The Goop Lab (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

When I started goop in 2008, I was like, "My calling is something else besides, you know, making out with Matt Damon on screen or whatever.
" And now, it's this modern lifestyle brand.
To me, it's all laddering up to one thing, which is optimization of self.
Like, we're here one time, one life.
Like, how can we really, like, milk the shit out of this? You have a hundred needles in your face, Elise.
Just another day at the office.
The opportunity that we have with the goop lab, is that, as a company, we can go out in different groups and go on a much deeper dive into some of these topics that our readers are curious about.
This is gonna be my first experience - with mushrooms.
- Oh! You have to let go of your ego.
So what happens in a workshop? Everyone gets off.
What the fuck are you doing to people? We get to explore, like, "Is this real? Do we feel better?" And grapple with some topics that are hard and embarrassing or shameful.
Isn't that beautiful? Relax.
That was, like, next level shit.
So, are you guys ready to go out in the field - and make a ruckus? - Yeah.
You can handle it, right? Hand over hand.
You want to focus on your breathing.
You want to focus on the sensation in your vulva, and you want to focus on your body's movement.
Orgasms don't drop down from heaven.
For men, it does drop out of the sky, and for women, it's a different, much different experience.
I would imagine a vast majority of women have experienced shame around their own pleasure.
I was feeling weird even letting the person, like my partner, touch me during sex.
It's really about the connection you have with yourself.
I have never done the whole mirror, what's happening down there.
You've never seen yourself? - No.
- Come over here.
- We teach women how to orgasm.
- Wow.
- So, could you flip over my hand? - Yeah.
Say what you need.
That's very, very hard for women.
We have to have self to be able to take control.
So, have a healthy sexual relationship with yourself, so that you're coming to your sexual partner as an active participant in your sexual experience.
- To say what they want.
- We used to say that a woman had to learn how to "run the fuck.
" Wow.
And if you can't say it, you're in trouble.
"Run the fuck.
" - Are you blushing? - Yes.
Okay.
- Are you ready to talk about vaginas? - I'll run.
- It's our favorite subject.
- Who? Vaginas! The vagina's the birth canal only.
You want to talk about the vulva, which is the clitoris and the inner lips and all that good shit around it.
- The vagina is only the birth canal? - Birth canal.
Oh.
See, I'm getting an anatomy lesson that I didn't I thought the vagina was the whole No, no, no.
That's why Betty's focus has always been on vulva.
That's everything that makes you feel good, so that's her pet peeve with vulva versus vagina.
How long have you been doing this work? Forever.
I mean, I'm already 90.
So, what happens in a workshop? Everyone gets off.
We answer the door naked, 'cause I want them to know I'm being vulnerable 'cause I'm asking you to be vulnerable.
And then we get naked and we sit in a circle.
Sign me up.
Sign me out.
Like, naked in a room with a bunch of women? I don't know if I have the guts.
There's no judgment.
It's acceptance of our bodies.
And what you'll see is when you look around the room everyone's beautiful.
Yeah.
Shame, I think pervades so much of our sexuality.
I can't think of anything more demanding you to be shame-free than sitting naked in a room with other women.
All of that goes away immediately.
- Right.
- It really does.
I have days when I go, "Ugh.
The skin doesn't fit.
It's all blotchy.
I got all these bruises.
" I could carry on and on and on.
I can walk.
I can talk.
I can see.
I still can have orgasms, so why would I want to complain about a wrinkle or whatever? I kind of want to do this.
I dare you to do it.
I might do it.
I might show up.
That would be great.
Put a group together here and I'll come back and lead one.
- Uh-oh.
It's an HR crisis.
- Should we do it? So, how important do you think it is for women clothed, unclothed to be having these conversations? I think it's everything.
I mean, sisterhood, I can't imagine Not being able to talk.
Not being able to be with a group of women a couple of times of the year, just to recharge and just to connect.
I mean, there's something so powerful about it.
- And healing at the same time.
- Yeah.
A group of goop staffers did a different workshop, fully clothed, where they explored being in their bodies, learning how to ask for what they want and need.
Oh, amazing.
I wanted to take part in this workshop because I'm married, and it's wonderful, but I think intimacy is hard, even when you love someone and you're really close.
Sex education for me was me learning from encyclopedias and learning through rumors.
Even when I started to come into my own as a woman, I still didn't have any education about pleasure.
We have a long way to go, and I think starting to talk about this is the right way to do it.
Welcome, everybody.
I'm super excited that you're here today and that you're gonna prioritize your pleasure and your sensuality and your connection with yourself.
Let's share what our biggest challenge is in the realm of sexuality, body, self, sex shame I would like to feel more sensual just in general and have it not be contingent on compliments and other people and the perception of what sexy and sensual is.
Similar to Megan, I would really like to feel sensual at work or when I'm cooking or when I'm being creative.
Some days I feel like a blob.
I feel like, you know, this, that.
And for me, it's very much associated with my body.
Okay, so there's some body shame.
Exactly, like, if I ran that morning or I didn't, or you know, something like that or my clothes aren't fitting like I want it to.
Do you feel like you have to earn - having a positive body image? - Exactly.
- Okay.
- I think 100% for me.
We feel ashamed to, like, talk about women having sexual needs and wants and things like that, and you don't talk about it with your friends.
No one talks about it in school, about pleasure just in general.
So, you don't learn about it, and you grow up thinking it's something that you keep in, and you keep it to yourself.
In the long run, you don't end up sharing that with your partner, who you want to experience that with.
So then it just gets locked in, closed up Hi, ladies.
I'm Lexi.
When I first heard that goop was doing this episode about female pleasure, I was like, "I have to participate in it," because I have personally struggled with sexual wellness.
I grew up in Shanghai, where sex wasn't talked about, and I have never really talked to my parents about sex or my sexuality, being a gay woman, so I didn't really know what sex was.
goop is such a safe environment for me to explore my sexual wellness, and goop has been very supportive of this topic as well.
In my past relationships with other women, I was the one who was mostly giving in the sexual relationship.
I was feeling weird even letting my partner touch me during sex, or even I was like, "I want to turn the light off.
" I don't want the light on.
I just feel a little bit of disconnect with my body, and I feel like I think I want to be able to receive.
You have all earned the right to feel good in your body and to feel sensual.
There is absolutely nothing that you need to do to earn that.
You can work out 'cause you feel strong.
Yeah.
That needs to be very separate from the way you see yourself.
So many of us women are caught in this paradigm that we have to look a certain way and, you know, we're so critical of ourselves.
It's funny 'cause I'm not critical of another woman's body, but I'm so critical of my own body.
That's true for, like, every woman.
For hundreds of years, men have been painting, sculpting and photographing women, and the second you put a camera in her hand, it becomes vain, because people are uncomfortable when you say, "I feel beautiful.
" So, let's get into our sensual vibes and then we're gonna take our portraits together.
- Yeah.
- Awesome! Are you ready? - Yeah.
I think so.
- Okay.
So, this is a time for you to just express yourself however you want.
Sensual self-portraits are a visual representation of your sexual relationship with yourself.
It's important to be in charge of how you feel as a sensual creature.
Three, two, one, beautiful.
I've been through some body issues, and I have struggled to put myself out there and share my own body.
Oh, my God, you look so strong! You look like you're fierce, like you're about to start running.
I just want to be me.
I just wanna be happy and do what I want to do.
Love it.
Which is your favorite one, do you think? - I like all of 'em.
- Yay! I love it.
This is, like, the most authentic self.
I enjoy working out.
I love boxing Yeah, it makes me feel more confident, sexier, more sensual, like I'm taking care of myself, like, having fun too at the same time.
It's beautiful.
I wonder how much disassociation you guys see of women from their bodies.
Oh, complete Yes.
And in the female genitals.
You hear the same stories, and it's always like, you know, "I'm dirty down there.
" There is always this genital shame that happens when Wow.
Why? Where do we get that? The culture.
Think of all the nicknames, "pussy, snatch.
" - It's not very positive.
- Right.
Even just the language by itself.
My boy turned 13 yesterday.
You know, when I think about the access he has to pornography, like the way that women are portrayed in pornography.
Yeah, the women lie there, and they have a certain look, and their genitals are surgically altered.
Really? Most women have dangling inner lips - and what they do is they cut the labia.
- Oh, my God.
- And they bleach everything pink.
- I've never heard this before.
So, everyone looks like a baby doll.
They look like a teen girl.
Like a Barbie.
That's why women come in and they're like, "There's something wrong.
I have dark inner lips," or "they're not symmetrical.
" I had the good fortune to have a very curious, intelligent lover, and he wanted to look at me, and I went, "Oh, no, I'd rather you wouldn't.
" He said, "Why not?" And I said, "I'm deformed.
" I was a grown woman thinking I was sexually deformed that my vulva had these long inner lips.
I didn't think it was normal.
And he said, "Honey, you're perfectly normal.
" And he went and got these books that he used to masturbate to.
And he pointed.
He said, "There's one like you, and another Oh, and there's another one.
" So, it was such a revelation to me.
And so, from that day on, my sex life improved.
I didn't feel the shame, and shame is a killer of pleasure.
So, that's when I started doing the workshops.
And I realized women didn't know their own body.
We don't have many examples of what a real vagina vulva.
Excuse me, pardon me.
Vulva, vulva, vulva.
- Very good.
- Thank you.
- What it looks like.
- No.
The theory of the workshop, it's to get women, first vulnerable - Yes.
- Comfortable in their body, - comfortable with their vulva.
- Mm-hmm.
It's gonna be hard to try that word on - and use it.
- I know.
Vulva.
Vulva, vulva.
So I think the most important ritual on day one is genital show and tell.
And I think if you say, "Okay, I'm gonna sit next to Betty Dodson, and I'm gonna look at my vulva, and everyone else is gonna look, and you think, "Oh, my God.
" - What could be scarier than that? - Right.
So now we're sitting with our genitals exposed.
No more hiding, no more shame, no more guilt.
This is our power spot.
Come on, this is the next generation comes from us.
Thinking about the people who are watching the show wondering, "Are they gonna show the vulva?" Like, is this gonna happen? And you think about the discomfort that's going to start swelling in people's bodies at just the mere - I think even that - The thought of it.
It's just terrifying to people.
And then to get through that.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So, now we're gonna look at it under the light.
Get a good shot.
Oh, perfect.
Isn't that beautiful? It is.
What we're talking about is this deep resistance we have to - our own genitalia, culturally speaking.
- Yeah.
It is really time for that to change.
You've looked before.
I have.
- You have to be able to see it.
- Right.
That's the whole point.
Why can't we see it? - We see penises all the time.
- Right.
- We sure do.
- Yeah, seriously.
See the shape and see the form.
Wonderful.
So, I do groom a little.
What's so interesting here is that you've got this pattern.
It's like an arrow, like This is my clitoral hood and my clitoris isn't super big.
- It's the glans.
- There's the glans right there.
- Oh.
- Mmm.
That's where it's all taking place, kid.
But you'd have to show more than one, because if you only showed one, that would become the one.
We'd all imitate it.
Shana, start filming more vulvas.
- Yeah.
- On it! So you need to show a variety.
Yeah, to see that image In that moment, you know you're not alone.
There's nothing wrong with you.
How healing is that? 'Cause you can go, "Oh, that looks like mine.
" - Yeah.
- We always think there's something wrong.
- Hmm.
- So they get to find out that, indeed, their vulva's perfect, and they're all different.
- But it's one thing just to look.
- Right.
But it's also about being knowledgeable about your body.
And then beyond that, with the connection to pleasure, is the workshop teaching women how to have an orgasm because they don't Yeah, how to stimulate themselves.
We always say with the workshops, "You're together, but alone.
" So you're supported, you're in a safe environment, and this is really about making it fun and playful.
You know, too often when we're having any kind of sex experience, - it's always so serious for women.
- Mm-hmm.
You're always worried about so many things.
Right.
Men have been fed this lie that women should just be able to get there or that it should be easier, that it doesn't require work.
That can be shocking for a lot of women, that orgasm is work.
We hear that a lot.
- "I should just orgasm, it's natural.
" - Yeah.
And I think women have probably fed that by performing potentially in a fake way.
Right.
Do you guys know what performative receiving is? No.
Something that usually only women do.
It is a way that you either accentuate or completely fake your pleasure, and I'm not talking about faking your orgasms, and if anyone does that, please this is the last day that you've ever done that in your entire life.
It is like leaving a breadcrumb trail to your partner of what doesn't turn you on.
And it's okay to not have an orgasm every time.
Instead, we can have a really lovely conversation.
"Yes, this part felt really good.
I would love to experience you doing more of that.
This other part, mmm, maybe not so much.
" Which is why we're gonna do our next exercise, which is massage.
You can choose hand or feet.
You're gonna communicate what you like and you're gonna negotiate consent.
It smells so good.
I like when you pull down on my fingers and open my joints.
I think it feels really good on my joints.
- I'm gonna do one by one.
- Yeah, like that.
And in a sexual context, you could say something along the lines of, "That last move you were doing, or that last technique was feeling really good.
Could we go back to that?" Would you like a hand massage? Yeah, let's do hands.
I'm very ticklish.
I might need a little bit more oil.
That's beautiful.
Good communication.
We can't receive pleasure that we don't ask for.
Does it feel as good on the top like this as on the sides? - I like the top.
Yeah.
- Like this one, okay.
Just being in sex and thinking to yourself, "Oh, I wish my partner was doing X, Y, Z," is not gonna make your partner do X, Y, Z.
They can't read your mind.
It is so vitally important that you communicate your needs.
We can do this in such a loving way.
You guys are modeling it so beautifully.
The massage exercise was was pretty awesome because it doesn't seem so crazy or important, but you realize that to get the result you want, you actually have to say something.
There's no magic person in the world who knows what you want and who can read your mind.
So it's just, it's good food for thought.
- Thanks, Lexi.
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
My hands feel so much better.
- Namaste.
Besides not knowing our bodies, which I am absolutely guilty of, I have never really done the whole mirror, what's happening down there.
You've never seen yourself? No.
Come over here.
I'm wearing a skirt.
But I think that I also have done work to understand that I deserve pleasure, and that pleasure is not shameful.
Do you feel like you deserve pleasure? The idea that women inherently deserve pleasure, I feel like I'm just, at 46 years old, - starting to knit that together.
- Mm-hmm.
But I think I was very much raised in an era where it was very much about the guy and trying to look good for the guy and do what the guy wanted, like be the cool girl, you know, that Well, and now you're you've always since you were 18, been a universal sex symbol.
Well.
But you have to live up to that in the bedroom, I'm sure, yeah.
Which is so it must be the weirdest experience.
I think that I shut that out.
'Cause it's a fiction, right? It's all a projection.
It's really nothing to do with me or the quality of who I am or the good things about me or the bad things about me or my own sexuality.
It's like, it's all a projection.
So, I feel very almost divorced - from having that kind of pressure.
- Mm-hmm.
But maybe when I was younger, I probably did.
Yeah.
We've been talking a lot about vulnerability, intimacy.
It's so much more comfortable for people to disconnect than it is to connect.
So, we're gonna do some eye gazing.
This is a no talking exercise.
It's really important that you don't talk.
We're gonna be looking into each other's left eye.
Your left side is your feminine.
It's your receiving.
If you need to laugh, if you need to cry, you can let it out as long as it's not talking.
Let's get started.
How did that feel for everybody? - Um - It was weird.
- I don't know why I cried.
- It was weird? It was hard.
It's hard to look at someone in the eye.
- You feel exposed, and you want to laugh.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you just It's uncomfortable.
Just that really being seen that deeply.
Yeah.
- I don't know why I feel emotional.
- You weren't sad.
- You were just emotional.
- I wasn't sad.
No, it wasn't a sad moment, and I didn't want you to freak out or anything as I was looking.
I was like, "What is she feeling?" But that made me feel more connected to you, 'cause, like, I had empathy for you.
In my mind, I was telling you it's okay to, like, let it out and, like, just Yeah, it was it was great.
Some of the activities at Belle's workshop were very uncomfortable to me, but it did make me realize how important it is to be vulnerable, be out of my comfort zone, to communicate and practice with my partner in different ways to enhance our intimacy, even if I feel awkward sometimes.
I love how you said the sort of discomfort of not knowing how she was feeling.
It's really nice to be comfortable in the discomfort of not knowing how our partners or our friends or our parents feel.
And reassuring yourself that you're rock solid in who you are and how you feel.
I think I got some really great takeaways on how to communicate with my partner from the workshop, and now I think I need to figure out my own body and what makes me feel good.
So, I asked goop if I could go visit Betty Dodson in New York City.
So I heard that Lexi, one of our star employees, came to you.
What was her experience? When she came in, she was definitely shaking like a leaf.
Yeah.
Hello.
Lexi.
- Hi, Carlin.
- You made it.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- It's a pleasure.
Thank you for coming.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
- Betty.
- Hello.
Legendary Betty Dodson.
- You're a tall girl.
- Hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
Now I've been seeing you guys on YouTube, so I'm like very yeah, it's an honor.
It's an honor to meet you guys in person.
When I first heard goop was going to do the docu-series on this topic, sexuality and female pleasure, that's a topic I was more interested in.
I grew up in Shanghai.
When I grew up, it's not even okay to like openly talk about sex, for girls especially, and it's not okay to be, like, sexual.
I don't think I explore my body that much.
I feel like it was shameful to talk about, even.
Now I'm on camera talking about it in front of millions of people, which is great.
- Liberated.
- Exactly.
That's my journey.
I want everybody who are like me or who grew up in a more conservative culture or even grew up here You know what, that's everyone, right, Betty? When we have women in the workshops, there's no country in the world that encourages girls to explore themselves and their sexuality.
Doesn't exist.
We shut them down with the beauty myth and the slut stigma - and the virginity myth.
- Right.
Like, it doesn't exist.
Yeah, that's why I'm here.
- And learn how to masturbate.
- Yay! How many different kinds of orgasm are there? Is it true that there are different kinds? Yes.
The tension orgasm.
That's what most people do.
I tense up, and I hold my breath, - and then I cum.
- Right.
Or we call it the "Rock 'n Roll," where you That's Betty's technique.
You're breathing and moving, and you're using your body naturally.
So how does that work? You lie on your back And you rock? Side to side? - Rock.
- You rock your pelvis.
- So basically, your legs, it's like - Pelvis forward.
your feet are on the floor - and your legs are opened.
- Okay.
And you're rocking your pelvis forward and when you come up, you squeeze your PC take a breath and then that's it.
While you're having sex or with a vibrator? With a vibrator, but that will also translate into partner sex.
If you're working that PC, you're gonna get more blood into your sex organ.
What is "working a PC" mean? The pelvic floor muscle.
- You're sitting on it.
- Right.
All right, now lift up release.
- That is the pelvic floor muscle.
- Lift up.
Lift up, squeeze it, then let it go.
- Squeeze and release.
- Okay.
I'm doing it.
Get with the program.
Elise has a full Kegel workout in her routine.
I'm working it right now.
And remember, it's supposed to be fun - Yes.
- and playful and feel good.
During erotic recess, we start off with me and Betty, and we demonstrate your Rock 'n Roll orgasm technique, and that's where we show you how to combine clitoral stimulation - with vaginal penetration.
- And the rocking.
So this is your internal clitoris.
- A beautiful sex organ.
- Oh, my God.
This would be your clitoral glans.
Mm-hmm.
And that's the little clit that you see on the outside.
That's what most people are touching that they say is sensitive, but you have an internal clitoral system.
It's very complex.
These are the legs of the clitoris, the bulbs of the clitoris.
We have as much erectile tissue as men.
We just have internal erections.
Your clitoral glans has 8,000 nerve endings.
More than a penis.
You're gonna be working your PC, getting blood in there, then you'll have your vibrator on your clit.
You're breathing, you're rocking your pelvis.
It's a workout, but once you get going, it's gonna take what, 20 to 40 minutes for most women? Well, you can pop right off immediately.
So you learn to stretch it out - 'cause the longer you have a build up, - Mm-hmm.
- the bigger the orgasm.
- Yeah.
Do you think orgasm is important, or do you think it's that sort of Abso-fucking-lutely! Do you wanna go in front of a sneeze and then not sneeze? Mnh-mnh.
It's a natural function of the body.
Do you think that orgasm plays a role in women's health? Absolutely.
This is the Magic Wand.
This does not replace your partner, - male or female, it does not.
- No.
It's an enhancement.
In the beginning, the guy's all - Right.
They're like, "Oh.
" - They think this was for penetration.
Or even women, there are lesbian purists that don't like vibrators.
This is used on the outside for clitoral stimulation.
- What we - Get the barbell.
use for penetration, this is Betty designed this.
It's a pound of medical-grade stainless steel.
It's the vaginal barbell.
So what's nice about it is when you insert it, when you squeeze your pelvic floor muscle, it doesn't shoot out.
It stays.
And what you'll notice and you'll see - is when you flex your muscle - The weight.
The weight holds it in.
It moves.
So, it gives the women a visual that your vagina and your pelvic floor muscle - is a very complicated sex organ.
- Mm-hmm.
It's not just a hole.
So, you always say it's clitoral stimulation with vaginal - Both at the same time.
- Penetration.
- Yes.
- I never wanna stop doing the workshops.
- And here I am this naked, little old lady - And you look 60.
with her vibrator.
Maybe that's how it keeps you young.
That's how, yeah, that's how it works.
- Pleasure can't be bad.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it can't be bad for you.
Do you think that there's almost a responsibility - to show, like, what actually happens - Oh, yeah.
and the beauty of a female orgasm? Yes.
And to see how other women orgasm.
Not the stuff you hear on pornography, not the stuff you see on the Hollywood movies, which is fake and not real.
In porn, men are, like, doing it and women are just cumming, right? - Yes.
- That's the mythology of porn? There's no, like, reference of what a real orgasm looks like out there.
Do you think by being sort of explicit about it, we can help women reframe what that experience is? Yes.
If you could show a real live orgasm, it would be groundbreaking.
You had kind of a one-on-one workshop? Yes, we did a one-on-one with me, and I could see Lexi watching everything in the viewfinder.
And we went through the Rock 'n Roll masturbation technique, and I knew if we were gonna do it, you have to go all the way, right? And you have to have an orgasm, so it's intimidating when you have a crew.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you did it.
- That's amazing.
It's so brave.
- I know! - Somebody had to.
- Right.
Okay, we're gonna do the Rock 'n Roll.
Thank you.
Hand over hand.
- You think of, like, feminism.
- Yeah.
Any time we took a step forward towards equality, it meant someone had to put it on the line.
Always.
Oh, I want you to take hold of it.
Yeah, just put it at the mouth of the vagina, just hold it there.
Take a nice deep breath and then relax.
What is the inherent danger in a woman being integrated with her sexuality? When you're in touch with your body and you love your body and you can give yourself an orgasm, you're independent.
You know who you are.
You know what you want.
We're very dangerous when we're knowledgeable.
Tell me about it.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Grip the muscles, feel the weight.
You got a good strong PC muscle, kid.
Thank you.
Okay, it's all the way in.
- All the way in.
Oh, good.
- Mm-hmm.
You're working the pelvic floor muscle, breathing, rocking, squeezing.
That's it.
I watched the one-on-one body sex coaching session with Betty and Carlin.
That's it.
Let it all go.
Deep breath.
Squeeze.
Release.
I didn't know what to expect, but when I was actually seeing it, it was such a beautiful moment when Betty was coaching Carlin how to do the body movement, those breathing techniques Beautiful.
The biggest thing that I've learned today is that no matter who you are, what culture you grew up in, what country you're from, who you identify yourself as, it's not about you with anyone else around you.
It's about you owning your own body.
You having a healthy, positive relationship with your body.
Owning your own pleasure.
Okay, that was fun.
Beautiful.
Cut.
All right, all right.
You got it? Oh, my God.
Well done.
That was incredible.