The Resort (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[ringing]
[The Millennium's "5 a.m."]
♪
[vocalizing]
♪
Five o'clock ♪
In the morning ♪
Life doesn't seem to be the same ♪
It's beautiful ♪
Beautiful ♪
So remember ♪
Remember ♪
♪
The dew drops ♪
Are dampening ♪
Sidewalks that we stroll along ♪
- Thank you.
- [winces]
- You good?
- Yeah, I'm good.
All right, once we hop this fence,
we are officially fucking
with that yellow snake.
Let's go.
So remember ♪
Remember ♪
[bird calling]
Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
- All right.
[soft orchestral music]
This place hasn't been touched
since the hurricane.
15 years.
Whoa, hey. Ooh, watch out.
- No, never mind.
- What?
Oh, I thought you stepped in something,
but I think you're good.
Wow.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, there's a map.
Right there.
Oh, great.
Okay.
♪
That's definitely guano.
- [as Ace Ventura]
- "Guano, that sounds familiar."
"Guano is a chief resource
of the Wachati."
[Both as Ace Ventura] "Yummy."
Shikaka
Oh.
[macaw squawks]
[bat fluttering]
Okay, so remind me
what we're doing here again.
We just need
to find this Baltasar dude's
yellow room and match it
to the last photo
of Sam and Violet,
and then we've cracked it.
All right.
- Okay.
- Yellow room.
Somewhere here.
- We go this way.
- Right.
Um, so it's this way.
♪
Ah, God. If this was a horror movie,
my aunties would be like,
"Don't you go down that hallway!"
[laughs]
This is real dumb though.
Uh, this is not a yellow room.
This is Sam's room.
Oh.
You wanna take the tour?
[laughs] Yeah, actually I do.
- Oh. Okay.
- [laughs]
Yeah.
[humming]
[both imitating lightsaber sounds]
- [distant thump]
- [yelps]
[eerie music]
♪
Oh.
Violet's room is so much nicer
than Sam's.
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
Ooh. All right, that's a whole lot
of black mold,
so we should get out of here.
Well, it's not gonna kill us.
No, actually black mold does kill.
Uh, rashes and fun stuff.
Oh, shit.
Golf clubs.
Oh, fuck me.
Oh, you said it was like,
jet skiing was too dangerous but
you know, nothing's more dangerous
than following
your crazy white wife around.
[laughs]
And having Caucasian adventure time.
[gasps]
- Yellow door.
- Yep.
Yellow door. Yellow snake.
I know. Okay.
[tense music]
♪
Huh.
Oh. What the?
There's, like,
all these buttons on the
Oh, these archways.
Is that a clue?
Like, these, like, butt no?
- Huh?
- Nothing. Never mind.
Okay, not digging that.
Some weird-ass nun.
Not digging this one.
Terrarium. Oh.
What?
[creaking]
Oh, shit. Okay, hey watch out!
Watch out, watch out!
Sorry.
The bed looks fine.
Wanna fool around?
♪
Okay, so how's it look?
- Do we have him?
- This is not it.
- What do you mean?
- No, this is not it.
This is they weren't here.
The photo wasn't taken here.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah.
These are square and
where the hell were they?
Okay, well, maybe they just
ran off together.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe they're two horny teens
who hooked up on vacation,
and they fell in love, and they ran off,
and they don't wanna be found.
Yeah, maybe, yeah.
I mean, look, people do all sorts
of dumb shit for love.
I mean, look at me.
What was that supposed to mean?
Well, I mean, I'd hardly
call it a smart thing
to run around in an abandoned resort,
but here I am, you know, 'cause love.
[seagulls squawking]
♪
You know, I never really
understood why people like golf
so much, but now I get it.
Sometimes it's just kinda fun
to hit shit.
Fuck.
[soft orchestral music]
Hey, um,
look, why don't we just look up
Sam and Violet's parents
and tell them about the phone,
let them handle it?
Come here.
- What?
- Oh, shit. I got it.
- [groans] Okay, yep.
- I think I got it.
I I I I got this. Right?
Look at that.
Uh
Those windows have arches.
Yeah.
And these windows have arches
and none of the other ones
are like that.
- What? Wait, wait. Do they?
- Yeah.
Okay.
So we just gotta go up there.
- Do we?
- Okay.
You could hang back,
take a whack at your balls.
♪
All right, all right. Hang on.
♪
[serene music]
♪
What are you doing?
Sam!
Sam!
Hey!
♪
- Get over here.
- Sorry, Dad.
What were you saying?
Jet Skis or banana boat?
- Oh! What the fuck?
- Aah!
Ooh, what happened?
- What?
- Did someone throw it?
I don't know. What the
Maybe it, like, came from a tree.
- You all right?
- A tree?
That hurts.
Are you okay? [laughs]
My whole life.
Whoa. Ah! [laughs]
All right, back to business.
- It's hard.
- Jet Skis or bananas?
It's too expensive to do both.
I vote Jet Ski. Jan?
Janny girl on the back of a Jet Ski,
what an image, huh?
Well, I vote banana boat,
but I know my vote doesn't really count.
Sam, I know you're a Jet Ski guy.
No, you know, the banana boat looks fun.
You wanna ride on a banana?
I'd try that banana.
- [laughs]
- It just looks like a big dick.
Well, you know,
maybe I like riding dicks, Dad.
Aw, you okay, Sammy boy?
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Ma.
Just the neck's just kinda tight.
Hanna banan [sighs]
Hanna, what do you say?
Don't feel pressured to agree
with Jan or Sam.
Then don't pressure her, Carl.
- I'll even get two.
- Oh.
Janny and I on one.
You guys can cozy up on another?
I mean, a Jet Ski does
actually sound pretty fun.
Uh, I'm gonna stick with Mom
on this one.
You guys could Jet Ski together.
Okay, fucking banana boat.
Aw.
[laughs]
Hey, so what the fuck?
What do you mean?
Like, what's going on with you?
Did I do something? Did I say
something that upset you?
No. What are you talking about?
Well, I'm just saying, like,
was it about your drawing?
Is it because I didn't like
your drawings?
The no. No, no, no.
- I don't
- Hey, Sam,
why are you being such a dick then?
I'm sorry. I don't
[motor roars]
Kind of thought you liked dicks.
Whoa! Here we go!
Directions to the Christmas
dance party tonight.
Not for tourist.
- Oh, Oliver, you are a dream.
- See you there.
[guests chatting]
[easygoing music playing]
♪
Hey.
- Sam, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah. Merry Christmas.
You probably think I'm a real dirtbag.
And why would I think that?
[light ambient music]
I just saw a picture of a penis
on my girlfriend's phone.
And it definitely wasn't my penis
because I've never taken
a picture of it.
She's apparently been cheating
on me with one
of her professors,
so I guess it was just, like,
a old professor penis.
And I don't know how I could tell that.
It's not like they get
They don't get rings around them
like some sort of penis tree.
I hear myself saying "penis" a lot
and I that's not I don't
wanna seem fixated on that.
She has no idea I know,
and I haven't broken up
with her yet because we've been
together so long,
I have no idea how to even
approach that conversation,
and on top of that, we're
currently on a family vacation,
sharing a hotel room with my parents,
and there's also the possibility
that none of that matters at all
and I'm just scared and sad.
And I didn't mean to come up
and ramble to you
and say penis a whole bunch of times.
I just wanted you to know the..
Situation.
I won't bother you again.
Hey, how's your neck?
Oh, good. Thanks.
Why don't you take this?
I think you need it more than I do.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
♪
How's my glue job holding up?
That turned out pretty good, I think.
I mean, it itches a little, but
In success
it's gonna look like this one.
Oh, that looks horrible.
What?
- Who did that?
- A hockey stick.
No, no, like the glue job
itself is really scary.
My dad did it.
Like, it's, like, off-putting.
No, he did a great job.
If you had shown that to me,
I would've run to the hospital.
I suggested the hospital.
It was the first thing I
Did you find your skateboard?
Uh, no.
No, it's not looking too good.
[laughs]
I'm sure it'll turn up.
At least your drink
is helping with the pain.
Give me that.
♪
[laughs]
When do you leave?
In two days, then home.
- Where's home?
- Mm, sorting that one out.
Detroit.
That's far from me.
- San Diego.
- Ah.
Well, guess we'll never see each other.
Wait, well, what do you got
going on tomorrow?
Um, I have plans.
What about tonight?
Oliver invited me
to the staff Christmas party.
Yeah? You think he's okay
with you bringing me to that?
Well, if he's not, then I'll ditch you.
You wanna meet at the iguana painting?
- Sure.
- 10:30?
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.
Cool, say hi
to the professor fucker for me.
- Yeah?
- I I'll do that. Thank you.
[laughs]
It's an end of an umbrella
that it sharpened out.
Okay, they said it's the best
so you have to try it.
- No.
- Dad.
- Vi, no, no.
- Come on.
- Just a bite.
- No, thank you.
Octopus is an intelligent animal.
It tastes like a Band-Aid.
Well, folks
Oh, maybe stick
with the Philadelphia roll.
Your mom loved those.
[clears throat]
[soft music]
♪
So, Squirt,
I was thinking maybe we could
take a little trip tomorrow.
Maybe check out some ruins or a cenote.
Um, I already made plans.
♪
Okay.
I, um
I met a guy.
He was skateboarding
and crashed into a palm tree,
and I had to superglue
his head together, and, um
- [laughs]
- We have a date tonight.
[laughs]
That's a lot of information.
Did you use my glue?
Yeah.
You did my thing? [laughs]
Did you replace it?
No.
I put it back in the bag.
[both laugh]
That sounds about right.
What about Saturday?
Yeah, Saturday sounds great.
♪
Um, Dad, can I
Can can I can I go?
I'll explain it later. I just
- Okay, yeah, sure.
- It's okay?
- Yeah, go.
- Okay.
- Have fun.
- Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
♪
Can I get a Sapporo, large?
Yes, sir.
- Whoa!
- Ope, neck.
- Oh, it's okay.
- Sorry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Your hair's big.
- Oh.
- Thanks? Um
- I don't know why I said that.
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
- Um
- What were you gonna say?
I found your board.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
But, like, an off-brand Santa's
- kind of riding on it, so
- What?
Yeah, I think he went this way.
You know, I saw a creepy
Santa on the penthouse balcony
this morning. That must be his room.
Yeah, but why the fuck
does he have your board?
I have no idea.
What are you gonna say to him?
I don't know, I mean,
I've honestly never
What if he puts up a fight?
You think he might put up a fight?
I don't know. He might.
That's a situation I'd be
completely unprepared for.
[buzzer sounds]
[upbeat percussive music]
- [buzzer sounds]
- What's up?
Shit.
I don't think this card
gets us up to the penthouse.
[buzzer sounds]
Fuck it. Wanna just go to the party?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
It's just a lot of information
- on a small napkin.
- I don't know how to read it.
- You can.
- Okay, wait. I need the code.
What does that say? 286.
- [lock beeps]
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
And they're definitely cool
with us coming?
Uh, me, yeah.
Right, so worst-case scenario,
you're cool to go in and then I'm
I'm imprisoned here for the rest
Oh, shit. Do you hear the music?
- [bass thumping]
- Do not
- Don't go there.
- Do not go there. Okay.
That'd be fun.
♪
Hey, guys, I swear we're invited.
[both laugh]
♪
Oh, shit.
[upbeat music playing]
♪
Oh, my God. [laughs]
♪
Violet, you came! Bienvenidas.
Hi! Oh, this is my friend Sam.
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you, Sam.
- Glad you're here.
- Thanks for having us.
Yeah, you want something to drink?
- Yes!
- Sure.
- Luna!
- [speaking Spanish]
Oli!
[both speaking Spanish]
Violet, Sam, this is Luna.
- Hi.
- Sam!
- I love your top.
- ¿Cómo?
- Where did you get your top?
- I'm not this cool.
My friend made it for me.
Oh, wow. I want it.
Thank you.
Both: Cheers!
♪
- Let's dance.
- Okay.
- Can you hold my backpack?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. You dance. I got it.
- Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
♪
You wanna dance?
Uh, I don't really dance a lot.
♪
Good evening, sir.
The bar is already closed for Christmas.
Can I help you find your room?
Is there anyone I can call?
No.
No, uh, my wife died a year ago,
and my daughter wanted
to spend Christmas here
but doesn't want to spend it
with me, so
[speaking Spanish]
On the house.
Stay as long as you need.
[upbeat percussive music playing]
♪
[song changes]
Baltasar!
♪
Welcome, Baltasar!
♪
Out of the galaxy ♪
Your love has come to me ♪
You are the spirit of the night ♪
♪
You make my body swing ♪
You sexy, sexy thing ♪
You are the spirit of the night ♪
Oh, my star child ♪
You're special ♪
Spirit of the night ♪
You are my star child ♪
You're special ♪
Spirit of the night ♪
You are my rhapsody ♪
You set my spirit free ♪
Just like a melody ♪
Look what you've done to me ♪
♪
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
♪
Who is that?
Baltasar Frías.
He goes by Peniche.
He doesn't want people
to know he's a Frías,
but everybody knows.
What's a Frías?
You don't know Frías?
Don't fuck with the yellow snake.
It's got four noses. Hmm?
What? What?
I'm gonna get us another drink.
Okay.
[upbeat music]
♪
Hey, thanks.
♪
[phone vibrates]
[laughs]
[hisses]
[laughs]
Hey, Santa's here!
♪
[speaking Spanish]
Hey!
Hey, man, I think you have my board.
- What?
- My skateboard.
I think you may have
picked it up by acc
What skateboard?
I left it by the pool.
It's got, like, a brightly colored
Leave me alone, kid.
Hey, you wanna dance?
- Yes.
- Yeah? Come on.
♪
- Hey!
- [groans]
- [onlookers gasp]
- Sam?
Are you okay?
Wait, okay. Let's go.
Come on, come on.
[peaceful dreamlike music]
♪
Oh, my God, your head
is like a black hole for pain.
[thickly] I think he broke my nose.
- Fuck.
- Did we get the key?
Yeah, yeah we did. Come on!
Let's go find your skateboard. Come on.
♪
Okay.
I've never been hit in the face before.
♪
[panting] Too many steps.
So out of shape.
Shit.
[soft curious music]
Something's not right.
Oh, oh, yeah? Something seem
a little off to you?
These aren't the right windows.
This is the eighth floor,
but I swear I counted nine.
All right, well, Em, that's
as high as the stairs go.
Can we leave?
[panting]
♪
- [clattering]
- Whoa.
[grunts]
There is another floor.
What the fuck? Seriously?
- Seriously?
- Okay.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Emma.
- What are you doing?
It's only like ten feet.
- No, no, no. Come on.
- What? Stop.
- No.
- Oh, my God, stop.
No. Are you kidding me? No!
We're just gonna climb up there.
- There's a little ladder.
- No, we're not! No, no!
- I'm going to climb
- No, hey, no.
Ah-ah, no. Hey, give me
a little credit here.
Come on. Don't be fucking stupid.
- I'm going to climb up.
- We're not climbing
in a fucking abandoned elevator shaft!
We're going to therapy.
As a couple.
- Aah!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[panting]
I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay, I'm okay.
[yells]
Okay.
[grunts]
[soft tense music]
♪
[groans]
[elevator door chimes]
♪
Whoa.
- Merry Christmas.
- [laughs]
♪
Whoa. [laughs]
♪
Man, creepy Santa
keeps getting creepier.
♪
So now what?
I guess we try to find the board, right?
♪
[groans, panting]
♪
[grunts]
- Take your shirt off.
- Okay.
♪
- I feel weird straddling you.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- [indistinct]
[groaning]
Wait. Okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- [groans]
I got you. I got you.
Come here.
Come here.
[both groaning]
Okay.
♪
[both panting]
[laughs]
[laughter outside room]
Did you hear that?
- How will we get outta here?
- [grunts] Ow!
♪
Oh, no, no.
[grunts]
♪
Oh, my God.
Jesus. Okay.
What the fuck is this place?
- I don't know.
- [indistinct]
Shh.
Seriously?
♪
I did not sign up for this shit.
♪
Son of a
♪
I know this.
Yeah, this is it.
- Come over here.
- Oh, Jesus.
Get right there.
- What?
- Get right there.
Take my picture. Get your camera out.
Okay.
♪
- Yeah. Go low. Go lower.
- Okay.
Okay.
[camera clicking]
Okay. I got a couple.
Can I see it?
[groans]
♪
This is it.
They were here.
[elevator chimes]
Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.
- Fuck.
- [softly] Come on.
- Let's go. Come on.
Okay, so how are we getting out?
♪
We came up an elevator shaft, so
Who's that chucklehead?
- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God.
- [soft footsteps]
- [speaking softly]
♪
Where do we go? Come on.
The hell is this?
♪
Oh, fuck.
In here. Come on, come on.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
♪
- Huh.
- Well, this just got
way darker.
- [pants softly]
- Okay.
♪
"Pasaje"?
♪
Oh, boy. Em?
Yeah?
Come here. You should see this.
♪
Oh, my God.
[gasps]
- That's Baltasar, right?
- Yeah.
- And that's Luna.
- Yeah.
Uh-huh.
This is all the Oceana Vista.
Which means that that's the pent
[gasps] That's them!
That's Sam and Violet!
And the arches,
they're in this apartment!
Oh, my God! Okay. Okay. Wow.
Okay, I wanna take a picture.
Oh, whoa, whoa. Hang on.
- Oh.
- Okay, hold on.
Fucking God damn it.
- I can't, like, get it to
- Hm.
What's this?
[panting softly]
♪
It's a tooth. It's my tooth.
- It broke.
- It broke your tooth?
- Yes.
- Teeth don't just break.
- Well, mine clearly did.
- Emma.
I mean, that's your proof.
- It doesn't hurt or anything.
- When did this happen?
It happened last night
at the, um at the pool.
Why didn't you tell me about it?
Well, I don't have
to tell you everything.
Can you move?
Please?
Please don't look at me like that.
Okay, I can, like, feel the judgment,
and I don't need it.
Wow, you sound like a drug addict.
- Oh, my God.
- Well, I mean,
look, Em, your teeth are falling out
- A tooth fell out, Noah.
- That's not good
- It's one tooth.
- At all.
- It's a part of the tooth.
- The way you're acting
with this phone, which is, you know,
that's whatever.
It's fine, but I just
- I am worried about you.
- Okay, well, great.
- I feel very cared for.
- Oh, don't do that.
I'm trying to get evidence right now.
Hey, stop! Stop, stop. Stop it!
- Stop! I don't care
- You stop!
- About that.
- Well, I
What just don't shut down
and avoid talking!
I don't want a lecture right now.
I don't want a lecture.
Just please move on.
I just I don't know why you won't
- Noah, move on.
- Just fuckin' talk.
[thud]
[foreboding music]
Is someone here?
What do we do?
What do we do? What do we do?
Okay Get in the closet.
Get in the closet. Get in the closet.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
♪
- Turn off your light.
- Turn off your light.
Turn off your light.
Shit, okay.
♪
- I need to get my bag.
- Let's just get outta here.
- No, my book's in there.
- Forget the bag.
No, it's my mom's. She died last year.
Sorry. I don't know why
I'm telling you this right now.
♪
[eerie music]
♪
[whispering] Oh, my God.
That's Baltasar Frías.
What the fuck is he doing here?
How is that possible?
[ominous music]
♪
[gasps] He's got the phone.
No. No, no, no.
[tense music]
No, no!
- What are you doing?
- Hey!
Hey! Drop the phone!
Gimme that phone! Stop!
Drop the phone.
- Give it to me.
- I can't.
Put the 9 down.
Do you wanna get nuts?
Come on! Let's get fuckin' nuts.
Give me the phone.
Everybody calm down!
Noah!
♪
[groans]
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Aah! [grunts]
Ow!
[phone vibrating]
[gasps]
No!
[panting]
[clattering crash]
[gasping]
♪
[uneasy music]
♪