The Franchise (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

- (CREW MEMBER COUGHING)
- (TOOLS BANGING)
Morning, Quinn.
So sorry for the 4 a.m. pickup.
Oh, please. It's lovely
to watch the sunrise.
(CHUCKLES) Well, last day. Sad.
I'm literally so sad.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Sorry for staring at you. (CHUCKLES)
I watched one of your films once
on my phone on a Greek ferry.
Big thumbs up on your acting.
Oh, thanks so much.
It was an illegal stream,
which I feel bad about now.
But I was on international waters
at the time.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
DAG: Thank you.
As you know, I died many dawns
ANITA: That's it, fucking run! Run!
Umbrella! Hello!
- That's alarming.
- Hmm.
So, apparently Rome is burning,
but, uh, it's nothing to worry about.
DAG: Hmm.
(HURRIED MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC FADES)
Morning. We got you coffee.
Ooh, studio coffee. Mm. Yeah, no thanks.
I don't know how you drink that crap.
I have no taste. I know what they say,
"Pat the philistine has no taste."
Yeah, guess what? I don't.
Joke's on you, pal. (CHUCKLES)
So, this is fun.
A little 5 a.m. hang with my guys.
Anita, an old problem
has come back to nag us.
You familiar with "the woman problem"?
What's that? The the menopause?
PAT: Way before your
time, there was a
thing in the air.
"Maximum Studios has a problem
with their girl characters."
Yeah, great. So we find a
way to shut everybody up.
And in silencing the
debate, empowering the women.
We announce a movie, The Sister Squad.
Silo all our women,
put them in one movie.
Offshore the women problem.
And in offshoring the
women, empowering the women.
Female director, eight
female leads, female DP.
Yeah, I shit you not. (CHUCKLES)
Hey, what's the opposite
of a sausage party?
A clam jam?
Clam jam
PAT: I mean, we women the
absolute fuck out of it.
PR wet dream. The cliterati went nuts.
So exciting to get inside
that creative process.
Then, and I don't want to say
all the women turned on each other,
'cause I know how that sounds
Sure. Do you?
but it was catfights in
the henhouse all day long.
So then Shane has to can our
women movie, and guess what?
Suddenly, we got a woman
problem all over again. Ugh!
It's like a menstrual
cycle, but for women.
And now they're saying that
we are not real feminists.
- (SCOFFS)
- Bitches.
Which leads me to you.
Oh, you want me to
woman the woman problem.
Take a look at Tecto, huh?
Beef up that woman
angle. Quiet the chat.
ANITA: Pat, two male leads.
We don't have a lot of runway.
Hey (CLAPS)
your movie, your choice.
But also really, it's Shane's choice.
And as a father of daughters,
I'm very pro-Shane's choice.
- Absolutely. Got it.
- Thanks, sugartits.
- What?
- PAT: I'm kidding!
I would never say that,
which is precisely why
I can say it as a joke.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Ha, ha. Funny joke, jellydick.
(UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
Eric, sir, we have your dead wives,
if you'd like to make a selection.
Just pick a woman to play a corpse.
Obviously, they're all great.
Do you think they can hear me?
- No, I don't think so
- Okay, great,
because they're all terrible.
I don't believe any of them.
This is for a photo on a tombstone
and a corpse, so
Will you please just find me
some more options for the dead woman?
Thank you. You're all
great. Jaz, thank you.
- DAG: Rest in peace. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
- JAZ: This way, please.
DAG: Oh, here comes Quinn!
Love how we've taken
one of the great actors
of her generation and dressed her up
like a Mormon in space.
Oh, here she is! The exposition lady.
- Hello, Peter.
- Oh, I love it when you're in.
I can just kick back
and listen to you
yap, yap, yapping away.
I'm just nodding today. No dialogue.
Nod away and let those
clever little boys
in India paint round me with
their graphics. (CHUCKLES)
Hmm. (EXHALES)
Can someone get me some gum?
Oh, sorry, if you could avoid
any unnecessary mouth
movements in the headpiece.
So, like eating or talking?
Exactly. Thanks so much.
ADAM: Ba! Ba! (CLEARS THROAT) Ba!
- (GROANS)
- PETER: Morning, number one.
I was just telling number four,
I'm on nodding duties.
How's this? Too much?
Peter, I'm just gonna stay
focused on my process, okay?
- Ba! Ba!
- (CREW SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Last day. (SIGHS)
- Last day and I am done.
- ADAM: Ba!
As you know, I died many dawns before
and was doomed to forever wander
this infinite maze of wormholes
known as the Chrontinuum.
Peter nods in agreement.
But as you know,
with enough resourcium
Academy Award nominee.
You can really tell.
the Invisible Jackhammer
could propel its way
through the chrono-funnel
and into the outermost edges
ANITA: Ah, there she
is. The Lilac Ghost.
A vision in purple,
like human potpourri.
Anita, is everything okay?
'Cause it feels like the gods
are maybe angry and I don't know why.
Grab Eric. I have a headache
I'm excited to share with you all.
(CHUCKLES) This is me all
day. Can you believe it?
Silently nodding,
like a wife at a party.
Bad news. (SIGHS)
The culture thinks the
studio has a woman problem
and Pat would like
us to fix it for them.
But we have a woman. The Lilac Ghost.
Okay, Eric, describe her to me.
Beware traps, milord.
Well, she's a strong
independent female ghost.
So, what's her superpower, Eric?
It's not a power, but she is clumsy.
ANITA: And that's our
superhero? A clumsy dead woman?
Not to be a nerd about it,
she lost her powers in a
soul swap with Immortus.
That's just her arc.
I'll tell you who had an arc, Joan.
Joan of Arc. Rest in fire, queen.
Okay, uh, so we'll meet on wrap.
We need the Lilac Ghost to be a badass
by tomorrow morning.
Come armed with ideas for
a new power, thank you.
Bryson, let's roll.
Great, so let's just
give the women superpowers
even if they don't have any.
It's based on the comics,
these are the facts.
Are comics facts?
JAZ: Dan, Adam's crying in his trailer.
DANIEL: Oh, great. Maybe I'll join him.
I may have done a sexism
once, in a beer commercial.
But I've always wanted
to make a feminism.
I know you have, Eric.
How did I miss this, Stephie?
Do I have a woman problem?
Eric, she just got lost in the rewrites.
If anything, it's probably my fault.
Well, maybe, in a way, yes.
Mm.
Crikey. You've shot up.
(CHUCKLES) Yes, it's for eyeline.
Yeah. An honor, really.
Heavy is the head that wears the head.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Wife's a lucky lady.
Big man, two moufs mows mouths.
I'll get some grapes.
(CHUCKLES)
(SNIFFLES) My God,
I wouldn't mind a nibble
on that fish stick.
(LAUGHS)
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
He's some kind of mollusk.
(CHUCKLES)
- Listen, uh, everything's cool.
- Yeah?
Everything's, yeah, like, it's fine.
Um, but I might be having
a few slight side effects
from my human growth hormones.
- Your supplements, you mean?
- ADAM: Yeah.
Because we only know
about your supplements.
No. No, I'm talking about
my human growth hormones.
DANIEL: Okay.
ADAM: My jaw.
My face.
It's, like growing.
A lot. My beanie.
My beanie. It's never felt this tight.
Look at that.
Okay, Adam, mate,
where's this coming from?
Have you seen the on-set
photos from Centurios 2?
Look at that. Look at those traps.
I'd smack my own mother's
ass for those traps.
Yeah, same.
But that's Brick Tower though,
- that's his whole thing.
- Yeah, but that's the look!
- Mmm.
- I it's like a
a refrigerator carrying
a television set.
It's like a mesomorph with, like,
endomorphic characteristics.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Uh, kin kinda, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and I got this, like, new doctor,
and I really like the guy a lot,
but he has his own cryptocurrency,
and I'm just like,
you're not focused, brah.
Can you just show me
what is it you're on?
Yeah. It's, um
It's a new hormone, Ovitropin.
But this guy at the gym
says it gives you bitch tits
and I'm like, no. So
now I'm like cutting it
with this new experimental
drug for breast cancer.
(GAGS)
Okay, sure. Um,
just a reminder that the official line
is avocados, lots of crunches.
But I went down like this
Google hole last night,
kind of like spun me out a little bit
and I'm not really sleeping that much.
Like, I'm on zero sleep actually.
Can I show you something
(INHALES) on my body?
(CHUCKLES)
Just so you know, um, the
drug that I'm injecting,
it's it's designed
to fatten up livestock,
uh, specifically sheep.
Yeah, obviously, why not?
Yeah, so I just want
you to see, is this
- Ooh.
- Look at this hair here.
The acne is just like the normal,
- normal side effect.
- Ah!
Like white and like wiry, kind of wiry?
Yeah, I guess.
- Mm.
- Yeah, you don't think it's
you know, you don't think it's
W Wool?
- No, I don't think it's wool.
- No, I don't think so, either.
(CHUCKLES) No, no, not at all.
Yeah, yeah.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
'Cause you don't think
you're turning into a sheep?
No! (LAUGHS)
- No, fuck no!
- DANIEL: Okay.
- No!
- No.
- Yeah.
- No. No!
Paranoia, anxiety spirals,
they're side effects,
- so it it's normal.
- I don't want this.
This is not what I want.
I mean, this is just what
I have to do to be him.
Yeah.
Okay. Um
All right, look, I'm gonna
call the concierge guy, yeah?
We're gonna get you
an IV and a vit-B shot.
We're gonna flush you out, clean you up.
Yeah, okay. Great. Thank you.
In the meantime, if you
start feeling the urge
to run around fields
and jump over hedges,
you let me know.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
The the sheep. Um
ADAM: Oh, it's a joke.
It's a joke. (LAUGHS)
DANIEL: Yep.
Don't knit me into a sweater, right?
(DANIEL LAUGHS)
It's not wool.
- Okay? All right.
- (ADAM CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
- You're Tecto!
- Tecto.
- You're gonna be great. All right.
- Yeah. Thanks.
Okay, power hour. Let's go.
So, we give her the strength of a man.
- ANITA: What man?
- A man. Any man.
STEPH: Van Damme, Snipes,
Sudeikis, Agassi?
DANIEL: Issue 219,
"Death in the Red Valley,"
she absorbs the strength of
the world's strongest man,
- and that is CBA.
- CBA?
- It's Comic Book Accurate
- Comic Book Authentic. Sorry for joining late.
- ANITA: Boring. What else?
- Another one from the comics is she learns languages
- by kissing people on the mouth.
- No.
What if she can talk to horses?
Anybody can talk to horses, Steph.
Horses understand, is what
I meant. She speaks horse.
ANITA: Can't we just give her something?
A A dongle, a bangle, a rope?
For various reasons,
none of those ideas are good ideas.
Oh, what about this?
But she talks horse in a loud voice.
She Her voice isn't horse.
- I am clear.
- The Stick of Maximum Potency.
Oh, yeah, those are good words.
DANIEL: Obviously no, Dag.
That belongs to Professor Poton.
- (SIGHS)
- ANITA: Good words, though.
Maximum potency? What is it?
Dunno. Make it up?
Oh, yeah, just make it up.
- It's all made up, Daniel.
- DANIEL: Yeah, so's the Bible.
Okay, let's just give the
Apostle Paul superhuman strength.
Where's that leave Jesus?
Suddenly he's just some
hippie at a dinner party.
Meanwhile, Paul's fighting
Satan with a lightsaber.
My generation would totally
read that version of the Bible.
Bryson, what does it actually do?
Canonically, the stick
has the power to stop time.
ANITA: Yawn. Can we do better?
More powerful than an atom bomb?
A thousand atom bombs!
A powerful, powerful, powerful woman.
- Who talks horse.
- Stop talking about horses!
Look, the fans are not gonna like it,
I'm telling you.
When we gave Gale Force
the Gravity Pendant,
do you remember what happened?
They leaked her iCalendar onto Reddit,
and then they protested
at her niece's graduation.
Oh, God, how unimaginable,
missing your niece's graduation?
DANIEL: Bryson?
All I will say about the stick is,
on behalf of little girls everywhere
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
ERIC: I'm so excited about the stick,
because women are important.
Hmm? This is what a feminist looks like.
Who's the woman playwright
who wrote the play I loved about women?
Amy Baker? Annie Herzog?
Get her on a flight. I'll
brief her on rewrites.
Lilac Ghost gets a new stick,
and we reshoot the scene from today.
Great. I cracked it.
What else should I fix?
- ANITA: It's good work, Dag.
- DAG: The Stick of Maximum Potency.
- Even I can't believe how cool it sounds.
- ERIC: Beautiful idea, Dag.
- DAG: You have no idea.
- The maximum level of potency?
Sorry, can you hear yourselves?
The Lilac Ghost becomes the most
powerful being in the cosmos?
Have you taken leave of your senses?
Seriously, Anita, it's Fucking hell.
Great work, everybody. Dan,
can I get two on the schedule?
DAG: Sorry to have an
idea, I guess. (CHUCKLES)
Dan, can we remember the
line in front of the crew?
DANIEL: "The line"? Oh, the line.
Anita, if you pull at this thread, okay,
the whole script is gonna unravel,
Eric's gonna get in his head,
and then we're all going
down a fucking rabbit hole.
It's a stick in a movie, Dan.
We'll lose days, the movie loses focus,
and then I'm going to
lose sleep and hair.
ANITA: Okay, friend level,
I just need to land this plane,
cash my check, and jet pack out of here.
Boutique development house,
actual movies, not
this franchise bullshit.
Oh, okay.
- I get it.
- ANITA: Yeah.
This is just "the yawn" all over again.
Oh, what the fuck?
This is not "the yawn."
- Yeah, it is. It's "the yawn."
- ANITA: Fuck, are you hung up
on something from seven years ago?
It's okay. Just use us.
Pump us full of woman.
And then bounce on us like a trampoline.
- ANITA: Thanks, Dan.
- DANIEL: Thanks, Anita.
- Remembering the line.
- (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Watch your step there. Careful.
Eric's just shattered the glass ceiling.
DANIEL: Wow.
And yet, none of you were
asked to clean it up. Progress.
DAG: Who do I talk to about residuals?
Quinn just wrapped.
Headpiece being scraped off.
Waiting with flowers to
convey Shane's thanks.
QUINN: Free at last!
These flowers convey Shane's thanks.
- (CLICKS TONGUE) Aw.
- ANITA: Bravo, our leading lady.
Stop. (CHUCKLES)
It has been the utmost delight.
Oh, your forehead is inflamed.
Yeah, it's from the
adhesive. Super durable.
For a superwoman.
This face is on fire.
(CHUCKLES) Right. Thank you and goodbye.
We need you to come back tomorrow.
- What?
- Quinn, it is super important
to me as a woman to empower you.
Literally, more powers to you.
- Big new scene.
- BRYSON: Big new stick.
ANITA: Flying in a playwright.
Annie Herzog's in a helicopter.
Trust me, it's gonna be great.
That's that's really great.
Although, I've
never really wanted to make a fuss
because the fans haven't
exactly embraced me.
Remember when I made that
quip about Thunderon?
They really didn't like it.
Got pretty scary.
Oh, the militant wing of our base
is vanishingly small, right, Bryson?
Ten, twenty, thirty thousand?
If I may?
"If Quinn Walker got hit by a bus,
I genuinely would not shed a tear."
Do you know who tweeted that?
Some asshole in his mom's basement.
My daughter's pediatrician.
And those are the minds
that we need to change.
Let me try.
New scene, let you kick some ass.
Shane would really appreciate it.
Well, I am still under contract,
so I shall see you tomorrow.
(CHUCKLES WEAKLY) Good night.
Oh, oh, Quinn. Uh
now you're not technically wrapped,
I must deflower.
- (SCOFFS)
- We will reflower.
I am an ally.
I feel so Hollywood.
Four days in, already
got a writing credit.
(SCOFFS) You're not
getting a writing credit.
I might just catapult
straight to the top.
Saltburn it. Dancing
around the studio with my wang out.
Morning, Quinn.
Nearly ready for you.
(MUFFLED SOBBING)
(DOOR OPENING)
DANIEL: Oh! Quinn.
Is this a bad time? Should we come back?
Oh, no, no, no, no. I
do this all the time.
Come, come, come.
It It's to protect the eye makeup.
When I want to cry, which is most days,
tilt the chair back,
then the tears don't ruin my makeup.
See?
- Oh, yeah, you can see the tears just running clear.
- DAG: Oh, yeah.
Such a good system.
It's like like
guttering, but for tears.
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
All right. Last day.
Really is your last day.
- Yep. Thanks so much.
- DANIEL: Thanks, Quinn.
- Thank you very much.
- Yeah, be out in two.
- Yeah.
- DANIEL: Cheers. Bye-bye.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Sides to reflect the new scene.
Ah, new pages for the Nodfather.
Okay. Uh, heads up, Quinn's
feeling quite emotional,
so let's just, um, be sensitive, yeah?
Um, Eric? More options
for the dead wife.
DANIEL: Eric, sir, make your selection.
Oh, my. Look at you all,
standing there in your power.
But don't look for too long,
it might be a little bit weird.
It's just a photo on a tombstone, Eric.
I I choose them all.
Congratulations, you're all dead!
JAZ: Follow me.
DANIEL: Eric, how can Tecto
have five identical dead wives?
- I think I just had a mini-stroke.
- DANIEL: Uh-huh.
Could you pick one for
me and kill the rest?
Okay.
Adam! Feeling human
again? Little less wooly?
So much better, yeah.
Sorry about the sheep
thing. What a doofus.
Still feeling a little paranoid, but
That'll pass though,
right? You'll bounce back.
- Yeah! Yeah. Yeah.
- Give it your all. Yeah.
- QUINN: Hey, hey, hey, sorry.
- What's that?
DAG: The Stick of Maximum Potency.
It's incredibly powerful.
- Yeah, so powerful
- Oh.
I actually can't believe it.
Yeah. I mean, it's big.
QUINN: Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's overwhelming,
to be honest with you.
Thank you.
But it's not stronger than my,
uh, Earthquake Glove, right?
Maybe. Could be. Probably.
ADAM: Okay. Um
(SIGHS) Why can't I read
right now? This, um
I'm really happy with it.
ERIC: Welcoming back Quinn,
our beloved Lilac Ghost.
Thank you for being here, Quinn.
And so, to the scene. Same blocking.
Key new beat, Quinn wields her stick,
Peter cowers.
Sorry. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
What's this about cowering?
Can you stand on your position,
and we take it from
your new line, Quinn.
Yeah? Okay, and
action.
- Silence!
- (ADAM GASPS)
Or I shall banish thee to
the depths of Kragnor Caves!
No! (BREATHES HEAVILY)
Okay, and and what?
You're supposed to cower.
Well, I was told today was nodding.
Now it's cowering.
Yes, but the distance
between nodding and cowering
is a hundred million miles.
I'm sorry, but this
changes everything, Eric.
ERIC: Because we are
changing everything.
For women, for all of us.
Can I just say I'm sorry
if this thing bumps?
- I am genuinely mortified.
- It's it's it's not you.
Don't worry, it's not you.
- (ADAM CLEARS THROAT)
- What?
Can I get a closer look?
- Take it.
- Thank you.
Crystal? Is this real metal?
Mazel tov.
I hear you fixed sexism, huh?
Beat it over the head
with a big sparkly stick.
Yes, Pat, that's correct.
That's exactly what we did.
Why didn't I think of that?
Give the woman an accessory.
Hey. Possible tagline,
"Chicks with sticks."
I'm not sure. We'll
leave it to marketing.
- Ugh, come on! Let's go!
- ERIC: Yes.
Let's go. Let's shoot!
ERIC: Please un-pinch your nose, Peter.
- You heard Adam. Go ahead.
- ADAM: Yeah Uh
Uh, you herd me? What? What did you say?
You were like
What did you say?
What?
You "herd" me? Are yo
You're "herding" me?
- What?
- ADAM: Is this a sheep thing?
I I Wait, wait, time
out. Eric, is this a crook?
Sorry, I'm sorry.
Is this a joke?
Is th Are you holding a
crook? Are you in this too?
Are you (CHUCKLES)
Are you fucking with me?
Are you guys all fucking with me?
I get it, you're fucking with me.
But I'm not a sheep.
Yeah, let's laugh at the guy
who's not turning into a sheep.
I'm sorry, I just cannot
see my way to a cower.
- God knows I've tried.
- ERIC: Peter, wait.
PETER: Don't "Peter" me!
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
ERIC: Be right back.
Adam, what's happening?
Use your words!
QUINN: Someone find me Anita, please?
What's going on here, Anita?
I'm getting those henhouse vibes.
Not to man-explain this thing.
- It's mansplain.
- I don't think it is.
Shane would like six influential women
from the internet to know
he's not a misogynist.
So get my fucking lady scene.
I'd love to help. I'm just
very aware of the line.
I guess we're taking five, everyone!
CREW MEMBER: All right, let's take five!
Can't stop holding it.
Hey, Adam?
ADAM: Just a second! Uh,
wait out there, please.
Anita? Do we have Anita?
Hey, Meg, Adam's agent. I have reps.
(OVERLAPPING INTRODUCTIONS)
obviously, not the Janet Jackson.
Hey, everybody.
So, we're just jumping on here
'cause it looks like we're gonna need
certain protections in
place moving forward,
pursuant superpowers.
Uh-huh. Is this about the stick?
I guess what we want,
and it's crazy to say this out loud,
is some sort of guaranteed immunity
for our client from the
Stick of Maximum Potency.
Without getting drawn into the details,
Adam already has a Jackhammer
and an Earthquake Glove.
I know. Again, it's
crazy to talk like this.
It's just the Jackhammer is invisible.
And sticks are cooler than gloves.
Ipso facto, we have a serious problem.
- REP 1: That's correct.
- Well
I need the stick in my movie,
Meg, so what do you suggest?
REP 2: Maybe Adam should get a stick.
REP 3: Maybe he gets two sticks?
REP 4: What about a
Jackhammer of Maximum Potency?
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
REP 5: Can we give him an
extra line of muscles in post?
REP 6: The muscles is good.
Muscles on his muscles.
PETER: (SHOUTING IN TRAILER)
the Peter Fairchild,
shaking like a shitting dog, cowering!
How fucking dare they?
Anita? I see what you're doing here,
empowering me.
But if you try
to write me into any more
of these fucking movies,
I will go home and get pregnant.
Noted. Thank you, Quinn.
QUINN: I'm ovulating!
I fucked it, okay? Nobody
wants to shoot my scene.
DANIEL: This is just what you do, Anita.
Career first, screw everyone else.
Oh, are you still on about "the yawn"?
You're the one mentioning "the yawn."
Sorry, "the yawn"?
- It's so petty.
- DANIEL: Okay, Dag,
you wanna get ahead? Check this out.
We were both runners on a
film, Neverthelessness.
ANITA: Some bullshit indie film.
DANIEL: Underrated proto-mumblecore.
Production meeting, 6 a.m.,
I yawn, Anita makes a joke at my expense
and makes this big producer laugh.
Everyone laughs.
"Ooh, Daniel yawned! Great joke, Anita."
She suddenly gets a promotion.
I got promoted because
I am good at my job
and because he wanted to fuck me.
Yeah, well, I wanted to fuck
you because I was your boyfriend.
- I knew it.
- I moved on. We all did.
I didn't.
Couldn't catch a break after that.
Lazy Dan, the Tired Man of Europe.
Sleepy Dan, the Yawny Man.
Dan-bien.
The Yawn Supremacy. The Yawn Ultimatum.
- The Yawn Identity.
- Please stop.
Seven years, I have not sat
down on a film set, Anita.
- It's 'cause of you.
- God, that is so stupid.
DANIEL: And this is that again.
You first, everyone else second.
I can help you. Both of you.
Next levels,
whatever that looks like.
Well, I think executive producer
for me, but I'm not fussy. Dan?
I could maybe get you a directing gig.
Something in TV to start?
Oh, thank you, fairy godmother.
What else do I get
with that? Gold teeth?
- Little dimples?
- That would suit you.
I just need the actors
to shoot the woman scene.
I'm asking you as a pal to
remember that I'm your boss.
Cheat codes for the actors.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
DANIEL: Adam's on new steroids
and he's ultra fragile.
Reduce the size of the
stick, he'll play ball.
Peter just wants days off
to shoot commercials for Visit Libya.
And Quinn's miserable.
She just wants to die and go home.
I'll fix it.
(SIGHS) Going forward, maybe
maybe we can team it.
I manage upstairs, you run the floor.
Ooh.
Little double act, little gang.
Fire and ice.
I'm in.
You can trust me, Daniel.
Lady Fire.
Ice Man.
Incredible Badass Cool
Bitch Motherfucker.
I'll speak to costume.
(MUSIC TURNS HOPEFUL)
JAZ: Actors in position.
Lining up to shoot.
CREW MEMBER 1: Scene 54, take one, mark.
ANITA: Thank you, Dan.
DANIEL: Hey, just keeping
the trains running.
CREW MEMBER 2: Stand by.
ERIC: And action!
Behold! The Lilac Ghost.
A woman of maximum potency.
With my stick so very, very potent
ADAM: And yet, no more powerful
than my Earthquake Glove.
QUINN: Indeed.
Here I stand, stronger than ever.
But I did die.
And I am dead.
So very dead.
Death comes for almost all of us.
Silence! Or I shall banish thee
to the depths of Kragnor Caves!
- And after
- (TRUCK HORN BLARING)
Sorry, Quinn.
- Cut.
- Yeah, we we've cut there. It's a shame.
- What is this?
- (DISTANT SHOUTING)
Uh, okay, I'm on it. I'm on it.
Eric, how was that for cowering?
Great. I'm on the 16:45 to Tripoli.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Holy wow. Tentpole incoming.
DAG: Hello, sister
production. (CHUCKLES)
They seem friendly.
I think we really got something.
Score one for the sisterhood.
(CHUCKLES) I'm just so
happy to be almost finished.
So happy I could cry.
Oh, don't cry. (CHUCKLES)
Two hours in the chair.
Sorry, this is my agent.
Oh, I
- Thanks, Anita.
- ANITA: Oh, sure!
- Hello?
- AGENT: Hey, Quinn.
How's everything going over there?
Oh, it's cool. I'm almost wrapped.
- Maybe like two more setups?
- AGENT: Great. So, bad news.
Photos of your new stick
just leaked on Reddit
and the fans don't like it.
A lot of anger, a lot of male nerd rage.
I think it's best if you let
reps take over your socials
while this blows over.
Quinn? Do not check your mentions.
Bryson?
Standard Code Red procedure.
Nothing to worry about.
Are those bomb dogs?
Routine security sweep based
on a credible bomb threat.
We have the best dogs.
Pedigree bomb sniffers.
AGENT: Also, we strongly urge you
- to change pediatricians.
- (COOING)
AGENT: Not a good guy.
(PLAYFUL TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLAPBOARD SNAPS)
INTERVIEWER: So tell us
about, uh, your experience
of working on this movie.
It's definitely been an experience
working on this movie.
INTERVIEWER: Um, can
can you elaborate?
Oh, absolutely.
Uh, I was hired as an actress,
and I did what I was
asked to do
to the best of my abilities.
Misogyny? No.
Genuinely, I can't even spell misogyny.
I think that says everything.
Also, I have a charity.
It's called Randolph's Dream,
which aims to vaccinate all women.
You've probably never heard
of it because, you know, I
I don't like talking about it.
I don't like to put it out there.
It actually makes fundraising
really hard to do that,
um, because I do never tell anyone.
If if you look at our latest filing
of Randolph's Dream,
you'll see we've raised
about like, absolutely no money.
Hey, Heidi, you're a woman.
I'd vaccinate you against everything.
You know, you're welcome. I would do it.
That is Randolph's Dream.
I think we
I think we're good, right?
I'm good. I'm good. (CHUCKLES)
I'm gonna go.
Can we call my security guy?
Women!
They do They can do
great things, you know?
(MUSIC FADES)