Tiger & Dragon (2005) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1
Hello! My name is Donta,
not to be mistaken with Don Tacos.
It's Don!
One, two, Sheila E.
It's so nice and quiet here.
Like Den-en-chofu.
Well then…
Here in the rakugo group,
we have an odd pupil named Kotora.
Let me be your pupil!
He's actually a yakuza,
but he decided to work
as an apprentice under Master Donbei.
What the hell do you know about my life?
He's a man
with a bit of a complicated past…
But men are quite simple.
When they see a hot woman,
they turn into animals!
Their brains shrink
down to the size of a T-Rex's.
If they see a hole,
they just want to stick it in!
Oh? Have we met before?
Ryuji and Toraji finally buried
the hatchet, but not for long!
And that's
where we ended the story before.
It seems I have some time left over.
Well, here's a short story!
"Mother, how are babies born?"
"You see, a stork brings them over."
"Then how are storks born?"
"Former Giants player Kono brings them."
Don, don, don! A sacrifice bunt!
Huh?
Tiger and Drag--
MANJU KOWAI EPISODE
He's so cute, I could just eat him up!
You'd be so delicious!
Hey! I'm scared because
you look like you'd really eat him!
Have you decided on a name yet?
We have Donta, Donkichi, Dontsuku,
Donburi. What was your name again?
It's Udon, sir!
How silly!
Well, you can be Ten-don!
He's already planning
to make him a rakugoka!
You'll be the 3rd generation
to take over the family business.
Right, Donta?
Donta?
Ryu-chan, Father wants
to know what we'll name him.
Oh!
You better hurry,
or they'll name him Ten-don.
That's fine.
No, it's not! Hold on a second!
Master! You can't!
POLL FOR WOMEN
CELEBRITY YOU WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH
#1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
He took Degawa's spot.
Master! We didn't decide
if Taro will become a storyteller yet!
Taro? That's such an ordinary name.
We thought too hard,
so it ended up being normal.
At one point,
we thought of naming him Mozart!
Sayuri-chan,
there has been so much good news.
A new grandchild,
Donkichi being promoted to headliner…
What?
Last night, we received
a call from the association.
They're going to promote Donkichi.
I see.
-That was unexpected…
-I'm sorry.
Not at all!
Become a headliner or anything you wish!
When will it be announced?
I'll open for you.
Dear…
With a chubby Woody Allen headlining,
we wouldn't be able to fill the theater!
I, the prince of rakugo,
will liven things up!
Did you hear?
Donta's doing rakugo. Amazing.
Yo!
I heard you've got a new boyfriend.
To tell you the truth,
I'm the one spreading it.
How nice! I should dress up
and find myself a girl, too!
Hey!
Whoa! I thought they were mannequins!
Why the hell are you mad?
I'm not mad.
You are.
I'm mad because you keep
saying I'm mad when I'm not!
So you are mad!
I'm not mad!
Calm down, guys!
Both of you seem plenty mad to me.
Come here, Chibi.
What?
You took my Megumi-chan?
Oh! You're mad about Megumi?
You just realized that? And I'm not mad!
Nothing's going on between us.
You haven't done it yet?
We already did it twice.
He never asked how many times!
Just a moment.
Hello? Torachi?
I'm at the Tokyo Tower right now for work!
Yup! I'm on my break.
Want to have dinner later tonight?
Hey! Quit calling me
over stupid stuff like that!
Huh? What's your problem?
What? Don't act like you're my girlfriend.
All right. I'll see you later.
Where were we?
Forget it.
Are you giving up?
You're letting a guy like
this steal that girl with nice, long legs?
You're way funnier than this guy.
It doesn't matter if I'm funny.
A sense of humor is meaningless to women!
What?
You like her?
So why the hell
did you get involved with her?
Why didn't you all just do her?
A few drinks and dinner
is all you need, right?
-Don't talk and just do.
-Say something!
I can't…
Our brains work differently,
so I don't know what to say.
Did I do something wrong?
Sorry. I won't do it anymore
if you love Megumi--
I told you I don't love her.
When did I ever say that?
It's pretty obvious!
I'd tell you if I really love her!
Just leave me alone!
Hey!
-What're you doing here?
-Why did you come here?
Hey! Wait a minute!
It's been a while, right?
It's good for brothers
to chat once in a while.
If you feel uncomfortable,
Kotora and I will help.
I'm going.
-What?
-I still have my yakuza duties.
See you guys later.
Sit down.
All right.
-Good evening!
-Hey!
Hey Ginjiro,
what's Hyuga been up to lately?
What?
He hasn't been in the office
and isn't picking up his phone.
You didn't hear?
What?
He got married.
And she's only 18!
Only graduated high school in the Spring.
It's a crime if you ask me!
Jun-kun…
Wasn't he dating your older sister?
He was. Pops was set on
the idea of them getting married.
I know it's weird for me to say it,
but she's not that great, you know?
I don't approve of this, Hyuga!
You hurt my precious Shizuka-chan!
I'm so sorry, sir.
If you're sorry, why the hell
would you do something like this?
Is this how you repay me?
By making her cry?
She's been bar-hopping
around Roppongi ever since high school…
so this doesn't faze her,
but Pops is really pissed.
He'll probably call tomorrow.
It's your dad…
I know it's not exactly
the adult thing to do,
but it's our duty as yakuza to go
all the way in a situation like this.
If not, how can I live
up to my reputation?
Do you really have to live
up to this reputation of yours?
Of course!
I see.
So what should I do?
Make something "happen"
at Hyuga's wedding party.
What?
What?
That's a bit petty…
Why don't we just threaten his wife?
Idiot!
I would never
do something like that to Hyuga!
Come on! We'll just teach him a lesson.
Then, Shizuka-chan
will feel better! Right?
I'll feel a lot better!
Tora,
I'm counting on you.
Donkichi's going to be a headliner.
I see…
Is that why you're all depressed?
Don't be stupid! He's turning
40 this year. It's about time.
Donkichi was a station
master till he was 30, right?
Promotion to headliner
in ten years is commendable.
Don…
Don't get down over every little thing!
There's more to rakugo
than going on stage.
Yeah. You can continue doing
rakugo, no matter how old you get.
You should keep making your TV--
That's what made me the number one man
you wouldn't sleep with.
I have to try harder.
I'm a father of two.
I'll try harder. I can do it!
And what about you?
You're in no position
to sit there and drink.
Me?
Yes, you!
Because of your stupid store,
Dad's in debt.
And that's why no women
want to sleep with me.
Make women want me!
Make women with long legs want me!
Wiggle wiggle.
That's more like you now…
Don! Don! Wiggle wiggle!
Wiggle, wiggle, pitter-patter.
Don-chan, you know…
-What?
-You know…
Oh, right!
Pull yourself together, dear!
Right, right…
Donkichi over here
has finally become a headliner.
Yay! That's great!
Shut up. You're too loud.
Okay?
He'll be the first ever
headliner at Hayashiyate.
We'll announce this to the public soon,
so we need to put together a program.
Is Tora-chan going to perform?
Nope. Only those above the 2nd rank.
Who are you?
I am Megumi!
She's Megumi!
So who are you?
I'll just kick her out. Leave.
What are you doing? Why can't she stay?
How long are your legs?
Are they longer than 80 cm?
They are, right?
Never mind that
Never mind that, Tora-chan.
You have to memorize a new story.
I still have that debt to pay back.
3,8 million yen left.
I know! We should try "Manju Kowai."
I don't like scary stories!
Is this story really that scary?
It's an opening act story,
but with the right skills,
it'll cause a roar of laughter.
I'll be telling it today,
so why don't you come by and watch?
Come and watch.
A roar of laughter?
You can still catch Donta's story.
Torapyon, this ningyo-yaki is really good!
Hey, shut up for a second.
Thank you all for coming.
I'm very honored to be here.
-People from Edo are rather impatient.
-Oh, he's telling "Manju Kowai" today!
"It's so nice to soak in the bath!"
"Oh? You're in the bath already?
But sir, isn't the water a bit cold?"
"What do you mean?
I think the temperature's perfect!"
"Is that so, sir?
We haven't heated the baths yet."
The joke hasn't even started yet.
"Come on in! Today we're just gonna sit
around and chat for awhile. Come on in!"
Then let's get some sashimi
here and have a few drinks.
That's what a rich person would say!
All we need is some hot tea.
Hot tea?
What took you so long?
I was scared out of my mind!
What?
I was taking a shortcut when I came
across a big blue-green snake!
It was sticking its tongue out
and staring at me!
I was so scared, I thought
he was going to swallow me whole!
It's nothing to laugh so loud about.
Everyone is afraid of something.
It could be for no reason.
I just can't stand the sight of a slug!
-What about you, Kicchan?
-For me… it would be a frog.
I'm afraid of spiders!
I hate being broke.
You're always broke, anyway!
I don't like ants.
I hate horses…
Wow, you're all afraid
of the weirdest things.
Hey Matsu, what are you afraid of?
Shut up!
It's nothing to get angry about!
Everyone gathered here today…
I can't listen
to this stupidity any longer.
You're afraid of snakes?
Just give it a little squeeze
and make a headband out of it!
Afraid of spiders? I could just
throw a few in my natto and eat them!
The webs would make it stickier.
Afraid of ants? I'd just eat them
like sesame seeds on top of rice!
They'd be all over
the place and difficult to eat.
Whether it's a horse or spiders,
I'd eat it no matter how many legs it has.
Then Matsu, you'd eat
this table right here, too?
"Yeah, I don't see why I couldn't. But I
don't eat things that could hurt me."
I don't get it. Why was that funny?
How the hell would I know?
"So you don't fear anything?"
"Nope!"
"Really?"
"How many times do you I have tell you?
Oh, I just remembered one thing.
I'm afraid of just one thing!"
"Oh you are? What is it?"
"I'm not telling you!"
"Why not?"
"No, you'll laugh at me."
"No I won't! Come on!"
"All right, I'll tell you then.
I'm scared of manju…"
See! You're all laughing!
Manju? That food
with sweet red beans inside?
Stop! Stop!
Don't say that!
Now I have the shivers!
I'm gonna lie down for a bit.
I'm so scared of manju!
Isn't that weird? He's scared of manju!
Why don't we play a little trick on him?
Yeah! I've always had
a bone to pick with him!
He always teases me
about my appearance! What's the plan?
Buy a whole bunch of manju
and put them all around his pillow!
He gets so scared just talking about it.
Imagine if he actually saw a real manju!
He'd die of shock!
It would be death by manju!
Let's play a little game.
There's one manju here that
contains wasabi horseradish!
Wait a minute! Nobody told me about this!
"Hey Matsu! Wake up, Matsu!"
"What is it? I was sleeping so soundly!
What's wrong?
Oh! It's manju! I'm so scared!"
"I'm so scared!"
It's spicy!
Spicy! Spicy!
"Oh no! Look at all these different
kinds of manju! I'm so scared!"
It's so spicy!
"It's chestnut manju! So scary!"
Spicy!
"Soba manju.
It's soba manju! Soba manju,
the scariest manju in the world."
So spicy!
"Soba manju."
Ah! Spicy!
"Hey. He keeps saying he's scared,
but he keeps on eating them!
I think he tricked us."
"Hey Matsu! What is it that you're
really most afraid of in this world?"
"Right now, I'm most afraid
of a nice strong cup of tea."
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Good work everyone!
MOST HATED CELEBRITY
CELEBRITY YOU WOULDN'T WANT AS A
BOYFRIEND: #1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
CELEBRITY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
WORK WITH: #2 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
CELEBRITY YOU THINK WILL DISAPPEAR
AFTER THIS YEAR: #1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
CELEBRITY YOU WANT TO SEE GONE:
#1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
THE MOST HATED CELEBRITY RUNS
AWAY WITH THE TOP TITLE!
Hello! This is Yamazaki's cellphone!
He's unable to answer so I, Megumi--
Don't answer my phone!
Hello?
Sorry to interrupt your afternoon
drive with your little "sex friend."
What the hell are you talking about?
Do you have any plans for tonight?
All right. I'll meet you
at the fish cake cart at 10 p.m.
Wait, wait!
You better come alone!
Fish cakes! Fish cakes!
Fish cakes at 10 p.m.!
Okay.
I want fish cakes. Okay, Torajiro?
Whatever is fine.
Just decide on one name to call me?
It's been bothering me for a while.
After you left, my brother got depressed
and has been bland on TV these days.
Really? He seems the same to me.
He's going to be the opening act
for Donkichi's show soon.
That's not good.
It's not?
He's good when he practices,
but falls apart when on stage.
He can't handle pressure.
But they love him on TV.
Those are spur-of-the-moment gags,
he's actually on the verge of a breakdown.
He's really pessimistic.
Things improved since he got married.
-His wife used to be more famous than him.
-Famous?
You didn't know?
-She used to be an enka singer.
-What?
Here.
-"Crying on Asakusa Kokusai Street 2."
-Part two was more popular than the first.
His father's a top comedian,
his brother's a genius rakugoka,
and his wife was a famous singer.
No wonder his stress is building up.
Did you finish practicing?
Stop it…
Why not? I had to wait for half a year!
No! It'll wake up Saya,
and I still have to feed Taro.
I get it. You don't want
to sleep with the most hated celebrity.
-What?
-I get it.
You don't want to sleep
with a man no one wants to sleep with.
And no one wants to sleep
with a woman who slept with such a man.
In other words, the only man
who would sleep with that woman…
Is the man that no one
wants to sleep with.
What are you talking about?
I don't know…
I really don't know anymore. Damn.
Ryu-chan, you should rest.
You have seven shows right now.
You're in too many programs.
Why don't you reduce them?
Tsuru-chan…
I got a call from my old producer.
He asked me
if I wanted to make a comeback.
Of course, I can't do it immediately,
but since Mother has agreed
to look after the children…
You know?
I'm going to bed.
Hey!
Ryu-chan!
Can I move on to the main issue?
Then what was all this talk up till now?
An introduction?
Maybe I…
I really like…
I mean,
I told you I'd tell you
when I really liked someone, right?
I've been thinking about it,
and I think…
I've really fallen in love.
Why are you telling me all this?
Oh, wait.
Do you like Megumi?
You scared me. I thought it was me!
-Are you crazy?
-Then don't tell me. Tell her!
Why is she here? I told you to come alone!
I had no choice!
She wouldn't budge! I'll get her.
No! Don't!
She's waiting in the car
just because you told her so.
I don't stand a chance.
"I'll be waiting at the office - Hyuga"
Why's he texting like a chick?
I have to go.
What?
Watch my car.
Just watch it.
Nice to meet you!
We've met before!
Sorry. Your face isn't very memorable,
so it didn't leave an impression.
Come over here and say that again.
Don't try to hide it.
What did the boss tell you to do?
Well…
at the wedding party…
Cause an uproar?
Not an uproar.
Just a "happening."
How petty of him.
So what's the plan?
Plan?
But I can't betray you.
You're the one who took me in.
But if you side with me,
the boss will lose face.
So it's about saving face.
Her parents are very strict people!
It took me, a 100% yakuza,
six months to persuade them!
I did it because I wanted
to choose my life partner myself!
Hey, Tora!
Yes, sir!
Look at me!
Don't you have a good plan?
A good plan?
I want daikon, a boiled egg,
and a chikuwabu fish cake!
Daikon, boiled egg, and chikuwabu?
What about hanpen fish cake?
That, too!
What do you want,
juicy hanpen or puffy hanpen!
Puffy hanpen!
Just get out of the car!
-But it's cold.
-Aren't you from Aomori?
It's so cold!
She's like a king crab!
-Are you drunk?
-No, I'm not!
Maybe I am!
Why don't you sit down?
She's too tall for me.
I don't think I can win.
ODEN
It's so cold!
It'll get warmer
after you drink and eat a bit.
Do you think Tora-volta
will get jealous if he sees us?
So you call him Tora-volta?
I don't.
Let's eat!
Am I…
that unmemorable?
Huh?
I'd rather be hated than be forgotten.
I'm the younger brother of the celebrity
no one wants to sleep with, after all.
Sorry!
Let me tell you, it takes me
a while before I get to the point.
Remember when you dissed
my clothes at Shibuya?
I was so pissed off, I hunted you down.
Since I was among all these other guys,
my face wouldn't have made an impression.
But if I had zero feelings for you,
I wouldn't have gone through all that.
Oh! That's right!
Look.
I haven't…
gotten rid of it yet.
Not that I have
the money to get rid of it anyway,
but I just couldn't give you up,
as if I left a story unfinished…
Sorry, you probably wouldn't understand.
Well…
Well…
Ryuji?
Right, Ryuji.
You must be very kind-hearted.
Really?
You know, girls like me who are
from the countryside are…
-Um…
-Ryuji.
We're attracted
to kind men like you, Ryuji.
However, we're also
attracted to cold men like Torachi.
Even though…
-Um…
-Ryuji!
Though we should go out
with guys like you, Ryuji.
Well…
It's Ryuji! You're doing that on purpose!
You're really good at criticizing.
That's not really a compliment!
Can I say something mind-blowing?
Huh?
Tora-chan and Ryuji.
You are "Tiger and Dragon"!
Yeah.
That's why you get along so well!
See? Aren't I awesome?
Yeah, you are.
I know you're awesome, so please shut up!
Shut up and listen to what I have to say!
Yes, sir.
Did I fall asleep?
-Stay asleep!
-I had a dream that I peed my pants.
Oh no! I did pee!
I'm going home now.
I have to go to work early.
I had fun!
I had fun too.
Let's drink together again.
Okay.
Your number…
Get it from Tora-chan!
How can I, you fool?
DONKICHI
Hayashiyate Donkichi
has become a headliner!
-It's his first show!
-Why are you in such low spirits?
Move.
This is an important show!
Where did Donta go?
-Maybe he ran away.
-He looks down on us.
He's a TV celebrity, after all.
Why, welcome, everyone.
You know what?
None of my pupils would ever
do something like run away before a show.
No matter how bad they are,
I've taught them to be responsible
and do their very best on stage!
Calm down, master!
Calm down?
This is your first headlining show!
Don't tell me to calm down!
My nose is bleeding.
Donta's missing. He's the opening act,
but he still hasn't shown up.
Do you have any idea
where he might be hiding?
DONTA
Five minutes left! Udon, strike the drum!
Yes, sir.
It's the drum for the first act!
Who'll go on stage?
I will!
No, idiot! Stop!
-Idiot?
-Forgive me. It's my fault.
I've memorized about 80%…
Well, 60% of "Manju Kowai."
Wait. 60%? Only 60%? Let's not do this.
-Why not?
-Let's not do this.
I'll go up.
No! If you go first,
who will do the finale?
I'll go.
Tsuruko?
Tsuru-chan?
Goodness, it's Sensouji Tsuruko!
Tsuru-chan!
They love her!
Let's go!
I went to Senso-ji to look for you
Took the aquatic bus to the Sumida River
From Azuma Bridge to Kappa Bridge
KAPPA BRIDGE STREE
From Rokku Nakamise to Hanayashiki…
Donta!
HANAYASHIKI
My dear, my dear, my Donta
My dear, my dear, my Donta
Did you find him?
No. I looked all over Asakusa,
but I couldn't find him.
There's only one more
place I can think of.
-Where?
-Right there.
Crying and looking for you,
all over Kokusai-dori
Bro…
What're you going to do?
You nearly ruined
Donkichi's first headline!
You should be expelled
for your ludicrous antics today.
Maybe this career doesn't suit you.
-Maybe you should stick to TV work.
-Wait a minute!
-In his heart, he wants to do rakugo.
-You've left, so stay out of it!
Are you going to kick him out
like you did to me?
Ryuhei is not like you!
He has a wife and two kids.
That's exactly
why you shouldn't expel him!
You can do classic rakugo
when you're older.
You think it's so easy?
You've got to be kidding!
What do you think rakugo is? You think
it's so easy to start when you're old?
I performed classic rakugo
ever since I was young.
Has my life been a waste of time?
Ridiculous!
Don't talk big because you're young!
What you're doing
is just finding an easy way out of things!
Making clothes, starring on TV…
you're just wasting your lives away!
You have no experience, yet you think
you can do it when you are older?
Who said I wanted to do rakugo?
Who wants that crap anyway,
you stupid old man!
Nobody's going
to follow in your footsteps!
As long as you keep being so arrogant,
no one will inherit your rakugo name!
Watch how you talk to your father,
you punk!
I don't even know if you're
my father or my teacher! Damn it!
-What was that for?
-Stop it.
This is my problem.
The angrier you get,
the harder it is for me to take.
Honey…
Please forgive me for what I did today.
Tsuruko, Donkichi, I'm terribly sorry.
But…
But please, give me
some time to think about my future.
And…
Mother's crying.
What?
Oh.
I'm so sorry, Sayuri-chan.
I keep telling you not to make her cry!
You're not crying because of me, right?
I'm asking you if it's because of me!
Hey, Ryuji!
That was pretty awful.
Sorry you had to see that.
No.
It wasn't awful at all.
You're probably going
to criticize me for being too blunt again.
But there's something great
about parents and kids.
You really are blunt.
Rakugo is interesting,
but so is the family dynamic.
I have experience
in neither rakugo nor family,
so I'm learning all about it
from your old man.
So, Ryuji…
What?
Come back again,
and show me a whole
bunch of this kind of stuff.
I'll never have a chance against you.
What do you mean?
It's what Megumi said.
What?
She said that you and I are
a tiger and--
-Hello?
-Why get it now?
What will you do, Tora?
-The wedding party's next week.
-I know.
It's what the boss has been telling me.
Maybe I should postpone it.
-What?
-No, you should stick to the schedule.
I'll try to get my dad to calm down.
No, I can't impose upon you guys.
What are you doing?
This…
Tiger, tiger, jirettaiga!
Well, Edo natives…
He's telling "Manju Kowai."
Yes.
I'm going to tell "Manju Kowai."
Around the Shinjuku, Kabuki-cho area,
there once was a yakuza lieutenant
who was both attractive and smart.
One day, however, he decided
to wed a very young woman,
which caused a big problem.
The lieutenant had been in
a relationship with his boss's daughter.
The boss wanted to teach a lesson
to the yakuza who abandoned his daughter,
so he thought very hard,
to come up with a plan.
Why is this person famous?
A HUNDRED THINGS
YOU SHOULDN'T DO AT A WEDDING
Isn't he one of the Yanaka boys?
His jokes are super lame.
Women especially hate him.
How pathetic.
Hyuga's new wife really hates him, too.
She's creeped out by him.
His face makes her want
to throw up and go into a seizure.
"Really? What great news!"
So he called in the gangsters
and cooked up a plan.
Apparently,
Hyuga's chick hates Donta.
Is that so?
Well, he is disliked across the country.
So I thought,
why not invite Donta to
the wedding party to spice things up?
What?
That would definitely cause a scene!
It'll be quite a party, don't you think?
COMPLETE MANUAL TO FINDING A JOB
A wedding party?
That's right. I'm indebted to him,
so I can't turn him down.
No problem, but are you sure they want me?
Wouldn't Donkichi be better?
No! It's got to be you!
It has to be you!
This entertainer…
His name is Anrakutei Bonta,
and he was famous
for being disliked all around Edo,
Although being so disliked
shows how famous is.
Still, he had his worries.
So he went to his younger brother,
the shopkeeper Ryu, to get help.
Can you teach me rakugo?
Seriously?
Yeah, teach me a classy one.
Please!
By now, some of you may
have guessed how the story will go.
What? Donta's here?
He's here!
I want to take a picture with him!
She was what you would call a "maniac."
When you see Donta,
you have to pretend to hate him.
Why? It doesn't make sense!
-Because…
-He's a total masochist!
Masochist?
The meaner you treat him,
the funnier his performance will be!
What the heck?
Wait!
-No! Let go!
-Please.
I'll tell you the truth.
Bonta had no clue what was going on.
Toshiko! Your marriage… Don, don!
No Don-Dons!
You're supposed to tell a classy rakugo.
Something's going to happen today.
A "happening"!
Now, this is time
for a special guest performance!
He's someone you've seen on TV.
Please give a round of applause
for Mr. Hayashiyate Donta!
Donta!
Thank you, and congratulations!
No!
No!
Thank you very much!
Today, I will perform a rakugo,
something I've never done on TV…
No!
One person in the audience seems to hate…
Just go on!
A long time ago,
when this city was known as Edo…
No!
I can't hear him!
Toshiko, yell even louder!
Donta's gross!
Donta's gross!
Gross!
Gross!
Gross!
-More.
-Donta's the worst!
More!
I really hate Donta!
Strip, Donta!
Don't do it, Donta!
All right, I stripped!
Don don don! Dontagon!
Stop! Bride!
Just watch.
By now, nothing could stop Bonta.
Like a fish out of water, no…
More like water spewing from a broken dam,
he went nuts!
This is my real job!
Stop right there!
No!
No!
Is it here?
Is it here?
I'm going in!
I'm going to poke the bride in the butt!
Admiral, I have finished poking her!
Good! Now, attack the groom's crotch!
Understood!
Ready, set, dick!
Well, the fleet has fallen silent.
Don! Don! Don Chaka Khan!
This is outrageous!
Daddy, are you sure she's scared of him?
Damn!
Congratulations, congratul-titanic!
She's actually enjoying this!
What's going on here, Ginjiro?
Say something, idiot!
Well?
I get it. It's "Manju Kowai!"
Donta, you're so gross.
You're the grossest!
"How dare you trick me?"
-"What do you mean?"
-"Don't play dumb!"
"She's pretending
to hate him but is having fun!"
You.
You're Donta's fan, right?
-No way! I hate him!
-Don't lie!
Then tell me…
what else you hate!
Well,
I hate houses with gardens,
kitchens with German appliances,
and plasma TVs.
Excuse me.
I see. I'll buy them for you.
Thank you very much, sir!
I was so scared!
"I also hate cute little babies!"
"Take care of that one yourselves!"
Good job, Tora-chan! Bow-wow!
Here's your cola float!
Hey, I think you did a pretty good job.
Really? Thank you very much, sir!
-Here's this month's lesson fee.
-Okay.
There's nothing I hate more than money!
-What?
-Not really.
That Anrakutei Bonta
in your story was my Donta, wasn't it?
And that shopkeeper Ryu is…
Sorry, I can't disclose that information.
Why not?
-This month's payment.
-I was just about to…
You forgot the envelope!
I'm sorry! Can I just give it to you!
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
Apparently, nothing has changed.
Well, at least he's got more confidence.
Now the main topic…
Again?
What?
The other night,
I got to spend some time with Megumi.
We promised to see each other again,
so I need to ask you for her phone number…
Are you even listening?
Look!
There's something…
unusual about him.
He's not an ordinary guy!
Are you Hayashiyate Kotora?
Hello! My name is Donta,
not to be mistaken with Don Tacos.
It's Don!
One, two, Sheila E.
It's so nice and quiet here.
Like Den-en-chofu.
Well then…
Here in the rakugo group,
we have an odd pupil named Kotora.
Let me be your pupil!
He's actually a yakuza,
but he decided to work
as an apprentice under Master Donbei.
What the hell do you know about my life?
He's a man
with a bit of a complicated past…
But men are quite simple.
When they see a hot woman,
they turn into animals!
Their brains shrink
down to the size of a T-Rex's.
If they see a hole,
they just want to stick it in!
Oh? Have we met before?
Ryuji and Toraji finally buried
the hatchet, but not for long!
And that's
where we ended the story before.
It seems I have some time left over.
Well, here's a short story!
"Mother, how are babies born?"
"You see, a stork brings them over."
"Then how are storks born?"
"Former Giants player Kono brings them."
Don, don, don! A sacrifice bunt!
Huh?
Tiger and Drag--
MANJU KOWAI EPISODE
He's so cute, I could just eat him up!
You'd be so delicious!
Hey! I'm scared because
you look like you'd really eat him!
Have you decided on a name yet?
We have Donta, Donkichi, Dontsuku,
Donburi. What was your name again?
It's Udon, sir!
How silly!
Well, you can be Ten-don!
He's already planning
to make him a rakugoka!
You'll be the 3rd generation
to take over the family business.
Right, Donta?
Donta?
Ryu-chan, Father wants
to know what we'll name him.
Oh!
You better hurry,
or they'll name him Ten-don.
That's fine.
No, it's not! Hold on a second!
Master! You can't!
POLL FOR WOMEN
CELEBRITY YOU WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH
#1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
He took Degawa's spot.
Master! We didn't decide
if Taro will become a storyteller yet!
Taro? That's such an ordinary name.
We thought too hard,
so it ended up being normal.
At one point,
we thought of naming him Mozart!
Sayuri-chan,
there has been so much good news.
A new grandchild,
Donkichi being promoted to headliner…
What?
Last night, we received
a call from the association.
They're going to promote Donkichi.
I see.
-That was unexpected…
-I'm sorry.
Not at all!
Become a headliner or anything you wish!
When will it be announced?
I'll open for you.
Dear…
With a chubby Woody Allen headlining,
we wouldn't be able to fill the theater!
I, the prince of rakugo,
will liven things up!
Did you hear?
Donta's doing rakugo. Amazing.
Yo!
I heard you've got a new boyfriend.
To tell you the truth,
I'm the one spreading it.
How nice! I should dress up
and find myself a girl, too!
Hey!
Whoa! I thought they were mannequins!
Why the hell are you mad?
I'm not mad.
You are.
I'm mad because you keep
saying I'm mad when I'm not!
So you are mad!
I'm not mad!
Calm down, guys!
Both of you seem plenty mad to me.
Come here, Chibi.
What?
You took my Megumi-chan?
Oh! You're mad about Megumi?
You just realized that? And I'm not mad!
Nothing's going on between us.
You haven't done it yet?
We already did it twice.
He never asked how many times!
Just a moment.
Hello? Torachi?
I'm at the Tokyo Tower right now for work!
Yup! I'm on my break.
Want to have dinner later tonight?
Hey! Quit calling me
over stupid stuff like that!
Huh? What's your problem?
What? Don't act like you're my girlfriend.
All right. I'll see you later.
Where were we?
Forget it.
Are you giving up?
You're letting a guy like
this steal that girl with nice, long legs?
You're way funnier than this guy.
It doesn't matter if I'm funny.
A sense of humor is meaningless to women!
What?
You like her?
So why the hell
did you get involved with her?
Why didn't you all just do her?
A few drinks and dinner
is all you need, right?
-Don't talk and just do.
-Say something!
I can't…
Our brains work differently,
so I don't know what to say.
Did I do something wrong?
Sorry. I won't do it anymore
if you love Megumi--
I told you I don't love her.
When did I ever say that?
It's pretty obvious!
I'd tell you if I really love her!
Just leave me alone!
Hey!
-What're you doing here?
-Why did you come here?
Hey! Wait a minute!
It's been a while, right?
It's good for brothers
to chat once in a while.
If you feel uncomfortable,
Kotora and I will help.
I'm going.
-What?
-I still have my yakuza duties.
See you guys later.
Sit down.
All right.
-Good evening!
-Hey!
Hey Ginjiro,
what's Hyuga been up to lately?
What?
He hasn't been in the office
and isn't picking up his phone.
You didn't hear?
What?
He got married.
And she's only 18!
Only graduated high school in the Spring.
It's a crime if you ask me!
Jun-kun…
Wasn't he dating your older sister?
He was. Pops was set on
the idea of them getting married.
I know it's weird for me to say it,
but she's not that great, you know?
I don't approve of this, Hyuga!
You hurt my precious Shizuka-chan!
I'm so sorry, sir.
If you're sorry, why the hell
would you do something like this?
Is this how you repay me?
By making her cry?
She's been bar-hopping
around Roppongi ever since high school…
so this doesn't faze her,
but Pops is really pissed.
He'll probably call tomorrow.
It's your dad…
I know it's not exactly
the adult thing to do,
but it's our duty as yakuza to go
all the way in a situation like this.
If not, how can I live
up to my reputation?
Do you really have to live
up to this reputation of yours?
Of course!
I see.
So what should I do?
Make something "happen"
at Hyuga's wedding party.
What?
What?
That's a bit petty…
Why don't we just threaten his wife?
Idiot!
I would never
do something like that to Hyuga!
Come on! We'll just teach him a lesson.
Then, Shizuka-chan
will feel better! Right?
I'll feel a lot better!
Tora,
I'm counting on you.
Donkichi's going to be a headliner.
I see…
Is that why you're all depressed?
Don't be stupid! He's turning
40 this year. It's about time.
Donkichi was a station
master till he was 30, right?
Promotion to headliner
in ten years is commendable.
Don…
Don't get down over every little thing!
There's more to rakugo
than going on stage.
Yeah. You can continue doing
rakugo, no matter how old you get.
You should keep making your TV--
That's what made me the number one man
you wouldn't sleep with.
I have to try harder.
I'm a father of two.
I'll try harder. I can do it!
And what about you?
You're in no position
to sit there and drink.
Me?
Yes, you!
Because of your stupid store,
Dad's in debt.
And that's why no women
want to sleep with me.
Make women want me!
Make women with long legs want me!
Wiggle wiggle.
That's more like you now…
Don! Don! Wiggle wiggle!
Wiggle, wiggle, pitter-patter.
Don-chan, you know…
-What?
-You know…
Oh, right!
Pull yourself together, dear!
Right, right…
Donkichi over here
has finally become a headliner.
Yay! That's great!
Shut up. You're too loud.
Okay?
He'll be the first ever
headliner at Hayashiyate.
We'll announce this to the public soon,
so we need to put together a program.
Is Tora-chan going to perform?
Nope. Only those above the 2nd rank.
Who are you?
I am Megumi!
She's Megumi!
So who are you?
I'll just kick her out. Leave.
What are you doing? Why can't she stay?
How long are your legs?
Are they longer than 80 cm?
They are, right?
Never mind that
Never mind that, Tora-chan.
You have to memorize a new story.
I still have that debt to pay back.
3,8 million yen left.
I know! We should try "Manju Kowai."
I don't like scary stories!
Is this story really that scary?
It's an opening act story,
but with the right skills,
it'll cause a roar of laughter.
I'll be telling it today,
so why don't you come by and watch?
Come and watch.
A roar of laughter?
You can still catch Donta's story.
Torapyon, this ningyo-yaki is really good!
Hey, shut up for a second.
Thank you all for coming.
I'm very honored to be here.
-People from Edo are rather impatient.
-Oh, he's telling "Manju Kowai" today!
"It's so nice to soak in the bath!"
"Oh? You're in the bath already?
But sir, isn't the water a bit cold?"
"What do you mean?
I think the temperature's perfect!"
"Is that so, sir?
We haven't heated the baths yet."
The joke hasn't even started yet.
"Come on in! Today we're just gonna sit
around and chat for awhile. Come on in!"
Then let's get some sashimi
here and have a few drinks.
That's what a rich person would say!
All we need is some hot tea.
Hot tea?
What took you so long?
I was scared out of my mind!
What?
I was taking a shortcut when I came
across a big blue-green snake!
It was sticking its tongue out
and staring at me!
I was so scared, I thought
he was going to swallow me whole!
It's nothing to laugh so loud about.
Everyone is afraid of something.
It could be for no reason.
I just can't stand the sight of a slug!
-What about you, Kicchan?
-For me… it would be a frog.
I'm afraid of spiders!
I hate being broke.
You're always broke, anyway!
I don't like ants.
I hate horses…
Wow, you're all afraid
of the weirdest things.
Hey Matsu, what are you afraid of?
Shut up!
It's nothing to get angry about!
Everyone gathered here today…
I can't listen
to this stupidity any longer.
You're afraid of snakes?
Just give it a little squeeze
and make a headband out of it!
Afraid of spiders? I could just
throw a few in my natto and eat them!
The webs would make it stickier.
Afraid of ants? I'd just eat them
like sesame seeds on top of rice!
They'd be all over
the place and difficult to eat.
Whether it's a horse or spiders,
I'd eat it no matter how many legs it has.
Then Matsu, you'd eat
this table right here, too?
"Yeah, I don't see why I couldn't. But I
don't eat things that could hurt me."
I don't get it. Why was that funny?
How the hell would I know?
"So you don't fear anything?"
"Nope!"
"Really?"
"How many times do you I have tell you?
Oh, I just remembered one thing.
I'm afraid of just one thing!"
"Oh you are? What is it?"
"I'm not telling you!"
"Why not?"
"No, you'll laugh at me."
"No I won't! Come on!"
"All right, I'll tell you then.
I'm scared of manju…"
See! You're all laughing!
Manju? That food
with sweet red beans inside?
Stop! Stop!
Don't say that!
Now I have the shivers!
I'm gonna lie down for a bit.
I'm so scared of manju!
Isn't that weird? He's scared of manju!
Why don't we play a little trick on him?
Yeah! I've always had
a bone to pick with him!
He always teases me
about my appearance! What's the plan?
Buy a whole bunch of manju
and put them all around his pillow!
He gets so scared just talking about it.
Imagine if he actually saw a real manju!
He'd die of shock!
It would be death by manju!
Let's play a little game.
There's one manju here that
contains wasabi horseradish!
Wait a minute! Nobody told me about this!
"Hey Matsu! Wake up, Matsu!"
"What is it? I was sleeping so soundly!
What's wrong?
Oh! It's manju! I'm so scared!"
"I'm so scared!"
It's spicy!
Spicy! Spicy!
"Oh no! Look at all these different
kinds of manju! I'm so scared!"
It's so spicy!
"It's chestnut manju! So scary!"
Spicy!
"Soba manju.
It's soba manju! Soba manju,
the scariest manju in the world."
So spicy!
"Soba manju."
Ah! Spicy!
"Hey. He keeps saying he's scared,
but he keeps on eating them!
I think he tricked us."
"Hey Matsu! What is it that you're
really most afraid of in this world?"
"Right now, I'm most afraid
of a nice strong cup of tea."
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Good work everyone!
MOST HATED CELEBRITY
CELEBRITY YOU WOULDN'T WANT AS A
BOYFRIEND: #1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
CELEBRITY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
WORK WITH: #2 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
CELEBRITY YOU THINK WILL DISAPPEAR
AFTER THIS YEAR: #1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
CELEBRITY YOU WANT TO SEE GONE:
#1 HAYASHIYATE DONTA
THE MOST HATED CELEBRITY RUNS
AWAY WITH THE TOP TITLE!
Hello! This is Yamazaki's cellphone!
He's unable to answer so I, Megumi--
Don't answer my phone!
Hello?
Sorry to interrupt your afternoon
drive with your little "sex friend."
What the hell are you talking about?
Do you have any plans for tonight?
All right. I'll meet you
at the fish cake cart at 10 p.m.
Wait, wait!
You better come alone!
Fish cakes! Fish cakes!
Fish cakes at 10 p.m.!
Okay.
I want fish cakes. Okay, Torajiro?
Whatever is fine.
Just decide on one name to call me?
It's been bothering me for a while.
After you left, my brother got depressed
and has been bland on TV these days.
Really? He seems the same to me.
He's going to be the opening act
for Donkichi's show soon.
That's not good.
It's not?
He's good when he practices,
but falls apart when on stage.
He can't handle pressure.
But they love him on TV.
Those are spur-of-the-moment gags,
he's actually on the verge of a breakdown.
He's really pessimistic.
Things improved since he got married.
-His wife used to be more famous than him.
-Famous?
You didn't know?
-She used to be an enka singer.
-What?
Here.
-"Crying on Asakusa Kokusai Street 2."
-Part two was more popular than the first.
His father's a top comedian,
his brother's a genius rakugoka,
and his wife was a famous singer.
No wonder his stress is building up.
Did you finish practicing?
Stop it…
Why not? I had to wait for half a year!
No! It'll wake up Saya,
and I still have to feed Taro.
I get it. You don't want
to sleep with the most hated celebrity.
-What?
-I get it.
You don't want to sleep
with a man no one wants to sleep with.
And no one wants to sleep
with a woman who slept with such a man.
In other words, the only man
who would sleep with that woman…
Is the man that no one
wants to sleep with.
What are you talking about?
I don't know…
I really don't know anymore. Damn.
Ryu-chan, you should rest.
You have seven shows right now.
You're in too many programs.
Why don't you reduce them?
Tsuru-chan…
I got a call from my old producer.
He asked me
if I wanted to make a comeback.
Of course, I can't do it immediately,
but since Mother has agreed
to look after the children…
You know?
I'm going to bed.
Hey!
Ryu-chan!
Can I move on to the main issue?
Then what was all this talk up till now?
An introduction?
Maybe I…
I really like…
I mean,
I told you I'd tell you
when I really liked someone, right?
I've been thinking about it,
and I think…
I've really fallen in love.
Why are you telling me all this?
Oh, wait.
Do you like Megumi?
You scared me. I thought it was me!
-Are you crazy?
-Then don't tell me. Tell her!
Why is she here? I told you to come alone!
I had no choice!
She wouldn't budge! I'll get her.
No! Don't!
She's waiting in the car
just because you told her so.
I don't stand a chance.
"I'll be waiting at the office - Hyuga"
Why's he texting like a chick?
I have to go.
What?
Watch my car.
Just watch it.
Nice to meet you!
We've met before!
Sorry. Your face isn't very memorable,
so it didn't leave an impression.
Come over here and say that again.
Don't try to hide it.
What did the boss tell you to do?
Well…
at the wedding party…
Cause an uproar?
Not an uproar.
Just a "happening."
How petty of him.
So what's the plan?
Plan?
But I can't betray you.
You're the one who took me in.
But if you side with me,
the boss will lose face.
So it's about saving face.
Her parents are very strict people!
It took me, a 100% yakuza,
six months to persuade them!
I did it because I wanted
to choose my life partner myself!
Hey, Tora!
Yes, sir!
Look at me!
Don't you have a good plan?
A good plan?
I want daikon, a boiled egg,
and a chikuwabu fish cake!
Daikon, boiled egg, and chikuwabu?
What about hanpen fish cake?
That, too!
What do you want,
juicy hanpen or puffy hanpen!
Puffy hanpen!
Just get out of the car!
-But it's cold.
-Aren't you from Aomori?
It's so cold!
She's like a king crab!
-Are you drunk?
-No, I'm not!
Maybe I am!
Why don't you sit down?
She's too tall for me.
I don't think I can win.
ODEN
It's so cold!
It'll get warmer
after you drink and eat a bit.
Do you think Tora-volta
will get jealous if he sees us?
So you call him Tora-volta?
I don't.
Let's eat!
Am I…
that unmemorable?
Huh?
I'd rather be hated than be forgotten.
I'm the younger brother of the celebrity
no one wants to sleep with, after all.
Sorry!
Let me tell you, it takes me
a while before I get to the point.
Remember when you dissed
my clothes at Shibuya?
I was so pissed off, I hunted you down.
Since I was among all these other guys,
my face wouldn't have made an impression.
But if I had zero feelings for you,
I wouldn't have gone through all that.
Oh! That's right!
Look.
I haven't…
gotten rid of it yet.
Not that I have
the money to get rid of it anyway,
but I just couldn't give you up,
as if I left a story unfinished…
Sorry, you probably wouldn't understand.
Well…
Well…
Ryuji?
Right, Ryuji.
You must be very kind-hearted.
Really?
You know, girls like me who are
from the countryside are…
-Um…
-Ryuji.
We're attracted
to kind men like you, Ryuji.
However, we're also
attracted to cold men like Torachi.
Even though…
-Um…
-Ryuji!
Though we should go out
with guys like you, Ryuji.
Well…
It's Ryuji! You're doing that on purpose!
You're really good at criticizing.
That's not really a compliment!
Can I say something mind-blowing?
Huh?
Tora-chan and Ryuji.
You are "Tiger and Dragon"!
Yeah.
That's why you get along so well!
See? Aren't I awesome?
Yeah, you are.
I know you're awesome, so please shut up!
Shut up and listen to what I have to say!
Yes, sir.
Did I fall asleep?
-Stay asleep!
-I had a dream that I peed my pants.
Oh no! I did pee!
I'm going home now.
I have to go to work early.
I had fun!
I had fun too.
Let's drink together again.
Okay.
Your number…
Get it from Tora-chan!
How can I, you fool?
DONKICHI
Hayashiyate Donkichi
has become a headliner!
-It's his first show!
-Why are you in such low spirits?
Move.
This is an important show!
Where did Donta go?
-Maybe he ran away.
-He looks down on us.
He's a TV celebrity, after all.
Why, welcome, everyone.
You know what?
None of my pupils would ever
do something like run away before a show.
No matter how bad they are,
I've taught them to be responsible
and do their very best on stage!
Calm down, master!
Calm down?
This is your first headlining show!
Don't tell me to calm down!
My nose is bleeding.
Donta's missing. He's the opening act,
but he still hasn't shown up.
Do you have any idea
where he might be hiding?
DONTA
Five minutes left! Udon, strike the drum!
Yes, sir.
It's the drum for the first act!
Who'll go on stage?
I will!
No, idiot! Stop!
-Idiot?
-Forgive me. It's my fault.
I've memorized about 80%…
Well, 60% of "Manju Kowai."
Wait. 60%? Only 60%? Let's not do this.
-Why not?
-Let's not do this.
I'll go up.
No! If you go first,
who will do the finale?
I'll go.
Tsuruko?
Tsuru-chan?
Goodness, it's Sensouji Tsuruko!
Tsuru-chan!
They love her!
Let's go!
I went to Senso-ji to look for you
Took the aquatic bus to the Sumida River
From Azuma Bridge to Kappa Bridge
KAPPA BRIDGE STREE
From Rokku Nakamise to Hanayashiki…
Donta!
HANAYASHIKI
My dear, my dear, my Donta
My dear, my dear, my Donta
Did you find him?
No. I looked all over Asakusa,
but I couldn't find him.
There's only one more
place I can think of.
-Where?
-Right there.
Crying and looking for you,
all over Kokusai-dori
Bro…
What're you going to do?
You nearly ruined
Donkichi's first headline!
You should be expelled
for your ludicrous antics today.
Maybe this career doesn't suit you.
-Maybe you should stick to TV work.
-Wait a minute!
-In his heart, he wants to do rakugo.
-You've left, so stay out of it!
Are you going to kick him out
like you did to me?
Ryuhei is not like you!
He has a wife and two kids.
That's exactly
why you shouldn't expel him!
You can do classic rakugo
when you're older.
You think it's so easy?
You've got to be kidding!
What do you think rakugo is? You think
it's so easy to start when you're old?
I performed classic rakugo
ever since I was young.
Has my life been a waste of time?
Ridiculous!
Don't talk big because you're young!
What you're doing
is just finding an easy way out of things!
Making clothes, starring on TV…
you're just wasting your lives away!
You have no experience, yet you think
you can do it when you are older?
Who said I wanted to do rakugo?
Who wants that crap anyway,
you stupid old man!
Nobody's going
to follow in your footsteps!
As long as you keep being so arrogant,
no one will inherit your rakugo name!
Watch how you talk to your father,
you punk!
I don't even know if you're
my father or my teacher! Damn it!
-What was that for?
-Stop it.
This is my problem.
The angrier you get,
the harder it is for me to take.
Honey…
Please forgive me for what I did today.
Tsuruko, Donkichi, I'm terribly sorry.
But…
But please, give me
some time to think about my future.
And…
Mother's crying.
What?
Oh.
I'm so sorry, Sayuri-chan.
I keep telling you not to make her cry!
You're not crying because of me, right?
I'm asking you if it's because of me!
Hey, Ryuji!
That was pretty awful.
Sorry you had to see that.
No.
It wasn't awful at all.
You're probably going
to criticize me for being too blunt again.
But there's something great
about parents and kids.
You really are blunt.
Rakugo is interesting,
but so is the family dynamic.
I have experience
in neither rakugo nor family,
so I'm learning all about it
from your old man.
So, Ryuji…
What?
Come back again,
and show me a whole
bunch of this kind of stuff.
I'll never have a chance against you.
What do you mean?
It's what Megumi said.
What?
She said that you and I are
a tiger and--
-Hello?
-Why get it now?
What will you do, Tora?
-The wedding party's next week.
-I know.
It's what the boss has been telling me.
Maybe I should postpone it.
-What?
-No, you should stick to the schedule.
I'll try to get my dad to calm down.
No, I can't impose upon you guys.
What are you doing?
This…
Tiger, tiger, jirettaiga!
Well, Edo natives…
He's telling "Manju Kowai."
Yes.
I'm going to tell "Manju Kowai."
Around the Shinjuku, Kabuki-cho area,
there once was a yakuza lieutenant
who was both attractive and smart.
One day, however, he decided
to wed a very young woman,
which caused a big problem.
The lieutenant had been in
a relationship with his boss's daughter.
The boss wanted to teach a lesson
to the yakuza who abandoned his daughter,
so he thought very hard,
to come up with a plan.
Why is this person famous?
A HUNDRED THINGS
YOU SHOULDN'T DO AT A WEDDING
Isn't he one of the Yanaka boys?
His jokes are super lame.
Women especially hate him.
How pathetic.
Hyuga's new wife really hates him, too.
She's creeped out by him.
His face makes her want
to throw up and go into a seizure.
"Really? What great news!"
So he called in the gangsters
and cooked up a plan.
Apparently,
Hyuga's chick hates Donta.
Is that so?
Well, he is disliked across the country.
So I thought,
why not invite Donta to
the wedding party to spice things up?
What?
That would definitely cause a scene!
It'll be quite a party, don't you think?
COMPLETE MANUAL TO FINDING A JOB
A wedding party?
That's right. I'm indebted to him,
so I can't turn him down.
No problem, but are you sure they want me?
Wouldn't Donkichi be better?
No! It's got to be you!
It has to be you!
This entertainer…
His name is Anrakutei Bonta,
and he was famous
for being disliked all around Edo,
Although being so disliked
shows how famous is.
Still, he had his worries.
So he went to his younger brother,
the shopkeeper Ryu, to get help.
Can you teach me rakugo?
Seriously?
Yeah, teach me a classy one.
Please!
By now, some of you may
have guessed how the story will go.
What? Donta's here?
He's here!
I want to take a picture with him!
She was what you would call a "maniac."
When you see Donta,
you have to pretend to hate him.
Why? It doesn't make sense!
-Because…
-He's a total masochist!
Masochist?
The meaner you treat him,
the funnier his performance will be!
What the heck?
Wait!
-No! Let go!
-Please.
I'll tell you the truth.
Bonta had no clue what was going on.
Toshiko! Your marriage… Don, don!
No Don-Dons!
You're supposed to tell a classy rakugo.
Something's going to happen today.
A "happening"!
Now, this is time
for a special guest performance!
He's someone you've seen on TV.
Please give a round of applause
for Mr. Hayashiyate Donta!
Donta!
Thank you, and congratulations!
No!
No!
Thank you very much!
Today, I will perform a rakugo,
something I've never done on TV…
No!
One person in the audience seems to hate…
Just go on!
A long time ago,
when this city was known as Edo…
No!
I can't hear him!
Toshiko, yell even louder!
Donta's gross!
Donta's gross!
Gross!
Gross!
Gross!
-More.
-Donta's the worst!
More!
I really hate Donta!
Strip, Donta!
Don't do it, Donta!
All right, I stripped!
Don don don! Dontagon!
Stop! Bride!
Just watch.
By now, nothing could stop Bonta.
Like a fish out of water, no…
More like water spewing from a broken dam,
he went nuts!
This is my real job!
Stop right there!
No!
No!
Is it here?
Is it here?
I'm going in!
I'm going to poke the bride in the butt!
Admiral, I have finished poking her!
Good! Now, attack the groom's crotch!
Understood!
Ready, set, dick!
Well, the fleet has fallen silent.
Don! Don! Don Chaka Khan!
This is outrageous!
Daddy, are you sure she's scared of him?
Damn!
Congratulations, congratul-titanic!
She's actually enjoying this!
What's going on here, Ginjiro?
Say something, idiot!
Well?
I get it. It's "Manju Kowai!"
Donta, you're so gross.
You're the grossest!
"How dare you trick me?"
-"What do you mean?"
-"Don't play dumb!"
"She's pretending
to hate him but is having fun!"
You.
You're Donta's fan, right?
-No way! I hate him!
-Don't lie!
Then tell me…
what else you hate!
Well,
I hate houses with gardens,
kitchens with German appliances,
and plasma TVs.
Excuse me.
I see. I'll buy them for you.
Thank you very much, sir!
I was so scared!
"I also hate cute little babies!"
"Take care of that one yourselves!"
Good job, Tora-chan! Bow-wow!
Here's your cola float!
Hey, I think you did a pretty good job.
Really? Thank you very much, sir!
-Here's this month's lesson fee.
-Okay.
There's nothing I hate more than money!
-What?
-Not really.
That Anrakutei Bonta
in your story was my Donta, wasn't it?
And that shopkeeper Ryu is…
Sorry, I can't disclose that information.
Why not?
-This month's payment.
-I was just about to…
You forgot the envelope!
I'm sorry! Can I just give it to you!
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
Apparently, nothing has changed.
Well, at least he's got more confidence.
Now the main topic…
Again?
What?
The other night,
I got to spend some time with Megumi.
We promised to see each other again,
so I need to ask you for her phone number…
Are you even listening?
Look!
There's something…
unusual about him.
He's not an ordinary guy!
Are you Hayashiyate Kotora?