The Croods: Family Tree (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

‐ Oh, man, I'm so hungry I could eat
a crowverine stuffed into a pigator
stuffed into a kangadillo.
‐ Mm! Crowverpigadillo.
‐ Dinner is served.
‐ And dinner is done.
‐ No!
‐ Uh, what's the rush?
‐ We have to get to bed.
Because we're very tired.
Isn't that right, Hope?
‐ Right, Phil. Tired. So tired!
‐ I'm so exhausted
I can barely keep my eyes open.
‐ Really? 'Cause you seem pumped.
‐ That's a symptom of extreme fatigue.
It's worse than I thought. Good night.
‐ Aha!
Ohh!
‐ Second dinner is served.
Hey, anyone else notice,
the Bettermans were acting
kinda weird, huh?
Especially Phil.
‐ To be fair, Phil always acts weird.
‐ Maybe they're just tired.
‐ Before the sun goes down?
‐ Sure. Living on a farm isn't easy.
‐ Uh, we live on a farm
and we are still awake.
‐ I bet Hope made a secret dessert
she doesn't wanna share with us.
But Sandy will find it.
Won't you, Sandy?
‐ Or they're just tired.
‐ What if they met a new family
and they're replacing us?
What if we have to move?
What if Dawn
has a new best friend?
‐ What if you're overreacting just a bit?
‐ What if they have a giant window
they're keeping to themselves?
And they have trained punch monkeys
to wait on them hand and foot
while they watch
wall‐to‐wall window action?
‐ You're all wrong.
There's a full moon tonight.
That's when the Bettermans turn into
half‐man, half‐bear, half‐fish beasts!
‐ Too many halves.
‐ 'Cause they were bitten by bearacudas!
And that made them wereacudas!
‐ Wereacudas?
‐ Oh. Is that why
they're sneaking around up there?
‐ Let's go. No noise.
‐ Come on, guys,
there's no such thing as‐‐
wereacudas.
‐ Hey, guys. I took the elevator.
‐ Pipe down!
‐ Here's the plan. I grab Phil.
Ugga, you wrap up Hope.
Eep, you're on Dawn patrol.
Mm‐hmm.
Thunk, try not to get bitten.
‐ And, most importantly,
aim for the gills!
‐ Or we could just talk to them
because the Bettermans aren't wereacudas.
‐ Aw, I love that you always see
the bright side, Guy‐Boy.
But this time it might get us killed.
So less talking, more stalking.
‐ Ooh. Are you sure
you want to do that?
Just trying to help.
‐ Don't listen to him, Mom.
Dad's just trying to mess with your head.
‐ Way ahead of him, Dawn.
We're married, remember?
That means I'm Phil‐proof.
Eh!
‐ Ha! I win!
Ah, the delicious nectar of victory.
You two know how sweet it is.
Oh, wait, you don't.
Because I am
and always shall be undefeated.
‐ Phil, you promised you wouldn't do that.
‐ Do what, dear? Win?
‐ No, be a bad sport.
You said tonight would be
all fun, no gloating, remember?
‐ Did I?
‐ Yes! That's why Dawn and I are here.
But you haven't changed at all.
‐ Yeah, Dad. You're making
a shame night of game night.
Game night?
‐ Oh, yeah, game night. Ha, ha!
I remember this from when I was a kid.
The Bettermans used to
invite my family over to play games.
It was‐‐ It was so much fun.
‐ Sure, because games are fun.
‐ So no wereacudas here, Mom. Just games.
‐ What's a wereacuda?
‐ Part‐man, part‐bear, part‐fish‐‐
Eh, you know the parts,
'cause you are one!
Get 'em!
‐ Anyway, I like games.
‐ Yeah, not a fan of games.
It's too much work.
But I'm a big fan of game snacks.
Mm! Banana chips. It's not bad.
But I'm not gonna settle.
I'm gonna find the ultimate game snack.
Because that is my destiny.
‐ Uh, why didn't you invite us?
We like fun.
‐ Me too!
That's why I like games.
‐ I just assumed
you wouldn't be interested.
These games are more
cerebral than corporeal.
Brain, not brawn.
Ohh!
‐ So it was for your own good.
After all, strategy and concentration,
and, well, thinking aren't exactly
your cup of bitter leaf juice.
‐ From what I remember,
game night is for everyone.
‐ I like games! My brain good. Grug play.
‐ You're proving my point.
So if you'll excuse us,
Hope and Dawn
are eager to challenge my winning streak.
‐ No, Phil. You blew it.
I'm done playing games with you tonight.
‐ Yeah, Dad. I've lost my game face.
‐ Good news, Croods.
A seat at the table just opened up.
You have no chance of defeating me,
but it's all in good fun.
Welcome to game night!
‐ I'm playing first.
Stack Sticks is quite simple.
Take a stick from the bottom
and put it on top
without toppling the stack.
Like so.
If I factor the stick's exit angle,
calculate removal velocity
to maintain
the stack's structural integrity,
then consider
the load‐bearing sticks below it,
I choose
this one.
Advantage, Phil.
Your turn, Grug.
‐ Ha! I can do that.
‐ And I win.
‐ What? But I barely touched it.
‐ Yes. That's the way
the stack sticks stumble.
Point, me.
‐ I'm playing again.
‐ In the game of Rock, Leaf, Sharp Rock,
rock beats sharp rock,
sharp rock beats leaf and leaf beats rock.
Touch one when I say go.
Go!
Leaf beats rock. I win.
‐ Leaf beats rock? Pfft.
That's ridiculous.
Rock beats everything.
‐ Not in this game.
Point, me.
‐ I'm playing again!
‐ Honey, maybe someone else should play.
‐ My turn!
Finally, the blue shells move diagonally
while the red shells move vertically.
And that's the Shell Game.
Any questions?
‐ Nope. I got it.
‐ You moved right into my trap.
Point, me! I win!
Which means
I get to wear the winner's crown.
Yes!
No one beats the Phil!
‐ Pfft! Big whoop.
These games are stupid.
Let's go, Croods.
We have more important things to do.
‐ Like stopping the wereacudas!
Get 'em!
‐ Boy, this brings back memories.
Thank you for a lovely game night.
‐ I gotta say, Grug, you handled losing
better than I expected.
I'm proud of you.
‐ Aw, thanks.
Now I'll be busy
for the next few days practicing games
until I can beat Phil
because nothing else matters.
‐ And there it is.
It's just like the time
that crowverine beat you in a race.
‐ Just because you beat me
doesn't mean you won!
‐ You're just a bad loser, Grug.
So I want you to walk away from this.
‐ But I‐‐
Okay, I'll walk away.
‐ Thank you.
‐ I'll walk away right after I beat Phil.
‐ That's the spirit, Dad.
We're with you all the way.
Beat Phil! Beat Phil!
‐ Yeah! Beat Phil! Beat Phil!
Beat Phil! Beat Phil!
‐ Eep, what are you doing?
If Grug loses,
won't he tear down the tree house?
‐ Look, we'll never stop him.
So we might as well help him beat Phil.
‐ So you think Grug can win?
‐ Oh, no. Dad can't beat Phil
in brain games.
But I can beat Phil with the timeout club.
So you lure him into the living room
and, boom, Dad wins.
‐ So your plan is to hit Phil with a club?
Maybe we should go talk to Phil instead.
‐ Okay, but it'll be tough to talk to Phil
while he's in timeout.
‐ Uh‐‐ Hmm. Mm‐mmm.
‐ Game Phil again.
And no whining.
You couldn't beat me
even if you had hands.
No licking either.
Lose with dignity.
Uhh‐‐
Phil?
Can we talk to you?
‐ Yes. Of course.
‐ So Grug's feeling down about game night.
He's hoping for a rematch.
‐ And we'd like you to go easy on him.
‐ I could.
But then it wouldn't be a game.
Games are for winning.
And there can only be one winner.
‐ Sorry you feel that way, Phil.
I was hoping to do this the easy way.
‐ You're right, Phil.
But isn't beating Grug at brain games
a hollow victory?
I mean, you're so much smarter than Grug.
‐ That's true. I am brilliant.
‐ Right!
So what if you played
some brawn games against my Dad?
That's a real challenge for a real winner.
‐ I know what's happening here.
You do?
‐ Of course.
You think I'm unstoppable
and you want to bask
in the glow of my gaming supremacy.
I don't blame you. Game on!
‐ My dad's gonna crush him.
‐ Point, us.
‐ Stack Sticks struggles, stranger?
‐ No.
Yes.
I can't stack sticks.
‐ There, there, Grug.
Dry your tears.
‐ I'm not crying.
‐ It's a metaphor.
Ugh. Never mind.
How would you like to play some games
more suited to your brawn?
Brawn means muscle.
‐ Oh!
Then you're talking my talk words.
‐ Go for the gills!
‐ Not now, Gran.
We got games to play.
‐ Our first game is Hunt or Be Hunted.
‐ So it's hunting?
‐ To oversimplify it, yes.
I will run and you will catch me.
Ha. If you can.
Catch you? Ha!
This is my kinda game.
‐ Indeed. Your brawn should have
no problem besting my brain.
‐ Uh, heh, hunting?
Yeah, more like slaughter.
‐ Yeah, I almost feel bad for Phil.
He doesn't stand a chance.
‐ Don't be too sure.
Phil would never play a game
he couldn't win.
Mm‐hmm.
Winning is more important
to my dad than I am.
‐ Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
No, it is.
Phil needs to win.
He said he would change,
but he hasn't.
And, if Phil doesn't win,
well, we're all in trouble.
I learned that the hard way.
I won! I finally beat you. Ha!
Phil, it's been three weeks.
You lost. Get over it.
The farm is falling apart.
So we have two terrible losers
playing against each other.
What's the worst that could happen?
‐ Oh, I don't know. Just the end of life
on the farm as we know it.
‐ Yeah. Maybe the timeout club
was the way to go.
‐ Uh‐huh. Now you're talking
my talk words.
‐ I've hunted my whole life.
You sure you wanna do this?
Yes.
And put me down.
Thank you.
Shall we begin?
‐ It's your funeral fire.
Let's do it.
Huh.
Phil? Where'd you go?
Hmm.
Oh, it's on.
Gotcha!
Gotcha!
Gotcha?
Gotcha!
Aw! You're not Phil!
Hmph! That's it.
I've looked everywhere.
I'm never gonna find him.
‐ That's because your brawn
didn't look here.
But my brain did.
Point, me.
‐ W‐w‐‐ I can't believe
Dad lost a hunting game to Phil!
‐ I can't believe Phil built
a fake crowverine egg just to win.
‐ Oh, Phil will do anything to win.
‐ Winning is everything!
‐ But to be fair,
that's why I married him.
‐ He once invented a game for my birthday
just so he could beat me at it.
My fourth birthday.
‐ I'm just glad
Phil is gaming someone else now.
Better Grug than us.
‐ That's it.
Timeout time.
Guy, create a distraction.
‐ No. I'm sure Grug'll win the next one.
‐ Ooh, ooh. Are those bug nuggets?
I'll take some.
‐ No. You deserve better.
We all do.
And I'm going to find a better game snack
if it's the last thing I ever do!
‐ And that's rock lifting.
Beat that.
‐ Impressive display
of raw brute strength.
But it's no match for raw brute brain.
Need I say it?
‐ No fair!
‐ Isn't it?
You used your strengths
and I used mine.
Point, me.
‐ Let me guess.
Dad will win the next one?
‐ Maybe?
‐ Whoo! Big throw! Big throw!
‐ Maybe you beat me before,
but no way you can throw a spear
farther than that.
‐ True. Lucky for me you agreed to
"enhanced throwing" when we started.
‐ Because I didn't know what it was!
Wh‐‐ What is it?
‐ Allow me to demonstrate.
Victory, me.
I am the game master!
I'm taking your pelt
because I've bested you.
It's a display of dominance!
On second thought, keep the pelt
and wear the shame of defeat.
Also, it smells.
‐ Okay! Phil's spear went farther, Dad,
but yours went straighter.
‐ I'm proud of you, Grug.
You've never taken a loss this well.
‐ A lot of people say
being a good loser makes you a winner.
‐ Nope. No one says that, Guy.
‐ Maybe they do starting now.
‐ See, Phil?
Losing graciously isn't so hard.
Even Grug can do it.
‐ Yeah, Dad. Maybe you can
remember this at my next birthday?
‐ Why? I'm not a loser like Grug.
‐ I'm not a loser!
‐ Then how do you explain all the losing?
‐ Just because I lost doesn't mean I lost.
‐ Actually, that's precisely
what it means.
And it proves
I can beat you at anything,
thanks to my superior brain.
‐ He's about to blow, Guy.
‐ Don't worry. I just had an amazing idea.
Or as some people say, a Guy‐dea.
‐ Nope. No one says that.
‐ Maybe they do starting now.
Easy, big fella.
As Hope might say,
just empty your mind
and think of your happy place.
Because I was thinking
we could play a new game.
A game for everyone.
And it's called‐‐
‐ Survival.
Dad and Phil,
outside the wall, on their own.
No tools, supplies or food.
Who can last longer.
‐ Not what I was gonna say at all.
‐ Yes. Right now. Let's Survival!
‐ Interesting.
But you know what else is interesting?
That new game Guy almost talked about.
‐ Uh‐‐
‐ No more games.
I can't take the farm shutting down again
if Phil loses.
‐ And there won't be a farm if Grug loses.
Just a smoldering crater.
‐ Hope and Ugga make excellent points.
‐ Oh, sounds like you're chicken seal.
Oi‐i‐i‐nk!
‐ That's not the sound chicken seals make.
‐ That's the sound chicken seals make.
‐ And I don't sound like that.
Fine, Grug, I gladly
accept your challenge.
And I'll win again
because I love the wilderness!
‐ Quick reminder that you can't bring
tools, supplies or food.
You have to survive on your own out here.
‐ Oh, all right.
Chunky, you're free to go.
‐ Much better.
Time for Survival. Good luck.
‐ No, I can't do this!
I mean, I can't wait to do this.
‐ Ha! You got it right the first time.
And, uh, don't follow me.
Are you following me?
‐ Me? Of course not.
I love the wilderness.
If I weren't already married,
wilderness, I'd marry you.
Because what's not to love?
Fresh air, majestic trees‐‐
Brazen insects with dreadful stings.
That are everywhere and favor necks.
Ugh, thorns! So many thorns.
Ohh!
Majestic tree.
‐ Ooh!
I love the wilderness!
‐ I hate the wilderness!
What was that?
Oh. It was just the wind.
What was that?
Oh.
Just more wind.
Phil.
‐ What was that?
It's not the wind.
‐ Gah!
Gotcha!
‐ What are you doing here?
‐ I figured you were in trouble.
And I was right. Ready to give up?
‐ Not a chance.
I'll be fine as soon as I start this fire.
‐ Oh, you mean like this?
‐ Ha! I tricked you into starting my fire.
Brain always beats brawn.
‐ In that case,
your brain can start it again.
I'm going back to my camp.
Have a good night.
‐ Ha! Fire!
As I said, brain always beats‐‐
brawn.
‐ Wilderness, why did I ever leave you?
Maybe it was the screaming.
Hmm. That sounds like Phil.
And that sounds like victory.
Point, me.
Ha!
Well, gee, Phil,
you look a little down.
In a pit.
Get it?
'Cause you're in a pit.
‐ Oh, Grug. Heh.
Thank the stars you're here.
I was taken by these bearacudas.
For some reason they put me in this pit.
‐ Yeah, because they're gonna eat you.
Bearacudas keep food in a pit
until they're hungry.
‐ What? Get me out of here!
‐ Whoa!
That one almost got me.
Sure, I'll get you out.
Right after you say I won.
‐ What? Never!
‐ Okay. Enjoy dinner.
Sorry, enjoy being dinner.
‐ Fine! Leave me.
But when the bearacudas eat me,
I'll be in their bellies,
outside the wall.
So I'll be out here longer than you,
and I'll be the winner.
‐ Ha! You mean dinner.
'Cause they're gonna eat you.
Whoa!
Yeah, getting closer.
And you have to be alive to win, Phil.
‐ We never agreed to that!
‐ The game is called Survival!
You can't get eaten and‐‐
Whoa! Ha!
Missed me.
‐ Honestly, I don't know what's worse,
getting eaten or losing.
‐ Definitely losing.
And we both lost.
‐ Hmm. Not so fast.
Since the bearacudas are involved,
this is now a three‐player game.
So we could both win
and the bearacudas could lose.
‐ You sure that's how it works?
‐ Yes. Because it means
we don't have to lose.
It's win‐win.
Except for the bearacudas
because they lose.
‐ I'm good with that.
So how do we win‐win?
‐ Simple.
We combine my brain and your brawn
in the ultimate game
of Rock, Leaf, Sharp Rock.
First, we use Sharp Rock
to carve the bones into climbing holds.
And you use your beastly strength
to turn the bones into a makeshift ladder.
Then we wrap our feet in Leaf
to muffle our footsteps,
and we sneak past the bearacudas
to freedom.
What about Rock?
What's that for?
That's for if the bearacudas wake up.
Throw Rock. Throw Rock!
‐ That's right. It's Thunk!
Yes!
‐ It's me.
‐ I always wished
game night could be like this.
You know, fun.
Too bad the dads are missing it.
‐ Don't worry, Dawn.
The dads will walk through that door
any moment.
Well, my dad will.
But he'll be carrying your dad.
‐ I hope not.
This is the best game night
we've ever had.
From now on,
game night is officially a Phil‐free zone.
Woo‐hoo!
‐ Okay, next one.
Guess what I drew.
‐ Ooh. Ooh‐ooh! Is it a fish thingy?
‐ You have to be more specific.
‐ A fish thingy with claws?
‐ More specific than that.
Good guess, Sandy, but no.
- Ooh!
- Hmm.
‐ Well‐‐
I'm done guessing.
‐ Yeah? You know what I drew?
‐ No. But I finally found
the perfect game snack,
banana chips.
‐ Wasn't that the snack you started with?
‐ Oh, yeah.
Well, it's not the snack destination.
It's the snack journey.
‐ Anybody else?
PHIL and
Bearacudas!
‐ Hey‐hey, you guessed what I drew.
‐ Which means you won Guess What I Drew.
‐ No, bearacudas trapped us.
‐ They wanted to eat us.
‐ Whoa! So did they eat you?
‐ No, son.
We're here.
‐ That's right.
Because Grug and I
played the game of Survival.
Together.
‐ And we won!
Together.
‐ And then I won this game.
‐ What? No, I said "bearacudas" first.
‐ Yes.
First after me.
‐ Did any of those bearacudas bite you
and turn you into wereacudas?
‐ Me? No.
But Phil? Maybe.
‐ What?
‐ Better safe than sorry.
Aim for the gills, Sandy!