The Chair (2021) s01e03 Episode Script
The Town Hall
[indistinct chatter]
[Ji-Yoon sighs] Okay.
Don't say anything provocative.
I will not embarrass the Fatherland.
Hey, you get how much trouble you're in?
Know how many times
I've been in trouble for real shit?
For once, I'm in trouble
for something demonstrably stupid.
- You have to take this seriously.
- I am. I will.
[sighs]
What is going on here?
I told you to pull it together.
I left it crooked 'cause I like it
when you fix me up.
You smell good.
Please, be receptive to their input, okay?
Yeah, I'm not about to validate
the total absurdity of this proceeding.
[laughing] I'm not a Nazi.
Do you think it's acceptable
to joke about Nazis?
No, but that does remind me of this time
when two Nazis walked into a bar
[laughs]
We have a straightforward protocol
for this sort of situation.
The two of you,
you work on a statement of apology,
and then we post it
on all relevant platforms.
I'm sorry, what's your name again?
- Ronny.
- Yeah, that's Ronny.
Ronny. He's, uh, chief of communications.
Some people call it crisis management,
or reputation management.
I don't co-write.
How do you suggest
that we handle this then?
- I'm gonna talk to them.
- To who?
- "To whom."
- "To whom."
The students.
- No, no, no. No, no, no.
- I wouldn't advise that.
I'm tenured.
You can't constrain my actions
in my own classroom
or my speech on this campus
unless I'm in violation
of the faculty code of conduct,
which I'm not.
Universities are supposed
to encourage dissent.
We should be proud of these kids.
This is what they do.
In fact, when I was an undergrad,
I sat bare-ass on that very desk
for South African divestment.
- [door opens]
- Are we gonna get that cappuccino latte?
There are still a couple things
we have to discuss.
I'll catch up with you later.
Okay.
[Larson] This is already
all over social media.
The president is starting to get calls
from donors and alumni.
If it's not resolved immediately,
I wouldn't be surprised
if he asks for Bill's resignation.
- No, he's going to apologize.
- He doesn't seem remotely apologetic.
Well, I can guarantee
that after our next conversation,
he will be filled with remorse.
[bell tolling]
Oh. Wait up.
I like when you act like you're my boss.
- You should've seen your face in there.
- I am your boss.
Okay. Well, then
what are you doing tonight, boss lady?
- Can I take you out for dinner?
- What's the matter with you?
No, you cannot ask me out right now.
This is a serious disciplinary matter.
Oh, so I'm gonna let some paper pusher
from HR write an apology for me?
That's a disservice to my students.
They'd smell that coming a mile away.
Know what else they'll smell
coming a mile away?
This little streak of arrogance
you got going on here.
For Chrissake, I'm not a Nazi, okay?
Am I not allowed
This is not about whether you're a Nazi.
It's about whether you're one of those men
who, when something like this happens,
thinks he can dust himself off
and just walk away
without any fucking sense of consequence.
That a "no" on dinner?
[classical music playing]
Yaz hit 8,000 Twitter followers,
so I posted that
to the department's website.
- You posted she won the NEH Fellowship?
- Yep.
And unfortunately, I'm coming
to a dead end in terms of Joan's office.
There's gotta be something we can do.
- [knocking on door]
- I
Oh, hi. Thanks, Laurie
I wanna talk to Lila for a second.
Come on in.
I know it seems like
I have been ignoring you,
but it's just been chaos.
Don't forget,
you have that dinner tonight.
Oh crap. What is that again?
At the dean's house.
Maybe it's about the whole
Uh, uh Thanks. Thanks, Laurie. Thanks.
- [door closes]
- Hey.
My friend Sarah at Wisconsin,
her adviser got accused of harassment,
and his recommendation
ended up being worthless.
- Nobody thinks Bill Dobson's a Nazi.
- I have a mountain of student debt.
It was a bad joke,
and he is about to apologize.
People have been calling me.
What people?
[Lila] Reporters.
- What should I say?
- Oh my God, don't say anything.
If this gets big, it could
it could really hurt us.
I mean, that means you too.
[Rentz] Moby-Dick was a failure,
of course.
Critics hated it,
and Melville died in obscurity,
as he himself had predicted in letters
to his friend, Nathaniel Hawthorne,
to whom he dedicated the book.
Not until the 1920s
was it reappraised as the seminal master
Are we going to discuss the fact
that Melville was a wife-beater?
[students murmuring]
It is true that some feminist scholars
have posited that,
but in the absence of definitive proof,
well, I I think it's best
we attend to the text itself.
We're concerned with Melville the author,
not Melville the human being.
But you just referred to Melville
the human being.
His personal letters to Hawthorne?
[students murmuring]
I was only making the point that his, uh,
his friendship with Hawthorne was, uh,
was an important aspect
of his growth as a writer.
- [all murmuring]
- Come on, are you serious?
It was not until the 1920s
that the novel
took its rightful place as the
We'll cover the wife-beating
in my section.
That, as well as some
important contributions to Melville's work
by the women in his life.
[all agreeing]
[Bill] Indefinitely?
Who told you that?
Indefinitely just means
"until further notice."
You wanna help me put these flyers up
in here and around campus?
I could send an email
to the class through Blackboard.
It's gone way beyond
just the students in our class.
[classical music playing]
Your boy's toast.
[sighs]
[door closes]
[Joan] Guess what else? There is no Wi-Fi.
[Ji-Yoon] Oh Jesus Christ.
- You tried tech support?
- I've already left 700 messages.
I'm on my way over there right now.
Do you wanna come? Pull your weight?
I gotta go nudge Rentz.
But I will bring it up to Larson tonight.
I'm I'm so sorry, Joan, I
You know what? You wanna work here?
I can move some of this crap.
Nah.
[sighs]
[smacks lips] You look
at your evaluations yet?
Yes.
And what did they say?
[sighs] That I'm too exciting.
- Wait a minute. Was he always in here?
- Oh, I haven't had time to redecorate.
I gave him a hand job in his car
when I got tenure. To celebrate.
That's the president of the college
from, like, 1924.
Who looks like the guy
I gave a hand job to.
- Also, how is that a celebration for you?
- [Joan] Good point.
He owes me an orgasm, whoever he is.
Hey, Joan? You hear about Bill
doing a town hall with the students?
- I'm worried.
- This is what he does. They love him.
He's so empathic.
Now, if it were Elliot,
or even you, I'd be worried.
[door closes]
- [knocking]
- Knock, knock.
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Uh, thanks for the apple pie.
Peach.
- [Bill] Right.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
- Uh, do you have a minute?
- Sure. Sure.
- Oh. Hey, we need to keep that open.
- This is going to be a bloodbath.
Why do you say that?
See, any so-called jokes related to Hitler
are in their own special category.
You know some kids put on Hitler mustaches
and posted knockoffs of your meme?
Do you not see this?
There's a larger campus context here.
There's a larger national context.
To be Jewish with all these militias?
Last year, we had the largest number
of anti-Semitic incidents in 40 years.
Of course intent matters,
but even if you meant no harm,
if the impact
of something that you did has Oh.
- Uh, this is Daphne. Dr. Kim
- Dafna.
Hi. I was just, um,
telling him the same thing.
- Great minds think alike. [laughs]
- [laughs]
[Bill] Um [smacks lips]
- Do you need me for something?
- Yes.
Okay.
Uh, there's something else I wanted
to ask you about, but to be continued.
Sure.
- Okay
- What the fuck are you doing?
She came barreling in here
and she closed the door.
Why didn't you open it?
Because she was accusing me
of inciting the alt-right,
and I didn't wanna interrupt her
in the middle of that.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- No. What?
That's nothing, okay?
You're trouble.
Me?
Can I ask you a favor?
After your performance this morning,
you owe me one.
Anything.
Can you babysit Ju Ju tonight?
I've got this thing at Dean Larson's.
For what?
Oh, who knows? Grease the wheels.
[chuckles]
- What is this?
- [Bill] I don't know.
- What wheel is like this?
- [laughs]
[classical music playing]
The Wi-Fi in my office is on the fritz.
- [sighs] What's wrong with it?
- There isn't any.
Well, I could get you a booster,
but your department
will have to fill out the paperwork.
[sighs]
Have you talked to your chair?
Okay.
[sighs]
[lighting match]
[in singsong] Thank you.
Thank you.
[fire crackling]
- [fire whooshing]
- Oh.
Uh
[whooshing]
Oh. Uh Sh
Oh. Ah!
[breathes deeply]
Oh my God.
[sighs]
[fire alarm beeping]
[whooshing]
[gasps]
I heard your internet is down.
Wonderful. Come in.
[man] And you're online.
Where have you been all my life?
I don't know, IT department?
Actually, have you ever heard
of RateMyProfessors.com?
Yeah. Mmm.
I'm supposed to take in
some of my students' criticisms.
- Why?
- I already know what they're gonna say.
That I shouldn't teach any books
that are more than 300 pages long.
Well, I wouldn't just assume
they're gonna say that.
I mean, maybe they'll have
something interesting to say. [laughs]
- I would give you a good review.
- [laughs]
This font is so small.
Would you mind reading
some of these out loud to me?
- The ones that you think might be helpful.
- Okay. Yeah, let's, uh, let's see.
You sure this is legit?
- No, not that one.
- What?
Oh. Uh
- [hesitating] No, not that one.
- What? What does it say?
Uh
"All dumpty, no humpty."
What, like I'm fat? Or do those words
mean something different now?
No, that's what they mean.
But clearly you're not.
Look at you, you look great.
Go to the next one, okay?
"Professor Hambling's what I think about
when I'm trying not to, um"
- [muttering] No.
- It's okay.
- I don't think this is constructive.
- Come on.
"When I'm trying
not to cum in my girlfriend."
I'm what he thinks about when he's trying
not to cum in his girlfriend?
- I don't get it.
- I wouldn't overanalyze it.
I'm what he th
Ah.
[chuckles]
Let's just have a little look at that.
- This was posted yesterday.
- Oh, was it? I didn't notice that.
I don't suppose there's any way
you could track this fucker down?
Well, yeah.
I mean, it'd be illegal though. [laughs]
- [knocking]
- [Ji-Yoon] I'm heading out.
- 'Night.
- 'Night.
Oh, um, did you take a look at
Yaz's suggestions for external reviewers?
We have to have people
who take feminist scholarship
and critical race theory
seriously, Elliot.
- [yawning]
- She's our only junior Americanist.
You share a mutual interest, obviously,
in making sure your field remains
one of the most prominent
in our department, right?
Anyway, we want her case
to go through with flying colors.
I'll send her work out
to respected scholars
who will review it objectively.
Great.
[woman] When I found out
the English department
elected their first female chair,
I did cartwheels.
I was an English major, so I told Paul
I have to shake her hand, and
- Oh. [chuckles]
- And say well done. [chuckles]
I don't know how competitive
the election was, but thank you.
- Oh, don't undersell yourself.
- [woman] He's right.
No woman ever got anywhere
by underselling herself.
Now, I have been thinking
about this clusterfuck.
Oh. Professor Dobson.
I can assure you he is going to apologize.
- He is truly devastated.
- [woman] No, no.
You all need a pick-me-up over there.
Some new blood. Some star power.
- Mrs. Whittenden has a special visitor
- I happened to run into such a person
- You go.
- No.
- [Mrs. Whittenden] Go ahead.
- [Larson] No, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
At the farmers market,
if you can believe it.
- He has a country house around here.
- Mmm.
We started talking, and I thought,
"Here's the kind of person
who can revitalize
the study of literature."
And lo and behold,
he agreed to give
the Distinguished Lecture this year.
Mmm.
I thought that, um
Historically,
that's been at the chair's discretion.
The funds are at the discretion
of the trustee who endowed them.
And you can't beat my candidate, Dr. Kim.
I already announced
that Dr. McKay would be
- Guess who it is.
- I don't I really can't.
You'll be thrilled.
That's a [laughs]
That's a clue right there.
[laughs]
- Colson Whitehead.
- Try again.
- It's someone you'll like.
- I like Colson Whitehead.
David Duchovny.
The actor?
- Agent Scully himself.
- Mulder.
Mulder. Yeah. He'll, uh
Well, he'll need to prepare his lecture
and, uh, have meetings
with selected English majors.
We're planning to choose names by lottery.
And so we're gonna need you
to find him an office.
[Bill] Ready, set, go.
[brushing]
[Ju Ju] What's it like to be you?
Uh, it's a mixed bag.
[spits]
I saw you crying
when your wife died.
In the kitchen, and my mom was crying.
Yeah.
- Well, you know, that was a That was
- I don't have a dad.
Well, one of the things about life
is you real
You don't really realize what,
you know, until you're a lot older
Do you have cavities?
Yeah.
I don't. [spits]
[faucet running]
- [turns off faucet]
- Do you wanna read my favorite book?
- I sure do.
- It has naked pictures in it.
I don't remember being a baby.
[Bill] Yeah, me neither.
- [Ju Ju] What's he doing?
- [Bill] They're breastfeeding.
[Ju Ju] Oh.
I don't remember my birth mom.
[flips page]
When I have a baby, I'm gonna be 25.
Maybe 27.
I don't wanna be really old.
And I'm gonna be married.
A lot of people think marriage
is a bourgeois institution.
- You know what that is?
- My mom is turning 47.
Yeah, well, she had to wait
a long time to get you.
For two years,
she had your car seat by the door,
a whole set of clothes ready to go.
She was waiting and waiting,
and, you know, she had to jump
through a lot of hoops.
Today, my teacher said
that I'm going to lead the class
for Día de los Muertos.
- You know what that is?
- Yeah.
Mmm, that's exciting.
So we can make your wife an altar
so her soul can find you.
I just need to know
what her favorite things were.
Well, she was really good at piano.
And, like, what were her favorite things
to eat? Like cake, candy
It's good if it's something she can smell.
Um, she really liked pizza.
Same.
We're about to see another penis.
[flips page]
- I tried to warn you
- You can't just pretend he's an academic.
He almost got his PhD.
That's another way of saying
he doesn't have his PhD.
I have real faculty
with real credentials who need support.
Who cannot do their work.
Who are literally sitting in basements.
- He is a recognizable name.
- No, he is not.
These kids don't watch TV.
They're on TikTok.
Butts in seats.
That's the only thing
that should matter to you right now.
Creative writing?
That's the only field in your department
building enrollments.
Students want to produce content.
- [sighs] Oh my God. Content.
- Yeah.
Whether it's a novel to self-publish, or
or a blog.
- Or
- Then at least get a real writer.
He is a New York Times bestselling author.
- No, he's not.
- Look it up.
No.
[keys jangling]
[sighs]
Hello?
- [whispering] Hey.
- [mouthing] Hey.
[whispering] Yeah, let's
You did all my dishes.
Hey, so, uh [sighs]
Thanks.
You figure out what you're gonna say?
Town hall?
Can I, um
- Can I try it out on you?
- Yeah.
[Bill] Okay.
Thank you for coming.
I'm truly heartbroken
to have offended anyone here.
The fact is
It's springtime ♪
For Hitler ♪
Bill.
In Germany ♪
You know what? I give up.
Sorry. I'm just
Okay.
There's this.
David Duchovny is a bestselling author.
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
Still can't let him
give the Distinguished Lecture.
I don't have a choice.
"David Duchovny wrote his thesis
at Princeton on Beckett."
Oh, just like you.
No.
"He was Harold Bloom's advisee at Yale."
- Jesus.
- I know.
Oh, wait, wait. Go back.
Is that really David Duchovny's butt?
Why do we keep saying David Duchovny's
whole name every time we mention him?
- Is that really David's butt?
- Okay.
- He is in shape.
- That's enough.
[instrumental music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Ronny] The party tents are here,
but we're unable to set them up.
Why?
There's students waiting to hear
from Bill Dobson. The town hall.
Oh Jesus Christ.
That's in the main quad? Right now?
- Should we move the venue?
- [Larson] No.
Just start setting up when they disperse.
Get the campus police there.
Keep the quad clear
for the rest of the afternoon.
[Bill] Hi, everybody. It means a lot to me
that you showed up for this.
Obviously, I am not a member
of the Jewish community,
and I'm not in a position
to tell you what is or isn't offensive.
- [student 1] That's right.
- [all] Yeah.
But I am a member
of the Pembroke community, as are we all,
and I wanna understand your point of view.
- No Nazis at Pembroke.
- Yeah.
I agree.
There should be no Nazis anywhere.
- Hate speech has no place here.
- Agreed.
Are you harboring neo-Nazi sentiments?
- [student 2] Are you a Nazi?
- No, I'm a professor.
Uh, Nazis hate professors,
because Nazis are enemies of thought.
One of the greatest gifts
that American universities ever received
was the influx of intellectuals
who fled the Third Reich.
Writers like Thomas Mann,
Hannah Arendt, Bertolt Brecht,
Theodor Adorno.
Many of them wrote invaluable studies
of the fascist mindset.
Invaluable defenses of freedom of thought.
I wouldn't use the stories
of Jewish refugees here, if I were you.
- [students murmuring]
- Not all of them were Jewish.
Some of them were standing in solidarity.
You comparing yourself to Hannah Arendt?
- No.
- After saluting Hitler in your class.
Let's hear him out.
We are inheritors of their legacy.
The university should be a place
to uphold free discourse.
The exchange of ideas without fear.
It's all about free speech
as long as you're the one talking.
- [students agreeing]
- Okay.
No, I want this to be a forum
where everyone can voice their opinion.
You're a white tenured professor
who writes op-eds for the New York Times.
- [chuckles]
- You really think this is an equal forum?
I get that. That's a great point,
and it's never gonna be perfect.
- But having this conversation is a start.
- Yeah.
Someone drew a swastika
in Brooks Hall yesterday.
- In the lounge.
- [student 3] Yeah.
- Do you know that?
- [student 4] You think that's funny too?
If you are suggesting that what I did
is the same as propagating neo-Nazism,
that's inaccurate.
That is a willful misrecognition
of what was clearly
Are you saying we misrecognized
a Nazi salute?
No. I'm not I'm not saying that at all.
I was trying to say
This is how it always goes. You do
something that's objectively fucked up,
and then when we call you out on it,
we get accused of getting it wrong.
[students agreeing]
I didn't say anyone was overreacting.
I was making the case
Are you going to apologize?
- Yeah.
- [student 5] Okay.
Yes.
- Okay, so let's hear it.
- [Bill] Okay.
[student 6] Yeah.
I am sorry if I made anyone feel
- [uproar]
- That's not an apology.
- If I made you feel
- You're sorry about my feelings.
You're minimizing your responsibility
by saying you're sorry for how we feel.
Hey, Dean Larson.
It's nice to see you come out
to defend a member of Pembroke faculty
for saluting Hitler!
- [students jeering]
- No, that is not why I'm here.
I didn't ask him to be here.
This is between you and me.
[student 7] Why didn't you show up
to our town hall last week?
We hosted a town hall on racial justice
literally right here.
- Professor, did you call the police?
- [Bill] No.
- You brought backup.
- I can't believe you brought them.
- Please. These are two separate issues.
- No Nazis at Pembroke!
- [Bill] Hey!
- [students] No Nazis at Pembroke!
[chanting] Dobson out! Dobson out!
Dobson out! Dobson out!
Dobson out! Dobson out! Dobson out!
[classical music playing]
[music continues]
[Ji-Yoon sighs] Okay.
Don't say anything provocative.
I will not embarrass the Fatherland.
Hey, you get how much trouble you're in?
Know how many times
I've been in trouble for real shit?
For once, I'm in trouble
for something demonstrably stupid.
- You have to take this seriously.
- I am. I will.
[sighs]
What is going on here?
I told you to pull it together.
I left it crooked 'cause I like it
when you fix me up.
You smell good.
Please, be receptive to their input, okay?
Yeah, I'm not about to validate
the total absurdity of this proceeding.
[laughing] I'm not a Nazi.
Do you think it's acceptable
to joke about Nazis?
No, but that does remind me of this time
when two Nazis walked into a bar
[laughs]
We have a straightforward protocol
for this sort of situation.
The two of you,
you work on a statement of apology,
and then we post it
on all relevant platforms.
I'm sorry, what's your name again?
- Ronny.
- Yeah, that's Ronny.
Ronny. He's, uh, chief of communications.
Some people call it crisis management,
or reputation management.
I don't co-write.
How do you suggest
that we handle this then?
- I'm gonna talk to them.
- To who?
- "To whom."
- "To whom."
The students.
- No, no, no. No, no, no.
- I wouldn't advise that.
I'm tenured.
You can't constrain my actions
in my own classroom
or my speech on this campus
unless I'm in violation
of the faculty code of conduct,
which I'm not.
Universities are supposed
to encourage dissent.
We should be proud of these kids.
This is what they do.
In fact, when I was an undergrad,
I sat bare-ass on that very desk
for South African divestment.
- [door opens]
- Are we gonna get that cappuccino latte?
There are still a couple things
we have to discuss.
I'll catch up with you later.
Okay.
[Larson] This is already
all over social media.
The president is starting to get calls
from donors and alumni.
If it's not resolved immediately,
I wouldn't be surprised
if he asks for Bill's resignation.
- No, he's going to apologize.
- He doesn't seem remotely apologetic.
Well, I can guarantee
that after our next conversation,
he will be filled with remorse.
[bell tolling]
Oh. Wait up.
I like when you act like you're my boss.
- You should've seen your face in there.
- I am your boss.
Okay. Well, then
what are you doing tonight, boss lady?
- Can I take you out for dinner?
- What's the matter with you?
No, you cannot ask me out right now.
This is a serious disciplinary matter.
Oh, so I'm gonna let some paper pusher
from HR write an apology for me?
That's a disservice to my students.
They'd smell that coming a mile away.
Know what else they'll smell
coming a mile away?
This little streak of arrogance
you got going on here.
For Chrissake, I'm not a Nazi, okay?
Am I not allowed
This is not about whether you're a Nazi.
It's about whether you're one of those men
who, when something like this happens,
thinks he can dust himself off
and just walk away
without any fucking sense of consequence.
That a "no" on dinner?
[classical music playing]
Yaz hit 8,000 Twitter followers,
so I posted that
to the department's website.
- You posted she won the NEH Fellowship?
- Yep.
And unfortunately, I'm coming
to a dead end in terms of Joan's office.
There's gotta be something we can do.
- [knocking on door]
- I
Oh, hi. Thanks, Laurie
I wanna talk to Lila for a second.
Come on in.
I know it seems like
I have been ignoring you,
but it's just been chaos.
Don't forget,
you have that dinner tonight.
Oh crap. What is that again?
At the dean's house.
Maybe it's about the whole
Uh, uh Thanks. Thanks, Laurie. Thanks.
- [door closes]
- Hey.
My friend Sarah at Wisconsin,
her adviser got accused of harassment,
and his recommendation
ended up being worthless.
- Nobody thinks Bill Dobson's a Nazi.
- I have a mountain of student debt.
It was a bad joke,
and he is about to apologize.
People have been calling me.
What people?
[Lila] Reporters.
- What should I say?
- Oh my God, don't say anything.
If this gets big, it could
it could really hurt us.
I mean, that means you too.
[Rentz] Moby-Dick was a failure,
of course.
Critics hated it,
and Melville died in obscurity,
as he himself had predicted in letters
to his friend, Nathaniel Hawthorne,
to whom he dedicated the book.
Not until the 1920s
was it reappraised as the seminal master
Are we going to discuss the fact
that Melville was a wife-beater?
[students murmuring]
It is true that some feminist scholars
have posited that,
but in the absence of definitive proof,
well, I I think it's best
we attend to the text itself.
We're concerned with Melville the author,
not Melville the human being.
But you just referred to Melville
the human being.
His personal letters to Hawthorne?
[students murmuring]
I was only making the point that his, uh,
his friendship with Hawthorne was, uh,
was an important aspect
of his growth as a writer.
- [all murmuring]
- Come on, are you serious?
It was not until the 1920s
that the novel
took its rightful place as the
We'll cover the wife-beating
in my section.
That, as well as some
important contributions to Melville's work
by the women in his life.
[all agreeing]
[Bill] Indefinitely?
Who told you that?
Indefinitely just means
"until further notice."
You wanna help me put these flyers up
in here and around campus?
I could send an email
to the class through Blackboard.
It's gone way beyond
just the students in our class.
[classical music playing]
Your boy's toast.
[sighs]
[door closes]
[Joan] Guess what else? There is no Wi-Fi.
[Ji-Yoon] Oh Jesus Christ.
- You tried tech support?
- I've already left 700 messages.
I'm on my way over there right now.
Do you wanna come? Pull your weight?
I gotta go nudge Rentz.
But I will bring it up to Larson tonight.
I'm I'm so sorry, Joan, I
You know what? You wanna work here?
I can move some of this crap.
Nah.
[sighs]
[smacks lips] You look
at your evaluations yet?
Yes.
And what did they say?
[sighs] That I'm too exciting.
- Wait a minute. Was he always in here?
- Oh, I haven't had time to redecorate.
I gave him a hand job in his car
when I got tenure. To celebrate.
That's the president of the college
from, like, 1924.
Who looks like the guy
I gave a hand job to.
- Also, how is that a celebration for you?
- [Joan] Good point.
He owes me an orgasm, whoever he is.
Hey, Joan? You hear about Bill
doing a town hall with the students?
- I'm worried.
- This is what he does. They love him.
He's so empathic.
Now, if it were Elliot,
or even you, I'd be worried.
[door closes]
- [knocking]
- Knock, knock.
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Uh, thanks for the apple pie.
Peach.
- [Bill] Right.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
- Uh, do you have a minute?
- Sure. Sure.
- Oh. Hey, we need to keep that open.
- This is going to be a bloodbath.
Why do you say that?
See, any so-called jokes related to Hitler
are in their own special category.
You know some kids put on Hitler mustaches
and posted knockoffs of your meme?
Do you not see this?
There's a larger campus context here.
There's a larger national context.
To be Jewish with all these militias?
Last year, we had the largest number
of anti-Semitic incidents in 40 years.
Of course intent matters,
but even if you meant no harm,
if the impact
of something that you did has Oh.
- Uh, this is Daphne. Dr. Kim
- Dafna.
Hi. I was just, um,
telling him the same thing.
- Great minds think alike. [laughs]
- [laughs]
[Bill] Um [smacks lips]
- Do you need me for something?
- Yes.
Okay.
Uh, there's something else I wanted
to ask you about, but to be continued.
Sure.
- Okay
- What the fuck are you doing?
She came barreling in here
and she closed the door.
Why didn't you open it?
Because she was accusing me
of inciting the alt-right,
and I didn't wanna interrupt her
in the middle of that.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- No. What?
That's nothing, okay?
You're trouble.
Me?
Can I ask you a favor?
After your performance this morning,
you owe me one.
Anything.
Can you babysit Ju Ju tonight?
I've got this thing at Dean Larson's.
For what?
Oh, who knows? Grease the wheels.
[chuckles]
- What is this?
- [Bill] I don't know.
- What wheel is like this?
- [laughs]
[classical music playing]
The Wi-Fi in my office is on the fritz.
- [sighs] What's wrong with it?
- There isn't any.
Well, I could get you a booster,
but your department
will have to fill out the paperwork.
[sighs]
Have you talked to your chair?
Okay.
[sighs]
[lighting match]
[in singsong] Thank you.
Thank you.
[fire crackling]
- [fire whooshing]
- Oh.
Uh
[whooshing]
Oh. Uh Sh
Oh. Ah!
[breathes deeply]
Oh my God.
[sighs]
[fire alarm beeping]
[whooshing]
[gasps]
I heard your internet is down.
Wonderful. Come in.
[man] And you're online.
Where have you been all my life?
I don't know, IT department?
Actually, have you ever heard
of RateMyProfessors.com?
Yeah. Mmm.
I'm supposed to take in
some of my students' criticisms.
- Why?
- I already know what they're gonna say.
That I shouldn't teach any books
that are more than 300 pages long.
Well, I wouldn't just assume
they're gonna say that.
I mean, maybe they'll have
something interesting to say. [laughs]
- I would give you a good review.
- [laughs]
This font is so small.
Would you mind reading
some of these out loud to me?
- The ones that you think might be helpful.
- Okay. Yeah, let's, uh, let's see.
You sure this is legit?
- No, not that one.
- What?
Oh. Uh
- [hesitating] No, not that one.
- What? What does it say?
Uh
"All dumpty, no humpty."
What, like I'm fat? Or do those words
mean something different now?
No, that's what they mean.
But clearly you're not.
Look at you, you look great.
Go to the next one, okay?
"Professor Hambling's what I think about
when I'm trying not to, um"
- [muttering] No.
- It's okay.
- I don't think this is constructive.
- Come on.
"When I'm trying
not to cum in my girlfriend."
I'm what he thinks about when he's trying
not to cum in his girlfriend?
- I don't get it.
- I wouldn't overanalyze it.
I'm what he th
Ah.
[chuckles]
Let's just have a little look at that.
- This was posted yesterday.
- Oh, was it? I didn't notice that.
I don't suppose there's any way
you could track this fucker down?
Well, yeah.
I mean, it'd be illegal though. [laughs]
- [knocking]
- [Ji-Yoon] I'm heading out.
- 'Night.
- 'Night.
Oh, um, did you take a look at
Yaz's suggestions for external reviewers?
We have to have people
who take feminist scholarship
and critical race theory
seriously, Elliot.
- [yawning]
- She's our only junior Americanist.
You share a mutual interest, obviously,
in making sure your field remains
one of the most prominent
in our department, right?
Anyway, we want her case
to go through with flying colors.
I'll send her work out
to respected scholars
who will review it objectively.
Great.
[woman] When I found out
the English department
elected their first female chair,
I did cartwheels.
I was an English major, so I told Paul
I have to shake her hand, and
- Oh. [chuckles]
- And say well done. [chuckles]
I don't know how competitive
the election was, but thank you.
- Oh, don't undersell yourself.
- [woman] He's right.
No woman ever got anywhere
by underselling herself.
Now, I have been thinking
about this clusterfuck.
Oh. Professor Dobson.
I can assure you he is going to apologize.
- He is truly devastated.
- [woman] No, no.
You all need a pick-me-up over there.
Some new blood. Some star power.
- Mrs. Whittenden has a special visitor
- I happened to run into such a person
- You go.
- No.
- [Mrs. Whittenden] Go ahead.
- [Larson] No, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
At the farmers market,
if you can believe it.
- He has a country house around here.
- Mmm.
We started talking, and I thought,
"Here's the kind of person
who can revitalize
the study of literature."
And lo and behold,
he agreed to give
the Distinguished Lecture this year.
Mmm.
I thought that, um
Historically,
that's been at the chair's discretion.
The funds are at the discretion
of the trustee who endowed them.
And you can't beat my candidate, Dr. Kim.
I already announced
that Dr. McKay would be
- Guess who it is.
- I don't I really can't.
You'll be thrilled.
That's a [laughs]
That's a clue right there.
[laughs]
- Colson Whitehead.
- Try again.
- It's someone you'll like.
- I like Colson Whitehead.
David Duchovny.
The actor?
- Agent Scully himself.
- Mulder.
Mulder. Yeah. He'll, uh
Well, he'll need to prepare his lecture
and, uh, have meetings
with selected English majors.
We're planning to choose names by lottery.
And so we're gonna need you
to find him an office.
[Bill] Ready, set, go.
[brushing]
[Ju Ju] What's it like to be you?
Uh, it's a mixed bag.
[spits]
I saw you crying
when your wife died.
In the kitchen, and my mom was crying.
Yeah.
- Well, you know, that was a That was
- I don't have a dad.
Well, one of the things about life
is you real
You don't really realize what,
you know, until you're a lot older
Do you have cavities?
Yeah.
I don't. [spits]
[faucet running]
- [turns off faucet]
- Do you wanna read my favorite book?
- I sure do.
- It has naked pictures in it.
I don't remember being a baby.
[Bill] Yeah, me neither.
- [Ju Ju] What's he doing?
- [Bill] They're breastfeeding.
[Ju Ju] Oh.
I don't remember my birth mom.
[flips page]
When I have a baby, I'm gonna be 25.
Maybe 27.
I don't wanna be really old.
And I'm gonna be married.
A lot of people think marriage
is a bourgeois institution.
- You know what that is?
- My mom is turning 47.
Yeah, well, she had to wait
a long time to get you.
For two years,
she had your car seat by the door,
a whole set of clothes ready to go.
She was waiting and waiting,
and, you know, she had to jump
through a lot of hoops.
Today, my teacher said
that I'm going to lead the class
for Día de los Muertos.
- You know what that is?
- Yeah.
Mmm, that's exciting.
So we can make your wife an altar
so her soul can find you.
I just need to know
what her favorite things were.
Well, she was really good at piano.
And, like, what were her favorite things
to eat? Like cake, candy
It's good if it's something she can smell.
Um, she really liked pizza.
Same.
We're about to see another penis.
[flips page]
- I tried to warn you
- You can't just pretend he's an academic.
He almost got his PhD.
That's another way of saying
he doesn't have his PhD.
I have real faculty
with real credentials who need support.
Who cannot do their work.
Who are literally sitting in basements.
- He is a recognizable name.
- No, he is not.
These kids don't watch TV.
They're on TikTok.
Butts in seats.
That's the only thing
that should matter to you right now.
Creative writing?
That's the only field in your department
building enrollments.
Students want to produce content.
- [sighs] Oh my God. Content.
- Yeah.
Whether it's a novel to self-publish, or
or a blog.
- Or
- Then at least get a real writer.
He is a New York Times bestselling author.
- No, he's not.
- Look it up.
No.
[keys jangling]
[sighs]
Hello?
- [whispering] Hey.
- [mouthing] Hey.
[whispering] Yeah, let's
You did all my dishes.
Hey, so, uh [sighs]
Thanks.
You figure out what you're gonna say?
Town hall?
Can I, um
- Can I try it out on you?
- Yeah.
[Bill] Okay.
Thank you for coming.
I'm truly heartbroken
to have offended anyone here.
The fact is
It's springtime ♪
For Hitler ♪
Bill.
In Germany ♪
You know what? I give up.
Sorry. I'm just
Okay.
There's this.
David Duchovny is a bestselling author.
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
Still can't let him
give the Distinguished Lecture.
I don't have a choice.
"David Duchovny wrote his thesis
at Princeton on Beckett."
Oh, just like you.
No.
"He was Harold Bloom's advisee at Yale."
- Jesus.
- I know.
Oh, wait, wait. Go back.
Is that really David Duchovny's butt?
Why do we keep saying David Duchovny's
whole name every time we mention him?
- Is that really David's butt?
- Okay.
- He is in shape.
- That's enough.
[instrumental music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Ronny] The party tents are here,
but we're unable to set them up.
Why?
There's students waiting to hear
from Bill Dobson. The town hall.
Oh Jesus Christ.
That's in the main quad? Right now?
- Should we move the venue?
- [Larson] No.
Just start setting up when they disperse.
Get the campus police there.
Keep the quad clear
for the rest of the afternoon.
[Bill] Hi, everybody. It means a lot to me
that you showed up for this.
Obviously, I am not a member
of the Jewish community,
and I'm not in a position
to tell you what is or isn't offensive.
- [student 1] That's right.
- [all] Yeah.
But I am a member
of the Pembroke community, as are we all,
and I wanna understand your point of view.
- No Nazis at Pembroke.
- Yeah.
I agree.
There should be no Nazis anywhere.
- Hate speech has no place here.
- Agreed.
Are you harboring neo-Nazi sentiments?
- [student 2] Are you a Nazi?
- No, I'm a professor.
Uh, Nazis hate professors,
because Nazis are enemies of thought.
One of the greatest gifts
that American universities ever received
was the influx of intellectuals
who fled the Third Reich.
Writers like Thomas Mann,
Hannah Arendt, Bertolt Brecht,
Theodor Adorno.
Many of them wrote invaluable studies
of the fascist mindset.
Invaluable defenses of freedom of thought.
I wouldn't use the stories
of Jewish refugees here, if I were you.
- [students murmuring]
- Not all of them were Jewish.
Some of them were standing in solidarity.
You comparing yourself to Hannah Arendt?
- No.
- After saluting Hitler in your class.
Let's hear him out.
We are inheritors of their legacy.
The university should be a place
to uphold free discourse.
The exchange of ideas without fear.
It's all about free speech
as long as you're the one talking.
- [students agreeing]
- Okay.
No, I want this to be a forum
where everyone can voice their opinion.
You're a white tenured professor
who writes op-eds for the New York Times.
- [chuckles]
- You really think this is an equal forum?
I get that. That's a great point,
and it's never gonna be perfect.
- But having this conversation is a start.
- Yeah.
Someone drew a swastika
in Brooks Hall yesterday.
- In the lounge.
- [student 3] Yeah.
- Do you know that?
- [student 4] You think that's funny too?
If you are suggesting that what I did
is the same as propagating neo-Nazism,
that's inaccurate.
That is a willful misrecognition
of what was clearly
Are you saying we misrecognized
a Nazi salute?
No. I'm not I'm not saying that at all.
I was trying to say
This is how it always goes. You do
something that's objectively fucked up,
and then when we call you out on it,
we get accused of getting it wrong.
[students agreeing]
I didn't say anyone was overreacting.
I was making the case
Are you going to apologize?
- Yeah.
- [student 5] Okay.
Yes.
- Okay, so let's hear it.
- [Bill] Okay.
[student 6] Yeah.
I am sorry if I made anyone feel
- [uproar]
- That's not an apology.
- If I made you feel
- You're sorry about my feelings.
You're minimizing your responsibility
by saying you're sorry for how we feel.
Hey, Dean Larson.
It's nice to see you come out
to defend a member of Pembroke faculty
for saluting Hitler!
- [students jeering]
- No, that is not why I'm here.
I didn't ask him to be here.
This is between you and me.
[student 7] Why didn't you show up
to our town hall last week?
We hosted a town hall on racial justice
literally right here.
- Professor, did you call the police?
- [Bill] No.
- You brought backup.
- I can't believe you brought them.
- Please. These are two separate issues.
- No Nazis at Pembroke!
- [Bill] Hey!
- [students] No Nazis at Pembroke!
[chanting] Dobson out! Dobson out!
Dobson out! Dobson out!
Dobson out! Dobson out! Dobson out!
[classical music playing]
[music continues]