The Afterparty (2022) s01e03 Episode Script
Yasper
1
Okay.
Just so we're on the same page, whoever wrote that on your neck also wrote the threatening note.
- But how do we know who it is? - Okay, so here's the plan.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get everybody in this house to write the word "diarrhea," like it's written here, and then compare the handwriting style, see if it matches.
I don't get it, but I'm gonna be the first to do it.
So come on, watch this.
This is what I'm gonna do.
But why don't you just have them write the capital E? Well, because whoever did this used the backwards E's and misspelled the word.
That's the killer.
One "diarrhea" coming up.
Cha-cha-cha! Did I kill him? Well, you misspelled it.
But the wrong way.
It's really hard to spell.
What about those E's? You knew about the backwards E's.
Not gonna work on you.
Unless I had a different sample of my writing to prove that that's how I do my E's.
- Whoo-pow! - Ah, yeah.
Capital E, perfect way, with an S to impress.
- Yeah.
See? There you - So Chelsea's a suspect then? - It's Culp and Danner.
- There's still a big gap between Brett and Aniq's story, including Aniq's hazy period before he passed out when he was drunk and conveniently doesn't remember anything.
Right now, he's up to something in the bathroom.
Just saying.
We've got to get out of here.
I've got to get everybody's writing samples.
If I'm gonna clear my name, I need hard evidence.
Holy shit, dude.
Holy shit.
I just saved your life.
Say thank you now.
- Thank you.
- You want hard evidence? There is a secret hidden camera in Xavier's bedroom.
It is in Oates's eye in the Private Eyes movie poster.
Watching you.
Or maybe it was Hall.
I don't know which is which.
You installed cameras? It wasn't me.
It was a different company.
You should never use them.
You should come to me.
But I noticed them when I was installing my A/V equipment.
Do you know what that means? - There's evidence that exonerates me.
- Yes! That shows the real killer! That shows that you are not the killer.
- Yasper, you're amazing.
- I am amazing.
- Have a dance, have a dance.
- Yeah.
Have a dance.
This really should be more intuitive.
Okay.
Go ahead and just rewind it back by three hours.
You know what? It looks like the laptop is hooked up into the consoles.
This does not look very user-friendly.
I would have nailed this out of the park, but I think I can help you access the footage.
- We're good.
- Hey.
- Just let the police do their thing.
- All right, A/V guy? It doesn't seem like this guy knows what he's doing.
Suspects do not handle evidence! 'Kay? Thank you.
You're pressing the wrong buttons.
Please.
Stand back.
Thanks.
- I can't watch this.
- Okay.
Literally called him "A/V guy.
" Just click on this right here, and then that one You know what I'm gonna do? I am going to craft a meanly worded tweet.
And here it comes.
@marincountysheriffsdepartment, add me to the long list of people who have been oppressed by the police.
- Don't write that.
- Too much.
I should think before I type.
- Okay.
Well, double-click this.
- No.
I've already done that, Danner.
- Well, let me try.
Let me try.
- No.
Oh, my God.
- Uh, what the - No, no, no.
- No.
- What, what, what? - No, no.
- What button did you just push? - No.
- What button did you just push? See? You should've let me help you out.
There's gotta be a backup or something.
Call the security company.
It's a closed-circuit security system, so everything is saved to exactly that.
If they erase it, it's gone forever.
They screwed up.
Damn it! It's the only thing exonerating me.
We go on.
- Did you say, "We go on?" - No.
Okay.
How about this? You get those handwriting samples.
I'll take care of this.
Watch this.
Uh-oh.
Listen, I'm not a "I told you so" type guy, so who cares about what just happened? I told you so.
But I'm gonna help you out, okay? I knew Xavier probably better than anybody else here, and I was with Aniq for almost the entire night, so I can tell you details of every second of his whereabouts.
Let me go next.
You know what? You better not be wasting my time.
We're gonna just wrap you up.
I'm telling you, you're gonna love this.
I'm a storyteller With music Not so adorkable anymore, huh? Did you call me adorkable? What? - Uh, get your hand off my recorder.
- You got it.
- And have a seat over here.
- Over there is fine.
- Thank you.
- See you in a bit.
All right.
This one's gonna break me.
So tell me your story.
From the beginning.
The whole night.
- You wanna hear it from the top? - Yeah, from the tip-top.
Okay.
Mmm.
Turn me up.
Turn the snare up.
What are you doing? Why are you nodding your head? Feeling the beat.
Give me a second.
Yasper in the house! Let's go! Whoa! Okay! Ned! Hey! Oh! Yasper! Looking hot! - Chelsea! Mwah, mwah! - Mwah, mwah! Oh! - Hey, Yasper.
It's me.
- Okay.
You guys wanna see me flip? You wanna see me flip? Whoop.
- Hey, Yas! - Oh! Bah, bah, don't do it to him Bah, duh, duh How great is this party? - It's okay.
- Oh, no.
How do I look? Have you seen Zoë? Think this top button is too formal? You're too nervous.
You're thinking about stuff too much, okay? Tonight is a second chance for both of us.
You're gonna hook up with Zoë, and I'm gonna get Xavier to bless my track.
Okay, uh, hold on a second.
Oh, sorry.
I forgot.
You're a civilian, right? Let me explain it to you.
Blessing a track, it works like this.
A huge artist, a real famous artist, goes on an emerging artist's track, right? It's like a musical cosign saying, "This guy's incredible.
Listen to this guy.
I'm about to rap next to this guy 'cause he's so good," right? Perfect example is 50 Cent appeared on the Game's first track.
Changed the game for the Game.
Why would a big star like Xavier wanna help you? - You're just a A/V guy.
- Xavier and I, we were in a ska band together in high school.
You should check it out.
Do you have a helmet? If you put on the helmet, 'cause it might blow your freaking mind.
- It's really good.
- Mmm.
But that's what it is for us, right? We were in a band together, so we are bonded by the beat.
Let's just back it up for a second.
So, you you show up to the party.
- And you are just jumping and flipping.
- That's me, yeah.
You seem a little tall to be in gymnastics.
Yeah, that's what my coach said.
But look at me now.
I got, like, 40,000 participation trophies at home.
And also, I was hype.
I was feeling incredible.
I was feeling good, 'cause I knew tonight was my second shot to be a star.
But I also wanted to help Aniq with his mission.
I don't know.
Maybe I should just forget about the whole Zoë thing.
I mean, I had my shot in high school, and I didn't take it.
What? No, no, no.
See, that's the fear talking.
Now listen up close, 'cause this may sound shocking.
- You about to rap? - Yep! We all get a moment where the stars align The universe gives us a verse in the song of time The spotlight swings our way and it's our time to shine We're handed a mic on the stage of life Time to rhyme But what happens if you choked And you didn't catch a break? If you fail, do you bail with your tail between your legs? What about those of us who missed our shot, didn't rise to the top Never became the cream and we just remained the crop? I've heard it said before that we get one shot in life And even though that may be true It's not exactly right 'Cause here's a secret even though we get one shot in life We all get that one shot twice We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words we get two shots in life That's right we all get one shot twice The way you're saying It's confusing, but I think I understand Everybody gets one shot Times a second chance? Exactly, somehow I didn't make it with my ska band Apparently pop, punk or brass doesn't win you fans So do I hang up my suspenders Porkpie and trombone? Be content installing A/V equipment in people's homes? Hell no, because life's gonna throw you two bones That's right We get to kill one bird with two stones Eric Stoltz couldn't go back in time and get rehired As Marty in Back to the Future after he was fired But then he got a cool supporting role in Pulp Fiction And now he's a sought-after director of television We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words We get two shots at life That's right We all get one shot twice - Two shots - To launch a second career - Two shots - Like my Uncle Amir - Two shots - He was a lawyer Now he's kick-starting a microbrew 'Cause you don't get one shot You get two I fell in love with Zoë in Mr.
Shapiro's class Chemistry partners whose chemistry was unmatched Maybe with the exception of hydrogen and oxygen - Water - But I never made a move So she walked to the altar With another dude and I got so depressed I fell apart like The West Wing after Sorkin left I was filled with regret But if this song is correct I missed my one shot at love But I got one shot left And now it's time for my verse Tonight for me is gonna be If your first movie bombs Make a better sequel You fail the bar exam Become a paralegal Your first band, the Quarrymen doesn't move the needle Form a second band and call it the fucking Beatles Oh We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words We get two shots at life That's right We all get one shot twice - Two shots - We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words We get two shots at life That's right We all get one shot twice Two shots You know, normally, I would want to hear every single detail.
But with you, I would just love it if you could just skip to the part where Aniq gets drunk and what happened.
I can't skip ahead.
I'm telling you a story here.
I'm building character arcs, dynamics, all these things.
A's, B's, whoo, whoo, whoo.
You gotta enjoy it, okay? You're gonna It's gonna be worth it in the end.
And then you're gonna be like, "I wish you did more of this," so Inhale your love for the fetus and exhale the toxins.
Somebody's in here.
There's a person in here.
- Hi.
- Oh, uh, yeah.
What is it that you're doing exactly? I'm trying to meditate to stay calm.
Yeah, totally.
Uh, could you write on this piece of paper, "I have diarrhea" or "don't have diarrhea"? I'm sorry.
You interrupted my sacred meditation for diarrhea? No.
Actually, I interrupted you for a game about diarrhea.
See All right.
Imagine a town, all right? With villagers.
With ghosts.
With a barrel of clams.
And one toilet.
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna do it.
And that way, you could probably just leave me alone afterwards.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Thinking about calling it "Spooky Dookies.
" - Okay.
There you go.
- Thank you.
All right.
Whoa.
What is this? Like, the British spelling? Oh, Australian actually.
Uh, my recent trip to Melbourne is where my baby was conceived.
- Yeah, that's enough.
I appreciate that.
- Okay.
And so the villagers are kind of just deciding amongst themselves, like, - whether they do or don't have it.
- Aniq.
Why would you think it's appropriate to play a game right now? - And it's about diarrhea? - Somebody say diarrhea game? Uh - I'm in.
- Oh, okay.
Uh, yeah.
So you're just gonna write whether you do or don't have diarrhea.
And then you initial right there.
Uh, an H in the middle.
That's new.
Diarhrea! I love this game.
Yes! - Okay.
I know it sounds weird.
- Yeah.
So Aniq was just obsessed with being alone with Zoë.
So while he was pursuing that, I went to find Xavier to reconnect our bond so I can ask him to Hit me with it! - Bless your track? - That's it! Xavier.
My God, I didn't know you were going to be here.
Yeah.
No, I'm just trying to keep a low profile tonight.
Just blend in, you know? But you came in on a helicopter, right? Yeah, right.
But we came in real low.
Under-the-radar type of deal, you know.
Ah.
You, baby.
- You know it.
- You know what? We gotta catch up.
Say, by the bar? I'll get you a drink.
Yeah.
I could use another drink.
You want one? - Mmm.
I'm good, thanks.
- Okay, yeah.
BRB.
- Be around, baby.
BRB.
- Uh, it means "be right back.
" - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, two shots.
Man, we have been through some unbelievable stuff.
Unforgettable, you and me.
Can you believe it? And here we are.
The two-man band reunites.
Are you talking about Ska-pe Diem reuniting? Ska.
So fucking dumb.
So dumb.
But also, like, I guess, super important and dedicated to ending racism, right? I guess we weren't all that bad for lame-ass teenagers.
We had our moments.
Hey, you know what? To moments.
- What do you think? - Good.
Ready? Oh.
- Oh! - Whoo! - You were still going by Eugene back then.
- Oh.
Do you remember? Until I was like, "Go by your middle name.
You gotta go by Xavier.
" - That's right.
That was you.
- You're the one with the middle name.
- I was just like, "Use it.
" - You changed my life, man.
Yes.
'Cause the party's never ending And we're skanking till it's late! Ooh, that song was fire, man.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know, I'm I'm I'm actually, uh, - making my own music right now.
- Are you? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- Good for you, man.
That's great.
- Thanks.
- Whoa.
Hey, where did Zoë go? Hey, actually, you know what? Um Shit.
I'm sure people ask you this stuff all the time, but, um, man, I'd really love it if you could bless one of my tracks.
Oh.
Just like an intro, or, "Here comes Yasper," or something like that.
- Something classic you.
- Yeah.
It doesn't have to be a big thing.
- Maybe one day.
- What about tonight at the after-party? We can go to your place, and we can just record it in the studio that I installed.
What What do you say? Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Yeah! He said, "Yeah, sure, whatever" Three words and 16 letters That mean, "I unambiguously agree to bless your track" And there's no way that I'm misinterpreting that Here we go! "Yeah, sure, whatever" Means we're gonna work together And turn Yasper into a household name He wants to do for me what 50 did for the Game Minus their ensuing beef That exchange could not have gone better I can't believe he said "Yeah, sure, whatever" "Yeah" is just a cool guy's way of saying yes "Sure" means he's absolutely positive he wants to bless But of the three words The third is the best "Whatever" means the possibilities are endless The music-streaming apps are all gonna crash Too many people will be listening to my track I'll hang with Meghan, Harry Jay-Z and Bey 'Cause they're the only ones who will be able to relate To the pressures of my level of fame I'll develop a drug problem Probably cocaine He said, "Yeah, sure, whatever" Yasper featuring Xavier We'll be number one in 195 countries They'll make a sequel to A Star is Born starring me These balloons can support my weight.
Whoa.
"Yeah, sure, whatever" Let's celebrate my success together This dance is spontaneous It's totally not choreographed And I will stand up on this table and tap-dance Everybody, now! Whatever, whatever Uh, guys.
Hey.
Hey, guys? Don't just sing "whatever" It sounds much worse when you leave out "yeah" and "sure" - Whatever - Okay.
That's really mature Are we back in high school? I'm gonna be a national treasure - Yeah, sure! - Okay, you know what? Whatever Chelsea? Just get in.
Uh, that's my car.
This is my car, everybody.
What's happening? Hey.
Hey.
Those aren't keys.
That's your lipstick, and you've ruined it.
Yeah, I should not I'm not It's Oh! And, you know, it's anger, you know? And And Saint Patrick's Day party.
He's gonna be sorry.
Wait.
Stop, stop.
Who's gonna be sorry? - Oh.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
I gotta get to the after-party.
You can't drive, all right? How about this? I can give you a ride.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
I'm touched you asked me to play your game.
Yeah.
Well, everybody is, uh, participating, so it's not - It means a lot.
- Mm-hmm.
- Sorry.
Oh.
Uh, Walt.
- That's enough.
Oh.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh, Zoë.
I'm s-sorry I was I was so pushy earlier.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I didn't consider this is probably really hard for you too.
And I'm worried about you.
Everyone seems to think you did it.
Everyone.
It's all anyone's talking about.
Sorry, you're you.
That's not funny.
The real reason I'm getting everybody to do this is so I can find out who killed Xavier.
What? Well, it's complicated.
But whoever writes "diarrhea" the same way it's written on my neck may be the killer.
Plus, I think I created a pretty pretty fun game.
- There's three rounds, so each tier - What does it look like on your neck? Uh, you know, I'll I'll I'll show you after.
Are you being serious? I don't think you could've killed anyone, let alone draw on me when I was passed out.
Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that last part.
You drew on me? What Well, what did you draw? Guess you'll have to find out.
- You've got to wonder - Oh! if she changed her handwriting because she knew it was a test.
Is that smart? It's amazing you're still here.
Thank you.
So we rolled into the after-party.
And I texted Xavier.
What an impressive, fabulous ride, Yasper.
Well, thank you very much.
And it's mine.
That's 100 perc He's texting.
He's texting back right now.
Oh, I hate this perfectly beautiful, amazing house.
He's still texting.
Still texting.
Do you guys see Xavier anywhere? Uh, Xavier Schmavier.
Still texting.
Maybe he's probably thinking about the perfect way to bless my track.
Hey, buddy.
If you need it, I'll bless your track, 'kay? Why is this taking so long? Yes.
Yasper.
How's it going, man? I don't know yet.
This is my second shot The last one I got My whole future's in his fingertips Will I be a superstar? Or will I remain a four-and-a-half star A/V installation guy on Angie's List? Am I destined for glory or not? I can't stand this purgatory Of the dot Dot Dot I'm three dots From stardom All of my dreams may come true When his text finally comes through Three dots From stardom Is this a new beginning for me or the end? Come on, bro, just fucking press send Come on, man.
Just one text.
Please.
Who knows, tomorrow I could be partying with supermodels Drinking champagne by the bottle Is this guy writing me a novel? I'm here Are you DTB? Doesn't merit a very lengthy response You can make it brief A simple Y meaning yes is all I need Who the hell types for this long? The entire duration of a song Aniq.
I mean, it's just a dress.
Just a dress? Nah, nah.
That's a statement with an exclamation point.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You know it.
What's up, man? - Hey, Brett.
- Yeah.
- Brett? What the hell? - Whoops.
Are you okay? Oh, I'm aces, baby.
- You're very drunk.
Aniq.
Aniq.
- You're so talented.
Hey, Xavier.
Xavier.
I'm still waiting for that text.
- Remember me, bro? - I remember, bitch.
- Oh, I remember you.
- Oh, yeah? What do you remember? It's all falling apart.
Flaming Jell-O shots! - No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
- Oh, that's terrible.
- No, no.
- One more.
No, that's a candle.
That's a candle.
- You're a candle.
- Whoops, here you go.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
I'm three dots From stardom To deny the world of this voice would be a shame I'm so talented Check out my vocal range Three dots From stardom I could have a song at the top of the charts If Xavier would just sing an itty-bitty part Will I be famous? Will I be rich? The only thing standing in my way - Is this - Dot, dot, dot Ellipsis Two verses, three choruses, one bridge and a broken heart.
What? Did you see anything else? Did you see what happened? I was lost in 4/4 time.
But But when I did see Aniq, I came to his rescue again.
Could you close your legs, please? Thank you.
I'm so pumped I brought my pranking pen.
Ned, what is wrong with you? - That's not funny.
Get off of him.
- It's pranks.
I put a mustache - It's very original.
- Why is that funny? It's a mustache.
It's not funny now.
It'll be funny when he wakes up.
Aniq, you okay, buddy? Can you hear me? What happened with your pants? How is that even possible? By the way, the mustache looks good.
A little Lando.
I'm gonna get you some pants, okay? Could be me one day.
Oh, Mr.
Shapiro! What's going on, dude? I didn't know you were gonna It's a bad time.
It's a bad time? Okay.
Oh.
Hi, Heather.
A hero has come.
Yeah, now your penis won't be out to the world.
Do you know what I mean? Listen to me.
I will always be by your side.
No matter what happens, I'm here for you.
We've been through so much Oh, baby! It's back on, baby! Let's go! You ready for a hit track, Zoë? Whoo! All for one and fuck 'em all! What a twist! What happened? - Chels, ready for some music magic? - Nah.
I think I'm gonna go home.
No, you can't.
There's gonna be a listening party.
What's wrong? Tell me.
I was gonna do a thing tonight, and it didn't work out.
Can I tell you something that is gonna blow your brains? I'm about to record a track with Xavier.
It's the first time since Ska-pe Diem.
Ska-pe Diem, the premier East Bay Area high school ska band from the mid-2000s? Oh, my God.
You know all about us because we were incredible in high school.
Yeah, my head exploded off my body, and I had no head for a week.
That's not the point, I'm so sorry.
The point is, take your shot now.
It is never too late to ska-pe diem.
Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm living proof.
Look at this.
From this side now.
And this.
You are the most inspiring individual I've ever met.
- Thank you, Yasper.
- What a great conversation.
Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold up, hold up.
This is serious, okay? Does everybody know what time it is? It's time to party.
Oh, okay.
She's going over there too.
I guess her thing involves him.
That's cool.
Oh.
Bringing him over here.
My man, to the recording studio.
It is time for us to Okay, they're going up there.
It's this way.
Ah, X.
Okay, you know what? I'll see you in the recording studio in ten minutes.
Not a big deal.
Take your time.
Don't rush.
Good for her.
That's fine.
I can wait it out.
No problem.
In the meantime, though Obviously, I had to take a selfie to memorialize the historic moment.
What, this thing? That's good.
Xavier's text said Track 12 in the Work in Progress folder would work for our collab.
So I opened it up.
How great is this party Ooh! No! No! How great is this party? I don't get it.
What's so funny? You may wanna write this down to remember it later, so you can talk about it yourself.
So, right when Xavier and I transitioned from Sublime covers to originals, I came up with the perfect musical philosophy.
- The four categories of songs.
- Please do not list them.
"I love you, or I hate you, but I secretly love you.
" - Okay, those I like.
- Right? - That's a great type of song.
- Uh-huh.
"I'm so great," or "My hometown's so great.
" "Come on, everybody.
Listen up, this is important.
" See, those are your issues songs.
Those are your Bono's, - your Macklemore's, know what I'm saying? - Mm-hmm.
People that have something to say.
To give something to society.
And then number four Drumroll, please.
Hit me with a drumroll.
You're not doing it.
Hit me with a drumroll.
I'll do it.
Do it with me.
You don't have to.
That's fine.
"How great is this party?" That's the party anthem, because every single time Xavier and I played together, I would grab the microphone and yell, "How great is this party?" And people would go nuts.
That's why Xavier said that I inspired it.
Wow.
Congratulations, man.
It sounds like to me you got one rosebush just growing on a big ol' pile of shit.
From you, it means so much.
Thank you very much.
So, Xav's track was good, but it lacked hype.
The secret ingredient.
Luckily, I had the perfect source.
Our MLK Day concert.
How great is this party? So I sampled the audio of myself shouting "How great is this party?" and put it on the track.
How great is this party? How great is this party? In the back now.
- How How How - She don't wanna leave - But she leaving with me - How How Fuck around and sip Bacardà But nine minutes had already gone by, and Xav still wasn't done with Chelsea.
I couldn't risk it.
How How great is this party? So I ideated an idea.
How great is this How great is this party? Five, six, seven 'Cause the party's never ending What on earth? Now we're picking up the rhythm but also erasing hate Solo! - Hey.
- Oh, my God.
- What happened to me? - Wait a second.
Are you okay? - Are you all right? - Who did this to me? - It was Xavier, wasn't it? - I really don't think it was Xavier.
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna, like, freak out or anything, you know? I'm not gonna, like, hurt him.
- Could you imagine? - No.
I'm just gonna explain to Xavier that his pranks aren't okay.
They weren't in high school, - and they're not now.
All right? - Aniq.
- I'll be right back, okay? - Okay.
If you see him, could you tell him to meet me in the recording studio? One, two A lot of people think that having fun is bad 'Cause if you are having fun That means someone else is sad, but if Oh! That's when I heard the scream.
Can I see the text messages you were talking about? Of course.
I mean, these could be the very last words he ever texted.
Um, "Track 12 in WIP folder should work for our collab.
You inspired it.
Be there in Be there in ten minutes.
" This definitely narrows down the time of death.
There you go.
I was so close to my dreams.
And And now they're gone.
And so is Xavier.
You know what? I understand what you're going through.
You've got dreams.
You're a hustler.
We're both alike in a lot of ways.
Are you hitting on me? Hell no.
Often.
Stress.
And I know how to spell it, by the way.
Besides, I've never had it before.
My stools are rock-hard.
Always.
Oh.
Cool.
- Healthy.
- Okay.
Hey, Chelsea.
How's it going? Hey, Aniq.
You can come closer.
I'm I'm not crazy.
No, I know.
Yeah.
Here I come.
Ooh.
Hey, Chelsea.
- Uh - That's better.
So, a bunch of us are playing this fun game where you Kind of, you you write down, like, a a sentence.
That's the game? You write a sentence? There's three rounds to it, and so in the first round, uh, it's it's called the villager round, so everybody's a villager, - so everybody writes down - You know, I just I I don't really feel like playing any games.
Well, the only way the game works is if everybody kind of plays, and you're the only one who hasn't done it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
I'm pretty sure.
I got Ned, I got I got Brett, I got Jenn 1, I Oh, my God.
Hey, can I say one more thing? There's no way Aniq could have done this.
I'm telling you, the last person to have seen Xavier was Chelsea, right? They were in the room together.
And I can't speak on her mental state, but I can speak to Aniq's, and he's just He's too good of a guy.
He's like a real kind human being.
His heart is made of cotton candy and gummy bears and jollies that you just want to pop into your mouth and go I am glad that we are done here.
Jenn 1.
- Exhale the toxins.
- I'm calm.
I'm not raising my voice.
I am inviting you to stop barging in on me like a giant asshole.
Yeah.
This This is important.
Oh! Detective Danner? I crushed it.
She loved my My BFF, Jennifer 2 What about her? She's missing.
She was here when I woke up, and now she's not.
Yeah.
And she's nowhere in the house.
I keep calling and calling.
There's a chance we may have a second victim on our hands.
Okay, Angela Lansbury.
This is our case.
So No.
You know what? He might be right.
Why don't you recheck every room in the house and outside? Absolutely.
Fuck you.
- Detective, you said outside? - Mm-hmm.
That has to be your number one priority.
She will not fare well in the wild.
Wait a second.
Who could possibly have it out for Jennifer 2? - I don't know.
- Detective.
We found something wedged between the rocks near Xavier's body.
Is it Jennifer 2? It's Jennifer 2.
I know.
I knew it.
She's dead.
Oh.
Chelsea.
Yeah.
It's mine.
Just so we're on the same page, whoever wrote that on your neck also wrote the threatening note.
- But how do we know who it is? - Okay, so here's the plan.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get everybody in this house to write the word "diarrhea," like it's written here, and then compare the handwriting style, see if it matches.
I don't get it, but I'm gonna be the first to do it.
So come on, watch this.
This is what I'm gonna do.
But why don't you just have them write the capital E? Well, because whoever did this used the backwards E's and misspelled the word.
That's the killer.
One "diarrhea" coming up.
Cha-cha-cha! Did I kill him? Well, you misspelled it.
But the wrong way.
It's really hard to spell.
What about those E's? You knew about the backwards E's.
Not gonna work on you.
Unless I had a different sample of my writing to prove that that's how I do my E's.
- Whoo-pow! - Ah, yeah.
Capital E, perfect way, with an S to impress.
- Yeah.
See? There you - So Chelsea's a suspect then? - It's Culp and Danner.
- There's still a big gap between Brett and Aniq's story, including Aniq's hazy period before he passed out when he was drunk and conveniently doesn't remember anything.
Right now, he's up to something in the bathroom.
Just saying.
We've got to get out of here.
I've got to get everybody's writing samples.
If I'm gonna clear my name, I need hard evidence.
Holy shit, dude.
Holy shit.
I just saved your life.
Say thank you now.
- Thank you.
- You want hard evidence? There is a secret hidden camera in Xavier's bedroom.
It is in Oates's eye in the Private Eyes movie poster.
Watching you.
Or maybe it was Hall.
I don't know which is which.
You installed cameras? It wasn't me.
It was a different company.
You should never use them.
You should come to me.
But I noticed them when I was installing my A/V equipment.
Do you know what that means? - There's evidence that exonerates me.
- Yes! That shows the real killer! That shows that you are not the killer.
- Yasper, you're amazing.
- I am amazing.
- Have a dance, have a dance.
- Yeah.
Have a dance.
This really should be more intuitive.
Okay.
Go ahead and just rewind it back by three hours.
You know what? It looks like the laptop is hooked up into the consoles.
This does not look very user-friendly.
I would have nailed this out of the park, but I think I can help you access the footage.
- We're good.
- Hey.
- Just let the police do their thing.
- All right, A/V guy? It doesn't seem like this guy knows what he's doing.
Suspects do not handle evidence! 'Kay? Thank you.
You're pressing the wrong buttons.
Please.
Stand back.
Thanks.
- I can't watch this.
- Okay.
Literally called him "A/V guy.
" Just click on this right here, and then that one You know what I'm gonna do? I am going to craft a meanly worded tweet.
And here it comes.
@marincountysheriffsdepartment, add me to the long list of people who have been oppressed by the police.
- Don't write that.
- Too much.
I should think before I type.
- Okay.
Well, double-click this.
- No.
I've already done that, Danner.
- Well, let me try.
Let me try.
- No.
Oh, my God.
- Uh, what the - No, no, no.
- No.
- What, what, what? - No, no.
- What button did you just push? - No.
- What button did you just push? See? You should've let me help you out.
There's gotta be a backup or something.
Call the security company.
It's a closed-circuit security system, so everything is saved to exactly that.
If they erase it, it's gone forever.
They screwed up.
Damn it! It's the only thing exonerating me.
We go on.
- Did you say, "We go on?" - No.
Okay.
How about this? You get those handwriting samples.
I'll take care of this.
Watch this.
Uh-oh.
Listen, I'm not a "I told you so" type guy, so who cares about what just happened? I told you so.
But I'm gonna help you out, okay? I knew Xavier probably better than anybody else here, and I was with Aniq for almost the entire night, so I can tell you details of every second of his whereabouts.
Let me go next.
You know what? You better not be wasting my time.
We're gonna just wrap you up.
I'm telling you, you're gonna love this.
I'm a storyteller With music Not so adorkable anymore, huh? Did you call me adorkable? What? - Uh, get your hand off my recorder.
- You got it.
- And have a seat over here.
- Over there is fine.
- Thank you.
- See you in a bit.
All right.
This one's gonna break me.
So tell me your story.
From the beginning.
The whole night.
- You wanna hear it from the top? - Yeah, from the tip-top.
Okay.
Mmm.
Turn me up.
Turn the snare up.
What are you doing? Why are you nodding your head? Feeling the beat.
Give me a second.
Yasper in the house! Let's go! Whoa! Okay! Ned! Hey! Oh! Yasper! Looking hot! - Chelsea! Mwah, mwah! - Mwah, mwah! Oh! - Hey, Yasper.
It's me.
- Okay.
You guys wanna see me flip? You wanna see me flip? Whoop.
- Hey, Yas! - Oh! Bah, bah, don't do it to him Bah, duh, duh How great is this party? - It's okay.
- Oh, no.
How do I look? Have you seen Zoë? Think this top button is too formal? You're too nervous.
You're thinking about stuff too much, okay? Tonight is a second chance for both of us.
You're gonna hook up with Zoë, and I'm gonna get Xavier to bless my track.
Okay, uh, hold on a second.
Oh, sorry.
I forgot.
You're a civilian, right? Let me explain it to you.
Blessing a track, it works like this.
A huge artist, a real famous artist, goes on an emerging artist's track, right? It's like a musical cosign saying, "This guy's incredible.
Listen to this guy.
I'm about to rap next to this guy 'cause he's so good," right? Perfect example is 50 Cent appeared on the Game's first track.
Changed the game for the Game.
Why would a big star like Xavier wanna help you? - You're just a A/V guy.
- Xavier and I, we were in a ska band together in high school.
You should check it out.
Do you have a helmet? If you put on the helmet, 'cause it might blow your freaking mind.
- It's really good.
- Mmm.
But that's what it is for us, right? We were in a band together, so we are bonded by the beat.
Let's just back it up for a second.
So, you you show up to the party.
- And you are just jumping and flipping.
- That's me, yeah.
You seem a little tall to be in gymnastics.
Yeah, that's what my coach said.
But look at me now.
I got, like, 40,000 participation trophies at home.
And also, I was hype.
I was feeling incredible.
I was feeling good, 'cause I knew tonight was my second shot to be a star.
But I also wanted to help Aniq with his mission.
I don't know.
Maybe I should just forget about the whole Zoë thing.
I mean, I had my shot in high school, and I didn't take it.
What? No, no, no.
See, that's the fear talking.
Now listen up close, 'cause this may sound shocking.
- You about to rap? - Yep! We all get a moment where the stars align The universe gives us a verse in the song of time The spotlight swings our way and it's our time to shine We're handed a mic on the stage of life Time to rhyme But what happens if you choked And you didn't catch a break? If you fail, do you bail with your tail between your legs? What about those of us who missed our shot, didn't rise to the top Never became the cream and we just remained the crop? I've heard it said before that we get one shot in life And even though that may be true It's not exactly right 'Cause here's a secret even though we get one shot in life We all get that one shot twice We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words we get two shots in life That's right we all get one shot twice The way you're saying It's confusing, but I think I understand Everybody gets one shot Times a second chance? Exactly, somehow I didn't make it with my ska band Apparently pop, punk or brass doesn't win you fans So do I hang up my suspenders Porkpie and trombone? Be content installing A/V equipment in people's homes? Hell no, because life's gonna throw you two bones That's right We get to kill one bird with two stones Eric Stoltz couldn't go back in time and get rehired As Marty in Back to the Future after he was fired But then he got a cool supporting role in Pulp Fiction And now he's a sought-after director of television We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words We get two shots at life That's right We all get one shot twice - Two shots - To launch a second career - Two shots - Like my Uncle Amir - Two shots - He was a lawyer Now he's kick-starting a microbrew 'Cause you don't get one shot You get two I fell in love with Zoë in Mr.
Shapiro's class Chemistry partners whose chemistry was unmatched Maybe with the exception of hydrogen and oxygen - Water - But I never made a move So she walked to the altar With another dude and I got so depressed I fell apart like The West Wing after Sorkin left I was filled with regret But if this song is correct I missed my one shot at love But I got one shot left And now it's time for my verse Tonight for me is gonna be If your first movie bombs Make a better sequel You fail the bar exam Become a paralegal Your first band, the Quarrymen doesn't move the needle Form a second band and call it the fucking Beatles Oh We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words We get two shots at life That's right We all get one shot twice - Two shots - We all get one shot twice We all get one shot twice In other words We get two shots at life That's right We all get one shot twice Two shots You know, normally, I would want to hear every single detail.
But with you, I would just love it if you could just skip to the part where Aniq gets drunk and what happened.
I can't skip ahead.
I'm telling you a story here.
I'm building character arcs, dynamics, all these things.
A's, B's, whoo, whoo, whoo.
You gotta enjoy it, okay? You're gonna It's gonna be worth it in the end.
And then you're gonna be like, "I wish you did more of this," so Inhale your love for the fetus and exhale the toxins.
Somebody's in here.
There's a person in here.
- Hi.
- Oh, uh, yeah.
What is it that you're doing exactly? I'm trying to meditate to stay calm.
Yeah, totally.
Uh, could you write on this piece of paper, "I have diarrhea" or "don't have diarrhea"? I'm sorry.
You interrupted my sacred meditation for diarrhea? No.
Actually, I interrupted you for a game about diarrhea.
See All right.
Imagine a town, all right? With villagers.
With ghosts.
With a barrel of clams.
And one toilet.
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna do it.
And that way, you could probably just leave me alone afterwards.
- All right.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Thinking about calling it "Spooky Dookies.
" - Okay.
There you go.
- Thank you.
All right.
Whoa.
What is this? Like, the British spelling? Oh, Australian actually.
Uh, my recent trip to Melbourne is where my baby was conceived.
- Yeah, that's enough.
I appreciate that.
- Okay.
And so the villagers are kind of just deciding amongst themselves, like, - whether they do or don't have it.
- Aniq.
Why would you think it's appropriate to play a game right now? - And it's about diarrhea? - Somebody say diarrhea game? Uh - I'm in.
- Oh, okay.
Uh, yeah.
So you're just gonna write whether you do or don't have diarrhea.
And then you initial right there.
Uh, an H in the middle.
That's new.
Diarhrea! I love this game.
Yes! - Okay.
I know it sounds weird.
- Yeah.
So Aniq was just obsessed with being alone with Zoë.
So while he was pursuing that, I went to find Xavier to reconnect our bond so I can ask him to Hit me with it! - Bless your track? - That's it! Xavier.
My God, I didn't know you were going to be here.
Yeah.
No, I'm just trying to keep a low profile tonight.
Just blend in, you know? But you came in on a helicopter, right? Yeah, right.
But we came in real low.
Under-the-radar type of deal, you know.
Ah.
You, baby.
- You know it.
- You know what? We gotta catch up.
Say, by the bar? I'll get you a drink.
Yeah.
I could use another drink.
You want one? - Mmm.
I'm good, thanks.
- Okay, yeah.
BRB.
- Be around, baby.
BRB.
- Uh, it means "be right back.
" - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, two shots.
Man, we have been through some unbelievable stuff.
Unforgettable, you and me.
Can you believe it? And here we are.
The two-man band reunites.
Are you talking about Ska-pe Diem reuniting? Ska.
So fucking dumb.
So dumb.
But also, like, I guess, super important and dedicated to ending racism, right? I guess we weren't all that bad for lame-ass teenagers.
We had our moments.
Hey, you know what? To moments.
- What do you think? - Good.
Ready? Oh.
- Oh! - Whoo! - You were still going by Eugene back then.
- Oh.
Do you remember? Until I was like, "Go by your middle name.
You gotta go by Xavier.
" - That's right.
That was you.
- You're the one with the middle name.
- I was just like, "Use it.
" - You changed my life, man.
Yes.
'Cause the party's never ending And we're skanking till it's late! Ooh, that song was fire, man.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know, I'm I'm I'm actually, uh, - making my own music right now.
- Are you? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- Good for you, man.
That's great.
- Thanks.
- Whoa.
Hey, where did Zoë go? Hey, actually, you know what? Um Shit.
I'm sure people ask you this stuff all the time, but, um, man, I'd really love it if you could bless one of my tracks.
Oh.
Just like an intro, or, "Here comes Yasper," or something like that.
- Something classic you.
- Yeah.
It doesn't have to be a big thing.
- Maybe one day.
- What about tonight at the after-party? We can go to your place, and we can just record it in the studio that I installed.
What What do you say? Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Yeah! He said, "Yeah, sure, whatever" Three words and 16 letters That mean, "I unambiguously agree to bless your track" And there's no way that I'm misinterpreting that Here we go! "Yeah, sure, whatever" Means we're gonna work together And turn Yasper into a household name He wants to do for me what 50 did for the Game Minus their ensuing beef That exchange could not have gone better I can't believe he said "Yeah, sure, whatever" "Yeah" is just a cool guy's way of saying yes "Sure" means he's absolutely positive he wants to bless But of the three words The third is the best "Whatever" means the possibilities are endless The music-streaming apps are all gonna crash Too many people will be listening to my track I'll hang with Meghan, Harry Jay-Z and Bey 'Cause they're the only ones who will be able to relate To the pressures of my level of fame I'll develop a drug problem Probably cocaine He said, "Yeah, sure, whatever" Yasper featuring Xavier We'll be number one in 195 countries They'll make a sequel to A Star is Born starring me These balloons can support my weight.
Whoa.
"Yeah, sure, whatever" Let's celebrate my success together This dance is spontaneous It's totally not choreographed And I will stand up on this table and tap-dance Everybody, now! Whatever, whatever Uh, guys.
Hey.
Hey, guys? Don't just sing "whatever" It sounds much worse when you leave out "yeah" and "sure" - Whatever - Okay.
That's really mature Are we back in high school? I'm gonna be a national treasure - Yeah, sure! - Okay, you know what? Whatever Chelsea? Just get in.
Uh, that's my car.
This is my car, everybody.
What's happening? Hey.
Hey.
Those aren't keys.
That's your lipstick, and you've ruined it.
Yeah, I should not I'm not It's Oh! And, you know, it's anger, you know? And And Saint Patrick's Day party.
He's gonna be sorry.
Wait.
Stop, stop.
Who's gonna be sorry? - Oh.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
I gotta get to the after-party.
You can't drive, all right? How about this? I can give you a ride.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
I'm touched you asked me to play your game.
Yeah.
Well, everybody is, uh, participating, so it's not - It means a lot.
- Mm-hmm.
- Sorry.
Oh.
Uh, Walt.
- That's enough.
Oh.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh, Zoë.
I'm s-sorry I was I was so pushy earlier.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I didn't consider this is probably really hard for you too.
And I'm worried about you.
Everyone seems to think you did it.
Everyone.
It's all anyone's talking about.
Sorry, you're you.
That's not funny.
The real reason I'm getting everybody to do this is so I can find out who killed Xavier.
What? Well, it's complicated.
But whoever writes "diarrhea" the same way it's written on my neck may be the killer.
Plus, I think I created a pretty pretty fun game.
- There's three rounds, so each tier - What does it look like on your neck? Uh, you know, I'll I'll I'll show you after.
Are you being serious? I don't think you could've killed anyone, let alone draw on me when I was passed out.
Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that last part.
You drew on me? What Well, what did you draw? Guess you'll have to find out.
- You've got to wonder - Oh! if she changed her handwriting because she knew it was a test.
Is that smart? It's amazing you're still here.
Thank you.
So we rolled into the after-party.
And I texted Xavier.
What an impressive, fabulous ride, Yasper.
Well, thank you very much.
And it's mine.
That's 100 perc He's texting.
He's texting back right now.
Oh, I hate this perfectly beautiful, amazing house.
He's still texting.
Still texting.
Do you guys see Xavier anywhere? Uh, Xavier Schmavier.
Still texting.
Maybe he's probably thinking about the perfect way to bless my track.
Hey, buddy.
If you need it, I'll bless your track, 'kay? Why is this taking so long? Yes.
Yasper.
How's it going, man? I don't know yet.
This is my second shot The last one I got My whole future's in his fingertips Will I be a superstar? Or will I remain a four-and-a-half star A/V installation guy on Angie's List? Am I destined for glory or not? I can't stand this purgatory Of the dot Dot Dot I'm three dots From stardom All of my dreams may come true When his text finally comes through Three dots From stardom Is this a new beginning for me or the end? Come on, bro, just fucking press send Come on, man.
Just one text.
Please.
Who knows, tomorrow I could be partying with supermodels Drinking champagne by the bottle Is this guy writing me a novel? I'm here Are you DTB? Doesn't merit a very lengthy response You can make it brief A simple Y meaning yes is all I need Who the hell types for this long? The entire duration of a song Aniq.
I mean, it's just a dress.
Just a dress? Nah, nah.
That's a statement with an exclamation point.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You know it.
What's up, man? - Hey, Brett.
- Yeah.
- Brett? What the hell? - Whoops.
Are you okay? Oh, I'm aces, baby.
- You're very drunk.
Aniq.
Aniq.
- You're so talented.
Hey, Xavier.
Xavier.
I'm still waiting for that text.
- Remember me, bro? - I remember, bitch.
- Oh, I remember you.
- Oh, yeah? What do you remember? It's all falling apart.
Flaming Jell-O shots! - No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
- Oh, that's terrible.
- No, no.
- One more.
No, that's a candle.
That's a candle.
- You're a candle.
- Whoops, here you go.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
I'm three dots From stardom To deny the world of this voice would be a shame I'm so talented Check out my vocal range Three dots From stardom I could have a song at the top of the charts If Xavier would just sing an itty-bitty part Will I be famous? Will I be rich? The only thing standing in my way - Is this - Dot, dot, dot Ellipsis Two verses, three choruses, one bridge and a broken heart.
What? Did you see anything else? Did you see what happened? I was lost in 4/4 time.
But But when I did see Aniq, I came to his rescue again.
Could you close your legs, please? Thank you.
I'm so pumped I brought my pranking pen.
Ned, what is wrong with you? - That's not funny.
Get off of him.
- It's pranks.
I put a mustache - It's very original.
- Why is that funny? It's a mustache.
It's not funny now.
It'll be funny when he wakes up.
Aniq, you okay, buddy? Can you hear me? What happened with your pants? How is that even possible? By the way, the mustache looks good.
A little Lando.
I'm gonna get you some pants, okay? Could be me one day.
Oh, Mr.
Shapiro! What's going on, dude? I didn't know you were gonna It's a bad time.
It's a bad time? Okay.
Oh.
Hi, Heather.
A hero has come.
Yeah, now your penis won't be out to the world.
Do you know what I mean? Listen to me.
I will always be by your side.
No matter what happens, I'm here for you.
We've been through so much Oh, baby! It's back on, baby! Let's go! You ready for a hit track, Zoë? Whoo! All for one and fuck 'em all! What a twist! What happened? - Chels, ready for some music magic? - Nah.
I think I'm gonna go home.
No, you can't.
There's gonna be a listening party.
What's wrong? Tell me.
I was gonna do a thing tonight, and it didn't work out.
Can I tell you something that is gonna blow your brains? I'm about to record a track with Xavier.
It's the first time since Ska-pe Diem.
Ska-pe Diem, the premier East Bay Area high school ska band from the mid-2000s? Oh, my God.
You know all about us because we were incredible in high school.
Yeah, my head exploded off my body, and I had no head for a week.
That's not the point, I'm so sorry.
The point is, take your shot now.
It is never too late to ska-pe diem.
Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm living proof.
Look at this.
From this side now.
And this.
You are the most inspiring individual I've ever met.
- Thank you, Yasper.
- What a great conversation.
Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold up, hold up.
This is serious, okay? Does everybody know what time it is? It's time to party.
Oh, okay.
She's going over there too.
I guess her thing involves him.
That's cool.
Oh.
Bringing him over here.
My man, to the recording studio.
It is time for us to Okay, they're going up there.
It's this way.
Ah, X.
Okay, you know what? I'll see you in the recording studio in ten minutes.
Not a big deal.
Take your time.
Don't rush.
Good for her.
That's fine.
I can wait it out.
No problem.
In the meantime, though Obviously, I had to take a selfie to memorialize the historic moment.
What, this thing? That's good.
Xavier's text said Track 12 in the Work in Progress folder would work for our collab.
So I opened it up.
How great is this party Ooh! No! No! How great is this party? I don't get it.
What's so funny? You may wanna write this down to remember it later, so you can talk about it yourself.
So, right when Xavier and I transitioned from Sublime covers to originals, I came up with the perfect musical philosophy.
- The four categories of songs.
- Please do not list them.
"I love you, or I hate you, but I secretly love you.
" - Okay, those I like.
- Right? - That's a great type of song.
- Uh-huh.
"I'm so great," or "My hometown's so great.
" "Come on, everybody.
Listen up, this is important.
" See, those are your issues songs.
Those are your Bono's, - your Macklemore's, know what I'm saying? - Mm-hmm.
People that have something to say.
To give something to society.
And then number four Drumroll, please.
Hit me with a drumroll.
You're not doing it.
Hit me with a drumroll.
I'll do it.
Do it with me.
You don't have to.
That's fine.
"How great is this party?" That's the party anthem, because every single time Xavier and I played together, I would grab the microphone and yell, "How great is this party?" And people would go nuts.
That's why Xavier said that I inspired it.
Wow.
Congratulations, man.
It sounds like to me you got one rosebush just growing on a big ol' pile of shit.
From you, it means so much.
Thank you very much.
So, Xav's track was good, but it lacked hype.
The secret ingredient.
Luckily, I had the perfect source.
Our MLK Day concert.
How great is this party? So I sampled the audio of myself shouting "How great is this party?" and put it on the track.
How great is this party? How great is this party? In the back now.
- How How How - She don't wanna leave - But she leaving with me - How How Fuck around and sip Bacardà But nine minutes had already gone by, and Xav still wasn't done with Chelsea.
I couldn't risk it.
How How great is this party? So I ideated an idea.
How great is this How great is this party? Five, six, seven 'Cause the party's never ending What on earth? Now we're picking up the rhythm but also erasing hate Solo! - Hey.
- Oh, my God.
- What happened to me? - Wait a second.
Are you okay? - Are you all right? - Who did this to me? - It was Xavier, wasn't it? - I really don't think it was Xavier.
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna, like, freak out or anything, you know? I'm not gonna, like, hurt him.
- Could you imagine? - No.
I'm just gonna explain to Xavier that his pranks aren't okay.
They weren't in high school, - and they're not now.
All right? - Aniq.
- I'll be right back, okay? - Okay.
If you see him, could you tell him to meet me in the recording studio? One, two A lot of people think that having fun is bad 'Cause if you are having fun That means someone else is sad, but if Oh! That's when I heard the scream.
Can I see the text messages you were talking about? Of course.
I mean, these could be the very last words he ever texted.
Um, "Track 12 in WIP folder should work for our collab.
You inspired it.
Be there in Be there in ten minutes.
" This definitely narrows down the time of death.
There you go.
I was so close to my dreams.
And And now they're gone.
And so is Xavier.
You know what? I understand what you're going through.
You've got dreams.
You're a hustler.
We're both alike in a lot of ways.
Are you hitting on me? Hell no.
Often.
Stress.
And I know how to spell it, by the way.
Besides, I've never had it before.
My stools are rock-hard.
Always.
Oh.
Cool.
- Healthy.
- Okay.
Hey, Chelsea.
How's it going? Hey, Aniq.
You can come closer.
I'm I'm not crazy.
No, I know.
Yeah.
Here I come.
Ooh.
Hey, Chelsea.
- Uh - That's better.
So, a bunch of us are playing this fun game where you Kind of, you you write down, like, a a sentence.
That's the game? You write a sentence? There's three rounds to it, and so in the first round, uh, it's it's called the villager round, so everybody's a villager, - so everybody writes down - You know, I just I I don't really feel like playing any games.
Well, the only way the game works is if everybody kind of plays, and you're the only one who hasn't done it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
I'm pretty sure.
I got Ned, I got I got Brett, I got Jenn 1, I Oh, my God.
Hey, can I say one more thing? There's no way Aniq could have done this.
I'm telling you, the last person to have seen Xavier was Chelsea, right? They were in the room together.
And I can't speak on her mental state, but I can speak to Aniq's, and he's just He's too good of a guy.
He's like a real kind human being.
His heart is made of cotton candy and gummy bears and jollies that you just want to pop into your mouth and go I am glad that we are done here.
Jenn 1.
- Exhale the toxins.
- I'm calm.
I'm not raising my voice.
I am inviting you to stop barging in on me like a giant asshole.
Yeah.
This This is important.
Oh! Detective Danner? I crushed it.
She loved my My BFF, Jennifer 2 What about her? She's missing.
She was here when I woke up, and now she's not.
Yeah.
And she's nowhere in the house.
I keep calling and calling.
There's a chance we may have a second victim on our hands.
Okay, Angela Lansbury.
This is our case.
So No.
You know what? He might be right.
Why don't you recheck every room in the house and outside? Absolutely.
Fuck you.
- Detective, you said outside? - Mm-hmm.
That has to be your number one priority.
She will not fare well in the wild.
Wait a second.
Who could possibly have it out for Jennifer 2? - I don't know.
- Detective.
We found something wedged between the rocks near Xavier's body.
Is it Jennifer 2? It's Jennifer 2.
I know.
I knew it.
She's dead.
Oh.
Chelsea.
Yeah.
It's mine.