Time Hustler (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit…
Halt!
I'm Captain Lampião.
We're here to plunder respectably.
If you all cooperate,
nobody will be buried with the deceased.
You're the one who's dying,
Devil's scarecrow!
Fuck, Captain, it's an ambush!
Hey, pretty lace maker
You, who makes laces
Run!
Hey, pretty lace maker
You, who makes laces
Teach me how to make laces
And I'll teach you how to love…
This one I'm sending to hell, Captain!
I'm unbreakable!
I'm Captain Lampião.
Hey, pretty lace maker
Die, pig!
Come on, gang!
You, who makes laces
Let's go to Mossoró, gang!
Let's go to Mossoró!
Captain?
-Captain!
-Where's the captain? What?
I put on my cangaceira outfit.
Wow, you're so beautiful
dressed up like that.
Thank you so much.
But come now.
There's a bunch of people outside.
Wow. Why are all these people here?
They look like
those crazy Black Friday crowds.
Didn't you say you wanted a new gang?
And that I was to help you?
Do we have to do it right now?
If not now, when?
Maybe tomorrow, or a year from now.
The people are here now, Captain.
Ready to follow you.
A cup of coffee will wake you up.
Get ready.
-Wish I could have a cappuccino.
-Jesus.
Look how many clothes I've managed to sew.
-I knew this day would come.
-You really made those all yourself?
Well, I didn't steal them.
All myself, yeah, for our gang.
-What do you think?
-You nailed it.
You didn't comment on my scarf.
It's red, right? No, more like orange.
-Yeah.
-Very pretty.
Captain,
may I ask you something
that's been bothering me?
Of course, my cactus flower.
Why do you drink coffee
from the chamber pot?
I like it in large quantities.
-Morning, gentlemen.
-Morning.
I'm honored to introduce you
to your future boss,
Captain Lampião, the King of Sertão.
-Have them applaud me.
-A round of applause!
Act like The Rock.
Now like Van Damme!
Show me your teeth.
No laughing!
Good.
Act like Stallone.
Stallone in church.
Careful now!
I like being the boss.
I could get used to people
following my orders.
Sorry?
How did you manage
to spread the word so quickly?
I only told Zulmira, the town gossip.
She did what she does best,
she got the word out.
That's what I call good marketing.
No, it was just gossip, Captain.
Now that's one big gossiper.
-Will you do any kind of recruitment test?
-Even better.
I'm gonna hold a casting call!
A NETFLIX SERIES
If you want some cane sugar,
it's in the back.
I can't offer you water,
because of the drought and all.
The little I had was a bit muddy.
How's the heat?
It's all right.
But I don't recognize
the route you're using
to take us to school.
Mariá's house is that way.
The shortcut through Mariá of Toinho's
is jam-packed with people
who want to join Lampião's new gang.
I even heard she joined Captain
and became a cangaceira as well.
A new gang?
A cangaceira?
That's it.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yes. The sea must taste like crackers.
-What?
-Amália, listen to me.
They're called sea salt crackers.
So if they taste like the sea,
the sea must taste great.
I should give you a taste of my hand.
Can't you see?
If Mariá's a cangaceira,
and Lampião's building a new gang,
we could be part of that too.
We need an unorthodox plan.
Another ox? Why do we need that?
To get there in time
to join the gang, Amélia.
If we're two leagues from Mariá's place,
it'll take an hour to get there.
For the mule to go faster,
we gotta get rid of the extra weight.
Oh, I see. Weight.
You dropped your book.
Uh-huh.
It's okay, I'll get it.
Great plan, Amélia.
Why didn't I think of that?
It's time for us to become cangaceiras!
Mighty is an old mule.
He doesn't go over half a league per hour.
Right, my boy?
MARIÁ - MASTER - ESCANDALOSA
LAMPIMASTERS
Ms. Escandalosa,
you're here to help us choose the best.
If there's one person
who knows the local men, it's you.
A man is like a new chair,
you gotta sit on it at least once
before taking it home.
So you're going to be our harshest judge.
Who's first?
Chico the Whip,
the fastest lash in the Sertão.
I strike fear into the heart of Satan.
At your service, Captain.
He seems skilled, Captain.
He looks like a brave warrior.
And he has a way with words.
I heard from my girls
that his best whip is his tongue.
Well, show us, then.
What can you do with that whip?
He's really good.
-You're in!
-You're out.
Why?
Because I don't trust
flexible weapons. Next.
-That's BBB.
-BBB? Does he have a stutter?
No, it's because
just one slash from his knife
is enough to cut
a man's beard, belly, and balls.
-This guy seems dangerous.
-And his weapon's firm.
And large!
He'd be perfect for our gang. Right?
No. We can't trust him.
How can we sleep
with a Ginsu knife endorser among us?
I heard married women sleep just fine.
We can't trust a guy
who sleeps with married women. Next!
-What's your name?
-Old Trebuchet, Captain.
-What's your skill?
-I can take all sorts of pain.
Can you watch cable news for hours on end?
This one can't last five minutes
in my brothel.
That's a lie!
-I wanna see if you really can take pain.
-Yeah. We demand proof!
-Let the captain slap you in the face.
-Well, no need to go that far.
Come on, hit me. Slap my face.
-Ouch!
-It hurt, Captain?
Gotcha! Everybody heard
you said that it hurt. You admit it!
-I was just asking.
-And I'm asserting.
You're out. Next!
-What can you do?
-I skin men alive.
No good. Out!
-Next!
-I kill and skin jaguars.
-That sucks. Out!
-I sniff out traitors.
-No!
-I hit pigs on the head.
Sucks!
-I can cut through stone.
-Come on, get outta here.
-This one's good.
-Out with you.
No.
Move!
Jesus Christ, so lame.
Let go, man.
We're going to Mariá's place.
What for?
Amélia and I want to join Lampião's gang.
What a load of nonsense.
You really think women can be cangaceiras?
I do.
News of Lampião's recruitment
has reached Cerro Velho.
I came all this way to join him.
If the beautiful Mariá joined him,
we can do it too.
See that? Another one.
We wish we could go,
but this old mule can't handle the trip.
We need a plan B, and soon.
I have a plan B. Is there a problem?
Not at all.
I was just telling them
how amazing female cangaceiras are.
Then let's get moving.
We won't need this mule to move quickly.
Or this one. Beat it!
Did you know
that sparrows and hummingbirds
are both birds…
Here's the mystery man.
…but they never fly together,
for they are not alike?
Really?
Trying to copy Saint Francis of Assisi
and his fondness for birds?
I knew you wouldn't be able
to walk among cangaceiros.
You're such a wimp!
I'm gonna show you, Father.
He who laughs last is as dumb as a rock.
I'm laughing first because I know
I will be a success in the cangaço.
-Careful, Virguley.
-Not "Virguley"!
"Virgulino."
Taking me for a fool?
Do you think Virgulino
would have dismissed good fighters
because he's afraid of them like you did?
-Begone, spirit.
-Captain?
Captain, forgive me for saying this,
but you need to be less demanding.
The men who are left
aren't fit for the cangaço.
That's right.
They're my equals, my "homies."
-What homes?
-We're an equal opportunity employer.
I'll follow your advice
and be less demanding.
I'll give those goofballs a chance.
I was once like them.
My goodness.
Was that my advice?
We have a blind, a mute,
a shorty, and a blockhead.
If they become cangaceiros,
they're as good as dead.
See this stigma?
Just because they're different
doesn't mean they're as good as dead.
I'm a natural-born killer.
I'll kill you too if I have to.
You're a real killer all right. Of beauty!
Only a blind man could find you handsome.
Respect the blind and the ugly, scumbag!
Shut up!
Enough!
I agree with Captain
that they're fit for many things.
See?
But not to be cangaceiros.
How will you know
if we don't give them a chance?
You there. Tell me who you are.
Did anyone understand that?
He says he can talk a blue streak
if you want him to.
Says he's the best storyteller around.
I can confirm, I've seen it.
Wow, I've never seen a talkative mute
or a blind man who knows gibberish before.
My eyes might be blind,
but my ears can hear every whisper.
And my nose can tell the number of days
a man's gone without a shower.
-You, Captain, for instance--
-No need to continue!
-How about you?
-I'm always aware of my surroundings.
If you need me,
ask for the greatest warrior in Sertão!
They say size doesn't matter,
but width sure does.
And he took that to heart.
Show some respect!
Or else I'll drop-kick your liver,
your chest, and even your throat!
-And then your--
-Relax, Mr. Grumpy.
Too much stress is bad for you.
Get back in line.
You with the long face, can you shoot?
No, I can't. Why do you ask? So nosy.
Why would a man try to join Lampião's gang
if he can't shoot?
Do I have to be a calf
to drink cow's milk?
Show Captain some respect, smarty-pants.
He acts all tough,
but back at my brothel,
all it takes is a soft touch
to turn him into the sweetest of men.
We do need a boneheaded brute
to shake off any jinxes,
evil eyes, ill omens,
sinister predictions, the whole shebang.
-You liked the rhyme?
-Good one. It flowed well.
Captain is a poet!
-What did he say?
-That he's all bark and no bite.
At least they have good aim.
These are the men I choose.
Are you sure, Captain?
The only thing I'm sure of
is that I'm in debt.
I think my gang is complete.
The blind man shall be named Waze.
He sees what others can't see
with their eyes.
He shall be our best guide.
The blabbering mute shall be named Wordy.
The short man is always watchful
and ready for action.
You shall be called Mock-Up Guard.
Which is great. He won't use up
too much water in the shower.
And the closed-off man
shall be named Lockdown.
No one gets close to him.
And our guns, Captain?
I wanna shoot some pigs.
Did you forget about the training period?
You only get guns
after you've become permanent members.
Now I understand what Captain did.
Tell me, 'cause I don't know.
You're giving opportunity
to the downtrodden.
You're gonna train them
so that they're well-prepared
to fight against injustice.
That's it. A more inclusive
and peaceful cangaço.
Peace and love.
We must give equal opportunity
to everyone.
If that's how it is, Captain,
then give opportunity to women too.
But, Mariá Bonita, my dear,
there were no women
in the cangaço back then.
Back then when?
Back then?
I meant I'll back them up
if women try to join the cangaço.
Here we are.
These are the Colonel's daughters.
If he finds out, he'll skin me alive.
I doubt it, Captain.
He is terrified of you.
Did you forget?
You've got him on a tight leash.
You're right.
Why do you want to join the cangaço?
We want a better future, Captain. Freedom.
Around here,
women are forced to marry stinky men.
Yeah. We wanna get married.
No, Amélia.
That's what we don't want, remember?
We wanna join the cangaço, dummy.
And we have the skills for it.
I'm always concocting crazy schemes.
I can read and write,
and know most multiplication tables.
-Those are tough.
-And I know multiplication tables up to…
to…
-to one!
-That's even tougher.
And I'm stronger and braver than most men.
I could stick my hand in a wasp's nest.
If you allow me, Captain,
they'd be great assets to our army.
You're right. Welcome to the cangaço.
You, who came pulling the carriage,
I shall name you Bumper Block.
Or Bumper to close friends.
And you, know-it-all lady,
I shall name you Motherboard.
What name do you want?
I'll be…
You'll be Miss Delay!
You're very welcome.
We're in the cangaço!
And if you thought our gang
only had ugly people,
screw-ups, and fuck-ups,
I've got something to tell you.
You're right.
-Cheers to Captain!
-Hooray!
That's not necessary.
But it doesn't mean you have to stop.
We should take a photograph.
Agreed.
In 4K.
The coachman came back
saying he couldn't take them to school.
And why exactly is that?
-They ran away.
-Where to?
To the cangaço, to become cangaceiras.
-And have a life of liberty.
-A life of what?
A life of depravity, Papa.
I never thought
they'd do such a terrible thing to you.
They've dishonored me. This is an outrage!
I envy them.
You should send
one of your men after them.
-Don't do this, Amaro. Let me go.
-I agree. You go, Amaro.
-Me?
-Yes, you, Amaro.
No, Papa.
I'm always stealing from church.
-Send Rufino.
-Go, Rufino.
-This is a family matter. I'm not going.
-Enough, you cowards!
I'm gonna have to fix this myself.
Lampião has humiliated me.
But taking my daughters?
He's gone too far.
I'm sending you both.
Go rescue them right now.
-What are you waiting for? Go on!
-Let's go, Rufino.
Good thing you had
all these stylish clothes lying around.
I love the colors on mine.
With this picture of the captain,
Padre Cícero
is bound to come to the festival.
-I highly doubt it.
-Brother Menino's always hopeful.
So, the real Padre Cícero is coming?
Attention. This is the last plate,
and it's for the newspaper.
After this picture,
we'd better find somewhere to hide.
Leave it to me.
This could be a trap.
You know, that thingamajig
could actually be a pig's machine gun.
It is a gun, Captain!
Right foot. Stop.
Captain!
I know it was my idea
to hide at Gia's Hole,
but there's no need
to punish us like this.
We cangaceiros must leave inverted tracks.
People coming this way
will think those who came were leaving.
But we're actually coming, not leaving.
That's why we're walking backwards,
just like the late Michael Jackson.
Oh, my heels!
Move it, men.
We're still a long way from Mossoró.
Off you go.
WEE-WEE
Out of the way.
Will somebody help him?
As the boss, I'll stick to supervision.
Let somebody else help him.
You do it, Bumper.
I don't need help, Bumper.
Can no one here set up a tent?
-The tent is mine, I'll set it up.
-Give me that.
You won't let go?
-Come on.
-Let go of my stick!
-Let go!
-Put me down and it's yours.
Lockdown, are you setting up our tents
with these branches?
"Lockdown."
No, I'm piling up these branches
to make a greasy pole.
Ignorant fool.
I guess we'll sleep out in the open,
under the stars.
Guys, we were supposed to work together
in order to finish this quickly!
That's right.
Around here,
we help each other instead of complaining.
Lockdown, hold that thing properly.
You there, help with the fabric.
Where's Bumper?
Move, people!
Jesus Christ.
-Out of the way, Lockdown.
-Where is it? Where?
-He says it looks like a castle.
-Oh, it's a tent.
-I thought it was a mosquito net.
-This is why we should work together.
By working together, we get stronger.
Freeze.
Freeze!
Take whoever, just don't hurt me!
Amaro, what are you doing here?
Oh, my dearies!
Amaro, I thought
you were gonna kill Captain.
It takes more than a gun to kill Lampião.
Is that so?
It takes two guns. Now I'm done for.
No one needs to get hurt.
Just let the colonel's daughters go.
No one's keeping them here.
They're adults. The door's open.
Do you wanna leave, girls?
-No.
-No.
These girls are comedians. They're joking.
Tell the colonel
I'll take them to him later.
They're going now!
Whether you want it or not!
-You're always in such a hurry.
-Come this way, girls.
Come, let's go.
She's not going.
Oh, but she is.
Yes, she's going.
No, she's not.
Okay, that's enough!
Again!
-Won't you do anything, Captain?
-It's not my place.
This is a family matter.
My place is in my hammock.
What is this, Rufino?
Lower the gun.
Let's talk like civilized people.
I'm just following Colonel's orders.
I have to take his daughters back.
Don't leave me alone with that villain.
I can't live without you.
Then stay here with us.
-Here?
-Yeah.
No!
Papa would never let me.
Then do what we did, dummy. Run away.
He doesn't need to run away.
He's already here.
Amaro, you've always been different.
Delicate.
A romantic.
You're not horrible like your father.
Why don't you stay with us?
Here, you can be whatever you want.
Amaro.
-No!
-No.
It won't work. I can't possibly be myself.
That's a great lie that's been fed to you.
But it's not true, okay?
Look around you.
Anything's possible here. Right, Captain?
We can even do nothing, then rest.
Don't fall for that nonsense, Amaro.
These snakes
are using their rattle to trick you.
Captain,
if it's true that we can do anything here,
could I wear my sisters' clothes?
Mix them up with mine?
Amaro!
He's always liked
trying out the clothes I sewed you.
You wanna dress up as a woman now?
Stop being so closed-minded.
-What if the kid wants to be gender-fluid?
-Gender-what?
Gender-fluid means
you can be a man or a woman.
Or neither of those.
Maybe Bonnie, maybe Clyde.
Be one, then the other.
You can be everything and nothing.
Whatever you want. You can even be a rock.
Just be happy!
Come. You'll see.
-Coming from Captain, this must be good.
-Suck-up.
That's so dopey.
I have the pleasure
to reintroduce to everyone gathered here
our dear and brave friend.
A round of applause for Amare!
Do you like it?
-You look like a peacock.
-They're no peacock. They're Amare.
-And they're lovely.
-It's the end times, Mariá.
Can't you see what Lampião's doing?
Soon he'll have you
cutting your hair and wearing pants.
And what if I want to?
What's wrong with that?
The choice, Rufino, is mine.
And I choose to be free.
You can be free too.
Why don't you join the gang?
The gang?
Negative!
We're full up for this season.
Maybe the next one, if you're lucky.
This man has bewitched you.
He's bewitched all of you.
-Begone, wizard!
-I'm not leaving the cangaço.
Go back to your Colonel and tell him
his children choose to stay here.
As do I.
And if he complains,
Lampião will do him in.
Feel free to edit that statement.
No need to show as much anger.
Make it sound a little more polite,
with just a hint of uncertainty.
Tell him what I've told you!
What do you mean they're not coming back?
Did my son really choose to stay,
and dressed like a peacock?
-He was very colorful.
-Colorful?
What's worse,
they even tricked Mariá, Colonel.
We have to do something to get them back.
That's exactly what I sent you to do,
you numbskull!
I still don't understand
why you haven't done as you were told.
I'm sorry to tell you this,
but Lampião said you wouldn't do anything
because you're a coward.
-A coward?
-A giant chicken.
A weenie.
As gutless as they come,
with a spine as soft as a jellyfish.
He said that?
He did, sir.
He had the guts to say
that you were such a weakling
that you look like
a constipated lizard trying to shit.
And you did nothing, you worthless fool?
It wasn't in my power
to do anything, Colonel.
I should castrate him for what he said.
But those weren't your orders.
Castration is not enough.
He should be killed.
Are you gonna kill him?
Hey, pretty lace maker
Hey, make me a pretty lace…
It brings me joy seeing them happy.
I'm filled with joy too.
I know it isn't
the gang of your dreams, but…
What? It's so much better.
You're the best person I've ever met.
Teach me how to make laces
And I'll teach you how to love…
Excuse me.
Go on.
What the hell? Stop doing that.
-And posing like The Thinker.
-No, it's just heartburn.
Well, after all that coffee and tapioca.
Man, don't you even think about
falling in love.
Stop jinxing me.
Everyone thinks I'm Lampião.
-No one'll mess with me.
-And the colonel?
That vain old goat only cares about
what the townies think of him.
I doubt he'd ever try to kill me.
-Two.
-Four.
Two plus two is four. I win.
Four minus two is two. You lose.
You kill him.
Not me, Colonel.
I'll make you
an officially certified lieutenant.
You'll be in charge
of a covert squad so powerful,
Lampião will end up full of holes,
just like Swiss cheese!
I don't know about that, Colonel.
I don't know.
Lampião is so smart that, to this day,
no man has managed to kill him,
not even once.
Exactly.
If you kill him at least once,
you'll become a hero.
And Mariá will be yours forever.
And Lampião?
Lampião must be far away from here.
Especially these days,
without WhatsApp, social networks, or fax.
He won't even know I exist.
Dressing like something
out of a pirate musical will do the job.
Captain, check this out.
Halt, men!
Mossoró can wait.
We have a man to kill first.
SERTÃO TIMES
LOOMING DANGER
LAMPIÃO FORMS A NEW GANG
IN CAATINGUEIRAS
We'll camp here tonight.
Set down the provisions.
Someone's pretending to be
the King of the Cangaço.
IN MEMORY OF