The Big Door Prize (2023) s01e03 Episode Script
Jacob
Hello?
Is someone in here?
I-I have bat and a Taser,
and-and I know Krav Maga, so
What the hell?
Okay.
Yes. Jesus.
Yeah, okay.
Jacob, what the hell is this?
I don't know. It's like
a video game or something.
Where did it come from?
I-I don't know. You don't know?
What do you mean you don't know?
Weren't you here, stocking shelves?
Yeah, definitely. I just
had my headphones on, but
You were here the whole time?
Yeah.
So, it just appeared like magic?
Yeah.
"Discover your life potential."
You think people might
actually use this thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, apparently, Principal
Pat had been there for an hour.
Yeah. She could've died
if Jacob hadn't found her.
Hey-oh, the hero's here! I gotta go.
- Hey.
- Okay. All right.
Shouldn't you be at work?
I don't know. Should people
who quit their jobs be at work?
- What?
- Yeah, man. You inspired me.
You're running around
saving people's lives,
and here I am, driving a Zamboni
in circles for a shit wage.
I'm not saving people's
lives. I dialed 911.
At most, I should be praised
for knowing how to use a phone.
Hey, Jake, check it out.
I made you a face.
Just like your mom used to.
Except we didn't have
onions, so I used celery.
And the eggs are past the
sell-by date, but they smell fine.
- You don't have to eat 'em
- Okay.
All right, what's going on, Dad?
Why are you making breakfast
and conversation with me?
- Why are you calling me "Jake"?
- Because, Jacob.
Look, I know
that you and I
aren't super tight.
And I know that you've had to
pick up a lot of slack around here
for a long time, but I'm
gonna step up my game now.
Uh, I-I don't really think I need that.
I should get to school.
- Cool. But hey, Sport
- No.
With this whole Principal Pat thing,
I just wanted to say
awesome.
All right.
Yeah!
Dude, why'd you save the
principal? Fricking nerd!
I'm just kidding, man. I'm just
kidding. I fricking adore you.
All right, everybody just
Let's give Jacob a chance to settle in.
I'm sure that we all know by now
what was written on Jacob's card.
And I know that a lot
of you are very excited,
because it seems like he's
fulfilled his "potential."
But this is a history class.
I happen to think that we
can learn things from history.
Let's talk about what would happen
if the MORPHO machine existed
at some key historical moments.
Okay, Rita. You are Abraham Lincoln,
and you're about to start your law
practice in Springfield, Illinois.
- Okay.
- Or are you?
Because I am the MORPHO machine,
and I have given you
a card that tells you
your potential is actually to be
- "Candy maker."
- So now the question is, Mr. Lincoln,
do you pursue a career making
sour worms and lollipops,
or do you continue your trajectory
of setting up a law practice
and becoming the most influential
president in American history?
I guess I become a lawyer?
Of course you do.
He'd still be alive though.
- What?
- Lincoln.
No one would've assassinated
him for being a candy maker.
America would've missed out
on a pretty great
president, don't you think?
Isn't it true that in his Peoria
speech, it was Lincoln's position
to force slaves to leave America
if and when they were freed?
Uh-huh.
You know, strictly speaking, this
is a European history class, Rita,
so let's just try and
stay on that lesson plan.
Um, Savannah. Would Henry I
have signed the Treaty of Alton
if the MORPHO machine had told
him that he was supposed to be a
I don't know, a janitor?
We never got to the Treaty of Alton.
You keep doing lectures
about the MORPHO.
I bring it up because
I see a lot of people
diving into whatever a
machine tells them to do,
instead of really thinking
about the consequences.
Didn't you get "Teacher"?
And aren't you teaching right now?
- Yeah.
- I'm trying to.
Okay.
Let's tr I've got
a surprise for you guys.
We gonna watch another movie?
No, we are not watching another movie.
I'm gonna make a little
call to someone you know
who will have some interesting
thoughts on the MORPHO machine,
I would've thought.
Okay. I probably should've dialed
her in before announcing it, but
Oh, no, hold it. Hey
- Hello, Principal Pat! How are you feeling?
- Better than I look,
which isn't saying much, I know.
You look fine.
Listen, I'm so sorry to
hear about your accident,
which was brought about because
you were recklessly
pursuing your potential.
Do you wanna talk us
through what happened?
Well, you all know
what happened, Dusty.
Jacob Kovac saved my dang life.
Yep Yeah, okay, but right
before that happened, what happened?
Well, I was pursuing my potential
and having the time of my life.
Ooh, I can't wait to
get back on my bike.
But, no, in the meantime,
I have Mr. Malik here
keeping me company.
- Hello, students!
- Hello.
The only pain I'm in is the
pain of missing the first
homecoming basketball
game tonight.
The doctor says I'm in no condition
to do my dunk off the trampoline.
Oh, no, that's such a shame.
That's always the highlight of
the pre-game festivities for me,
and now we're all gonna miss out,
simply because you pursued your
Wait a minute. I have an idea.
What if my hero, Jacob,
does the dunk in my place?
Hell, yeah! My boy Jacob! It'd
be like a tribute to his brother.
Except he could actually dunk,
and you'll be using a trampoline.
You want me to embarrass myself
in front of the entire school?
It's what Kolton would have wanted.
Hey, Jacob.
I just wanted to say how amazing it was,
what you did for Principal Pat.
- It really is like destiny or something.
- It's really not.
Where's your next class?
I can walk with you.
Unless you're not going to class?
I don't actually
I'm not.
Yeah, I
I have to go practice
for ch uh, chess club.
- You're in chess club?
- No, not yet.
So that's why I gotta go practice.
He's so fucking hot. Right?
You're asking me if my dead
boyfriend's identical twin is hot?
Sorry.
I guess that was insensitive.
Are you going to the game tonight?
I mean, obviously.
I'm in the band. We're
doing a tribute to Kolton.
Sorry.
I feel like I keep saying
the wrong thing to you.
No, um, I'm I'm sorry.
Today is just really, really weird.
You can say whatever you want.
Okay.
I think I might try out for chess.
So
What can I do you for, Jacob?
Well, I've been, uh, feeling a
little short of breath sometimes.
Uh-huh.
Uh, any big stresses in
your life at the moment?
Um I guess, maybe.
Why don't you tell me what's
wrong, and we can figure it out?
- Um, okay.
- Okay.
Well, um, my mom died a few years ago.
But, uh, I was barely
able to process it,
because I had to hold my family together
'cause my dad got super depressed.
Though he'd never admit it
because he's in denial, but
I basically had to be the parent
for me and my twin brother,
and then he died in a car
accident a few months ago,
which is also something I
can't talk to my dad about
because of his inability
to talk about anything real.
Which makes it feel like I'm
suffocating in my own house.
Which is a big reason I
smoke a shit-ton of weed,
and then I get a MORPHO
card that says I'm a hero,
but I definitely don't feel like a hero,
because I barely did
anything for Principal Pat.
And I can't possibly be
a hero like my brother,
which makes me feel
like a complete impostor.
You know?
Wow.
I feel exactly the same way.
What?
I just finished med school, and
now I'm running a medical office.
I'm not ready for this.
I have impostor syndrome,
just like you said.
I mean, that's just one
of many things I said.
But But I-I'm sure
you're good at what you do.
I mean, I thought I
was, till I got this.
Yeah, that's less than ideal, but
It's freaking me out.
When patients come
in, my mind goes blank.
All medical knowledge
just flies out the window.
If I see something I don't
recognize, I just say, "It's nothing."
It's really bad.
So, what should I do
about my panic attacks?
Well, as I said, my
mind is literally blank,
but if you figure something
out, please let me know.
Okay?
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta break away. We
gotta find you a new man.
One more, one more. Yes! Oh, great move!
- Hey
- Jake. Jacob. Look who stopped by.
Yeah. I came over to see
how your dad was doing.
'Cause of the tribute
to Kolton at the game.
So thoughtful, right?
I told her she should
stop by whenever she wants.
And she told me you're
doing the dunk tonight!
You kidding me?
My hero-boy doing the dunk?
Yeah. I'm super stoked about it.
What's happening here?
Well, since I quit my
job I quit my job.
I thought I'd get things accomplished.
And look at all this
great stuff I'm finding.
Look at this thing, huh?
Yeah, I'm really starting to see
the benefits of your unemployment.
Look, I found a bunch
of Kolton's old stuff.
Kolton's jersey.
You wanna wear it for the
dunk? As a tribute to Kolton?
I don't think that's a good idea.
I-I don't even wanna do the dunk, Da
You're gonna be great. Isn't he?
Come on. I can teach you.
I don't have a trampoline,
but I can build you a ramp.
I'm gonna chop up some wood.
If it makes you feel any better,
I don't think anyone expects you
to, like, get the ball in.
Principal Pat never misses.
No Okay.
I've been watching videos of
her dunks, and it's like
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
She got a slow start, but
Wow!
- She actually gets some serious air.
- Insane air.
You're not actually gonna
wear that to the game, are you?
I mean,
it's the first time I've heard my dad
say Kolton's name since he died, so
I feel like I don't wanna
shut him down right now.
Yeah.
I'm just glad he didn't ask
me to wear Kolton's jockstrap.
Yeah, I don't think you actually
need a jock for basketball, but, uh
Okay. I didn't know
you were such an expert.
Maybe you should do it.
Wear Kolton's jock? I'd be honored.
All right. Pinot for the lady.
Yeah.
- And a ginger ale for the man of God.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Wait, hold up. Hana. Hold up.
Hana's new in town. She doesn't
quite know what's going on.
No, I think I get it.
You guys all get drunk and go
to your kids' basketball games.
Yes.
Actually, I'm going as
an alumnus this evening.
I played a little hoop back in my
day, on top of hockey and track
I was on the team too.
And Cass was there.
Always cheering me on.
I was a cheerleader, so
I cheered on everyone.
- Ah.
- I just cheered for Jason Rodriguez.
Remember? He had that tattoo
of an eagle on his pelvic mound.
- Oh, God.
- On his pelvic mound?
I'll admit. I love a man with a tattoo.
You love a guy with a tattoo?
Okay, Cassie. Note to self.
Hey, remember senior year, uh
Father Reuben, you weren't there.
So, you might like to know that
legend has it, and the legend is true
that your boy scored a
half-court buzzer-beater.
Yeah, nothing but net.
Mmm. Sounds like something worth
holding on to decades later.
- Didn't we lose that game?
- Yes, we did. By a lot.
Yeah. Dusty had a clear view of
the scoreboard from the bench.
- Oh.
- I got some time
But nobody remembers the score, Big D.
They just remember the man and the ball.
Anyway. Enough about my triumphs.
I wanna guess everybody's MORPHO card.
- Mmm.
- Let's not do that. We don't wanna.
- Okay, I'm gonna clear these glasses.
- Well, obviously yours is "Party Pooper."
But no, seriously, let
me guess, bro. Yours is
Your potential is
"Man." Or "Generic Man."
I got "Teacher Whistler."
Yes. And in my opinion,
- the best teacher whistler in town.
- Hmm.
Boring. Okay. Nat, you're next.
Definitely got "Storyteller."
Oh. Who told you?
Father Reuben. "Priest," obviously.
Actually, I haven't used the
machine, and I don't plan to.
That's probably smart.
Because if you don't get
"Priest," people won't trust you.
Because the machine knows
everything apparently.
I bet you'd get "Priest," Father.
Save those two bucks for
something else. Now, Cass.
- Mm-hmm.
- Cass, Cass, Cassie, Cass. My Cass.
Okay. My initial thought is something
like "Model" or "Movie Star."
Maybe even "Goddess." But I feel
like it might be more specific.
Can you just guess, so
we can go to the game?
Hold on. It's gonna take
me a second to figure out
what the smartest, most
beautiful woman in town got.
But I'm stumped. Is
"Perfection" a potential?
No, but let me help you out.
- Because I got "Royalty."
- Yay!
Of course, dude. That makes
complete and total sense to me.
Also, I would really like one of those.
- I can make you one. I made that one.
- Yes, but mine is gonna say "Superstar,"
which actually pairs very well with
"Royalty," if you think about it.
But what I'm
confused about, though,
is how "Teacher" and
"Royalty" make sense together?
Oh, "Teacher/Whistler."
They make sense together because
we make sense together, which is why
- we've been together for 23 years.
- Three Yeah.
And also, those cards, they do
not tell you everything, okay?
Because "Teacher Whistler"
is not necessarily
all that Dusty is or can be.
- So, there.
- Oh, really?
Then be something else, Big D.
- Can we get some wings?
- Yeah.
Yes, wings. That's a good idea.
Good evening, Hooves fans,
or should I say, "Welcome, Hoovers!"
Now, as we welcome you back
to another great season
I am proud to announce
that tonight's game
is dedicated to the
memory of Kolton Kovac.
Kolton wasn't just the
captain of our team,
he was the captain of our hearts.
He was quite simply, an angel.
Which is why, tonight, the
Deerfield High Marching Band
will be performing "Angel"
by Shaggy, featuring Rayvon.
Oh, fuck.
Okay. We gotta go. Who's
gonna finish the hot wings?
I'll get in on it.
Oh. No, careful, Cassie.
They're hot wings.
So?
Well, since when do you like hot wings?
Since always.
What? We always get honey garlic.
Because you like honey garlic.
Oh, no. I didn't mean to start
something. Please don't fight, you guys.
Look, I've always liked spicy stuff.
It was just, you know, you really, um
you really went off
the deep end that time
we ordered medium salsa by accident.
- Well, my tongue nearly burned off, so
- Which is why we always get honey garlic.
You guys are gonna miss the tip-off.
I will get the check. You should go.
Aren't you coming, Father?
I'm not much of a sports fan, so
- Oh. Thank you.
- Bless you.
You're gonna have the
bar to yourself, Father.
You might even have the
whole town to yourself.
Be a good boy, Father.
Come on, Hoovers! Game time, baby!
Let's get this! Go, Hooves, go!
Go, Hooves, go!
- Go, Hooves, go!
- Wow.
- Thank you.
- Figured you need this.
After five minutes with
Giorgio, anyone would.
Oh, I actually like him. He's
super grounded and humble.
Speaks at the appropriate volume.
He's an inspiration.
- Just incredible.
- Mmm.
Hey.
How'd practice with your dad go?
Um
Bad enough that I guess
he decided not to come.
We were supposed to meet here, but
That sucks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I think my parents missed my
big sousaphone performance.
Uh, that was amazing, by the way.
The, um the big sousaphone was,
you know, definitely my favorite part.
Thanks.
It's not a "bigger" sousaphone.
Got it. It's a "big"
performance. Normal sousaphone.
Coach Eagleson originally
wanted us to play "It Wasn't Me."
Then I managed to talk
him down to "Angel,"
which still doesn't make any sense.
It's about this guy who has
trouble being monogamous.
You can't blame Coach Eagleson. I
mean, Kolton was a huge Shaggy fan.
Yeah. Total Shag head.
Shouldn't you be playing right now?
You know how heavy this thing is?
I don't think anyone
will notice. Or care.
Ooh, Trina's gonna be so mad.
Do you see her? Do you see her?
Why would she be mad? She hates
when we come to her concerts.
Well, you told me that
the game started at 8:00.
Yeah, well, you told me that you
liked honey and garlic wings, so
Oh, my God. Dusty.
I like different kinds of
wings. Is that such a big deal?
It wouldn't have been a
big deal if you told me
at some point in our relationship.
I just went on thinking that you
were my honey and garlic girl.
But no, no. You like spicy
food and tattooed men.
What do I find out next?
You also enjoy meth?
Oh, no. You found my meth?
Okay. Let's go, slowpokes!
The game's about to start.
Clear the court. Respect the players.
Come on, "alumnuses," over here!
Uh Oh, Cass. I hope people don't
notice us in our funky sweatshirts.
Whoo-hoo! I hope that they do.
Now, I would've ordered
hot wings if I'd known.
Or at least half and half.
It's just How am I supposed to know
that you want something
different if you don't tell me?
Well, I'm telling you now.
And that's gotta be a good thing, right?
I mean, we can still
surprise each other.
Let's go, Hooves!
- Go, Hooves! Whoo!
- Let's go, Hooves! Let's get it, Hooves!
Something good, I hope?
Are you kidding me?
As if we needed any more
proof that this thing works.
I'm gonna get my camera.
And now, because Principal
Pat couldn't be here tonight,
to perform the ceremonial opening
dunk, Deerfield High's own hero,
and Kolton Kovac's loving
brother, Jacob Kovac!
- Yeah, go, Jacob!
- Let's go, Jacob!
Come on! Let's go! Whoo! Jacob!
They're making Jacob do the dunk?
How is that even a thing?
It's supposed to be for charity.
Principal Pat said
she'd give a 1,000 bucks
to the school library if she missed,
- and she's never missed.
- Oh.
Which is why our
library is just terrible.
Oh, my gosh. Poor thing.
He's probably freaking out.
- We have to show him that we love him.
- Right.
- Cass, what are you doing?
- Yes, Cassie.
Everything you do is amazing.
Hi. Sorry, Coach. Hey.
He-Hey! Hey! Deerfield!
Whoo!
All right, guys. Let's show our guy
some love and some support, yeah?
All right, let's go! Let's go.
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac!
Kovac!
Let's go, Jacob! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Game time!
So you want me to throw this to
you when you hit the trampoline?
I don't think I need to add any steps.
Oh, okay. But listen to me.
People are gonna think
that you can't do this
- Oh, I know I can't do this.
- You've got this.
Okay.
You got it.
Where did that come from?
I don't know. I was just feeling myself.
Go, Jacob!
You got this.
No!
- Not good.
- He's moving. He's moving. Um
We just got $1,000 for
the library, so Hey!
Mm-hmm.
Books! Books!
- Books! Books! Books! Books! Books!
- Books! Books! Books! Books!
- Books!
- Nope. Nobody cares about books.
- Okay.
- Um Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
I thought we said, "Never at school."
I know.
But after that stunning
display of athletic prowess,
how could I resist?
Stunning.
Is someone in here?
I-I have bat and a Taser,
and-and I know Krav Maga, so
What the hell?
Okay.
Yes. Jesus.
Yeah, okay.
Jacob, what the hell is this?
I don't know. It's like
a video game or something.
Where did it come from?
I-I don't know. You don't know?
What do you mean you don't know?
Weren't you here, stocking shelves?
Yeah, definitely. I just
had my headphones on, but
You were here the whole time?
Yeah.
So, it just appeared like magic?
Yeah.
"Discover your life potential."
You think people might
actually use this thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, apparently, Principal
Pat had been there for an hour.
Yeah. She could've died
if Jacob hadn't found her.
Hey-oh, the hero's here! I gotta go.
- Hey.
- Okay. All right.
Shouldn't you be at work?
I don't know. Should people
who quit their jobs be at work?
- What?
- Yeah, man. You inspired me.
You're running around
saving people's lives,
and here I am, driving a Zamboni
in circles for a shit wage.
I'm not saving people's
lives. I dialed 911.
At most, I should be praised
for knowing how to use a phone.
Hey, Jake, check it out.
I made you a face.
Just like your mom used to.
Except we didn't have
onions, so I used celery.
And the eggs are past the
sell-by date, but they smell fine.
- You don't have to eat 'em
- Okay.
All right, what's going on, Dad?
Why are you making breakfast
and conversation with me?
- Why are you calling me "Jake"?
- Because, Jacob.
Look, I know
that you and I
aren't super tight.
And I know that you've had to
pick up a lot of slack around here
for a long time, but I'm
gonna step up my game now.
Uh, I-I don't really think I need that.
I should get to school.
- Cool. But hey, Sport
- No.
With this whole Principal Pat thing,
I just wanted to say
awesome.
All right.
Yeah!
Dude, why'd you save the
principal? Fricking nerd!
I'm just kidding, man. I'm just
kidding. I fricking adore you.
All right, everybody just
Let's give Jacob a chance to settle in.
I'm sure that we all know by now
what was written on Jacob's card.
And I know that a lot
of you are very excited,
because it seems like he's
fulfilled his "potential."
But this is a history class.
I happen to think that we
can learn things from history.
Let's talk about what would happen
if the MORPHO machine existed
at some key historical moments.
Okay, Rita. You are Abraham Lincoln,
and you're about to start your law
practice in Springfield, Illinois.
- Okay.
- Or are you?
Because I am the MORPHO machine,
and I have given you
a card that tells you
your potential is actually to be
- "Candy maker."
- So now the question is, Mr. Lincoln,
do you pursue a career making
sour worms and lollipops,
or do you continue your trajectory
of setting up a law practice
and becoming the most influential
president in American history?
I guess I become a lawyer?
Of course you do.
He'd still be alive though.
- What?
- Lincoln.
No one would've assassinated
him for being a candy maker.
America would've missed out
on a pretty great
president, don't you think?
Isn't it true that in his Peoria
speech, it was Lincoln's position
to force slaves to leave America
if and when they were freed?
Uh-huh.
You know, strictly speaking, this
is a European history class, Rita,
so let's just try and
stay on that lesson plan.
Um, Savannah. Would Henry I
have signed the Treaty of Alton
if the MORPHO machine had told
him that he was supposed to be a
I don't know, a janitor?
We never got to the Treaty of Alton.
You keep doing lectures
about the MORPHO.
I bring it up because
I see a lot of people
diving into whatever a
machine tells them to do,
instead of really thinking
about the consequences.
Didn't you get "Teacher"?
And aren't you teaching right now?
- Yeah.
- I'm trying to.
Okay.
Let's tr I've got
a surprise for you guys.
We gonna watch another movie?
No, we are not watching another movie.
I'm gonna make a little
call to someone you know
who will have some interesting
thoughts on the MORPHO machine,
I would've thought.
Okay. I probably should've dialed
her in before announcing it, but
Oh, no, hold it. Hey
- Hello, Principal Pat! How are you feeling?
- Better than I look,
which isn't saying much, I know.
You look fine.
Listen, I'm so sorry to
hear about your accident,
which was brought about because
you were recklessly
pursuing your potential.
Do you wanna talk us
through what happened?
Well, you all know
what happened, Dusty.
Jacob Kovac saved my dang life.
Yep Yeah, okay, but right
before that happened, what happened?
Well, I was pursuing my potential
and having the time of my life.
Ooh, I can't wait to
get back on my bike.
But, no, in the meantime,
I have Mr. Malik here
keeping me company.
- Hello, students!
- Hello.
The only pain I'm in is the
pain of missing the first
homecoming basketball
game tonight.
The doctor says I'm in no condition
to do my dunk off the trampoline.
Oh, no, that's such a shame.
That's always the highlight of
the pre-game festivities for me,
and now we're all gonna miss out,
simply because you pursued your
Wait a minute. I have an idea.
What if my hero, Jacob,
does the dunk in my place?
Hell, yeah! My boy Jacob! It'd
be like a tribute to his brother.
Except he could actually dunk,
and you'll be using a trampoline.
You want me to embarrass myself
in front of the entire school?
It's what Kolton would have wanted.
Hey, Jacob.
I just wanted to say how amazing it was,
what you did for Principal Pat.
- It really is like destiny or something.
- It's really not.
Where's your next class?
I can walk with you.
Unless you're not going to class?
I don't actually
I'm not.
Yeah, I
I have to go practice
for ch uh, chess club.
- You're in chess club?
- No, not yet.
So that's why I gotta go practice.
He's so fucking hot. Right?
You're asking me if my dead
boyfriend's identical twin is hot?
Sorry.
I guess that was insensitive.
Are you going to the game tonight?
I mean, obviously.
I'm in the band. We're
doing a tribute to Kolton.
Sorry.
I feel like I keep saying
the wrong thing to you.
No, um, I'm I'm sorry.
Today is just really, really weird.
You can say whatever you want.
Okay.
I think I might try out for chess.
So
What can I do you for, Jacob?
Well, I've been, uh, feeling a
little short of breath sometimes.
Uh-huh.
Uh, any big stresses in
your life at the moment?
Um I guess, maybe.
Why don't you tell me what's
wrong, and we can figure it out?
- Um, okay.
- Okay.
Well, um, my mom died a few years ago.
But, uh, I was barely
able to process it,
because I had to hold my family together
'cause my dad got super depressed.
Though he'd never admit it
because he's in denial, but
I basically had to be the parent
for me and my twin brother,
and then he died in a car
accident a few months ago,
which is also something I
can't talk to my dad about
because of his inability
to talk about anything real.
Which makes it feel like I'm
suffocating in my own house.
Which is a big reason I
smoke a shit-ton of weed,
and then I get a MORPHO
card that says I'm a hero,
but I definitely don't feel like a hero,
because I barely did
anything for Principal Pat.
And I can't possibly be
a hero like my brother,
which makes me feel
like a complete impostor.
You know?
Wow.
I feel exactly the same way.
What?
I just finished med school, and
now I'm running a medical office.
I'm not ready for this.
I have impostor syndrome,
just like you said.
I mean, that's just one
of many things I said.
But But I-I'm sure
you're good at what you do.
I mean, I thought I
was, till I got this.
Yeah, that's less than ideal, but
It's freaking me out.
When patients come
in, my mind goes blank.
All medical knowledge
just flies out the window.
If I see something I don't
recognize, I just say, "It's nothing."
It's really bad.
So, what should I do
about my panic attacks?
Well, as I said, my
mind is literally blank,
but if you figure something
out, please let me know.
Okay?
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta break away. We
gotta find you a new man.
One more, one more. Yes! Oh, great move!
- Hey
- Jake. Jacob. Look who stopped by.
Yeah. I came over to see
how your dad was doing.
'Cause of the tribute
to Kolton at the game.
So thoughtful, right?
I told her she should
stop by whenever she wants.
And she told me you're
doing the dunk tonight!
You kidding me?
My hero-boy doing the dunk?
Yeah. I'm super stoked about it.
What's happening here?
Well, since I quit my
job I quit my job.
I thought I'd get things accomplished.
And look at all this
great stuff I'm finding.
Look at this thing, huh?
Yeah, I'm really starting to see
the benefits of your unemployment.
Look, I found a bunch
of Kolton's old stuff.
Kolton's jersey.
You wanna wear it for the
dunk? As a tribute to Kolton?
I don't think that's a good idea.
I-I don't even wanna do the dunk, Da
You're gonna be great. Isn't he?
Come on. I can teach you.
I don't have a trampoline,
but I can build you a ramp.
I'm gonna chop up some wood.
If it makes you feel any better,
I don't think anyone expects you
to, like, get the ball in.
Principal Pat never misses.
No Okay.
I've been watching videos of
her dunks, and it's like
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
She got a slow start, but
Wow!
- She actually gets some serious air.
- Insane air.
You're not actually gonna
wear that to the game, are you?
I mean,
it's the first time I've heard my dad
say Kolton's name since he died, so
I feel like I don't wanna
shut him down right now.
Yeah.
I'm just glad he didn't ask
me to wear Kolton's jockstrap.
Yeah, I don't think you actually
need a jock for basketball, but, uh
Okay. I didn't know
you were such an expert.
Maybe you should do it.
Wear Kolton's jock? I'd be honored.
All right. Pinot for the lady.
Yeah.
- And a ginger ale for the man of God.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Wait, hold up. Hana. Hold up.
Hana's new in town. She doesn't
quite know what's going on.
No, I think I get it.
You guys all get drunk and go
to your kids' basketball games.
Yes.
Actually, I'm going as
an alumnus this evening.
I played a little hoop back in my
day, on top of hockey and track
I was on the team too.
And Cass was there.
Always cheering me on.
I was a cheerleader, so
I cheered on everyone.
- Ah.
- I just cheered for Jason Rodriguez.
Remember? He had that tattoo
of an eagle on his pelvic mound.
- Oh, God.
- On his pelvic mound?
I'll admit. I love a man with a tattoo.
You love a guy with a tattoo?
Okay, Cassie. Note to self.
Hey, remember senior year, uh
Father Reuben, you weren't there.
So, you might like to know that
legend has it, and the legend is true
that your boy scored a
half-court buzzer-beater.
Yeah, nothing but net.
Mmm. Sounds like something worth
holding on to decades later.
- Didn't we lose that game?
- Yes, we did. By a lot.
Yeah. Dusty had a clear view of
the scoreboard from the bench.
- Oh.
- I got some time
But nobody remembers the score, Big D.
They just remember the man and the ball.
Anyway. Enough about my triumphs.
I wanna guess everybody's MORPHO card.
- Mmm.
- Let's not do that. We don't wanna.
- Okay, I'm gonna clear these glasses.
- Well, obviously yours is "Party Pooper."
But no, seriously, let
me guess, bro. Yours is
Your potential is
"Man." Or "Generic Man."
I got "Teacher Whistler."
Yes. And in my opinion,
- the best teacher whistler in town.
- Hmm.
Boring. Okay. Nat, you're next.
Definitely got "Storyteller."
Oh. Who told you?
Father Reuben. "Priest," obviously.
Actually, I haven't used the
machine, and I don't plan to.
That's probably smart.
Because if you don't get
"Priest," people won't trust you.
Because the machine knows
everything apparently.
I bet you'd get "Priest," Father.
Save those two bucks for
something else. Now, Cass.
- Mm-hmm.
- Cass, Cass, Cassie, Cass. My Cass.
Okay. My initial thought is something
like "Model" or "Movie Star."
Maybe even "Goddess." But I feel
like it might be more specific.
Can you just guess, so
we can go to the game?
Hold on. It's gonna take
me a second to figure out
what the smartest, most
beautiful woman in town got.
But I'm stumped. Is
"Perfection" a potential?
No, but let me help you out.
- Because I got "Royalty."
- Yay!
Of course, dude. That makes
complete and total sense to me.
Also, I would really like one of those.
- I can make you one. I made that one.
- Yes, but mine is gonna say "Superstar,"
which actually pairs very well with
"Royalty," if you think about it.
But what I'm
confused about, though,
is how "Teacher" and
"Royalty" make sense together?
Oh, "Teacher/Whistler."
They make sense together because
we make sense together, which is why
- we've been together for 23 years.
- Three Yeah.
And also, those cards, they do
not tell you everything, okay?
Because "Teacher Whistler"
is not necessarily
all that Dusty is or can be.
- So, there.
- Oh, really?
Then be something else, Big D.
- Can we get some wings?
- Yeah.
Yes, wings. That's a good idea.
Good evening, Hooves fans,
or should I say, "Welcome, Hoovers!"
Now, as we welcome you back
to another great season
I am proud to announce
that tonight's game
is dedicated to the
memory of Kolton Kovac.
Kolton wasn't just the
captain of our team,
he was the captain of our hearts.
He was quite simply, an angel.
Which is why, tonight, the
Deerfield High Marching Band
will be performing "Angel"
by Shaggy, featuring Rayvon.
Oh, fuck.
Okay. We gotta go. Who's
gonna finish the hot wings?
I'll get in on it.
Oh. No, careful, Cassie.
They're hot wings.
So?
Well, since when do you like hot wings?
Since always.
What? We always get honey garlic.
Because you like honey garlic.
Oh, no. I didn't mean to start
something. Please don't fight, you guys.
Look, I've always liked spicy stuff.
It was just, you know, you really, um
you really went off
the deep end that time
we ordered medium salsa by accident.
- Well, my tongue nearly burned off, so
- Which is why we always get honey garlic.
You guys are gonna miss the tip-off.
I will get the check. You should go.
Aren't you coming, Father?
I'm not much of a sports fan, so
- Oh. Thank you.
- Bless you.
You're gonna have the
bar to yourself, Father.
You might even have the
whole town to yourself.
Be a good boy, Father.
Come on, Hoovers! Game time, baby!
Let's get this! Go, Hooves, go!
Go, Hooves, go!
- Go, Hooves, go!
- Wow.
- Thank you.
- Figured you need this.
After five minutes with
Giorgio, anyone would.
Oh, I actually like him. He's
super grounded and humble.
Speaks at the appropriate volume.
He's an inspiration.
- Just incredible.
- Mmm.
Hey.
How'd practice with your dad go?
Um
Bad enough that I guess
he decided not to come.
We were supposed to meet here, but
That sucks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I think my parents missed my
big sousaphone performance.
Uh, that was amazing, by the way.
The, um the big sousaphone was,
you know, definitely my favorite part.
Thanks.
It's not a "bigger" sousaphone.
Got it. It's a "big"
performance. Normal sousaphone.
Coach Eagleson originally
wanted us to play "It Wasn't Me."
Then I managed to talk
him down to "Angel,"
which still doesn't make any sense.
It's about this guy who has
trouble being monogamous.
You can't blame Coach Eagleson. I
mean, Kolton was a huge Shaggy fan.
Yeah. Total Shag head.
Shouldn't you be playing right now?
You know how heavy this thing is?
I don't think anyone
will notice. Or care.
Ooh, Trina's gonna be so mad.
Do you see her? Do you see her?
Why would she be mad? She hates
when we come to her concerts.
Well, you told me that
the game started at 8:00.
Yeah, well, you told me that you
liked honey and garlic wings, so
Oh, my God. Dusty.
I like different kinds of
wings. Is that such a big deal?
It wouldn't have been a
big deal if you told me
at some point in our relationship.
I just went on thinking that you
were my honey and garlic girl.
But no, no. You like spicy
food and tattooed men.
What do I find out next?
You also enjoy meth?
Oh, no. You found my meth?
Okay. Let's go, slowpokes!
The game's about to start.
Clear the court. Respect the players.
Come on, "alumnuses," over here!
Uh Oh, Cass. I hope people don't
notice us in our funky sweatshirts.
Whoo-hoo! I hope that they do.
Now, I would've ordered
hot wings if I'd known.
Or at least half and half.
It's just How am I supposed to know
that you want something
different if you don't tell me?
Well, I'm telling you now.
And that's gotta be a good thing, right?
I mean, we can still
surprise each other.
Let's go, Hooves!
- Go, Hooves! Whoo!
- Let's go, Hooves! Let's get it, Hooves!
Something good, I hope?
Are you kidding me?
As if we needed any more
proof that this thing works.
I'm gonna get my camera.
And now, because Principal
Pat couldn't be here tonight,
to perform the ceremonial opening
dunk, Deerfield High's own hero,
and Kolton Kovac's loving
brother, Jacob Kovac!
- Yeah, go, Jacob!
- Let's go, Jacob!
Come on! Let's go! Whoo! Jacob!
They're making Jacob do the dunk?
How is that even a thing?
It's supposed to be for charity.
Principal Pat said
she'd give a 1,000 bucks
to the school library if she missed,
- and she's never missed.
- Oh.
Which is why our
library is just terrible.
Oh, my gosh. Poor thing.
He's probably freaking out.
- We have to show him that we love him.
- Right.
- Cass, what are you doing?
- Yes, Cassie.
Everything you do is amazing.
Hi. Sorry, Coach. Hey.
He-Hey! Hey! Deerfield!
Whoo!
All right, guys. Let's show our guy
some love and some support, yeah?
All right, let's go! Let's go.
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac!
Kovac!
Let's go, Jacob! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Game time!
So you want me to throw this to
you when you hit the trampoline?
I don't think I need to add any steps.
Oh, okay. But listen to me.
People are gonna think
that you can't do this
- Oh, I know I can't do this.
- You've got this.
Okay.
You got it.
Where did that come from?
I don't know. I was just feeling myself.
Go, Jacob!
You got this.
No!
- Not good.
- He's moving. He's moving. Um
We just got $1,000 for
the library, so Hey!
Mm-hmm.
Books! Books!
- Books! Books! Books! Books! Books!
- Books! Books! Books! Books!
- Books!
- Nope. Nobody cares about books.
- Okay.
- Um Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac! Kovac!
- Kovac! Kovac!
I thought we said, "Never at school."
I know.
But after that stunning
display of athletic prowess,
how could I resist?
Stunning.