The Dress Up Gang (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

Hey, Cory.
Hey, Cory.
Hey, Christian.
Hey, you're not coming
to Raging Waters with us
to beat the heat?
Oh, no I'm gonna stay home
and beat it here.
What's on your mind?
I don't think Donny should
come with us to Raging Waters.
Christian,
Donny bought
a season pass months ago.
Why would you say that?
Okay, so
I was coming home from
the grocery store yesterday
and I saw Donny
in the courtyard.
He was wearing a yellow shirt
with a thermal turtleneck
underneath.
He went to take
the yellow shirt off
but he didn't hold
the thermal turtleneck down
and it rolled up for a second.
And I saw his stomach.
I think that Donny has, uh
He has what?
A six-pack.
Oh, dear.
If he goes
to Raging Waters like that,
and he takes his shirt off,
he's gonna make everyone there
feel bad about their bodies.
I mean, imagine if Frankie saw.
Get my belly more.
Hey, what's up, Christian.
Hey, Frankie.
Yeah, I'm wondering if maybe
what you saw wasn't abs
so much as maybe, uh, shadows
being cast from the tree
or maybe a bird flying by
or something.
Maybe.
Or maybe he's jacked
to the gills.
Hey, what's up, guys?
Oh, my God.
He's right there.
Oh, fuck.
What are y'all staring at?
I don't know
how this happened.
You know I wouldn't
wanna make people
feel bad about their bodies,
right Cor?
I know.
Hey, Dr. DeMorris.
I got here
as quickly as I could.
I'm just gonna go
underneath here.
Just on the doorstep,
that's all.
I'd like to try and feel
Sure.
Sure.
That's not a
That's not a six-pack.
That's an eight-pack.
It's even got the V-things
run into the
into the pelvic region, it's
Abercrombie abs.
Mm.
Brad Pitt had them
in "Fight Club."
Damn it.
How could this have happened?
I mean,
it's not like we eat right.
Have you been doing crunches?
- No.
- Been planking?
Reverse planking? Pilates?
Aw, hell no.
If you have, just tell us,
sport, it's okay.
No. Nothing.
Donny may have
a freakish metabolism.
Oh, great. I'm a freak.
Guess I can't go
to Raging Waters this summer.
Heck, I got no chance
at beating the heat.
Wait, I know what I can do.
If we don't want people
to see my abs,
I'll wear a shirt in the water.
Donny, you remember
the wet T-shirt contest
at Frankie's 35th?
Well, those wet T-shirts
didn't exactly
hide those gross bodies,
did they?
No.
They accentuated them.
Look, let's not give up hope.
There are things that we can do.
I'll come back tomorrow
with a plan and a regimen.
In the meantime,
don't move a muscle.
Okay.
Get him!
Now, the key here is gonna be
tons of calories in,
zero calories out.
Ah, I have written here
a list of foods
I want you to feed him.
Cheeseburgers, milkshakes
Okay, yeah, we can do that.
Be sure you go
to Tom's Burgers.
They're very, very fatty.
And they will give you a
discount if you order in bulk.
It doesn't sound so bad,
does it, pal?
That takes care
of the calories in.
As for calories out,
moving burns calories,
so no moving.
- Ah!
- Oh!
Get him again!
Hey, come on, man!
Oh. Here we go.
- Ah.
- Down the hatch.
Oh get it.
There we go.
Get in there.
Okay.
Ooh, squirt me, homey.
Squirt me, homey.
I want this one finished
before you go to bed, all right?
What are you tweeting?
- My body is wack.
- Why?
'Cause it's the truth
and the truth resonates
and it's gonna get
about 400-500 retweets.
That's not true.
The only thing wack around here
right now is your attitude.
Checkmate.
Donny, we made you a cake.
Aww. "Get fat soon!"
Thanks, Frank.
Thanks, Kevin.
Check it out.
I'm Donny. I'm Donny.
Check it out. Boom.
All right, that's enough.
If you make him laugh,
you're just gonna
make those abs stronger.
Last one, let's make it count,
make a little noise.
- Higher.
- What? Oh, all right.
One, two, three, here we go.
- Oh.
- Ohh.
Oh, bup-bup-bup,
comedies bring calories, pal.
Let's watch
"Billion Dollar Baby."
"We had Kobe,
who was a fearsome competitor.
He didn't get along with Shaq,
but that was okay
because we were winning.
Winning soothes everything."
Well,
let us see if it's, uh
If it's still shredded in here.
You know,
I had a dream last night, Doc.
I dreamt that my abs
were like waffles.
And each square of the waffle
represented a different ab.
And all the food
I've been eating lately
was like syrup filling
in each square of my waffle.
Until finally,
they were all full.
And my stomach was flat.
Like a pancake.
Look, I'm not gonna
waste my time
if you don't want the help.
What are you talking about?
You're making
a mockery of this.
- You vain, vain boy.
- What?
What have you been doing?
Planks?
Reverse planks?
CrossFit?
No.
Wait,
so he didn't lose the abs?
If anything, his V-things
are more pronounced.
I didn't do anything
except for what you
told me to do, Doc.
I mean, I'm doing the work.
Face it.
He's jacked
and he always will be.
Maybe we should've made
a bigger cake.
Guess I'll just stay inside
and beat the heat with Cory.
Forever.
Well,
we gotta get to Raging Waters.
Back to check on you
in a week or so, I suppose.
Keep up the good fight, buddy.
- Thanks, Doc.
- Yeah.
See you guys later.
I'll fill up your feed bag,
okay?
- Okay.
- Vanilla or chocolate?
Chocolate.
You got it.
It's almost feeding time, pal.
You're gonna love this one.
I made it extra thick.
Hey, Frank.
Didn't know you were still here.
Hey, Cory.
Hey, Frank,
you mind giving us a minute?
All right.
One love.
One love to you.
All right, Donny, let's
Get your feed bag replaced here.
All right.
I'm just gonna hang this one
on this hook right here.
There.
All right.
Let's get this burger cut up
into little pieces for you.
What's in the burger, Cory?
Just the usual.
Mustard, ketchup,
all-beef patty.
Oh, that's ketchup
and mustard, all right.
But that ain't beef.
Oh.
Well, maybe it looks like
a fish sandwich
from where you are, but
It's all beef.
Ah, drop the act, Cory.
Frankie said
he saw you poisoning me
with Muscle Milk and tofu,
he says.
You know what I told him?
I said, Frankie,
you must be trippin', dog.
But he wasn't trippin',
was he, Cory?
No.
He wasn't trippin'.
Why?
Why'd you do it?
You know, every year,
it's the same thing.
Everyone goes to Raging Waters,
plays with their squirt guns,
Slip 'N Slides,
while I'm alone
inside the house.
Why don't you just
come with us?
I mean, you know
I'd buy you a ticket.
Because
Outside, I get hot.
But inside, with the AC,
I'm in control.
Down to the degree.
You know, I started
to help you at first.
I really did.
Got all the burgers
and shakes from Tom's,
just like Dr. DeMorris said,
but
Then I started
Started having fun.
Thought maybe I wouldn't
have to spend the summer
all by myself.
Well, I had fun too.
But what you did wasn't right.
No, it wasn't.
I'm sorry I poisoned you
with tofu and Muscle Milk.
I'll start feeding you
burgers and shakes
and you can go hang out with
your friends again in no time.
Mm, doesn't matter.
Summer's ruined.
Well, wait a second, eh, pal?
What time is it?
What's the big idea?
You're gonna beat the heat.
Your way.
I'm gonna go beat it mine.
Uh, it's still not draining.
Not at all?
It doesn't look like it.
- Hey, pal.
- Hey, Donny.
Guess what I just bought?
Oh, it's too early in the day
for me to strike out.
Why don't you give
my guess to Fox?
Okay.
Cement.
Nope.
A hammer.
- No.
- Just tell us, man.
New shoes.
Oh, cool.
What kind did you get?
The new Tubular Invaders.
Tubular Invaders.
Pretty cool.
Not the Adidas Tubular
Invaders though, right?
Yeah.
Saw them in the window and
it was love at first sight.
- Mm.
- I'm gonna go put them on.
The guys are gonna come by
and we're gonna go
to the mall and take
these puppies for a test drive.
See you guys.
Hey, Cory.
I hate to pry,
but have you seen the new
Adidas Tubular Invaders?
No. Why?
They're all white.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
I'm just worried that
if he wears them to the mall,
- he might
- Scuff them.
Mall's the
dirtiest place on Earth.
He's gonna be crushed.
Has he ever had a pair
of all-white shoes?
No.
He has no idea
what he's getting into.
You wanna see the Invaders?
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Oh, shit!
The Tubular
- Invaders, my boy.
- I ain't mad at those one bit.
So, I guess you just flip the
strap and you're ready to go.
Rub-a-dub-dub.
You put those in the tub?
- Phew.
- You looking clean.
- Hey guys.
- Oh, what's up, Cor?
Oh. Okay.
The Tubular Invaders, huh?
There they are.
Uh, hey, guys. do you mind
giving me and Donny a minute?
He'll be down in just a minute.
Congratulations.
Definitely slappin'.
I'll be right out, guys.
Listen, pal, um
I know how exciting it can be
to have your first pair
of all-white shoes.
I love them.
But it's also important to,
to be safe.
Which is why
I got something for you.
Oh, what'd you get?
Plastic bags.
- And they got the strap.
- And the strap is tight.
You just strap
and you're ready to ride.
You ready to roll.
That's what's up, man.
What's on your feet, Donny?
Oh, Cory wanted me
to wear these bags
to keep my shoes clean.
I guess that's
a pretty good idea.
They're all-white.
I think it is a good idea,
however,
I ain't wearing the bags.
Ooh, Donny, you bad.
I like that.
I'm just gonna hide these
bags in the bushes
and I'll put them back on
before I come home.
Cory will be none the wiser.
Let's hit up the food court,
man, I'm starving.
- Yeah, me too.
- Nice work.
Hey, what are you in the
mood for? Like, Panda Express?
- Read my mind.
- Yeah, baby.
Ooh, I wanna get
that Asian beef.
- Hey, Fox.
- Hey, Cory.
Look, I was walking home.
Saw these bags dancing
in the wind together.
They looked like
the ones you gave Donny.
They are?
Yup.
I'll track him down.
We're losing light.
Fox?
Take the bags.
- Thank you.
- What's up, lil Kev?
- Hey.
- Time to wake up, homeboy.
- Kev, what's up, bro?
Tubular Invaders.
Donny!
A guy with kind of, like,
an afro, white shoes?
Did you guys see
a guy with a big afro?
Donny.
Excuse me, sir.
Hey, guys.
- Ooh, my boy, yeah!
- Oh! That's Donny right there.
What happened?
He scuffed them.
That's the thing. Donny
scuffed his shoes at the mall.
Couldn't get to him in time.
Let me see the shoe.
Can you fix it?
I'm not a miracle worker,
but I'll try my best.
Please.
Anything for Donny.
All right, what happened?
All right, all right,
one at a time.
Pick a number between 1 and 10.
Six.
- Five.
- Two.
It was four. So, Brent?
Um, okay, we were
at the food court,
and Donny went to go
throw away some trash.
And then there was
this other guy
and he was in front Donny and
he was throwing away his trash.
And after he was done
throwing it away,
it looked like he was gonna go
left but he actually went back.
- He leaned back.
- Yeah, he just stepped back
Out of nowhere.
- Direct hit.
- Okay.
- Did you exchange information?
- Yeah.
Good. Thank you.
I'll call him later.
Well, thanks for bringing Donny home.
If you guys wanna
maybe get going
See you guys.
I'll call you later.
Keith? Um, we're gonna
go to Panthers.
Should've worn those bags.
I'm never gonna wear white
outside ever again.
Not even if I'm
on a beach in Cabo.
You don't have that attitude.
If you're ever in Cabo and
people are wearing white,
you just
Put plastic bags
over your pants.
Well
So this was a pretty bad one.
I tried an experimental blend
Bleach, nail polish remover
on a toothbrush
My toothbrush, so I know
it's been through a lot.
And the stain
is gone.
It's like it wasn't even there.
Great job, Fox.
Where'd it go?
Where was it ever?
That's impossible.
There's something you should
probably say to Fox.
I think it was written
on those plastic bags.
God, thanks, Fox.
Come on. Let's celebrate.
You want a whiskey?
Yes, I do.
Learn from this, Donny.
Learn.
Hey, pal. I found
a quarter from Nebraska.
Cool.
You know,
you don't have to wear
the plastic bags
inside the house.
Oh, I know.
But, you know,
better safe than sorry.
Just like you tell me.
Hey, Cor. Is Donny here?
We're gonna go to the mall.
Um
Donny's not feeling too well.
I don't think he's
gonna be able to
come join you guys at the mall.
All right, y'all,
let's ride it out.
Let's just go to Panthers.
"Coaching Kobe
was a dream come true.
"Every year he was able
to lead our basketball team
to new heights, and we were"
Are you listening or not?
No.
Definitely not.
I'm gonna eat some ice cream.
Do you want any?
No, I'm good, thanks.
Hey, what the fuck
are you doing?
What are you talking about?
You almost scuffed
my goddamn shoe.
I did not almost
scuff your shoe.
Besides,
you got plastic bags on them.
You haven't taken
them off in three days.
Okay. Go get your ice cream.
Okay.
You wait right here.
I'm gonna be right back.
I'm gonna do something
I should've done
a couple of days ago.
You better not do it.
I can hear you in there.
Cory?
You look ferocious.
I know.
They fit you perfectly.
From every angle.
Wait, how come I've never
seen you wear those before?
I bought these at a
Buffalo Exchange 12 years ago.
Only wore them once.
Why?
Was driving down the road
with a cup of coffee
right between my legs.
Hit one little bump.
Little droplet
went through the coffee cup,
and landed right there
on my pants.
I'm so sorry.
So, I drove right
to the dry cleaner.
Luckily, they got it out.
Luckily.
She said it was that close.
So, you see, I do know
what you're going through.
Hey, where you going?
Outside.
What are you, nuts?
You're gonna ruin them.
- Yeah.
I probably will.
But all I know
is that pants this white
were meant to be
seen and envied.
So are shoes like that.
You coming or what?