The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008) s01e03 Episode Script

1
All right. Grab all the cash
from the register and safe.
But don't eat nothing!
Mrs. M's my great-auntie.
SPIDER-MAN:
So you'll rob
the piggy bank
but won't touch
the cookie jar?
Wow.
You must qualify
for nephew of the year.
Twisted division.
Spider-Man! Get him!
SPIDER-MAN:
"Spider-Man. Get him."
Really? Is that
the best you got?
I mean, I go
to all this trouble to turn
you into famous spider-perps.
The least you could do
is keep things interesting.
I always do.
I'm really
quite creative.
[EXCLAIMING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
SPIDER-MAN:
Now let's review
that to-do list.
Stop the crime. Check.
Took pictures of
my web-slinging self
to win theDaily Bugle' s
photo contest.
Check. Check.
Hightail it home
before curfew.
Check. Check. Check.
Yup.
For once I'm making
all the right moves.
All the smart choices.
MARTHA: Curt?
Yeah. Right there, hon.
[GROANING]
Living on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swinging from
the highest ledge
He can leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
[AUNT MAY SIGHS]
AUNT MAY: All these bills.
I'm home!
And before 10:00,
thank you very much.
Peter, making your curfew
with only seconds to spare
is hardly cause
for celebration.
Aunt May,
don't stress.
Okay?
I know you've
been struggling
to make ends meet.
But that's all
about to change.
Believe me.
CURT: Billy's reading
about lizards?
He wanted to know
about those new skinks
at the lab.
[YAWNS]
He is a Connors.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
Yup. Aunt May's
troubles are over.
That Bugle prize money
is as good as
No! The window
caught the flash!
They're all useless!
[GROANING]
[MOANING]
[GROANING]
[SCREAMS]
Curt, what is it?
[SCREAMING]
[GASPS]
I can't believe it.
It worked!
What worked?
What did you
Curt,
tell me you didn't use
that lizard DNA formula.
Some lizards
regenerate lost limbs.
And some lizards
stick to walls and
eat raw meat.
That doesn't mean
you risk your life to
Martha,
look at the results!
Don't you see
what this means?
To me? To the world?
We can literally
heal millions of
Mom? Dad?
Hey, partner!
Whoa! Dad, your arm!
[LAUGHING]
[BELL RINGING]
[GIRL WHOOPING]
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
[CHUCKLES]
There's Parker.
[LAUGHS]
This is perfect.
By the time we're through,
he'll be a shivering wet rat!
I mean, more than usual.
Dude, you missed.
[SCOFFS]
Dumb luck.
Jerk's lousy with it.
Hey, Puny Parker!
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
[ALL GASPING]
Whoa.
Check out Parker.
BOY:
They didn't
nail him once!
GIRL:
How'd he do that?
PETER:
Oh, secret identities reek.
Come on, quarterback,
can't you complete a single
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Move, geek-ette,
or you're next.
Please, you haven't
got the game.
If you could hit
a target under pressure,
would we have
lost to Bronx Tech?
You choked like
a cat with a hairball.
[STUDENTS CHUCKLING]
Dude, you want some
aloe vera for that burn?
Come on, Einsteins.
[RAND CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHING]
Anything's better than just
standing there and taking it.
Excuse me?
Standing there
and taking it is
Nerd Survival 101.
Besides, I got
bigger problems.
Still no
Spider-Man
pictures, huh?
Pete, counting on
winning that prize money
for your aunt might not be
Well, what else
am I supposed to do?
I never asked
to be broke or
semi-grounded
or smart enough to be
Flash's drenching boy.
You stop right there.
I'm so not letting you
wish away your big brain.
If it's so big,
how come it can't
solve my problems?
Big but unripe.
Give it time,
cantaloupe boy.
About time!
The Connors are
due back any minute.
Here, bro.
We've still
got cleaning
Save it
for later,
kids.
First, we celebrate.
Ooh, cake!
BOTH: Chocolate!
What exactly are we
[STUTTERING]
Your hand.
Your right hand.
[EDDIE GRUNTING]
[ALL CHEERING]
[LAUGHS]
Got you!
Uh, sorry.
What, are you kidding?
Do you know how thrilled I am
to lose at arm wrestling?
Doc, this is huge!
Your lizard formula
is the cure for, like,
every lost limb and
amputation in the world!
We're talking
guaranteed Nobel Prize.
MARTHA: [CHUCKLES]
Slow down, Eddie.
Bad enough my husband
used himself as a guinea
Billy, Eddie installed
Space Whackos 2
on the office computer.
Whackos? Wicked!
If you're gonna
crank the volume,
close the door, please!
Take off your shirt, dear.
What, are you kidding?
It's freezing in here.
All right.
What?
MARTHA: Lizard DNA
is more primitive
than human.
And the reptilian part
of your brain is growing.
It's growing.
I'm regressing.
I can feel the change.
[GROANING]
Curt, please.
You need to keep
a clear head.
No, you need to hurry.
I'm losing control.
[SIGHING]
The formula creates
new reptile sequences
faster than I can ID them.
I don't know how we'll
ever knock 'em all down.
Wait, bro.
What if we work
from the other end?
Create a human DNA
filter that knocks
out the lizard code?
Like the noise filter
on a cell phone.
Yeah. Nice try, bro, but
No, wait!
That could work.
A gene cleanser.
Yes. Yes, of course.
I should have
seen it before.
My notes.
They'll have all
the data we need.
So it'll remove
any non-human DNA.
Even spider.
Hey, Billy.
How long were
you listening?
I don't want
to talk about that.
Okay.
What do you want
to talk about?
The book says
some lizards lay
hundreds of eggs
and never see them hatch.
Uh-huh.
Most of the babies
get eaten by predators.
And the parents
don't even care,
[WHISPERS]
'cause they've only
got lizard brains.
Billy, trust me.
Your dad will always
care about you.
Even if he turns
into a monster?
[CURT YELLING]
Curt!
I've made a terrible mistake.
[SCREAMING]
[GROWLING]
[ROARING]
Curt? Curt,
do you recognize me?
[GASPING]
Doc, stop!
We just want to
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[HISSING]
Eddie?Finish the gene cleanser.
I'll follow the doc
and call in with
a location.
I should get going, too.
Aunt May'll ground me
if I'm not home by 10:00.
Pete,
you can't leave now.
We have to help.
Well, I just
I can't be late.
She worries.
Peter, wait!
How could he just
I guess
I guess he's scared.
First Electro,
now this.
It's overwhelming.
And he's only 16.
I'm 16!
I know.
And thank you.
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
Now if I were a 6'5" lizard
instead of a 5'6" spider,
where would I hide?
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
Duh! Underground.
[LIZARD HISSING]
Don't panic.
Just head for the exit.
[EXCLAIMS]
[SCREAMS]
SPIDER-MAN: Sorry, pal.
No eating in the subway.
Dr. Connors,
we have to get you back
to the lab, understand?
Dr. C, you in there?
[SCREECHING]
Okay, maybe not.
Oh, yikes.
Can you say,
"Halitosis"?
I knew that you could.
Okay, Doc.
This is gonna hurt me
more than it hurts you.
[GROANS]
[GRUNTING]
Yeah.
Definitely hurts me
more than you.
[ROARS]
[EXCLAIMS]
Whoa!
Watch that third rail,
web head.
[GROANING]
Okay, Lizzy.
Where'd you get to now?
Hey, wall crawling
is my schtick!
Hey, you start spinning
a web and I'll sue!
[EXCLAIMS]
[GROANING]
MAN ON PA: Number 2
express to the Bronx.
Please stand clear
of the closing doors.
[GROANING]
Anyone get the number
of that Uh-oh.
[MOANING]
[THUDDING]
[ALL GASPING]
[ALL SCREAM]
Okay, you big, dumb gecko.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
So much for plan A.
We're done?
I think so.
It all squares
with Curt's research.
Of course,
there's only
one way to test it.
And since Curt's
hide is so thick,
we'll have to find
a way to make him drink it.
Maybe by asking
for help from a guy in
a spider-themed onesie.
BOTH: Spider-Man!
I get that reaction a lot.
How did you know
we needed you?
My spider-sense was tingling?
[RINGING]
Hello?It's me.
He's at the Bronx Zoo.
[HISSING]
Tell your friend
to stay clear
of the Lizard.
I'm on my way.
Was thatOur local hero.
He'll be there soon,
and I'll be right
behind him.
Gwen, can you
stay with Billy?
Of course.
Dr. Connors!
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]
[GASPS]
I get that reaction
a lot, too.
I think he's
in there with the
other creepy-crawlies.
Must have smelled 'em
or something.
Good. Stay put.
[SIGHS]
Ooh. Like a sauna in here.
And me without
my spidey trunks.
[GROWLING]
Got you!
Oh! Perfect.
The in-laws!
[COUGHING]
Thought I told you
to stay put.
You're complaining?
No way, bro
Uh, guy.
Look, we need
a new strategy.
Lizzy's not in
a medicine-taking mood.
Not when he's so
enjoying his play date
in the heated pool.
Wait a minute.
SPIDER-MAN:
The fake swamp was heated.
But dunk a cold-blooded
reptile in freezing
polar bear water,
and he'll slow up.
Right. Slow enough
for someone to force
a little
gene cleanser
down his throat.
But first, you need
to get him here.
With lizard bait.
Don't even think aboutMy choice!
Try to stop me.
[SIGHS]
I'm impressed, bro.
Okay, prep time.
First, make sure the
polar bears don't take
a midnight swim.
Check. Next.
Find the perfect spot
to bounce Lizard
into the drink.
Check. Check.
The perfect angle.
[SCREAMING]
[EXCLAIMS]
Now for the crucial
element of surprise.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
[GRUNTS]
[HISSING]
BILLY: Dad, stop!
You don't have
to be a lizard!
You're still my dad!
[HISSING]
Did you skateboard here?
I took a cab. Duh!
Brought you a present,
Lizzy.
Gene cleanser!
Guaranteed to remove
your toughest stains!
Grease, mustard,
even lizard DNA.
[GROANING]
[SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
[CAMERA CLICKING]
EDDIE:
Pictures and everything.
But who could have
taken these?
Check the byline.
[STAMMERING]
Did you see?
There's no shots of Billy
or Dr. Connors or
anything to prove
that he was the Lizard.
And that's supposed to
Bro, you ditched
the antidote effort
to win a contest!
Eddie, it's all right.
Besides,
I'm not exactly
in a position
to throw stones.
Peter, you're young.
And faced with
difficult choices,
young people sometimes
make mistakes.
Thanks for understanding.
I understand you,
but I can't trust you.
You're fired.
SPIDER-MAN:
I never asked
to be Spider-Man.
I never asked
for these powers.
I never knew it would
mean a bashed-up hand,
a hard 9:00 p.m. curfew,
no job
and friends
who all think I'm scum.
It was all just
a twist of fate.
Bad luck.
A random bug bite.
Easiest decision
I ever made.
Except
Except, I saved him.
Spider-Man's no magic wand.
But thanks
to the web head,
Curt's cured
and Billy gets
his father back.
So what if nobody
threw a parade?
Spidey stays
'cause Spidey's needed.
For now, anyway.