The Madame Blanc Mysteries (2021) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1
Say cheese.
# Kiss you under the moonlight
# Girl you are the one
# We've got to celebrate this now
# We've got to celebrate this now. #
Hello.
Hello, everyone.
Thank you all very much for
coming tonight.
I am a very lucky woman to have
fallen in love with
such a wonderful man.
We are not going to re-enact our
first dance.
So would you please welcome
to the stage.
The once famous Celine.
You promised me a band.
# I believe in miracles
# Where're you from,
# You sexy thing
# You sexy thang you
# I believe in miracles
# Since you came along,
# You sexy thing. #
# Do you remember the first time
# That my eyes set on you
# Your smile came from nowhere
# For some time never
# Or some time soon
# The road is a long one
# I was only passing through
# I was only passing through. #
Merci.
It's so lovely here.
Never used to be.
What?
This place. Proper daunt when I
got here.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Drugs, gambling.
You had to wipe your feet on the
way out.
Blimey.
In the end, the police closed
it down.
It was falling apart for ages.
Their nan and Celine turned up and
transformed it,
changed the village.
So, when did you get here, then?
20 years ago, just ask Xavi.
Oh, so Xavi's dad is French?
Long story.
So, when do you get your ring back?
Oh, I don't know.
Sick of asking.
The only thing he left me that's
worth anything
and I can't get my hands on it.
Still go to text him, you know, see
something funny, and I think,
Oh, Rory, I love this.
It was all a lie, wasn't it?
What do I do now?
Choose the parts I want to believe?
My own version of events?
I think we all have to do that to
some extent.
Remember when my mum was dying?
I used to look at all the women my
age in the hospital,
caring for the mums
and think about how we were all
members of the same club.
A club you don't want to be in.
loss can be a cruel mistress.
You might want to rephrase that
under the circumstances.
When I asked for a subtle
ice sculpture,
I didn't want one that would sink
the Titanic.
I wanted to Dove's intertwined.
It looks like two rabid dogs
ravishing a bone.
What?
It might have started to melt?
So, why on God's Earth did you send
it so early?
Well, I'm afraid you're going to
have to get rid of it, darling.
It is an eyesore.
What?
Well, you can think again,
if you think that I am
going to be breaking it up myself,
I want it gone by 3pm.
Good grief, it's just almost
impossible to get any decent
service over here.
Well, no offence, dear.
None taken.
So your CV, let's have a look.
You're from Marseille and you've had
lots of experience.
Oui, Madame.
I worked for two private houses
there and was also involved
in the catering.
I can't see your references here.
Oh, so sorry, Madame, I thought
you were attached.
I will print them out
Don't bother, dear.
I only ask for Jeremy.
I never read them anyway.
OK, then you all through to the
next round.
You know, I like you, Angela, but I
have one final test.
It shows me the measure of a woman.
Could you demonstrate for me your
fanciest fold?
She's going to love it, I
promise you.
She's coming over.
I'll see you later.
No, no, no, no.
She's going to be
absolutely thrilled.
Oh, thank goodness for that.
Someone with a degree of skill.
Merci.
May I say, what a beautiful house
you have here.
Oh, how kind.
You know, we actually got
married here.
Really? Yes.
Anyway, could you start tomorrow?
Of course.
No problem.
Anything else?
No, that's all for now.
See you bright and early tomorrow
at, 6:00 am. Start.
Well, you won't see me at such a
ghastly hour, of course.
Adele will let you in.
Merci.
Oh, sorry. I mean, goodbye.
Good. That's all sorted then.
I brought my own tea
making facilities.
But you can't be too careful,
can you?
My friend went to France once
and caught something dreadful
from a kettle.
You can't be too careful with
foreign water.
Are you OK?
You're a bit quiet today.
I'm scared, Dom.
I am.
And if she can kill once, she can do
it again and I might be next.
You're not on your own, you know?
No, Dom, that's just it.
I am on my own.
Fomalhaut is sometimes called
the loneliest star
because it's the brightest star in
that region of the sky.
What?
Well, you're not that, you know, on
your own in the universe.
There are other stars twinkling
right alongside you.
Right.
That sounded a bit more profound in
my head.
So, what happened with Xavi's
dad then?
I asked Gloria this morning and she
just clammed up.
I honestly don't know.
There was a rumour he was a
missionary or something.
Gloria? Was with a missionary?
I know. It's weird.
I've never seen her with a
man since.
Oh, he's better off without her.
Um, present company excepted.
You should have printed it
out, darling.
I didn't need to print it
out, darling,
because I knew I would remember it.
Clearly not.
Yes.
We'd like to check in.
Could somebody take our bags?
We don't have a porter.
Oh, how utterly ridiculous.
How can you call yourselves
a hotel?
Well, we don't call ourselves a
hotel because we're a pub.
I think you might be looking for
hotel villa up the street.
The female of the species, eh?
Not too bad, considering.
Happy then?
I wouldn't go that far.
Trust that sister in law of yours
not to let us stay at the chateau.
I mean, for God's sake,
it is your family's.
You know, full, well, Jeremy
bought it.
And let's not go through
all that again, please.
And whose fault is that?
I'm going to take a shower.
For goodness' sake, Harry, you
brought the wrong tuxedo!
This is at least 30 years old.
That's the one I wore on Jeremy's
stag night.
He'll think it's hilarious.
He'll think we're penniless.
We are.
There's a good girl.
Pass me that wash rag, will you?
Thank you.
You all right?
Yeah.
You know, all things considered.
You know what you need?
What's that?
You need a distraction.
Oh, do I now?
What are we thinking?
Well Come on.
..nah, mate, you're all right.
Come on, what were you thinking?
Well Come on.
..well, you would really be
helping me out.
After how much you've helped me out,
it's the least I could do.
Brilliant.
OK. OK.
Would you like to be my plus one
at Jeremy and Judith's
anniversary party?
ALARM SOUNDS
Argh! Front door.
Bloody French fire alarms.
Now, I want this to be centre stage.
That is Jeremy's family crest.
I want it to be heralded in gold and
blue balloons.
Angela, make sure that everyone
gets a party favour.
Yes, Madame.
Only one each, mind you, they have
been counted.
Capiche?Oui, Madame.
My God, I must be delirious.
I'm speaking French.
These have just arrived for you.
More flowers, really?
And where on Earth am I supposed to
put them?
Oh, hello, my cherub.
Oh, I see you got my flowers.
Oh, darling, I was just saying to
the girls, They are so lovely.
I just don't know where I'm going to
put them.
Now I have another little surprise
for you.
No, I haven't really got the time.
Yes, you do.
This will make you sparkle.
Now, close your eyes.
Open them.
It's coral, darling.
Symbolises 35 years devotion.
Oh, thank you, darling.
You're welcome.
Now, I have one more little surprise
for you.
Meet you at Lake Huron at 7pm.
Do we have to?
You promised!
I know, but
Hey, it's '80s theme and it's
fancy dress.
It is?
Why didn't you say?
I'll see you there.
I am walking on sunshine.
Oh, hang on, Don. I've got to go.
It's my estate agent.
OK, I'll speak to you later.
See you, love.
Hi, Barbara.
Hello, Jean.
Good news. I have a viewing for you.
You ready, my sweet?
Yes. Yes, I'm ready, darling.
Mary, what are you doing here?
When you said your sister couldn't
make it work, darling,
I said, "Well, old boy, it's up
to you to make it work."
So, here she is.
Yeah, it's funny.
I didn't get the first invite.
You look very well, Judith.
Fat!
What?
That's what you say when someone's
put weight on.
It's not good to be too thin
and as you get older.
A rule you obviously abide by.
Darling, it seems only fair if your
sibling's here,
mine should be here too.
Come in, you two!
Cressida and Harry!
Isn't this fantastic?
And it gets better.
Adele, bring it in.
Isn't this wonderful?
All the family together after
35 years.
Do you like what I've done with
the old place, Harry?
Oh, do you remember when Walter fell
down that well?
You cried for days!
I loved that dog.
Drinkies all around.
Have you come as Lady Diana?
I'm Simon Le Bon.
He's quite indie, actually,
cos I've always had a look of
Cyndi Lauper.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Judith does know how to throw
a good do.
And the sense in keeping your
enemies close,
If you know what I mean?
Right, we ready?
Let's do it.
Oh, sorry.
Hello, you.
Dad?
Look at you.
You look wonderful.
Takes me right back to when you were
a teenager.
Sunday lunch times at the
Golden Goose.
What was that song you used to sing?
Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad.
That's it.
You look just like him tonight.
Dad. I've modelled myself on Joan
Jett, not Meat Loaf.
I'm only pulling your leg.
I knew that.
What are you doing here, Dad?
You never called.
I just thought I'd come and see my
favourite little girl.
Nothing wrong with that, is there?
I just needed a change of scene for
a while.
A while?
A couple of weeks?
Days?
Couple of nights. Here.
Take my keys and let yourself in.
I have a party to go to.
I'll be back later.
You're a good girl.
See you.
Say cheese.
Spins a lot but it keeps them going.
Oh. Thank you.
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Waste not, want not.
There you are.
Where have you been?
You said that your phone was easy
to work.
Can't find the song.
I can't find the song.
You want to do the dance now?
Yes!
Excuse moi.
Please, can you press play when
Judith has finished her speech?
I am very busy.
Yeah, sure.
Hello, everyone.
Hello. Hello.
Thank you all so much for
coming tonight.
I am a very lucky woman to have
fallen in love with
such a wonderful man.
And I am also lucky enough still to
fit into the dress I wore
when I married that wonderful man.
Not many of us can say that.
Can we, girls?
We are now going to re-enact our
first dance.
So would you please welcome to the
stage the once famous, Celine.
APPLAUSE
Hang on, Dad.
You promised me a band.
# I believe in miracles
# Where're you from, you sexy thing,
# You sexy thang you #
Just turn the key and lift
the handle a bit, dad.
All right. OK.
See you later. Bye, dad.
# I believe in miracles
# Since you came along
You sexy thing you. ♪
# Oh yeah
# Oh yeah
# Where did you come from baby #
SCREAMS
Ladies and gentlemen, you may all go
home now.
But we require everyone to present
their passports at the station
as soon as possible.
Where they will be held until our
investigations are complete.
And, of course, we will be requiring
statements from everyone.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
I have a bridge final in Maidstone
on Thursday.
Please accept my apologies if the
loss of a life
interferes with your travel plans.
I'm sure your insurance companies
will be able to help.
What's happening?
Somebody please just tell me what's
going on?!
It's all right, darling. I'm here!
Now, come along.
Thank you very much, inspector.
CROWD MURMURING
Sorry.
Would it be impolite to ask you
a question?
Not at all.
The huge brooch on the turban that
Mary was wearing?
Have you got it?
Brooch?
Yeah, it was on the turban now.
I think I know what it is, but,
well, I can't be quite certain.
There was no brooch.
They need to find it because I think
that is a very valuable
piece of jewellery.
Would it be impolite for me to ask
for your assistance
on this case, Madame?
What are you doing up at this hour?
I've got a mouse like the bottom of
a cat's tray.
Comment?
Je suis feeling rough.
I'll have one of them.
I feel as rough as a
Badger's backside.
And when was the last time you felt
one of those, grandad?
You're not too big to get a clip
round the ear all, you know.
What have you come as?
Where's that coffee, Xavi?
How'd your party go?
Someone died.
Judith's sister.
At the party.
Judith was inconsolable.
Never thought I'd actually
hear myself say this,
but I felt sorry for her.
Don't you worry, love, your old
dad's here now.
Oh, thanks, dad.
Merci.
So, what brings you here, then, dad?
Well, to see you lot, of course.
And I've got a bit of business
as well.
And what are your plans for today?
Go for a little stroll.
This is where they must have got in.
And you're definitely sure it
was poison.
The doctor is almost certain.
Of course, we have to wait for
confirmation from the coroner.
Excuse me.
JUDITH CRYING
Come on, he'll tell us, darling.
Any further developments, Carol?
It does look like poison.
Don't worry darling, I've got you.
Judith, Jeremy.
May I offer my condolences?
Thank you.
Would it be too insensitive to ask
you a couple of questions here
rather than at the station?
Of course.
What was your relationship
to the deceased?
Would you like me to answer
that, Darling?
Mary was Judith, older sister.
In fact, the reason I met Judith,
she was housekeeper
to Harry and Cressida.
Judith came along one day to pick
her up and, well, the rest,
as they say, is history.
Harry and Cressida?
My brother and sister in law.
Were they at the party?
Yes, they're still here.
They're staying at Luto
Why do you have to keep talking
about it?!
It's all right.
It's not all right!
It's far from all right, Jeremy!
It's It's happened.
It'll never beall right.
Sorry. Sorry, everyone, it's all
just a bit much.
It's the shock, I think.
The shock of it all.
SOBBING: I spent
so long organising the whole thing.
JUDITH SOBS
It's all right.
PHONE VIBRATES
You seem pretty certain about this
blue stone
from one glance, Madame White.
Well, I've only ever seen that
colour and clarity of stone
once before, but never seen one
that size.
The one I saw was mined in the
Santa Maria mines
in Brazil in the '50s.
The sumptuousness of theof
the stone,
it was unmistakable.And valuable?
Well, the one I saw was a quarter
of the size of the brooch,
and that sold for over £5,000.
Oh. Was that in Mary's bag, too?
Can I have a look?
Er, yes.
Oh, thank you.
Oh.
Now, this This is a Victorian
mourning locket.
Do you see the lock of hair?
Macabre.
Well, they can be.
They were made fashionable by
Queen Victoria
when Prince Albert died, but the
idea was around way before then.
I saw one at an exhibition at
Buckingham Palace,
which is said to contain the hair of
Charles I, but
Madame White, I wonder if I could
make you an offer.
Your knowledge and expertise
is something I greatly admire.
Oh, thank you.
And something I'm greatly
in need of.
Oh?Sainte Victoire is the epicentre
of antiques.
Forgery is rife,
and my knowledge is not
as great as it should be.
Or, as my wife would say,
I am ignorant.
That's a bit harsh.
Would you be interested in assisting
me as my adviser?
I could pay you a small salary.
It would be of great help.
Oh, wow, I'd love to.
Thank you, Caron.
My pleasure.
Socan I take a picture
of this, then?
Of course.
Do you know, there's only two things
in life
that I'm really, really
passionate about?
And what might they be?
Beautiful women and good rugby.
So, what position do you play?
THEY LAUGH
PHONE VIBRATES
JEAN SIGHS
Where have I seen you before?
Sorry, I'm late, love.
DOG WOOFS
Oh, with Dad visiting, it's like
living in a Carry On film.
Can't stop long, I'm getting me
toes done.
Fancy a cuppa?Yeah, go on,
quick one.
What a terrible end to the
party, eh?
I know, isn't it awful?
Between me and you
..something was stolen, too.Really?
A brooch. Belonged to Mary,
the lady who died.
Valuable?
I think so.
Ooh, that's nice.
Oh, that
..is a Victoria mourning locket.
So you'd have a lock of the
deceased's hair on one side
and the family crest on the other.
Eurgh.
Whose hair is it in the locket?
I don't know.
That's Jeremy's family crest
on the other side.
What?They have it stamped
on everything.
Lady of the manor
would have it stamped on her
forehead if she could.
Say "cheese".
CAMERA CLICKS
Is the sister-in-law all right?
Did she need stitches?
Gloria, it was the sister who died.
I know that. I mean her
sister-in-law. Cressida.
The one with the cut hand.
I'm not with you.
When I was talking to me dad, I saw
her coming out of the French doors.
She was holding her hand
in a scarf covered in blood.
I put my phone away, but
when I looked up, she'd gone.
You sure?
Yeah, I'd only had half a lager
and lime.
The hair.
Of course.
Can you give me a lift to the
Hotel Bien?
Sorry, love, I'm going the
other way.
Oh, it's OK, it's OK. Don't worry.
CRESSIDA:I distinctly asked for
sourdough bread.
HARRY:Oh, for God's sake, that's
all they had.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Ready? Ready.
Now what?
Oh, hello.
And to what do we owe the pleasure?
Tell them we're not paying
for this rubbish.
Erm, we wondered if we could
have a word
..about Mary.
What about Mary? If you'll
excuse us,
we are trying to have some lunch.
I have a witness who saw you coming
away from the scene of the murder
with an injured hand.
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
Cressida?
Cressida, what have you done?
It's not what you think.
Did you kill Mary because of
the affair?
I wanted to confront her.
About this.
Handwritten by her.
I found it in your old tuxedo
from Jeremy's stag.
I don't know what you're
talking about.
Years of illiterately scrawled
shopping lists
made me recognise her
writing immediately.
When we were first married,
we used to laugh about the way
she fawned over you.
When you decided to get rid of her,
I understood why.
Darling Then all of a sudden
she returned.
You blamed your father for wanting
her back.
You don't know what you're talking
about, darling.
Don't you lie to me any more.
How long was Mary away for?
After about a year, she was back.
I should have realised then.
Darling, it's all in your
beautiful head.
Mary carried this with her
in her handbag.
You
..gave this
..to that repugnant woman?
Your hair, your crest
around her neck.
How dare you?
She was more of a woman than you
will ever be.
Not any more.
Cressida
..did you kill Mary?
No.
I didn't kill her.
Much as I wanted to.
She was clearly dead
when I got there.
She was lying on the chaise longue,
blood coming out of her mouth.
CAR DOOR CLOSES,
DOG BARKS
I heard a noise outside,
and as I went to leave
..I cut my wrist on a broken window.
Have you made your statement yet?
I'll go now.
Everything has been a lie,
hasn't it?
Everything.
We've got to get back
to the chateau.
What? What you on about?
She's got the perfect motive.
It's a crime of passion.
They'll go easy on her.
Something's not right.
Caron, it's me.
Have you still got all
the passports?
They were in love.
But it's beyond belief.
He always said he couldn't
stand her.
He said the father only used her
because she was so cheap.
Sometimes he was so rude to her.
I used to say, "Hey, remember,
that's Judith's sister."
We were also shocked when he gave
her mum a sapphire
as a retirement gift.
I thought it was guilt.
It all makes sense now.
Judith is distraught.
I'm sure she is.
She was so excited about
the chocolate fountain.
Erm, may I use your bathroom?
Yes, of course.
Dom, please.
Angela.
Ah, oui?
I'm I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm just a bit concerned
about Judith.
Do you think she's going to be OK?
Oh, I think she will be fine.
You've not been here long, have you?
I'm new, too.
How are you finding it?
Sainte Victoire does take a little
bit of getting used to, doesn't it?
You're not wrong.
Where are you from?
Marseille.
Where are you really from?
I just told you. Marseille.
You know, if you don't tell
the truth, you could go to jail.
It seems rotten wasting
your entire life on a lie.
I do not know what you're
talking about.
Mary was your mother, wasn't she?
And Harry is your father.
I do not know who these people
are that you're talking about.
Please, Angela.
It's over.
SHE SIGHS
How did you know?
It was something Cressida said
about Mary being sacked for nearly
a year.
Yes, thatthat would have been
when I was born.
How did you know it was me?
Oh. The charger you used
at the party,
you had a British adaptor, and when
you filled Gloria's glass up,
your accent dropped a little bit.
Waste not, want not.
I mean, I wasn't sure.
But I, erm, I checked your passport
with Caron.
How did Mary not recognise you?
JEAN GASPS
Of course.
Red hair.
Yes.
I'm the dirty little secret
nobody wanted.
Dumped into a care home.
When you're old enough, they give
you a folder
with your basic details.
That's when I decided I wanted
to find her.
Are you Mary?
Hello, darling.
Hello, darling.Mary was lovely
at first.
OK, have a great week.
Everything I'd ever wanted her
to be.
Bye, darling.All right. See ya.
But one day she told me
shehad to stop seeing me
out of respect for her dead
husband's memory.
PHONE DINGS
And she told me by text.
She broke my heart again.
Every time I saw her, she wore
that blue brooch.
She said it was worth a lot
of money,
but would always be priceless to
her because
..my father had given it to her
as a gift.
My father. That's a laugh, isn't it?
I saw that brooch as my inheritance.
She'd been posting on social media
about coming to the chateau
for a big party, so I just jumped
on a train and I come over.
What were you planning to do?
I don't know.
But then this job turned up,
and I thought
Oh, I don't know what I thought.
What were you going to do
with the brooch?
Found a dealer online who agreed
to buy it off me.
And who was this dealer?
No idea.
We met up.
Somehow she got the whole
story out of me.
I broke down, and she promised
to help.
She even came up with a plan.
When Mary was asleep,
I slipped into her hotel room.
SNORING
It's about to take the brooch
when the fire alarm went off.
FIRE ALARM BLARES
Oh, shut the front door!
It woke Mary up.
So, the next time, she
..gave me something that would help
Mary sleep
..so I could steal the
brooch easily.
The party was so busy, it was easy
to slip
the sleeping powder into her drink.
When I come into the lounge,
she was asleep on the chaise longue.
I took the brooch off the turban,
and I went to give it to the dealer
who was waiting outside.
But the window was stuck,
and I panicked.
Got my champagne bottle and I've
smashed a pane of glass.
I handed the brooch to the dealer,
who was waiting outside,
and just went back into the party.
She said it would make her sleep.
I didn't want her to die.
I promise.
So where's the brooch now?
I don't know.
Well, the dealer won't take my
calls. She's disappeared.
It's gone.
I just wanted what was mine,
and now it's gone.
FOOTSTEPS
SHE SOBS
Ah, here they are.
Dom, I think you'd better
call Caron.
Et voila.
Bonjour.
Oscar, how are you?Salut.
Just you wait till you see
what I've got for you.
What can I get you?
Cognac. Two cognacs over there.
I'll bring them over. Merci.
I have to say, I've not seen
a collection
as good as this for years.
I really haven't.
You just have a look.
All in alphabetical order,
all signed and in mint condition.
Just look at these.
Hey, how about that one?
Oh, I love that album.
Although someone scribbled
all over it.
That is Nat King Cole's
autograph, love.
No, it's not.
No offence, love, but what would
you know?
My dad played saxophone
for Quincy Jones.
They played with
Nat at the Olympia in Paris, 1960.
Ah.
There.
That's Nat King Cole's signature.
Love.
HE SIGHS
# You were the last
# Of the daydream chances
# Drunk the last of the violet gin
# The first time that I saw
# Was the last time you let me in
# You drank the last of the
holy water
# The last your lips would touch
# She stained it with the blood
of your hands
# It seems you had too much
# You and me in the
spring time, honey
Where the flowers bloom ♪
All right, Dad?
Am I ever. Contact in Paris reckons
his sister's cousin's
got a leather jacket that might have
once belonged to Johnny Hallyday.
Tres bien. Good to see you, kid.
You too, Dad.
I'll be in touch.All right.
Ooh. Can I keep the kimono?
I found the aeration was good for
meTake it.
Bye.
BELL TOLLS
Poor girl.
PHONE DINGS
She must have been desperate to
go to them lengths.
Mm.
Oh, my God.
What?
It's her.
Again.
Say cheese.
# Kiss you under the moonlight
# Girl you are the one
# We've got to celebrate this now
# We've got to celebrate this now. #
Hello.
Hello, everyone.
Thank you all very much for
coming tonight.
I am a very lucky woman to have
fallen in love with
such a wonderful man.
We are not going to re-enact our
first dance.
So would you please welcome
to the stage.
The once famous Celine.
You promised me a band.
# I believe in miracles
# Where're you from,
# You sexy thing
# You sexy thang you
# I believe in miracles
# Since you came along,
# You sexy thing. #
# Do you remember the first time
# That my eyes set on you
# Your smile came from nowhere
# For some time never
# Or some time soon
# The road is a long one
# I was only passing through
# I was only passing through. #
Merci.
It's so lovely here.
Never used to be.
What?
This place. Proper daunt when I
got here.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Drugs, gambling.
You had to wipe your feet on the
way out.
Blimey.
In the end, the police closed
it down.
It was falling apart for ages.
Their nan and Celine turned up and
transformed it,
changed the village.
So, when did you get here, then?
20 years ago, just ask Xavi.
Oh, so Xavi's dad is French?
Long story.
So, when do you get your ring back?
Oh, I don't know.
Sick of asking.
The only thing he left me that's
worth anything
and I can't get my hands on it.
Still go to text him, you know, see
something funny, and I think,
Oh, Rory, I love this.
It was all a lie, wasn't it?
What do I do now?
Choose the parts I want to believe?
My own version of events?
I think we all have to do that to
some extent.
Remember when my mum was dying?
I used to look at all the women my
age in the hospital,
caring for the mums
and think about how we were all
members of the same club.
A club you don't want to be in.
loss can be a cruel mistress.
You might want to rephrase that
under the circumstances.
When I asked for a subtle
ice sculpture,
I didn't want one that would sink
the Titanic.
I wanted to Dove's intertwined.
It looks like two rabid dogs
ravishing a bone.
What?
It might have started to melt?
So, why on God's Earth did you send
it so early?
Well, I'm afraid you're going to
have to get rid of it, darling.
It is an eyesore.
What?
Well, you can think again,
if you think that I am
going to be breaking it up myself,
I want it gone by 3pm.
Good grief, it's just almost
impossible to get any decent
service over here.
Well, no offence, dear.
None taken.
So your CV, let's have a look.
You're from Marseille and you've had
lots of experience.
Oui, Madame.
I worked for two private houses
there and was also involved
in the catering.
I can't see your references here.
Oh, so sorry, Madame, I thought
you were attached.
I will print them out
Don't bother, dear.
I only ask for Jeremy.
I never read them anyway.
OK, then you all through to the
next round.
You know, I like you, Angela, but I
have one final test.
It shows me the measure of a woman.
Could you demonstrate for me your
fanciest fold?
She's going to love it, I
promise you.
She's coming over.
I'll see you later.
No, no, no, no.
She's going to be
absolutely thrilled.
Oh, thank goodness for that.
Someone with a degree of skill.
Merci.
May I say, what a beautiful house
you have here.
Oh, how kind.
You know, we actually got
married here.
Really? Yes.
Anyway, could you start tomorrow?
Of course.
No problem.
Anything else?
No, that's all for now.
See you bright and early tomorrow
at, 6:00 am. Start.
Well, you won't see me at such a
ghastly hour, of course.
Adele will let you in.
Merci.
Oh, sorry. I mean, goodbye.
Good. That's all sorted then.
I brought my own tea
making facilities.
But you can't be too careful,
can you?
My friend went to France once
and caught something dreadful
from a kettle.
You can't be too careful with
foreign water.
Are you OK?
You're a bit quiet today.
I'm scared, Dom.
I am.
And if she can kill once, she can do
it again and I might be next.
You're not on your own, you know?
No, Dom, that's just it.
I am on my own.
Fomalhaut is sometimes called
the loneliest star
because it's the brightest star in
that region of the sky.
What?
Well, you're not that, you know, on
your own in the universe.
There are other stars twinkling
right alongside you.
Right.
That sounded a bit more profound in
my head.
So, what happened with Xavi's
dad then?
I asked Gloria this morning and she
just clammed up.
I honestly don't know.
There was a rumour he was a
missionary or something.
Gloria? Was with a missionary?
I know. It's weird.
I've never seen her with a
man since.
Oh, he's better off without her.
Um, present company excepted.
You should have printed it
out, darling.
I didn't need to print it
out, darling,
because I knew I would remember it.
Clearly not.
Yes.
We'd like to check in.
Could somebody take our bags?
We don't have a porter.
Oh, how utterly ridiculous.
How can you call yourselves
a hotel?
Well, we don't call ourselves a
hotel because we're a pub.
I think you might be looking for
hotel villa up the street.
The female of the species, eh?
Not too bad, considering.
Happy then?
I wouldn't go that far.
Trust that sister in law of yours
not to let us stay at the chateau.
I mean, for God's sake,
it is your family's.
You know, full, well, Jeremy
bought it.
And let's not go through
all that again, please.
And whose fault is that?
I'm going to take a shower.
For goodness' sake, Harry, you
brought the wrong tuxedo!
This is at least 30 years old.
That's the one I wore on Jeremy's
stag night.
He'll think it's hilarious.
He'll think we're penniless.
We are.
There's a good girl.
Pass me that wash rag, will you?
Thank you.
You all right?
Yeah.
You know, all things considered.
You know what you need?
What's that?
You need a distraction.
Oh, do I now?
What are we thinking?
Well Come on.
..nah, mate, you're all right.
Come on, what were you thinking?
Well Come on.
..well, you would really be
helping me out.
After how much you've helped me out,
it's the least I could do.
Brilliant.
OK. OK.
Would you like to be my plus one
at Jeremy and Judith's
anniversary party?
ALARM SOUNDS
Argh! Front door.
Bloody French fire alarms.
Now, I want this to be centre stage.
That is Jeremy's family crest.
I want it to be heralded in gold and
blue balloons.
Angela, make sure that everyone
gets a party favour.
Yes, Madame.
Only one each, mind you, they have
been counted.
Capiche?Oui, Madame.
My God, I must be delirious.
I'm speaking French.
These have just arrived for you.
More flowers, really?
And where on Earth am I supposed to
put them?
Oh, hello, my cherub.
Oh, I see you got my flowers.
Oh, darling, I was just saying to
the girls, They are so lovely.
I just don't know where I'm going to
put them.
Now I have another little surprise
for you.
No, I haven't really got the time.
Yes, you do.
This will make you sparkle.
Now, close your eyes.
Open them.
It's coral, darling.
Symbolises 35 years devotion.
Oh, thank you, darling.
You're welcome.
Now, I have one more little surprise
for you.
Meet you at Lake Huron at 7pm.
Do we have to?
You promised!
I know, but
Hey, it's '80s theme and it's
fancy dress.
It is?
Why didn't you say?
I'll see you there.
I am walking on sunshine.
Oh, hang on, Don. I've got to go.
It's my estate agent.
OK, I'll speak to you later.
See you, love.
Hi, Barbara.
Hello, Jean.
Good news. I have a viewing for you.
You ready, my sweet?
Yes. Yes, I'm ready, darling.
Mary, what are you doing here?
When you said your sister couldn't
make it work, darling,
I said, "Well, old boy, it's up
to you to make it work."
So, here she is.
Yeah, it's funny.
I didn't get the first invite.
You look very well, Judith.
Fat!
What?
That's what you say when someone's
put weight on.
It's not good to be too thin
and as you get older.
A rule you obviously abide by.
Darling, it seems only fair if your
sibling's here,
mine should be here too.
Come in, you two!
Cressida and Harry!
Isn't this fantastic?
And it gets better.
Adele, bring it in.
Isn't this wonderful?
All the family together after
35 years.
Do you like what I've done with
the old place, Harry?
Oh, do you remember when Walter fell
down that well?
You cried for days!
I loved that dog.
Drinkies all around.
Have you come as Lady Diana?
I'm Simon Le Bon.
He's quite indie, actually,
cos I've always had a look of
Cyndi Lauper.
Oh, yeah?
Hey, Judith does know how to throw
a good do.
And the sense in keeping your
enemies close,
If you know what I mean?
Right, we ready?
Let's do it.
Oh, sorry.
Hello, you.
Dad?
Look at you.
You look wonderful.
Takes me right back to when you were
a teenager.
Sunday lunch times at the
Golden Goose.
What was that song you used to sing?
Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad.
That's it.
You look just like him tonight.
Dad. I've modelled myself on Joan
Jett, not Meat Loaf.
I'm only pulling your leg.
I knew that.
What are you doing here, Dad?
You never called.
I just thought I'd come and see my
favourite little girl.
Nothing wrong with that, is there?
I just needed a change of scene for
a while.
A while?
A couple of weeks?
Days?
Couple of nights. Here.
Take my keys and let yourself in.
I have a party to go to.
I'll be back later.
You're a good girl.
See you.
Say cheese.
Spins a lot but it keeps them going.
Oh. Thank you.
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Waste not, want not.
There you are.
Where have you been?
You said that your phone was easy
to work.
Can't find the song.
I can't find the song.
You want to do the dance now?
Yes!
Excuse moi.
Please, can you press play when
Judith has finished her speech?
I am very busy.
Yeah, sure.
Hello, everyone.
Hello. Hello.
Thank you all so much for
coming tonight.
I am a very lucky woman to have
fallen in love with
such a wonderful man.
And I am also lucky enough still to
fit into the dress I wore
when I married that wonderful man.
Not many of us can say that.
Can we, girls?
We are now going to re-enact our
first dance.
So would you please welcome to the
stage the once famous, Celine.
APPLAUSE
Hang on, Dad.
You promised me a band.
# I believe in miracles
# Where're you from, you sexy thing,
# You sexy thang you #
Just turn the key and lift
the handle a bit, dad.
All right. OK.
See you later. Bye, dad.
# I believe in miracles
# Since you came along
You sexy thing you. ♪
# Oh yeah
# Oh yeah
# Where did you come from baby #
SCREAMS
Ladies and gentlemen, you may all go
home now.
But we require everyone to present
their passports at the station
as soon as possible.
Where they will be held until our
investigations are complete.
And, of course, we will be requiring
statements from everyone.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
I have a bridge final in Maidstone
on Thursday.
Please accept my apologies if the
loss of a life
interferes with your travel plans.
I'm sure your insurance companies
will be able to help.
What's happening?
Somebody please just tell me what's
going on?!
It's all right, darling. I'm here!
Now, come along.
Thank you very much, inspector.
CROWD MURMURING
Sorry.
Would it be impolite to ask you
a question?
Not at all.
The huge brooch on the turban that
Mary was wearing?
Have you got it?
Brooch?
Yeah, it was on the turban now.
I think I know what it is, but,
well, I can't be quite certain.
There was no brooch.
They need to find it because I think
that is a very valuable
piece of jewellery.
Would it be impolite for me to ask
for your assistance
on this case, Madame?
What are you doing up at this hour?
I've got a mouse like the bottom of
a cat's tray.
Comment?
Je suis feeling rough.
I'll have one of them.
I feel as rough as a
Badger's backside.
And when was the last time you felt
one of those, grandad?
You're not too big to get a clip
round the ear all, you know.
What have you come as?
Where's that coffee, Xavi?
How'd your party go?
Someone died.
Judith's sister.
At the party.
Judith was inconsolable.
Never thought I'd actually
hear myself say this,
but I felt sorry for her.
Don't you worry, love, your old
dad's here now.
Oh, thanks, dad.
Merci.
So, what brings you here, then, dad?
Well, to see you lot, of course.
And I've got a bit of business
as well.
And what are your plans for today?
Go for a little stroll.
This is where they must have got in.
And you're definitely sure it
was poison.
The doctor is almost certain.
Of course, we have to wait for
confirmation from the coroner.
Excuse me.
JUDITH CRYING
Come on, he'll tell us, darling.
Any further developments, Carol?
It does look like poison.
Don't worry darling, I've got you.
Judith, Jeremy.
May I offer my condolences?
Thank you.
Would it be too insensitive to ask
you a couple of questions here
rather than at the station?
Of course.
What was your relationship
to the deceased?
Would you like me to answer
that, Darling?
Mary was Judith, older sister.
In fact, the reason I met Judith,
she was housekeeper
to Harry and Cressida.
Judith came along one day to pick
her up and, well, the rest,
as they say, is history.
Harry and Cressida?
My brother and sister in law.
Were they at the party?
Yes, they're still here.
They're staying at Luto
Why do you have to keep talking
about it?!
It's all right.
It's not all right!
It's far from all right, Jeremy!
It's It's happened.
It'll never beall right.
Sorry. Sorry, everyone, it's all
just a bit much.
It's the shock, I think.
The shock of it all.
SOBBING: I spent
so long organising the whole thing.
JUDITH SOBS
It's all right.
PHONE VIBRATES
You seem pretty certain about this
blue stone
from one glance, Madame White.
Well, I've only ever seen that
colour and clarity of stone
once before, but never seen one
that size.
The one I saw was mined in the
Santa Maria mines
in Brazil in the '50s.
The sumptuousness of theof
the stone,
it was unmistakable.And valuable?
Well, the one I saw was a quarter
of the size of the brooch,
and that sold for over £5,000.
Oh. Was that in Mary's bag, too?
Can I have a look?
Er, yes.
Oh, thank you.
Oh.
Now, this This is a Victorian
mourning locket.
Do you see the lock of hair?
Macabre.
Well, they can be.
They were made fashionable by
Queen Victoria
when Prince Albert died, but the
idea was around way before then.
I saw one at an exhibition at
Buckingham Palace,
which is said to contain the hair of
Charles I, but
Madame White, I wonder if I could
make you an offer.
Your knowledge and expertise
is something I greatly admire.
Oh, thank you.
And something I'm greatly
in need of.
Oh?Sainte Victoire is the epicentre
of antiques.
Forgery is rife,
and my knowledge is not
as great as it should be.
Or, as my wife would say,
I am ignorant.
That's a bit harsh.
Would you be interested in assisting
me as my adviser?
I could pay you a small salary.
It would be of great help.
Oh, wow, I'd love to.
Thank you, Caron.
My pleasure.
Socan I take a picture
of this, then?
Of course.
Do you know, there's only two things
in life
that I'm really, really
passionate about?
And what might they be?
Beautiful women and good rugby.
So, what position do you play?
THEY LAUGH
PHONE VIBRATES
JEAN SIGHS
Where have I seen you before?
Sorry, I'm late, love.
DOG WOOFS
Oh, with Dad visiting, it's like
living in a Carry On film.
Can't stop long, I'm getting me
toes done.
Fancy a cuppa?Yeah, go on,
quick one.
What a terrible end to the
party, eh?
I know, isn't it awful?
Between me and you
..something was stolen, too.Really?
A brooch. Belonged to Mary,
the lady who died.
Valuable?
I think so.
Ooh, that's nice.
Oh, that
..is a Victoria mourning locket.
So you'd have a lock of the
deceased's hair on one side
and the family crest on the other.
Eurgh.
Whose hair is it in the locket?
I don't know.
That's Jeremy's family crest
on the other side.
What?They have it stamped
on everything.
Lady of the manor
would have it stamped on her
forehead if she could.
Say "cheese".
CAMERA CLICKS
Is the sister-in-law all right?
Did she need stitches?
Gloria, it was the sister who died.
I know that. I mean her
sister-in-law. Cressida.
The one with the cut hand.
I'm not with you.
When I was talking to me dad, I saw
her coming out of the French doors.
She was holding her hand
in a scarf covered in blood.
I put my phone away, but
when I looked up, she'd gone.
You sure?
Yeah, I'd only had half a lager
and lime.
The hair.
Of course.
Can you give me a lift to the
Hotel Bien?
Sorry, love, I'm going the
other way.
Oh, it's OK, it's OK. Don't worry.
CRESSIDA:I distinctly asked for
sourdough bread.
HARRY:Oh, for God's sake, that's
all they had.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Ready? Ready.
Now what?
Oh, hello.
And to what do we owe the pleasure?
Tell them we're not paying
for this rubbish.
Erm, we wondered if we could
have a word
..about Mary.
What about Mary? If you'll
excuse us,
we are trying to have some lunch.
I have a witness who saw you coming
away from the scene of the murder
with an injured hand.
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
Cressida?
Cressida, what have you done?
It's not what you think.
Did you kill Mary because of
the affair?
I wanted to confront her.
About this.
Handwritten by her.
I found it in your old tuxedo
from Jeremy's stag.
I don't know what you're
talking about.
Years of illiterately scrawled
shopping lists
made me recognise her
writing immediately.
When we were first married,
we used to laugh about the way
she fawned over you.
When you decided to get rid of her,
I understood why.
Darling Then all of a sudden
she returned.
You blamed your father for wanting
her back.
You don't know what you're talking
about, darling.
Don't you lie to me any more.
How long was Mary away for?
After about a year, she was back.
I should have realised then.
Darling, it's all in your
beautiful head.
Mary carried this with her
in her handbag.
You
..gave this
..to that repugnant woman?
Your hair, your crest
around her neck.
How dare you?
She was more of a woman than you
will ever be.
Not any more.
Cressida
..did you kill Mary?
No.
I didn't kill her.
Much as I wanted to.
She was clearly dead
when I got there.
She was lying on the chaise longue,
blood coming out of her mouth.
CAR DOOR CLOSES,
DOG BARKS
I heard a noise outside,
and as I went to leave
..I cut my wrist on a broken window.
Have you made your statement yet?
I'll go now.
Everything has been a lie,
hasn't it?
Everything.
We've got to get back
to the chateau.
What? What you on about?
She's got the perfect motive.
It's a crime of passion.
They'll go easy on her.
Something's not right.
Caron, it's me.
Have you still got all
the passports?
They were in love.
But it's beyond belief.
He always said he couldn't
stand her.
He said the father only used her
because she was so cheap.
Sometimes he was so rude to her.
I used to say, "Hey, remember,
that's Judith's sister."
We were also shocked when he gave
her mum a sapphire
as a retirement gift.
I thought it was guilt.
It all makes sense now.
Judith is distraught.
I'm sure she is.
She was so excited about
the chocolate fountain.
Erm, may I use your bathroom?
Yes, of course.
Dom, please.
Angela.
Ah, oui?
I'm I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm just a bit concerned
about Judith.
Do you think she's going to be OK?
Oh, I think she will be fine.
You've not been here long, have you?
I'm new, too.
How are you finding it?
Sainte Victoire does take a little
bit of getting used to, doesn't it?
You're not wrong.
Where are you from?
Marseille.
Where are you really from?
I just told you. Marseille.
You know, if you don't tell
the truth, you could go to jail.
It seems rotten wasting
your entire life on a lie.
I do not know what you're
talking about.
Mary was your mother, wasn't she?
And Harry is your father.
I do not know who these people
are that you're talking about.
Please, Angela.
It's over.
SHE SIGHS
How did you know?
It was something Cressida said
about Mary being sacked for nearly
a year.
Yes, thatthat would have been
when I was born.
How did you know it was me?
Oh. The charger you used
at the party,
you had a British adaptor, and when
you filled Gloria's glass up,
your accent dropped a little bit.
Waste not, want not.
I mean, I wasn't sure.
But I, erm, I checked your passport
with Caron.
How did Mary not recognise you?
JEAN GASPS
Of course.
Red hair.
Yes.
I'm the dirty little secret
nobody wanted.
Dumped into a care home.
When you're old enough, they give
you a folder
with your basic details.
That's when I decided I wanted
to find her.
Are you Mary?
Hello, darling.
Hello, darling.Mary was lovely
at first.
OK, have a great week.
Everything I'd ever wanted her
to be.
Bye, darling.All right. See ya.
But one day she told me
shehad to stop seeing me
out of respect for her dead
husband's memory.
PHONE DINGS
And she told me by text.
She broke my heart again.
Every time I saw her, she wore
that blue brooch.
She said it was worth a lot
of money,
but would always be priceless to
her because
..my father had given it to her
as a gift.
My father. That's a laugh, isn't it?
I saw that brooch as my inheritance.
She'd been posting on social media
about coming to the chateau
for a big party, so I just jumped
on a train and I come over.
What were you planning to do?
I don't know.
But then this job turned up,
and I thought
Oh, I don't know what I thought.
What were you going to do
with the brooch?
Found a dealer online who agreed
to buy it off me.
And who was this dealer?
No idea.
We met up.
Somehow she got the whole
story out of me.
I broke down, and she promised
to help.
She even came up with a plan.
When Mary was asleep,
I slipped into her hotel room.
SNORING
It's about to take the brooch
when the fire alarm went off.
FIRE ALARM BLARES
Oh, shut the front door!
It woke Mary up.
So, the next time, she
..gave me something that would help
Mary sleep
..so I could steal the
brooch easily.
The party was so busy, it was easy
to slip
the sleeping powder into her drink.
When I come into the lounge,
she was asleep on the chaise longue.
I took the brooch off the turban,
and I went to give it to the dealer
who was waiting outside.
But the window was stuck,
and I panicked.
Got my champagne bottle and I've
smashed a pane of glass.
I handed the brooch to the dealer,
who was waiting outside,
and just went back into the party.
She said it would make her sleep.
I didn't want her to die.
I promise.
So where's the brooch now?
I don't know.
Well, the dealer won't take my
calls. She's disappeared.
It's gone.
I just wanted what was mine,
and now it's gone.
FOOTSTEPS
SHE SOBS
Ah, here they are.
Dom, I think you'd better
call Caron.
Et voila.
Bonjour.
Oscar, how are you?Salut.
Just you wait till you see
what I've got for you.
What can I get you?
Cognac. Two cognacs over there.
I'll bring them over. Merci.
I have to say, I've not seen
a collection
as good as this for years.
I really haven't.
You just have a look.
All in alphabetical order,
all signed and in mint condition.
Just look at these.
Hey, how about that one?
Oh, I love that album.
Although someone scribbled
all over it.
That is Nat King Cole's
autograph, love.
No, it's not.
No offence, love, but what would
you know?
My dad played saxophone
for Quincy Jones.
They played with
Nat at the Olympia in Paris, 1960.
Ah.
There.
That's Nat King Cole's signature.
Love.
HE SIGHS
# You were the last
# Of the daydream chances
# Drunk the last of the violet gin
# The first time that I saw
# Was the last time you let me in
# You drank the last of the
holy water
# The last your lips would touch
# She stained it with the blood
of your hands
# It seems you had too much
# You and me in the
spring time, honey
Where the flowers bloom ♪
All right, Dad?
Am I ever. Contact in Paris reckons
his sister's cousin's
got a leather jacket that might have
once belonged to Johnny Hallyday.
Tres bien. Good to see you, kid.
You too, Dad.
I'll be in touch.All right.
Ooh. Can I keep the kimono?
I found the aeration was good for
meTake it.
Bye.
BELL TOLLS
Poor girl.
PHONE DINGS
She must have been desperate to
go to them lengths.
Mm.
Oh, my God.
What?
It's her.
Again.