The Trouble with Maggie Cole (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

1
(Bell rings)
(Bell rings)
(Tyres squeal)
(Gunshot)
Whoever's doing it, they're relentless.
I keep deleting every post I find but,
ten minutes later, up pops another.
And now this
Their last one linked to it.
It's an online petition
calling for your early retirement.
Great.
Where do I sign?
It's not funny and it isn't fair.
- None of this should even be about you.
- Mm.
(Knock on door)
Hiya, sorry to bother.
Er, I just wanted to let you know, erm
Well, ask, really.
You know 3C are doing creative writing
all this week?
OK, then,
30 are doing creative writing all this week.
And I've managed to arrange
for Marcus Ormansby
to come in and talk to them
about writing for a bit
and listen to them
read some of their stories.
I think they might really enjoy it,
a proper author.
So, er
So, yeah, he's coming in tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Sorry, I, erm
I wasn't aware
that you knew Marcus Ormansby.
Well, yeah,
we've actually become quite good
Well, no, I'm not saying friends, as such.
But we have been texting
back and forth a bit ever since we, er
bumped into each other last week
and, er, you know
recognised each other from the paper.
I take it tomorrow isn't a problem.
No.
No, of course not.
(She clicks her tongue)
(Door closes)
(School bell rings)
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Look
Oh, no
No, no, no, no, absolutely not.
Not here, not now.
Well, I have to talk to her
at some point, Peter.
Well, bump her down the list.
She's gonna be
one of the tougher ones as it is.
You did basically called her a
Well, you implied.
Look, just not here, not now, OK?
Please.
I've had a stupid enough day as it is.
Why?
What happened?
Oh, nothing, just Headmastery stuff.
Oh, Kelly.
Oh, damn it, Peter,
I could've done a two for one.
- What? I said, could have.
- (He sighs)
- Can you just go?
- (Car engine starts)
- Hiya.
- Hiya.
- Mm, do you have a good day?
Noah.
- Star pupil, as always, weren't you, Josh?
- Yep.
I just wanted to pop and say hi.
I haven't seen you since, you know,
everything
- So, congratulations.
- Oh, yeah.
- Everyone keeps staring at me.
- They're probably staring at both of us.
You know, two members of the "outed six"
chatting together.
Oh, God, Roxy, I hadn't even
No-one believes a word of it, not a word.
Everything that woman said
is just a pack of lies. Everything.
Well
not everything.
I'd better go.
- Erm, are you still OK to Josh-sit Friday?
- Yeah, of course.
I'll see you then.
And I'll see you tomorrow, little man.
- Don't forget to bring in your story.
- Bye!
Bye, love.
(Engine splutters and dies)
Oh!
I hate this car.
I'll wait here.
We just need a few bits of veg for tonight.
Oh, and some milk.
Did I put milk on there?
- What?
- What do you mean, what?
I'm not going in there.
Well, I can't, can I?
Not until I've fixed things with Roxanna.
Which, by the way,
is What I was trying to do back there.
Oh, you're gonna sort the Whole thing out
in the middle of the road, are you?
Well, I might've done.
- Well, I can't go in there, either.
- Oh!
- Believe it or not, it'll be just as awkward
- Here.
No backsies!
- I'm not playing that game.
- Oh!
- I said, no backsies.
- Just because you say something
- Don't be silly about it now.
- I'm not. I'm not the silly one.
That's vent annoying, stop it.
Stop it!
- You have it.
- No, you have it.
No, you have it.
Oh, God, he's looking, he's looking!
Shh!
I'll just go without veg tonight.
No, you will not go without veg tonight.
What did you have for your lunch?
Salad.
You hesitated.
-You had chips.
- No, no, I didn't.
- Right, we're going to Sainsbury's.
- (Car engine starts)
- That's a 20-minute drive.
- Oh, dear.
Well, if you behave yourself,
I'll buy you a comic.
KELLY: Are you ready?
I crown you King Joshie!
And I control the Earth!
- Kelly!
- Hey, there!
- Hi!
- Oh, here you are.
- What's all this?
- It's our castle.
Yeah, it's our castle.
OK.
Well, picture this
Me, you and His Highness there
are spending our anniversary
aboard a five-star luxury cruise ship
on the River Nile.
Wow
Neil, what are you doing home?
I've quit my job.
Hey, Joshie, do you want to get changed
while I make us dinner”?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Erm, I'm sorry, you've done What?
I've quit, OK?
I hated my job, so I've quit.
That is normal, you know? That's what
people do when they've won the lottery.
It was 70 grand, Neil.
30 of which you've spent on a car.
And by the way, we never won the lottery.
Stop saying that.
You've got to stop saying that.
Please, Kelly,
you have to start meeting me halfway here.
The hard part's over, don't you see?
And now, look,
an anniversary on a cruise ship.
I mean, ten years ago,
we had to spend our honeymoon
in some godawful, scruffy, little
What?
Nothing.
Is it all right if I have my bath now?
Poor, long-suffering Peter.
I've not exactly had a great day, either,
you know?
I had a bit of a funny phone call
this afternoon.
Oh, yeah?
Heavy breather, was it?
- At my age?
- Well, it's not like they can see you.
Or else
you'd get many more.
- Mm, nice save.
- Mm.
It was the Daily Mirror, actually.
- It was the what?
- Yeah, I didn't want to tell you.
I didn't want you worrying.
And to be honest,
I handled it rather well, I think.
It started off all rather normally,
pretending to ask questions about
the opening times at the Keep and stuff.
And then, suddenly,
it got a little bit personal,
asking questions about me,
about the family,
about the whole radio thing.
- How do you know it was the Daffy Mirror?
- Well, I don't actually know.
It just had a sort of Daily Mirror vibe.
So
Oh, anyway, Maggie,
it's bound to be the local rag
- and I hope you told them to bugger off.
- Of course I did.
Except for I didn't use the word bugger,
obviously.
Because I thought
they might be recording it.
Ah, see, you're learning, then.
Funny.
So, what exactly did they ask
- about our family?
- Oh, I don't know.
What's to ask?
What's to tell?
No skeletons in our closet,
thank you very much.
Go and have your bath, then.
Because I want one, too.
Yeah, right.
(Bar-room charter)
Oh, God
Excuse me a minute.
Semi, I'll be back in a minute.
What are you doing here?
You knew I was on shift tonight,
you've left Mum on her own.
Oh, no! Do you think she's gonna have
a wild party and trash the house?
No, I think she doesn't like being
left on her own, especially at night.
(Fruit machine beeps)
- (Coins clatter and tumble)
- Nice one, Darren.
Maybe you're the one
who shouldn't be left on his own.
Look, Mum is fine.
She's all better now cos you came home
and saved the day, didn't you?
So, why don't you go and do that again?
Because I'm gonna stay here and have
a drink with my girlfriend, on the house.
Yeah, it's, er
It's not on the house.
All right, Alex?
Syd.
- You do know you can do better than him?
- Absolutely.
Hm.
- £1.95.
- Seriously?
Seriously. We've got a delivery tomorrow
and he's been stock checking.
Unless you want to get caught stealing
from a notorious gangland crime boss,
who runs a small village pub in Thurlbury.
Oh, yeah, you still don't believe it, huh?
All right.
Do yourself a favour.
Next time he leaves you on your own,
go up to his flat,
the cabinet by the Window.
White door.
Why?
What am I gonna find there?
A gun.
A gun?
Really?
Not a little teddy bear,
like you keep in your room, then?
What?
Shut up. No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.
- It's a little koala thing in a red ribbon.
- No, it isn't.
And what are you doing
searching through all my drawers anyway?
You've never been to Brian's flat,
you knobhead.
Haven't I?
Oh, well, there's one way to find out,
isn't there?
Chief.
(He scoffs)
(He sighs)
Please, tell me you've misspelled salmon.
Does that seem likely?
Shalom?
Peter, it's my regular appointment.
I go every month.
She has just won the lottery, you know?
She might not even be there.
Yeah, but she might.
And if she's not, she's not.
- My hair desperately needs attention anyway.
- Mm.
Yes.
I mean, no.
It isn't.
No, that wasn't such a good save there,
was it?
Not really, no.
Look, Peter, I know this last week
has been hard.
And you've been my rock, you have.
If it hadn't been for you,
I don't even know
I think it's starting to wear you down a bit,
isn't it?
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
You know, if I seem distracted, it's work,
that's all.
It's not about you, it's not all this,
it's just work.
- Just Headmastery things?
- Yeah.
Boring, dull, teachers everyday.
- Headmastery stuff.
- And you would tell me if it wasn't?
I would tell you if it wasn't.
Thanks.
(She groans)
- What's the time?
- About nine.
- Nine?!
- I've already taken him.
Oh
Ten years, Kelly.
In all that time,
we've never, ever spent a night apart.
I just
I don't understand what's happening to us.
It's the lie, Neil.
It's the lie of it all.
You know, I promised you a castle.
What?
When we first got together.
When we first started seeing each other,
I promised you a castle.
Hell, I promised you the world, I was
Oh, I was gonna be rich and successful.
Remember my old guitar?
- I used to play you those songs.
- Yeah, I remember.
You thought you'd be
the next Liam Gallagher.
Noel.
Not that it matters, I just
I'm just trying to explain
that I did this for you.
For me?
I wanted a sports car, did I?
A luxury cruise?
- I wanted you to quit your job?
- No. No, I'm not saying that.
I know you didn't.
I just
Oh, you don't understand.
I don't think either of us do.
Because when I say
the problem here is the lie
that's not the one I'm talking about.
- Do you know what time it is?
- Mate, I don't even know what day it is.
Oh, well, there's a surprise.
All right, I'm taking Mum to see Nanna.
Then I'm at the reserves tonight,
so, this time can you not?
Really?
Right there?
- What if Mum had come in here?
- She knocks.
You might want to try it sometime.
And you might want to tn! that sometime, too.
It might chill you out a bit.
I'm chilled enough, thanks.
- Yeah, you look it.
- Look, can you just at least put it in?
- What's this?
- It's just skunk.
- Mm, and this?
- A bit of speed.
What about that?
I don't know what that's doing there.
Seriously, Liam, what's wrong with you?
What, you miss Dad so much, you want
to go and share a cell with him, is that it?
Semi.
Just try and think of Mum, all right?
- She's been through enough.
- When's the last time you thought of Mum?
You came back here to take care of her,
did you?
Left your big, exciting job in the city
to come back and work in a boatyard
and play Baywatch every night.
Yeah, of course you did.
How much did you lose this time, Ale)(?
Yeah, you're the good one, all right,
aren't you?
Can I have Kevin back, please?
- Kevin?
- Kevin.
Oh
JAMIE:
Becks, I'm just heading to the agency
to see Where they're at with that shop space.
- Do you want to come?
- Not really.
And in about three seconds
you won't want to, either.
What?
So, do you want the good news
or the bad news?
- Sorry?
- Play along, Jay.
Say, "Good news, please, Becks."
Good news, please, Becks.
It's positive, by the way.
- Just in case that wasn't clear.
- Is this?
Are you serious?
No, I just fancied playing
a particularly cruel practical joke on you.
Oh, my God!
(They both laugh)
Oh, Becks!
Oh, my God, What am I doing?
I shouldn't pick you up, I'm sorry.
Jay, I think it's fine. A couple of spins around
the kitchen at this stage is perfectly safe.
Ah!
I don't
I don't believe it.
It's amazing, I just
I mean
- Wait, what's the bad news?
- Yeah, the bad news.
Your mother's about to become unbearable.
- Oh
- (They both giggle)
The entire school is no smoking.
Er, I don't smoke.
Good.
But if you do, then you have to go
out the gates and over the road.
Well, if I do decide to take it up,
I'll know where to go, thanks.
Wear this at all times.
Thanks.
No, at all times.
Oh, yes.
- Is this gonna take much longer?
- It'll take as long as it takes.
This is very short notice for a visitor.
Very short notice.
Right, please read this and sign it.
- Did you read it?
- Sure.
What did it say?
Karen, for crying out loud,
he's signed the form, OK?
Is that it?
Yes.
Thank you.
Right.
Come on,
I'll introduce you to our Headmaster.
Oh, no, you won't, he's on the phone.
No, I won't, he's on the phone.
Staff room coffee it is, then.
It's awful, you're gonna hate it.
Hang on!
Have you got a car?
Erm, I do have a car, yes.
Well, if it's on the premises,
then you will need to display
a visitor permit in the window.
It's not on school premises, it's over the road.
Oh, that would've been handy if you smoked,
you could've sat in it.
Come on, let's get out of here before she
insists on giving you a full cavity search, too.
Excuse me?
(She closes her desk drawer)
Disgusting!
So, that Marcus Ormansby is here.
Oh, OK.
You do know his books are 21” Violence,
murder and death?
It really doesn't seem very appropriate
for the school.
I don't know, have you met 30?
I mean, I'm all for them
learning to appreciate literature.
But still, I mean,
it's a bit like the music teacher bringing in
Sid Vicious or someone.
Yes, well, given that he's been dead
for the best part of 40 years,
that probably would be somewhat alarming
for them.
Although, again, have you met 30?
I'm glad you can see the funny side,
Headmaster.
But if you ask me,
Miss Wheadon is really starting to take
advantage of this Whole radiogate business.
- I mean, it's just not on.
- I don't know what you mean.
You see, I don't want to speak out of turn
or anything, but
it almost felt like she blackmailed you
into this.
Mm, picked up on that, did you?
Oh, I can't say I blame her, to be honest.
You know, she's got every right
to be angry at the moment.
Well, not with you!
Listen, I
If you ever need to talk or anything.
Thank you, Karen.
I appreciate that.
I actually really do.
(Doorbell jingles)
With you in a second.
Hello.
"..And then Batman pulled off his head
”and his head came off
and the blood was all coming out of his neck
"and then Batman went home
and had a bath and went to bed.
"The end."
Yes, right.
Yes, that was very good, Tommy.
Very, erm
- Descriptive.
- Descriptive, yes.
Er, yes.
Absolutely.
Er, potential copyright infringement aside,
it was really quite
I'm gonna give you a B.
Plus.
B plus.
Yes!
Right, who wants to go next?
Josh?
The Prince And The Treasure.
"One day, the Queen went out shopping.
"So, the King and Prince decided to go
to the Magic Fortress (0 have a ward.
"But the Queen rang the King
to see what they warned for dinner.
"So, the Prince went off to explore
the Magic Fortress by himself.
"The Magic Fortress
was a dangerous place
“full of ghosts and skeletons.
"But the Prince wasn't scared.
“He went all down to the haunted dungeons
all by himself]
Dad!
"..Where he found this secret treasure.
"And so the King and Prince
took the treasure back to (he palace.
"But when the Queen saw
What they'd brought,
”she said that they were the bravest
and cleverest men in the Whole (and. ”
It's got to be drugs, hasn't it?
Some kind of drop off.
"They had fish and chips and ice cream."
Jesus, Neil, someone might've even been
watching you when you
There was no-one there.
"And they lived happily ever after."
We have to call the police.
- Do we?
- Neil!
'Forever and ever, amen.”
Very good, Josh!
Well done.
Excitement, adventure and,
more importantly, a happy ending.
Hallmarks of any good story.
Can I take a look?
You've even drawn a picture.
I'm gonna give you an A plus.
Before you start, I just, erm
I want to say something.
I am so sorry, Kelly.
I really am.
I listened to gossip, as usual.
Started putting two and two together,
as usual.
And wound up getting
well, four, in your case, actually.
But still, I shouldn't have said anything.
Even if I didn't realise that they were
planning on broadcasting the whole thing.
Which, by the way, I didn't.
Just saying.
But I am sorry, Kelly.
Forget it.
Head forward.
And also, I'm not trying to put
a positive spin on things or anything,
but, you know, maybe it's kind of good
that it is out there now.
Big secrets like that,
they can eat you up if you sit on them.
And, you know, it is amazing, isn't it?
I mean, God,
I haven't congratulated you yet, have I?
I mean, you and Neil,
you must be beyond happy.
I can't imagine how it feels.
It must be life-changing.
To be honest, I wasn't even sure
that you would still even be here.
- (She sobs)
- Kelly!
Kelly
I swear, if I could take it back
I don't give a shit
about your stupid interview, Maggie.
So, you flapped your gob to half the county,
so what?
Well, technically,
I only flapped it to one guy.
He was the one who flapped it to a
Er, that isn't important.
(She sniffles)
I don't care about any of that.
So
what's wrong, then?
(She sniffs)
I thought we were happy, Maggie.
It's our anniversary this Friday.
- Oh, right.
- Ten years.
I booked a surprise.
I arranged it a couple of months ago.
Spend a night away in the very same B&B
that we spent our honeymoon.
That's nice.
Not for him, it isn't.
He wants to whisk us off to Egypt
and some five-star luxury cruise liner.
Oh.
That's
pretty nice, too.
It's all been a lie.
What has?
Our marriage.
Our life.
I was happy.
And he wasn't.
Ever.
It was just all one, big disappointment.
- Don't be
- I was just one big
ridiculous.
I was still working at the school
when you two were just kids.
Six years old
and he was in love with you even then.
And he's not disappointed in you.
He's disappointed in himself
because he couldn't offer you the life
he thought you deserved.
I had everything I wanted.
Yeah, but that doesn't make any difference,
Kelly, because he's a man.
And that's what they do.
They pretend to be evolved.
And they're not, really.
They're still effectively apes,
just driven by their stupid need
to provide for their woman.
And then they torture themselves
when they don't.
Or when they think they don't.
I mean, Peter is still no different now.
He still bottles the odd thing up,
just to protect me.
But, you know,
I wouldn't have him any other way.
(Phone rings)
Do you think he was really in love with me
when I was six?
Oh, Kelly, trust me, he was in love.
Oh, it's Jamie, I think I'd better
Hello?
- Mum?
-Yeah?
- Are you all right?
- What's wrong?
No, no, nothing's wrong.
Er, well, I was just phoning to, er
To tell you
Er
Er, just to let you know
- I'm pregnant!
- Say again?
Pm pregnant!
Argh!
- I wanted to tell her.
- I'd have had it by the time you told her.
(Maggie shrieks with joy)
Look, don't tell Dad yet, I will.
Yeah.
OK, OK.
OK.
- I've got to go.
- Oh, is everything all right?
Everything is amazing.
But I can't tell you
cos I've got to tell Peter first.
And if I don't tell Peter first,
I'll get into trouble
cos I've just told them not to tell him,
and so I want to tell him first.
Anyway, in summary, I've got to go.
- Oh, Maggie, the gown.
- Gown, gown!
Yeah, and if you want to come back tomorrow,
I can fit you in at the same time.
- Really?
- Sure.
And, thanks, Maggie.
Aw
Aw!
Yeah, OK.
Ah' mph").!
All right, mate?
- All right.
- Thanks.
Cheers.
Sod it.
Whoa, shit.
(School bell rings)
Oooh!
- Oh, sorry!
- What are you doing?
- Maggie, what is it? What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
Everything is wonderful.
The most amazing news!
Erm, Karen,
if we could just have five minutes.
Er, yes, of course.
(She giggles)
Guess what?
No, actually, I'm gonna let Peter tell you.
- We
- So, dinner, round theirs tonight.
-Ah!
- Hey.
Mwah!
By the way, did you know you've got
a bottle of ketchup in your pocket?
Er, yes.
- Yes, I did, yeah.
- OK, good.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye.
I am gonna be a grandad.
Wow!
Congratulations.
Thank you.
(She munches loudly)
(School bell rings)
(They both laugh)
- Listen, I just wanted
- I was just wonder
- Sorry, go on.
- No, I'm sorry, it's my fault.
I'm always doing that.
What were you going to say?
Oh, nothing.
I was just wondering, er
I was just, well
- I was going to ask you
- (Knock on door)
- What?!
- Oh!
Oh, no!
- God, sorry.
- No, it's fine.
No, it's not.
No, sorry.
Oh, Maggie.
Hi.
Semi, I didn't mean to
I was just looking for Roxanna,
but I can see that she's not there.
Marcus, hello.
- What are you doing here?
- Er
Oh, right, actually, funnily enough,
I was hoping for a chance
to talk to you, too.
So, if you've got a spare few minutes
Maybe some other time, yeah?
Er, I'd better get back for my dog.
Buster is the dog.
Yes, Buster.
Leave him too long and he makes his feelings
rather messily known.
Does he?
Er
I really enjoyed it.
Erm
- Thanks for inviting me.
- Oh, no, thank you for coming.
The kids loved it.
I knew they would.
Erm
Right, then.
Actually, I was wondering
if you were doing anything.
Later, I mean.
As in this evening.
I thought maybe a drink.
I mean, say if you're busy.
I'd love to.
Text me, yeah?
You meanyou and Marcus?
Oh, I think that's great.
I do.
Really, the two of you together is just
- What do you want, Maggie?
- Well, nothing.
Like I said, I was just looking for
Actually, I do have some news.
And I know that things aren't,
you know, right now, but
Oh
Oh, er, yeah, obviously,
I've already got all your ideas.
But if you have any more,
just feel welcome to come along.
As it says, open to all.
Well, I'll have to see
if we're free that evening.
Jamie and Becka are pregnant.
Well, Becka mostly.
That's wonderful.
- Give them my best, yeah?
- I will.
(School bell rings)
Jill
Please, tell me it wasn't all a lie, Neil.
Tell me you were happy.
I mean, before
Happy?
Kelly
You've never done anything but
make me happy since the first day we met.
All I ever wanted
was to try and do the same for you.
You already had.
Every single day for ten years.
Longer, actually.
If only we thought to tell each other, hey?
We have now, hey?
Yeah, we have.
Which just leaves us with this.
A solution to a problem we never even had.
- And the one that's killing us.
- No, it's my fault.
No, it's not.
It's ours.
(She sighs)
But What are we gonna do?
Shove it in the attic?
Bury it?
Put it back where we found it?
No, we'd know where it is
and the temptation would always be there.
And not just for you, either.
Don't think I haven't dipped into it as well.
I've got six new outfits upstairs
that you never even noticed.
Actually, I noticed.
I wish we could just magic it away
in a puff of smoke, as if it never happened,
like in a fairy tale.
You see, Neil, that castle you promised,
it would never have made us happy.
Even Josh knew that.
I guess he's smarter than both of us.
I was never gonna be
the next Noel Gallagher, was I?
You weren't even gonna be Liam.
I don't know about that.
I am about to set fire to a giant pile of money.
I'd say that's pretty rock 'n' roll.
Wouldn't you?
Are you serious?
Well, wait, erm
You know that last outfit I bought?
Well, there's these designer shoes
that would go great with it.
Well, it's funny you say that, because
I might have sort of promised Josh
I was gonna get him
one of those drone thingies, you know?
I reckon that ought to do it.
Yeah.
And they both lived happily ever after.
Cheers, mate.
Hello, Alex.
You picked a bad time
to start photo bombing.
Especially wearing that.
I really must say thank you
to the radiogate woman.
If we ever get to meet her.
I've got your money.
Do you not think it's a little bit too late
for all of that?
No, really, I've got it.
I swear, I have.
I'll get it for you tonight,
straight after shift. All 12 grand.
Interest.
20?
Yeah, I've got 20.
OK.
As it happens,
we're staying over at the local pub.
The Conqueror.
Do you know it?
Oh, What am I saying?
Of course you do.
You grew up around here, didn't ya?
You see, we know that now,
since we found out your real name
Alex Myer.
You've still got family here, haven't ya?
Mum, little brother, innit?
Oh, and ergrandma.
I've got the money.
Good.
We'll be in the bar until 11.
I mean, do I go or do I not go?
I mean, half of the stuff she's doing
is stuff that I've already arranged anyway.
I think.
I mean, I don't even know
if they're gonna go for a float.
And I specifically wanted afloat.
In fact, I asked Jill to come and ask me about
a float when I was in charge of the Q and A.
So do I do that now?
We definitely told her about the baby,
didn't we?
Yeah.
Oh
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Not for tonight, all this.
Back to business.
Have you picked a name yet?
Well, if it's a boy, we're thinking Tarquin.
And if it's a girl, Jezebel.
Tarquin or Jezebel
Yes.
Yes, I like it.
Er, she's winding you up, Mum.
Yes, I know she is.
That's why I winded her back.
Wow, village anniversary hijack aside,
you really do seem a lot more chilled out
than usual.
Let's just say that your happy news
couldn't have come at a better time.
Well, it wasn't planned.
Er, the timing of the news, I mean.
Well, it's not just that anyway.
Because I am much more chilled out.
I am done being upset.
And I'm done being angry.
I'm just not going to let any of it
get to me any more.
I mean, there was a woman called me
yesterday from the Daffy Mirror
and I just wasn't bothered.
Daily Minot/2?
It wasn't the Daily Mirror.
No, it might've been the Daily Mirror,
you don't know.
Anyway, she phoned pretending
to be interested in the Keep.
Then she started asking these weird
personal questions about the family.
- What, our family?
- No, the Sopranos.
So, What sort of questions, Mum?
Oh, stupid ones.
I don't know, probably looking for gossip.
Ironic.
Well, you know, they're just trying
to drag it all out, aren't they?
Hoping for a, you know,
people in glass houses kind of angle.
Well, good luck with that.
Because we are an open book,
as it happens.
Always have been.
In fact, I was saying that to Kelly
this morning.
Oh, I meant to tell you that she's
right off the list now, that is all sorted.
Mm-hm, good.
It's never good to sit on secrets, is it?
Because they eat away at you.
And they always come back to
A toast, I think, to Becka
Jamie and Tarquin or Jezebel.
ALL: Becka, Jamie, Tarquin or Jezebel.
Or Maggie.
See you soon.
See you.
See you later.
All right.
Dad
Your mother's wrong.
Not all secrets are bad.
Not if they're protecting the right people.
It was a long time ago, hm?
Hey
Hey.
Today's the best day of your life.
And mine.
Come here.
Hm.
Bye.
Bye, Dad.
- What was all that about, then?
- Oh, you know
Fatherly stuff.
Oh.
Yeah.
Right
(Car engine starts)
Bye.
- (Laughter)
- I've only got a yard!
Well, er, this is me.
Oh.
- Can I give you a lift home?
- Oh, no, no.
I only live around the corner, actually.
Oh.
Well, I could give you a lift
around the corner, if you like.
That's literally the side of my house there.
Oh!
Erm
Oh, God
I'm kind of out of practice with all this.
I haven't had a date since, er
Not that I'm saying this is a date.
I mean, when I asked you,
I did sort of, erm
Call me tomorrow.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Night, Marcus.
Night, Jill.
(Car engine starts)
Shit!
I bit the bullet, Peter.
I went into the shop
and I tried to buy stamps.
And now everybody thinks
that I'm a racist!
What the hell kind of stamps
did you ask for?
- Someone took it.
- Did they?
Just give me a couple more days.
I hurt my best friend
to impress some twit of a reporter
and feel important for half an hour.
Someone called for you this morning.
A journalist.
Maybe I do want people to see me
and think,
"Well, she looks well and happy.”
Because I am well and happy.
It's this Thurlbury planning thingy
I've got at the village hall.
- You should come. It'll be fun.
- Will it?
None of this is true.
- Peter, tell them.
- I think we should go.
Jamie
It's not true, is it?