The Orville (2017) s01e03 Episode Script
About a Girl
1 Oh, my God.
She's so adorable.
And she's healthy.
15 pounds, two ounces.
About average for a newborn Moclan.
A female baby born to a member of an all-male species.
Yeah.
Bortus, this kid is one in a million.
ISAAC: In fact, a Moclan female is born roughly once every 75 years.
Well, here's to the only girl in town.
KLYDEN: If you all do not mind, I would like to be alone with my mate for a moment.
Totally fine.
We should be on the bridge, anyway.
Come on, guys.
Congrats, you two.
It must be done.
Yes.
I will make the arrangements.
Yaphit, there's nothing wrong with you.
Oh, I'm pretty sure there is, Doc.
I haven't been retaining fluids like I usually do.
My quarters look like a swamp.
It's a mess.
There's absolutely no evidence of fluid loss whatsoever.
And-and then there's this cough.
(COUGHS) Right? You don't have lungs, which means you don't have a cough.
Yaphit, you've been in sickbay three times this week.
I know what you're doing.
Claire, look, just let me take you out on one date.
If you have a crappy night, I promise I'll never ask you again.
Yaphit, no.
Besides, we're incompatible species.
It's impossible.
Huh? There's more where that came from.
Get out.
All right.
How's it going, man? - BORTUS: Dr.
Finn.
- Bortus, hi.
Hey, have you guys settled on a name for your little girl yet? We're all feeling a little funny just calling her "the baby.
" A name would be inappropriate at this time.
Doctor, I require your help.
Sure.
What do you need? It would take two weeks for the Orville to reach my home planet, Moclus, from our present location.
And I do not believe the captain would be able to divert course.
Therefore, Klyden and I would like you to perform the procedure.
What procedure? To conform our child.
To make her a male.
Bortus, there's no way in hell I'm doing that.
May I ask why not? You have to ask? Because I will not perform a sex change on a perfectly healthy newborn.
You ever hear of the Hippocratic Oath? It is my understanding that as a doctor, your duty is to cure illness.
Bortus, this is not an illness.
Your child was born female.
I got news for you.
It happens all the time.
My world is different than yours.
I would hope that you would respect that.
I am a Union doctor serving on a Union ship, and I will not perform a sex change on a newborn infant.
(GUNS COCKING) That's far enough, señor.
It's over, Vasquez.
Surrender now and maybe we'll ask the judge to go easy on you.
I think maybe you are blind, señor.
You're outnumbered, and my rifle is aimed at your head.
There's an entire regiment on the way.
Give yourself up or you die here.
You are bluffing.
There is no cavalry.
You willing to take that chance? (GUN HAMMER CLICKS) You shoot us, you'll hang for it.
Perhaps we settle this the traditional way.
You mean a showdown.
If that's the way you want it.
No, señor.
We will have a dance contest.
- Wait, what? - What is this, man? What-what This-this is where - we're supposed to have the showdown.
- Yeah.
What the hell is this? I have taken many years of jazz and tap.
If you can beat me in a dance-off, I will surrender.
Gordon, what the hell is going on, man? What is this? I messed around with the program.
I wanted, I wanted to mix it up a little bit.
You don't like it? I infuse many different styles of choreography to make the steps my own.
You will be defeated, señor.
(DOOR OPENS) Captain, I must speak with you immediately.
Bortus, can't it wait, man? We're in the middle of a game here.
It is a matter of great urgency.
(SIGHS) All right, I'll be back.
Hey, while I'm gone, fix this thing, huh? Okay.
Will do.
("GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN" BY CYNDI LAUPER PLAYING) All right, what is so urgent? You know, I get, like, one free hour a week.
Coffee.
Captain, Dr.
Finn has refused to perform a necessary medical procedure on my child.
Medical procedure? What kind? I thought she said your kid's totally healthy.
I have asked her to see to the conversion of my child to the male gender.
She has refused.
I request you order her to comply.
You want to perform a transgender operation on a baby? Bortus, that is completely unethical.
On my world, it would be unethical not to do so.
Why not just let the kid decide for herself when she's old enough? Captain, in human biology, is there not an occasional mutation called a cleft palate? Yeah, sure.
What happens to a child born with this condition? It's usually corrected right after birth, takes about 12 seconds.
And why do you not wait and let the child decide for himself whether he wishes to correct this condition? (LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
You're kidding, right? Bortus, that is completely different.
Being a girl is not a condition.
There are no health risks.
Having a vagina doesn't give you a-a lisp.
I mean, depending on how you use it.
It is different for my people.
On our planet, there are no females.
For you to judge us by human standards is unfair.
All right, look, even if I was not against this, we are on a Union ship.
And, for that matter, your planet is a member of the Union.
For me to order Claire to do something like this would be in violation of a hundred laws.
Captain, I implore you Bortus, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna do it.
All right? Request denied.
Dismissed.
(SIGHS) There's the son of a bitch.
How long until it collides with the planet? One month, 17 days.
Well, that gives us a little time.
Lieutenant Lamarr, activate cutting beam.
Have you checked in with Bortus? I gave him the rest of the day off.
He was pretty wound up.
I feel so sorry for that baby.
There's nothing sadder than an unwanted child.
(SIGHS) I got to believe, at the end of the day, he has an open-minded conscience.
Oh, are you guys talking about Bortus's baby's sex change? My God, does the whole ship know about this? - Yes.
- Pretty much.
Captain, I do not understand the reason for this conflict.
Would the gender alteration procedure harm the infant or endanger her life? There are different kinds of harm, Isaac.
Psychological harm, for one.
I'd have been pretty pissed off if my parents had made the unilateral decision to make me a guy.
And while it might have saved me an entire marriage if they had, - it still would have been wrong.
- Oh, thanks.
You guys don't think that Bortus and Klyden will love her any less than they would a male baby, do you? Well, they'd lose a lot of friends around here really fast if they did.
Sir, the asteroid is breaking up.
The tractor beam can now alter the path of the individual fragments.
Lieutenant, give them a shove.
All right, sir.
Shoving beam on.
Trajectory altered.
The fragments will no longer collide with Elnath 4.
Well, couldn't save a marriage, but we just saved a planet.
ALARA: Captain, we're receiving a transmission from Moclus.
It's from the head of Internal Affairs, a Minister Kaybrak.
Put him on.
Channel open.
Minister Kaybrak, this is Captain Ed Mercer.
What can I do for you? Captain, I am informing you that we are sending a ship to rendezvous with the Orville near the Pleiades cluster.
ED: A ship? We don't have any rendezvous orders.
What for? A vessel was requested by one of your officers.
We are coming to take the Moclan female.
I want you to tell me just what the hell you think you're doing.
You want to set up a rendezvous with another vessel, you go through Kelly or me.
I am sorry, Captain, I had no choice.
Don't give me that crap, Bortus.
You are a Union officer.
Do you have any idea the kind of position you're putting me in? I am not asking you to participate, sir.
Klyden and I will transfer the child to the Moclan vessel, where she will undergo the procedure.
The Orville need not be involved.
The Orville is involved, Bortus.
By the very fact that we are the ones transporting the baby.
What would you have us do, Captain? The doctor will not perform the procedure here, so we are left with no other alternative.
That baby was born on a Union ship to my second officer.
Which means that as long as she is aboard, her safety is my responsibility.
With all due respect, sir, we do not see it that way.
And I do not believe the Moclan ship will, either.
What does that mean? What, are you what, are you implying this could lead to a military conflict? Bortus, your people are members of the Union.
Which, by the way, could be jeopardized if the admiralty decides that this is unethical.
Do you see the size of all of this? Permission to return to my station, sir.
No, you're relieved of duty.
(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) (DOOR WHOOSHES SHUT) Thanks.
Thanks.
(BOTH SIGH) Kelly, we are doing the right thing here, yeah? What do you mean? Are you doubting it? Let's say you and I had a baby.
On purpose? Yeah, and-and imagine that baby was born with a third leg.
Like, a whole, full-sized leg? Yeah, like a, like an actual leg, with, like, a foot on the end of it and everything.
And we had the doctor remove it.
Now, no one would think twice about that, right? Even though there are species in the galaxy with three legs, we would be conforming that child to our species' appearance, and we wouldn't have any moral qualms about it.
Do you actually believe that's the same thing as changing a girl into a boy? No, I don't.
I-I'm just I'm just policing myself, because we all know how easy it is to judge another culture's way of life just because it's alien to us.
But you have to balance that against some universal code of ethics.
I mean, suppose it was their custom to kill all newborn females.
Should we respect their culture then? The Moclans view the female gender as a handicap.
There's one person on board who might be able to help.
You ready? I do not understand the purpose of this.
The purpose is to get you to blow off some steam.
I know you've been upset since the captain suspended you from duty.
I was unaware that blood sports were popular on Earth.
Mm, boxing's been gone a few centuries now, but Commander Grayson taught me the basics, and trust me, it's an art form.
It is my understanding that striking a fellow officer is a court-martial offense.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Although, a Xelayan female versus a Moclan? I'm sure the crew would love to take bets.
Here we go.
Round one, ding, ding.
What is "ding, ding"? Never mind.
Come on, put your hands up.
Protect your face.
(EXHALES) That's more like it.
Okay.
My turn.
(GRUNTING) Not bad for a female, huh? I am growing weary of my shipmates imposing their will upon my family.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe they're right? I will decide what is best for my child! (GROANS) (MOANS) (SIGHS) Bortus.
What happened to you? There was an explosion in engineering.
I am fine.
Why the ice pack? Dr.
Finn can repair your injury.
Do you not have somewhere you need to be? You are snippy.
I am not snippy.
Very well.
I'm going to get new clothing for our trip to Moclus.
Mind the baby.
Fine.
GORDON: Oh.
Sorry, Klyden.
Hey, yo, Bortus, mind if we come in? Now is not a good time.
What happened to your head? I said go away.
Listen, we feel really bad about everything that's been going on, so we thought you might need a little cheering up.
How about a beer and a movie? I am not in the mood.
Ah, come on.
You're laid up anyway.
What do you say? A couple of brews and an old Earth flick.
Huh? SANTA (OVER TV): Rudolph.
Rudolph, please.
- Would you tone it down a bit? - (RUDOLPH'S NOSE RINGING) I mean, that nose of yours.
I That nose.
That beautiful, wonderful nose.
RUDOLPH: Huh? Rudolph, Christmas is not off.
What I'm trying to say is, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight? It will be an honor, sir.
(CHEERING) Okay, Rudolph.
Full power.
(RUDOLPH'S NOSE RINGING) Up, up, up and away! (MOVIE STOPS PLAYING) Of course.
Without Rudolph's nose, Santa would not have been able to complete his voyage.
Looks like Santa got pretty lucky, huh? Christmas would have been ruined if Rudolph had been euthanized at birth, as his father wished.
Yeah, I don't I don't know if that was ever on the table.
What was clearly a deformity became a supreme advantage.
One can never know.
Please, watch the child for me.
I must find Klyden.
Yeah, no-no problem.
Hey, he just left his baby with two drunk dudes.
Reminds me of my dad.
Ah, I miss him.
Klyden, we must speak.
About what? I have had cause to reconsider the We require privacy.
Leave now! Wow.
Nice day to you, too, dick.
Klyden I believe we should leave our baby unaltered.
What? Bortus, you cannot be serious.
I am.
We must raise the child as a female.
Out of the question.
Why would you suggest such a thing? Because I have witnessed events that have opened my eyes.
We do not know what kind of future we are taking from her.
She may be destined to do great things as a female.
Impossible.
Klyden, you must hear the tale of Rudolph.
You will rethink your conviction, I promise you.
My conviction will not change.
You cannot be certain of that.
Indeed, I can.
- How? - Because I was born a female.
Klyden, how could you have kept this from me? I am your mate.
When we first met, I did not know.
My parents had the procedure done on Moclus soon after I was born.
And when did you find out? When you were assigned to the USS Clemens and I moved on board with you.
It was my first examination by a non-Moclan physician.
The doctor discovered evidence of the alteration.
I was unprepared.
And why did you not tell me then? (BABY CRYING) Because I did not want to lose you.
Klyden, I love you.
That has not changed.
I am angry because you withheld this from me.
You lied.
I did not believe it was of consequence.
That is not the reason, and you know it.
Your parents made this decision for you.
You do not know what your life would have been like.
I would have been an outcast.
Do not pretend otherwise.
Or perhaps you would have achieved glory for guiding Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.
- What? - (COMM BEEPING) KELLY: Bortus, the captain says get your ass up here.
The Moclan vessel is approaching.
(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) ED: As if all this couldn't get any more complicated.
I do not see any complication.
The child will be taken to Moclus, where she will undergo the corrective procedure.
Don't start passing out penises just yet, Captain Vorak.
The parents are in disagreement about what's best for the child.
In such an instance, the Moclan state is ethically bound to side with the parent in favor of correcting the condition.
"Condition.
" So to you people, being a woman is like having chronic diarrhea.
Look, Kel, I think we should focus on Hey, Doc, I'm not feeling well.
I've had the tits all day.
Captain Vorak, I will not allow that child to be taken off the Orville without Bortus's consent.
Look, I suggest we all just take a beat here, let the admiral sort this out.
In the meantime, you can hang out on our ship.
We have board games.
We have Scrabble.
We have Candy Land.
We have Monopoly.
You can be the car.
Ah, ah, Kel, I'm-I'm always the car.
Yeah, but maybe this one time, since he's our guest.
You can be the thimble.
The matter is settled.
We will depart for Moclus within the hour, and we will take the child with us.
I'm sorry, I can't allow that.
You will stand aside.
- I will not.
- Captain, do you require No.
Sit down, Bortus.
You are very fragile, Captain Mercer.
Are you aware of this? There's an antibullying law named after me.
Yes, I'm aware of it.
Captain Vorak, I formally request tribunal.
What? Bortus, you cannot.
It is the only way.
What's tribunal? Like, take it to court? In a manner of speaking.
We will be mocked and ridiculed.
Our shame will be on display for all.
Then do not compel our child to undergo the procedure.
It is irrelevant.
No advocate on Moclus would defend such a thing.
To my knowledge, the advocate need not be a Moclan.
Captain, I request that you be my advocate.
Wh You want me to be your lawyer? Yes.
No, I won't do it.
- BORTUS: Captain, I beg you.
- But Kelly will.
What? You took a year of interplanetary law - at Union Point, right? - Yeah.
One year.
Yeah, that's a year more than I've had.
Ed, I don't want this responsibility.
I cannot be the one to determine that child's Commander.
Please.
I'll do my best.
Mercer to bridge.
Set a course for Moclus.
GORDON: Aye, sir.
Our ship will accompany you there.
How do I know you will not flee with the infant? Klyden and I will travel with you on board your ship.
We will bring the child.
Very well.
(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) Safe travels, Bortus.
We'll see you soon.
"Between soul and sacrifice beats the heart of civilization.
" What's that from? It is from a novel by Gondus Elden, a Moclan writer of great esteem.
It is customary to respond with a fitting passage from the literature of one's own planet.
"I'm a survivor.
"I'm not gon' give up.
"I'm not gon' stop.
I'm-a work harder.
" Those are words of great power.
Who wrote them? I think it was actually about 15 different people.
They must be very wise, these 15 people.
Well, you should, uh, probably get going.
(DOOR CLOSES) CLAIRE: I hate this planet.
They've completely industrialized the entire surface.
It's amazing they can even breathe.
Oh, my God, they're under attack.
Alara, those are testing zones.
What are you talking about? Moclus's primary industry is weapons manufacture, so they're a little fast and loose with their research and development.
They test explosives wherever the hell they want.
Oh, crap! Commander Grayson to Moclan Air Control.
What the hell are you bastards trying to do? MOCLAN: Our deepest apologies, Commander.
That testing zone was added this morning.
We neglected to include it in your flight plan.
That's great.
Thanks for thinking of us.
I'm gonna need a pair of pants brought to the landing site.
- We will have pants waiting for you.
- He's kidding.
No, I'm not.
Tribunal begins.
Advocate Kagus, please begin your inquiry.
Lieutenant Commander Bortus, how long have you and Klyden been mates? Six and a half years.
Tell me about your gomaskah, what you humans call "a first date.
" Klyden and I shared an evening meal at the dining establishment atop the Moclan Central Arcade.
We then played combat games in the environmental simulator.
Was it a pleasurable experience? Yes.
Between the two of us, Klyden and I shot 339 simulated combatants.
Hot date.
And is it your wish to deny your offspring that same experience? No.
However Are you aware that by electing to forego the gender correction procedure, you are condemning your child to a life of shame? She will forever be alone, an object of disgust.
Never will she experience a "first date.
" BORTUS: I have recently come to believe that we are unable to make such predictions with accuracy.
I feel the decision should be hers.
How generous of you.
However, by the time she is old enough to have developed the sense of self necessary to make that decision, the childhood damage will be done.
In all likelihood, she will despise you for not sparing her the pain when you had the chance.
That is a risk I am willing to take.
I am not.
(GAVEL POUNDS) Observers will remain silent.
My inquiry is complete.
Advocate Grayson, begin your inquiry.
Thank you.
Request Lieutenant Alara Kitan to the inquiry chair.
Advocate Kagus, why is it so bad to be born female? It is a serious birth defect, which severely limits the ability to function: biologically, intellectually and socially.
Interesting.
Let's look at the biological end of it.
What are the drawbacks? Females are weak.
They do not possess the physical strength necessary for effective participation in industrialized Moclan society.
Hmm.
Okay.
Arbitrator, would you be so kind as to loan me your gavel thingy? Thank you.
Advocate, would you do me a favor and reshape this cube? Impossible.
Why? It is solid titanium.
All right.
Alara, would you mind taking a whack at it? The tribunal will note that this female was more than strong enough to reshape the cube.
Show me a male in this chamber who can do the same.
KAGUS: Irrelevant.
She is Xelayan.
All members of their species possess elevated physical strength due to a high level of gravity on their home world.
In fact, if there were a Xelayan male here, he could reshape the titanium with half as much effort.
I think the tribunal will grant that since there's no Xelayan male present, that absurd statement is purely speculative.
Now, onto your assertion about male intellectual superiority.
Lieutenant Malloy, I'm gonna ask you a few questions that one might find on any basic test of adult knowledge.
Go for it.
These are gonna be kind of hard for you.
Sorry.
It's okay, Commander.
It's for the baby.
Let's start off with some Earth history.
A few hundred years ago, the continents of Earth were divided into separate nation states with individual sovereign governments.
What was the capital of the United States of America? Um pass.
No, it's-it's not a pass kind of thing.
Just give me your closest guess.
What was the capital of the United States of America? Nabisco? No.
- The moon? - Let's move on.
What are the four chambers of the human heart? The chamber of secrets, the chamber of horrors, the chamber of No, no, let me get you halfway.
There's the left and the right ventricle and the left and the right I would like to switch to movie trivia.
KELLY: Let's try one more.
In the year 2056, which genetic engineer discovered how to target and eradicate individual cancer cells? Doctor Bill Nye the Cancer Guy? Well, my point is made.
While this male may be the fleet's best pilot, he's also an idiot.
Sorry, Gordon.
Totally okay.
The tribunal must acknowledge that there is no valid claim for gender-based superiority.
Inquiry complete.
KAGUS: Dr.
Finn, it is my understanding that you refused to perform the gender alteration procedure on the child in question.
- Correct? - That's right.
No ethical doctor anywhere would do it.
Captain Mercer.
Tell me about your penis.
Uh did I miss a segue of some kind here? (LAUGHS) What? Are you, what is the term? Circumcised? Gosh, you know, I don't usually discuss that till the second date.
I will rephrase.
Are there cultures within the Union who circumcise their offspring? Yes, there are some.
Doctor, if a member of one of those races asked you to circumcise their infant, would you refuse? That's completely different.
How? It is a significant bodily alteration, and the infant has no say in the matter.
A circumcision is not a life-altering scenario.
And a life-altering scenario would be unfair to the child.
Yes, it would.
A life-altering scenario, such as a child shunned by Moclan society, planet-wide, that would be unfair indeed.
Thank you, Doctor, you've made my argument for me.
Mercer to Orville.
Go ahead, Captain.
Isaac, initiate a planet-wide scan of the Moclan surface using the following search filter.
(DIGITAL BEEPING AND TRILLING) Interesting, Captain.
Yeah.
I thought so, too.
Stand by.
Scanning now.
(BEEPS) Scan complete.
Transmitting data.
Mercer to Lamarr.
Lamarr here, sir.
As inconspicuously as you can, grab Alara and meet me at the shuttle.
We're taking a trip to the mountains.
It's got to be around here somewhere.
These are the exact coordinates.
There's a lot of thermal interference coming from beneath the surface.
It's hard to get a clear geographical reading.
- Wait.
- (DEVICE BEEPS) Wait.
Yeah, there it is.
Small cabin.
- 50 meters up.
- ED: Scan for life signs.
(DEVICE BEEPING) One life sign, Captain.
Coming from inside the cave.
That's it.
Come on.
(WATER DRIPPING IN DISTANCE) Hello? Is anyone here? FEMALE VOICE: Who are you? Arbitrator, this continued delay is unacceptable.
Advocate Grayson? If it please the Arbitrator, my colleagues are urging me to withhold closing until they return with their evidence.
It has been two hours.
Arbitrator, request compulsory adjournment.
What do you got? A hot gomaskah tonight? (GAVEL SLAMS) Silence! Advocate Grayson, you leave me little choice.
This tribunal is adjourned.
ED: Wait.
(COUNCIL GASPING AND MURMURING) Oh, my God.
(COUNCIL MURMURS) What is this? My name is Heveena.
I wish to enter testimony.
Absolutely not! Arbitrator, this this freak is an offense to the tribunal! Dude, you have been a colossal dick all friggin' day.
Shut the hell up.
Arbitrator, to my knowledge, there's no prohibition against the testimony of a Moclan female.
That is correct.
(CANE TAPPING FLOOR) When I was born, long ago, my parents made the choice to allow me to remain female.
They believed that to have me altered would be an offense to nature.
So they took me far up into the mountains and built our family a home.
In seclusion.
They taught me to think, to read, to wonder.
They taught me to love the person I was.
When they passed, I remained.
I had planned to die up there.
Undiscovered.
(CHUCKLES) But that is no longer possible.
The tribunal must not be allowed to take from this child the gift that I was given! So I present myself to you, as a woman without regret.
I am happy.
KAGUS: A life of isolation, in the wilderness, cut off from society.
This is your shining example? "The blackest abyss is a pock in the flesh "when one has gazed in solitude upon the infinity of self.
" You dare to bastardize the words of Gondus Elden to serve your own purposes?! If he were here, he would spit on you for that! Would he? Why don't you ask him? (COUNCIL GASPS AND MURMURS) (MURMURING CONTINUES) No I do not believe it.
Well, look at that.
Your planet's greatest writer is a female.
There are many ways to contribute to society, Advocate.
This was mine.
Unless there are any objections, this tribunal is adjourned.
The arbitration council is asked to give their decision - within 12 hours.
- (GAVEL SLAMS) Hey.
How you doing? I am fine.
Hmm.
She looks so peaceful.
She has no idea she's in the eye of a storm.
I gave everything I could out there.
I hope it was enough.
I am grateful for what you have done for me, Commander.
Have you talked to Klyden? He still believes she must undergo the procedure.
Well, I doubt the arbitration council does.
Heveena's testimony changed everything.
I wish I had such confidence.
But, whatever happens, we will love her in every way we are able.
You'd stay with Klyden after all of this? I must try.
He is still my mate.
And I love him.
We will now hear the council's verdict.
FOREMAN: We, the arbitration council of this honorable tribunal of Moclus, do not find sufficient cause for suspension of the procedure.
ARBITRATOR: Very well.
It is the decision of this tribunal that the child will receive the corrective alteration.
Arrangements may be made at the central medical facility before the departure of the starship Orville.
This tribunal is adjourned.
I'm so sorry, Bortus.
Bortus and Klyden, I am pleased to introduce to you your son.
Thank you, Doctor.
(BABY COOING) Captain, permission to return to the Orville.
Of course, Bortus.
I am sorry for all that has happened.
It was not my intention to hurt you.
I just wanted to do what was right.
What is important now is Topa.
It is a good name.
And we must give him a good life.
Whoever he becomes.
(COOING)
She's so adorable.
And she's healthy.
15 pounds, two ounces.
About average for a newborn Moclan.
A female baby born to a member of an all-male species.
Yeah.
Bortus, this kid is one in a million.
ISAAC: In fact, a Moclan female is born roughly once every 75 years.
Well, here's to the only girl in town.
KLYDEN: If you all do not mind, I would like to be alone with my mate for a moment.
Totally fine.
We should be on the bridge, anyway.
Come on, guys.
Congrats, you two.
It must be done.
Yes.
I will make the arrangements.
Yaphit, there's nothing wrong with you.
Oh, I'm pretty sure there is, Doc.
I haven't been retaining fluids like I usually do.
My quarters look like a swamp.
It's a mess.
There's absolutely no evidence of fluid loss whatsoever.
And-and then there's this cough.
(COUGHS) Right? You don't have lungs, which means you don't have a cough.
Yaphit, you've been in sickbay three times this week.
I know what you're doing.
Claire, look, just let me take you out on one date.
If you have a crappy night, I promise I'll never ask you again.
Yaphit, no.
Besides, we're incompatible species.
It's impossible.
Huh? There's more where that came from.
Get out.
All right.
How's it going, man? - BORTUS: Dr.
Finn.
- Bortus, hi.
Hey, have you guys settled on a name for your little girl yet? We're all feeling a little funny just calling her "the baby.
" A name would be inappropriate at this time.
Doctor, I require your help.
Sure.
What do you need? It would take two weeks for the Orville to reach my home planet, Moclus, from our present location.
And I do not believe the captain would be able to divert course.
Therefore, Klyden and I would like you to perform the procedure.
What procedure? To conform our child.
To make her a male.
Bortus, there's no way in hell I'm doing that.
May I ask why not? You have to ask? Because I will not perform a sex change on a perfectly healthy newborn.
You ever hear of the Hippocratic Oath? It is my understanding that as a doctor, your duty is to cure illness.
Bortus, this is not an illness.
Your child was born female.
I got news for you.
It happens all the time.
My world is different than yours.
I would hope that you would respect that.
I am a Union doctor serving on a Union ship, and I will not perform a sex change on a newborn infant.
(GUNS COCKING) That's far enough, señor.
It's over, Vasquez.
Surrender now and maybe we'll ask the judge to go easy on you.
I think maybe you are blind, señor.
You're outnumbered, and my rifle is aimed at your head.
There's an entire regiment on the way.
Give yourself up or you die here.
You are bluffing.
There is no cavalry.
You willing to take that chance? (GUN HAMMER CLICKS) You shoot us, you'll hang for it.
Perhaps we settle this the traditional way.
You mean a showdown.
If that's the way you want it.
No, señor.
We will have a dance contest.
- Wait, what? - What is this, man? What-what This-this is where - we're supposed to have the showdown.
- Yeah.
What the hell is this? I have taken many years of jazz and tap.
If you can beat me in a dance-off, I will surrender.
Gordon, what the hell is going on, man? What is this? I messed around with the program.
I wanted, I wanted to mix it up a little bit.
You don't like it? I infuse many different styles of choreography to make the steps my own.
You will be defeated, señor.
(DOOR OPENS) Captain, I must speak with you immediately.
Bortus, can't it wait, man? We're in the middle of a game here.
It is a matter of great urgency.
(SIGHS) All right, I'll be back.
Hey, while I'm gone, fix this thing, huh? Okay.
Will do.
("GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN" BY CYNDI LAUPER PLAYING) All right, what is so urgent? You know, I get, like, one free hour a week.
Coffee.
Captain, Dr.
Finn has refused to perform a necessary medical procedure on my child.
Medical procedure? What kind? I thought she said your kid's totally healthy.
I have asked her to see to the conversion of my child to the male gender.
She has refused.
I request you order her to comply.
You want to perform a transgender operation on a baby? Bortus, that is completely unethical.
On my world, it would be unethical not to do so.
Why not just let the kid decide for herself when she's old enough? Captain, in human biology, is there not an occasional mutation called a cleft palate? Yeah, sure.
What happens to a child born with this condition? It's usually corrected right after birth, takes about 12 seconds.
And why do you not wait and let the child decide for himself whether he wishes to correct this condition? (LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
You're kidding, right? Bortus, that is completely different.
Being a girl is not a condition.
There are no health risks.
Having a vagina doesn't give you a-a lisp.
I mean, depending on how you use it.
It is different for my people.
On our planet, there are no females.
For you to judge us by human standards is unfair.
All right, look, even if I was not against this, we are on a Union ship.
And, for that matter, your planet is a member of the Union.
For me to order Claire to do something like this would be in violation of a hundred laws.
Captain, I implore you Bortus, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna do it.
All right? Request denied.
Dismissed.
(SIGHS) There's the son of a bitch.
How long until it collides with the planet? One month, 17 days.
Well, that gives us a little time.
Lieutenant Lamarr, activate cutting beam.
Have you checked in with Bortus? I gave him the rest of the day off.
He was pretty wound up.
I feel so sorry for that baby.
There's nothing sadder than an unwanted child.
(SIGHS) I got to believe, at the end of the day, he has an open-minded conscience.
Oh, are you guys talking about Bortus's baby's sex change? My God, does the whole ship know about this? - Yes.
- Pretty much.
Captain, I do not understand the reason for this conflict.
Would the gender alteration procedure harm the infant or endanger her life? There are different kinds of harm, Isaac.
Psychological harm, for one.
I'd have been pretty pissed off if my parents had made the unilateral decision to make me a guy.
And while it might have saved me an entire marriage if they had, - it still would have been wrong.
- Oh, thanks.
You guys don't think that Bortus and Klyden will love her any less than they would a male baby, do you? Well, they'd lose a lot of friends around here really fast if they did.
Sir, the asteroid is breaking up.
The tractor beam can now alter the path of the individual fragments.
Lieutenant, give them a shove.
All right, sir.
Shoving beam on.
Trajectory altered.
The fragments will no longer collide with Elnath 4.
Well, couldn't save a marriage, but we just saved a planet.
ALARA: Captain, we're receiving a transmission from Moclus.
It's from the head of Internal Affairs, a Minister Kaybrak.
Put him on.
Channel open.
Minister Kaybrak, this is Captain Ed Mercer.
What can I do for you? Captain, I am informing you that we are sending a ship to rendezvous with the Orville near the Pleiades cluster.
ED: A ship? We don't have any rendezvous orders.
What for? A vessel was requested by one of your officers.
We are coming to take the Moclan female.
I want you to tell me just what the hell you think you're doing.
You want to set up a rendezvous with another vessel, you go through Kelly or me.
I am sorry, Captain, I had no choice.
Don't give me that crap, Bortus.
You are a Union officer.
Do you have any idea the kind of position you're putting me in? I am not asking you to participate, sir.
Klyden and I will transfer the child to the Moclan vessel, where she will undergo the procedure.
The Orville need not be involved.
The Orville is involved, Bortus.
By the very fact that we are the ones transporting the baby.
What would you have us do, Captain? The doctor will not perform the procedure here, so we are left with no other alternative.
That baby was born on a Union ship to my second officer.
Which means that as long as she is aboard, her safety is my responsibility.
With all due respect, sir, we do not see it that way.
And I do not believe the Moclan ship will, either.
What does that mean? What, are you what, are you implying this could lead to a military conflict? Bortus, your people are members of the Union.
Which, by the way, could be jeopardized if the admiralty decides that this is unethical.
Do you see the size of all of this? Permission to return to my station, sir.
No, you're relieved of duty.
(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) (DOOR WHOOSHES SHUT) Thanks.
Thanks.
(BOTH SIGH) Kelly, we are doing the right thing here, yeah? What do you mean? Are you doubting it? Let's say you and I had a baby.
On purpose? Yeah, and-and imagine that baby was born with a third leg.
Like, a whole, full-sized leg? Yeah, like a, like an actual leg, with, like, a foot on the end of it and everything.
And we had the doctor remove it.
Now, no one would think twice about that, right? Even though there are species in the galaxy with three legs, we would be conforming that child to our species' appearance, and we wouldn't have any moral qualms about it.
Do you actually believe that's the same thing as changing a girl into a boy? No, I don't.
I-I'm just I'm just policing myself, because we all know how easy it is to judge another culture's way of life just because it's alien to us.
But you have to balance that against some universal code of ethics.
I mean, suppose it was their custom to kill all newborn females.
Should we respect their culture then? The Moclans view the female gender as a handicap.
There's one person on board who might be able to help.
You ready? I do not understand the purpose of this.
The purpose is to get you to blow off some steam.
I know you've been upset since the captain suspended you from duty.
I was unaware that blood sports were popular on Earth.
Mm, boxing's been gone a few centuries now, but Commander Grayson taught me the basics, and trust me, it's an art form.
It is my understanding that striking a fellow officer is a court-martial offense.
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
Although, a Xelayan female versus a Moclan? I'm sure the crew would love to take bets.
Here we go.
Round one, ding, ding.
What is "ding, ding"? Never mind.
Come on, put your hands up.
Protect your face.
(EXHALES) That's more like it.
Okay.
My turn.
(GRUNTING) Not bad for a female, huh? I am growing weary of my shipmates imposing their will upon my family.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe they're right? I will decide what is best for my child! (GROANS) (MOANS) (SIGHS) Bortus.
What happened to you? There was an explosion in engineering.
I am fine.
Why the ice pack? Dr.
Finn can repair your injury.
Do you not have somewhere you need to be? You are snippy.
I am not snippy.
Very well.
I'm going to get new clothing for our trip to Moclus.
Mind the baby.
Fine.
GORDON: Oh.
Sorry, Klyden.
Hey, yo, Bortus, mind if we come in? Now is not a good time.
What happened to your head? I said go away.
Listen, we feel really bad about everything that's been going on, so we thought you might need a little cheering up.
How about a beer and a movie? I am not in the mood.
Ah, come on.
You're laid up anyway.
What do you say? A couple of brews and an old Earth flick.
Huh? SANTA (OVER TV): Rudolph.
Rudolph, please.
- Would you tone it down a bit? - (RUDOLPH'S NOSE RINGING) I mean, that nose of yours.
I That nose.
That beautiful, wonderful nose.
RUDOLPH: Huh? Rudolph, Christmas is not off.
What I'm trying to say is, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight? It will be an honor, sir.
(CHEERING) Okay, Rudolph.
Full power.
(RUDOLPH'S NOSE RINGING) Up, up, up and away! (MOVIE STOPS PLAYING) Of course.
Without Rudolph's nose, Santa would not have been able to complete his voyage.
Looks like Santa got pretty lucky, huh? Christmas would have been ruined if Rudolph had been euthanized at birth, as his father wished.
Yeah, I don't I don't know if that was ever on the table.
What was clearly a deformity became a supreme advantage.
One can never know.
Please, watch the child for me.
I must find Klyden.
Yeah, no-no problem.
Hey, he just left his baby with two drunk dudes.
Reminds me of my dad.
Ah, I miss him.
Klyden, we must speak.
About what? I have had cause to reconsider the We require privacy.
Leave now! Wow.
Nice day to you, too, dick.
Klyden I believe we should leave our baby unaltered.
What? Bortus, you cannot be serious.
I am.
We must raise the child as a female.
Out of the question.
Why would you suggest such a thing? Because I have witnessed events that have opened my eyes.
We do not know what kind of future we are taking from her.
She may be destined to do great things as a female.
Impossible.
Klyden, you must hear the tale of Rudolph.
You will rethink your conviction, I promise you.
My conviction will not change.
You cannot be certain of that.
Indeed, I can.
- How? - Because I was born a female.
Klyden, how could you have kept this from me? I am your mate.
When we first met, I did not know.
My parents had the procedure done on Moclus soon after I was born.
And when did you find out? When you were assigned to the USS Clemens and I moved on board with you.
It was my first examination by a non-Moclan physician.
The doctor discovered evidence of the alteration.
I was unprepared.
And why did you not tell me then? (BABY CRYING) Because I did not want to lose you.
Klyden, I love you.
That has not changed.
I am angry because you withheld this from me.
You lied.
I did not believe it was of consequence.
That is not the reason, and you know it.
Your parents made this decision for you.
You do not know what your life would have been like.
I would have been an outcast.
Do not pretend otherwise.
Or perhaps you would have achieved glory for guiding Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.
- What? - (COMM BEEPING) KELLY: Bortus, the captain says get your ass up here.
The Moclan vessel is approaching.
(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) ED: As if all this couldn't get any more complicated.
I do not see any complication.
The child will be taken to Moclus, where she will undergo the corrective procedure.
Don't start passing out penises just yet, Captain Vorak.
The parents are in disagreement about what's best for the child.
In such an instance, the Moclan state is ethically bound to side with the parent in favor of correcting the condition.
"Condition.
" So to you people, being a woman is like having chronic diarrhea.
Look, Kel, I think we should focus on Hey, Doc, I'm not feeling well.
I've had the tits all day.
Captain Vorak, I will not allow that child to be taken off the Orville without Bortus's consent.
Look, I suggest we all just take a beat here, let the admiral sort this out.
In the meantime, you can hang out on our ship.
We have board games.
We have Scrabble.
We have Candy Land.
We have Monopoly.
You can be the car.
Ah, ah, Kel, I'm-I'm always the car.
Yeah, but maybe this one time, since he's our guest.
You can be the thimble.
The matter is settled.
We will depart for Moclus within the hour, and we will take the child with us.
I'm sorry, I can't allow that.
You will stand aside.
- I will not.
- Captain, do you require No.
Sit down, Bortus.
You are very fragile, Captain Mercer.
Are you aware of this? There's an antibullying law named after me.
Yes, I'm aware of it.
Captain Vorak, I formally request tribunal.
What? Bortus, you cannot.
It is the only way.
What's tribunal? Like, take it to court? In a manner of speaking.
We will be mocked and ridiculed.
Our shame will be on display for all.
Then do not compel our child to undergo the procedure.
It is irrelevant.
No advocate on Moclus would defend such a thing.
To my knowledge, the advocate need not be a Moclan.
Captain, I request that you be my advocate.
Wh You want me to be your lawyer? Yes.
No, I won't do it.
- BORTUS: Captain, I beg you.
- But Kelly will.
What? You took a year of interplanetary law - at Union Point, right? - Yeah.
One year.
Yeah, that's a year more than I've had.
Ed, I don't want this responsibility.
I cannot be the one to determine that child's Commander.
Please.
I'll do my best.
Mercer to bridge.
Set a course for Moclus.
GORDON: Aye, sir.
Our ship will accompany you there.
How do I know you will not flee with the infant? Klyden and I will travel with you on board your ship.
We will bring the child.
Very well.
(DOOR WHOOSHES OPEN) Safe travels, Bortus.
We'll see you soon.
"Between soul and sacrifice beats the heart of civilization.
" What's that from? It is from a novel by Gondus Elden, a Moclan writer of great esteem.
It is customary to respond with a fitting passage from the literature of one's own planet.
"I'm a survivor.
"I'm not gon' give up.
"I'm not gon' stop.
I'm-a work harder.
" Those are words of great power.
Who wrote them? I think it was actually about 15 different people.
They must be very wise, these 15 people.
Well, you should, uh, probably get going.
(DOOR CLOSES) CLAIRE: I hate this planet.
They've completely industrialized the entire surface.
It's amazing they can even breathe.
Oh, my God, they're under attack.
Alara, those are testing zones.
What are you talking about? Moclus's primary industry is weapons manufacture, so they're a little fast and loose with their research and development.
They test explosives wherever the hell they want.
Oh, crap! Commander Grayson to Moclan Air Control.
What the hell are you bastards trying to do? MOCLAN: Our deepest apologies, Commander.
That testing zone was added this morning.
We neglected to include it in your flight plan.
That's great.
Thanks for thinking of us.
I'm gonna need a pair of pants brought to the landing site.
- We will have pants waiting for you.
- He's kidding.
No, I'm not.
Tribunal begins.
Advocate Kagus, please begin your inquiry.
Lieutenant Commander Bortus, how long have you and Klyden been mates? Six and a half years.
Tell me about your gomaskah, what you humans call "a first date.
" Klyden and I shared an evening meal at the dining establishment atop the Moclan Central Arcade.
We then played combat games in the environmental simulator.
Was it a pleasurable experience? Yes.
Between the two of us, Klyden and I shot 339 simulated combatants.
Hot date.
And is it your wish to deny your offspring that same experience? No.
However Are you aware that by electing to forego the gender correction procedure, you are condemning your child to a life of shame? She will forever be alone, an object of disgust.
Never will she experience a "first date.
" BORTUS: I have recently come to believe that we are unable to make such predictions with accuracy.
I feel the decision should be hers.
How generous of you.
However, by the time she is old enough to have developed the sense of self necessary to make that decision, the childhood damage will be done.
In all likelihood, she will despise you for not sparing her the pain when you had the chance.
That is a risk I am willing to take.
I am not.
(GAVEL POUNDS) Observers will remain silent.
My inquiry is complete.
Advocate Grayson, begin your inquiry.
Thank you.
Request Lieutenant Alara Kitan to the inquiry chair.
Advocate Kagus, why is it so bad to be born female? It is a serious birth defect, which severely limits the ability to function: biologically, intellectually and socially.
Interesting.
Let's look at the biological end of it.
What are the drawbacks? Females are weak.
They do not possess the physical strength necessary for effective participation in industrialized Moclan society.
Hmm.
Okay.
Arbitrator, would you be so kind as to loan me your gavel thingy? Thank you.
Advocate, would you do me a favor and reshape this cube? Impossible.
Why? It is solid titanium.
All right.
Alara, would you mind taking a whack at it? The tribunal will note that this female was more than strong enough to reshape the cube.
Show me a male in this chamber who can do the same.
KAGUS: Irrelevant.
She is Xelayan.
All members of their species possess elevated physical strength due to a high level of gravity on their home world.
In fact, if there were a Xelayan male here, he could reshape the titanium with half as much effort.
I think the tribunal will grant that since there's no Xelayan male present, that absurd statement is purely speculative.
Now, onto your assertion about male intellectual superiority.
Lieutenant Malloy, I'm gonna ask you a few questions that one might find on any basic test of adult knowledge.
Go for it.
These are gonna be kind of hard for you.
Sorry.
It's okay, Commander.
It's for the baby.
Let's start off with some Earth history.
A few hundred years ago, the continents of Earth were divided into separate nation states with individual sovereign governments.
What was the capital of the United States of America? Um pass.
No, it's-it's not a pass kind of thing.
Just give me your closest guess.
What was the capital of the United States of America? Nabisco? No.
- The moon? - Let's move on.
What are the four chambers of the human heart? The chamber of secrets, the chamber of horrors, the chamber of No, no, let me get you halfway.
There's the left and the right ventricle and the left and the right I would like to switch to movie trivia.
KELLY: Let's try one more.
In the year 2056, which genetic engineer discovered how to target and eradicate individual cancer cells? Doctor Bill Nye the Cancer Guy? Well, my point is made.
While this male may be the fleet's best pilot, he's also an idiot.
Sorry, Gordon.
Totally okay.
The tribunal must acknowledge that there is no valid claim for gender-based superiority.
Inquiry complete.
KAGUS: Dr.
Finn, it is my understanding that you refused to perform the gender alteration procedure on the child in question.
- Correct? - That's right.
No ethical doctor anywhere would do it.
Captain Mercer.
Tell me about your penis.
Uh did I miss a segue of some kind here? (LAUGHS) What? Are you, what is the term? Circumcised? Gosh, you know, I don't usually discuss that till the second date.
I will rephrase.
Are there cultures within the Union who circumcise their offspring? Yes, there are some.
Doctor, if a member of one of those races asked you to circumcise their infant, would you refuse? That's completely different.
How? It is a significant bodily alteration, and the infant has no say in the matter.
A circumcision is not a life-altering scenario.
And a life-altering scenario would be unfair to the child.
Yes, it would.
A life-altering scenario, such as a child shunned by Moclan society, planet-wide, that would be unfair indeed.
Thank you, Doctor, you've made my argument for me.
Mercer to Orville.
Go ahead, Captain.
Isaac, initiate a planet-wide scan of the Moclan surface using the following search filter.
(DIGITAL BEEPING AND TRILLING) Interesting, Captain.
Yeah.
I thought so, too.
Stand by.
Scanning now.
(BEEPS) Scan complete.
Transmitting data.
Mercer to Lamarr.
Lamarr here, sir.
As inconspicuously as you can, grab Alara and meet me at the shuttle.
We're taking a trip to the mountains.
It's got to be around here somewhere.
These are the exact coordinates.
There's a lot of thermal interference coming from beneath the surface.
It's hard to get a clear geographical reading.
- Wait.
- (DEVICE BEEPS) Wait.
Yeah, there it is.
Small cabin.
- 50 meters up.
- ED: Scan for life signs.
(DEVICE BEEPING) One life sign, Captain.
Coming from inside the cave.
That's it.
Come on.
(WATER DRIPPING IN DISTANCE) Hello? Is anyone here? FEMALE VOICE: Who are you? Arbitrator, this continued delay is unacceptable.
Advocate Grayson? If it please the Arbitrator, my colleagues are urging me to withhold closing until they return with their evidence.
It has been two hours.
Arbitrator, request compulsory adjournment.
What do you got? A hot gomaskah tonight? (GAVEL SLAMS) Silence! Advocate Grayson, you leave me little choice.
This tribunal is adjourned.
ED: Wait.
(COUNCIL GASPING AND MURMURING) Oh, my God.
(COUNCIL MURMURS) What is this? My name is Heveena.
I wish to enter testimony.
Absolutely not! Arbitrator, this this freak is an offense to the tribunal! Dude, you have been a colossal dick all friggin' day.
Shut the hell up.
Arbitrator, to my knowledge, there's no prohibition against the testimony of a Moclan female.
That is correct.
(CANE TAPPING FLOOR) When I was born, long ago, my parents made the choice to allow me to remain female.
They believed that to have me altered would be an offense to nature.
So they took me far up into the mountains and built our family a home.
In seclusion.
They taught me to think, to read, to wonder.
They taught me to love the person I was.
When they passed, I remained.
I had planned to die up there.
Undiscovered.
(CHUCKLES) But that is no longer possible.
The tribunal must not be allowed to take from this child the gift that I was given! So I present myself to you, as a woman without regret.
I am happy.
KAGUS: A life of isolation, in the wilderness, cut off from society.
This is your shining example? "The blackest abyss is a pock in the flesh "when one has gazed in solitude upon the infinity of self.
" You dare to bastardize the words of Gondus Elden to serve your own purposes?! If he were here, he would spit on you for that! Would he? Why don't you ask him? (COUNCIL GASPS AND MURMURS) (MURMURING CONTINUES) No I do not believe it.
Well, look at that.
Your planet's greatest writer is a female.
There are many ways to contribute to society, Advocate.
This was mine.
Unless there are any objections, this tribunal is adjourned.
The arbitration council is asked to give their decision - within 12 hours.
- (GAVEL SLAMS) Hey.
How you doing? I am fine.
Hmm.
She looks so peaceful.
She has no idea she's in the eye of a storm.
I gave everything I could out there.
I hope it was enough.
I am grateful for what you have done for me, Commander.
Have you talked to Klyden? He still believes she must undergo the procedure.
Well, I doubt the arbitration council does.
Heveena's testimony changed everything.
I wish I had such confidence.
But, whatever happens, we will love her in every way we are able.
You'd stay with Klyden after all of this? I must try.
He is still my mate.
And I love him.
We will now hear the council's verdict.
FOREMAN: We, the arbitration council of this honorable tribunal of Moclus, do not find sufficient cause for suspension of the procedure.
ARBITRATOR: Very well.
It is the decision of this tribunal that the child will receive the corrective alteration.
Arrangements may be made at the central medical facility before the departure of the starship Orville.
This tribunal is adjourned.
I'm so sorry, Bortus.
Bortus and Klyden, I am pleased to introduce to you your son.
Thank you, Doctor.
(BABY COOING) Captain, permission to return to the Orville.
Of course, Bortus.
I am sorry for all that has happened.
It was not my intention to hurt you.
I just wanted to do what was right.
What is important now is Topa.
It is a good name.
And we must give him a good life.
Whoever he becomes.
(COOING)