset, yeah?
It's not gonna be a good night.