The Weekenders (2000) s01e03 Episode Script
Shoes of Destiny
1
Hi, I'm Tino.
Okay, so you know how, like, everyone
wants to be one of the cool kids?
Well, you might think you want it,
but my friend Carver, he super wants it!
My theory is that a tiny part of your
brain does nothing but try to be cool.
And in Carver, this part
has swollen way up and
squashed all the other
parts like cockroaches.
It's like squish.
It's like, ow, no, no!
And there's like this one leg twitching.
Anyway, the point is,
Carver has been trying to
become one of the cool
kids for his whole life.
And, you know, success rate: zero.
But, maybe this weekend.
You never know, right?
Well, hi.
What are you waiting for?
Come on!
See, you know, Monday,
they're taking the class picture.
Right, that thing where
we all stand in a big
group and I hold my fingers
up behind Tish's head.
Assale me, not with
thy foul fingers, knave!
Have you been reading Shakespeare again?
Well, since I'm going to be an actor..
I thought you were going to be a poet.
That was last week.
Let's focus, people.
We're talking about me.
Okay, here's the deal.
This year, in the photo, I will be
standing with the cool kids.
gasp No way!
Oh, man.
This is like saying you're going to fight on Mars!
Standing with the cool kids
in the class picture means
you are guaranteed to be
cool for the whole next year.
It's like the holy grail of middle school.
Oh, yeah, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to become: C.A.R.P.
Did you just say.. "carp"?
Yeah, it stands for what I want to be.
Cool And Radically Popular.
Good thing you don't want to be Cool,
Rich And Popular, huh!?
Why?
Carver, this is never going to happen.
You've been trying to get in with
the cool kids since, like, forever.
Yeah, well, this time, I'm going
to become C.A.R.P for sure.
I don't know, Carv.
Maybe you should just try being yourself.
No way, man.
I tried being me, and it stinks.
I got to be C.A.R.P.
All it takes is total determination.
I have to be willing to give up anything.
My dignity, my self-respect, even my life.
Even your allowance?
Now you're talking crazy.
gasp No, yonder.
The cool kids doth approach!
Okay, introduce Brie and Colby: the Cool Kids.
As far as these guys are
concerned, we're lower
than something you'd
scrape out of your navel.
Like, we don't even exist.
Check it out.
Come on.
These special glasses allow us to see the
world the way Brie and Colby see it.
Please note that Carver, Lor,
Tish, and I have disappeared,
but Lor's frozen
yogurt is still plainly visible.
I think you get the point.
Brie, Colby.
'sup!?
Do you hear somethin'?
No.
But, suddenly, I want a frozen yogurt.
Whoosh, like I'm not even here.
Man, I am over being a nobody.
I am so over it, I am orbiting it.
You need something to get their attention,
something flashy, something with style,
something like
Shoes!
Well, I was thinking more
like, a big purple wig.
No, shoes.. !
There.
Once in a lifetime, you
discover an item so totally
C.A.R.P that you know you
have found your destiny.
Uh, they're shoes.
I mean, am I missing something here?
They're shoes.
I gotta have them, man.
I don't care what they cost.
These shoes will bring me everything I
want.
Suuure, just click the heels together
and say "There's no place like home."
Whoa
Hose me down, baby, because I am hot!
Once more, the cool kids draw nigh.
Hey.
Cool shoes.
gasp
Carver.
They they noticed you.
Duude, I've never seen them talk to anyone before.
They noticed me.
I have an In !
Oh, man, I can smell the C.A.R.P.
Hang on.
Oh wait a second..
If Carver becomes one of the Cool Kids,
will he be too cool for us?
Good day, Carver?
No, autographs.
But I'm a friend.
That's all right, Mongo.
This one amuses me.
Aww, thanks, Carver.
Have him made into a pair of boots.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.
A little.
But still, I'm worried.
Hey, Mom.
Feet.. !
Oh, right.
Um, hey, Carver's trying to become one of the Cool Kids.
Uh-huh, yawn, old news.
Oh, yeah.
But I think he might actually do it this
time.
And you're afraid he'll be too cool to
spend time with you.
Okay, seriously?
You gotta stop that mind-reading thing.
Tino, you and Carver have been friends
since you were five years old.
You have to trust that that means
something to him.
I guess.
And listen, if you don't see him for a
while, he'll come back sooner or later.
I promise you.
Yeah.
Thanks, Mom.
I feel better.
Great.
Then you can clean your room.
Um, how come no matter how our
conversations start,
in the end, they're always
about me cleaning my room.
It's one of life's great mysteries.
With only 48 hours to the class picture,
we begin Operation: Cool Carver.
We will secretly study
Brie and Colby, so
that Carver can learn
to be exactly like them.
First, Carver has to perfect:
the all-important, Cool Kid shrug.
Choosing the right close is essential
for the definitive, Cool look.
The wrong choice can spell disaster.
And, of course, the cool outfit must be
flawless down to the most microscopic detail.
Sooo, when do we see the new Carver?
Here I come.
Whoa.
Exactly like one of the Cool Kids.
Now that holds a mirror up to life.
Dude, enough with the vows already.
Congratulations, Carv'.
You really did it.
I think it's time for a group hug.
Later days.
Gotta run.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Wow.
I haven't chased 'em out that fast since I
showed the videotape of your birth.
Yeaaah
Okay.
Brie and Colby are heading right for Carver.
He's signaling them with a cool shrug, and
and they've accepted him as one of their own.. !
He's IN.
YEAH!
Carver's one of the Cool Kids.
Okay.
Now, Lor and Tish are about to realize
that we may never see Carver again.
And three, two, one
Hold on.
This means Carver can't be our friend anymore.. !
He can't hang with us and the Cool Kids.
Yeah.
That would break every law of middle
school.
And I think the laws of physics.
Guys, he's our friend.
We had to help him get what he wants.
Even if what he wants doesn't include us.
I guess so.
Uhh, this is great, but, are we gonna do anything?
We don't have to do anything.
I see.
We mostly just lean against things.
You know, walls, fences, trees.
Uh-huh. Well, sounds like fun.
He can't talk to us.
Hey, there's one thing we do besides lean.
We make fun of those who are beneath us.
Cool.
Check out those losers over there.
Yeah, laughing and moving around and stuff.
That's so nowhere.
It disgusts me.
Having fun is totally uncool.
Hey.. aren't you gonna say
something about those geeks?
Those geeks.
Those geeks.
Yeah.
Those geeks are my friends.
I knew he'd come around.
Did he just say "geeks"?
Sniff sniff.
I smell loser.
We're so gone.
Poof.
Well, Carv'.
Looks like you won't be with the Cool
Kids in the class picture on Monday.
Oh, yes, I will.
'Cause I'm with the Cool Kids right now.
retching noises
No, it's true.
I'll tell you.
Those guys are about as much
fun as a pocket full of bees.
My friends, I'm reminded of the immortal
words of William Shakespeare.
gasps It's Sunday night.
Actually, I was thinking of "To thine own self, be true."
No, I mean it's Sunday night and we
haven't even started our homework.
I'm supposed to write a thousand
word essay on tree frogs.
Aw, and I gotta translate the first ten
pages of 'Moby Dick' into Spanish.
Then to a best, we hasten away.
Yay, swifter than an arrow from a [unintelligible]..
In American, please.. !
Um, let's blow.
Thank you.
Hey.
Yeah?
Thanks for sticking with us.
Yeah.
Later days.
Later days.
Well, I don't know if Carver really
learned anything.
By next weekend, he
might forget all about this
and try to get in tight
with the Cool Kids again.
I like to think the "cool" part
of his brain is just, a little smaller.
And maybe the friends part isn't so squashed.
Ah, hey, do me a favour.
Don't tell anyone about my brain theory, huh?
They'll think I'm like some kind
of total donk or somethin'.
Okay.
Later days.
Hi, I'm Tino.
Okay, so you know how, like, everyone
wants to be one of the cool kids?
Well, you might think you want it,
but my friend Carver, he super wants it!
My theory is that a tiny part of your
brain does nothing but try to be cool.
And in Carver, this part
has swollen way up and
squashed all the other
parts like cockroaches.
It's like squish.
It's like, ow, no, no!
And there's like this one leg twitching.
Anyway, the point is,
Carver has been trying to
become one of the cool
kids for his whole life.
And, you know, success rate: zero.
But, maybe this weekend.
You never know, right?
Well, hi.
What are you waiting for?
Come on!
See, you know, Monday,
they're taking the class picture.
Right, that thing where
we all stand in a big
group and I hold my fingers
up behind Tish's head.
Assale me, not with
thy foul fingers, knave!
Have you been reading Shakespeare again?
Well, since I'm going to be an actor..
I thought you were going to be a poet.
That was last week.
Let's focus, people.
We're talking about me.
Okay, here's the deal.
This year, in the photo, I will be
standing with the cool kids.
gasp No way!
Oh, man.
This is like saying you're going to fight on Mars!
Standing with the cool kids
in the class picture means
you are guaranteed to be
cool for the whole next year.
It's like the holy grail of middle school.
Oh, yeah, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to become: C.A.R.P.
Did you just say.. "carp"?
Yeah, it stands for what I want to be.
Cool And Radically Popular.
Good thing you don't want to be Cool,
Rich And Popular, huh!?
Why?
Carver, this is never going to happen.
You've been trying to get in with
the cool kids since, like, forever.
Yeah, well, this time, I'm going
to become C.A.R.P for sure.
I don't know, Carv.
Maybe you should just try being yourself.
No way, man.
I tried being me, and it stinks.
I got to be C.A.R.P.
All it takes is total determination.
I have to be willing to give up anything.
My dignity, my self-respect, even my life.
Even your allowance?
Now you're talking crazy.
gasp No, yonder.
The cool kids doth approach!
Okay, introduce Brie and Colby: the Cool Kids.
As far as these guys are
concerned, we're lower
than something you'd
scrape out of your navel.
Like, we don't even exist.
Check it out.
Come on.
These special glasses allow us to see the
world the way Brie and Colby see it.
Please note that Carver, Lor,
Tish, and I have disappeared,
but Lor's frozen
yogurt is still plainly visible.
I think you get the point.
Brie, Colby.
'sup!?
Do you hear somethin'?
No.
But, suddenly, I want a frozen yogurt.
Whoosh, like I'm not even here.
Man, I am over being a nobody.
I am so over it, I am orbiting it.
You need something to get their attention,
something flashy, something with style,
something like
Shoes!
Well, I was thinking more
like, a big purple wig.
No, shoes.. !
There.
Once in a lifetime, you
discover an item so totally
C.A.R.P that you know you
have found your destiny.
Uh, they're shoes.
I mean, am I missing something here?
They're shoes.
I gotta have them, man.
I don't care what they cost.
These shoes will bring me everything I
want.
Suuure, just click the heels together
and say "There's no place like home."
Whoa
Hose me down, baby, because I am hot!
Once more, the cool kids draw nigh.
Hey.
Cool shoes.
gasp
Carver.
They they noticed you.
Duude, I've never seen them talk to anyone before.
They noticed me.
I have an In !
Oh, man, I can smell the C.A.R.P.
Hang on.
Oh wait a second..
If Carver becomes one of the Cool Kids,
will he be too cool for us?
Good day, Carver?
No, autographs.
But I'm a friend.
That's all right, Mongo.
This one amuses me.
Aww, thanks, Carver.
Have him made into a pair of boots.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.
A little.
But still, I'm worried.
Hey, Mom.
Feet.. !
Oh, right.
Um, hey, Carver's trying to become one of the Cool Kids.
Uh-huh, yawn, old news.
Oh, yeah.
But I think he might actually do it this
time.
And you're afraid he'll be too cool to
spend time with you.
Okay, seriously?
You gotta stop that mind-reading thing.
Tino, you and Carver have been friends
since you were five years old.
You have to trust that that means
something to him.
I guess.
And listen, if you don't see him for a
while, he'll come back sooner or later.
I promise you.
Yeah.
Thanks, Mom.
I feel better.
Great.
Then you can clean your room.
Um, how come no matter how our
conversations start,
in the end, they're always
about me cleaning my room.
It's one of life's great mysteries.
With only 48 hours to the class picture,
we begin Operation: Cool Carver.
We will secretly study
Brie and Colby, so
that Carver can learn
to be exactly like them.
First, Carver has to perfect:
the all-important, Cool Kid shrug.
Choosing the right close is essential
for the definitive, Cool look.
The wrong choice can spell disaster.
And, of course, the cool outfit must be
flawless down to the most microscopic detail.
Sooo, when do we see the new Carver?
Here I come.
Whoa.
Exactly like one of the Cool Kids.
Now that holds a mirror up to life.
Dude, enough with the vows already.
Congratulations, Carv'.
You really did it.
I think it's time for a group hug.
Later days.
Gotta run.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Wow.
I haven't chased 'em out that fast since I
showed the videotape of your birth.
Yeaaah
Okay.
Brie and Colby are heading right for Carver.
He's signaling them with a cool shrug, and
and they've accepted him as one of their own.. !
He's IN.
YEAH!
Carver's one of the Cool Kids.
Okay.
Now, Lor and Tish are about to realize
that we may never see Carver again.
And three, two, one
Hold on.
This means Carver can't be our friend anymore.. !
He can't hang with us and the Cool Kids.
Yeah.
That would break every law of middle
school.
And I think the laws of physics.
Guys, he's our friend.
We had to help him get what he wants.
Even if what he wants doesn't include us.
I guess so.
Uhh, this is great, but, are we gonna do anything?
We don't have to do anything.
I see.
We mostly just lean against things.
You know, walls, fences, trees.
Uh-huh. Well, sounds like fun.
He can't talk to us.
Hey, there's one thing we do besides lean.
We make fun of those who are beneath us.
Cool.
Check out those losers over there.
Yeah, laughing and moving around and stuff.
That's so nowhere.
It disgusts me.
Having fun is totally uncool.
Hey.. aren't you gonna say
something about those geeks?
Those geeks.
Those geeks.
Yeah.
Those geeks are my friends.
I knew he'd come around.
Did he just say "geeks"?
Sniff sniff.
I smell loser.
We're so gone.
Poof.
Well, Carv'.
Looks like you won't be with the Cool
Kids in the class picture on Monday.
Oh, yes, I will.
'Cause I'm with the Cool Kids right now.
retching noises
No, it's true.
I'll tell you.
Those guys are about as much
fun as a pocket full of bees.
My friends, I'm reminded of the immortal
words of William Shakespeare.
gasps It's Sunday night.
Actually, I was thinking of "To thine own self, be true."
No, I mean it's Sunday night and we
haven't even started our homework.
I'm supposed to write a thousand
word essay on tree frogs.
Aw, and I gotta translate the first ten
pages of 'Moby Dick' into Spanish.
Then to a best, we hasten away.
Yay, swifter than an arrow from a [unintelligible]..
In American, please.. !
Um, let's blow.
Thank you.
Hey.
Yeah?
Thanks for sticking with us.
Yeah.
Later days.
Later days.
Well, I don't know if Carver really
learned anything.
By next weekend, he
might forget all about this
and try to get in tight
with the Cool Kids again.
I like to think the "cool" part
of his brain is just, a little smaller.
And maybe the friends part isn't so squashed.
Ah, hey, do me a favour.
Don't tell anyone about my brain theory, huh?
They'll think I'm like some kind
of total donk or somethin'.
Okay.
Later days.