The Prince (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1
♪
♪
- Hi, Sebastian.
Whoa. You look tired.
- I am.
George was texting me all night
about the guest list
for his playdate.
I was up till 9:00 p.m.
Where were you? You left me.
- I'm so sorry, Sebastian.
I wanted to watch
"Paddington 2" with my parents,
so I told George
I couldn't text
because it was
a "prayer night."
He still thinks I'm Muslim.
I'm making the rules up
as I go along.
- That's smart.
We all need time off.
How was "Paddington 2"?
- Excellent.
Shh! Shh! Here he comes.
♪
- Oh, God. I feel sick.
- Hi, George! Aw, looking good!
- Hi, George.
- Hey, guys.
Sebastian, you look like shit.
Everyone excited?
Today's the big day.
Playdate at George's house.
- Absolutely. I can't wait.
- Everyone's talking about it.
The event of the season.
- I know, I know.
It's going to be amazing.
Good luck throwing a party
after this.
I can't imagine
having to follow it up.
Social suicide.
Oh, by the way, Sebastian,
I can't make it
to your birthday party
next weekend.
- Hi, George.
- Hey
Ree
- Amelia.
- Re-Amelia. Of course.
Your name is Reamelia now.
- What time should I
come over today?
- Come over? Um
What do you mean, "Come over"?
Is she on the list?
Oh, the playdate.
Ugh, I completely forgot.
Ah, I guess come by
my place at 3:00?
Super casual.
Oh, it's the big palace
in the middle of the park.
You can't miss it.
I like her, Reamelia.
Weird name though.
- Hi, George!
- Uh, yeah, hey, Charlotte.
Don't quite know
why you're shouting.
- I'm excited
for your playdate!
- Did you get an invite?
- No.
- Well, I would get
a little less excited then.
Oh, excuse me, dear,
I have to take this.
Owen, comma,
under no circumstance
is Charlotte allowed to attend
my playdate, full stop.
Also, comma, did you pick up
my refill of Propecia,
question mark?
Ooh, what's this?
"Meghan Markle
just posted a photo."
"Running lines with my love.
♪workingactor,
♪LAlife, #setlife."
Ugh, she's not even on a set.
That's it, I'm muting her.
- "Excuse me, miss.
Where are the bowties?"
- "Back wall, aisle three."
- I feel like you're making
a meal out of it.
Young Sheldon's just trying
to buy a bowtie.
Let's just take it
from the top,
but this time, a little less.
"Excuse me, miss.
Where are the bowties?"
- "Back wall, aisle three."
- I don't even think
they need this scene.
They could just cut to Sheldon
with the bowties.
-
This sucks.
On "Suits,"
I was a series regular.
I was Rachel Zane,
attorney at law.
- Wasn't she a paralegal
the first six seasons?
- Ugh, I don't know.
Anyway, how's your
job search going?
- Oh, you were serious
about that?
- Yes! We need jobs!
- Okay, okay, well,
there is one thing I always
wanted to do,
but I don't know.
- Aw, you can tell me, Harry.
- It's silly. You'll laugh.
- I promise I won't.
- I want to be
a massage therapist.
What?
- I know, it's a moon shot.
A crazy dream.
I've always been afraid
I couldn't do it.
That I wasn't cut out for it.
But I always wanted to heal
with my hands.
- A massage therapist?
- You never had a dream
when you were a child
to be something everyone else
said was impossible?
Like an astronaut
or prime minister or masseur?
-
I wanted to be a princess.
- Oh.
Well, you kinda fucked that up.
♪
- Don't you dare sneeze,
Camilla.
Don't you do it.
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Mummy! Mummy!
Watch me! Watch me!
Are you watching?
At least she didn't see.
- I saw. Loser.
"Woman, 63, becomes pregnant
in the mouth
with baby squid
after eating calamari."
See, this is the journalism
that matters.
- Yes, don't worry.
I'll show you the pictures.
- Little early for a
fourth glass, don't you think?
- Why don't you go
hit another ball
through a fucking loop?
- Fair.
- It was me, Mummy.
I sneezed. Not Camilla.
Ah-choo! Oh, there I go again.
- I'm watching you, Camilla.
You hear me?
I'm watching all
of you fuckers!
- Oh, yes, you like
the pictures, don't you?
- Hello, dear. Name?
- Amelia.
- Amelia, Amelia.
Sorry, I'm not seeing it.
I have a Reamelia,
just not an Amelia.
- Oh, I forgot. I'm Reamelia.
- Hello, Miss Charlotte.
- Hi.
- I'm so sorry, I'm afraid
I don't have you on the list.
- Oh.
- Hold on.
Let me see if there's a way
I can sort this out.
- Owen, so help me God.
- Sorry, Miss.
- Excuse me.
I'm making progress.
Do not call this number again.
Hi, I'm Charlotte!
- So I don't know,
I don't know.
Can the Labour party
take it back?
I guess, but Corbyn really
put them in a hole.
Anyway, everyone
enjoying themselves?
Everyone have a drink?
You? You?
You're good with juice?
Are--are you sure?
No, no, it's no problem at all.
Hey, hey!
Get the fuck over here.
She wants more juice.
Martinelli's sparkling, right?
I'll take a Georgetini.
And get Owen over here.
- Right away, sir.
- All right, guys, well,
don't let me keep you.
Have a great time!
- I'm having so much fun, PG.
- Owen, Owen,
did you hear that?
One of them just called me PG.
Is that my new nickname?
- I believe it is,
Your Royal Highness.
-
Oh, I have a nickname.
So remind me again,
where are we now
in our schedule?
- Right now it's mocktails
and coloring hour, sir.
- Classic playdate activities.
You know, not everyone's
cut out for hosting.
The trick is
making people feel like
they're completely at home.
- George, may I
use the bathroom?
- Yeah, there's a porta-potty
in the driveway.
And it's for pee-pee only!
Fuckin' animals.
- Quick, does anyone know
what a Georgetini is?
- A Georgetini?
- Yes, Prince George
just asked for one.
Oh, my God, did he just
make it up?
Did I make it up?
I don't know anymore.
- Hey, hey,
it's going to be okay.
Remember the breathing
meditations we started doing?
- That's not helping now, Greg.
- Prince Philip bit me!
- Bloody hell, not again.
Ooh, that looks deep.
Get the medic!
- I'm on break, bruh.
- You know, O,
I think this playdate
is a big success.
- Oh, certainly, sir.
I haven't had
this much fun since--
- Okay, well,
of course it's more fun
than whatever life event
you were about to reference.
Your life's a low bar.
Sebastian, Dinesh.
What's it look like out there?
What are people saying?
Tell me everything.
- Everyone is having
the best time.
- Yeah, and I've heard
some people say
it's even better
than "Paddington 2."
- Ooh, and that was
really good.
Perfect.
So everyone's here,
and everyone's having
a great time.
- Yes, well, almost everyone.
- Almost?
- I--I mean, yay!
- Who's not here?
- Oh, just one person.
Whatever. Doesn't matter.
- Who didn't show up
to my playdate, Sebastian?
- Olivia Rogers!
Olivia Rogers!
- Olivia Rogers?
I don't even know who that is.
Some nobody.
Why didn't she show up
to George's playdate?
Owen, Owen, I need you!
- I'm right here, sir.
- I don't understand.
why wouldn't she come?
Does she hate me?
No! Who could possibly hate me?
Everyone loves me. I'm PG!
This is the hottest event
of the year, right?
Right, O?
- Yes, of course.
Why, even Charlotte
couldn't get in.
- That's right, thank you.
She couldn't even get in.
You know whose fault this is?
- Um
- You should have made sure
everyone was in attendance.
I had to hear it on the street.
The fact that she was even
on the list, some nothing,
and then to have the audacity
to not show up?
Oh, she'll show up all right.
You get here her right now,
Owen.
You handle this.
I've gotta be calm.
I've got guests.
- Excuse me, where's the--
- The porta-potty's
in the driveway!
♪
- I got the job!
I'm gonna be the first masseur
from the royal family.
Thanks for all your help,
darling.
- Okay, well, I actually
didn't do anything,
but I'm glad you have a job.
- Yeah, well, it's technically
not a job.
Don't know
where you heard that.
- Well, from you.
Like, a second ago.
- I'm actually just
Pham's intern for now,
but not everybody gets that.
Like, there was another guy
in there.
- He didn't get it?
- No, we're both
Pham's interns.
So how was your audition?
-
Not great.
Iain Armitage said
he didn't click with me.
Can you believe that?
- You know what? Fuck him.
What a mingebag.
- Whoa, easy, he's 11.
- Meghan? Harry?
- Lisa Rinna!
So nice to see you again.
- We've never met.
- Oh.
Why do I feel like I know you?
- Well, I've been on TV
for 50 years,
so maybe it's that.
Cute baby! What's his name?
- Meghan?
- Archie.
- And your kids are Amelia
and Delilah Belle, right?
I read about them
in "People Magazine."
- Yes! Listen, Meghan.
I'm sure you're getting
tons of offers
- She's actually not.
- Would you ever consider
joining
"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills"?
- Uh--are you serious?
- Yeah, I think you guys
would be great.
- I'm kind of still on hold
for "Young Sheldon," but
- Let me talk to Andy.
- You know Andy Cohen?
Meghan, she knows Andy Cohen!
- Okay, you need to just--
the things you know
and don't know
are very confusing to me.
- Oh, shit,
there's Lisa Vanderpump.
I'll have them call you.
- They hate each other!
What?
♪
- And that is how you make
a Georgetini.
- Oh, thank God.
- Breathe. Just breathe.
- You were right. It does help.
- Olivia has arrived, sir.
- About fucking time.
Get her over here.
Oh, hey, Olivia,
glad you could make it.
I forgot you were even invited,
to tell you the truth.
So were you, uh, busy earlier
or something?
Because you weren't here,
and everyone else was,
so that part was weird.
- I was at my dad's funeral.
- What?
Oh, my God.
That explains it!
Oh, you have no idea
what I just put myself through.
I didn't know
what was going on.
But you were just
at your dad's funeral.
I knew there had to be
a reason.
God, I really know
how to work myself up.
And for what?
That can't be good for me.
Fucking Owen.
Hey, hey.
Let's get her a Georgetini.
That'll make you feel better.
Would you excuse me
for a second, dear?
Hey, O, this girl's dad
just died.
It's gonna
bring the whole party down.
Can we get her out of here?
Thanks.
Is everyone having fun?
Yeah, they're all having fun.
This is a huge success.
Better than "Paddington 2,"
they're saying.
Better than "Paddington 2."
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