The Family Stallone (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

MTV. ♪
♪
(meowing)
(sighs)
Really?
Now who's gonna brush me?
Dad is now the official
cat brush person.
He's obsessed.
I am so happy to be
in our new home in Palm Beach.
-How beautiful does this feel?
-SOPHIA: I love this place.
It's really fun
when we get to go
to Palm beach
because it's
the whole family together.
JENNIFER:
Sly is home
for the weekend, and today
Scarlet is making
her farewell lunch
before she goes
back to college in Miami.
Yeah!
I'm excited
to go back to college.
Can we make a pact
that you come home
at least once a month?
I doubt I'm gonna be
coming home, ever.
-(meows loudly)
-Oh, boy.
-See, she understands.
-(Jennifer laughs)
No catnip for you.
The distance between the house
and college
is a good hour and a half.
Two hours on a good day.
(bell chimes)
(laughs)
-SCARLET: You leave
tomorrow for set?
-I do.
And I'm a little upset
'cause I'm not gonna be here.
-To move me in?
-To help you move in.
-Yeah.
-That's, like, a big deal.
It's okay. You know
No, it's not okay,
'cause time is precious.
And so is that chicken.
(chuckling)
SISTINE:
Ooh, I got a good idea.
Let's make this
the weirdest place setting.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have a creative vision
for Scarlet's farewell lunch.
And I stuck with it.
Don't go in the other room.
-Why won't this stay on?
-SISTINE: Keep going.
That's gnarly.
SYLVESTER:
I happen to have
this artificial heart.
It's from the last Rambo scene
when I (laughs)
did this job on my enemy there,
and I pulled out his heart.
Like, why not?
This will go here
'cause Scarlet has our heart.
I'm expecting
the reaction to be
heartless.
(laughs)
SISTINE:
Scarlet
-table is set to the nines.
-Oh, my God.
-SYLVESTER: Oh, no. Wow.
-(Jennifer laughs)
JENNIFER:
Wowza, wowza, wowza.
SYLVESTER:
Are you hungry?
SCARLET:
No, no, no.
That's so unappetizing.
SOPHIA:
Scarlet, you have our heart.
Oh
I'm gonna miss you guys so much.
Martha Stewart
would be so proud.
When I went to college,
I never went to one party.
Not one.
I had a couple of friends
and we used to hang out
and feed the squirrels
-during the day. (chuckles)
-That's your college experience?
This is horrible.
This is the worst story ever.
I lost my appetite.
I know. Thanks.
I was not very scholastic,
to say the least.
I had a .89
grade point average.
SOPHIA:
You didn't have
a one point something?
Not even one point.
But at the very end
of the first year,
I had a 3.5.
-That's amazing.
-There you go.
That's because
we stole the exams.
-Oh.
-Okay.
(Jennifer laughs)
SYLVESTER:
It was on the fourth floor,
so there were some young
mountain climbers
and I hired them,
so they climbed up
the balconies,
took the exams,
brought them to my room.
-SISTINE: okay, that is wild.
-That is wild.
You should
write a movie about this.
No, it's just a normal day.
-(whoops)
-(barks)
Well, I'm so excited
to go to college.
JENNIFER:
Oh, great.
-SOPHIA: Oh.
-Come On.
-Now his face has to
-(overlapping chatter)
SCARLET:
Yeah!
Come on, now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me. ♪
♪
JENNIFER:
This is your first apartment.
-This is--
-SCARLET: I know.
This is, like, big time.
-SCARLET: This is a big deal.
-This is a big deal.
SCARLET:
I'm going into
sophomore year of college,
having my own apartment
in Miami.
You're gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna see
all your old friends.
All your old schoolmates
are gonna be back.
SCARLET:
I'm so excited to
see my friends again,
go to classes.
I'm especially
excited to see Joe.
SOPHIA AND SISTINE:
Whoa!
SCARLET: Joe and I are
best friends.
We met in our freshman dorms.
We used to date, but
we lived across country
this summer, and
it didn't work out.
♪
Having my own space
made me kind of realize
that I need to say to him
that I want to seriously get
in a relationship going forward.
(laughs)
I miss him.
(laughs)
(whimpers)
Winnie, what's wrong?
Winnie is so excited
for me to leave.
You're gonna be my only friend.
Your sister's going away.
She's leaving me.
Makes me so sad.
SCARLET:
You make me feel so bad.
JENNIFER:
No, I am excited for you.
I'm just
You know, it's hard when
your last kid leaves the nest.
I keep thinking of
memories we have
all together as a family.
You have
a good day at school,
and I'll see you
when you get home.
(screams)
JENNIFER:
How old are you today? Five.
Happy birthday.
Not being together, 24/7
is heartbreaking to me.
I don't want you to move,
baby love.
♪
SISTINE:
(whoops) I'm so nervous.
SCARLET:
I'm nervous.
I don't know why.
-Other one?
-All right. All right.
-Off to a good start.
-Scarlet
-What?
-Scarlet.
-I can't get in.
-There it goes.
-No, I can't.
Pull it in and then do it.
(cheering)
SCARLET:
Whoa.
-My goodness.
-JENNIFER: This is so nice.
-Mom.
-JENNIFER: Yeah?
Mattress is here.
-All right, Scarlet, test it.
-Yeah!
SISTINE:
Oh, it's bouncy. Oh!
SCARLET: All right, I'm done.
Move done.
JENNIFER: Okay, so what I need
you guys to do--
-What?
-I'm gonna be in charge here.
-SCARLET: No.
-(puffs) Yes.
-(chuckles)
-JENNIFER: Go downstairs
and start bringing up
the 300 pounds of
clothing we shipped.
SISTINE:
We've done this song and dance
moving in so many times
that I think everyone
actually understands
their assigned roles.
Jennifer is going to be
the leader.
JENNIFER:
We're gonna make this a home
in, like, literally an hour.
SISTINE:
She better love me
for cleaning this toilet.
I like to wipe down surfaces.
It really calms me down.
-Mom, there's a pube in here!
-JENNIFER: Oh, God, Sistine.
(Sistine groans)
-(grunts)
-(clattering inside box)
-Sorry.
-Sophia, don't throw it.
-I'm sorry, I
-I have crystals in there.
I was trying to lay it
on top of it.
SISTINE:
Sophia--
she kind of just complains,
but she's good at
breaking down boxes.
Ow!
Fuck, Sophia.
Oh, my God.
I think my knee just went in
and out and popped.
And Scarlet
actually does nothing.
She will disappear as
we are moving her stuff in
and we'll have no idea
where she is.
JENNIFER: All right, guys,
let's finish up here.
Yeah, I'm gonna
look for more hangers.
♪
By the time she gets back,
it's magically all put together.
JENNIFER:
Okay, baby.
-Be safe. Okay?
I don't like byes.
-Okay.
This is I'll see you
in a few days, okay?
-SCARLET: Oh.
-Group hug.
-Bye, guys.
-We're missing our little bean.
No, it can't be
the three musketeers as before.
I love you, girls.
I love you, guys.
-Thank you so much.
-We're so lucky
to have each other.
It means so much to me
that you guys were here.
Living in my new apartment,
I'm excited,
but I'm also really sad because
I'm gonna miss my family
so much.
-We'll take care of her.
-SCARLET: Please do.
-Bye-bye.
-Bye. Love you.
-JENNIFER: Bye, Scarlet.
-Bye, guys.
(door closes)
-Why did you start crying?
-Why did you start crying?
Because it's so hard.
She's-she's all alone.
She doesn't even have
a chair to sit on.
-She'll be fine.
-I'm just leaving her
with a mattress on the floor.
-She doesn't have--
-Stop crying, please.
-Mom, she's okay.
-(chuckling)
My favorite thing
in the whole world
is being a mom.
I mean,
I know Scarlet.
Once she's out on her own,
she's not coming home.
She's my baby
and, uh, I'm gonna miss her.
She's gonna be okay.
You did good.
You did good.
♪
(line ringing)
-SCARLET: Hello?
-Hey, young lady. Guess who?
Oh, hi.
-(laughs) Hi.
-Hi.
-How are you?
-Hi. I'm great.
I just want to talk with you.
-Do you have any--
-Oh, um
Do you have a little time?
Um, I really--
(laughs) Sorry, one sec.
Um, no, I'm kind of
rushing out right now
-Okay.
-to go out. Um, just
to meet some friends up.
SYLVESTER:
One of the most frustrating
things in the world
for a parent, I think,
is when you call your child,
they're too busy to talk to you.
They're somewhere else.
They're--
They've fallen off the planet.
You don't know.
And it drives me crazy
because I tried to instill that
in Scarlet from the beginning
and, obviously, it bounced off.
SCARLET:
I'll talk to you later?
All right.
You got a date.
-I love you.
-We'll take a rain--
I love you, too.
Take a rain check.
-Bye now.
-All right. Bye.
You're getting nothing
for Christmas.
(chuckles)
SCARLET: Are you excited?
I want to try alligator.
-We're not trying alligator.
-Why?
No, I've been eating
too many exotic foods.
That's disgusting.
I am so nervous
to go to the Everglades.
Oh, my God.
Joe thought it would be
a good idea.
He's always coming up with
really crazy, fun ideas.
Here, I brought
you some glasses.
There you go.
Oh, he's ready to roll.
(laughs)
As much as I want to say
that I want a relationship,
I don't know what to say.
JOE:
Yeah, buddy.
SCARLET:
So I'm just gonna try flirting
and see what happens.
This is kind of romantic.
-This is.
-(laughs)
♪
I said, let's go to dinner,
but he goes "No.
-We're got to go crocodile"
-Dinner's so boring.
I used to think about you
every day ♪
When you said
"Act like we should run away" ♪
-GUIDE: Oh, do you see how big
he is, you see his tail?
-JOE: Yeah.
-SCARLET: You can't pet it?
-GUIDE: Yeah, go ahead, pet it.
(laughing)
-What do they eat?
-JOE: Stallones.
You're like an appetizer
for them.
I got more meat in my bones
than you do.
Okay. Good.
See this, man?
A warrior.
♪
Bye!
How did we run
out of reasons ♪
For getting ourselves
in the same things ♪
Over and over
and over again. ♪
I saw a beautiful,
giant manatee yesterday.
-He was gorgeous.
-Why didn't you adopt it?
-We can bring it inside.
-I couldn't even work
because he kept
poking his head up.
I have only seen
a manatee one time.
Let's sit out.
-So
-What's up?
I was thinking about Scarlet.
My greatest joy in life
is being a mom
and her being the last
to move out,
it's really, really
(sighs)
difficult for me,
And I-and I'm having
a really hard time.
I just,
I just have to figure out
-who I am now, because
-SOPHIA: Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
-I don't really know
what I even like to do
-SOPHIA: That is true.
because all I like to do
is be your mom.
For me, being
an empty-nester now,
this is a real tricky time
in my life.
It's the first time I've had to
really look deep into
my heart and figure out
what I like doing.
I don't know,
I'm just thinking about
doing some, you know,
something for me now.
'Cause I've never I never
played golf or played tennis
or deep sea fishing.
I don't know.
I don't even know what I like.
-I don't even know. Maybe--
-where did that even come from?
Well, I'm on the water, so
SOPHIA:
You are obsessed with big fish.
What if I just bought you a game
of Go Fish and we start there?
-No, I'm not
doing that, Sistine.
-Okay.
I want to try it
'cause I love going on boats
and I think it would be
really fun.
-Does that mean we have to go?
-Of course. (laughing)
I won't do the actual fishing,
but I'm down to,
like, go on the boat.
I'll definitely
buy you a little floaty.
(laughing)
What year is it?
♪
-MAN: Cut.
-MAN 2: Cut!
Wouldn't that be something?
And
-Oh, especially. It's in L.A.
-Yeah.
Probably Santa-Santa Clarita.
No, we're not.
See you later.
I thought Tulsa King
would be not hard at all.
But it's been six months
in Oklahoma.
I don't want to be away anymore.
Feel as though
I've missed so much,
such as Scarlet moving out.
That hurts.
Without Scarlet, it's a void.
She is impossible to
replace.
♪
JENNIFER:
Hi.
-Hello!
-SOPHIA: Hi.
Good morning, good morning.
How are you, ladies?
-ALL: Good.
-I'm Yali. Welcome aboard.
-Sistine. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
-Sophia.
-Hello.
-Welcome, welcome.
Nice to meet you, Jennifer.
-Welcome aboard.
-Thank you.
I'm coming out of
my comfort zone.
I'm gonna do things that
I've never done before.
So I'm going to take
the girls fishing with me.
Who's catching the first fish?
-You.
-I guess Mom.
-Youngest to oldest?
-GUIDE: Why don't we do
rock, paper, scissor
competition?
I'm choosing rock.
Sophia's like the one
that doesn't want to fish,
and she might win.
-No.
-GUIDE: Yes.
-(all laughing)
-Yes.
GUIDE:
Yes. That's right.
SISTINE:
My God.
I've been saying to everyone,
like, "She can go, she can go."
You won. Okay.
Even though I'm gonna have
the worst time of my life,
I'm gonna do it for my mom
'cause that's gonna
make her smile.
GUIDE:
All right, that's good.
Our job is to keep you
in the boat.
SISTINE:
Oh, my God.
How big are we talking?
-(thunder rumbles)
-Biggest I've caught is 650.
-Pounds.
-SISTINE: Six hundred and fifty?
-Six
-SISTINE: Pounds?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I swear to God, if you guys
let go of me, I'll kill you.
-Well, you'll be dead, so--
-Oh.
(laughing)
All right.
I'll get us dropped in.
GUIDE:
This is gonna be interesting.
Oh, please don't say that.
We're like a little train.
Choo-choo.
JENNIFER:
Come on, fishy, fishy, fishy.
-Come on.
-SOPHIA: Ay, ay, ay.
-This is hilarious.
-SISTINE: What?
So you're backing her up
-and you're backing her up.
-We're a train.
-Yeah.
-That's great.
-I'm the middle car,
Sophia is the engine,
and she is the caboose.
So, these fish just kind of
sleep at the bottom?
-There we go.
Yeah, come forward!
-(shrieking)
-Come forward. Come forward.
Come forward.
-Go, Sophia!
-No!
-GUIDE: Still there?
-Come on, get through!
GUIDE:
Look what you just caught.
Look what you just caught.
Look at him. Look at him.
Oh, my God!
(all screaming)
GUIDE:
I told you. I told you!
SOPHIA:
(whoops) What the hell?
All right,
we're going in the water.
SOPHIA:
Oh, my God!
-Come on. Sophi
-You okay, Sophia?
JENNIFER:
Oh-- Oh, my God.
Where's my camera?
Somebody gets some
Take-- Get some film.
We're going in the water.
MAN:
We're gonna
in the water, right?
JENNIFER:
That's insanity.
SISTINE:
Yeah, Mama! (whoops)
Ready?
Move here, Jennifer.
You got the tail right here.
(whooping)
Mom!
(shouting)
You're a sweet sailor.
(whooping)
-SOPHIA: Oh, my--
-SISTINE: Holy shit.
Breathe, breathe.
I love it.
JENNIFER:
I dove in and I was so excited
to be able to be
in the middle of the ocean
with this giant fish.
I mean, it's never
gonna happen again.
(chuckles)
So I thought,
you know, live,
live your best life.
Mom, I'm proud of you
for getting in the water
'cause I was definitely
not doing that
-after you touching it.
-Yeah, this is--
-That's huge, by the way.
-I That was badass.
Sometimes when
you're feeling not your best
-and you're a little bit down
-Thank you.
you don't want to
put yourself out there
-to do something fun
like that.
-I had to.
-You're the only one that did.
And you know what?
It felt really good.
Just kind of like
a metaphor in life,
you know,
you just got to jump in.
And even when you're scared,
you got to keep swimming.
Like, you can't give up.
I'm truly an empty-nester,
but I'm ready
to go for it.
I'm really ready
to live my best life
and have a lot of fun.
-We got to go inside.
This is bad.
-Holy cow!
We're getting inside,
we're getting inside.
-(thunder crashes)
-(screaming)
Oh, my God. We're getting
struck by lightning.
This is so much fun!
JENNIFER:
The gods are telling us
SISTINE: They're like,
"Get the fuck inside."
♪
(knocking)
-Oh
-(exclaims)
-Hello, sweetheart.
-(laughing): Hi.
(muffled chatter)
I'm so sorry I didn't--
I wasn't here when you moved in.
I would have liked to
have seen it.
I missed my daughter,
so I decided to
show up uninvited
and see how things are going.
I was just saying
I was doing Tulsa King
and I was feeling
very guilt-ridden.
You don't have to feel bad.
This is your job.
I do.
No, I feel bad because
-I think it's important
-Yeah.
to really cherish these days.
You want to spend
your time currency
where it matters, which is here.
-Yeah.
-So show me around a little bit.
Okay. Um
-Stove.
-Stove.
Sink.
Um
stole this from the house.
Stole that
from the house.
And then we have my bedroom.
-I designed it myself.
-Well, you definitely
It's a step up
from my college days,
I'll tell you that.
-Do you have a place
you hang out?
-I have Okay.
Do you know, um, acai bowls?
-Do you know what those are?
-No.
It's a cool, hip, smoothie bowl.
It's delicious.
Is it in the neighborhood?
-It's two steps away
from this place.
-Let's check it out.
It's so strange
when you haven't seen
your children--
even if it's
a couple of weeks, whatever--
they just seem to have changed.
You have to catch up
a little bit.
And she looks taller,
she looks brighter.
She looks more mature.
She's an adult.
What happened?
-This is it.
-You weren't even
saying it properly.
-"A-sigh-uh."
-No.
-"Akai."
-(laughs): "Akai?"
SYLVESTER:
It's kind of mixed feelings
that I'm happy for.
Well, sort of happy.
Okay, how do you pronounce it?
-"A-sa-ee."
-Acai.
-"Akai," aki-- "Acasee."
-"A-sa-ee.
SYLVESTER:
All I know,
I was doing Expendables
in Brazil and everyone goes,
"Hey, this is wonder fruit
called 'Akai.'"
-"Akai."
-"A-sa-ee."
And the guy is giving me
a linguistic lesson.
I want to take him back
to Brazil and give him a lesson.
I was wondering, you were
-Where-Where's
-dating that guy before, right?
Joe.
Joe, who you kept talking about.
-And you went--
-I'm, I--
You went chasing crocodiles
with him, yes?
-Yes.
-It's kind of a bonding moment.
-It is a bonding moment.
-So
Dad, no.
We're not No, no, no.
Stop. Stop, stop.
-I hit a n I hit a nerve.
-No. No.
MAN:
Scar-Scarlet?
Thank you. Yay!
(chuckles softly)
Women.
Oh, my-- This is beautiful.
So, tell me, are you going
into a sorority or something?
I'm fully doing
the college experience now.
Is that just an excuse
to have a lot of parties?
♪
No.
I think that
I'm a very social person
and I was always
very independent.
You and mom would
get so mad sometimes
'cause you would want me
to stay home
or, like, be with everyone 24/7,
and just
that was Sophia and Sistine.
I just, I've always wanted
just to go.
SYLVESTER:
You know, you,
you philosophize, you say,
"Oh, God, I want the best
for my children.
I want them to go out there
and spread their wings, and"
Maybe clip their wings.
I don't want them to leave.
It's it's hard.
But I'm very happy to see
Scarlet is
well taken care of and
I think she's
gonna do real well.
-Mwah. I love you.
-I love you.
♪
-Sistine, I know
you can do this.
-(shrieking)
-MAN: It doesn't hurt.
-Get it off, get it off!
My brother has a gig
in Atlantic City.
Murphy's Law.
Nothing ever works out.
WOMAN:
When did the nosebleed start?
MAN: Your blood pressure
is high right now.
You're not gonna sing well.
Do you want me to fill in?
Are you fucking kidding me?
-Ladies and gentlemen
-(cheering)
Come on, now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me. ♪
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