The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

(CROWD CHEERING, SHOUTING)
MAN: Come on! You got this!
Got this, you got this!
Boo Snackers. Coach is a punk.
-Uh, thanks, Mama!
-You're welcome, son.
(CROWD GASPING)
Okay, Hardhats, D up.
Do not let Michael take the three.
Michael, you take that three.
You other Snacker losers,
move out of the way.
CROWD: Michael! Michael!
This is my house. You don't see me.
CROWD: Michael!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CRYING)
That's why your team lost, Felix.
They a bunch of crybabies.
They're not crying about the game, Oscar.
Somebody stole our pizzas!
-Oh But Mr. Proud, you said that--
-Get out of here, Peabo.
Chips. Drink.
I'd offer you some pizza
but pizza is for winners. (LAUGHING)
I don't mean to offend you,
but you can't handle it.
Good game, Orenthal. Too bad
you're not gonna win the championship.
It's Oscar, Wiz!
And history is not gonna repeat itself!
This time, I'm gonna win. (LAUGHING)
I beg to differ, my misguided friend.
It's gonna be déjà vu,
all over again, y'all.
Meet the Wizard Kelly All-Stars.
Whoo-hoo!
Made up of little children
of all-time NBA grades.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Not only is there my son,
Lil Wizard, hey
But there's Lil Jordan, Lil Shaq,
Lil Dirk, and Lil LeBron.
He's got hair, y'all.
I'll take my Michael over your team
of ringers any day. I'm undefeated.
(LAUGHING)
Defeated is your middle name, Oscar Proud!
Need I mention the State Championship
from 20 years ago, bruh?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
Forget the past, Wizard.
This is between you and me.
And there ain't no way I'm losing.
And if I win,
I get to live like you for a week!
The house, the car,
the money, Ginger Snaps.
Everything you stole from me.
And you gotta live like me!
Poverty, the tears, regret, Suga Mama!
Everything I wish you had stolen from me!
Okay, Proud. You got a bet.
But if I win, I get
your most valuable employee, Peabo.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, Peabo?
Why do you want my water boy, Wizard?
I've been looking
for a smart, young go-getter.
To help run the Wizard's many businesses.
A protégé, y'all.
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
Peabo reporting for duty, Mr. Wizard, sir.
Okay, Wizard.
If you win, Peabo works for you.
Mr. Proud?
I wouldn't be slingin' that water
the way you're slingin' that water.
Don't worry, Peabo.
With Michael on my team,
there's no way we'll lose.
(GASPS AND GRUNTS)
Oh, my knee, my knee! Oh!
(CRYING)
(SINGING) The Proud Family What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin'
every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you
more than anybody else
Every single day
that I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one
I love as much as you
-The family
-The family
Proud family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family
A proud, proud family.
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family
Proud, proud family
Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
-(LIQUID SQUISHING)
-(BEBE AND CECE SQUEALING)
(GRUNTS)
Mmm. Yeah! Key lime, my favorite!
Oscar, we were going to have that
for dessert tonight.
Blame the twins!
Where's Penny?
She's supposed to be watching them.
She's probably doing something
that would've changed your life.
Really? What's that?
Studying.
(BEBE AND CECE GIGGLING)
Go to flyin' school. Take off right now.
"Then lay in your bunk,
look up at them pin-up gals.
"See what that gets you, droopy drawers."
"I got something I want you to see.
"That's been with me all the time
"right here, where you are."
"That don't ring so true."
"I swear it's true."
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
This is my favorite part. (CHUCKLES)
Mine too.
What in the
I told you, Penny.
No dating before you marry.
We're not dating, Daddy. We're just
watching a movie for film class.
How was your game?
Do I look stupid to you, Penny? (YELPING)
Please let me answer that
for you, Penny. Please.
Penny, you know the rules.
No boys in the house unsupervised.
Wow, Penny. Your mother
looks just like Dorothy Dandridge.
(CHUCKLES) But rules
are made to be broken.
Quit trying to butter up my wife, boy!
Now, how long have you and Penny
been girlfriend and boyfriend?
Ugh! He's not my boyfriend!
Oh, you got that right!
Stand up, so I can punch you
I mean, look you in the eye.
Yes, sir, Mr. Proud.
(CHURCH CHOIR SINGING)
So, Penny's boyfriend.
What's your name, son?
Stop it, Dad. He's not my boyfriend.
He is your boyfriend!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Brown, sir.
Pleasure to meet you.
Well, of course it is. How tall are you,
young Alcindor in law?
Six foot, six inches, sir.
Well, of course you are!
And you play basketball too, don't you?
-No, sir.
-You lying! What the
I just don't have much time to play.
Oh, you mean that little school thing?
Forget that!
You're gonna be one-and-done, anyway.
Come on, let's see whatcha made of.
No, Daddy. We're trying to study.
Studying's for chumps.
Follow me to the court, old boy.
You don't have to do this, Kareem.
Don't let my daddy pressure you, okay?
Be true to yourself.
If you don't
wanna play basketball, tell him.
Stay in your lane, Ayesha Curry.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUFFLED GASP)
-(GLASS SHATTERS)
-(SHRIEKS)
-(OSCAR GRUNTS)
-(CAR ALARM BLARING)
-OSCAR: Good googly-moogly!
-(CAT YOWLS)
Have you ever seen a basketball before?
You shot enough bricks to build a house.
My interests aren't in athletics, sir.
I'm the first chair cellist
in the school orchestra.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chair?
There's no chairs in basketball!
There's a bench
which you definitely gonna be ridin'.
But today is your lucky day.
The big O is willing to take
a chance with you.
After all, your daddy didn't name you
after Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
so you could play a big ol' banjo!
He's my father's favorite author.
Kareem wrote a book? (CHUCKLES)
What is it, a coloring book?
I'll bet it's about giraffes.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, Daddy, you're embarrassing me!
Oh, come on, Penny. You're used to it.
Look, kid, you stink on ice. But you
got one thing that can't be taught.
Tallness.
I'll I tell you what, if you join my team,
I promise you, you will never ever
have to write a book. Or read one, either.
-Please make Oscar stop!
-OSCAR: But you gotta know your A to Z.
Okay, Oscar. That's enough. Come on.
Call me when the womenfolk ain't around.
Kareem, I am so sorry about that.
Trudy, your daughter knows
how to pick 'em.
This kid is a complete waste of height.
Kareem's a nice boy, Oscar.
I can see why she likes him.
Let's face it, Trudy. Penny's gonna
wind up living with us forever.
Like you and Bobby, Mama.
Son, what did I tell you
about sticks and stones?
-(SCREAMING)
-(BEBE AND CECE LAUGHING)
You're lucky I didn't have a rock.
(DISTANT WHOOSHING SOUND)
Whoa! Wait a minute. Y'all hear that?
Of course, you can't, old lady.
I knew it. Kareem's got game.
Wow, you got to be kidding me! It's Penny!
-Baby girl, where did you--
-Why did you do that, Daddy?
-Do what?
-Make Kareem play basketball.
He won't wanna come over
and study with me anymore.
I'm sorry, baby girl. My best player,
Michael, got injured and I was desperate.
I didn't mean anything by it.
Where did you learn
how to shoot like that?
You taught me, when I was a little girl.
Don't you remember?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(YOUNG PENNY COOING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Too bad I'm never gonna
let you outta the house to play.
Note to self, get BeBe and CeCe
on the court tomorrow.
Penny, with that Steph Curry jumper,
you are the new starting
and shooting guard for the Proud Snackers.
Why couldn't it be
a Candace Parker jumper?
-And, no, I'm not.
-Yes, you are!
But I don't like basketball.
Come on, you played football,
for cryin' out loud!
That was because Frankie said I couldn't.
I just wanted to prove him wrong.
Oh (CRYING)
Please, please, please!
I can't lose to the Wizard!
He's took so much from me already.
Please, please, Penny, you gotta help me.
Please, Penny, please.
There's no way that we can win
the championship without you. Come on!
-I cannot lose to the Wizard!
-Okay, Daddy. I'll do it.
But I'm only doing it for you. Not me.
(LAUGHING)
Thank you, baby girl. Thank you.
You won't regret it. But the Wizard will.
(SINGING) I'm gonna beat that Wizard
I'm gonna beat that Wizard
What now, what now
I'm gonna beat that Wizard
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(INDISTINCT YELLING)
PENNY: Let's go, baby!
(CROWD GASPING)
You know the rules, Penny.
Mamba mentality.
That means no passing the ball.
Y'all want that?
This is my ball! Come on. (GRUNTS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
You're evil, Oscar Proud.
(SING-SONG VOICE) Pure evil!
And you are a pure loser. See you
at the church on Sunday, Rev.
Uh-uh. You know the drill.
Hands up, cash out.
What are you rubes doing?
That's our pizza money.
Penny, you better do something
or no pizza for anybody.
PENNY: Can't catch me. Ha ha!
Give me that!
OSCAR: Make that shot! Shoot that shot!
WOMAN: Go, Penny!
(CHEERING)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
Huh, you may be all right in football
but there's no way a girl's
gonna beat me in basketball.
You still haven't learned, have you?
Penny, stop playing footsie
with your boyfriend.
Cross him up and finish him.
-(EXCLAIMS)
-(CROWD GASPING)
-(BUZZER SOUNDS)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
-(CELLO PLAYING OUT OF TUNE)
-(CECE LAUGHING)
Sorry, Kareem. That was Oscar.
They're going to be
practicing late tonight.
-And he said
-KAREEM: I know.
For me to get out of his house, right?
Tell Penny I stopped by, ma'am.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
-OSCAR: Come on now! Hustle now!
-(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Uh! Over here, next to me.
-No water for them, Peabo.
-(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Stop her, if you can! Ha, ha!
But, Dad, I thought we were a team!
Penny, there's no "we" in team.
(IN DEEP VOICE) Destroy them!
-(GRUNTING)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
And one.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
Since you like to pop off them lips,
why don't you pop off ten laps
before you go home?
Shh.
-(GASPS)
-Oh, oh, uh
-I am so sorry, LaCienega.
-That's okay
KAREEM: Oh, Ta-Nehisi Coates
Between The World And Me.
-You know, that's my favorite book.
-What do you know! Mine too.
-Oh, you coming or you going?
-I'm going wherever you are.
(CROWD CHEERING)
-(PENNY YELPS)
-(CROWD GASPS)
(GROWLING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Get up, Penny! He's just a creature
with eight arms. You are not hurt.
(SCREAMS)
Make that nine.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Don't stop hustling now!
-PENNY: Give me that! Ha ha!
-Huh?
-DIJONAY: Go, Penny!
-(YELLING)
CROWD: Penny! Penny!
TENTACLED PLAYER: Gotcha.
(GRUNTING)
-Yeah!
-(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BOWS)
CROWD: Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny!
So, Penny, how does it feel
to be the best basketball player
in the whole entire galaxy?
I guess it's okay if you want to play
in the WNBA one day.
Which I don't.
Oh, girl, quit frontin'. I bet you got
all kinds of fans and stans.
Spill the tea.
-Well, I'll tell you who isn't a fan.
-(DOOR OPENS)
Hotiana on the right.
Hey, what's up! Hi, everyone!
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
How you doin', Proud?
Oh, I'm good. But you must be really good
if you're reading Ta-Nehisi Coates.
Ta who?
Oh, yeah.
Didn't he create a show called Moesha?
LaCienega, now you know
that Penny and Kareem are boo'd up.
And you over there tryin' to be messy.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
-Do you, Maya?
-No, I don't understand a word she said.
Nor do I care.
Kareem and I are just in a book club.
Of two.
Uh-uh. That's cap, LaCienega.
(GRUNTS)
We're going to Penny's game tonight.
Are you guys coming?
Oh, you have a game tonight, Penny?
Did you know about that, Maya?
Basketball?
(CHUCKLES)
I don't support any sport that pays women
one-twentieth of what they pay men.
Don't act like you don't know
I have a game, LaCienega.
And I'd love to be there but
Oh, my. I don't think I can make it.
Kareem is playing tonight, too.
He invited me to his concert.
What is a beautiful girl to do?
Follow her heart, I guess.
-Ciao, ragazze.
-(DOORBELL RINGING)
And you, too, basketball head.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Ooh, I can't stand them.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Nice three.
Thanks. What are you doing here?
I thought you had a concert today.
I haven't seen you in a minute.
What happened to you
at the library the other day?
Oh, snap, I forgot.
My bad, things have been crazy.
Practice every day,
games every evening. I'm sorry.
Are you? Really?
I mean, you could have
at least hit me with a text,
but you just left me on read.
So is that why you gave LaCienega
a ticket to your concert?
Penny, it's not my concert.
It's the school orchestra's and I've been
giving tickets away to everybody.
-No one bought any.
-Whatever, Yo-Yo Ma.
Thanks for stopping by.
I thought you didn't like
playing basketball.
Come on. You don't have to do this, Penny.
Don't let your daddy pressure you.
Be true to yourself!
If you don't wanna play basketball,
tell him you don't wanna play basketball.
I know what you're doing.
You throwin' my own words back in my face.
Yeah.
Words I took to heart.
That's easy for you,
'cause you can't ball like this.
So you do have game!
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, I do.
-(WHISTLE BLOWS)
-(BUZZER SOUNDS)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
-(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
-Pass that here!
PLAYER 1: What you got,
short stuff? Let's see you move.
Come on! Penny, come on, now!
Time to hustle now!
PLAYER 2: Come on! Do something!
-(GRUNTS)
-PLAYER 3: That's a foul!
PLAYER 4: My boy on fire! Nice.
Oh, Penny, wake up!
PLAYER 5: That's how we do!
Here we go! Yup!
PLAYER 6: Don't stop! Don't stop!
What you got?
Penny, play some D!
-PLAYER 7: Come on, what you got?
-(PLAYERS LAUGHING)
What's wrong with you?
PENNY: Over here!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
PLAYER 8: Shake and bake, baby!
Here we go!
(PLAYERS CHEERING)
PLAYER 8: That's for you, Coach!
(GRUNTING)
(PLAYERS GRUNTING)
What is going Time out!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Oh, you guys are terrible.
No offense, no D, absolutely no heart.
Penny, I expect that
from these benchwarmers,
but what are you doing?
I am never gonna beat the Wizard
with you playing like this.
Daddy, I don't care about beating
the Wizard. That's your dream!
I never wanted to do this!
Well, right now,
you're not doing anything!
If you don't wanna play
Proud Snackers basketball,
then pack up your stuff
and go to your mama's house.
And that goes for everybody!
Matter of fact, just leave!
Fine! Come on, y'all,
let's go get pizza! Everybody!
You heard her! Everybody!
PENNY: Deuces!
Well, aces to you. All of you!
I don't need any of you.
You shouldn't have done that, Mr. Proud.
Shut up, Peabo, and get in uniform.
You too, Mr. Chips!
(CHITTERING)
You are not the only eight-year-old
and monkey in this town, you know.
-(FOOTSTEPS)
-WIZARD: Uh-oh.
You done forfeited the game, Proud.
Tell my protégé
to report to work tomorrow morning.
(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)
LaCienega, did you know
that Beethoven was a brother?
He was a quarter Black. A quadroon!
Eh!
Hey, I thought we were
going for pizza, Penny.
Yeah, I'm hungry!
And I just put 15 whole pies
on my dad's credit card!
(CHEERING)
Guys, chill. I just got
a little business I gotta take care of.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
Penny? What are you doing here?
Thought you were doing
your Candace Parker thing tonight.
I'm not doing basketball anymore.
Ah. So you finally took your own advice.
Yep.
(YELPS)
Look, we're gonna get
some pizza. You wanna come?
You don't got to say another word.
Bet. Let's go.
Kareem! Sorry, Proud,
but he's got other plans.
Hey, Kareem.
I'm not trying to pressure you.
But you gotta be true to yourself, right?
That's right. (CHUCKLES)
Penny, I don't have any other plans,
but to be with you.
Wait, wait! We're coming with you!
Uh-uh. You two can have several seats.
(DOOR CREAKS AND CLOSES)
WIZARD: (GRUNTS) My, my, my.
I see why you make
the big bucks, Oscar Proud!
(GRUNTING)
Wizard Kelly! What are you doing here?
How did you get past
That "security" monkey
was asleep, like you.
I'm a busy man. What do you want?
I came for my new employee Peabo.
He didn't show up for to work
as agreed. He's MIA, y'all.
Where is he, Proud?
How do I know! I'm not the boy's daddy.
Mr. Chips, Mr. Chips, it's your boss.
There's a dead squirrel
on production line two. Again.
Nice of you to stop by, Mr. Wizard.
I got a lot of work to do.
Here's some free Proud Snacks
on your way out.
Is there any other kind?
I'm warning you, Oscar Proud,
if Peabo isn't at my office
by noon tomorrow, then
Then what, Wizard? Huh?
Tell me whatcha gonna do?
Welcome to the Wizard Kelly Theatres,
where you can watch a movie
in your own community, y'all.
I need eight tickets, Daddy.
Can we get in free?
Not with that him.
I told you to stay away from her.
-Security! Security!
-(PENNY YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
Security! (GRUNTS)
(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT)
Prosti, sir. Ticket, please.
Ticket? I work here
just like you, Buffalo.
It's Bufferina, buffoon.
(OSCAR GRUNTING)
Good job, Bufferina.
You should've had a ticket, Mr. Proud.
I'm gonna have to dock you.
-Peabo, you little
-Head punch. Twist. Bang, bang, pow!
OSCAR: Mama!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)