The Ex List s01e03 Episode Script
Protect and Serve
How did you not see me spray that guy? Because I was out there surfing,not just watching you.
That's what you were doing? As opposed to yousitting here on the sand watching your girlfriend read.
Bikini and eyeglasses,man.
That's all I'm saying.
You totally saw me,Cyrus.
Why are you all in love with yourself? What if you French-kiss that guy in the seventh gradeand now you just pissed off "the one.
"The one wouldn't drop in on me like that.
Heads up.
I think those punksare looking to roll us for some milk money.
Hello,Dylan.
Hello,Jack.
-Hi,Miss Piatt.
-Hi,Miss Piatt.
I'm guessing you've finished your papers on Joseph Stalin.
What? Yeah,those kids are ruined.
Poor students.
World War II is gonna be one big masturbatory blur.
That's not true.
Sweetie,you're a hot teacher.
To 150 pounds of puberty,your class is a Van Halen video.
So,you guys want to get goingor you want to stay here while Bella scans the shoreline for exes? Cat,you are a guest.
Guests do not pee on my basil Or cut my screen.
And take my iPod.
Oh,man! You guys have an apartmentfull of electronics, and someone does a slash-and-grab here.
They actually stole my face scrub.
Like the street value on that is so high.
I'm surprised Rufushere didn't try to scare them off.
By running over with a squeaky toy and wagging his tail? You're lucky you're cute,dog.
I blame the psychic.
When something like this is coming up,she should call you.
Knock,knock.
Somebody call about a robbery? Ronny? Helton? Are you freaking kidding me? Hello,Bloom.
Come on,Bloom.
What if Guy Riccarditried to get to second base with me? -Or third? -Third? Sophmore Year-Ronnie Helton You'd slap him in the face.
But what would you do? First,I'd light that stupid boat of his on fire.
Then I'd kick his ass.
I'd probably beat his up brother,too.
Dad,what are you doing here? What am I doing here? I want you in the car.
I don't know.
I was always taughtto stay out of the cars of strangers.
Listen,you littledirtbag Dad!Leave him alone! He isn't a dirtbag.
He's gonna build desert race carsand we're moving to Barstow.
I love him.
Bella.
In.
The car.
Call me tomorrow,Ronny.
Don't bother.
She's going to her grandmother'sfor the summer.
What do you want me to do,cry about it? See ya,Bloom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
I love you,Ronny.
Call me! You're seriously a cop? No,I'm trick or treating.
So? There was a robbery? Yeah,um I came back from surfingand,um,I found all this.
They cut through the screen.
One of you guys the boyfriend? No.
what? No I don't have a boyfriend.
Right now.
What about an ex? Those she has.
You guys can go.
Thanks.
-I'm good.
-No,you guys can go.
Thanks.
Any one ex in particular might be a little disgruntled, might want to steal his iPod back? I don't really date thieves.
Any disgruntled neighbors? Well,the landlord raised the rent a hundred bucks a month,so,yeah.
But none them are mad at me.
So,what'd they take? My iPod,a watch that my dad gave me um,some facial scrub -I'm not married.
-What? You just checked my left hand for a ring.
No,I didn't.
You just checkedmy left hand for a ring.
I'm not a ring finger checker.
Well,you were four seconds ago.
I'm checking to make sureyou were writing everything down.
iPod,watch,facial scrub.
Good.
So,what else? Two bottles of wine.
So,iPod,watch,facial scrub and wine.
Well,it's not like they asked meto put all my cool stuff in a pile.
They reached through the kitchen window.
Just checking the facts here,Bloom.
So,you going to age at allor you just going to look 16 forever? Ah,it's the wife.
I got to get going.
Officer Landis will finish up here.
I thoughtyou weren't married.
The wife is what we callthe captain.
Cop humor.
If there's another problem,let me know.
It's good to see you,Bloom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
-You have to marry within the year -What? or you'll spend the rest of your life alone.
When am I gonna meet him? You already have.
You had a romantic relationship with him.
Do you have any idea how many men I've dated? I've kissed a few frogs.
Proudly Presents The.
Ex.
List Season 1 Episode 03 So,wait,the bad kid in your school grew up and became a cop? I can't even process that.
Seriously,you should dig your hooks into this guy.
He sounds like a real trailblazer.
Ronny Helton being a cop is unfathomable.
I'm telling you,the minute he walked through that door wearing that uniform, I swear I thought he was goingto bust out a boom box and start stripping.
And there's the nameof my new stripper business: Protect and Swerve.
So this is your rent money-making plan.
Male strippers.
Oh,man,he still wrecks me.
I can't believe he didn't ask me out.
He was all business,and then he'd sneak in a lineof flirting.
It'd take me,like,five seconds to register.
What is that? Boring.
You know,the sooner I find the right ex, the sooner you don't have to hear about this anymore, so get going with the insight.
Okay,tell him about the psychic.
You know how cops love crazy.
Is that a cupcake or a muffin? Cupcake.
Sweet.
Potentially the new logo for Cathy's Cupcake Counter.
Why don't we just keep talking about your love life? 'Cause this doesn't suck enough.
You really see yourself winding up with a cop? Now I do.
One minute.
Okay? Ike.
Hey,hey,hey,Ike.
How you doing? Hey,cutie,what's up? Can you clear out the parking lot?I have a delivery.
What? Can you clear out the lot? I have a delivery.
Yeah,give me about 20 minutes.
See,the tru's out there waiting,and this is my parking lot.
I just got a shipment in.
I got to move some stuff around.
You're gettingthat your shipment is in my lot,right? Give me ten minutes,cutie.
Ten minutes.
BELLA: Hey,hey! Hold up! Come on! Biker Ike is starting to drive me insane.
What happened to him being scraggly and sweetand overaccommodating? Yeah,that sucks.
So tell me about Ronny.
How did he look? Like he did in high school, but taller and hotterwith bigger muscles and more magnetism.
I loved when you dated him.
That was my golden periodof being good daughter.
I got three "D"s on my report cardand Daddy bought me jeans.
He bought you jeans? Yeah,and he took me and Kara Tanner to an Amy Grant concert.
So when are you going to call him? JIMMY: Hey,girls.
Hi,Dad.
Bella got robbed.
-Guess who was the cop.
-Are you kidding? You got robbed? Are you okay,Belly? -It's not a big deal.
-She's fine.
Seriously,guess who was the cop.
They didn't evenget inside.
It was they cut through the screen.
What'd I tell you about keeping the windows open? Ronny Helton.
Remember the hooligan you hated,hated,hated? Isn't that hilarious? He was the copor he was the one who broke in? He was the cop,Dad.
Don't you need to read and write for that? Really?16 years later? Talk to me in 16 more.
I'll feel the same.
It slipped out.
It was an accident.
Seriously,you should call Ronny immediately.
You think? I'm not getting that my happinessis your endgame right now.
We can both be happy.
I'm not calling him yet.
I don't want to seem desperate.
I have a plan.
Bella,can you try to look casual,please? I can't believe I'm doing this.
I'm a grown woman,walking the streets,scoping out cop spots, hoping to accidentally-on-purposebump into a guy I dated 16 years ago.
Because a fortune - teller told youyou're destined to marry an ex.
-Stop being so hard on yourself.
-I feel like I'm 13 years old right now.
I should be wearing Candies and a tube top.
Yeah,I told you to go home and change.
Okay,all right.
Look.
He's not there.
All right,lunch hour's almost over.
Let's keep moving.
How is it you're so in on the cop hangouts,by the way? I might have accidentally driven on a suspended licensefor, like,a year and had to avoid them.
Oh,oh,wait,do -no,don't look.
-I'm not.
Don't look -I can't believe you just did that.
-What? You just ruinedyou just looked right at him.
It's cool.
We're fine.
We're just here for sausage.
Bloom.
What? Hey.
Ronny.
-This is so weird.
-Yeah.
I haven't seen you here before.
I haven't seenyou here before.
We come here all the time.
My sister is a big sausage fan.
So,you guys all worktogether,huh? That's cool.
Glad to see you're pounding the streets for my stuff.
We got a lead on the scrub and the wine.
Got our best man on it.
You're not the best man? Depends who you ask.
Is that La Rue? -I'll call it in.
-Don't bother.
Is it wrong that watching Ronny kick someone's assis like porn to me? No! I saw him do that to Andy Flanaganin the IHOP parking lot.
This time's better.
Daph,what are you doing? Hi.
My sister really likes your partner.
I thinkyour next move should be the prank phone call.
You know,play your favorite song,hang up Thanks.
Glad you're enjoying this.
Relax,Bella.
He's going to call.
He's just doing the guy thing.
The longer he waits,the hotter he gets.
Please.
By tomorrow night,he's going to be Steve McQueen.
Should I point out that you called me five minutesafter I gave you my number? You just did,my love.
How's it going? Your students reallysuck at fake-playing volleyball.
Why do they have to play here? 'Cause it's,like,20 away from their hot history teacher in a bikini.
It's my day off.
The only adolescents I should haveto deal with are you guys.
Hello.
RONNY: I was going to try and meet up at your locker between classes, but I thought this might be quicker.
Who is this? Officer Ronny Helton.
I happen to be in your neighborhood.
I feel so safe.
I thought I might swing by and take you out for a bite.
I hear you like sausage.
Great.
See you in a few.
In the neighborhood and in my courtyardare two very different Hey,Belly.
I want to put in a new lock.
Only take a minute.
be you should do this later.
Like,when the sun goes down and it's not so hot.
I'm fine.
What are you worried about? Hey,Cyrus.
This is my Pavlovian responseto seeing you with a tool box.
I've trained you well.
You know,you guys ought to thinkabout changing the locks next door,too.
This is the best one out there.
You'd needa stick of dynamite to crack it.
It ain't cheap though.
Between the lock and the alarm, I betthe salesmen in this place make a killing.
-You think so? -People spend money on safety.
At least,their fathers do.
Really? RONNY: Bella? Police Officer Ronny Helton.
You remember my dad? Mr.
Bloom.
A new lock.
That's good.
Gotta look out for my little girl.
So,Ronny's a police officer.
I got that.
Shoot anybody yet? Only people that deserve it.
Damn.
I got to take this,Bella.
Good seeing youagain,Ronny.
Good seeing you,Mr.
Bloom.
-Dad? -What? Said he had to go.
High school was 17 years ago.
You don't think maybe it's possible he's changed? No.
Guys like that never change.
These locks are shot.
I'm gonna have to replace them,too.
-Great.
In the meantime,I would feel better staying hereuntil it's done.
I'll sleep on the couch.
Hello? Nothing like a little late-night baba ghanoushto make a girl feel sexy.
Well,you look beautiful.
Thanks.
And thanks for finding my watch.
Luckily,I know where the scumbagssell their stolen goods.
Most of the merchantsare old high school friends of mine.
See,all those years of hanging outwith soccer players and the band got me nothing.
This neighborhood used to be pretty nice,but now it's Hey,this is my stomping ground.
I stomp here.
Yeah.
See that day care center,Little Sea Sprites? They make book in the back.
And the owner of that pizza jointspecializes in counterfeit green cards.
And delicious garlic knots.
Yeah,there's all kinds of hustlersaround here these days.
What about this place? Readings by Marina.
A psychic? More like a con artist.
She sells knockoffs.
Purses,briefcases,shoes.
No telling how many people she's scammed.
What? You didn't buy anything there,did you? Me?No.
Feeling nostalgic,Bloom? You've taken me to our make-out spot.
Romantic and presumptuous.
Very Ronny Helton.
: Okay,folks,we're not writing up any tickets, but let's stop steaming up windows and get home.
I know I was a bad kid.
Not bad.
Badass.
Right,yeah.
It's funny now how typical it was.
Parents get divorced.
Kid acts like a punk.
Not a total punk.
You sure about that? Well,you definitely weren't typical.
That's what I like about you,Bloom.
You always made me feel like I wasn't.
Pretty much exactly the way you made me feel.
-Everything okay? -It's fine.
Maybe you should answer it.
Hello? Yes,uh,no,I'm fine.
Yeah,I understand that you're concerned.
No,I'm not drunk.
I don't know no,I'm notcoming home right now,and and I'll see you in the morning.
Okay? He's a good man,that Jimmy Bloom.
He sure is.
Ah,crap.
Sorry.
I'm kind of still on duty.
Like now? Yeah.
Oh,I'mI I didn't know.
If you're free tomorrow,maybe we can have a real date.
So,great kisser,good kisser,or "what is he doing with his tongue" kisser? Great.
Was Dad up when you got home? I thought he was gonna smell my breath for alcohol.
Okay,I get a psychic not having a machine, but then,they should know when you're gonna call,right? Dude,what's wrong? Ronny told me Marinais a con artist.
She sells knockoff purses.
So? So,I wouldn't even be dating himif she hadn't told me to reconnect with my exes.
But you like Ronny,right? Yeah,I do,but I'm notinto taking love advice from a knockoff purse fence.
But you said Marina's been right a bunch of times.
Con artists usually are.
In the beginning,anyway.
Hey,don't overthink this,okay? Either Ronny's cooland a great kisser or he's not.
Driving home last night,he turned the siren on and went really fast.
It was kind of hot.
Very hot.
Did you join a softball team or something? JK Security-- we make you feel better about being alone.
I'm selling alarm systems.
What?You?Why? I feel it's my moral dutyto inform our neighbors about Bella's horrific break-in and give them the opportunity to buy an alarm systemfor $900, of which I receive $200.
Off to make some money.
The world is full of scammers.
Hey, there.
Uh, I'm I'm not really interested.
Not interested in safety?In clarity of mind? Clarity of what? Are you aware that two days ago,there was a violent home invasionbarely 20 yards from here? - Here? - She came home from a morning surf, opened her door and was attackedby three vicious assailants.
Tied up, held at gunpoint.
If she had a security system,this tragedy never would have happened.
I know this neighborhood seems idyllic,but, um, it's a jungle out here.
Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Can I help you? Your - your door was open.
- Which is an invitation to snoop? No, no, it wasit was unlocked in this neighborhood.
I know all the right people.
Nobody steals from me.
Right people?Like who? The mayor.
You're tense, even for you.
I've been tryingto get a hold of you.
You should be on call like a doctor.
I wish I was like a doctor, too.
I would hang my diploma on the wall and make more money.
You should hang something on the wall.
Like a like a business license or a psychic degree,a certificate of accurate love prophesies.
Yes, yes.
It would clash with my decor.
What were you looking for? You.
I need a reading.
Not today.
Call for an appointment.
- Why not today? - Everything is fuzzy.
- Fuzzy? - Yes, fuzzy.
You know how sometimes in baseballpitchers-- they don't have their stuff? Well, right now I don't have my stuff.
It's no biggie.
I'm not a big baseball fan.
My psychic ability comes and goes.
- Right now it's weak.
- Really? Your concern for me is touching,but don't worry, it always comes back.
What's the big emergency? I'm dating an ex and I like him.
- This is a problem.
- My father can't stand him.
Is it possible that the "one"could be someone my father hates? And the answer is in that box? - If I try, will you leave? - Yes.
- I see a wave.
- A wave? We live on the beach.
There's waves everywhere.
- That's what I saw.
- Was I riding it?Did I fall? Relax.
You weren't on it.
It was in the city.
Well, a tsunami is relaxing.
I saw a wave in the city.
And your friend is involved too--the ex.
But like I said, I'm hungry and fuzzy.
Please go.
In 1940, the tripartite pacts between Japan, Italy and Germanyformalized its Axis powers partnership as a warningto the United States to remain neutral in World War II.
Or be involved in the waron two fronts.
They recognized each other's sphere of interest.
Excuse me? Nothing.
I just, um Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah.
Inappropriate behavior? "I would like to report that Ms.
Piatt has been engaging " It is appalling and needs to be stopped.
"That's preposterous.
- So there's no truth to this? - None.
Except for the part about wearing a bikini,and I have seen some students on the beach.
But I certainly didn't flirt with them.
While wearing a revealing bikini? What are you suggesting? I'm simply trying to gather the facts, Vivian.
As you might imagine in today's climatethe mere suggestion of improprietyneeds to be investigated.
Well, I can't control what other people suggest.
But if you are suggesting that I shouldn't wear a bikinito my beach on my days off, then I think we have a problem.
As I said,I am simply trying to gather the facts.
Who wrote the note? It was signed, "A male student in Ms.
Piatt's class.
"So a male student wrote you a notecomplaining that I was wearing a revealing bikini? Does that sound right to you? You dudes feel like making the easiest 50 bucks of your lives? Wow, wine.
A wonderful California Pinotfrom the Russian River Valley.
I didn't realize you two were so sophisticated.
I guess the baby pool threw me off.
Big date with the fuzz? - He's taking me to a party.
- A cop party? Like lawn chairs, beer guts, people talking about pensions? There's nothing wrong with the simple life of a public servant.
- Of course not.
- It's romantic.
Owning a small slice of the American dream.
A small house manicured,a ridiculously green lawn, a vegetable garden--tomatoes, zucchini, a little mint.
You know, you could have that without the cop part.
I have no commentsince I can no longer connect with the middle class given my recent success.
Have fun with the proletariat.
What's the matter? This stuff's good.
When you work hard, it's nice to share the spoils with your friends.
I got to hand it to you.
I can't believe people actually bought something from you.
I made 400 bucks in an hour today.
I guess you have talents I have never seen.
That, and I paid two degenerates 50 bucks to skulk back and forthin front of houses before I rang the doorbell.
Nothing closes a sale faster than the sight of a homeless guysmoking a joint and sipping a 40.
Cheers to that, bro.
WaitI thought we were going to a barbecue.
We are in Palm Springs.
Are weWe're getting there on that? Yeah, unless you want to bike it.
I'm assuming it's not yours.
No, it's my buddy Dale's.
He's this big hedge fund mucky-muck.
How do you know him? Mutual friends.
I did him a favor once.
That must have been some favor.
What? It's like, I'm worried about my rent going up,and this guy's jetting to barbecues.
Yeah, life's kind of funny that way, huh? But don't worry about that rent thing.
I talked to your landlord the other day.
I told him the place wasn't fire-safe.
What's not safe about it? Nothing.
I just said, you know, maybe now is not the best timeto be raising the rent.
- And he agreed? - 100%.
That's awesome!Thank you.
This is not a service that every taxpayer gets.
Only the cute ones.
Evening, guv'nor.
Are you just getting home?Or you just really like that outfit? Both.
Wow, you're officially a badge bunny.
- Must have been some party.
- Oh, you mean the party in Palm Springs? You drove all the way to Palm Springsjust to eat hot dogs and coleslaw? Drove?No.
We took his friend's turboprop.
- You heard me.
- He's got a friend with a private plane? I know, it's totally bizarre.
I think I love Ronny, too.
You're going to love him even more when you hear this.
He convinced the landlord to somehownot raise the rent.
He found some fire code violations or something.
- Nice.
- So he found code violations and then, what? Justcalled the landlordand said, "Don't raise the rent"? I didn't cross-examine him, Augie.
I just said thanks.
Aw, these idiots are late again.
What idiots? Never do business with homeless drug addicts.
I don't care what anybody says.
This isn't working, you know.
We should try seeing other people.
Hey.
Class started five minutes ago.
You all right, Mila? Uh, hold on a second.
I want to talk to you.
You wrote a note to Mr.
Howe, didn't you? Yes.
I'm sorry.
It's Dylan.
Ever since he saw you at the beach, he's like, in love with you.
Well, uhno, he's not.
He doesn't look at me the way he looks at you.
Well that's his problem.
Don't you think? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
There isn't.
You're a beautiful girl.
And I know whatever he said must have hurt your feelings.
But that doesn't mean you get to lie.
I know.
I'm sorry.
We're on the same team here.
Got to stick together.
Respect the sisterhood.
I guess.
It justdoesn't really feel like we are on the same team.
Well, we are.
You really don't have to help mewith this, Augie.
I don't mind.
I'm gonna say that you asked for my help though.
'Cause I like having something to lord over Bella's head.
Does that work? Think it might have once, like, eight years ago.
Meet this guy Ronny? Yeah.
- Not a fan.
- You see? She thinks it's me.
I'm being too judgmental.
I'm not judgmental.
I'm right.
Well, you know,she doesn't really enjoy that very much,you know, other people being right.
I don't know what her problem is sometimes.
I thinkI made the mistake of telling her that I didn't like him.
- What do you mean? - You know how Bella is.
You tell her to go left,she's going right.
What is that?She's always been like that.
Elementary school, she's trying to decidewhich instrument to play in the band.
I tell her, "Play whatever you want,but maybe not the drums.
"Suddenly, she's little drummer girl.
She can't live without a drum set.
I should've told her I didn't want her to play the clarinet.
No, what you should've told her was that you loved the drums.
What do you think he wants? He said he felt like buying us dinner.
Well, if it's all the same to you,I'm not sitting with my back to the door.
Hey.
Ronny.
Thank you for coming.
- Thanks for having me.
- Anytime, anytime.
Please, sit down.
- Listen - Dad I want to apologize.
I was a little out of line the other day.
Obviously, you turned into a hell ofa good guy and a great cop.
Did you know this guygot a medal of valor? Broke up a gang last year.
I read about it online.
- Thanks, Mr.
Bloom.
- Mr.
Bloom.
Jimmy.
What are you drinking? I'll take a scotch.
RocksJimmy.
Good, man.
I always like a scotch drinker.
excuse me.
Can we get, uh,two scotch on the rocks? I'm fine with water.
Thank you.
So, Ronny,tell me about this gang task force.
Is this something you're assigned to, or do you haveto try and get on it? You're assigned to it, for the most part.
But they don't take anybody, right? They pick guys who do well,guys who they know can handle it.
- Pretty much.
- Please.
You don't have to be modest with me.
I'm only interested in learning about this stuff.
You know, it's something you usuallydon't think about.
We take our police force for granted.
You never think about them unless your houseis robbed, or you see something on the news.
You forget about the hard workthat's always going on 24/7.
You guysare unsung heroes.
Don't you think? and I spend the night sipping scotch at the Hotel Del.
Oh, man.
That reminds me of one time I was in the Navy.
Can I get another tequila, please? Respect, please?Your dad is a veteran.
I respect it.
Just a few too many Navy stories in one night.
That's cool with me.
I love a good Navy story.
Oh, the Chargers signed that free-agent linebacker.
You a football fan, Jimmy? 'Cause I can get great Chargers seats.
We should go.
- I would love that.
- Yeah.
You would? - You, you,you'd go to a game? - Sure, why not? Because you haven't been to a game in 20 years.
What can I say?I'm overdue.
Or overdoing it.
Look, Bella, if your dad doesn't want to go His best friend, Oscar,invites him to every home game-- every single one--and he always says no, he has to watch from homebecause he can see the field betterand he hates the postgame parking lot.
I have great seats.
Bet you have preferred parking too? That's not the point, is it, Dad? Look, Bella, I'm only trying to I know what you're trying to do.
I'm not 12.
- We should go.
- What? - Let's go.
- You sure you're not 12? Storming out in a huffseems a little pre-teen to me.
- This isn't a huff.
- Is it a snit? It's disappointment.
Thanks for dinner, Mr.
Bloom.
Looks like a huff to me! Dude! You were supposed to report to work at 10:00.
I was supposed to do a lot of things in my life.
All right, let's go.
Let's get to work, pronto! Not in the mood.
"Not in the mood"?What do you mean "not in the mood"? All right, give me my hundred dollars back, dude.
Where the hell'd you get that bike? Bike shop.
- No.
- Yes, I did.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, no.
- Yes.
No!You stole that from my apartment.
I want it back right now.
How much? Maybe I'll call the cops and find out the going rate? Go for it.
Just make sure to tell our fine men in bluethat you paid Randy and meto stand out in front of the apartmentsand scare people.
All right, tough guy.
Here you go.
Here you go.
$20? I'm thinking $300.
It's my bike! A hundred beautiful, vibrant Oriental lilies ruinedbecause they were stuck outside, melting in the sun.
Just give me the invoice and I'll take care of it, I promise.
I don't understand how you think it's okayto have a dozen choppers blocking my back door.
It won't happen again, kiddo,my hand to God.
You said that last time.
I'm doing the best I can here, sweetie, okay? Motorcycle guy? I would like to buy some flowers.
Did you get lucky or something last night? I might have if your father hadn't have gone crazy.
I know, I'm sorry.
I just I get it.
I wouldn't want my daughter dating meif I knew me when I was in high school.
I think I follow that.
Ah, these guys just don't quit, do they? It's fine.
Made a reservation at Luke's tonight.
- How'd you get a table? - I know somebody.
Here you go, chief.
Soon that won't be a problem.
The mayor wants to clean up this neighborhood.
It's election year.
No more riffraff, no more scammers.
If you're not up to code, you' out of business.
No exceptions.
We're gonna sweep across the citylike a big, blue wave.
Purses are for my friends in Armenia.
No Prada there.
It's legal.
- That's not why I'm here.
- Really? No, I-I could care less.
The other day, maybe, but not now.
- Reading? - Compliance.
We need to make sure you're up to code.
Otherwise, you're out of business; the police are cracking down.
Don't you need, like, a license on the wall or something? Yes, I also need an earthquake kit and to floss more.
You really don't know everything, do you? The wave!The wave you saw.
That's what Ronny called the police sweep that's coming.
Like I told you, I'm a little fuzzy.
I should get a refund.
That one was really for you.
- I don't remember you paying.
- Okay, whatever, but I'm here now to help you.
- How noble.
You're so giving.
- Fine.
You're awesome and I need you.
Now, what do we do to make sure you don't get shut down? It's not that difficult.
Relax.
There, up to code.
Feel better? That's all you have to do? I keep it in drawer most of the time; bad for business.
People like to believe.
Okay, this is more thanjust "for entertainment purposes," right? It's real for you.
- Entertaining for me.
- There you go.
Win-win.
- Okay, can I get a - Still fuzzy.
Okay.
Hey, Ike.
Are you okay? - What happened? - Ask your boyfriend.
Am I early or something? Did you, um, did you talk to my neighbor Ike at all today? Ike? - The guy with the motorcycle shop.
- Oh, Ike.
Yeah, the neighbor who drives you crazy.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did see him.
- And? - We had a little chat.
About the parking thing.
My guess is, I don't think there'll be any more problems.
- Did you beat up my neighbor? - No, of course not.
I gave him a quick shot, bam, that was it.
You can't just beat up my neighbor!This isn't high school.
- You're offended? - I'm horrified! So it's okay to talk to your landlord, but not your neighbor? You didn't beat up Mr.
Rose.
I wonder what kind of favoryou did for your buddy, Mr.
Private Plane.
I don't think we should have dinner tonightor, or any night.
Not a problem, Bloom.
Hit "set.
" Then the number.
Then "enter.
"And what if it takes me longer than 20 seconds to get out? Security is coming,and I called for an armed response.
Great.
So how did you know that Ronny was still - A jackass? - Yeah.
Well, I'd like to say it was fatherly intuition, but But what? Remember when I picked you upin that parking lot that night? You know what I saw? Um, my Bel Biv Devoe pin? I saw a punk who didn't give a crap about you.
And any kid that stupid he ain't never gonna wise up.
So, heyI made copies of your new keys.
Wait.
You keep one.
What's with the parka? Aren't you hot? I'm fine.
Why don't you just take this off? 'Cause I don't feel like it.
So this has nothing to do with your principal? Trust me.
It's not about him.
I need Ronny's number.
- Why? - This punk stole my bike.
Sorry, dude,Ronny and I are no longer in touch.
Awesome.
You finally have an exthat's useful to me, and you dump him? Gee, Cyrus, that's too bad.
Had I known your bike were about to get stolen I still would have dumped him.
Well, just give me the number.
Justwhy not? Fine, you're not dating.
Proudly Presents
That's what you were doing? As opposed to yousitting here on the sand watching your girlfriend read.
Bikini and eyeglasses,man.
That's all I'm saying.
You totally saw me,Cyrus.
Why are you all in love with yourself? What if you French-kiss that guy in the seventh gradeand now you just pissed off "the one.
"The one wouldn't drop in on me like that.
Heads up.
I think those punksare looking to roll us for some milk money.
Hello,Dylan.
Hello,Jack.
-Hi,Miss Piatt.
-Hi,Miss Piatt.
I'm guessing you've finished your papers on Joseph Stalin.
What? Yeah,those kids are ruined.
Poor students.
World War II is gonna be one big masturbatory blur.
That's not true.
Sweetie,you're a hot teacher.
To 150 pounds of puberty,your class is a Van Halen video.
So,you guys want to get goingor you want to stay here while Bella scans the shoreline for exes? Cat,you are a guest.
Guests do not pee on my basil Or cut my screen.
And take my iPod.
Oh,man! You guys have an apartmentfull of electronics, and someone does a slash-and-grab here.
They actually stole my face scrub.
Like the street value on that is so high.
I'm surprised Rufushere didn't try to scare them off.
By running over with a squeaky toy and wagging his tail? You're lucky you're cute,dog.
I blame the psychic.
When something like this is coming up,she should call you.
Knock,knock.
Somebody call about a robbery? Ronny? Helton? Are you freaking kidding me? Hello,Bloom.
Come on,Bloom.
What if Guy Riccarditried to get to second base with me? -Or third? -Third? Sophmore Year-Ronnie Helton You'd slap him in the face.
But what would you do? First,I'd light that stupid boat of his on fire.
Then I'd kick his ass.
I'd probably beat his up brother,too.
Dad,what are you doing here? What am I doing here? I want you in the car.
I don't know.
I was always taughtto stay out of the cars of strangers.
Listen,you littledirtbag Dad!Leave him alone! He isn't a dirtbag.
He's gonna build desert race carsand we're moving to Barstow.
I love him.
Bella.
In.
The car.
Call me tomorrow,Ronny.
Don't bother.
She's going to her grandmother'sfor the summer.
What do you want me to do,cry about it? See ya,Bloom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
I love you,Ronny.
Call me! You're seriously a cop? No,I'm trick or treating.
So? There was a robbery? Yeah,um I came back from surfingand,um,I found all this.
They cut through the screen.
One of you guys the boyfriend? No.
what? No I don't have a boyfriend.
Right now.
What about an ex? Those she has.
You guys can go.
Thanks.
-I'm good.
-No,you guys can go.
Thanks.
Any one ex in particular might be a little disgruntled, might want to steal his iPod back? I don't really date thieves.
Any disgruntled neighbors? Well,the landlord raised the rent a hundred bucks a month,so,yeah.
But none them are mad at me.
So,what'd they take? My iPod,a watch that my dad gave me um,some facial scrub -I'm not married.
-What? You just checked my left hand for a ring.
No,I didn't.
You just checkedmy left hand for a ring.
I'm not a ring finger checker.
Well,you were four seconds ago.
I'm checking to make sureyou were writing everything down.
iPod,watch,facial scrub.
Good.
So,what else? Two bottles of wine.
So,iPod,watch,facial scrub and wine.
Well,it's not like they asked meto put all my cool stuff in a pile.
They reached through the kitchen window.
Just checking the facts here,Bloom.
So,you going to age at allor you just going to look 16 forever? Ah,it's the wife.
I got to get going.
Officer Landis will finish up here.
I thoughtyou weren't married.
The wife is what we callthe captain.
Cop humor.
If there's another problem,let me know.
It's good to see you,Bloom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
-You have to marry within the year -What? or you'll spend the rest of your life alone.
When am I gonna meet him? You already have.
You had a romantic relationship with him.
Do you have any idea how many men I've dated? I've kissed a few frogs.
Proudly Presents The.
Ex.
List Season 1 Episode 03 So,wait,the bad kid in your school grew up and became a cop? I can't even process that.
Seriously,you should dig your hooks into this guy.
He sounds like a real trailblazer.
Ronny Helton being a cop is unfathomable.
I'm telling you,the minute he walked through that door wearing that uniform, I swear I thought he was goingto bust out a boom box and start stripping.
And there's the nameof my new stripper business: Protect and Swerve.
So this is your rent money-making plan.
Male strippers.
Oh,man,he still wrecks me.
I can't believe he didn't ask me out.
He was all business,and then he'd sneak in a lineof flirting.
It'd take me,like,five seconds to register.
What is that? Boring.
You know,the sooner I find the right ex, the sooner you don't have to hear about this anymore, so get going with the insight.
Okay,tell him about the psychic.
You know how cops love crazy.
Is that a cupcake or a muffin? Cupcake.
Sweet.
Potentially the new logo for Cathy's Cupcake Counter.
Why don't we just keep talking about your love life? 'Cause this doesn't suck enough.
You really see yourself winding up with a cop? Now I do.
One minute.
Okay? Ike.
Hey,hey,hey,Ike.
How you doing? Hey,cutie,what's up? Can you clear out the parking lot?I have a delivery.
What? Can you clear out the lot? I have a delivery.
Yeah,give me about 20 minutes.
See,the tru's out there waiting,and this is my parking lot.
I just got a shipment in.
I got to move some stuff around.
You're gettingthat your shipment is in my lot,right? Give me ten minutes,cutie.
Ten minutes.
BELLA: Hey,hey! Hold up! Come on! Biker Ike is starting to drive me insane.
What happened to him being scraggly and sweetand overaccommodating? Yeah,that sucks.
So tell me about Ronny.
How did he look? Like he did in high school, but taller and hotterwith bigger muscles and more magnetism.
I loved when you dated him.
That was my golden periodof being good daughter.
I got three "D"s on my report cardand Daddy bought me jeans.
He bought you jeans? Yeah,and he took me and Kara Tanner to an Amy Grant concert.
So when are you going to call him? JIMMY: Hey,girls.
Hi,Dad.
Bella got robbed.
-Guess who was the cop.
-Are you kidding? You got robbed? Are you okay,Belly? -It's not a big deal.
-She's fine.
Seriously,guess who was the cop.
They didn't evenget inside.
It was they cut through the screen.
What'd I tell you about keeping the windows open? Ronny Helton.
Remember the hooligan you hated,hated,hated? Isn't that hilarious? He was the copor he was the one who broke in? He was the cop,Dad.
Don't you need to read and write for that? Really?16 years later? Talk to me in 16 more.
I'll feel the same.
It slipped out.
It was an accident.
Seriously,you should call Ronny immediately.
You think? I'm not getting that my happinessis your endgame right now.
We can both be happy.
I'm not calling him yet.
I don't want to seem desperate.
I have a plan.
Bella,can you try to look casual,please? I can't believe I'm doing this.
I'm a grown woman,walking the streets,scoping out cop spots, hoping to accidentally-on-purposebump into a guy I dated 16 years ago.
Because a fortune - teller told youyou're destined to marry an ex.
-Stop being so hard on yourself.
-I feel like I'm 13 years old right now.
I should be wearing Candies and a tube top.
Yeah,I told you to go home and change.
Okay,all right.
Look.
He's not there.
All right,lunch hour's almost over.
Let's keep moving.
How is it you're so in on the cop hangouts,by the way? I might have accidentally driven on a suspended licensefor, like,a year and had to avoid them.
Oh,oh,wait,do -no,don't look.
-I'm not.
Don't look -I can't believe you just did that.
-What? You just ruinedyou just looked right at him.
It's cool.
We're fine.
We're just here for sausage.
Bloom.
What? Hey.
Ronny.
-This is so weird.
-Yeah.
I haven't seen you here before.
I haven't seenyou here before.
We come here all the time.
My sister is a big sausage fan.
So,you guys all worktogether,huh? That's cool.
Glad to see you're pounding the streets for my stuff.
We got a lead on the scrub and the wine.
Got our best man on it.
You're not the best man? Depends who you ask.
Is that La Rue? -I'll call it in.
-Don't bother.
Is it wrong that watching Ronny kick someone's assis like porn to me? No! I saw him do that to Andy Flanaganin the IHOP parking lot.
This time's better.
Daph,what are you doing? Hi.
My sister really likes your partner.
I thinkyour next move should be the prank phone call.
You know,play your favorite song,hang up Thanks.
Glad you're enjoying this.
Relax,Bella.
He's going to call.
He's just doing the guy thing.
The longer he waits,the hotter he gets.
Please.
By tomorrow night,he's going to be Steve McQueen.
Should I point out that you called me five minutesafter I gave you my number? You just did,my love.
How's it going? Your students reallysuck at fake-playing volleyball.
Why do they have to play here? 'Cause it's,like,20 away from their hot history teacher in a bikini.
It's my day off.
The only adolescents I should haveto deal with are you guys.
Hello.
RONNY: I was going to try and meet up at your locker between classes, but I thought this might be quicker.
Who is this? Officer Ronny Helton.
I happen to be in your neighborhood.
I feel so safe.
I thought I might swing by and take you out for a bite.
I hear you like sausage.
Great.
See you in a few.
In the neighborhood and in my courtyardare two very different Hey,Belly.
I want to put in a new lock.
Only take a minute.
be you should do this later.
Like,when the sun goes down and it's not so hot.
I'm fine.
What are you worried about? Hey,Cyrus.
This is my Pavlovian responseto seeing you with a tool box.
I've trained you well.
You know,you guys ought to thinkabout changing the locks next door,too.
This is the best one out there.
You'd needa stick of dynamite to crack it.
It ain't cheap though.
Between the lock and the alarm, I betthe salesmen in this place make a killing.
-You think so? -People spend money on safety.
At least,their fathers do.
Really? RONNY: Bella? Police Officer Ronny Helton.
You remember my dad? Mr.
Bloom.
A new lock.
That's good.
Gotta look out for my little girl.
So,Ronny's a police officer.
I got that.
Shoot anybody yet? Only people that deserve it.
Damn.
I got to take this,Bella.
Good seeing youagain,Ronny.
Good seeing you,Mr.
Bloom.
-Dad? -What? Said he had to go.
High school was 17 years ago.
You don't think maybe it's possible he's changed? No.
Guys like that never change.
These locks are shot.
I'm gonna have to replace them,too.
-Great.
In the meantime,I would feel better staying hereuntil it's done.
I'll sleep on the couch.
Hello? Nothing like a little late-night baba ghanoushto make a girl feel sexy.
Well,you look beautiful.
Thanks.
And thanks for finding my watch.
Luckily,I know where the scumbagssell their stolen goods.
Most of the merchantsare old high school friends of mine.
See,all those years of hanging outwith soccer players and the band got me nothing.
This neighborhood used to be pretty nice,but now it's Hey,this is my stomping ground.
I stomp here.
Yeah.
See that day care center,Little Sea Sprites? They make book in the back.
And the owner of that pizza jointspecializes in counterfeit green cards.
And delicious garlic knots.
Yeah,there's all kinds of hustlersaround here these days.
What about this place? Readings by Marina.
A psychic? More like a con artist.
She sells knockoffs.
Purses,briefcases,shoes.
No telling how many people she's scammed.
What? You didn't buy anything there,did you? Me?No.
Feeling nostalgic,Bloom? You've taken me to our make-out spot.
Romantic and presumptuous.
Very Ronny Helton.
: Okay,folks,we're not writing up any tickets, but let's stop steaming up windows and get home.
I know I was a bad kid.
Not bad.
Badass.
Right,yeah.
It's funny now how typical it was.
Parents get divorced.
Kid acts like a punk.
Not a total punk.
You sure about that? Well,you definitely weren't typical.
That's what I like about you,Bloom.
You always made me feel like I wasn't.
Pretty much exactly the way you made me feel.
-Everything okay? -It's fine.
Maybe you should answer it.
Hello? Yes,uh,no,I'm fine.
Yeah,I understand that you're concerned.
No,I'm not drunk.
I don't know no,I'm notcoming home right now,and and I'll see you in the morning.
Okay? He's a good man,that Jimmy Bloom.
He sure is.
Ah,crap.
Sorry.
I'm kind of still on duty.
Like now? Yeah.
Oh,I'mI I didn't know.
If you're free tomorrow,maybe we can have a real date.
So,great kisser,good kisser,or "what is he doing with his tongue" kisser? Great.
Was Dad up when you got home? I thought he was gonna smell my breath for alcohol.
Okay,I get a psychic not having a machine, but then,they should know when you're gonna call,right? Dude,what's wrong? Ronny told me Marinais a con artist.
She sells knockoff purses.
So? So,I wouldn't even be dating himif she hadn't told me to reconnect with my exes.
But you like Ronny,right? Yeah,I do,but I'm notinto taking love advice from a knockoff purse fence.
But you said Marina's been right a bunch of times.
Con artists usually are.
In the beginning,anyway.
Hey,don't overthink this,okay? Either Ronny's cooland a great kisser or he's not.
Driving home last night,he turned the siren on and went really fast.
It was kind of hot.
Very hot.
Did you join a softball team or something? JK Security-- we make you feel better about being alone.
I'm selling alarm systems.
What?You?Why? I feel it's my moral dutyto inform our neighbors about Bella's horrific break-in and give them the opportunity to buy an alarm systemfor $900, of which I receive $200.
Off to make some money.
The world is full of scammers.
Hey, there.
Uh, I'm I'm not really interested.
Not interested in safety?In clarity of mind? Clarity of what? Are you aware that two days ago,there was a violent home invasionbarely 20 yards from here? - Here? - She came home from a morning surf, opened her door and was attackedby three vicious assailants.
Tied up, held at gunpoint.
If she had a security system,this tragedy never would have happened.
I know this neighborhood seems idyllic,but, um, it's a jungle out here.
Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Can I help you? Your - your door was open.
- Which is an invitation to snoop? No, no, it wasit was unlocked in this neighborhood.
I know all the right people.
Nobody steals from me.
Right people?Like who? The mayor.
You're tense, even for you.
I've been tryingto get a hold of you.
You should be on call like a doctor.
I wish I was like a doctor, too.
I would hang my diploma on the wall and make more money.
You should hang something on the wall.
Like a like a business license or a psychic degree,a certificate of accurate love prophesies.
Yes, yes.
It would clash with my decor.
What were you looking for? You.
I need a reading.
Not today.
Call for an appointment.
- Why not today? - Everything is fuzzy.
- Fuzzy? - Yes, fuzzy.
You know how sometimes in baseballpitchers-- they don't have their stuff? Well, right now I don't have my stuff.
It's no biggie.
I'm not a big baseball fan.
My psychic ability comes and goes.
- Right now it's weak.
- Really? Your concern for me is touching,but don't worry, it always comes back.
What's the big emergency? I'm dating an ex and I like him.
- This is a problem.
- My father can't stand him.
Is it possible that the "one"could be someone my father hates? And the answer is in that box? - If I try, will you leave? - Yes.
- I see a wave.
- A wave? We live on the beach.
There's waves everywhere.
- That's what I saw.
- Was I riding it?Did I fall? Relax.
You weren't on it.
It was in the city.
Well, a tsunami is relaxing.
I saw a wave in the city.
And your friend is involved too--the ex.
But like I said, I'm hungry and fuzzy.
Please go.
In 1940, the tripartite pacts between Japan, Italy and Germanyformalized its Axis powers partnership as a warningto the United States to remain neutral in World War II.
Or be involved in the waron two fronts.
They recognized each other's sphere of interest.
Excuse me? Nothing.
I just, um Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah.
Inappropriate behavior? "I would like to report that Ms.
Piatt has been engaging " It is appalling and needs to be stopped.
"That's preposterous.
- So there's no truth to this? - None.
Except for the part about wearing a bikini,and I have seen some students on the beach.
But I certainly didn't flirt with them.
While wearing a revealing bikini? What are you suggesting? I'm simply trying to gather the facts, Vivian.
As you might imagine in today's climatethe mere suggestion of improprietyneeds to be investigated.
Well, I can't control what other people suggest.
But if you are suggesting that I shouldn't wear a bikinito my beach on my days off, then I think we have a problem.
As I said,I am simply trying to gather the facts.
Who wrote the note? It was signed, "A male student in Ms.
Piatt's class.
"So a male student wrote you a notecomplaining that I was wearing a revealing bikini? Does that sound right to you? You dudes feel like making the easiest 50 bucks of your lives? Wow, wine.
A wonderful California Pinotfrom the Russian River Valley.
I didn't realize you two were so sophisticated.
I guess the baby pool threw me off.
Big date with the fuzz? - He's taking me to a party.
- A cop party? Like lawn chairs, beer guts, people talking about pensions? There's nothing wrong with the simple life of a public servant.
- Of course not.
- It's romantic.
Owning a small slice of the American dream.
A small house manicured,a ridiculously green lawn, a vegetable garden--tomatoes, zucchini, a little mint.
You know, you could have that without the cop part.
I have no commentsince I can no longer connect with the middle class given my recent success.
Have fun with the proletariat.
What's the matter? This stuff's good.
When you work hard, it's nice to share the spoils with your friends.
I got to hand it to you.
I can't believe people actually bought something from you.
I made 400 bucks in an hour today.
I guess you have talents I have never seen.
That, and I paid two degenerates 50 bucks to skulk back and forthin front of houses before I rang the doorbell.
Nothing closes a sale faster than the sight of a homeless guysmoking a joint and sipping a 40.
Cheers to that, bro.
WaitI thought we were going to a barbecue.
We are in Palm Springs.
Are weWe're getting there on that? Yeah, unless you want to bike it.
I'm assuming it's not yours.
No, it's my buddy Dale's.
He's this big hedge fund mucky-muck.
How do you know him? Mutual friends.
I did him a favor once.
That must have been some favor.
What? It's like, I'm worried about my rent going up,and this guy's jetting to barbecues.
Yeah, life's kind of funny that way, huh? But don't worry about that rent thing.
I talked to your landlord the other day.
I told him the place wasn't fire-safe.
What's not safe about it? Nothing.
I just said, you know, maybe now is not the best timeto be raising the rent.
- And he agreed? - 100%.
That's awesome!Thank you.
This is not a service that every taxpayer gets.
Only the cute ones.
Evening, guv'nor.
Are you just getting home?Or you just really like that outfit? Both.
Wow, you're officially a badge bunny.
- Must have been some party.
- Oh, you mean the party in Palm Springs? You drove all the way to Palm Springsjust to eat hot dogs and coleslaw? Drove?No.
We took his friend's turboprop.
- You heard me.
- He's got a friend with a private plane? I know, it's totally bizarre.
I think I love Ronny, too.
You're going to love him even more when you hear this.
He convinced the landlord to somehownot raise the rent.
He found some fire code violations or something.
- Nice.
- So he found code violations and then, what? Justcalled the landlordand said, "Don't raise the rent"? I didn't cross-examine him, Augie.
I just said thanks.
Aw, these idiots are late again.
What idiots? Never do business with homeless drug addicts.
I don't care what anybody says.
This isn't working, you know.
We should try seeing other people.
Hey.
Class started five minutes ago.
You all right, Mila? Uh, hold on a second.
I want to talk to you.
You wrote a note to Mr.
Howe, didn't you? Yes.
I'm sorry.
It's Dylan.
Ever since he saw you at the beach, he's like, in love with you.
Well, uhno, he's not.
He doesn't look at me the way he looks at you.
Well that's his problem.
Don't you think? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
There isn't.
You're a beautiful girl.
And I know whatever he said must have hurt your feelings.
But that doesn't mean you get to lie.
I know.
I'm sorry.
We're on the same team here.
Got to stick together.
Respect the sisterhood.
I guess.
It justdoesn't really feel like we are on the same team.
Well, we are.
You really don't have to help mewith this, Augie.
I don't mind.
I'm gonna say that you asked for my help though.
'Cause I like having something to lord over Bella's head.
Does that work? Think it might have once, like, eight years ago.
Meet this guy Ronny? Yeah.
- Not a fan.
- You see? She thinks it's me.
I'm being too judgmental.
I'm not judgmental.
I'm right.
Well, you know,she doesn't really enjoy that very much,you know, other people being right.
I don't know what her problem is sometimes.
I thinkI made the mistake of telling her that I didn't like him.
- What do you mean? - You know how Bella is.
You tell her to go left,she's going right.
What is that?She's always been like that.
Elementary school, she's trying to decidewhich instrument to play in the band.
I tell her, "Play whatever you want,but maybe not the drums.
"Suddenly, she's little drummer girl.
She can't live without a drum set.
I should've told her I didn't want her to play the clarinet.
No, what you should've told her was that you loved the drums.
What do you think he wants? He said he felt like buying us dinner.
Well, if it's all the same to you,I'm not sitting with my back to the door.
Hey.
Ronny.
Thank you for coming.
- Thanks for having me.
- Anytime, anytime.
Please, sit down.
- Listen - Dad I want to apologize.
I was a little out of line the other day.
Obviously, you turned into a hell ofa good guy and a great cop.
Did you know this guygot a medal of valor? Broke up a gang last year.
I read about it online.
- Thanks, Mr.
Bloom.
- Mr.
Bloom.
Jimmy.
What are you drinking? I'll take a scotch.
RocksJimmy.
Good, man.
I always like a scotch drinker.
excuse me.
Can we get, uh,two scotch on the rocks? I'm fine with water.
Thank you.
So, Ronny,tell me about this gang task force.
Is this something you're assigned to, or do you haveto try and get on it? You're assigned to it, for the most part.
But they don't take anybody, right? They pick guys who do well,guys who they know can handle it.
- Pretty much.
- Please.
You don't have to be modest with me.
I'm only interested in learning about this stuff.
You know, it's something you usuallydon't think about.
We take our police force for granted.
You never think about them unless your houseis robbed, or you see something on the news.
You forget about the hard workthat's always going on 24/7.
You guysare unsung heroes.
Don't you think? and I spend the night sipping scotch at the Hotel Del.
Oh, man.
That reminds me of one time I was in the Navy.
Can I get another tequila, please? Respect, please?Your dad is a veteran.
I respect it.
Just a few too many Navy stories in one night.
That's cool with me.
I love a good Navy story.
Oh, the Chargers signed that free-agent linebacker.
You a football fan, Jimmy? 'Cause I can get great Chargers seats.
We should go.
- I would love that.
- Yeah.
You would? - You, you,you'd go to a game? - Sure, why not? Because you haven't been to a game in 20 years.
What can I say?I'm overdue.
Or overdoing it.
Look, Bella, if your dad doesn't want to go His best friend, Oscar,invites him to every home game-- every single one--and he always says no, he has to watch from homebecause he can see the field betterand he hates the postgame parking lot.
I have great seats.
Bet you have preferred parking too? That's not the point, is it, Dad? Look, Bella, I'm only trying to I know what you're trying to do.
I'm not 12.
- We should go.
- What? - Let's go.
- You sure you're not 12? Storming out in a huffseems a little pre-teen to me.
- This isn't a huff.
- Is it a snit? It's disappointment.
Thanks for dinner, Mr.
Bloom.
Looks like a huff to me! Dude! You were supposed to report to work at 10:00.
I was supposed to do a lot of things in my life.
All right, let's go.
Let's get to work, pronto! Not in the mood.
"Not in the mood"?What do you mean "not in the mood"? All right, give me my hundred dollars back, dude.
Where the hell'd you get that bike? Bike shop.
- No.
- Yes, I did.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, no.
- Yes.
No!You stole that from my apartment.
I want it back right now.
How much? Maybe I'll call the cops and find out the going rate? Go for it.
Just make sure to tell our fine men in bluethat you paid Randy and meto stand out in front of the apartmentsand scare people.
All right, tough guy.
Here you go.
Here you go.
$20? I'm thinking $300.
It's my bike! A hundred beautiful, vibrant Oriental lilies ruinedbecause they were stuck outside, melting in the sun.
Just give me the invoice and I'll take care of it, I promise.
I don't understand how you think it's okayto have a dozen choppers blocking my back door.
It won't happen again, kiddo,my hand to God.
You said that last time.
I'm doing the best I can here, sweetie, okay? Motorcycle guy? I would like to buy some flowers.
Did you get lucky or something last night? I might have if your father hadn't have gone crazy.
I know, I'm sorry.
I just I get it.
I wouldn't want my daughter dating meif I knew me when I was in high school.
I think I follow that.
Ah, these guys just don't quit, do they? It's fine.
Made a reservation at Luke's tonight.
- How'd you get a table? - I know somebody.
Here you go, chief.
Soon that won't be a problem.
The mayor wants to clean up this neighborhood.
It's election year.
No more riffraff, no more scammers.
If you're not up to code, you' out of business.
No exceptions.
We're gonna sweep across the citylike a big, blue wave.
Purses are for my friends in Armenia.
No Prada there.
It's legal.
- That's not why I'm here.
- Really? No, I-I could care less.
The other day, maybe, but not now.
- Reading? - Compliance.
We need to make sure you're up to code.
Otherwise, you're out of business; the police are cracking down.
Don't you need, like, a license on the wall or something? Yes, I also need an earthquake kit and to floss more.
You really don't know everything, do you? The wave!The wave you saw.
That's what Ronny called the police sweep that's coming.
Like I told you, I'm a little fuzzy.
I should get a refund.
That one was really for you.
- I don't remember you paying.
- Okay, whatever, but I'm here now to help you.
- How noble.
You're so giving.
- Fine.
You're awesome and I need you.
Now, what do we do to make sure you don't get shut down? It's not that difficult.
Relax.
There, up to code.
Feel better? That's all you have to do? I keep it in drawer most of the time; bad for business.
People like to believe.
Okay, this is more thanjust "for entertainment purposes," right? It's real for you.
- Entertaining for me.
- There you go.
Win-win.
- Okay, can I get a - Still fuzzy.
Okay.
Hey, Ike.
Are you okay? - What happened? - Ask your boyfriend.
Am I early or something? Did you, um, did you talk to my neighbor Ike at all today? Ike? - The guy with the motorcycle shop.
- Oh, Ike.
Yeah, the neighbor who drives you crazy.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did see him.
- And? - We had a little chat.
About the parking thing.
My guess is, I don't think there'll be any more problems.
- Did you beat up my neighbor? - No, of course not.
I gave him a quick shot, bam, that was it.
You can't just beat up my neighbor!This isn't high school.
- You're offended? - I'm horrified! So it's okay to talk to your landlord, but not your neighbor? You didn't beat up Mr.
Rose.
I wonder what kind of favoryou did for your buddy, Mr.
Private Plane.
I don't think we should have dinner tonightor, or any night.
Not a problem, Bloom.
Hit "set.
" Then the number.
Then "enter.
"And what if it takes me longer than 20 seconds to get out? Security is coming,and I called for an armed response.
Great.
So how did you know that Ronny was still - A jackass? - Yeah.
Well, I'd like to say it was fatherly intuition, but But what? Remember when I picked you upin that parking lot that night? You know what I saw? Um, my Bel Biv Devoe pin? I saw a punk who didn't give a crap about you.
And any kid that stupid he ain't never gonna wise up.
So, heyI made copies of your new keys.
Wait.
You keep one.
What's with the parka? Aren't you hot? I'm fine.
Why don't you just take this off? 'Cause I don't feel like it.
So this has nothing to do with your principal? Trust me.
It's not about him.
I need Ronny's number.
- Why? - This punk stole my bike.
Sorry, dude,Ronny and I are no longer in touch.
Awesome.
You finally have an exthat's useful to me, and you dump him? Gee, Cyrus, that's too bad.
Had I known your bike were about to get stolen I still would have dumped him.
Well, just give me the number.
Justwhy not? Fine, you're not dating.
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