The Duchess (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

[crowd cheers and whistles]
[hip hop music plays]
[door opens]
- [crowd cheers]
- [Shep] Great set, guys.
Whoo! What a show!
Yeah, yeah, you lads
You lads go on without me.
I'll see you on the bus.
[Katherine] Hey.
Are you who I think you are?
Shepherd Knight, yeah.
Tru-Sé lead singer.
Aftershave ambassador.
Star.
Your security's pretty tight.
My abs are pretty tight, too.
I've been doing a lot of core work.
- I'll be frank.
- I'll be Shep Knight.
I came out here to suck your dick.
Fine by me.
As long as you suck it with your pussy.
First, sign my tits.
Bend over, girl
Show me what you workin' with ♪
Shake ya ass
Watch yourself ♪
Shake ya ass
Show me what you workin' with ♪
Attention all y'all players and pimps
Right now ♪
[he exhales slowly]
Cool.
[she sighs]
[music continues]
[gags] Oh, my God, I'm gonna throw up.
No, you didn't puke
until after we had sex.
- Not then, now. Just carry on.
- I've a new rule against shagging women
- when they're puking.
- Oh, God.
I just need to drink more
and not look directly at you.
- [Shep] Here.
- [she groans]
God, you were so much more fun
as a groupie.
Uh, look, I'm not gonna actually be able
to kiss you anywhere near your face.
Excellent. Then don't touch me
anywhere physically with your hands.
- Okay. I'm gonna get back into character.
- [he sighs]
Whoo! Come on.
- [Shep grunts and yells]
- [Katherine groans]
[exhales sharply]
[sighs]
[breathes deeply]
So what brings you to London?
Well, my roommate and I
are big Tru-Sé fans.
We had tickets to your Toronto show,
but then when Gareth got electrocuted
and you sadly canceled,
we booked a flight.
Lucky me.
I cannot believe you said, "Lucky me,"
when your bandmate got third-degree burns.
That should've been a red flag.
If you're not gonna play along,
what's the point?
- Stick to what happened. We had a deal.
- All right then, stop talking.
Let's get this over with, because if we
back out, we'll have to do it all again.
Just say nothing and get your dick out.
[sighs]
[fly unzips]
[sighs]
- I'm not hard.
- Why not? I wore the outfit.
Maybe 'cause you're gross
and you keep being yourself?
All right, I won't insult you again.
Plan. Think of things you like.
- Brexit, guns, bacon.
- [moans happily]
- And then I will just
- [spray hisses]
back up into your disgusting penis
that I predicted would be broken.
[he gags and retches]
You're not even trying to turn me on.
I'm trying to override
my body's natural response to your cock,
- which is to sandpaper it off.
- Just don't talk.
- Then you don't talk.
- [Shep sighs]
Be a man!
Oh! Jesus Christ.
[Katherine sighs] We're doing this
for Olive. For Olive
Yeah, visualizing my daughter isn't
helping. Mention someone else's daughter.
- What?
- Don't look at me.
- [he exclaims]
- [she sighs]
- [he groans]
- [she whimpers]
Come on, Katherine, it's only
for a minute. You've done it before.
[she whimpers]
It'll be like reversing onto a tampon.
- Oh!
- [Katherine] Ew. Is it in?
- [door opens]
- [they gasp]
Oi! Go shag somewhere else, yeah?
Sir, how dare you?
That's not what we were doing.
Yeah, all right, darlin'.
Where is your manager?
I'm a respectable businesswoman.
Listen, take your business down the road.
Sorry, mate, she's obviously a prostitute.
- Yo Didn't you used to be Shep Knight?
- [crowd cheers inside]
Still am, brother!
[laughs heartily]
Ay, that is jokes!
Hey, you want a picture?
Nah, man, I'm good.
But seriously,
don't fuck back here, innit.
[door slams]
[Shep sighs]
[Katherine sighs]
Look, I don't wanna kick you
while you're down,
but you weren't actually the lead singer,
because there's no lead singer
in a boy band.
Even the strongest man alive
couldn't fuck you.
But at least he tried.
I'll give you
my fertility clinic's number.
No! No doctors.
- [groans] It just isn't meant to be.
- Shep, we had a deal.
- [door opens]
- [man sighs] I said you gotta leave.
You can stay and watch, phone the police
or mind your own fucking business,
but I tell you, bruv,
only one of those options
won't result in you getting banged up.
Mate, you need to get your prozzy in line.
It's "sex worker," young man.
You're gonna get me killed.
I will kill you myself
if you back out of this now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is for
a single mother to set aside free time,
only to see it wasted?
[sighs] There must be some way. Here
cum into my hands.
You joking me?
What? Cum into my hands,
I'll catch at least most of it,
then we don't have to touch each other.
- Okay. I'll cum into your hands.
- It'll be like milking a cow,
- without touching it.
- [Shep groans]
- [Katherine] I'll just catch one drip
- Just keep that shut.
Just cum into my hands.
I'm gonna cum in your hands.
Give me two seconds.
- I'm in a squat, so if you can hurry up
- It's cold, hang on.
- [Katherine] Cum into my hands.
- Okay, I'll cum into your hands!
[man] What? What you saying now, when the
mandem's here? Where you going, blud?
- Out of the fucking way!
- Hey!
[Shep] Sake.
[Katherine] Don't hurt me,
I was being assaulted!
[hip hop music plays]
[gentle electronic music plays]
Never meant to be you ♪
- [dogs bark]
- [quietly] Shh!
- Shh, shh.
- [barking continues]
[Evan] Hey!
[Katherine] Just a minute!
Never meant for all of this ♪
Never meant for you to love ♪
Never meant for you to trust ♪
So I'll take my time next time ♪
And I'll do it right ♪
Only with grace
I'll take all the words that you said ♪
When you brought it back from the ♪
[sighs]
Ground ♪
Hi.
- Hey.
- You're a sight for sore eyes.
I paid the babysitter.
How was the exhibition?
Oh, it was trash.
You would not have liked it.
[sighs] I really wish I was here with you.
Ah, you're very sweet
when you hate art shows.
No, I mean it. It's really easy
having you here. Suspiciously easy.
Yeah, this is probably a bad time
to tell you about my secret family.
Oh, yep, there had to be something.
Won't your wife come looking for you soon?
Wives. Plural. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have to do Valentine's Day in shifts.
But they're at church tonight,
don't worry.
- That's a relief.
- Hmm.
My genuine family are in town.
Let's have dinner with my parents.
For over a year,
I've been telling them
about my Canadian girlfriend.
It just sounds really made up.
Yeah, it does. [laughs]
So you'll come?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- But just to prove I exist.
- Oh.
And because you're so adorable.
Your parents are really nice and normal,
right?
- Yeah, definitely normal.
- Oh, good.
Of course, as soon as you hear the phrase
"single mother,"
you automatically fear the worst.
- DNA tests, lie detectors
- Dad.
When you hear "single father," you think,
"He killed his wife
and made it look like an accident."
[laughter]
We were certainly wrong about you, dear.
Excuse me. What are the sheep's names?
Well, there's, um, Whiskey and Beer.
Uh Oh, we haven't named all of them.
Just our favorites.
Oh, you'll have to come and visit soon,
with Mummy and Dr. Evan.
Give them all proper names.
Mum, until recently I was just Olive's
dentist, but we're taking things slow.
And now he sleeps in my bed.
- Oh, that's very inappropriate, darling.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Evan stays in her room
and Olive sleeps with me.
[Mum] Oh, good for you, pet. Aw.
Dr. Evan slept with me until he was 12.
Isn't that right, my sweet baby boy?
- [Mum] Mmm. [laughs]
- [Dad] And that
is why Evan has no siblings.
[Mum] Oh, hush.
He's always making that joke!
- Obviously, a house has other rooms.
- Oh, Mum!
No, I'm not gonna apologize
for getting at it when I could.
Even outside on your trampoline.
[Evan groans]
- Good for you!
- We still pop out sometimes
- for a bit of bouncy-bouncy.
- [laughter]
I mean, children are not your entire life.
They come into it, then they go out.
Your mother is quite right.
We've always put each other first
and that is the key to our success
and happiness, even now.
[Katherine] Well, those three got on
like a house on fire.
My parents hardly even call her.
My mum calls every day.
[laughs] Yeah.
- Go on.
- [she laughs]
I know you wanna mention
her kissing me on the mouth.
[laughs] Oh? Did she?
The entire restaurant hardly noticed that,
or when she cut your food up
or when she asked
if you wanted to come for a wee.
- She just meant for company on the walk.
- [laughs]
Does she hold it for you?
She's a bit much.
Oh, she's amazing.
The restaurant were definitely taking bets
on the nature of your relationship.
And she calls you Dr. Evan.
You don't mind all that stuff?
Oh, it's super fucking weird. I love it.
And they didn't even hate me!
Hey, they loved you.
Like I love you.
I love you, too. It's a disaster.
You know, once, she, uh,
she made us matching sailor suits.
What a woman.
Hey, that's one thing I love about you.
You don't smother me.
No, I certainly do not.
Mummy, Dr. Evan, hurry,
come look at the posh car!
Okay.
[Mum] Hurry up, sweetie.
Come on, Dr. Evan! Your mum will want
to strap you in your booster seat.
[Evan, quietly] Not now. Hey!
- [Katherine] Wow.
- [Evan] Nice car, eh?
[Bev] I know you're knackered.
I know. I'm tired too, Tom.
- [doorbell rings]
- All right, the door's going.
Hi, my love. How are you feeling?
Ah, I'm perfectly fine, darlin'.
Turns out a blood clot can strike
out of the blue, anytime, anywhere,
even at my young age.
Terrifying.
Maybe you and Katherine
join my Pilates group, keep it all moving.
Oh, that's kind, but we already swim.
Oh, where do you do that?
We do it together.
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Um, well, let's do something else
this week, shall we?
I'd love to,
but we're really up against it.
We're behind on prep for a big event.
Event? I love events.
Head girl, prom committee,
Celebrate Sobriety Convention chair.
What needs doing?
I mean, have you got a car?
I've got two cars. And a van.
Okay. Uh, why don't you help me
take some of the heavier shit
down to the venue?
It's a body positivity thing,
so it's a big opportunity
for the business.
Great. Take my number,
my phone is always on,
and I will rearrange some stuff
and see if I can join you for swimming!
Okay, I've got to get back to work, Jane,
but we'll see you there, babe, all right?
- Okay, bye.
- Do you swim locally?
[chuckles] Hmm.
[sighs]
I keep it juicy, juicy ♪
I eat that lunch ♪
She keep that booty, booty ♪
She keep that plump, yeah ♪
That natural beauty, beauty ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If you could see it from the front
Wait 'til you see it from the back ♪
Ladies, welcome to Ardour Live
body positivity headline talk.
- Now I trust
- [quietly] These bloody incisions.
Should you even be
out of your compression suit?
Don't be silly. I've had fat grafting,
what, half a dozen times?
Wouldn't hurt to keep the bandages on
an extra few days.
Listen, you need to stay in your lane,
all right? Let me sort out our branding.
Trust me, we want to be at the forefront
of this body positivity movement.
Well, I'm positive you just had
the forefront of your body sucked out
and stuck back in your ass.
Do you love it, though?
I mean, yeah, totally worth
the death scare. It looks so good.
It is my pleasure to introduce to you,
speaking candidly for the first time,
body-positive potters, Kiln 'Em Softly.
[applause and cheers]
- Thank you.
- [Bev] Thank you.
And in the celebrity world,
there is constant body shaming,
and that's what motivated me to celebrate
all representations of the female form.
You both have come so far,
- from WAGs to feminists.
- [audience chuckles]
Tell us about that.
We were always feminists.
You can be both a feminist
and be dating a member of a boy band.
[laughter]
Aw, that was taken right after we both
found out we were pregnant, remember?
Oh, yeah. So Bev and I did meet because
our partners were in a group together
and we were really like-minded.
Yeah, straight away, we were like sisters.
Right. So, Katherine
while Bev had her "proper family,"
you were unable
to make your relationship work
with Tru-Sé boy band star
Shepherd Knight.
The press branded you an opportunist,
a gold digger.
Canada Today went as far as to name you
"The Mountee."
[scoffs] What a fun memory.
[host] Sadly, baby Olive grew up
in a broken home.
So where is your daughter right now?
She's on a play-date.
You don't have to constantly ask
working mothers where their kids are.
[laughs] So you definitely weren't
interested in the money? At all?
No, I just wanted
to fuck the guy on stage.
[host] Well, I think we've learned
so much today
about how to love ourselves
in our own aging skin.
[dogs bark and pant]
Come on.
Yeah.
[man] Oi!
Those are my kid's dogs!
Oh, Shep. Hi! It's, er
It's Evan.
And you have permission
to be walking my daughter's property?
I do, yeah.
Okay.
[dogs whimper]
Would you be interested
in an investment opportunity?
What have you got in mind?
- Plums.
- Plums?
They're the new superfood, man.
Get this.
Saffron is more valuable than cocaine.
It's the world's most expensive spice.
Truffles cost more per gram than diamonds.
We're talking about plums, though, right?
Like the fruit?
Got a guy in the plum industry.
Twelve percent of your vitamin C intake
in each one.
Twelve, man!
Wow, that sounds pretty moderate.
I'll, um
- I'll get back to you.
- Cool.
You got a dog walker number
I can get you at?
[Evan laughs]
It's Evan, man.
- [mouths]
- Evan.
Evan. Katherine's boyfriend.
- You and my ex?
- Yeah.
[sighs]
She can be sneaky, man.
Watch out for that one.
Wh what do you mean?
I'd just hate to see
a nice guy like you get hurt. [sighs]
Or maybe I'm out of line
and you're cool with everything
that went down the other night.
Her demanding sex off me and threatening
me with violence when I changed me mind.
[laughs] God, I am glad I did not cum
into her hands when she begged me to.
Millie's house is cool. She has her own
phone and she's getting an Apple Watch.
[Katherine] That kid can tell time?
[Olive] Stop that, Mummy,
we're friends now. How's Aunt Bev?
[Katherine] Bum looks great,
and she made a mean lady cry
and it went viral.
PR is a strange old beast.
Jameela Jamil embedded the footage
with the words,
"Art is pain. So is being a woman.
Beautiful!" Isn't that great?
But more press means more work.
What about having my baby?
Hey, I can work and have a baby,
Piers Morgan.
I was thinking,
if you promise not to have sex with him,
maybe Dr. Evan can be the baby's dad.
You think that would make sense?
Yes. And he can go live on a boat
next to my dad's boat.
Olive, I can't just collect dads
and keep 'em down by the river.
- Well, where would he live then?
- Dr. Evan would live with us.
No. I did the sleeping-over test
and now I've decided.
He can live by the river
and the baby can live with us.
Oh, you've decided?
You don't get to decide
the big things in my life.
I have choices, Olive,
and I don't have to keep making bad ones
because I've made bad ones before.
- [Shep yells]
- [Olive screams]
- [Olive] Daddy!
- [laughs] Classic!
- How have you got the dogs?
- I got them from Ethan.
- Leave them. They're full of plum juice.
- What?
Plums. The wood isn't commercially
available, but it can be used to make
No, Evan. You saw Evan?
Yeah, I had a chat with him.
That is one unhappy mangina.
- [dog barks]
- [Shep] Hey!
[Katherine] Oh, no.
[pants]
[pants and groans]
[groans]
[breathes heavily]
Oh, hey.
- [coughs] Where are you going?
- Home.
Okay. So I'll see you later.
Why? [scoffs] What were you gonna do
when you eventually got pregnant by Shep?
Were you gonna tell me,
or make me think it was mine?
No. I don't know what he told you,
but we didn't have sex.
Then what were you doing with Shep?
[sighs] It's like,
what if Olive needed bone marrow?
B Bone marrow?
Her sibling would need to be a match.
I've been through a lot this week
- with Bev nearly dying.
- Yeah, I was there.
Well
If I died, they would split my kids up
if they had different dads.
So you won't have my kids in case you die
and Olive needs a transplant?
[breathes heavily]
Well, yeah.
Ah, that makes
You're a total psycho, you know that?
- Well
- First, a sperm donor. Now Shep.
I can explain, because
A guy who couldn't pass a piss test
to qualify as a sperm donor?
You don't even respect me enough
to tell me.
I do respect you, but we have one fight
and you're leaving.
Only because you're actively
trying to get pregnant by someone else.
I was being logical.
Show me your chest.
- Evan
- Show me.
[scoffs]
You should've fucked him.
You deserve each other.
And neither of you should be parents.
[sighs]
Ow.
- [Shep chuckles]
- [dog barks]
- Mum! Come on, come on.
- [dog barks]
- [Olive] Bye, Dad.
- [Shep] Bye, sweetie.
The dogs might have the shits tonight
- so I'd give them access to grass.
- How could you do that to me?
Oh.
You mean boyfriend? That done?
Why take something positive from my life?
What is the point
in still trying to hurt me?
Hey, it just came up
and that dude asks a lot of questions.
I respect you in front of your daughter.
- I clean her. I feed her.
- Fucking lettuce.
So why?
Listen. Project Betrayal was your idea.
I felt I had a responsibility
to let the dude know, man to man.
You don't feel responsibility.
You're a worm.
Worms are 100% core strength.
And this is on you.
You tried to fuck me behind
your boyfriend's back and now he's gone.
If you had anything worth taking,
I would take it!
But you don't have anything
but us.
You're a loser.
[door slams]
[quiet sniffling]
[sniffling continues]
- [quiet sniffles]
- Mum?
Are you crying?
[Katherine] Yeah, I had a bad dream.
It's okay, Mummy.
Do you want me to sing you a song
to make you forget?
Yeah, I'd love that.
This love I've got for you
Could take me round the world ♪
So show me love
Show me love ♪
Show me life ♪
Baby, show me what it's all about ♪
[breathes deeply]
You're the one that I ever needed ♪
Show me love and what it's all about ♪
All right ♪
[piano music begins]
Show me love
Show me love ♪
Show me life ♪
Baby, show me what it's all about ♪
You're the one that I ever needed ♪
Show me love and what it's all about ♪
Don't waste this love
I wanna give it to you ♪