The Adventures of Brisco County Jr (1993) s01e03 Episode Script

- Need a hand? - Yeah, I'd appreciate it.
Daddy, I want my dolly.
Emily, we'll find your dolly; just wait.
What happened? Three men rode through here a couple of hours ago.
They looted the town and went on a rampage.
That sounds familiar.
- Why is that mister? - Describe 'em.
They weren't from around here, that's for sure.
One of them was big and mean.
The other one was nervous and crazy.
And the third one was a long haired son-of-a-buck.
- They driving an old wagon? - That's right, full of loot.
- You know 'em? - Yeah, been chasing them since they burned down an orphanage in Heiler Ben.
They hit four other towns between here and there.
Then who are they? Phil, Will and Bill.
The Swill brothers.
A good reason why inbreeding is a bad idea.
I don't see a badge.
You must be a bounty hunter.
Yeah I am.
- These boys got a big price on their heads? - No, we got a history.
Look out, it's gonna blow! Emily! There you are.
You're all dirty.
No.
Don't.
You wait here.
- I need to go to the bathroom.
- I know what you mean.
Well Comet, I'd say by these tracks that we're only an hour or two behind.
Give or take an hour.
No, I have no idea why they turned off the main road.
There's nothing out there for 100 miles.
Bowler! Come in, please, sit down.
- May I get you something? - Yeah: an explanation.
You're being nice just coz you want somethin'.
- What is it? - We've got a job for you.
What about Brisco? I thought he was the official Westerfield Club bounty hunter.
Brisco's on the trail of Swill brothers.
They hit three of our banks.
- Who are you looking for? - It's not a person.
It's an object.
And if you recover it, we'll pay you $2000.
Now you're talking.
What is it? It's a classified government secret.
If I tell you, you must swear never to reveal its existance.
For $2,000, I'll find it.
For $3000, I'll promise not to talk about it.
- Alright, $3000.
- Well, let me see it! What the heck is it? My employers developed this vehicle for the army.
It has a tread drive system that allows it to roll unhindered across nearly any terrain.
It's armed with a 70mm cannon of enourmous destructive capabilties and is protected by 8 inches of steel.
Bowler, this mobile battle-wagon can roll through a bank, the White House or an entire cavalry division! There is not a weapon yet invented that can stop it! - Then how am I supposed to? - You can't.
Then what in Sam Hill am I doing here? You can't stop the machine, but you can stop the driver.
He has to come out eventually.
You want me to track a doomsday machine 500 miles, risking my life and limb, hoping I get lucky and grab the driver before he takes over the country? For a measly $3000? Yes.
You got a deal.
What is it, boy? Yeah, I hear it too.
Sounds like that wagon is just up ahead.
- Who did the cooking last night? - Me, I did.
- You bubbling again Will? - Like a sulpher geyser! Get me the catalog.
What the hell was it you fixed, Phil? - Bill found it in the road.
- You're not the cook no more, Phil! Yes sir, Will.
Thank you for the opportunity.
It might take a while.
Keep an eye out for Gill.
- What did I cook last night? - Wasn't it a rabbit? Hard to tell.
It was so mangled.
Will ain't going to like you messing with his looking glass.
I ain't messing with it.
I'm looking for Gill.
I wonder what Gill's got planned that's so important.
It must be pretty big to drag us all the way back to our old hideout.
It'll be good to get back to that ghost town, huh Bill? Be able to relax.
Wouldn't have to look over our shoulders.
Well, Phil, I have to admit I kinda enjoyed the past eight months on the road.
The random violence, and the occasional killing.
And the sudden surprises? Alright, get your hands up and get down off that wagon.
You too.
Hands up.
Alright, pull your pants up first, then get your hands up.
Well, well, well.
The Swill brothers.
- Do we know you? - We've met.
How's that? I got a bullet in the shoulder compliments of you boys.
- Who are you? - Brisco County Junior.
- The son of the famous marshall? - That's right, Bill.
I'm, Bill.
He's Phil.
So I guess that makes you Will.
Looks like the three Swill brothers' little Reign of Terror has ended.
- Gill! - Gill! Gill? Hold your fire.
How did one lousy tinhorn get the drop on all three of you? Good thing he didn't know there were five of us.
There's four of us, Bill.
- Get down there and get him! - Hold it! It's Brisco County Junior.
We gotta make sure we got him.
Forget about him.
His horse ran off.
There's nothing out here but dirt and sun, he's a goner.
Besides, we've got better things to do.
- Is that so? - That's so.
So, Gill, it's good to see you again.
Whatcha got cookin'? Moving into the big time.
- How's that? - You remember our cousin Ed? The one who married Aunt Miriam? - I thought he married his mother.
- That's what I said.
Until recently, Ed was one of the army's top test drivers.
The man is fearless.
You have to be fearless to marry your mother.
Get to the point.
Ed was chosen to test the army's latest weapon.
A machine that every general in the world would give his eye teeth for.
Our cousin, Ed, borrowed it.
By the time the sun goes down boys, we will have in our possession a mobile battle-wagon.
Now, let's get on into town.
I'm with you Comet.
I just need to get my bearings.
But It was Comet? Brisco.
Thanks for stopping by professor.
That little thing? This is going to be the easiest $3000 I ever made.
Damn! Sounds like the Swills gave you quite a time back there.
It's a good thing I wasn't the 3:10 to Uma.
Where are we going? Whoa! Halt! Hold on there, son.
You took quite a knock on the noggin back there.
Now, let's see.
Hopefully there's a doctor in the town just up the road here.
- There is no town.
- There is on my map.
You got to have a map like that when you're on tour.
That's what I'm doing, Brisco.
Traveling the country, showing off my invention.
Yep, living off what I earn.
Five cents a ride, it adds up, you know? Yeah, right.
Now that my fourth wife has left me, I've given up women all together! Nothing to hold me back.
No regrets.
It's just going to be Professor Albert Wickwire and his amazing rocket car! "No Man's Land.
" Interesting.
Well there's something you don't see every day.
Excuse me, ladies.
Can you tell me where I might find a doctor? I knew I should've learnt German.
Can anybody help me? I need a doctor for my friend here! Hold it.
- Are you the doctor? - No.
But I am in charge of greeting new visitors such as yourself.
Didn't you see the sign back there? Oh! The that said: "No Man's Land, Keep Out?" That's right.
No Man's Land? No MANS land Oh, my God.
I get it.
No men.
There are no men in this entire town, right? Get over it and turn around.
You're not welcome here.
What's going on? Visitor's on the way out.
Sheriff, please.
My friend's hurt his head.
He needs a doctor.
That's all we want.
Go get the doctor, Casey.
Tell her to meet me at my house.
- You gonna take him in? - He's hurt, Casey.
Get the doc.
We got an ordinance - no guns in town.
What's this guy's name? Brisco County Junior.
Brisco.
Welcome back.
I gotta get going.
Oh, sorry, Brisco.
You're not going anywhere at the moment.
Where am I? Well, I've got some pretty good news for you on that front.
- What? - While you were unconscious, I did a little investigating on my own.
You and I are the only two men in this entire town.
Ah, you're awake.
Let me check.
Did I miss something? Five stitches and a little clean-up.
- Brisco, meet Jenny Taylor, the sheriff.
- I'm glad to see you're feeling better.
- If you need anything, I'll be downstairs.
- Thank you.
And, Doctor.
Sorry.
I don't remember your name.
- Dr.
Quintana, Medicine Woman.
- Right! So, how's our boy doing, doctor? Bene, as long as he stays flat on his back.
Not a bad suggestion, considering where we are.
Si, molto bene.
All you need now is lots of rest.
Well, you don't need me hanging around then.
- Oh, professor? - Yes? - Thanks for stopping and helping.
- Oh sure.
- Good luck with your tour.
- Don't be ridiculous Brisco, I'm not leaving town.
I'm going to stick it out with you, as long as it takes.
Then where you going now? I've been invited to the home of the Schwenke sisters they're tremendous blacksmiths.
And they're very curious about my rocket.
I thought you'd sworn off women? A man must adapt Brisco.
It's a law of nature.
Adapt or perish.
Variables change.
Flux is inevitable.
And I, for one, enjoy flux.
- Pace yourself.
- What? Oh, yeah.
I will.
Doctor.
You said it was a ghost town.
You said no-one was going to be here.
- What's going on Will? - How should I know? - There are people living here.
- So let's relocate them to a six foot hole.
No, let's just take it one step at a time.
I didn't even know there was a town out here.
- And that's the way we like it.
- It used to be a mining town.
The silver, she dry up, as the river.
It became a ghost town.
Four women heading west found the town.
They decided to stay and fix it up.
Other women followed.
It didn't take long to realize a town for women only was a good idea.
I am medicine woman.
But you think I can get a job anywhere else? It's a man's world out there.
That's about to change.
We're entering a new era.
Tell that to some of the women who had to drag themselves here.
Women here have a chance, and all the jobs.
So what about you? How'd you end up here? We all have our reasons.
This is our town! What hell are you doing in it? - Tryin' to make an honest livin'! - Try somewhere else! Will, you chased every woman outta here, didn't ya? Yeah I did.
You find out how well armed they are? Who's in charge? - How spread out they are? - They're only women.
Who cares? I do.
I was running the gang just fine while you were off gallivanting.
Gallivanting? Can you spell the word, Will? Do you know what it means? Because if you do and you think that's what I've been doing, you're even a dumber little pimple than I thought you were.
Why don't you ask Phil and Bill and see what they think? Can't we all just get along? - What are you doing? - I can't stay on my back forever.
I wouldn't be rushing it if I were you.
Look, I don't know how you feel, but I'm a lot more comfortable if I have my gun.
And we'd all feel a lot better around here if it stayed locked up in my office.
A city ordinance, huh? You must think we're all crazy being out here, don't ya? No, actually I think what you're doing is pretty amazing.
It's a good place to live, Brisco.
No, it's a lot more than that.
It's a group of people trying to make a better place for themselves.
There's nothing crazy about that.
You gotta keep trying new things, looking over that horizon.
You know there's a whole new era coming? What are you looking for? I don't know.
But it's out there.
And I'm going to find it.
You really belive that, don't you? Yes, I do.
What is it, Casey? Four men just threw me out of my own saloon.
Alright, we'll take care of it.
- So, when's Ed supposed to get here? - Anytime.
And you're all going to have to lay low and behave yourselves until he does.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Who are you calling a "gentlemen"? Show a little respect.
That there is the sheriff, Will.
That's right, I am.
And we've got an ordinance in this town boys - no guns.
No-gun ordinance, huh? Well, I guess we just better do what the lady says.
The truth is, we were never much for ordinances.
Alright now, move.
Guns on the bar, ladies.
Let's go! That's right.
Up against the bar and keep those hands where I can see 'em.
- So what are we gonna do with 'em? - I would say anything we want.
Check it out.
There ain't nothing out here.
What if one of the locals decides to ride out and get the Federal Marshal? Come on Will, be serious.
You think I'm worried about a miserable Federal Marshal? - Seems like you should be worried Gill.
- Well I'm not.
Hand me the key.
All we need is that wagon, and nothing can hurt us.
I hope you know what you're doing, Gill.
Little brother, you worry too much.
Let me pour you a drink.
What we have here? There's somebody down there! Let's go! - A town of all women? - That's Brisco County Junior.
Every gun in town is locked up in that vault? Yeah, that's what I said.
You've got a spare key, right? I know a gun free town must seem awfully strange to your male ego, but you'd be surprised how it cuts down on bullet wounds.
Good point.
He's unarmed.
Why should we worry about him? He's Brisco County Junior, you idiot! He's smart and he's got guts.
- Find him.
- What the hell's that? Spread out.
Find County.
I'll take care of this.
Hold on there, stranger.
- You the sheriff? - That's what this badge means.
Well sheriff, you got a heap of trouble headed your way.
- Is that right? What is it? - Well, I can't tell you.
- I thought this place was a ghost town.
- Well, not anymore.
You look kinda parched.
Come on, I'll buy you a drink.
You make it sould like the devil himself is coming this way.
Might be.
Oh, jeez.
Any idea why? I'm just supposed to find it and bring it back.
- You got a plan, have ya? - I'm workin' on one.
All by yourself? - You offering to help? - Help? No.
No.
Just seems that one man trying to stop three tons of steel might be tough.
I don't think I said how much it weighed.
You didn't say it had a 70mm cannon or tread-track system either, did ya? No, I don't think I did.
Your secret's safe with me.
For a long, long time.
Now little lady, I'm here just like you to take a nice little hot bath.
If you get any closer and I'll scream.
I like screaming.
Don't you worry.
I'll be nice and gentle.
- Thanks for your help.
- Happy to oblige.
- Can you handle him? - I've tied a few knots before.
Hey! One of them is right behind me.
Are we all set? Almost.
Another two meters higher, girls.
Brisco, I'd like you to meet the Schwenke sisters.
- Katrina and llsa.
- A pleasure.
I knew I shoulda learned German.
- Here he comes.
- Hurry, right this way.
Up there, quickly! You might as well come out, or I'll just start shooting random-like.
- Now? - No no no no.
He's got to get further in.
I hope you weren't hiding in that hay.
Olly olly oxen free.
- Now? - Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Maybe I'll just have to shoot your little horsey.
- All right, Phil, you got me.
- Come on down from there.
- Now? - Now! Well, that seemed to work out quite well.
Yeah, but there's still two of them out there.
I'm thinking of something that could be quite effective.
I need some fishing line, coat hangers, soap and some cheese.
- Cheese? - I'm hungry.
The hangers are upstairs.
Professor, you can help me get the rest of the stuff, okay? Right-o! What's taking so long? What? I don't know why I just didn't burn all this.
- Happy memories as John Bly's moll? - No! You just wouldn't understand.
John Bly and his gang killed my father.
That's all I need to understand.
You have every right to hate anybody connected with John Bly.
I don't hate them, but I'm gonna bring them all in.
When this is over, you're coming with me.
That's not what your father wanted.
When he caught up with Bly, I was expecting to be hauled in with the lot.
But your dad just looked at me.
I don't know what it was that he saw.
He told me to run, to get as far away from what I'd become as possible.
So I ended up here.
They needed a sheriff and I needed a second chance.
One thing my father taught me was that second chances are hard to come by.
I know.
I'm trying hard.
- You know where Bly is? - No.
- Yeah, well, if you see him - You'll be the first to know.
We're two storeys up.
Oh, come on Brisco - this is the oldest trick in the book! Yeah, I know it is.
You think I'm stupid? Why would I think that you're stupid? You're a key player, Will.
- Bowler? - Brisco? - Drop the guns.
- Don't do it! We got your brothers, Gill.
- Where are they? - Outside.
Move.
Where are they? It looks like it's time to negotiate.
Negotiate that, County.
Say hello to our cousin, Ed! - What is that thing? - Your basic mobile battle-wagon.
Socrates hired me to bring it back.
- How you gonna do that? - I have no idea.
I think we better get out of here.
Gilbert! - Where the hell you been, Eddie? - I came as fast as I could.
How's your mother? What is going on around here? Well, they got Will and Bill and Phil.
We're going to tear this town apart until we get 'em back.
That can easily be arranged.
Let's do it.
- That's the future of warfare Bowler.
- It's our present future I'm worried about.
Wait a minute - that's it! You've got to fight the future with the future.
- Huh? - Come on, we've got to find the professor.
This is our town! - Get out of here! - What the We built it with our bare hands! We made it with our sweat and blood, and you're not taking it away from us! Who the hell asked you to do that? Yeah, well, you're welcome too! Keep goin'! We gotta get it out in the street.
- It's just up the street! - Okay, turn it around! Heave! Heave! Keep going! There! Turn this thing! A little more! - Professor? - It's coming.
I'll get it.
- Professor! - There, got it.
Light the fuse.
Okay, everybody take cover.
Well Brisco, if we're going to do it, let's do it.
- Thanks for the beer.
- Sure.
Ma'am.
- Oh! You are there.
- You ready to hit the road, Professor? Nope, I'm stayin'.
- My rocket needs a little fixing.
- There ain't nothing left of it.
Ilsa and Katrina think they can pound it back into shape.
Oh yeah? Well, I guess they'd know best.
Take care professor.
Oh, you count on it.
Lord Bowler.
- So, you ready? - Yeah, I just have one stop to make.
Bowler? Don't take all night.
We got a long ride ahead of us.
So, I guess we'll be seeing ya.
Thank you.
Well, my pleasure ma'am.
My pleasure.
- Heading out? - Yep.
Thought we'd get that wagon-load of things back to the people it belongs to.
I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
Oh, and I'll get the Federal Marshal out here to pick up the Swills - just as soon as I can.
- Great.
You know, you got a lot of your dad in you.
- He was a good man, Brisco.
- Yeah.
You know I never really knew how much I missed him until he was gone.
Thank you.
Hey, if you're ever up in San Francisco I think I'll be sticking around here for the time being.
It's a good place to live.
Oh, and when the Schwenkes are done with the professor, you can send what's left of him to that address.
Ma'am.