The King of the Machos (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

Daring Machos

1
[person] You need to take that little
freak out of the contest, Mr. Mayor.
I mean it, eh?
If a rumor starts spreading
that one of those freak girls
is participating
in The King of the Machos,
San José de las Tunas' reputation
will be ruined, eh?
[scoffs] We're already the state's
last bastion of tradition and values.
[groans]
Dear ladies.
My dearest ladies.
Seriously, you have no reason
to worry about this sort of thing.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
The boy-girl will be kicked out
of the contest in the blink of an eye.
You'll see.
Plus, I've heard that
not even his family wants this.
Don't lose sleep over this sort of thing.
- No, no, no, no.
- That's why Doloritas and I came
to ask you to take this matter
into your own hands.
That's where it gets a bit complicated.
My hands are [groans] tied.
But, uh, are you still interested in the
The abortion campaign?
- [aide] Antiabortion. Antiabortion.
- [Jerónimo] Anti.
[laughs] Antiabortion.
Slightly different, right?
Um, go with Juanito Valdés.
On top of serving you
some delicious coffee,
he'll give you the budget you need.
God bless you. You're a magnanimous man.
Ah.
- [kisses]
- Thank you so much, Mr. Mayor.
- Ladies, please come with me.
- Anything for your grace.
- [Dolores] Thanks.
- Will you come with me, ladies?
- Thanks so much.
- Let's go.
Thanks.
- Excuse me, Mr. Jerónimo.
- [chuckles] Hey.
- [giggling]
- This way, please.
Enough, comadre, control yourself, please.
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
Give me more attitude.
Strike a different pose.
- [Charly] Like this?
- [Antonia] No, no, no, don't smile.
Keep that smile, and you won't get
more than three Insta followers.
- [Charly scoffs]
- Look, put your hands on your belt
like a ladies' man.
Like, "Hey, girls, what do you say?"
Let's see it.
Girls, what do you say?
Charly, I'm positive that if I weren't
your community manager, you'd be sunk.
- I didn't smile.
- Look.
If you're not on social,
you can't be popular.
And if you're not popular,
it's fucking hard to win this contest.
So you gotta listen to me.
Focus, let's see.
- Loosen up. Relax. Shake it out.
- [laughs] Yes, relax, relax.
Okay. Let's see, uh Should I sit?
[chuckles] Um
[shutter clicking]
FIND YOUR DREAM JOB!
Physical Education Teacher
- What are you doing, Son?
- Watching porn, Dad.
- [moaning, panting on laptop]
- Great.
Just save some energy
for tomorrow's tests, okay?
I spoke with the foreman.
After the contest, you'll work with him
so you can learn how to grow agaves.
Who says we can't start
our mescal brand, eh, Son?
Yes, Dad. Thank you very much.
[moaning continues]
Thanks.
[moaning stops]
[Estelita] Oh, comadre,
I hope I'll have enough tomatoes
because with all this contest stuff,
the hostel is packed with guests.
Oh, that's great, comadre.
Hand me that. I'll help you cut.
Thanks.
- [sighs]
- [friend] Oh, comadre,
Berta from the tortilla shop told me
that the ladies from Tunas Frontline
made a huge fuss at the mayor's office.
Why's that?
They wanted him to take Charly
out of the contest.
You know what, comadre?
It's better if you don't tell me.
Hey, since when do you smoke?
Since my daughter became my son.
I'm sure that my Carlota
is just confused, hmm?
You'll see. Soon this will blow over,
and she'll go back to the way she was.
I don't know, Estela.
It's not like a cold
that will go away in three days.
We love Charly a lot,
and Antonia says
that we have to support him.
It's not easy for him.
[coughs]
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.
Give me that. You're slower than a turtle.
[sighs]
And her name is Carlota.
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
- No. I think this one's the best, right?
- Yes. Yes.
- Definitely.
- Oh, natural-born talent.
- [Charly laughs]
- [Antonia gasps]
Charly, you're famous.
No.
No, no, no, what?
Juan, why don't you have a T-shirt
with Charly's face on it?
Who's going to want to buy a T-shirt
with that butch's face on it?
Well, good thing my face
isn't on these crappy shirts.
I'm sure the colors run
after the first wash.
Let's go.
Hey, don't be down about that.
Did you see how crappy
those shirts looked?
Plus, I'm going to make some awesome
ones that are better, Antonia-style.
- Charly's shirts are gonna be the best.
- [chuckles] Antonia,
T-shirts are the last thing I'm worried
about right now, believe me.
You're right.
Right now we have to focus
on the next test.
By the way, did you take
the antacids I gave you?
Who do you think I am?
- Ah
- [laughs]
- You never let me down.
- No.
- Hey, should we take a picture?
- Sure. Sounds good.
WELCOME TO THE BIG EVEN
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
They say that this year they brought
chili peppers from the Yucatán.
They're not those super spicy
habaneros, are they?
- I'm fucking scared, dude.
- [clicks tongue]
Don't be a wuss.
How spicy could they be, dumbass?
Don't be fags. Stop whining.
- Fuck off.
- Don't mess with me, bro.
- Grow some balls.
- [Víctor] Welcome, residents of Tunas,
to the second stage
of The King of the Machos contest.
In this stage's first test,
the macho hopefuls will have to eat
as many habanero chilies
as they can within 90 seconds.
I told you, dude.
They're habaneros, damn it.
Enough. Stop whining, asshole.
Let's welcome our 15 macho hopefuls.
[chuckles]
Contestants,
get ready for this extra spicy test.
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
ESTEBAN FIDEL
PREVIOUS WINNER LEÓN
LAST ELIMINATED
NEXT TES
THE GREASY POLE
[crowd cheering]
[spectator 1] Let's go! Let's go, Ale!
- [spectator 2] Let's go!
- [spectator 1] Let's go, eat up!
[Víctor] As you can see, dear folks,
our volunteers have to wear protection,
since these chili peppers
are from an extra spicy variant
we deliberately brought in
from the Yucatán.
Merely touching these peppers
could irritate their skin and eyes.
Fucking hell, dude.
I forgot my glasses.
Don't worry, sir. That's why you have me.
[laughs] My Johnny, dude.
- I love you forever, dude, eh?
- [Juanito] I know, I know.
[Jerónimo] Wake me up
when something happens, eh?
[clears throat]
- [rooster crows]
- [horn blares]
THE HABANERO FROM HELL TES
[cheering, whooping]
Charly, you can do it!
[whines] Oh, my eyes, my eyes.
- I'm blind.
- [laughs]
Go home, you clown!
Fucking whiner!
[spectators] Go home! Go home!
Go home! Go home!
[booing]
[booing continues]
- [coughs]
- [Antonia] Come on, my Charly!
- You can do it!
- You can do it, Son!
You can do it, Charly!
You like to suck chili peppers!
[laughing]
[winces]
Come on, León!
Three, two! Last bite!
Dude, it's done! It's done!
- [horn blares]
- You did it!
Hands up, contestants!
Hands up, hands up.
Stand up, please. It's over.
Soon we'll count up the habanero stems,
and then we'll find out
who's been eliminated.
BIG EVEN
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
CHANGEROOMS - MEN
What are you doing here?
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
[clears throat] I snuck in to see
how endowed the machos are.
No secrets.
Oh, don't even think about
touching me with those hands.
Did you bring water?
- My mouth's on fire.
- No whining.
Be a man, damn it.
And you, get out of here.
This isn't a place for girls. Get out.
- Go on!
- Okay, okay. I'm leaving.
[laughs]
Any self-respecting macho
will for sure have gastroenteritis.
[chuckles] Really soon we'll have
the names of the macho hopefuls
who, starting today, won't be anymore.
Won't be hopefuls, not machos.
And they are [hums]
Ah, Gustavo and Roberto
Thirteen gladiators remain, ready to be
You did it.
Ooh, he did it.
Well, come on, let's celebrate.
And look who we have here.
It's none other than Mr. Ponciano himself,
the barman at The Scorpion.
Tell us, Mr. Ponciano, what do you think
of this super spicy chili test?
What do you mean? It's unfair.
This This competition is unfair because
Tejeda's daughter shouldn't be here.
She's a broad. Of course she likes
sucking chili peppers.
I can't fucking believe
what that asshole is saying.
Yeah, but it's not good for you
to get angry right now.
You need to be focused
for the next test. Focus.
You can see that girl has a deep throat.
And she'll She'll stick in anything
she can eat. [laughs]
Look, you motherfuckers!
You wish you could eat chili peppers
like my son!
- [spectators laughing]
- Don't help me, Dad.
You're such a dumbass. You can't save
yourself even in self-defense. [laughs]
Mr. Mayor, I just had an epiphany.
Johnny, shh!
Don't start with your nonsense
right now, eh?
Juanito, I'm not in the mood.
- Listen to me.
- [sighs]
You need to support Charly.
On top of that,
what's with this bullshit, dude?
I mean, nobody wants the boy-girl
in this fucking town, dude.
Yes, sir, but think about it.
Whose support do you want?
Do you want it from Eduviges
and her gang of prudes?
Or from all the state's liberals
and progressives?
Okay, okay, okay, okay. What now? Explain.
The whole state thinks we're basically
a den of prudes and religion nuts.
If you want to become governor,
you need to detach yourself
from that reputation.
- Do you follow me?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
Okay. If you support Charly
to be King of the Machos,
you'll bring the trans, pro-inclusivity
and pro-gender communities along with you.
And that'll make
your popularity rise like bubbles.
Watch out because you'll lose
a lot of supporters in town,
but that's been calculated for.
However, your popularity across the state
will go through the roof.
[laughs]
No shit, fucking Juanito Valdés, eh?
You're a legit Rasputin,
fucking Johnny, ah?
Just today, I woke up
and I had a similar idea, right?
I mean, dude,
we're on the same wavelength.
I know, sir. I know.
- Excuse me.
- Yes.
Hello.
Hello.
How were those habaneros?
Terrible.
I just wanted to tell you
not to pay attention
to the idiotic things
the apes of this town are saying.
Thanks.
Good luck on the next test.
Now we'll move on to our next test.
Our young and brave contestants
will have to climb this pole
slathered in grease.
Whoever reaches the top
will get the highest score.
And those who don't, well, won't.
But But, they'll be judged
on how high they can go.
Let the next test begin.
[horn blares]
THE GREASY POLE TES
Come on, Charly!
[spectators whistling]
[Víctor] And he reached six meters.
[Víctor laughs]
And our primate-like contestant
easily climbs the first few meters.
Get down already!
[Víctor] But it wasn't easy for him at all
because he started like a monkey
and finished like a slippery trout.
Mario Ruíz, five meters. Not bad.
[spectators cheering on TV]
LIVE NEWS - TUNA TV
GREASY POLE TEST UNDERWAY
Savages.
[scoffs]
[groans]
- [straining]
- [horn blares]
He went up like an arrow
but fell splat like a sponge. [laughs]
But don't worry,
because he seems to be doing great.
And he reached six meters.
- [spectator] Six meters?
- [Víctor] Yes. Six meters.
[spectators chanting] León, León, León.
León, León, León, León, León, León, León!
[spectator whistles]
[spectators cheering]
He can't do it! He won't make it!
[spectators chanting] León, León, León,
León, León, León, León, León, León,
León, León, León, León!
[Víctor] León Castillo has done it!
- Bravo, bravo, León Castillo!
- [spectator 2] Bravo, bravo!
[Víctor] And now Now here comes
our final contestant of the day,
- Charly Tejeda.
- [knife slices]
[spectators chanting] He can't do it,
he can't do it, he can't do it,
he can't do it, he can't do it,
he can't do it, he can't do it,
he can't do it, he can't do it,
he can't do it, he can't do it.
What an odd way to hang onto the pole.
What on earth is he doing?
- That's funny.
- No way. That dude looks like a monkey.
[contestant laughs]
[spectators chanting]
He can't do it! He can't do it!
He can't do it! He can't do it!
[both] Yes he can! Yes he can!
He can't do it, he can't do it.
[Antonia] Keep going!
[spectators chanting] He can do it!
He can do it! He can do it!
Come on, Charly! Let's go, let's go!
Almost there, almost there!
[horn blares]
He made it to the top!
He made it to the top!
[cheering]
[Víctor] With a quick climb
and an even quicker descent,
Charly Tejeda has done it
in the least amount of time.
One minute and 28 seconds.
Bravo!
I'm rather afraid that this guy will need
cervical reconstructive surgery.
That was pure frog style! Frog style!
Frog style, indeed!
Yes, Mr. Joel, but he did it. He did it.
[Joel] An awkward,
yet effective technique.
[Víctor] That's right. Yes. [laughs]
Oh, honey.
You don't know everything I saw Charly do.
It was seriously incredible.
I never would've imagined it.
You should come watch it next time.
My daughter hanging
from a pole like a monkey.
How could that be incredible? Hmm?
What's good about that?
It's such a stupid contest.
Seriously, Shorty, I don't know why
you support her in something that
that you know is going to hurt her.
Look, honey.
I know this hasn't been easy for you,
but it's because you don't want to see it.
Your daughter Carlota doesn't exist.
His name is Charly.
Yes, Charly.
Are you really going to miss out
on your son because you're close-minded?
Hopefully you don't regret it.
Good night.
I honestly don't know where you got
so good at riding the pole like that.
[clicks tongue]
You're quite the pun master.
[chuckles]
Why are you making that face?
Uh Well, I have
two pieces of news for you.
One's good and one's bad.
The good news is that people
are starting to find out about you,
even in the state capital.
[laughs]
And the bad news, well, yeah,
they made a meme of you and it went viral.
I'll send it to you.
Sent!
[phone dings]
You know what? I made it
to the next stage of the contest.
Nothing can make me feel bad right now.
That's it, that's the right attitude.
[Antonia] Charly?
YOUR DAYS IN THE CONTES
ARE NUMBERED CHARLOTA
Motherfuckers!
Fucking hell!
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