The GOAT (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

1
-[Daniel] Previously on The GOAT
-[goat bleats]
Alliances were made
Let's try to keep the girls till the end.
To girls' alliance.
Right now, you got the numbers.
So unless I flip one of 'em,
I'm going home.
No, I have an alliance.
[Daniel]
and then, immediately broken.
-You told Joe that we have an alliance?
-Yes.
Girls' alliances always get ruined
'cause of one weak link.
[Daniel] And in what I'm sure will be
a ratings debacle,
Tayshia went home.
Tayshia, I'm sorry, you're exiled
from GOAT Manor.
[Paola] I wanted to
keep our alliance quiet. She told Joe.
So that broke the pact.
Bunch of back-stabbing mother
Who was the fucking third person
who voted for Joe?
Well, honey, I didn't vote for Joe.
I voted for Tayshia.
[Justin] I have no problem saying
I voted for Tayshia.
Everyone's in the kitchen yelling,
and I'm guilty as hell.
Joe.
This is great 'cause now all of these
weird alliances that were made,
they're about to crumble,
and I'm gonna skate right on to the end.
And I love that for me!
[theme music playing]
[goat bleats]
[upbeat music]
[Jill] How are you feeling?
Everything good?
I'm like, I'm awake, happy.
I'm just trying to wake up every morning
with, like, gratitude, confidence,
until I see the challenge.
I know, but you're good.
Like, you're strong. You're a competitor.
-You're a good competitor.
-Yeah.
And she
So proud of her.
CJ is like my little sister. You know,
not everybody in the house is a CJ fan.
And I always root for the underdog.
I don't know why I feel, like,
very motherly over her.
-Even I do.
-Do you?
Yeah, like she's my little baby bird.
Maybe because she's little and she's young
and she's also soft spoken.
She's a bad bitch, though.
Like, she's so smart.
Just 'cause she's cute and sweet,
do not mistake kindness for weakness.
I think she could take the whole thing.
I was so happy she won because
there's a few people, you know,
who are kinda counting her out.
Fuck around and find out.
[laughing]
-Hi.
-[Wendell] There he is.
Hello, herd.
[cheers]
Episode three, huh? You made it!
[cheers]
[Daniel] Last night,
you said goodbye to Tayshia.
I, on the other hand,
refuse to let her go. [sighs]
It's episode three. Tayshia
just went home last night.
I'm still fuming.
The fucking goal of this show
is to get people to watch it.
So, don't boot off
the one that has
the most Instagram followers.
[slow motion yell]
I literally couldn't sleep last night.
I mean, I slept fine,
I got about 12 hours.
But phew!
How we feeling today? Hmm?
[all]
Good!
Blows my mind that you guys
all sleep in one room
like Charlie and his grandparents
in Willy Wonka.
[all laugh]
Okay, this episode,
we're celebrating talent shows.
So You Think You Can Dance?
Want to be an American Idol?
No? Didn't think so. And that's perfect
because for today's GOAT challenge,
you will all be performing
in an Untalented Show.
You'll be going to the Temple of the GOA
and randomly selecting a talent.
You then have one hour
to put together an act
that'll blow the roof off this manor.
See you guys, bye.
[clapping]
Oh, so, we gotta pick a talent.
Forget that. What's an Untalented Show?
[Joe]
An Untalented Talent Show.
I like that because I stand a chance.
I don't really have any talent.
This is reality TV.
If we're good at anything in this house,
it's being untalented.
I'll do it.
-All right, Joe.
-All right, Joe!
-[laughs]
-[cheers]
[goat bleats]
me! Dammit!
Son of a bitch! '80s aerobics!
[laughs and cheers]
[laughs] Baton twirling.
Awful.
Limbo. The whitest thing to do
on planet Earth.
Poetry?!
Now, this is a job for Ms. Edwards!
Oh, shit. I've never actually
decorated a cake in my life.
No! I don't want this!
[all laugh]
I can't do this. I can't do it.
Singing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
We're gonna try not to sound like two hogs
wearing the same tutu with their noses
smashed together when we sing it.
She's juggling.
I'm out.
Are you kidding me? Breakdancing?
Give me disco, disco, disco!
Not break, break, break.
I'm gonna break a frickin' leg. [sighs]
I'm gonna start practicing mine.
Good luck, y'all.
[goat bleats]
-You're breakdancing, right?
-Oh, do you need some help?
-Yes! Do you know how?
-I mean, like, I used to, maybe.
[Jill] Oh, my God! Please, help me.
-[CJ] Okay.
So, dominant leg here.
-Oh, my God.
-Uh-huh.
-Lean back.
-I can't.
-Okay.
-[laughs]
Boom! Da da da. Ha!
Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
I have never limbo'd before.
I think, maybe,
if I had one to two percent body fat
[laughs]
But seeing my 49-year-old ass,
I don't know how sexy
the limbo will end up being.
You hear about the GOAT's joke?
It was baaad.
[laughs] I'm gonna look like
a creepy person in here.
I'm gonna kill you. [snorts, laughs]
[announcer]
Hold on to your hats, folks.
It's time for
the GOAT Manor Untalented Show!
Featuring your host, Daniel Tosh!
[chuckles] You guys look dumb.
[laughs]
Welcome to the first annual
GOAT Manor Untalented Show.
[cheering and applause]
I'm your host, but we couldn't celebrate
the most exciting talent shows
without a very special guest.
Joining me is probably the greatest
entertainer to ever compete on television.
Please welcome America's only real idol,
William Hung.
[cheering and applause]
[CJ] William Hung
is the ultimate talent show GOA
because he's so bad, he's good.
She bangs, she bangs ♪
Oh, baby, when she moves
She moves ♪
I love that you did that.
I didn't.
William is the only
true talent show expert here.
So, William and I will be judgy.
But we will not be judging.
That job falls to you and your co-GOATs.
What?
[Daniel]
Your housemates will be the real judges.
Oh, my God!
Each of you has eleven cards
that read one through eleven.
You can only use each card one time.
So, if you see perfection
and give them a score of eleven,
you can never use eleven again.
Highest score will be declared the GOAT,
receive immunity,
and pick the teams
in tomorrow's elimination challenge.
Mr. Hung, any advice
for our contestants today?
Just have fun! Don't be afraid
to put it out there.
[cheers and applause]
That is great advice! Let's begin!
This challenge is gonna be so much fun.
I mean, let's just all make fun
of ourselves, entertain the crowd.
That's what it's all about.
Weird that we wore
the same shirt today, huh?
[laughs] Yeah.
All right! Who's ready for Joe?
[cheers and applause]
All right!
-'80s aerobics.
-'80s aerobics.
Oh, that's exciting.
-['80s music]
-Okay, ladies, everybody get up!
I want to see all my fit people
in the house. Are you ready?
Okay, let's move those hips.
One, two, three
And hydrate.
[cheers and applause]
All right, let's go to our judges.
Sorry.
Great job, Joe.
Can I have that fanny pack
when you're done? Two!
[laughs]
We can only use our numbers one time.
So, if you pick a number
to give to somebody,
you better mean it
because you can't use it again.
I really don't have a strategy in this,
but we're gonna see what happens.
I'm saving my high score.
I like Alyssa's outfit.
[Wendell]
Whoa!
Joe, a 37.
Give it up for Da'Vonne!
-Whoo!
-[clapping]
My plan is to go on stage
and basically create a moment.
Okay, my background is theater.
The fact that I cannot juggle that well,
I'm going to mask it
with this scene and her acting skills
and let's see what happens.
Oh, no, she's coming!
She's coming! She's coming!
She's coming, she's coming! Okay!
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
[Jason] Listen, they scared me,
scared me so bad.
I didn't know if we was in some satanic
temple or what was going on up in here.
I need help! Please! There's a witch,
she's cast a spell on me
and I have to juggle,
and I can't stop juggling
until someone says the alphabet backwards!
Can you say it backwards, please?!
-Ahh!
-Go! Go!
-Z Y
-Go! Hurry!
[roars]
[Da'Vonne]
No!
What the
[Da'Vonne]
Now you gotta juggle! Go!
[Joe]
I gotta juggle?
No! No! Okay, okay, okay, stop!
Let me try.
F, E, D, C, B and A.
-Yeah!
-[cheers and applause]
What the did we just watch?
Unbelievable!
Pao.
[sighs] I'm out of breath,
but ten.
Thank you!
-Reza?
-You look great.
[Daniel]
Eight.
A five.
What a great actor. A ten.
Thank you!
Eleven.
-[cheers and applause]
-Thank you!
Give it up for Alyssa, please.
Some roses are red
and some violets are blue.
Tay was quite sweet,
but Joe, not nearly as you.
[laughs]
The gays, ready to slay.
But the one not to play
is my sister, Miss Day.
Hey!
[cheers and applause]
Lauren?
Outfit alone, eleven.
Perfection.
[cheers and applause]
Perfect, eleven.
I'm trying to secure this GOAT,
so I'm gonna give you a one, baby.
-Oh, my gosh.
-A plays the game.
-My goodness!
-[Daniel] Uh-huh.
Damn.
Well, it's clear,
some people walked into the game
absolutely knowing that there are people
that they're not gonna give high scores to
and they will save those high scores
for their allies.
It's a good strategy if
you're trying to win this one, cool.
But it's gonna disrupt
some kumbaya, I think.
[laughs]
[Daniel] And with a score of 80,
thank you, Alyssa!
Let's start Let's just start
with my roommates, okay?
I love my roommates. But let's talk
about what my roommates love.
Dick.
[all laugh]
[Daniel]
Paola!
[moos]
[Jill]
Is that milk coming out of that udder?
Oh, my God!
[all laugh]
Damn, it's hot in here.
I'm sweatin' more than a Vanderpump
cast member in a Baptist church.
[laughs]
Kristen's impersonatin' me,
and she's just got on
an apron and no bra, and I'm like,
I would not have expected anything less
out of Kristen
than what you're seein' tonight.
[cheers and applause]
To be or to, like, not be.
William Shakespeare
went to my high school.
True fact.
[rap music playing]
[Daniel]
Oh, okay, she's gonna breakdance.
-Hey!
-[cheers]
Jill has fallen and she can't get up.
This talent show is brought to you
by Medic Alert.
Go, Jill! Go, Jill!
[Teck]
Jam Master Jill got some groove to her!
Now, she told me she used to sneak
into Studio 54.
So, that means, she has to be about
Anyway, it's funny as hell.
Yes! She bangs! She bangs!
-Ohh!
-[laughs]
She bangs! She bangs!
It's Teck time!
[upbeat music]
[contestants laughing]
Okay, Teck!
Hey! Hey! Oh! Oh!
[croaking]
And the rocket's red glare ♪
Jason also served
in the Battle of the Biscuits.
[Wendell]
Pump, pump it up! ♪
Haha, look at that!
[laughs]
Oh, this is provocative.
This is an adult show.
[cheers and applause]
The day I tell
my great-great grandkids, like,
"Your grandmother was
a clown on television, once." [laughs]
[Daniel] Thank you, Teck, 64.
Jason, 59.
And a 50 for Lauren.
[cheers and applause]
Da'Vonne is our current leader
with a score of 87.
Last up, Reza!
[all clapping in rhythm]
[laughs]
Oh, God. He is not light on his feet.
[laughing]
[Reza] How the am I gonna win
just going under a stick?
I gotta bring a little pizzazz.
Sex sells in Hollywood.
[cheers]
-Oh, my God!
-No!
Somebody, get him off the stage.
Please, stop! [laughs]
[cheers and applause]
[Daniel]
I think that's it.
-[Reza] Thank you.
-Bravo, Reza.
Okay, judges, are you locked in?
-Great job.
-Thank you.
-An eleven.
-Thank you!
Eleven, bro.
[Reza]
Thank you!
Nine.
-Ten.
-[Reza] Thank you.
An eleven.
He might shatter the current world record.
I know.
Day?
Two.
Oh, wow.
A deuce.
-[boos from contestants]
-Okay.
[Lauren] There's no doubt,
Day's purposefully giving out low numbers
'cause she wants to be the GOAT.
I get it.
But I think she doesn't care
about anybody else at this point.
Total score of 85.
Let's give it up for Reza.
[Reza]
Thank you.
Today I wanted to have fun.
I got up in drag,
and I didn't want to take it that serious.
But you can't get nothin'
past Miss Edwards.
And I can tell that
some of my fellow contestants
in tonight's untalented
talent competition
are playing quite strategic
with these numbers.
With a total score of 87,
congrats to our new GOAT, Da'Vonne.
[applause]
[Daniel]
Your prize is immunity from elimination
and picking the teams in tomorrow's
elimination challenge.
You guys, enjoy the manor.
Hung and Tosh, out!
Bye-bye.
[Reza] I feel like I've been robbed.
I should've won.
Da'Vonne was throwing the scores
to make sure
she had the outcome she wanted,
and, uh
[blows]
[deep breath]
[producer]
You all good?
[Reza]
Um, no.
[Daniel] I have a feeling we're about
to see more drama than we did on stage.
-Okay, I really gotta pee.
-We are back.
Oh, I am cold as all hell.
I'm gonna go upstairs. I'm freezing.
[Alyssa] I feel like some people
are playing this game so weird.
I'm struggling because
this competition has now taken a turn.
It's more now about
how fierce can you connive.
Is this the game we're gonna play now?
I want to leave here with connections
with people,
but for someone like Day,
whose strategic part in the game,
of the mental thing, like,
if you're not with me, you're against me.
Well, that's not cool for me.
I don't feel like Day's had
any opportunity to get to know me,
other than
"We good?"
I really want to play this game with you.
We good. We good.
"We good? You votin' today?
You better go in there"
I'm like
This is ridiculous!
People are finally starting to wake up
and realize there's a game being played.
I came here to win a prize!
Justin go home.
This is not the game for you.
I need to follow my heart
and vote the way I vote.
And I'm sure I'll probably be
not on the winning team.
Do you want to come join?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause actually,
we were talking about you.
I know. That's why.
-[Justin] Yeah, okay, so
-Okay.
-Okay.
-So, Day, this is what I was sayin'.
Your level of, like, strategy,
girl, you don't sleep.
You're politicking, strategizing,
every day, every second,
every ounce of the minute.
[Da'Vonne] We're in a game.
Girl, you know what? See, that's what
everything is for you, a game.
I'm done with that. Girl, bounce.
Everything for you is a game.
Day, put the game aside and be a human.
-Listen
-Be a human. No, I'm done.
Good luck with your game.
I hope you win.
This was too much.
I'm about to have a panic attack.
I wanna be the bigger GOAT,
but it's getting like
Okay, look, we don't need
to talk about the game at all.
-Day, let's table it.
-I don't want to. No.
Day, I don't want to invest in you.
-That's fine. I'm okay with that.
-Okay, then, go.
You're here to win at any cost and step
over anybody who gets in your way, Day.
[Da'Vonne] The way Justin is talking
to me, I'm pissed off as hell.
'Cause at the end of the day,
you don't know how to play this game.
And I need to be in this house with people
who know how to play the game
so that when I'm playing the game,
I'm not being accused of playing the game.
We're in a game, Reza,
we're in a game.
[Reza] Da'Vonne wears her heart
on her sleeve.
I actually dig her.
I like her a lot as a person.
We had a moment.
I'm not gonna hold it against her.
There's something called game,
and then there's just human beings
living in a house together.
So, I'm gonna help her.
It's okay.
I'm out. I'm out.
What'd I do?
You did nothing, baby.
This ain't even about you.
But if I'm here to play a game,
and I can't play that game
because they're not players
that are cast in a game,
I'll go home. I'll go home.
I don't know what's happening.
You win. I'm going home.
Girl, do what you do, honey.
Do what you need to do, Day.
I'm going home. I'm going home.
I'm going home. I'm going home.
[Reza] Please don't cry.
Please don't cry.
Please don't cry.
Please don't cry.
[Daniel]
Well, last night got dramatic.
Seems like everyone
needs to loosen up a bit.
Let's do some stretching, girls.
Just a little bit like this
[Daniel] Not exactly what I had in mind,
but it works.
The best way to stretch,
believe it or not, is to
Whoa, Jill! Look at your agility!
Jill, is this what your boyfriend
comes home to?
[laughs]
[Jill]
If he's lucky! Lucky.
No, but this is the best way
to open up your hips.
Look, I can touch my toes now,
before I couldn't even go near 'em.
Do you remember that?
[Da'Vonne]
After last night, I'm still very mad.
And so, Justin has to go home.
As the GOAT, it is my duty to pick teams
for the elimination competition.
I have a plan.
-Pao?
-Huh?
In order for my plan to work,
I need all hands on deck.
I need to ask
I need to ask a huge favor of you.
Okay.
And I'm gonna sound crazy at first, but I
just need you to stick to it and trust me.
I need you to help me
throw this competition.
Huh.
I'm putting you on my team.
I'm putting Justin on my team.
And I'm putting CJ on my team.
I need my team to lose.
Hearing Da'Vonne say lose on purpose,
I was like, what?!
Look, I'm in shock.
I have to have Justin on the line.
I'm gonna throw it.
Jill's gonna throw it.
And I need you to throw it too.
I'm going to put Lauren on the team too.
But I'm not going to tell her to throw it.
I know you trust her. I'm not there yet.
Yeah. What's the Plan B?
There is no Plan B.
I'm really hoping Plan A works.
If Plan A works
Then we can get him out of here.
It sucks to be in this position.
I feel like I want to try to play honest,
like, honestly, with everybody,
but if I go against Da'Vonne,
I can be the next one.
And that can't happen.
I've never in this game
Up until this point,
asked you to trust me.
Can you do this?
-Okay.
-[sighs]
-You're fine.
-Are you sure? Okay.
-I promise, you're fine.
-Okay. Okay, okay.
[sighs] At this point,
it's very hard to trust.
I'm a person who, when I give my trust
to someone, it's 100%.
And I want to believe
what I'm hearing, but
who knows?
[disco music]
[goat bleats]
Whoo!
[Kristen]
So, we all walk out the front door,
and it looks like an obstacle course
of some kind.
But I don't see Tosh.
-[Daniel] Whoa!
-[Wendell] Ah, hell, here comes Daniel.
[contestants cheer]
[grunts]
-Oh!
-Oh, no.
That's fine. That's fine. That's fine.
Hello, herd!
My carbon footprint is fabulous!
What do you think,
am I showing too much cleavage?
[laughs, cheers]
All right, it's time for
your third elimination challenge.
This episode,
we're celebrating talent shows.
And reminder, only the losing team
is up for elimination tonight.
Da'Vonne, you won the talent show
because someone had to.
[laughs]
Which makes you the GOAT!
-[cheers]
-[Daniel] Come on up!
Da'Vonne, who's your first pick?
-[Da'Vonne] Pao.
-[cheers and applause]
[Da'Vonne]
I want my team to lose today.
That way, I can have
the pick of the litter.
And by the pick of the litter,
I mean Justin.
[Daniel]
Your next pick?
Jill.
[cheers and applause]
Lauren.
CJ.
[Daniel]
CJ.
CJ's not in on the plan.
Lauren is not in on the plan.
-Let's dance. Justin.
-[cheers and applause]
Justin is not in on the plan.
I want him gone.
Day says, "Justin, let's dance."
After last night, I'm a little surprised.
But I'm happy I'm on this team.
And I needed this today.
She needed this today.
Now, you're not alone
if you think this challenge
is very loosely based on dance.
[laughs]
This game will be played
in head-to-head fashion.
One person from each team
will do ten spins in the same direction
on the dizzy mic.
Ah.
[Daniel]
Then, you'll run through the course.
The first to hit the dance floor
and strike a pose
scores a point for their team.
The team with the most points
will be safe from elimination tonight.
Pick your order
and head to the start line.
So
Da'Vonne came with a plan, but the idea
is to practically sabotage our winning.
It's scary, it's very scary,
'cause if we lose,
it could be me.
So, am I happy with that? No!
But I'm gonna stick to the plan.
And I just want to save my ass. I want
to last a little bit longer in here.
two, three, super fly!
Disco!
Okay, Justin and Joe, it's time to see
who's got the best moves!
-[cheers and applause]
-Let's go, Joe!
-Wait, what happened to the wig, Joe?
-[Joe] Had to get rid of it.
[Daniel] God damn it, Joe.
Ready, set, goat!
Go, Joe. Take your time, Joe.
Slow and steady. You got it, Joe.
Stay calm. Keep your head connected.
-Go, go, go!
-Ten!
[cheering]
You got it!
-You got it!
-Oh, no!
You got it, Joe! Yeah!
Yes! We love you!
Joe is the winner! He scores a point
for the orange team!
Wow!
CJ and Teck!
Ready, set, goat.
-There you go, baby!
-One
One
Is Teck trying to trick his body
into not getting dizzy
by going around and then
going back the other way?
Obviously, somebody
wasn't paying attention to the directions.
Loophole, mother-[bleep]!
We're gonna get in trouble
for that one.
Loophole, mother
Loophole! Loophole!
Loophole!
[buzzer]
You got it! Look gorgeous!
Come on, strike it! Yeah!
Um, sorry, Teck, you were disqualified
for violating the rules.
CJ is the winner!
[cheering and applause]
[Daniel]
Lauren and Jason. Goat!
-Go, Lauren.
-You got it, Jason. One
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Go! You got it wrong way!
Honey, I just spin around
this big microphone thing for ten times.
Listen, I'm more dizzier than a dog
that was chasin' his own tail.
There you go! Now she's got her bearings!
Oh, there's she's cruising!
There's she's cruising!
Go, Lauren!
I'm looking over at Lauren
and we're, like, neck and neck.
I'm going through the tires,
and then, all of a sudden
[slow motion]
Oh, my Lord! Honey!
Come on, Lauren! Go, Lauren! Go!
Shit!
[Daniel]
Oh, strike a pose! Oh! Oh!
Lauren!
[Daniel]
Lauren is the winner!
Two for the purple team,
one for the orange.
Oh
[Lauren]
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
I felt like I was on the football field.
Like, the Heisman trophy, baby!
[Da'Vonne] I'm on pins and needles
because I need my plan to work,
and right now, you in my way.
Next up, Pao and Wendell!
I need to make myself, like,
fall a lot in this,
because that's the plan,
I need to stick with the plan.
[Da'Vonne]
Y'all, pray for your girl,
'cause if this plan don't work,
I might be in some trouble.
Ready, set, goat.
Go! Let's go!
One
[Wendell]
Oh, man! I'm dizzy already!
[Paola]
Shit, I'm getting dizzy!
Ohh
Big box, big box, big box!
Ohh [laughing]
Okay, you got it. Two more.
[laughing]
[Daniel]
Slow down. Make, uh slow Oh, no.
-Big box.
-You got it!
Go, go, go!
Oh, do it in style. Now, strut!
Ah!
[Daniel]
Now, strut! Oh, now he's gonna strut!
Oh! Look at him go!
Ah, yes! Ah, yes!
Wow! That wasn't close.
Wendell is the winner.
He scores a point for the orange.
Two - two.
No!
You don't deserve my high-five.
[Wendell]
Damn, Pao!
Sorry.
That's okay, baby.
You did the best you can, boo.
-I'm here. I'm here.
-Good job, man.
-[Paola] Sorry.
-It's all right. It's okay.
I don't know if you've seen Day lose
before, but she doesn't take it well.
Go! I'm so mad.
She took it so well!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay, baby.
[CJ]
I feel like she doesn't care at all.
I think this might be rigged.
Next up, Jill and Reza.
A battle as old as time.
Let's go, Jill, let's go!
Let's go, Jill!
Okay, I'm ready.
I was a professional ice skater
when I was a kid.
I could spin a hundred times
and not get dizzy.
And I'm gonna have to throw this thing.
[Daniel]
Ready, set, goat!
Okay, go.
Whoo! Jesus Christ!
[Daniel]
Uh-oh, Rez is down.
Okay, Jill, go left!
[Daniel] That's how Jill walks. So, it's
hard to know if she's dizzy or not.
Come on, Reza. Come on, Reza.
[Daniel]
Okay. Let's go! Double time!
Yeah!
It's a good pose. That's a good pose.
Jill! Way to go, Jill!
Reza is the winner.
He scores a point for orange.
You got it. You got it. You got it.
Last up, Da'Vonne and Kristen!
-[cheers and applause]
-[Jason] Come on, Kristen, girl!
If Kristen wins, the orange team takes it.
Here I go. It's me and Kristen.
I'm gonna fall on the ground,
fall into the blocks.
Get my award ready.
She wants her Oscar.
Ready, set, goat!
-Let's go, Kristen!
-Go, Kristen!
You got it. Go, Kristen!
Oh, there goes down Da'Vonne.
Come on, Day, get up!
This is not Love is Blind, but apparently
Da'Vonne thought I was blind.
We can see you not runnin', sis.
We can see you!
This is a reality show. The only person
you're not supposed to be able to trust
-is the producers.
-[goat bleats]
-Go!
-Go, Kristen!
Oh, my goodness! Too close to call!
Too close to call!
Just kidding, it was easy.
I know who won.
Congratulations, the orange team!
You are the winners!
That means you're safe.
Jill, Pao, Lauren, CJ and Justin.
One of you will be leaving the cast.
-Now, go inside and have a good night.
-[Reza] Thank you.
See you at the ultimation.
I'm probably the vote for tonight.
People are threatened by me.
'Cause if I didn't have a target
on my back, I would feel like
people don't see me,
see what I'm about.
And I'm not trying to be
nobody's weak sauce.
[Da'Vonne]
I have never been this happy to lose.
I had a plan. My plan was successful.
We got it.
Justin's open for elimination.
Good job, Da'Vonne.
[producer] Wait, do you think people
actually believed your performance?
Yeah.
Day?
What's up?
Where we goin' tonight?
Let's have a moment of honesty, 'kay?
If it come to a tie, I'm tellin' y'all,
I'll send Justin out.
I don't like the way
he spoke to me the other night.
Everything for you is a game. Day,
put the game aside and be a human.
Good luck with your game.
I hope you win.
Wow.
I obviously want Justin to stay.
You know, the gays and Wendell
are really tight.
I don't want him to go home.
-Okay?
-Yeah, absolutely.
And I'm telling y'all that
because I'm trying to being honest.
I don't want no sneak stuff
behind y'all back.
I trust everybody sitting at this table.
That's why I'm being perfectly honest.
[Wendell] I've been working with Da'Vonne.
That's my CBS family.
She is a great strategist.
But we gotta save our man, Justin.
We got to, that's my roommate.
So, my plan is to talk to Da'Vonne,
get on the same page.
I'm just literally saying,
I know that you have a vendetta.
I know that you feel some type of way
about him. The fact of the matter is
y'all want him. We don't want him.
So, who else can we go for?
Who?
Lauren?
No, Wendell.
I'm just asking.
No.
Lauren is an incredible, incredible woman.
But she's kind of a floater
and it's an easy target.
No.
All right, well
Y'all vote y'all way.
We vote our way.
That's another option.
I'm okay with that.
I think he wants to work with somebody
who wants to do what he wants to do.
And I'm just not that girl.
I have a plan in motion.
All of the girls
are gonna vote for Justin,
and if it comes down to a tie,
he's outta here.
I get to break the tie and send home
who the fuck I want to.
And if you can't get with that, then
[scoffs]
-[Wendell] Jason, please, come with.
-[Jason] I'm comin', honey.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
If I want to save Justin tonight,
we have to do something.
So now, we're forced to be
in self-preservation mode.
-Okay
-Sit down.
I think our only option to save Justin
is to shift the votes.
We get six votes for the guys,
going for someone else. I say Lauren.
-Cool. I'm very cool with it.
-[Wendell] If y'all are cool with it.
I'm good with it.
All right.
We're making a big move tonight.
I hope my plan actually works
'cause Da'Vonne is not gonna be happy
with me.
Have a seat, if you don't mind.
I've been meaning to talk to you.
If I could propose something to you that
you keep, like, totally in confidence.
-Okay.
-To save Justin tonight.
Would you be willing
to write down Lauren's name?
I don't know how
this cookie is gonna crumble.
He's putting me
in an impossible situation.
I'm in a trifecta with Lauren.
If I betray their alliance,
everything will fall apart.
The girls' alliance
would just be shattered.
This is crazy.
If we can get all the guys, plus you,
to vote for Lauren,
that's the majority.
Lauren will go home
and Justin will be here.
[sighs] I do not want to be this invested
in a show called The GOAT.
[upbeat music]
I feel terrible. I like Justin.
It has nothing to do with him personally.
It has to do with the fact
that I made a pact with Da'Vonne.
And we have a girls alliance.
And if I break that, it's doomsday for me.
[intense music]
[bell dings]
[whispers] Lauren.
-[bell dings]
-[whispers] Justin.
[bell dinging]
-[whispers] Lauren.
-[bell dings]
-I am so sorry.
-[bell dings]
[CJ] This is for sure the hardest
elimination I've had to do.
I don't like that my back's
been pushed against the wall.
Okay, buddy.
-[pops]
-[goat bleats]
[intense music]
[sing-song]
Here they come, here they come.
Look at them coming down the stairs.
Someone fall, someone fall.
But not too hard, just a little.
A stumble? Can I get a stumble?
Da'Vonne, your throne.
[Da'Vonne]
Hell yeah.
Welcome! It's hard to believe
this is only our third ultimation.
It's been a wild third episode
of The GOAT.
William Hung joined us
for the longest afternoon of my life.
Everyone that lives in this neighborhood
heard about Teck's loophole.
[laughs]
And I had a make-out sesh with Jill.
When?
But I don't think they'll show it.
Let's get to the votes.
The first vote is for
Justin.
[bell dings]
The second vote is for Justin.
[bell dings]
This ain't my first time at the rodeo.
When my team didn't prevail, I just knew
the girls would be voting for me.
The next vote Justin.
[bell dings]
Fourth vote, Justin.
[bell dings]
Next vote, Justin.
[bell dings]
Justin, that's five votes.
Two more and you will be eliminated.
The next vote
is for Lauren.
[bell dings]
The next vote
-Lauren.
-[bell dings]
[Lauren] Wow. This house
is extremely untrustworthy.
Everybody's lying,
no one's telling the truth.
People are telling half-truths.
I don't feel safe.
[Daniel]
The next vote
-Lauren.
-[bell dings]
[mouths]
What the
The next vote
-is for Lauren.
-[bell dings]
Next vote
-Lauren.
-[bell dings]
That's five votes for Lauren,
five votes for Justin.
-Next vote is for Lauren.
-[bell dings]
We have one vote left.
If it's for Justin, we will have a tie.
And as the GOAT,
Da'Vonne will cast the deciding vote.
If it's for Lauren,
she will be eliminated.
The final vote
is for Lauren.
[bell dings]
The shit didn't work.
The player got played.
I got got The GOAT got got.
I'm shocked as hell!
you, Wendell.
You backstabbing, dirty dog.
I'm gonna get you.
You guys are f- unbelievable.
[Wendell] Oh, man,
that couldn't have gone any better.
We kind of schooled Da'Vonne
to the blindside game.
But jeez, I hate it had to be Lauren.
All of you are untrustworthy.
I am in shock
just listening to Lauren's name,
'cause she was never in the picture.
She was not supposed to be
in that situation.
If it wasn't because
the decision that Da'Vonne made,
and I feel like I was stupid
and he played it.
But I am not going to fall for this shit
ever again.
Lauren, I'm sorry,
you're exiled from GOAT Manor.
You're not the greatest reality contestant
of all time.
Do you have anything
that you'd like to say before leaving?
Wow! Um, just watch your backs,
Day in particular.
If I was y'all,
I'd definitely vote her off next.
I voted Justin out.
Well, someone's lying.
There's clearly a mole in the house.
It's CJ, baby. Lauren, it's CJ.
I am so happy to have been here
with all of you.
-[Kristen] Lauren, it's CJ and the boys.
-[Lauren] I love you.
There's a liar amongst you guys.
Be careful.
-God bless.
-Thank you.
Happy to have met you all.
Love y'all.
-It was all the guys and CJ.
-Love you, Lauren.
Tonight, it hurt,
but you can't trust anybody
because this house is crazy!
It's cutthroat. People are doing whatever
they need to stay in the house longer.
And that's just not me.
That's not what I stand for.
So, I feel like I came here,
I represented me.
[goat bleats slowly]
So, okay Lauren, out.
You guys are not trustworthy.
She threw a challenge.
And everyone knew.
-Why would you do that, though?
-Because I wanted you out.
Here I am thinking we were
really playing a challenge
[Da'Vonne] She was trying to protect me
because you two wanted me out.
This is a game. Do you not realize you're
playing a game? This is a game!
I could go. I have a very successful,
happy life.
Hey, where'd our host go?
I'm good. We could bring her back.
-[Da'Vonne] It's a game.
-No.
-Justin, you're in. We love you.
-Kristen, Kristen
You don't love anybody but the bottle.
-What?
-Wow! That's low. That's low.
Fuck you!
-Fuck you! You barely fucking know me!
-This isn't the reunion, guys.
Justin hit a low blow. I mean,
that was nasty Housewives shit.
you. I'm done. I'm out.
That's not this kind of game, dude!
That's the game you're playing.
No, it's the game you're playing!
I don't hurt people's feelings.
[Da'Vonne] I really like Kristen.
She's a little out of control.
But she didn't deserve that.
[Kristen]
Y'all are disgusting.
Justin is going for the jugular
which is just
so season one of Vanderpump Rules.
If you want me to go Vanderpump,
de-mic me.
Y'all crossed me for that?
Can we go, please? I'm done.
You know what? Day, here,
you can have it.
What the What the
Things are crazy in GOAT Manor.
People are starting to lose it.
What the Oh, my God.
Lauren was never in the picture!
She was never in the picture!
-This is so up!
-How did that happen?
I'd rather throw myself out
and keep Lauren here.
Lauren can stay.
I want to remove myself.
-Get the out of here!
-[Justin] Lauren can stay.
You're rude, you're hurtful
and you're unkind. Go.
-That bitch. Such a fucking bitch.
-She sold out.
[mimics]
I don't want to be with
I don't want my fans to think
that I'm a
[Jason]
Don't, no. Reza, don't.
CJ, that bitch!
That little bitch! We trusted her.
Lauren thinks she went home
because of Day.
And the truth of the matter is,
the boys got CJ to vote Lauren out.
What a bitch!
She better go sleep with the guys
up there!
-[Wendell] Are you okay?
-I can't sleep in that room.
You all the girls' side.
You are no girl power!
You're a sell out!
-That bitch
-[Kristen] That bitch can
Let's go.
[Reza laughing]
You guys
they're talking about you.
Don't go in there.
They're talking about girl power.
Don't go in there.
Let's go upstairs.
-Okay.
-Come on.
I've gone to the gays.
I knew it would happen.
Which one's my bed?
[Justin]
I cannot stay here for this.
Oh, no! After what I just No!
The last thing I am is gonna be
fightin' with this girl.
I have diarrhea. You cannot do this.
I've taken Pepto and Alka-Seltzer.
You cannot do this to me.
I just shot myself
so hard in the foot for you.
If I hadn't voted the way I voted,
she'd have all the power in the house
'cause all the girls listen to her.
The power is shifted. It just shifted.
[CJ] I feel really bad
about tonight's elimination,
but I know that none of the girls
wanted to vote for Justin.
So, what I did was
in everyone's best interest.
'Cause Day would be running everybody
if the women were outnumbering the men.
And will I get eliminated next week?
I mean, probably!
But I say I have to take a shot
at changing the dynamic.
"There's no one else I would vote out."
That is exactly
[Reza] I didn't say there's no one else
I would vote out.
Da'Vonne was really feeling herself,
and I love Da'Vonne.
But I've learned in these games,
as soon as you get cocky,
you get chopped.
[Kristen] But why Lauren?
Shit didn't work. And so now,
I don't trust nobody inside of this house.
So, moving forward, y'all won't be able
to keep me out that damn GOAT chair.
And then, Wendell
I'm gonna murder you.
[Daniel]
On the next episode of The GOAT.
[Reza] I want to break
this GOAT girl winning cycle.
We need big dick GOAT energy
in the house.
[Daniel] All of these balloons
are filled with goo.
If you pop a pussy one, you're out.
Ah! He needs windshield wipers!
I apologize for making the best move
for my people.
-I thought I was your people. Okay.
-You are my people.
I'm realizing more and more
how full of shit he actually is.
Only a fool would trust Wendell.