The Last Weekend (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

This is me retracing my steps.
Ollie and Daisy - they're my oldest friends.
I've got an inoperable brain tumour.
I'm going to die.
Ollie and I have a three events triathlon for money.
This is a triathlon.
We're meant to be testing ourselves against each other physically! I could murder someone tomorrow.
You'd better watch out.
Men don't like women finding other men attractive.
They don't.
Spare a thought for Ollie.
He definitely didn't like this guy being around.
Where's your wife, Milo? I could always think of Daisy who remained my constant love.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No! Argh! Agh! Yes! No! Come on, Milo! Ian! Ian.
Ian.
Ian.
You were dreaming.
I was? Oh.
What time is it? Gone midday.
You were late to bed last night.
Ye-ah.
Daisy and Milo We were talking and er Yeah, I've just spoken to Daisy.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
And erm She knows about Ollie's tumour.
Then why did he tell me not to say anything? Yeah.
She said she didn't know why he said that.
But, according to his consultant, it's low grade slow growing and probably operable.
Even benign.
Do you mean he's not dying? Well Daisy said they were upbeat about his prospects.
Why is she marrying him, then? What's that got to do with anything? The lying git.
Do y'think Archie wants coffee? No, he's gone back to the festival.
Are you OK? Yeah.
Yeah.
Tenno Heika Banzai!! Aarrghhhh! Oh, my God.
That was fantastic.
You should have seen your face.
I've been standing here for 15 minutes waiting for that.
Worth every second.
Gotcha! What's going on? I'm scaring Uncle Ian.
Well, Em says to get ready cos we're all going to swim at the beach.
And we're coming with YOU.
Down at the bottom of the deep blue sea, how many fishes can we see? - Are they dead or are they alive? - Alive.
Down at the bottom of the deep blue sea, how many whelks can we see? Are they dead or are they alive? Get the stuff out the boot.
- Have you got the keys? - The girls are tired.
Thanks.
No, they wanna stay.
Let's see what we got in here.
Make him stay one more night, please.
Ask him.
Make him.
Well Not like that! Stay one more night.
You are staying one more night.
Oh, good.
That's a promise.
You just promised.
First one to the beach is the best person in the whole world! Come on! Come on! Oh, what? That wasn't there when I was a kid.
Oh, hurry up.
Look.
Oh! Well, never mind, it doesn't say no paddling.
Come on.
Paddling? That's true.
Ian! Not so far.
It said no swimming.
Good boy, Rufus.
Come here.
I just want to say, I was encouraged by Daisy going off on her own.
I mean, she was clearly engineering a situation where we could talk.
Not just about last night but about the future.
Because, I mean, it was great that Ollie was going to be OK for now but these things always get you in the end.
Which is why she's marrying him.
It's a financial thing.
It always was.
By the way, she must have heard me coming but Oh.
It's you.
What have you got? Nothing much.
I'm not sure what that is.
That's amber.
Hmm.
You learn something new every day.
What did you learn last night? When Milo went to bed.
I don't want to talk about it.
I was drunk.
You were wonderful.
You were rough.
It's because I wanted you so badly.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
It's true.
Don't say that.
I can't help it.
It's what I've always wanted.
It makes it worse! I'm being serious.
Ian, we'd been drinking.
A lot.
It just wasn't real.
We're both with others.
End of story.
Listen.
It was more real than anything I've ever Don't! Look, last night was the most important night of my life.
Can we stop going on about last night? It meant nothing.
Less than nothing.
So just get that through your thick skull.
Hey, look.
Look.
The stone with no heart.
Look.
I'll find you both one.
Let's go show Daddy.
I was thick.
And our lovemaking had no meaning.
I was a nothing man who'd had nothing sex with a woman who'd felt nothing for him.
I'd been used.
And chucked away.
Ian.
You all right? Yeah.
Apparently, there's a storm coming so Milo and Daisy are going on ahead to get the cushions inside.
You know, just in case.
What on their own? Just the two of them? Yeah.
I'm coming with you.
You're giving me the Ford Fiesta Experience.
You know, if all the stuck gets soaked, we won't be able to get it dry before we leave tomorrow.
Who said it's gonna rain? Milo.
Mr Ecology's a weather man too? Here we are.
Milo's not back yet.
I mean, where the hell are they? Maybe they got lost because you were with them on the way.
Well, yeah, but he was driving.
Yeah, but it's always different on the way back, isn't it? How long have they known each other? A couple of years.
Oh.
What? I assumed it would be longer, that's all.
They're very comfortable with each other.
Yeah, well, it's the nature of their jobs, isn't it? They're good with people.
I wasn't implying anything.
I never said you were.
I just got the impression that you were.
No.
Fine.
The thing is, Daisy has to be fond of her clients in order to represent them properly.
It's just the way she works.
- And she obviously is.
- Stay another night.
She even gets you to ask him.
So? No, it's good.
It's good.
She just cares about Milo because of the situation he's in.
Sorry? The situation that Milo's in.
Saying the same thing twice doesn't make it any clearer.
Milo's moving back to New York.
His marriage has broken up.
Sorry.
I assumed Daisy would have told you.
Yeah.
Er I think she mentioned it.
Yeah.
So he's single again.
You can tell, can't you? He's got the look of someone who's What? On the prowl? Lonely.
Oh, don't worry.
He's just latching on to Daisy for now.
A shoulder to cry on.
And like you say, she's fond of him so Oh, there you go.
Great.
Mucky hands.
Mucky hands.
Mucky what else? We had a puncture and got lost cos you weren't with us.
No.
No.
No.
Don't touch me.
You'll get filthy.
I want a wash.
You kids have fun at the beach? You think I'm a bad person, don't you? I know you do.
I do too sometimes.
But the thing is, Daisy's the love of my life.
You know? She's the one who makes my heart ache when I think of her with someone else and she was too physical with this Milo.
She was.
And I mean, did they have a puncture? I don't know.
What I do know is that we all get over guilt or hurt or past misdemeanours by doing other stuff By putting other stuff between us and what happens.
What I'm saying is that Daisy slept with me willingly.
She gave herself willingly.
In fact, her eagerness made me wonder how many other men she'd slept with.
But then, I thought, "No.
" What she and I have is something special.
She knows it.
I know it.
That's why there was such passion when it did finally happen.
Because it was after so long.
After such a build-up.
But because of Ollie's illness, it's like we did it too soon.
Like the guilt's too much.
And so she does it with this Milo as well.
Excuse.
I'll get changed.
And maybe not for the first time.
I dunno.
Oh.
I dunno.
I mean, to be honest, I was over Daisy before we came here.
Ah, that's not true.
Erm That's not true.
Two years ago I was down in London for a job interview.
I called Daisy and I said, "I'll come round and see you.
" And she said, "No.
" She said, "Let's meet in this cafe.
" Which was quite a way from where they lived so I thought, "Oh.
OK.
Yeah.
" So no-one sees us.
Ha-ha! OK.
And when she arrives, she's had her hair cut which didn't suit her.
But more importantly, told me that something was going on.
Because we change our appearance for a reason.
New beginnings.
And in the end Are you happy? Why wouldn't I be? Well I know that Ollie's away a lot.
And Archie's a teenager now so You must get lonely.
No, I've got lots of friends.
And I love London.
OK.
Well I just wanted to say, you know, if If things are going badly.
If you need someone to turn to.
If you feel after all this time like you've made a mistake.
That smile spoke volumes.
It said Darling, Ian listen really you are my truest and dearest companion.
But rightly or wrongly, I'm with Ollie.
So you mustn't waste your life waiting for me.
And I didn't.
The next day, I proposed to Em.
Retrospectively, I can see that's when I started gambling again.
I've got a good system going.
It's numerical.
The number 9 features.
I can't say more.
Replacing one obsession with another? Yeah, maybe.
I just needed to mend that broken heart again.
Wanna do something else with me? Who knows? Except, if I'm honest, I felt rejected by Daisy.
Come on.
Yeah.
She hurt me that day.
She did.
And well, you know, it's true what they say.
What goes around, comes around.
And pretty soon it's payback time.
Where's Daisy? With Milo Fat Yogurt and his irritating daughters.
They found a dead owl.
They're burying it.
Getting some practice in.
You know what you said earlier about Milo needing a shoulder to cry on? He seems pretty happy to me.
Yeah.
Forget about that.
We all had too much to drink last night.
Me included.
I probably imagined it.
Mind you, there was the Oh, no.
Forget it.
Forget what? Ollie.
Stop it.
Listen, look Last night I took the dog for a walk after you went to bed.
And when I got back, Daisy was comforting Milo.
Comforting him where? Doing what? On the sofa doing I don't know.
I was embarrassed.
I walked away.
Why? Come on.
Why were you embarrassed? Look, all I saw was them holding each other.
Like you do.
Sometimes.
But then, when I'd been around the block and come back, he'd gone to bed and she was crying and then I find out it's cos he told her about his wife.
His marriage.
Going to New York.
Yeah.
She cries easily.
Yeah.
Right.
So while she straightened her clothes, I fetched her some water.
Why's she? Hm? Is she having an affair? No.
She is, isn't she? She was on the sofa.
Do you think she's having an affair? For God sake.
I'm not suggesting that at all.
Daisy loves you.
Not Milo.
I mean, she may fancy him but she'd never act on it.
Not here.
Are you crazy? Well, there'd be evidence, wouldn't there? There'd be, like, stains on the sofa or tissues in the bin.
Quick! Quick! Quick! Oh, my goodness! That really changed quick, didn't it? Oh, shit, my Oh, get in, you! Argh! Argh! The fact is, we sometimes lose control of events that we set in motion - especially when not everyone observes the rules.
Oh, I keep thinking of Archie out in this.
He'll love it.
You know, I was at Glastonbury back in '05.
Glaston These mud festivals, they're just They're fantastic.
At least it's warm.
I mean, cold and wet is horrible but warm and wet.
Dessert wine? No.
No.
It just goes straight to my head.
Treat it like an anaesthetic.
You can scrape more bits off your body.
Talking of which, I have you ever scraped anything off the old todger? Oh, dear.
Ollie's had too much to drink.
We've already seen his nipples, haven't we, darling? He's not shy.
That's artists, right? How much are one of your paintings, by the way? I'm not that kind of an artist.
I don't do portraits and landscapes.
Right.
So what? You're like Picasso, are you? He could draw like an angel.
He was as good as Rembrandt.
He just to paint like a half-wit.
So you're like that? Ollie.
Ollie, you're being a pain.
Sit down.
Don't take any notice.
When he has a drink, he likes to argue.
It's true.
The lawyer in me comes out and I just can't help digging around, you know.
Find out who you are and what's it all about Al-fieeee! All right.
So long as it doesn't sound too high falutin'.
Or even if it does.
Erm well, I create work that unsettles people.
Well, you definitely unsettle me.
Only joking.
What? I'm only joking.
Basically, I just feel that that people nowadays are just too comfortable.
And I don't think that art is there to reinforce that.
So the people I represent are comfortable, are they? Hm? A man falsely accused of murder.
Or a man accused of racism and assaulting a child? He's comfortable, is he? No.
No, of course not.
Hey.
Don't apologise.
He's enjoying this.
This is his idea of fun.
All right.
Yeah.
Well, it's It's kind of like what you're doing right now.
That's what I try to do.
I try to be unsettling.
And erm While still have fun.
OK.
Anyone for coffee? It certainly seems to give you and Daisy a lot.
What is that? Of fun.
Well, you know, I hardly see her these days.
When I do, it's Milo this and Milo that.
All day long.
What? Take no notice of him.
You're being ridiculous.
And boring.
I'm gonna go put the kettle on.
I'll help you clear up.
Have you finished? Yes, thank you.
I'm gonna take a piss.
Ooh, take it easy.
Ollie.
His wife's just left him.
He's vulnerable.
So am I.
So am I.
How do you think I'm feeling? Do you think I'm feeling great? He's having my wife.
The woman I love.
He's had her.
I've seen it and I've smelt it.
You've seen what? Tissues in the waste paper bin with dried Spermatozoa.
Do you think I don't know the smell of dried cum on a fucking tissue?! Calm down, man.
Calm down.
Calm down, man.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry.
It's fine.
Don't worry.
I'll put it there.
Oh, here he is.
That was quick.
Prostate in good working order, then? More red? No.
No.
I'm going to bed.
The kids get up early.
Don't be a wimp.
Are you still be tedious? Who? Me? No.
Of course not, darling.
Milo here is talking about going to bed.
What do you think of that? How do you respond to that? What would you say to Milo saying he wanted to go to bed? Sex.
Excellent.
More specifically, how to sustain a sex life in a long term relationship.
Because, let's face it, it's pretty fucking impossible.
Well, isn't that why marriages break up? Ollie, for Christ sake! What? What? I'm not being personal, sweetie.
Come on.
I mean, let's be honest.
We're all friends here.
Who's had sex this weekend? Ian? Em? No, course not.
Because unless you just met or you're trying for a kid, what's the point? I don't suppose you can remember the last time! Milo.
Hey, Milo.
How about you? How have you got on, man? Had much action this weekend? Had sex with anyone? Hm? I mean, you know, I'm not accusing you of erm anything untoward with your daughters.
No way.
Milo, please.
Ollie, shut up! And shut up now.
You're embarrassing everybody.
Only you, my love.
Only you.
Because, you know Of course, there are those who try to, you know, recapture lost excitement.
Through affairs.
Or swinging or dogging or what-have-you.
The thing to remember right, the thing you must remember Are you listening to me? Ollie.
Get off me.
The thing to remember about some couples is is that even though one of them may have had their head turned, there's a glue There's this glue that just HOLDS them together! Which no man can put asunder.
I really think I should go upstairs.
No.
No.
No.
Please don't go.
He has no idea what he is saying.
And when I remind him of it in the morning, he will apologise.
And if he doesn't I will go! You've made Em cry.
God.
Yeah.
Has anyone got a tissue? Shall I get a tissue? Shall I? I tell you what Look, seeing as no-one seems to appreciate my presence here, let me be the one to depart.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Oh, Jesus! It's all right.
I'm fine.
Put that back.
Night-night.
I am so sorry.
He gets like this sometimes.
It's nothing personal.
He won't remember any of this.
Erm I'm gonna go to bed.
Good night.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry.
Don't worry about it.
He's really upset you.
Come on.
Let's get you to bed.
No, I'm fine.
I'm OK.
What is it? Come on.
Time to go to bed.
You're in no fit state to have a conversation.
She wants to talk.
Come on, babe.
Bed's the best place for you.
Ian, stop.
Leave her alone.
Ollie didn't mean anything.
I know that.
It's just all a bit close to the surface.
Then she tells her everything about us not being able to have children.
The works.
Including that they are now doing test on me because she's been past as fertile.
A big 'thank you' for that, Em! What you've got to realise is that everyone in house was wound up at this stage.
I mean, later, when we were on our own back in our room, Em starts accusing me and starts saying that it was me who chose sex as a topic not Ollie.
And then she says that I egged him on.
Egged him on! I was filling up his wine glass .
.
to make trouble.
And then they're so funny when you give some back.
I mean, I was just trying to lighten the mood.
I was just saying, "Is this your way of sweet talking more sperm out of me?" Oooh, what's that face for? Oh, what? You don't want me to father your child.
Is that it? Well, let me tell you I don't want kids.
What? I'm with kids all day.
And screwing you has got boring.
Boring! Boring! BOR-RING! And before you know it, it all unravels.
Because that's the way it happens in life.
Oh.
Thanks for coming.
All set? Bye! And what about us? Are we supposed to not worry about you? How could I call when you can't get a signal here?! If you were so worried Do what your mother asks! Why didn't you walk down the road till you got a signal and at least leave me a message? You think I didn't look?! Sorry.
You're right.
We're wrong.
Sorry.
It's crap parenting of the first order.
I'm sorry.
Archie! Archie, I'm sorry! All right.
Well, I need to just get the flying Ian, with me.
IAN! What are you doing? Come on.
Get in.
Let's go.
Why? What for? You and me have unfinished business.
Ian! If this is about the triathlon, are you sure you wouldn't like to settle it over pool? Positive.
So it is about the triathlon? What else? OK.
How about a running race along the beach? Do you fancy that, do you? Yeah.
If you want it physical.
Yeah, OK.
Let's wake up a bit first.
Sure.
Take your time.
I'll put some markers down.
No, let's take a dip.
But we haven't brought our trunks.
Who needs them? And who's around? No-one.
You can't be serious.
It's dangerous.
I love this place.
You know if I had the time, I'd look for a house here.
You should make time.
Call around.
Ring some estate agents.
Ollie, you don't have terminal cancer.
It's because you're my friend that you don't want to believe the worst.
Let's do it.
Don't go too far.
It says no swimming.
Come on, get in here, you big girl's blouse! Remembering who said what exactly is difficult sometimes.
But let's be crystal clear it wasn't my idea to get into the water.
Oh! It's freezing.
I'm freezing.
Yeah.
Hey, look, if you've woken up, let's go back.
Yeah, OK.
We could do it here.
What? Yeah, we could do it here.
Start from one buoy and swim over to that one over there.
Oh, no.
Swimming's not my forte.
Nor mine.
So we'd be equal.
This is winner takes all, yeah? What did we say? Five grand? And there's always been something about that smile.
Yeah.
Five.
Ready? Go! He had the perfect physique for swimming whereas I I could barely stay afloat, you know.
I don't mind saying that I'd been suckered and I panicked.
Ollie! But then, going under again, I wondered if it wouldn't be best to let it all go and die.
What with the deaths and the disciplinary tribunal and the fallout for me and Daisy coming because love once it gets ahold it can overpower everything.
So I was maybe taking one last look at the world when Are you OK, Ian? Ian, are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
Losing my friend.
Yeah.
I blame myself.
Sometimes.
But you have to move on.
The way I see it, Ollie was delusional.
He had a breakdown.
He was ill.
He had a brain tumour.
Benign or otherwise.
That gave him a death wise so strong that he wouldn't let me save him.
And he nearly took me with him.
He nearly took me with him.
Em and I split up.
Well, once I felt enough time had elapsed for Daisy, I told Em everything.
Well, the essentials.
She wasn't happy.
Obviously.
And said some things I'm sure she regrets.
But I didn't want what comes next to be messy.
Because this retracing of my steps was always gonna end well, here Can I help? Who are you? Who am I? Yeah.
Who are you? Yeah.
Yeah.
John McCloud and you are? John.
John.
John.
It's OK.
Thanks.
Sorry.
I have friends staying.
Oh.
And what's been decorated? Er Where are the decorators? You said I couldn't come down because the place was being done up.
Ian, I can't speak to you if you're gonna be like this.
Now, listen I've spoken to Em.
OK? It was a long conversation.
Difficult at first but Good.
Good that she knows.
Listen.
You've made a big mistake.
Em's been fantastic for you.
You'll be lost without her.
You can't manage on your own.
I don't I don't intend to be on my own.
I wanna be with you.
Yeah.
Right.
Right, yeah.
Em mentioned that.
OK.
No, stop.
I don't want to hear it.
Erm OK, look er Look, for the moment for the moment, I have told Em that it was all drink.
That I was totally drunk.
Daisy.
I was there.
Yeah? You wanted it.
You weren't that drunk.
Oh, Daisy, come on.
I kept saying no.
But you wouldn't listen to me.
And I was so shocked at the time that I didn't want to think that of you.
But I've since spoken to a counsellor.
And once I had to say it out loud I realised what you did.
You feel guilty because of Ollie's death.
No, I don't.
I feel dirty.
I feel unclean.
I feel tarnished.
No, you raped me, Ian.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
And what if I told Em that? What if I went to the police about that? It was because I wanted you so badly.
It was because I love you.
You do not love me.
I do! You do not.
Yes, I do.
Well, I don't love you and I never have.
I know what love feels like and it is the opposite of what I feel for you.
It is the opposite.
How much clearer can I be? I want you to go.
I don't want you to be here.
Please leave now.
Go! Well, hang on a minute.
Is it because you want kids? Is that it? I'm just saying that my sperm has a motility issue OK? I'm not actually firing blanks.
Whatever Em said.
Oh, I get it.
You want someone tried and tested? Is that it? They his kids, are they? This John? This fucking John clown! Ian, Ollie is dead.
All the more reason.
For what? For you to be screwing! Oh, you disgust me.
You disgust me! OK.
OK.
It's OK.
I never want to see you or speak to you or hear from you ever again! Ever again, Ian.
Time to leave.
You leave and you leave now.
Or I call the police.
Come on, then.
How do you want to play it? 52! Oh! OK.
OK.
Yeah, this is interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cos do you remember that I told you about the system I have? With the slot machines which is all to do with the number 9? Number 9.
The magic number.
I've just realised tonight that the date today is the 27th November.
Which is exactly three months since that last weekend.
Three 27s which is a multiple of 9.
But 2 plus 7 equals 9 And three 9s placed in a row, because it's been three months, is 999.
You see? And that's the number I dialled to try and save Ollie.
And if that's not a sign, then I'll eat my hat.
Cos signs spawn plans.
Signs give you gifts.
Gifts that give you insight.
Oh, God! I've gotta get myself looking good.
I've gotta get myself looking good because well I've already written a couple of letters to Daisy asking for the money I'm owed by Ollie's estate for the triathlon.
The challenge.
Did I send it? I did.
I said it was for 10 grand.
Well, she can afford it and I think he would have wanted it that way.
You know, I think I'm gonna write again because well, by that time it'll have all calmed down.
I've been thinking see? It must have been very difficult for her.
Me showing up at the house with all of Ollie's work colleagues there.
How could she throw herself into my arms? She couldn't.
She couldn't.
It was too soon.
Grieving takes time.
Grieving takes time.
And I've gotta give her that time.
It could be 27 days.
Or it could be 27 weeks.
It could be three 27s.
Oh! It's OK.
There'll be a sign.