The Letdown (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

1 And Babar, with his arm around Celeste's shoulder, Celeste, with her head bowed, and the other elephant, Cornelius, giving to Babar power over MAN: (ON TV) She's my food idol.
AUDREY: Can you come here for a sec? Oh, my God, it was not what I expected.
What? I was just about to find out what the mystery box was.
Your mum's reading Stevie Babar.
So? That's my old book.
Okay, everyone knows Babar's a dictator and the whole thing's an allegory for French colonialism.
It's imperialist propaganda.
Rich old lady domesticates savage beast? Can we not turn storytime into a political act? And you're not going to start defacing books like Verity, are you? Damn right I'll change the pronouns from he to she.
I'm not having Stevie grow up thinking only boys have adventures.
Fine, I'll go tell her to stop.
Don't do that, don't do that.
She'll know it was me.
I just wish she would stop doing the opposite of what I I left out a Miffy.
What? The genderless rabbit books.
- Miffy's a she.
- Not in my house.
And I cannot do any more home mochas, okay? Instant coffee and Milo, it's yuck.
Audrey, home mocha? Ooh, yes, please.
Thanks, Carol.
Shut up.
CAROL: Jeremy gave me your shopping list.
Now, your pads, Jeremy said to get the biggest.
Extra thick and extra wide with aloe vera.
Oh, aloe vera, I wonder how that helps.
Thanks.
I just wanted some liners in case I went back to yoga, but these are perfect.
- Thank you.
- And new razors too, if you're thinking about de-fuzzing those legs.
(PHONE RINGS) - Hi, Mum.
- VERITY: Oh, hi, darling.
How can you call? I thought it was a monastic silence retreat.
I'm hiding.
I've got the worst throat.
How can you possibly have a sore throat? - Now, what did you want? - No, tomorrow night, are you coming? - For Dad's anniversary? - Who? Babs? - Steven.
- What are we celebrating? - His death.
- I can't.
Okay, well, just the pub, then? No, I'll reflect here, more picturesque.
Well, we're supposed to reflect together.
- Oh, Audrey.
- How long are you there for? 10 days, if you want results.
Yeah, all right.
Hang on, no, I can't - I've got to go sprung Sorry! - Mum.
- Mum! Mum? - How's Mum? Oh, she's fun, isn't she? Yes.
DAVE: Martha, Martha! - Dave? - Hi! What are you what are you doing? I was just riding by and I saw you guys.
Yeah, right.
You live in Banskia.
Yeah, yeah, actually, it's really handy that I saw you 'cause I was going to drop around to your place 'cause Mum's been knitting.
Dave, you cannot be doing That's really soft.
- Is that a garter stitch? - No, it's a moss stitch.
Oh, it's No, Dave, it's just not appropriate.
- Really? - No.
I thought with this sort of trans-seasonal weather, - it was kind of perfect.
- Dave, it's not the cardigan, okay? It's your mother.
And knitting.
And you just popping up everywhere.
And you're leaving food parcels at my door.
Did you get the pumpkin ravioli with the burnt sage butter? Dave, it's No.
It is just not what we agreed to.
- Okay, absolutely.
- Okay? - Okay.
- Okay? - Quick cuddle? - No! You're sweaty and I'm going to be late.
- Go.
God, Dave! - Bye, Teddy Bear.
Bye, Martha! The orchestra really misses you.
Strings are rubbish without you.
(BABY CRIES) The level of support needed will depend largely on rest.
Rest.
What is that? I think she's trying to be funny.
Are you still driving at night? No.
Well, not while the in-laws are here.
I'm just feeding five times a night.
Oh, Audrey.
I just can't seem to settle him at the moment.
Well, could be overstimulation.
- Really? - He's very alert.
- (TEDDY GURGLES) - Hello.
You might want to try what they now call the 'boring them to sleep' technique.
I could lend you my father-in-law for that.
Very boring.
- (CHUCKLES) - (CHUCKLES) Low lights, tight swaddle.
And make sure partner does a night shift.
You need your rest too.
Men might seem useless - Not in my house.
- But they're perfectly capable.
Yeah, it's just me and Teddy.
BARBARA: Where's your partner, love? Work trips? Or in Bali surfing with the boys? There's no he, or she.
It's just us.
Okay.
Do you have other support then? Paid, even? I will, once we get childcare sorted.
And we've actually got another interview this week, so fingers crossed.
Well, make sure you look really chaotic.
Like, really fucked up.
Yeah, yeah, she's right.
So tears, vomit stains.
And if you could try and maybe sleep in your make-up as well.
Matted hair helps.
A bit like over here.
Huh? Oh, do you have a child-care interview today, Audrey? No, I I've been sleeping on an air mattress 'cause the in-laws are here.
Oh, and I know it's a little on the nose, but the single mum angle W what? It's a very strong narrative for you.
Your partner didn't die, did he? No! You know, maybe he did die - in battle.
- (GROANS) Fighting for his country.
- It all helps.
- That's good.
Yeah.
Just be vague about the whole thing, it'll help.
It's needs-based, she doesn't have to manipulate the system.
All right, but, you know, eye drops, Vicks under the nose, you'll be sweet.
Okay, thank you, everyone.
We're fine.
(CRIES) - CAROL: There she is.
- Hi.
I was so worried.
She must be exhausted.
I'll put her down.
Come on, my little bubba darling.
What you up to, Gene? - Ancestry.
- Oh, brilliant.
I just got this email.
It's from this butcher in Scotland.
Now, he reckons that we're related through a paternal great-great-great-great-uncle.
Wow.
Mmm.
Cup of tea? - I'd rather have a home mocha.
- Home mocha? You bet.
I don't know what all the fuss is about, Audrey.
I popped her down on her tummy and she's out like a light.
Cousin Richard, he's descended from Romanian gypsies.
Shocking.
Ooh, Margaret won't put that on the Facebook.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Mochas? Darling, I'll help you, 'cause there's such an art to it.
Now Hey, what time will you be home? Please don't be late.
JEREMY: But Mum's there to help you.
Help or judge? Oh, come on, but Mum doesn't have a judgy bone in her body.
Yeah, you have a curious inability to read passive aggression.
- Even mine.
- (KNOCK AT DOOR) CAROL: Goodness me, that's a long feed.
Yeah, she hates the left boob.
Oh, well, that's no good.
Make sure you even them out.
And don't overfeed, she'll only bring it back up.
Thank you! Hear that? - (PHONE RINGS) - Um, no.
Um, Aud, I'm sorry, I've got to go, okay? - I've got a meeting.
- Don't be late, be early.
- Okay, bye.
- Audrey, how are your nipples? Sorry, mate, go ahead.
So, more money, more hours, more time away from home.
You can thank me later.
And you'll be part of the fucking revolution.
A amazing.
Um so, it's California? Yeah, mate, they're making huge progress with it over here.
Have you driven one? Just an early prototype when I was still doing my masters research, that was it.
Simon, you think your car is a refuge now, wait until you get inside one of these electric babies.
I'm getting hard just thinking about it.
Well, I need to talk to Audrey about it first.
Bah! Wrong! You want to have that shitfight before you see the offer? You need to ease into this stuff, champagne, new handbag.
I'd better go address this hard-on.
- Yeah, go for it.
Thanks.
- I'll get back to you.
"Go for it"? Jesus.
Well, it was important for me to know the donor and Dave was an excellent candidate.
- Thanks.
- He's a musician, he's smart, good teeth.
Oh, four years of braces, I'd hope so.
Really? You didn't tell me about the braces.
Right, so thanks for bringing these in, Dave.
That's fantastic.
But it's clear that he wants to play a very different role to what agreed on.
Since Teddy's birth, there's been a lot of interference.
- Interference? - Okay, tell me about that.
Well, one day, he left a cake at my front door.
It was her birthday.
He comes around a lot, actually, with food.
Oh, really? Always cakes, or More savoury, actually.
I like to make my own fresh pasta, so ravioli, gnocchi - Me too! - Oh! What sort of potatoes do you use in your gnocchi? Oh, good question.
So I use Yukon gold, but I also use russet - Hm! So - (WHISPERS) Tell me after.
last Saturday, he came around with 12 panels of acoustic foam.
To soundproof your study so she can practice.
His mother came to my house yesterday.
- What? - With that cardigan.
I'm sorry, I I didn't know.
She's really struggling with this.
She is desperate to meet him.
The donor agrees to forego all rights and responsibilities in relation to any child, including contact.
I mean, don't make me enforce this in court, Dave.
That's that's not necessarily what would happen, Martha.
So, what what? Well, the court would decide in the best interests of the child.
That may not be what's written in your contract, so it's not legally binding.
I just feel like I could be so much more than just sperm.
I just wanted a baby.
I didn't want a partner.
Or another family.
I've got my own fucked-up one that I manage to avoid - Okay, let's just keep the language - quite successfully, actually.
Don't you think he'll want to know who his dad is? You're not his dad.
You're his donor.
Okay, look, he's mine.
- He - Martha.
Teddy is mine.
Martha, come on.
You're all alone.
I can just help.
I can teach him boy things, like like sports, or LEGO, or how to clean his little penis! You have to peel the skin back so it doesn't get infected.
Anothery? After this.
Come here.
What are you doing? I need to find out if she went to prison.
Come on, Aud, it's been it's been a long time.
Your your parents are upstairs.
Yeah, they're asleep.
And and Mum has sleep apnoea.
Don't mention your mother with your hand down my pants.
Oh, I feel sick.
Thanks.
We should probably go to bed.
You go.
I'll I'll come up soon.
Yep.
Mm-hm.
(MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC ON TV) (WOMAN BREATHING HEAVILY ON TV) - You're still up.
- Hi, Mum.
Yep.
Just, um You could knock.
Watching this Iranian doco.
It's fascinating.
About a guy who goes to Tehran for the first time.
- Night-night.
- Okay.
(DOOR CLOSES) GENE: I think I'll go for a walk around the cemetery.
- (PHONE CHIMES) - CAROL: Shush, shush! - What? - Audrey's having another sleep-in.
She's getting more sleep than all of us put together.
Well, you wouldn't know by looking at her.
She obviously needs a lot.
- He was a good man.
- He was.
He would have loved that that little one.
Feels like yesterday he was just sitting there.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Do you have an eight of spades? Sure do.
King of hearts.
Nope.
But I've got this.
Again! You are too good! (LAUGHS) Jimmy, I'm going to have to get this kid down to Vegas.
Card shark, huh? - One more? - Shouldn't we go home now? Nah.
One more.
Okay, Dad.
MARTHA: Audrey? Martha, hi! It's, um early, isn't it? Yeah, I'm I'm having a beer.
Yeah, so just a little ritual.
Not usually at 9:00am.
I just, um had to get away from the in-laws.
They think we're at mums-and-bubs yoga.
Oh, how is that going? Not the yoga, the - In-laws? - Yeah.
Um well, the place is immaculate.
- Well, that's something.
- Yep.
And Jeremy's dad, he is um, completely disengaged.
- Oh? - Yeah, virtually silent.
Polar opposite to mine.
Yeah, he does nothing.
- Oh - Except family trees.
- Oh, one of those people.
- Yes, he is.
Who does that? He would know where Jeremy works, but he could tell you where his great-great-uncle did.
- (LAUGHS) - Yes, he could.
And he will.
Oh What was your dad like? Actually, I have a lot of memories of him sitting right there.
Yeah, he probably was an alcoholic.
High functioning.
Um, he was a kind guy.
He was you know, adventurous.
He was a very hands-on dad.
He, um Yeah, Verity, my mum, had a bit of an '80s feminist moment, in the '90s, when I was in Year 6, and she took off to Turkey for four months.
- Oh.
- Yep.
And Dad quit work and, um just looked after me.
- Really? - Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, we were good friends.
Mmm.
It's weird thinking she won't know him.
That's strange.
Sorry.
Um But how are you? Oh, I oh, there's just a little bit of shit going down.
Excuse me.
Um I will have one of those.
- And do you want? - Yeah, I'll get another.
Righto, but this can't become a thing.
JEREMY: Hi.
- You missed bath time.
- Sorry.
Happy anniversary.
CAROL: Anniversary? Go and get dressed, you two are going out to dinner.
I'll do this.
No, Mum, it's a Yeah, no, it's the anniversary of Dad's death.
Oh, w w well, that's not a very happy thing, is it? Well, I thought you meant It's very difficult without a wedding day.
Look, it doesn't bother me, but it could have consequences for little Stevie.
(SIGHS) Well, I guess you won't want to celebrate a death anniversary, will you? - I do.
- Yeah, I do too.
How hard was that? That was beautiful.
Let's just do that once, in church.
Okay, we're not going to do this, Carol.
We're not going to have this conversation again.
Do you want to get going? - We'll get dressed.
- Yeah, see you.
Thank you.
Goodnight, my darling.
Goodnight, my darling.
Thanks, Carol.
See you later.
Don't get drunk.
WAITER: Tap water, okay? Thank you.
That's great.
Thanks, mate.
Yeah, so why didn't you say anything? Sparkling or tap? That's my mother.
- Hang on, did you just hear that? - What? "Sparkling or tap", we didn't even get a choice.
What? What, are we tap people, are we? - What shoes are you wearing? - Desert boots.
- I told you that before I left.
Yeah.
- Yeah, they're nice.
So you would have asked for tap water anyway.
I'm confused.
Still, nice to be asked.
Okay, calm down.
Let's not just ruin everything already.
- Okay, fine.
- Yeah? Well, I don't understand because Mum and I fight all the time.
And by the way, she told me I never had to shave my legs, which is what I'll be telling Stevie.
I don't What does this mean? I'm talking about your mother.
- Yes.
- And fighting.
What? She doesn't fight.
Exactly.
You guys don't - Yeah? - My parents encouraged that because they treated me like an equal.
Yeah, so they didn't have to be parents.
Tell me again about your progressive liberal hairy upbringing.
Before or after my dad died? Sorry.
Shit.
Um, let's not fight.
Okay.
I just can't stand the idea of Stevie listening to that conservative stuff about marriage and all the things that they talk about.
Yes, okay, they're they're her grandparents, they're my parents, so can we stop shitting on them because my upbringing was different to yours? They cooked and cleaned all week.
Well, your dad hasn't.
He's incapable of it, you know that.
- He's not incapable.
- Yes, he is.
- He just doesn't.
- He's from a different generation.
Fine.
(SOFTLY) I'm Sorry.
- To Steven.
- To Dad.
Truly a great human and the best man I've known.
What? He did drink a lot, though, didn't he? He didn't drink Okay, so he drank - He did.
- Yeah.
- He was a great man.
- He was.
He was a great man.
Maybe we should take your mum to brunch on Sunday or something, to thank her for the cleaning.
And your dad can come too.
Actually, I think it would mean a lot to Mum if we all went to church.
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, that's the one.
Our Father who art in Heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done PRIEST: This is the gospel of the Lord.
- Praise be to you, Lord Jesus.
- Praise be to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
Please.
So friends, yesterday I phoned the young man a smart man, good friend of mine, an engineer.
And we talked.
And we spoke about many things, about the football, about the weather.
I asked after his young family.
Did you just wink at that little boy? You can't do that.
Not here.
Yeah, of course I can.
I was one of them.
- You were an altar boy? - Yeah.
- You kept that quiet.
- Shh! Ooh.
Sorry, busted.
Yes, little Teddy boy.
Here.
Okay.
That's all right.
(SIGHS) So now, more than ever, it is our job to raise up our daughters, our migrants, our LGBTQIA brothers and sisters, - anyone who's been oppressed - What does the A stand for? - Asexual.
- anyone who feels marginalised - Like new parents.
- silenced.
Very funny.
(STEVIE CRIES LOUDLY) May they find a home here in our community.
Shh, shh, shh, it's okay.
I, um I spoke to Mum.
I I think she gets it.
But she does have one more jumper.
It's a cableknit.
She'd already started it.
It's just you know I'm starting to think this whole thing was a mistake.
Please don't say that.
Look at him.
- How can you say that? - No, a mistake for me.
It's just I don't understand what Dave, the more that I let you help me, the more the courts will consider your application for custody if you if you happen to make one.
I'm not gonna make an application for custody.
I'm not going to take him away from you.
I'm sorry if what I've been doing has made you feel that I would, but Look, honestly, I had no idea I was going to feel this way.
It's just I might not have any other kids.
Come on, Dave, you just need to find the right lady.
I kind of thought that I had.
You know I'm gay, Dave.
- Very gay.
- Really? Didn't you sleep with that trombonist guy? Everybody's slept with the trombonist guy.
Didn't you? CAROL: Honestly, I get a little tired of the men in frocks telling me how it is.
You go back, I'll stay here.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh, that speech was amazing.
He's so progressive, isn't he? Jesuits.
- Thanks, Carol.
- Audrey - Mm-hm? - Um I just wanted to say don't be pressured into resuming your marital obligations until you're ready.
It's your body and it's been through something extraordinary.
And becoming a mum is well, you just take your time.
It won't hurt him.
And anyway, I think he's got a hand on uh handle on things.
Thanks, Carol.
(GENTLE CELLO) - Bye-bye, darling.
- Bye.
Oh, I have something for you.
I did your family tree.
- JEREMY: Oh! - I thought it best if Stevie had both.
It's it's all there.
Very strong German line.
Is that is that Dad's side? German Jews, no less.
I didn't know that! Well, no wonder I have a soft spot for Jews.
The rituals and the comedy and the soups.
Wow, that that's really special.
Thanks, Gene.
Look, it's all about this little family now.
You know, you've started your own chart.
Thank you so much for coming.
Jeremy, about the other night Bye, Mum.
Thanks for coming.
It was good.
- You take care of her, Jeremy.
- Yeah, yep, good.
Jesus.
(MUMBLING) Which way did I put the car? Go right, Father.
Just go right, straight down there.
- What's going on with her? - Uh, she caught me masturbating.
Oh, wow.
Eugh.
One home mocha.
Thanks.
Yum.
Jeremy, this stuff is so powerful.
My maternal great-grandmother got married at St Mary's Cathedral, big society wedding.
- There's a photo in here.
- Yeah? And when Dad's family came out after the war they had to change their name to protect themselves.
That was just And I just found a cousin, Yael, on Facebook.
We look so alike, it's weird.
Didn't your dad come over from New Zealand? Huh? This says Halloway.
Dad's misspelt your name.
You didn't notice? Have you checked the tree? Aud this isn't your family.
No, it's not.
Have you already made contact with cousin Yael? Yep.
And, uh, do you think you'll just pretend to be a Halloway? - Yep.
- Okay.
Do you want to have sex? What? No how does that follow? Well, after a disappointment, I thought you might appreciate some sort of tenderness or, um sexual excitement.
No, because in 10 minutes I'm meant to Skype my "cousin".
- Take that.
- Righto.
I can't believe your dad doesn't know my surname.
- Say hi to Yael for me.
- Yeah, will do.
Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done On Earth as it is in Heaven Our Father Who art in Heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy Kingdom come Thy will be done On Earth As it is in Heaven Give us this day Our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those Who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation