The Real L Word s01e03 Episode Script
Bromance
Valentine's day with a woman is a big day of mush.
Could you imagine like being in love with your best girlfriend? I mean that's who I fuck all the time.
Amazing.
I've never been alone on Valentine's day.
If I'm with someone, it's the most romantic day of the fucking year, in my twenties I would have, like, Valentine's day with three or four girls a year.
If I'm fucking single, then all these chocolates can fuck off.
Valentine's days that I've had were more memorable with women.
Wait a minute, when is Valentine's day? What does Valentine's day mean to me? Fucking nothing.
It was a ridiculous holiday created by greeting card companies to make more money.
Previously on The Real L Word - D money! - Whoo! My best friend Derek's coming to visit.
I haven't seen him since we got engaged.
I cannot wait to take your shirt off.
There's definitely feelings.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was concerned.
Because I can't compete with a man.
So if she wanted that, there's nothing I could do about it.
Welcome to Los Angeles.
Tor is the cousin of Alyssa, my best friend.
She and I hooked up a couple months ago.
Romi, what time are you going in the jacuzzi? You know Tor's inside, right? I mean, do you wanna see me? I was kind of pissed.
Get off the phone with girl number three and go talk to girl number one.
Do I like you? Yes, absolutely.
I shouldn't be in a predicament with three girls now.
But I can't stop myself.
What the fuck did I just do? You're just doing you.
Hi, baby, what are you doing? Are you coming tonight? Yes, I can't wait to see you.
I'm going to be inducted at the Hollywood chamber to help promote L.
A.
Fashion Week.
I wonder if Raquel's here.
I don't know, I feel bad.
So once again, I kind of build up my expectations that we're gonna get to ha, but it's hard to have a relationship when she's working all the time.
- Tracy.
- Oh, my God.
I didn't really think about dating somebody with kids.
I know you didn't sign up for the kids, but you're S.
O.
L.
, sistah.
Nico.
Here, okay.
Stop, stop, stop.
With kids, it just keeps going.
It just doesn't stop.
It's really difficult.
I'm still trying to figure shit out.
When you've been drinking, you're a little harsh.
Show your tits, show your tits.
- You fucking lame-ass! - Rose is a big kid.
I think it's really cute most of the time, but sometimes she can go a little over the edge.
You're rude to your girlfriend.
You're fucking girlfriend that lives in your house.
Move out.
Do that.
Come on, Rocco, let's go.
So last night, Rose and I got in a really dumb fight.
Welcome to our world.
Every time we fight, it's like the end of the world, we're gonna break up.
And nothing could ever be, like, minor.
Everything's always so huge.
And I don't think we mean to do that.
I really just wanna put, you know, the fighting and the drama behind me.
Gotta just "F" it off.
So I mean, that's just the way I deal with it.
I'm not gonna feed into it and just let it go for a bit.
It's kind of one of those little things you just have to let go.
'Cause it's fucking stupid and ridiculous.
We're just letting it go.
Getting rid of the problem.
Natalie felt like I was treating her negatively.
But I wasn't even doing anything, I was just trying to have a good time.
Since Valentine's day is coming up, I really wanna just put, you know, the fighting and the drama behind me.
And you know, have a really great Valentine's day.
You're very cute.
This is our first Valentine's day cohabitating.
I'm excited.
You need to get rid of your plastics, by the way.
What do they call them? - A sigg.
- A sigg? - A who? - Sigg bottle.
That fire hydrant thing.
I feel very free, for the first time in a long time.
Because when I found the self-confidence to just be who I am, it's allowed me to strengthen all of the relationships that I think I weakened by not living honest.
Okay, I love you.
Good to see you.
- Love you.
- Love you guys.
- See you later.
- Derek is a wonderful guy.
And I'm really happy that our relationship ended up where it did.
And now I really wanna focus on building a future with Nik.
- Ready? - Shh.
Why does it sort of naturally happen? - That you drive? - Yes.
No matter what.
'Cause you're the dude.
Nik and I have been dying to get a little video camera.
Just to start documenting some of our, you know, life together.
And Derek is coming with me on my quest to find the perfect gift for Nik.
This place is massive.
I know.
I am interested in getting the flip camera.
- Okay.
- I was hoping you could tell me a little bit about them.
Okay.
This one here, you can play it through your tv.
I can plug this directly into the television? Look behind you.
- I'm gonna press play.
- Oh, my God.
- Then it's playing.
- Boom.
- Wow.
- Boom.
That's so cool from this.
Does the picture look different? I think the ultra's smarter.
Especially when you guys are traveling and stuff.
- Now, if it was me - Yes.
I'd probably go with the smaller one.
'Cause you're really coming down in size, I think.
- Yeah.
- Good choice.
Thank you.
See, that's why I brought you here.
Good choice.
Having known Jill, and just kind of going through life a little bit together, it certainly made me kind of emotional, thinking that, you know, they've found each other.
I gotta record something on it, and just stand it by the coffee maker.
For me, I always just sort of wanted her just to be happy.
And the last piece of this puzzle - Hmm? - Is hiding this somewhere.
So she finds it in the morning and doesn't It's fun, it's exciting, and you know, it's a first.
And it's the only Valentine's day that she will be my fiancée.
This is where she will never look.
Because this is where all the workout equipment is.
Hi! So I thought Raquel got the day off, but it turns out she has to work the entire weekend.
- You're kidding! - Which is lovely.
Ooh! I think Valentine's day is just a fucking bullshit overrated day that people at the greeting card companies made up just to zap more money out of us.
Well, I guess your romantic dinner will be a different time and place.
It's hard for me to understand that the world doesn't revolve around me and my schedule.
It'd be nice if she could actually, like, get some time off of work for me.
For me, it's frustrating, because when I'm not right in the middle of planning Fashion Week, I will take extra days off of work just to be with Raquel.
And it's hard, because she can't do the same thing for me.
She can't bail out on a day of work.
I can't afford not to work, so a lot of times I've had to work through those days off.
So it's been a little difficult.
And I'm really bummed out, because I just wanted to have some time to spend with Mikey.
I feel like I give a lot more in that in my time, and trying to make time for her, than I get in return.
- Ah! - Ah! See, every time you try to kill it, you lose.
Story of my life.
I am stopping by my mom's dance studio today.
- Mommy.
- Hi.
We're going to get lunch and discuss some wedding plans.
I'm really excited.
Oh, you never met Allen.
Allen, this is my daughter, Nik.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
Finally.
I've heard a lot about you.
Thank you.
My mom is an amazing woman.
She's my confidante and my best friend.
And my mom adores Jill.
Sometimes I think she likes her better than me.
You're gonna check in between my feet.
Check, replace.
And left, right, left, chassé.
Under the arm, and we'll do it again.
And two, three, four.
And one, and two, and three.
Take it out, and one.
I thought I had the dance gene like my mother.
But trust me, I do not have the dance gene at all.
So have you ever thought about dancing yourself? Uh - I've thought about it for her.
- Yeah.
But I'm not a dance person, I'm a two-left-feet person.
No, you're not.
Come here.
- Oh, but I am.
- Come here for two seconds.
- Come here, okay.
- The height is good.
- The height? - The height's working.
Right? Okay, take your right foot back.
- This right one.
- Right foot back.
Take your left to the side.
You're teaching me the box step? - Yes.
- Uh-huh.
Close your feet, left foot forward.
Right foot to the side.
Can I put a little hip into it? And close your feet.
Oh, see, I messed up already.
I'm doomed.
No, but that's okay, why don't you put a package together for you and your fiancée? You mean like for the first dance? Yeah, for your first dance.
Just give her the gift certificate on Valentine's day.
Do it.
Jill and I are getting married.
But we both cannot dance.
Jill's gonna be just as bad as I am.
Jill's gonna be worse than me.
- No, she's gonna be great.
- No, she won't, - she'll be great.
- I figured this would be something sweet and we could take the lessons together.
It should be fun.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Mwah.
Thank you.
But Allen, I want dance lessons from you.
- Yes.
- Like, you.
You caused this, you get the You get to have the punishment.
- I will, okay.
- Okay.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi, what are you doing? I just put on some lingerie, and I was thinking of you.
Oh, good.
Put on the heels too.
So what time you coming? I'll be there at 11:15.
- Bye, baby, I love you.
- Bye, I love you too.
Tomorrow, Tracy and I wanna celebrate Valentine's day with the kids.
So tonight we're gonna have a dinner, the two of us, for an early Valentine's day.
Look who's here, guys.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Tracy.
When I look at Tracy, she reminds me of myself.
Because when I got into my relationship with Julie, I was 31 years old.
When we started dating, she was already pregnant with Jagger.
So I kinda signed up for a lot from the second that relationship started.
- Were you up all morning? - Were you not? I've been up since 7:00.
Now it's mamaca time and Tracy time, I need you to just chill out for a sec, okay.
- I wanna - You did a lot today? - I wanna go - I cleaned the entire garage.
- I wanna go - I did three loads of laundry.
- What do you want? - I started watching a movie, I wanna go on the couch, momma.
Shh, do you wanna get down? - Yeah.
- Okay.
You wake up one day, and you might be off-balance or so, and I had a morning like that.
And then to kinda go see her, and then not have the time to download, 'cause suddenly the kids are around.
And that's, you know, your first priority.
Jagger, stop yelling.
You just gotta wait for the right moment, I guess.
And that's that's the struggle for me.
The house is a bit hectic, and with the three kids, it's enough to handle.
A dog's a whole other thing.
Babe, they're gonna piss on everything.
No, they have to be able to see out.
- Why? - Because they're dogs.
My dogs are the love of my life.
If anything happened to my dog, it would crush me.
Have you used that before? Yeah, but it was a little complicated, this one's not mine.
It's kind of hard when she puts them a little bit lower on the totem pole.
And it's like, well, they're not as important, you know? I think I should stay here with the dogs.
I love dogs, but when you have kids, having dogs is a little much.
There must be something in the air.
Everyone's feisty today.
I don't know, I woke up feisty this morning.
You okay, little man? Yeah? I know, it's an adjustment.
It's an adjustment, buddy.
You'll be fine.
It's an adjustment for me too.
I'm being pulled in 20 different directions at once.
So it's kind of like Just need a little not a break, but I don't know.
I gotta slow down.
And this is not slow.
You done being cranky, baby? You're off-balance.
I'm off-balance too.
I'm off-balance, I'm I know, I know.
You're a constant off-balance.
I'm just saying.
I want give me one day of off-balance.
Rose has had her share of girlfriends.
So I want to do something that no one else has ever done for her before.
Hi, how are you? Good to see you.
Hi, how are you? I'm meeting my friend, Blanca.
She's a photographer.
I wanna wear these And I just wanna cover my boobs.
- Okay.
- With my hands.
I am working on this Valentine's day photo shoot for Rose.
She has no idea what I'm doing.
I'm ready.
I'm a little nervous about these pictures.
Just chin up a little bit.
Um, okay.
- Show me your bedroom eyes.
- My sex eyes? Yeah, your sex eyes.
Lean this way a little bit.
I've never done anything like this before.
I've never really had an inspiration.
Now I do.
Rose.
We just need to get your form right, - so you don't slouch.
- Yeah, I don't wanna slouch.
Cover your stuff.
Should I put a cloud there? So nat and I have kind of had a little bit of a rough week.
But, you know, we care about each other, we love each other.
And I'm trying hard to soften the tension, and make Natalie feel better.
I had put in an online reservation, I just wanted to confirm if you guys did receive it.
Valentine's day is coming up, and it's our first Valentine's day.
What I did wanna do was have some sort of private setting, in a gazebo, or that's perfect.
My agenda is to make it not only memorable, but super romantic.
Okay, thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
Half mission accomplished.
Valentine's day is coming up, and I don't know who is gonna be my Valentine.
I'm guessing the best answer is no one.
I'm not gonna say I have a way with the ladies, but I'm just saying, like, I get myself into enough predicaments that maybe I should just focus on work.
We're in the middle of preparing for a job doing a horror movie.
We have a lot of work to do for the movie, Voodoo Cowboy, it's a long process, but it's really interesting.
It's really cool.
Hello, darling.
I'm in the middle of working on that face skin mask.
Fantastic.
I'm glad you guys are working on it, I hope you're having fun with it.
Of course, so much fun.
I met Ian about two years ago on the job while doing special effects.
He's a great guy.
I've heard a rumor he's got a little crush on me, but I'm not sure if that's true.
I'm pretty sure it's true.
The lead female character, Reese She's really just become this bad-ass, zombie-killing, hard-nosed chick.
And your look, your style we'd like to offer you the lead female role.
No! That sounds dope.
But I mean, my acting experience, it's limited.
Up until this point, I really haven't been an actress.
But the character is a bad-ass chick.
So I'm actually excited to get to fall into that role.
You just need to look like you know how to handle a gun.
I'm down.
At this point in my life, I basically am open for any experience I could possibly have in front of me.
You know, I like to try everything once.
And if it doesn't suck too bad the first time, I'll try it again.
And if it sucks really bad, I might try it three times, so.
There she is.
Hello.
- Hello.
- I'm ready.
- So I talked to Ian.
- And? And he wants me to be in the movie.
Yay.
I wonder who's playing Shaner - Your love interest.
- No.
- Yeah.
- So a heterosexual love? Yes.
Am I gonna have to be "intimate" with a man? I don't know.
I've dated guys when I was younger through high school.
But I never intended on hooking up with another dude again.
It's clearly gonna be sexy.
And with Ian, it could go either way.
It could be the blood and gore that's sexy, or it could be you that's sexy.
I gotta get sexy in the next two months.
'Cause I'm not gonna be bending down and having, like, fupa.
Fupa stands for " fat upper pussy area.
" I don't wanna have a fupa in the movie.
I have to be ripped.
Should I have bigger boobs for this role? Yeah, let's go get bigger boobs.
Wipe your hands.
Wanna go put your pajamas on? No, she's gonna take a bath.
Okay.
Come on.
Jagger, no.
What do you wanna play with? You wanna take a bath? No.
This Valentine's day is very different than any one I've ever had before.
Because I don't know what it is to have three children under the age of five.
You got something.
- What's that? - You need a new diaper.
Anything else? Nothing? Clean? Good job.
Our plan is to celebrate Valentine's day tonight instead of tomorrow night.
So we're trying to get the kids to bed so we can make our And it's kind of alone time to kind of check in with each other.
No, now we're gonna go calm down.
Let's calm down.
Let's burn, like, some nag champa or something, put him to sleep.
Do they look like they're ready for bed? - No.
- What the hell today? They're ready to party.
Come on, let's go in our beds.
I'll go get the happy, come on.
Come on, Jagger.
Let's go to bed.
Oh, there's Prince Eric.
Go inside.
Hey, did they sleep last night? Babe, it's the binkies.
They don't have their binkies.
- It's binkie crack.
- Yeah, it is binkie crack.
I am feeling exhausted.
It's the first night I've had them without their binkies, and I think they're withdrawing from crack.
- Ok.
- Good luck.
Sorry.
You're gonna lay down.
Come on.
No, no! I know you're tired.
You're tired, I know.
I know you're tired.
I know, I know.
No, Nico, you have to listen to mamaca.
You have to listen to me.
No, you have to you have to listen to me, okay? Are you guys in your beds? Everybody has to be in their bed.
I know you're exhausted, Nico.
Isn't this romantic? Check it out.
It's hard, because with her and the kids, you give, give, give all day.
And you know, work to a point where you want something back.
And for me, it's that alone time with Stamie.
Yeah.
Everyone's almost sleeping.
Here.
Okay.
Good night.
Love you.
Done? - Yeah? - Wow, maritza, it's 8:30? You know, I wanted more time with my girlfriend.
And when I realized that that time was not there, it's a little bit of a letdown actually.
Oh, there's Jagger.
Jagger.
Is that you? Are those your fingers in the door? No.
Both: Happy first Valentine's day.
- You too.
- Thank you.
Mm.
Is this how you imagined the last few months of your 29th birthday to go? No, not at all.
Did you wanna go out tonight? No, I wanna be trapped in the house forever.
Hi.
It's Valentine's day.
Mm.
This time last year remember? You were going home tomorrow.
Ugh, I don't wanna think about it.
Now you don't have to go home.
I appreciate Jill so much.
Because we dated long-distance for a while about seven months from San Francisco to Los Angeles.
We still wake up everyday, and we're so grateful that neither one of us has to jump on a plane to go back home.
I know that we promised each other that we weren't gonna do anything this year, but I lied.
You're a sneak.
There's a card in there first.
- You're a sneak.
- Read the card.
"It's hard to believe that this time last year we only dreamed of happily ever after together.
We've come such a long way.
And I appreciate every single moment with you, never taking anything for granted.
And I can't wait to walk down the aisle with you.
Happy Valentine's day, my baby.
I love you so very much.
" It's fun to be all warm and fuzzy.
The two of us, I mean you have two women in a relationship, how could it not ooze, you know, romance and fuzzy? No! No way, you're good! You're so good.
"Dance with confidence, ease, and flair, on your big day.
We make the first dance The most romantic of your life.
" - Baby, seven private lessons.
- Baby, I love you.
I think it is such a creative and useful gift.
I'm totally panicking, because I have absolutely no idea how to do any of these dances that I think we're gonna have to do.
- Coffee? - Yes.
- Really? - Yes, really.
Did you make it last night? - I put the machine on.
- Oh.
What? Baby! Shut up! Baby! - Baby.
- You know Oh, I love you.
- Forget the coffee.
- Forget the coffee? Yeah, come in.
Faker.
"To the love and light of my life, everything is brighter with you by my side, and I cannot wait for every single tomorrow together forever.
Be mine.
I'm forever yours.
I love you.
" Oh, my God! You got us a flip! This is so awesome.
We have to make our first movie right now.
Oh.
Or our second movie.
I'm standing in front of the very special restaurant that you took me to last Valentine's day, to wish you a very beautiful and happy second Valentine's day.
It's the best gift ever.
And we can film our dancing! So this girl is coming here in 20 minutes.
Whitney's training for a horror movie.
I think she's gonna be a zombie killer.
I have five minutes to smoke and then not smell like smoke.
'Cause I feel, like, ashamed to smoke in front of somebody very healthy.
Whitney has this vibe about her.
She's spiritual, and she's great, and she cares about you.
And that's what attracted me to her.
But I haven't really hooked up with her.
Like, I don't know if something's ever gonna happen again between us.
- Just cardio, aw.
- Just be you.
- Is that good enough? - Yeah.
Aw, thanks.
Look at that, that was like an after school special that just happened.
I found a trainer to get me in shape for voodoo cowboy.
Initially, I watched a little video of her.
She looked like a badass chick.
She's in super good shape.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- I'm Whitney.
- I'm Miranda.
- Nice to meet you.
Turns out that Miranda is shockingly attractive.
Welcome to my home.
P.
S.
We all knew that we loved you, because we we Youtubed your name.
- You saw my video? - This is Alyssa.
She saunters in and is hot.
Miranda is hot.
And I take one look at Whitney, and her eyes are going And I was like, oh, God, here we go.
Her and I do special effects makeup.
We got hired on this job.
And a friend of ours is working on it, and he called me up and was, like, "you know, actually there's this character, you'd be perfect for it.
Like, I see you as her.
" Apparently, I scream shaman warrior zombie-killer.
Oh, that's what I was thinking.
Yeah.
I have two months.
- You have two months, okay.
- I have two months.
I have to get in really good shape.
And I would like to, like, rip up my abs.
- Okay.
- Type thing.
Okay, well with the abs thing, that's obviously gonna be a trimming down thing.
So we're gonna have to look at your diet, your partying, whatever.
Are you smoking, drinking, anything? - Uh - All of the above.
Yeah.
I do smoke a little bit.
- Wine? - Yep.
- Booze.
- Yes.
- I mean, it's just still - it's extra calories.
- Right.
I'm down to start, like, tomorrow.
- Let's do it.
- You wanna do it? Let's do it.
I'm committing to the no carbs, no beer thing.
She pretty much hammered it down on me.
She really didn't mention about sex, but I would think it's good cardio, so I think I should probably get Maybe I should look into that more.
I gotta get this little tookus in shape.
- We'll get that in shape.
- All right, good.
You won't be able to sit on the toilet.
Good, that's what I like.
I stand when I pee anyway.
All right, it was great meeting you.
It was great meeting you.
So I'll see you tomorrow.
I'll call you in a little bit and we'll figure out you know, once I figure out my schedule.
Okay.
I'm curious is Miranda gay? I don't know.
This one's tricky.
- I don't know.
- Well, did you get - the vibe off of her or no? - I don't know.
I think everybody's gay.
The whole world has gone gay.
Usually I have a good gaydar, I mean, there's, like, a light bleep on the map.
But I'm not really sure.
But that's never stopped Whitney before.
Whitney's the Fonz.
She's hot.
Yep.
I'm not gonna lie.
Coming out here, I thought it was gonna be a little bit different than this.
I think it's so awkward.
Like, living with Whitney, and not really knowing what's going on, and I have to deal with her talking about other girls and stuff.
We should've found you a hideous trainer.
I wouldn't be as motivated.
She's got a good sense of humor, too.
I think it'll help my motivation.
Her sense of humor, or that she's hot? Yes.
Do I feel like I would want to hook up with her? I mean, is a frog's ass watertight? This is not gonna be good.
It's not gonna be good.
Let's make a bet now.
She's totally straight and Whitney horrifies her.
Or she's totally straight, Whitney converts her.
Or option C.
She's got a girlfriend, Whitney breaks them up.
I definitely think there's gonna be some boning going on.
Whitney has to know that she's a player.
She's gotta know.
But I think she loves it.
She loves the attention.
She's lucky she doesn't have a dick, 'cause she'd have a lot of kids.
Well, we both know.
That? That's a video that mamaca took.
- That was fun.
- We need to go back there.
- Uh-huh.
- That was romantic.
Oh, no! Look who's here.
Maritza, are you ready to take them to the park? Tracy and I are gonna run out.
Let's go.
Come on, chop chop.
We're on a schedule.
I don't put a lot of emphasis on Valentine's day, but I am used to having, I guess, alone time with whoever I'm dating on Valentine's day, - which means a lot.
- I love you! - I love you too! - Bye-bye.
- Kat - Mikey Is this mine? So much for my diet.
Fried chicken.
I have a surprise for you today.
Since Raquel and I can't be together today, I definitely wanna set up another special day with the other woman in my life that I'm very close to my Aunt Kat.
I don't have time.
I have not written the checks yet.
I can take everything home and do it from home.
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Over, like, a six year period, she ended up having a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy.
Anything that made her feel like a woman has basically been removed from her body.
We have a meeting at planet salon that I need you to come to.
Why are you looking at me You guys are lying.
Because you know my history.
Once you've been bald, you get really touchy about people cutting your hair.
And today is all about new beginnings.
My mom, she had me when she was young.
And I don't think she really wanted to have children, so that was really tough.
But my Aunt Kat, she helped raise me when I was younger.
And she's been through so much.
And the bottom line is is she needs to feel good about herself again and see what everybody else sees about her.
Having a great afternoon for you.
You deserve it.
Will you be my girl? If you ever give me carnations Will you be my Valentine? What do you want for Valentine's day? I have everything I want for Valentine's day, baby.
So when you cleaned your garage - did you find anything? - Yeah.
- Like what? - I cried yesterday.
- You cried? - Yeah.
I found a box of my grandmother's stuff.
I know, your grandma was your best friend, right? - My best friend in the world.
- That's hard to get over.
Stamie is very family-oriented.
And I sort of am all about family.
I swear, like, it's family and animals.
- You guys are similar.
- Aw.
She probably would've liked you.
I know it's probably hard, 'cause your parents aren't together anymore now.
How old were you when they got divorced? Mm 25, I think.
So it's kind of it's sort of recent, you know? Man, that's hard.
I think everyone has their process of how they deal with stuff, and what I can do is love Tracy, and treat her, you know, like our family, and if she needs a hug or, you know, a little Somewhere to rest her head, I'll be here for her.
You know, at the park there was a guy holding his kid.
And it was so cute to see guys with their children, like, on their shoulders.
And sometimes I You know, my kids are never gonna have that, and sometimes I feel Not a lot, but sometimes I feel for them.
Like, they're not gonna have a dad, but they don't know any different.
You're gonna be fine.
I do think that a kid should have a male figure in his life.
And raising boys especially, a dude that can relate and has the same anatomy as Nico and Jagger.
But I think that as long as they have love, they're gonna be fine.
Do you wanna go for a walk? Or we don't have time? I wanna hang out with the kids now, I don't wanna go for a walk.
You know when I get torn the past four however long, like four months? It's, like, with kids and work, it's been great.
But it's a lot.
Even though I'm with you, it's you know, it's all the kids, you have to plan around that.
Mm-hmm.
This conversation would go a lot better if you took your shirt off.
- Seriously.
- Yes, baby.
Will you be my Valentine? If you take your top off.
Babe! I think that we were so exhausted from the weekend in general, that we finally got to download and kind of check in with each other.
So this lunch was really important for us.
Hey, how's it going? - How are you? - Awesome.
We are here for my aunt's afternoon of beauty.
Excellent.
Roy here will show you, - actually, where to change.
- Boy, I need it.
Would you like something to drink today? - Hey, Elle.
- Expecting you.
All right, fantastic.
- This is Romi.
- Hi.
She's gonna be doing your makeup.
And I'm assuming you're Kat? Yeah.
What's your name? - Romi.
- Romi, hi.
- And what was your name? - Elle.
Elle, it's a pleasure to meet both of you.
What are you gonna do to it? Listen, I want you to feel comfortable to communicate to her what you're comfortable with.
I can do something really light and natural, and then if you feel like you wanna just kind of bump up the eyes a little, see, the only thing I know how to do is my lips.
It's gonna look beautiful.
Hey.
What's up? I'm sorry, everybody.
I'm just learning I'm not gonna be the person - that I used to be before.
- My Aunt Kat, she was kind of an instrumental part of my life.
I had a really good life with her growing up.
And things were tough.
I mean, we definitely grew up poor and in a really in a really horrible area.
But we made the best of it, and now we're here today.
Come here, group hug.
Group hug.
Group hug, group hug! We're gonna have fun today and be beautiful.
So was Mikey, like, a big pain in the ass when she was a kid? Was she as big of a pain in the ass as a kid as she is now? Um, let me see, when she was a kid - No.
- Did you just - call me a pain in the ass? - No, actually.
Oh, I remember cutting your hair.
- Oh, my God.
- I remember you giving me a bald spot in my head.
You put a bowl on my head, and you cut my hair.
I remember cutting your hair and Awesome.
- My first lesbian cut.
- It was not.
I didn't even know I was gay yet.
It was not.
It was a Dorothy Hamill cut.
Dorothy Hamill.
That's what we're giving you today.
Yes, please! Give it back.
Where's the bowl? - Hi, baby.
- Wow.
- I got you flowers.
- You sure did.
Do you like them? I love them, are you kidding? When we were speaking about, you know, Valentine's day, I sort of hinted and dropped hints that I have no time, you know, between work meetings and everything else going on.
- Hi, papa.
- These are so pretty.
I don't know how I'm gonna do this.
Natalie's definitely gonna be surprised.
She has no idea that I'm gonna be doing something special.
Do you have any idea what's going on? No, I have no idea what's going on.
- You're clueless? - Yes.
- Like, how clueless? - Like, I'm fucking clueless.
Okay.
Here, I got you some flowers.
- Ooh.
- Some red roses.
- Thank you, baby.
- Almost as pretty as yours.
We have lots of red roses now.
Give me a kiss.
Okay.
- We have to go somewhere.
- Okay.
I'm, like, what the fuck is going on? I was amazed that Rose put effort into Valentine's day.
We weren't really gonna do much, and I was really excited to go out to dinner.
Excited.
I have no idea where we're going.
Wanna know what I wrote? Baby, I don't want you to be on Twitter, - I need you to get off that.
- I wrote Seriously, I need you to do me a favor.
"Being in love is the best gift ever.
" I need you to really pay attention to me right now.
Don't go on Twitter, don't fuck with your phone, I'm only gonna say that once to you.
You don't have to say it again.
All right.
This Valentine's day, it's all about the kids.
And we want them to experience sort of what Valentine's day is supposed to be.
It's just all about love.
We're just gonna throw a big party for the kids.
No, I can't take my bra off, not when you're in here.
Jagger has a slight obsession with boobies.
And I think it's the cutest thing in the world.
How about when I come out? - I want to see you - How about when I come out we'll go play with shapes? Kids, they've definitely thrown me some curveballs in a way that are really hard to deal with.
But sometimes, they are little lovebugs.
I never know what I'm gonna get any day, something new always comes up.
- Remember this? - Mm-hmm.
So we have to sign our names for mamaca.
This is her Valentine's day card.
Spin it around and down.
Good job! - Mamaca! - What did you get me? Jagger, may I have my card that you got me? - That was Jagger's card.
- Oh, it's your card? This is mamaca's card.
This is good Valentine's day, stealing it from him.
Aw! Jagger, thank you for my card.
It's beautiful.
Hey, Trace, is this how you guys celebrate Valentine's day? It is, this is our first Valentine's day.
This has set the bar.
I'll probably take her on the Ferris wheel tomorrow.
There you go.
Maybe buy her some cotton candy.
When you get in a relationship with somebody with kids, we put our time kind of on the side and the kids first.
But I think it's fine, and I'm not scared of it at all.
Is it Valentine's day? It's the end of Valentine's day.
What do you say to mamaca? You say Happy Valentine's day.
Happy Valentine's day.
Do you flatiron it, or blow dry it, or anything? I have flatironed it.
But some days you're just like, okay, fine.
Tell me about the girl you're dating.
I'm not dating anybody.
There's it's it's just a mess.
- Kind of.
- A hot mess? A hot mess.
A hot mess.
Okay, most importantly, is she cuter than me? You're not doing this.
What? She's cute.
She's really cute.
I'm really, really attracted to her.
- Really attracted to her.
- Cool.
- What's this girl's name? - Whitney.
- Whitney.
- Mm-hmm.
And what does Whitney do? She is a makeup artist, and Does she work in a salon, or is she independent? Yeah, she does special effects.
Okay, fantastic.
So like, blood and guts basically hanging out? - Yeah.
- She's that girl? Zombie, all that kind of stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Do you guys do makeup together? Do you, like, go home at night and, like We're not together.
No.
Okay, fine.
Whatever.
The person that you're really attracted to The person I really, really like.
So I don't know if you need to take that off, or ? - Permanent lip color? - Yeah.
I'm just gonna do a tinted moisturizer on you.
Actually, sometimes I just get up and wash my face with water.
Obviously, spending Valentine's day without my partner really sucks.
But I'm really excited about my aunt's makeover.
I'm like, I can't wait to see what she looks like.
Oh, my God! Look at my aunt! - Beautiful.
- Kat, you gotta give us the little runway strut right here.
Come on! Look at you! Oh, my God! Mikey rocks.
I just love her.
She's done so much for me, and you know oh, my God, look what she's done for me.
I feel really good.
I feel really, really I feel beautiful.
I didn't feel that way when I walked in.
And I feel that now.
Look at you! Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.
Looking good.
- I love you.
- You look gorgeous.
- You look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
So beautiful.
Amazing.
- I love you.
- All right.
- Go grab your stuff.
- Okay.
Grab a cocktail.
Do you feel like it? Yeah.
I don't wanna go home to an empty house tonight, so I'm gonna take off with the girls from planet salon and head over to the abbey for a cocktail.
Open that.
Baby, open the You need to follow directions tonight.
When it comes to Natalie and I, and things that I do for her, she tends to remind me that it's all a swipe of a card or dropping down some cash.
With our little Valentine's day excursion, I'm incorporating a little bit of imagination into it.
- Can you see anything? - I can't see anything.
Okay, I just want you to relax, lay back.
Just chill out for a little bit.
- Are you comfortable? - Yes.
All right.
Wait, hold on.
I'm definitely getting impatient.
Because I've had the blindfold on, and because I've been waiting for as long as I've been waiting.
And I'm definitely getting dizzy.
And I'm ready for the blindfold to come off.
Hold on, dude.
Ooh, this is pretty, baby.
- Happy Valentine's day.
- Happy Valentine's day to you.
This is so nice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
So box number one was ? The blindfold.
- And getting here.
- Yes.
And then number two's behind you.
Box number two is her personal massage that I've arranged in our room.
That is so awesome.
That's so freaking awesome.
Thank you.
Why are you so upset? Are you upset, or are they tears of joy? I'm just surprised.
When I opened the box I just started crying because I thought about how much of an effort Rose really put into Valentine's day.
There's a lot of passion in our relationship, something I've never experienced before.
It's good passion, sometimes bad passion.
But in the end, it ends up being really good.
Enjoy yourself, baby.
While she's getting her massage, I fixed the closet and ironed all our dresses.
Make sure that everything's, like, perfect.
I think you're all done, huh? Yeah.
Can you come here and sit down with me? Okay, are you ready for box number three? - Can I open it? - Open it's just chocolate.
You mean, my favorite.
Chocolates.
Open it and read it.
"Now that you've relaxed, it's time to be wined and dined.
" Ooh, we got the pretty dresses.
Will you shower with me? We'll never get out.
It's not gonna happen, you know that.
You think we'll be 30 minutes of fully getting ready - if I shower with you? - Yeah.
You're such a fucking liar.
Hurry up.
Oh, I have something for you in the bedroom.
I got you an ice cream cone That's very nice of you, babe.
- With something inside.
- My ice cream cone.
- No, shh, sit down.
- What's inside it? Do you know what it is? Shut up.
- You're kidding, right? - What is that? What is this, Nico? Is that a key to your house? - Yeah.
- It is? I think you've passed the test.
- Stop.
You are? - You get a key to the house.
You're such a dork.
Tracy's awesome.
And I'm happy to have my key on her key chain, if you know what I mean.
Nico, look, your mama gave me a key.
Is she crazy? - I love you.
- How sweet.
Nico was in the room when I was giving Tracy the key, because it's like we're gonna have fun But there's gonna be a lot of serious stuff you have to deal with.
So it was kind of, you know, feeling her out.
And I think she reacted well to the fact that I gave her a key.
Whoa, whoa.
Climb, please, climb.
Maxie, we can come and go when we please.
This means I don't have to wait outside in the rain anymore.
Climb, climb.
That was only once.
I think Stamie giving me a key tells me that she trusts me.
It's reassurance, I guess, that we are quite strong and we are going in the right direction.
The logical next step for us would probably be moving in together.
But I'm ready to get a key to her house, but I'm not ready to move in.
I've never moved in with somebody I was dating.
And I think that you have to really know somebody before you do that.
And I think that we're still in the getting-to-know-you process.
- He's always at it.
- Thank you for my key.
- Oh, you're so welcome.
- That's sweet.
Should I give you one of mine now? No, I know where you keep your extra.
- Hello? - Hello.
- Hello.
- Hey, babe.
Hey.
I'm relaxing and shit, seriously just feeling so tired.
But then I get a call from Romi, and she wants me to come meet her at the abbey.
I think you should come.
I know, but I feel like I feel like I'm running myself down.
Oh, I'm so mad, I'm so mad.
- Shut up.
- Are you coming? Yeah, I think so.
I was gonna stay in, have a low-key night.
But fuck it, it's Valentine's day, right? I enjoy spending time with Romi.
And honestly, I think the reason why I get myself into situations in general is because I like to make girls feel good.
Rose makes, like, the kind of things you see on movies come to life like romantic comedies and fairy tales.
The lighting, the sound of the water - It's pretty.
- Beautiful.
You're amazing, Rose.
The way I treat a girl, like, my motto has always been, um, if someone's gonna take the time to come out with me, like, they're gonna have the best time ever.
It's gonna be the best date they ever had.
Ever day I wake up in the morning, what do I do? What do I tell you I want to see? My boobs? You're so funny.
"Let me see your tits.
" Why did you get a breast reduction? Why? You joking me right now? Rose likes to fucking joke, pick on me.
But I pick on her boobs too.
She has really nice boobs.
Just so you guys all know.
I'm just upset that you got a reduction.
I'm fucking confused over that.
We had wine and I was a little bit more loosened up.
I decided that it's time to give her her gift.
- Happy Valentine's day.
- Wait, I - Just open it.
- Wow.
Baby, you look amazing.
Wow.
This is my favorite.
It's like a dream come true.
Like, I'm about to cry right now? Can I just tell you something right now? What? This is the moment after seeing this photo that I've accepted your breast reduction.
I swear to God.
No bullshit.
Stupid.
You'll never hear me talk about it again.
Could you just be romantic right now? I am.
Probably one of the best gifts I think I've ever gotten.
I know Natalie.
She's real shy.
Even though she's a very pretty, sexy girl, to put herself out there like that, you know, for me in that way, um, you know, means a lot.
Give me a kiss.
I'm glad you got a breast reduction.
You look beautiful.
This is amazing.
This is beyond amazing, baby.
Like, I'd fall in love with myself if I were you.
I'm already in love with you.
Love has never been an issue for me.
My problem is is I have a lot of love.
I spread it around.
- It wasn't love then.
- Really? - Is that what you think? - Mm-hmm.
There's love and there's real love.
But then there's, like There's a connection The love of your life kind of shit.
Yeah.
- So don't fuck it up.
- I would never Rose is very guarded.
But I know her down to, like, her core.
And I don't think Rose is afraid to be in love because she is in love.
But I think she's just afraid of being hurt by me.
Which will never happen.
She takes care of me and I take care of her.
This is perfect.
Thank you.
Did you, uh, call your friend to join us tonight? Yeah.
Whitney is coming.
- Whitney? - She's coming.
- I love it.
- And you're gonna meet her.
I have a feeling Whitney and I are gonna be like this.
You're gonna be oh, you know what, that's really funny you say that 'cause you probably will be.
That would be awesome 'cause I would, like, feel like we had great sex - What it is? - There it is.
We've been talking about your dreads and how hot they are.
Wow.
I heard what an amazing makeup artist you are.
Special effects.
I can make you look dead.
I can't make you look beautiful.
I feel like I look dead right now.
But if you can make me look alive, that would be amazing.
- There you go.
Perfect.
- Best friends forever! Romi's pissed because instantly Mikey and I hit it off and kind of forget Romi's sitting there.
Do you guys actually mind switching seats so me and Whitney can sit a little bit closer together? We're gonna we're gonna switch, Romi.
- No, do you mind? - No.
No.
Absolutely.
No.
This is where she's comfortable.
Can you take your purse with you because I'm gonna go, guys.
You guys have fun.
No, Romi Romi, you have to go get our drinks.
- Yeah.
- Oh, what do you want to drink? Get my girl, Whitney, a cocktail here.
Yeah, your girl.
Yeah, she's my girl at this point so you're pretty much out of the picture.
Mikey is so high energy.
She's great.
She just is, like, one big ball of happy and a little bit of champagne on the side.
'Cause I think that was flowing pretty pretty loosely.
- Oh! - Oh! Oh, wait, wait, I did that.
Watch out, Whit.
Watch out.
- We're running with it.
- We're running wild.
I love Whitney.
Whitney's so cool.
Um, she's, like, a white chick with dreads.
Totally butch.
So tell me exactly what it is you do.
I pretty much would be a bottom for you at this point.
- You would.
- I I mean, you know.
I mean, you know, I'm on top.
- And you never met before.
- How did we never meet before? This is our meeting.
"Top" in lesbian culture basically just means you like to take the reins on things.
You know, like, you're more of the giver as opposed to the recipient.
But, you know, obviously the tables turn and the hottest sex is mutual pleasure.
Hey, it was love at first sight.
- Was it? - Cheers.
When I saw your dreads Maybe we should drink like this.
Oh, right? Every time I meet Whitney out, she decides to become best friends with everybody.
And I hate I hate my life.
See, you have great boobs.
You have great boobs.
Yes, you do.
- All right, we're doing this.
- Whoa! Normally, I would just rip this off.
I I'm pants.
I like the girls I'm with to be pumps.
So I was, like, "Mikey, you're a little too pants right now.
We're gonna have to do a little femme makeover.
" Give me the vest.
Give me the vest.
I'm blocking here.
I'm blocking.
I think I'm turned on by this.
I don't know.
- Ha ha.
- I can't even believe this.
This is unlike Mikey at all.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Wait.
I'm gonna do some of this.
Apparently, I've had too many cocktails at this point because that's probably something that would've never happened if I was sober.
Can you tuck my cock can you tuck my cock in? Let me tuck your cock in-between your legs.
Mikey looks hot.
I mean, Mikey looked hot before.
Don't get me wrong.
But a little lip gloss, Mikey's fucking smoking.
You make me so jealous right now.
- Romi.
- Uh-uh.
Fucking kill her.
Listen, you introduced us.
You introduced us.
Yeah.
You two are the most beautiful girls I've I've ever met alongside my girlfriend.
And I just think that - Oh, why, thank you.
- Mikey, you're amazing.
Mikey's amazing.
I'm happy to see you both together.
So I appreciate that.
I love Mikey.
I can't I can't I can't help the fact that I love Mikey.
I love me and her too.
Raquel is very busy in her life, in her schedule, and everything, and, uh, it doesn't kind of incorporate me.
Think it's probably time for me to go home.
- Oh.
Hey! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! It's just kind of tough right now 'cause we're not, like, really meshing.
- All right, I'm gonna go home.
- All right.
I borrowed your rose petals.
I'm sorry.
That's really pretty.
I feel very lucky to have someone do something so above and beyond for me.
Can I have you sit here? Actually, I'm proposing you stand.
I think that you sit here.
- Hold that.
- Yes.
And and we do this.
What? We do what? We do what? Valentine's day, um, is definitely the highlight of our relationship so far.
I mean, it was an amazing night.
Um, and it it ended even more amazing.
Oh, my Like, come on.
Ah.
I don't have a Valentine.
Nor do I know if I want a Valentine.
But I just don't want to be alone tonight.
And Romi is a good-looking girl.
I know exactly what to do to you.
I'm calling your bluff.
It's just interesting to see how far Romi's come.
A week ago she ran from me.
She was freaking out about Sara.
And now I'm in bed with her.
And she's taking her shirt off and not giving a fuck really.
Freezing in here.
Lower.
Could you imagine like being in love with your best girlfriend? I mean that's who I fuck all the time.
Amazing.
I've never been alone on Valentine's day.
If I'm with someone, it's the most romantic day of the fucking year, in my twenties I would have, like, Valentine's day with three or four girls a year.
If I'm fucking single, then all these chocolates can fuck off.
Valentine's days that I've had were more memorable with women.
Wait a minute, when is Valentine's day? What does Valentine's day mean to me? Fucking nothing.
It was a ridiculous holiday created by greeting card companies to make more money.
Previously on The Real L Word - D money! - Whoo! My best friend Derek's coming to visit.
I haven't seen him since we got engaged.
I cannot wait to take your shirt off.
There's definitely feelings.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was concerned.
Because I can't compete with a man.
So if she wanted that, there's nothing I could do about it.
Welcome to Los Angeles.
Tor is the cousin of Alyssa, my best friend.
She and I hooked up a couple months ago.
Romi, what time are you going in the jacuzzi? You know Tor's inside, right? I mean, do you wanna see me? I was kind of pissed.
Get off the phone with girl number three and go talk to girl number one.
Do I like you? Yes, absolutely.
I shouldn't be in a predicament with three girls now.
But I can't stop myself.
What the fuck did I just do? You're just doing you.
Hi, baby, what are you doing? Are you coming tonight? Yes, I can't wait to see you.
I'm going to be inducted at the Hollywood chamber to help promote L.
A.
Fashion Week.
I wonder if Raquel's here.
I don't know, I feel bad.
So once again, I kind of build up my expectations that we're gonna get to ha, but it's hard to have a relationship when she's working all the time.
- Tracy.
- Oh, my God.
I didn't really think about dating somebody with kids.
I know you didn't sign up for the kids, but you're S.
O.
L.
, sistah.
Nico.
Here, okay.
Stop, stop, stop.
With kids, it just keeps going.
It just doesn't stop.
It's really difficult.
I'm still trying to figure shit out.
When you've been drinking, you're a little harsh.
Show your tits, show your tits.
- You fucking lame-ass! - Rose is a big kid.
I think it's really cute most of the time, but sometimes she can go a little over the edge.
You're rude to your girlfriend.
You're fucking girlfriend that lives in your house.
Move out.
Do that.
Come on, Rocco, let's go.
So last night, Rose and I got in a really dumb fight.
Welcome to our world.
Every time we fight, it's like the end of the world, we're gonna break up.
And nothing could ever be, like, minor.
Everything's always so huge.
And I don't think we mean to do that.
I really just wanna put, you know, the fighting and the drama behind me.
Gotta just "F" it off.
So I mean, that's just the way I deal with it.
I'm not gonna feed into it and just let it go for a bit.
It's kind of one of those little things you just have to let go.
'Cause it's fucking stupid and ridiculous.
We're just letting it go.
Getting rid of the problem.
Natalie felt like I was treating her negatively.
But I wasn't even doing anything, I was just trying to have a good time.
Since Valentine's day is coming up, I really wanna just put, you know, the fighting and the drama behind me.
And you know, have a really great Valentine's day.
You're very cute.
This is our first Valentine's day cohabitating.
I'm excited.
You need to get rid of your plastics, by the way.
What do they call them? - A sigg.
- A sigg? - A who? - Sigg bottle.
That fire hydrant thing.
I feel very free, for the first time in a long time.
Because when I found the self-confidence to just be who I am, it's allowed me to strengthen all of the relationships that I think I weakened by not living honest.
Okay, I love you.
Good to see you.
- Love you.
- Love you guys.
- See you later.
- Derek is a wonderful guy.
And I'm really happy that our relationship ended up where it did.
And now I really wanna focus on building a future with Nik.
- Ready? - Shh.
Why does it sort of naturally happen? - That you drive? - Yes.
No matter what.
'Cause you're the dude.
Nik and I have been dying to get a little video camera.
Just to start documenting some of our, you know, life together.
And Derek is coming with me on my quest to find the perfect gift for Nik.
This place is massive.
I know.
I am interested in getting the flip camera.
- Okay.
- I was hoping you could tell me a little bit about them.
Okay.
This one here, you can play it through your tv.
I can plug this directly into the television? Look behind you.
- I'm gonna press play.
- Oh, my God.
- Then it's playing.
- Boom.
- Wow.
- Boom.
That's so cool from this.
Does the picture look different? I think the ultra's smarter.
Especially when you guys are traveling and stuff.
- Now, if it was me - Yes.
I'd probably go with the smaller one.
'Cause you're really coming down in size, I think.
- Yeah.
- Good choice.
Thank you.
See, that's why I brought you here.
Good choice.
Having known Jill, and just kind of going through life a little bit together, it certainly made me kind of emotional, thinking that, you know, they've found each other.
I gotta record something on it, and just stand it by the coffee maker.
For me, I always just sort of wanted her just to be happy.
And the last piece of this puzzle - Hmm? - Is hiding this somewhere.
So she finds it in the morning and doesn't It's fun, it's exciting, and you know, it's a first.
And it's the only Valentine's day that she will be my fiancée.
This is where she will never look.
Because this is where all the workout equipment is.
Hi! So I thought Raquel got the day off, but it turns out she has to work the entire weekend.
- You're kidding! - Which is lovely.
Ooh! I think Valentine's day is just a fucking bullshit overrated day that people at the greeting card companies made up just to zap more money out of us.
Well, I guess your romantic dinner will be a different time and place.
It's hard for me to understand that the world doesn't revolve around me and my schedule.
It'd be nice if she could actually, like, get some time off of work for me.
For me, it's frustrating, because when I'm not right in the middle of planning Fashion Week, I will take extra days off of work just to be with Raquel.
And it's hard, because she can't do the same thing for me.
She can't bail out on a day of work.
I can't afford not to work, so a lot of times I've had to work through those days off.
So it's been a little difficult.
And I'm really bummed out, because I just wanted to have some time to spend with Mikey.
I feel like I give a lot more in that in my time, and trying to make time for her, than I get in return.
- Ah! - Ah! See, every time you try to kill it, you lose.
Story of my life.
I am stopping by my mom's dance studio today.
- Mommy.
- Hi.
We're going to get lunch and discuss some wedding plans.
I'm really excited.
Oh, you never met Allen.
Allen, this is my daughter, Nik.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
Finally.
I've heard a lot about you.
Thank you.
My mom is an amazing woman.
She's my confidante and my best friend.
And my mom adores Jill.
Sometimes I think she likes her better than me.
You're gonna check in between my feet.
Check, replace.
And left, right, left, chassé.
Under the arm, and we'll do it again.
And two, three, four.
And one, and two, and three.
Take it out, and one.
I thought I had the dance gene like my mother.
But trust me, I do not have the dance gene at all.
So have you ever thought about dancing yourself? Uh - I've thought about it for her.
- Yeah.
But I'm not a dance person, I'm a two-left-feet person.
No, you're not.
Come here.
- Oh, but I am.
- Come here for two seconds.
- Come here, okay.
- The height is good.
- The height? - The height's working.
Right? Okay, take your right foot back.
- This right one.
- Right foot back.
Take your left to the side.
You're teaching me the box step? - Yes.
- Uh-huh.
Close your feet, left foot forward.
Right foot to the side.
Can I put a little hip into it? And close your feet.
Oh, see, I messed up already.
I'm doomed.
No, but that's okay, why don't you put a package together for you and your fiancée? You mean like for the first dance? Yeah, for your first dance.
Just give her the gift certificate on Valentine's day.
Do it.
Jill and I are getting married.
But we both cannot dance.
Jill's gonna be just as bad as I am.
Jill's gonna be worse than me.
- No, she's gonna be great.
- No, she won't, - she'll be great.
- I figured this would be something sweet and we could take the lessons together.
It should be fun.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Mwah.
Thank you.
But Allen, I want dance lessons from you.
- Yes.
- Like, you.
You caused this, you get the You get to have the punishment.
- I will, okay.
- Okay.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi, what are you doing? I just put on some lingerie, and I was thinking of you.
Oh, good.
Put on the heels too.
So what time you coming? I'll be there at 11:15.
- Bye, baby, I love you.
- Bye, I love you too.
Tomorrow, Tracy and I wanna celebrate Valentine's day with the kids.
So tonight we're gonna have a dinner, the two of us, for an early Valentine's day.
Look who's here, guys.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Tracy.
When I look at Tracy, she reminds me of myself.
Because when I got into my relationship with Julie, I was 31 years old.
When we started dating, she was already pregnant with Jagger.
So I kinda signed up for a lot from the second that relationship started.
- Were you up all morning? - Were you not? I've been up since 7:00.
Now it's mamaca time and Tracy time, I need you to just chill out for a sec, okay.
- I wanna - You did a lot today? - I wanna go - I cleaned the entire garage.
- I wanna go - I did three loads of laundry.
- What do you want? - I started watching a movie, I wanna go on the couch, momma.
Shh, do you wanna get down? - Yeah.
- Okay.
You wake up one day, and you might be off-balance or so, and I had a morning like that.
And then to kinda go see her, and then not have the time to download, 'cause suddenly the kids are around.
And that's, you know, your first priority.
Jagger, stop yelling.
You just gotta wait for the right moment, I guess.
And that's that's the struggle for me.
The house is a bit hectic, and with the three kids, it's enough to handle.
A dog's a whole other thing.
Babe, they're gonna piss on everything.
No, they have to be able to see out.
- Why? - Because they're dogs.
My dogs are the love of my life.
If anything happened to my dog, it would crush me.
Have you used that before? Yeah, but it was a little complicated, this one's not mine.
It's kind of hard when she puts them a little bit lower on the totem pole.
And it's like, well, they're not as important, you know? I think I should stay here with the dogs.
I love dogs, but when you have kids, having dogs is a little much.
There must be something in the air.
Everyone's feisty today.
I don't know, I woke up feisty this morning.
You okay, little man? Yeah? I know, it's an adjustment.
It's an adjustment, buddy.
You'll be fine.
It's an adjustment for me too.
I'm being pulled in 20 different directions at once.
So it's kind of like Just need a little not a break, but I don't know.
I gotta slow down.
And this is not slow.
You done being cranky, baby? You're off-balance.
I'm off-balance too.
I'm off-balance, I'm I know, I know.
You're a constant off-balance.
I'm just saying.
I want give me one day of off-balance.
Rose has had her share of girlfriends.
So I want to do something that no one else has ever done for her before.
Hi, how are you? Good to see you.
Hi, how are you? I'm meeting my friend, Blanca.
She's a photographer.
I wanna wear these And I just wanna cover my boobs.
- Okay.
- With my hands.
I am working on this Valentine's day photo shoot for Rose.
She has no idea what I'm doing.
I'm ready.
I'm a little nervous about these pictures.
Just chin up a little bit.
Um, okay.
- Show me your bedroom eyes.
- My sex eyes? Yeah, your sex eyes.
Lean this way a little bit.
I've never done anything like this before.
I've never really had an inspiration.
Now I do.
Rose.
We just need to get your form right, - so you don't slouch.
- Yeah, I don't wanna slouch.
Cover your stuff.
Should I put a cloud there? So nat and I have kind of had a little bit of a rough week.
But, you know, we care about each other, we love each other.
And I'm trying hard to soften the tension, and make Natalie feel better.
I had put in an online reservation, I just wanted to confirm if you guys did receive it.
Valentine's day is coming up, and it's our first Valentine's day.
What I did wanna do was have some sort of private setting, in a gazebo, or that's perfect.
My agenda is to make it not only memorable, but super romantic.
Okay, thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
Half mission accomplished.
Valentine's day is coming up, and I don't know who is gonna be my Valentine.
I'm guessing the best answer is no one.
I'm not gonna say I have a way with the ladies, but I'm just saying, like, I get myself into enough predicaments that maybe I should just focus on work.
We're in the middle of preparing for a job doing a horror movie.
We have a lot of work to do for the movie, Voodoo Cowboy, it's a long process, but it's really interesting.
It's really cool.
Hello, darling.
I'm in the middle of working on that face skin mask.
Fantastic.
I'm glad you guys are working on it, I hope you're having fun with it.
Of course, so much fun.
I met Ian about two years ago on the job while doing special effects.
He's a great guy.
I've heard a rumor he's got a little crush on me, but I'm not sure if that's true.
I'm pretty sure it's true.
The lead female character, Reese She's really just become this bad-ass, zombie-killing, hard-nosed chick.
And your look, your style we'd like to offer you the lead female role.
No! That sounds dope.
But I mean, my acting experience, it's limited.
Up until this point, I really haven't been an actress.
But the character is a bad-ass chick.
So I'm actually excited to get to fall into that role.
You just need to look like you know how to handle a gun.
I'm down.
At this point in my life, I basically am open for any experience I could possibly have in front of me.
You know, I like to try everything once.
And if it doesn't suck too bad the first time, I'll try it again.
And if it sucks really bad, I might try it three times, so.
There she is.
Hello.
- Hello.
- I'm ready.
- So I talked to Ian.
- And? And he wants me to be in the movie.
Yay.
I wonder who's playing Shaner - Your love interest.
- No.
- Yeah.
- So a heterosexual love? Yes.
Am I gonna have to be "intimate" with a man? I don't know.
I've dated guys when I was younger through high school.
But I never intended on hooking up with another dude again.
It's clearly gonna be sexy.
And with Ian, it could go either way.
It could be the blood and gore that's sexy, or it could be you that's sexy.
I gotta get sexy in the next two months.
'Cause I'm not gonna be bending down and having, like, fupa.
Fupa stands for " fat upper pussy area.
" I don't wanna have a fupa in the movie.
I have to be ripped.
Should I have bigger boobs for this role? Yeah, let's go get bigger boobs.
Wipe your hands.
Wanna go put your pajamas on? No, she's gonna take a bath.
Okay.
Come on.
Jagger, no.
What do you wanna play with? You wanna take a bath? No.
This Valentine's day is very different than any one I've ever had before.
Because I don't know what it is to have three children under the age of five.
You got something.
- What's that? - You need a new diaper.
Anything else? Nothing? Clean? Good job.
Our plan is to celebrate Valentine's day tonight instead of tomorrow night.
So we're trying to get the kids to bed so we can make our And it's kind of alone time to kind of check in with each other.
No, now we're gonna go calm down.
Let's calm down.
Let's burn, like, some nag champa or something, put him to sleep.
Do they look like they're ready for bed? - No.
- What the hell today? They're ready to party.
Come on, let's go in our beds.
I'll go get the happy, come on.
Come on, Jagger.
Let's go to bed.
Oh, there's Prince Eric.
Go inside.
Hey, did they sleep last night? Babe, it's the binkies.
They don't have their binkies.
- It's binkie crack.
- Yeah, it is binkie crack.
I am feeling exhausted.
It's the first night I've had them without their binkies, and I think they're withdrawing from crack.
- Ok.
- Good luck.
Sorry.
You're gonna lay down.
Come on.
No, no! I know you're tired.
You're tired, I know.
I know you're tired.
I know, I know.
No, Nico, you have to listen to mamaca.
You have to listen to me.
No, you have to you have to listen to me, okay? Are you guys in your beds? Everybody has to be in their bed.
I know you're exhausted, Nico.
Isn't this romantic? Check it out.
It's hard, because with her and the kids, you give, give, give all day.
And you know, work to a point where you want something back.
And for me, it's that alone time with Stamie.
Yeah.
Everyone's almost sleeping.
Here.
Okay.
Good night.
Love you.
Done? - Yeah? - Wow, maritza, it's 8:30? You know, I wanted more time with my girlfriend.
And when I realized that that time was not there, it's a little bit of a letdown actually.
Oh, there's Jagger.
Jagger.
Is that you? Are those your fingers in the door? No.
Both: Happy first Valentine's day.
- You too.
- Thank you.
Mm.
Is this how you imagined the last few months of your 29th birthday to go? No, not at all.
Did you wanna go out tonight? No, I wanna be trapped in the house forever.
Hi.
It's Valentine's day.
Mm.
This time last year remember? You were going home tomorrow.
Ugh, I don't wanna think about it.
Now you don't have to go home.
I appreciate Jill so much.
Because we dated long-distance for a while about seven months from San Francisco to Los Angeles.
We still wake up everyday, and we're so grateful that neither one of us has to jump on a plane to go back home.
I know that we promised each other that we weren't gonna do anything this year, but I lied.
You're a sneak.
There's a card in there first.
- You're a sneak.
- Read the card.
"It's hard to believe that this time last year we only dreamed of happily ever after together.
We've come such a long way.
And I appreciate every single moment with you, never taking anything for granted.
And I can't wait to walk down the aisle with you.
Happy Valentine's day, my baby.
I love you so very much.
" It's fun to be all warm and fuzzy.
The two of us, I mean you have two women in a relationship, how could it not ooze, you know, romance and fuzzy? No! No way, you're good! You're so good.
"Dance with confidence, ease, and flair, on your big day.
We make the first dance The most romantic of your life.
" - Baby, seven private lessons.
- Baby, I love you.
I think it is such a creative and useful gift.
I'm totally panicking, because I have absolutely no idea how to do any of these dances that I think we're gonna have to do.
- Coffee? - Yes.
- Really? - Yes, really.
Did you make it last night? - I put the machine on.
- Oh.
What? Baby! Shut up! Baby! - Baby.
- You know Oh, I love you.
- Forget the coffee.
- Forget the coffee? Yeah, come in.
Faker.
"To the love and light of my life, everything is brighter with you by my side, and I cannot wait for every single tomorrow together forever.
Be mine.
I'm forever yours.
I love you.
" Oh, my God! You got us a flip! This is so awesome.
We have to make our first movie right now.
Oh.
Or our second movie.
I'm standing in front of the very special restaurant that you took me to last Valentine's day, to wish you a very beautiful and happy second Valentine's day.
It's the best gift ever.
And we can film our dancing! So this girl is coming here in 20 minutes.
Whitney's training for a horror movie.
I think she's gonna be a zombie killer.
I have five minutes to smoke and then not smell like smoke.
'Cause I feel, like, ashamed to smoke in front of somebody very healthy.
Whitney has this vibe about her.
She's spiritual, and she's great, and she cares about you.
And that's what attracted me to her.
But I haven't really hooked up with her.
Like, I don't know if something's ever gonna happen again between us.
- Just cardio, aw.
- Just be you.
- Is that good enough? - Yeah.
Aw, thanks.
Look at that, that was like an after school special that just happened.
I found a trainer to get me in shape for voodoo cowboy.
Initially, I watched a little video of her.
She looked like a badass chick.
She's in super good shape.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- I'm Whitney.
- I'm Miranda.
- Nice to meet you.
Turns out that Miranda is shockingly attractive.
Welcome to my home.
P.
S.
We all knew that we loved you, because we we Youtubed your name.
- You saw my video? - This is Alyssa.
She saunters in and is hot.
Miranda is hot.
And I take one look at Whitney, and her eyes are going And I was like, oh, God, here we go.
Her and I do special effects makeup.
We got hired on this job.
And a friend of ours is working on it, and he called me up and was, like, "you know, actually there's this character, you'd be perfect for it.
Like, I see you as her.
" Apparently, I scream shaman warrior zombie-killer.
Oh, that's what I was thinking.
Yeah.
I have two months.
- You have two months, okay.
- I have two months.
I have to get in really good shape.
And I would like to, like, rip up my abs.
- Okay.
- Type thing.
Okay, well with the abs thing, that's obviously gonna be a trimming down thing.
So we're gonna have to look at your diet, your partying, whatever.
Are you smoking, drinking, anything? - Uh - All of the above.
Yeah.
I do smoke a little bit.
- Wine? - Yep.
- Booze.
- Yes.
- I mean, it's just still - it's extra calories.
- Right.
I'm down to start, like, tomorrow.
- Let's do it.
- You wanna do it? Let's do it.
I'm committing to the no carbs, no beer thing.
She pretty much hammered it down on me.
She really didn't mention about sex, but I would think it's good cardio, so I think I should probably get Maybe I should look into that more.
I gotta get this little tookus in shape.
- We'll get that in shape.
- All right, good.
You won't be able to sit on the toilet.
Good, that's what I like.
I stand when I pee anyway.
All right, it was great meeting you.
It was great meeting you.
So I'll see you tomorrow.
I'll call you in a little bit and we'll figure out you know, once I figure out my schedule.
Okay.
I'm curious is Miranda gay? I don't know.
This one's tricky.
- I don't know.
- Well, did you get - the vibe off of her or no? - I don't know.
I think everybody's gay.
The whole world has gone gay.
Usually I have a good gaydar, I mean, there's, like, a light bleep on the map.
But I'm not really sure.
But that's never stopped Whitney before.
Whitney's the Fonz.
She's hot.
Yep.
I'm not gonna lie.
Coming out here, I thought it was gonna be a little bit different than this.
I think it's so awkward.
Like, living with Whitney, and not really knowing what's going on, and I have to deal with her talking about other girls and stuff.
We should've found you a hideous trainer.
I wouldn't be as motivated.
She's got a good sense of humor, too.
I think it'll help my motivation.
Her sense of humor, or that she's hot? Yes.
Do I feel like I would want to hook up with her? I mean, is a frog's ass watertight? This is not gonna be good.
It's not gonna be good.
Let's make a bet now.
She's totally straight and Whitney horrifies her.
Or she's totally straight, Whitney converts her.
Or option C.
She's got a girlfriend, Whitney breaks them up.
I definitely think there's gonna be some boning going on.
Whitney has to know that she's a player.
She's gotta know.
But I think she loves it.
She loves the attention.
She's lucky she doesn't have a dick, 'cause she'd have a lot of kids.
Well, we both know.
That? That's a video that mamaca took.
- That was fun.
- We need to go back there.
- Uh-huh.
- That was romantic.
Oh, no! Look who's here.
Maritza, are you ready to take them to the park? Tracy and I are gonna run out.
Let's go.
Come on, chop chop.
We're on a schedule.
I don't put a lot of emphasis on Valentine's day, but I am used to having, I guess, alone time with whoever I'm dating on Valentine's day, - which means a lot.
- I love you! - I love you too! - Bye-bye.
- Kat - Mikey Is this mine? So much for my diet.
Fried chicken.
I have a surprise for you today.
Since Raquel and I can't be together today, I definitely wanna set up another special day with the other woman in my life that I'm very close to my Aunt Kat.
I don't have time.
I have not written the checks yet.
I can take everything home and do it from home.
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Over, like, a six year period, she ended up having a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy.
Anything that made her feel like a woman has basically been removed from her body.
We have a meeting at planet salon that I need you to come to.
Why are you looking at me You guys are lying.
Because you know my history.
Once you've been bald, you get really touchy about people cutting your hair.
And today is all about new beginnings.
My mom, she had me when she was young.
And I don't think she really wanted to have children, so that was really tough.
But my Aunt Kat, she helped raise me when I was younger.
And she's been through so much.
And the bottom line is is she needs to feel good about herself again and see what everybody else sees about her.
Having a great afternoon for you.
You deserve it.
Will you be my girl? If you ever give me carnations Will you be my Valentine? What do you want for Valentine's day? I have everything I want for Valentine's day, baby.
So when you cleaned your garage - did you find anything? - Yeah.
- Like what? - I cried yesterday.
- You cried? - Yeah.
I found a box of my grandmother's stuff.
I know, your grandma was your best friend, right? - My best friend in the world.
- That's hard to get over.
Stamie is very family-oriented.
And I sort of am all about family.
I swear, like, it's family and animals.
- You guys are similar.
- Aw.
She probably would've liked you.
I know it's probably hard, 'cause your parents aren't together anymore now.
How old were you when they got divorced? Mm 25, I think.
So it's kind of it's sort of recent, you know? Man, that's hard.
I think everyone has their process of how they deal with stuff, and what I can do is love Tracy, and treat her, you know, like our family, and if she needs a hug or, you know, a little Somewhere to rest her head, I'll be here for her.
You know, at the park there was a guy holding his kid.
And it was so cute to see guys with their children, like, on their shoulders.
And sometimes I You know, my kids are never gonna have that, and sometimes I feel Not a lot, but sometimes I feel for them.
Like, they're not gonna have a dad, but they don't know any different.
You're gonna be fine.
I do think that a kid should have a male figure in his life.
And raising boys especially, a dude that can relate and has the same anatomy as Nico and Jagger.
But I think that as long as they have love, they're gonna be fine.
Do you wanna go for a walk? Or we don't have time? I wanna hang out with the kids now, I don't wanna go for a walk.
You know when I get torn the past four however long, like four months? It's, like, with kids and work, it's been great.
But it's a lot.
Even though I'm with you, it's you know, it's all the kids, you have to plan around that.
Mm-hmm.
This conversation would go a lot better if you took your shirt off.
- Seriously.
- Yes, baby.
Will you be my Valentine? If you take your top off.
Babe! I think that we were so exhausted from the weekend in general, that we finally got to download and kind of check in with each other.
So this lunch was really important for us.
Hey, how's it going? - How are you? - Awesome.
We are here for my aunt's afternoon of beauty.
Excellent.
Roy here will show you, - actually, where to change.
- Boy, I need it.
Would you like something to drink today? - Hey, Elle.
- Expecting you.
All right, fantastic.
- This is Romi.
- Hi.
She's gonna be doing your makeup.
And I'm assuming you're Kat? Yeah.
What's your name? - Romi.
- Romi, hi.
- And what was your name? - Elle.
Elle, it's a pleasure to meet both of you.
What are you gonna do to it? Listen, I want you to feel comfortable to communicate to her what you're comfortable with.
I can do something really light and natural, and then if you feel like you wanna just kind of bump up the eyes a little, see, the only thing I know how to do is my lips.
It's gonna look beautiful.
Hey.
What's up? I'm sorry, everybody.
I'm just learning I'm not gonna be the person - that I used to be before.
- My Aunt Kat, she was kind of an instrumental part of my life.
I had a really good life with her growing up.
And things were tough.
I mean, we definitely grew up poor and in a really in a really horrible area.
But we made the best of it, and now we're here today.
Come here, group hug.
Group hug.
Group hug, group hug! We're gonna have fun today and be beautiful.
So was Mikey, like, a big pain in the ass when she was a kid? Was she as big of a pain in the ass as a kid as she is now? Um, let me see, when she was a kid - No.
- Did you just - call me a pain in the ass? - No, actually.
Oh, I remember cutting your hair.
- Oh, my God.
- I remember you giving me a bald spot in my head.
You put a bowl on my head, and you cut my hair.
I remember cutting your hair and Awesome.
- My first lesbian cut.
- It was not.
I didn't even know I was gay yet.
It was not.
It was a Dorothy Hamill cut.
Dorothy Hamill.
That's what we're giving you today.
Yes, please! Give it back.
Where's the bowl? - Hi, baby.
- Wow.
- I got you flowers.
- You sure did.
Do you like them? I love them, are you kidding? When we were speaking about, you know, Valentine's day, I sort of hinted and dropped hints that I have no time, you know, between work meetings and everything else going on.
- Hi, papa.
- These are so pretty.
I don't know how I'm gonna do this.
Natalie's definitely gonna be surprised.
She has no idea that I'm gonna be doing something special.
Do you have any idea what's going on? No, I have no idea what's going on.
- You're clueless? - Yes.
- Like, how clueless? - Like, I'm fucking clueless.
Okay.
Here, I got you some flowers.
- Ooh.
- Some red roses.
- Thank you, baby.
- Almost as pretty as yours.
We have lots of red roses now.
Give me a kiss.
Okay.
- We have to go somewhere.
- Okay.
I'm, like, what the fuck is going on? I was amazed that Rose put effort into Valentine's day.
We weren't really gonna do much, and I was really excited to go out to dinner.
Excited.
I have no idea where we're going.
Wanna know what I wrote? Baby, I don't want you to be on Twitter, - I need you to get off that.
- I wrote Seriously, I need you to do me a favor.
"Being in love is the best gift ever.
" I need you to really pay attention to me right now.
Don't go on Twitter, don't fuck with your phone, I'm only gonna say that once to you.
You don't have to say it again.
All right.
This Valentine's day, it's all about the kids.
And we want them to experience sort of what Valentine's day is supposed to be.
It's just all about love.
We're just gonna throw a big party for the kids.
No, I can't take my bra off, not when you're in here.
Jagger has a slight obsession with boobies.
And I think it's the cutest thing in the world.
How about when I come out? - I want to see you - How about when I come out we'll go play with shapes? Kids, they've definitely thrown me some curveballs in a way that are really hard to deal with.
But sometimes, they are little lovebugs.
I never know what I'm gonna get any day, something new always comes up.
- Remember this? - Mm-hmm.
So we have to sign our names for mamaca.
This is her Valentine's day card.
Spin it around and down.
Good job! - Mamaca! - What did you get me? Jagger, may I have my card that you got me? - That was Jagger's card.
- Oh, it's your card? This is mamaca's card.
This is good Valentine's day, stealing it from him.
Aw! Jagger, thank you for my card.
It's beautiful.
Hey, Trace, is this how you guys celebrate Valentine's day? It is, this is our first Valentine's day.
This has set the bar.
I'll probably take her on the Ferris wheel tomorrow.
There you go.
Maybe buy her some cotton candy.
When you get in a relationship with somebody with kids, we put our time kind of on the side and the kids first.
But I think it's fine, and I'm not scared of it at all.
Is it Valentine's day? It's the end of Valentine's day.
What do you say to mamaca? You say Happy Valentine's day.
Happy Valentine's day.
Do you flatiron it, or blow dry it, or anything? I have flatironed it.
But some days you're just like, okay, fine.
Tell me about the girl you're dating.
I'm not dating anybody.
There's it's it's just a mess.
- Kind of.
- A hot mess? A hot mess.
A hot mess.
Okay, most importantly, is she cuter than me? You're not doing this.
What? She's cute.
She's really cute.
I'm really, really attracted to her.
- Really attracted to her.
- Cool.
- What's this girl's name? - Whitney.
- Whitney.
- Mm-hmm.
And what does Whitney do? She is a makeup artist, and Does she work in a salon, or is she independent? Yeah, she does special effects.
Okay, fantastic.
So like, blood and guts basically hanging out? - Yeah.
- She's that girl? Zombie, all that kind of stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Do you guys do makeup together? Do you, like, go home at night and, like We're not together.
No.
Okay, fine.
Whatever.
The person that you're really attracted to The person I really, really like.
So I don't know if you need to take that off, or ? - Permanent lip color? - Yeah.
I'm just gonna do a tinted moisturizer on you.
Actually, sometimes I just get up and wash my face with water.
Obviously, spending Valentine's day without my partner really sucks.
But I'm really excited about my aunt's makeover.
I'm like, I can't wait to see what she looks like.
Oh, my God! Look at my aunt! - Beautiful.
- Kat, you gotta give us the little runway strut right here.
Come on! Look at you! Oh, my God! Mikey rocks.
I just love her.
She's done so much for me, and you know oh, my God, look what she's done for me.
I feel really good.
I feel really, really I feel beautiful.
I didn't feel that way when I walked in.
And I feel that now.
Look at you! Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.
Looking good.
- I love you.
- You look gorgeous.
- You look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
So beautiful.
Amazing.
- I love you.
- All right.
- Go grab your stuff.
- Okay.
Grab a cocktail.
Do you feel like it? Yeah.
I don't wanna go home to an empty house tonight, so I'm gonna take off with the girls from planet salon and head over to the abbey for a cocktail.
Open that.
Baby, open the You need to follow directions tonight.
When it comes to Natalie and I, and things that I do for her, she tends to remind me that it's all a swipe of a card or dropping down some cash.
With our little Valentine's day excursion, I'm incorporating a little bit of imagination into it.
- Can you see anything? - I can't see anything.
Okay, I just want you to relax, lay back.
Just chill out for a little bit.
- Are you comfortable? - Yes.
All right.
Wait, hold on.
I'm definitely getting impatient.
Because I've had the blindfold on, and because I've been waiting for as long as I've been waiting.
And I'm definitely getting dizzy.
And I'm ready for the blindfold to come off.
Hold on, dude.
Ooh, this is pretty, baby.
- Happy Valentine's day.
- Happy Valentine's day to you.
This is so nice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
So box number one was ? The blindfold.
- And getting here.
- Yes.
And then number two's behind you.
Box number two is her personal massage that I've arranged in our room.
That is so awesome.
That's so freaking awesome.
Thank you.
Why are you so upset? Are you upset, or are they tears of joy? I'm just surprised.
When I opened the box I just started crying because I thought about how much of an effort Rose really put into Valentine's day.
There's a lot of passion in our relationship, something I've never experienced before.
It's good passion, sometimes bad passion.
But in the end, it ends up being really good.
Enjoy yourself, baby.
While she's getting her massage, I fixed the closet and ironed all our dresses.
Make sure that everything's, like, perfect.
I think you're all done, huh? Yeah.
Can you come here and sit down with me? Okay, are you ready for box number three? - Can I open it? - Open it's just chocolate.
You mean, my favorite.
Chocolates.
Open it and read it.
"Now that you've relaxed, it's time to be wined and dined.
" Ooh, we got the pretty dresses.
Will you shower with me? We'll never get out.
It's not gonna happen, you know that.
You think we'll be 30 minutes of fully getting ready - if I shower with you? - Yeah.
You're such a fucking liar.
Hurry up.
Oh, I have something for you in the bedroom.
I got you an ice cream cone That's very nice of you, babe.
- With something inside.
- My ice cream cone.
- No, shh, sit down.
- What's inside it? Do you know what it is? Shut up.
- You're kidding, right? - What is that? What is this, Nico? Is that a key to your house? - Yeah.
- It is? I think you've passed the test.
- Stop.
You are? - You get a key to the house.
You're such a dork.
Tracy's awesome.
And I'm happy to have my key on her key chain, if you know what I mean.
Nico, look, your mama gave me a key.
Is she crazy? - I love you.
- How sweet.
Nico was in the room when I was giving Tracy the key, because it's like we're gonna have fun But there's gonna be a lot of serious stuff you have to deal with.
So it was kind of, you know, feeling her out.
And I think she reacted well to the fact that I gave her a key.
Whoa, whoa.
Climb, please, climb.
Maxie, we can come and go when we please.
This means I don't have to wait outside in the rain anymore.
Climb, climb.
That was only once.
I think Stamie giving me a key tells me that she trusts me.
It's reassurance, I guess, that we are quite strong and we are going in the right direction.
The logical next step for us would probably be moving in together.
But I'm ready to get a key to her house, but I'm not ready to move in.
I've never moved in with somebody I was dating.
And I think that you have to really know somebody before you do that.
And I think that we're still in the getting-to-know-you process.
- He's always at it.
- Thank you for my key.
- Oh, you're so welcome.
- That's sweet.
Should I give you one of mine now? No, I know where you keep your extra.
- Hello? - Hello.
- Hello.
- Hey, babe.
Hey.
I'm relaxing and shit, seriously just feeling so tired.
But then I get a call from Romi, and she wants me to come meet her at the abbey.
I think you should come.
I know, but I feel like I feel like I'm running myself down.
Oh, I'm so mad, I'm so mad.
- Shut up.
- Are you coming? Yeah, I think so.
I was gonna stay in, have a low-key night.
But fuck it, it's Valentine's day, right? I enjoy spending time with Romi.
And honestly, I think the reason why I get myself into situations in general is because I like to make girls feel good.
Rose makes, like, the kind of things you see on movies come to life like romantic comedies and fairy tales.
The lighting, the sound of the water - It's pretty.
- Beautiful.
You're amazing, Rose.
The way I treat a girl, like, my motto has always been, um, if someone's gonna take the time to come out with me, like, they're gonna have the best time ever.
It's gonna be the best date they ever had.
Ever day I wake up in the morning, what do I do? What do I tell you I want to see? My boobs? You're so funny.
"Let me see your tits.
" Why did you get a breast reduction? Why? You joking me right now? Rose likes to fucking joke, pick on me.
But I pick on her boobs too.
She has really nice boobs.
Just so you guys all know.
I'm just upset that you got a reduction.
I'm fucking confused over that.
We had wine and I was a little bit more loosened up.
I decided that it's time to give her her gift.
- Happy Valentine's day.
- Wait, I - Just open it.
- Wow.
Baby, you look amazing.
Wow.
This is my favorite.
It's like a dream come true.
Like, I'm about to cry right now? Can I just tell you something right now? What? This is the moment after seeing this photo that I've accepted your breast reduction.
I swear to God.
No bullshit.
Stupid.
You'll never hear me talk about it again.
Could you just be romantic right now? I am.
Probably one of the best gifts I think I've ever gotten.
I know Natalie.
She's real shy.
Even though she's a very pretty, sexy girl, to put herself out there like that, you know, for me in that way, um, you know, means a lot.
Give me a kiss.
I'm glad you got a breast reduction.
You look beautiful.
This is amazing.
This is beyond amazing, baby.
Like, I'd fall in love with myself if I were you.
I'm already in love with you.
Love has never been an issue for me.
My problem is is I have a lot of love.
I spread it around.
- It wasn't love then.
- Really? - Is that what you think? - Mm-hmm.
There's love and there's real love.
But then there's, like There's a connection The love of your life kind of shit.
Yeah.
- So don't fuck it up.
- I would never Rose is very guarded.
But I know her down to, like, her core.
And I don't think Rose is afraid to be in love because she is in love.
But I think she's just afraid of being hurt by me.
Which will never happen.
She takes care of me and I take care of her.
This is perfect.
Thank you.
Did you, uh, call your friend to join us tonight? Yeah.
Whitney is coming.
- Whitney? - She's coming.
- I love it.
- And you're gonna meet her.
I have a feeling Whitney and I are gonna be like this.
You're gonna be oh, you know what, that's really funny you say that 'cause you probably will be.
That would be awesome 'cause I would, like, feel like we had great sex - What it is? - There it is.
We've been talking about your dreads and how hot they are.
Wow.
I heard what an amazing makeup artist you are.
Special effects.
I can make you look dead.
I can't make you look beautiful.
I feel like I look dead right now.
But if you can make me look alive, that would be amazing.
- There you go.
Perfect.
- Best friends forever! Romi's pissed because instantly Mikey and I hit it off and kind of forget Romi's sitting there.
Do you guys actually mind switching seats so me and Whitney can sit a little bit closer together? We're gonna we're gonna switch, Romi.
- No, do you mind? - No.
No.
Absolutely.
No.
This is where she's comfortable.
Can you take your purse with you because I'm gonna go, guys.
You guys have fun.
No, Romi Romi, you have to go get our drinks.
- Yeah.
- Oh, what do you want to drink? Get my girl, Whitney, a cocktail here.
Yeah, your girl.
Yeah, she's my girl at this point so you're pretty much out of the picture.
Mikey is so high energy.
She's great.
She just is, like, one big ball of happy and a little bit of champagne on the side.
'Cause I think that was flowing pretty pretty loosely.
- Oh! - Oh! Oh, wait, wait, I did that.
Watch out, Whit.
Watch out.
- We're running with it.
- We're running wild.
I love Whitney.
Whitney's so cool.
Um, she's, like, a white chick with dreads.
Totally butch.
So tell me exactly what it is you do.
I pretty much would be a bottom for you at this point.
- You would.
- I I mean, you know.
I mean, you know, I'm on top.
- And you never met before.
- How did we never meet before? This is our meeting.
"Top" in lesbian culture basically just means you like to take the reins on things.
You know, like, you're more of the giver as opposed to the recipient.
But, you know, obviously the tables turn and the hottest sex is mutual pleasure.
Hey, it was love at first sight.
- Was it? - Cheers.
When I saw your dreads Maybe we should drink like this.
Oh, right? Every time I meet Whitney out, she decides to become best friends with everybody.
And I hate I hate my life.
See, you have great boobs.
You have great boobs.
Yes, you do.
- All right, we're doing this.
- Whoa! Normally, I would just rip this off.
I I'm pants.
I like the girls I'm with to be pumps.
So I was, like, "Mikey, you're a little too pants right now.
We're gonna have to do a little femme makeover.
" Give me the vest.
Give me the vest.
I'm blocking here.
I'm blocking.
I think I'm turned on by this.
I don't know.
- Ha ha.
- I can't even believe this.
This is unlike Mikey at all.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Wait.
I'm gonna do some of this.
Apparently, I've had too many cocktails at this point because that's probably something that would've never happened if I was sober.
Can you tuck my cock can you tuck my cock in? Let me tuck your cock in-between your legs.
Mikey looks hot.
I mean, Mikey looked hot before.
Don't get me wrong.
But a little lip gloss, Mikey's fucking smoking.
You make me so jealous right now.
- Romi.
- Uh-uh.
Fucking kill her.
Listen, you introduced us.
You introduced us.
Yeah.
You two are the most beautiful girls I've I've ever met alongside my girlfriend.
And I just think that - Oh, why, thank you.
- Mikey, you're amazing.
Mikey's amazing.
I'm happy to see you both together.
So I appreciate that.
I love Mikey.
I can't I can't I can't help the fact that I love Mikey.
I love me and her too.
Raquel is very busy in her life, in her schedule, and everything, and, uh, it doesn't kind of incorporate me.
Think it's probably time for me to go home.
- Oh.
Hey! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! It's just kind of tough right now 'cause we're not, like, really meshing.
- All right, I'm gonna go home.
- All right.
I borrowed your rose petals.
I'm sorry.
That's really pretty.
I feel very lucky to have someone do something so above and beyond for me.
Can I have you sit here? Actually, I'm proposing you stand.
I think that you sit here.
- Hold that.
- Yes.
And and we do this.
What? We do what? We do what? Valentine's day, um, is definitely the highlight of our relationship so far.
I mean, it was an amazing night.
Um, and it it ended even more amazing.
Oh, my Like, come on.
Ah.
I don't have a Valentine.
Nor do I know if I want a Valentine.
But I just don't want to be alone tonight.
And Romi is a good-looking girl.
I know exactly what to do to you.
I'm calling your bluff.
It's just interesting to see how far Romi's come.
A week ago she ran from me.
She was freaking out about Sara.
And now I'm in bed with her.
And she's taking her shirt off and not giving a fuck really.
Freezing in here.
Lower.