Top Gear (2002) s01e03 Episode Script
Grannies Do Donuts
In tonight's show grannies doing doughnuts is the new Mini any good an ultimate force in a reasonably priced car and a bedspring, with a bike engine takes on the Zonda, around our track.
Hello.
Now we're talking tonight predominantly about style.
Problem is, that everyone in the normal world think that petrolheads like us, really, are a bit geeky, a bit nerdy that we spend all day in the loft downloading stuff of the internet.
So, with that in mind, I've ditched the jeans tonight, gone for a cargo style pant, which I've teamed with a blazer.
Nice.
And you've teamed tablecloth with a shirt, interesting.
It's stitched in, needling.
And you're wearing a tent, as usual.
I'm tucked in.
erm And it's not just our attire as well err, we've rearranged the audience tonight.
We've got the good looking ones here this guy, look at him.
Very, very fine example.
This is a male model, really Yeah, you're staying there.
You stay there, you get us a good image.
and we've put the really ugly ones over there.
The back.
Right.
Anyone with a spot.
For this guy here, can you see this guy? If you're there, the hair Yeah.
I can't make my mind up, where he is Maybe a bit further.
Robin Askwith out of the Window Cleaner films Yeah.
or Keith Emerson out of Emerson, Lake and Palmer.
Kind of a hybrid.
So, if the floor manager the guy with the microphone comes up to you two and says, "Can you move" it's cause you're ugly.
Don't be hurt.
Don't be hurt, you're ugly.
Hey Yeah, it's just it happens.
erm We've also got some car designers in.
They're over there.
Look at them, all shiny.
Yeah you're never gonna make it.
To be a car designer, you have to wear black.
You have to look like a Chechen rebel.
They look like, an Oasis tribute band.
erm Of course, we're not being helped erm, this week, the motorshow, did you see? They ran a commercial, to go to the motorshow, which we've got here.
And they basically used, a semi-naked girl.
And there were all sorts of semi-naked girls at the Yeah.
at the NEC, in Birmingcham The woman who complained she's the new Labour Minister of something or other Patricia Hewitt.
She's quite fit actually.
She is actually.
Maybe it's a power thing, I dunno, but she's she's got something.
erm But really, using sex to sell cars it is very last week, and, it's uncool.
In fact, I can't think of anything more uncool than that.
It is.
Strangely enough, Jeremy, I can.
Really? Yeah, the news this week, Transport2000 probably heard of them, campaigning group.
mmm And great name.
Two years ago There's something wrong about that.
it would've been great wouldn't it.
Did they not see that coming in '99? Yeah.
We could have a problem with our name, guys change the stationery.
Anyway, they're taking the Government to court because they want the Government to stop painting speed cameras fluorescent yellow.
They want them to get grey and hidden, so they catch more motorists.
I think that's really good.
I tell you what, I've got the thing here Transport2000, just so that you know who they are They say in their own, I think this is their own website Transport2000's vision is of a country where traffic no longer dominates our lives where many of our journeys can be made on foot, or cycle or using public transport where you don't need a car to enjoy the countryside or city life.
What's the word I can use this time at night? Just I've got to go to Newcastle.
How? Will I walk? Places are a long way apart.
That's why we have cars.
Anyway, let's get on.
Now, whenever I pull over for petrol these days someone, I can guarantee, will walk over and say "Have you driven the new Mini yet?" Everybody has the same question.
Excuse me, do you mind if I can just perch here, thanks very much.
What, is it like? Not me though, my question is What on Earth, is an aquadrome? I guess we've all driven up the M1, we've all seen that brown sign that says Billing Aquadrome, at turnoff to Billing Aquadrome what is that? So I thought we could kill two birds with one stone.
Take the new Mini up there, find out what it's like and find out what an aquadrome is.
There are three different types of Mini.
There's the supercharged Cooper S The normal Cooper and at the bottom of the range this one, the Mini One.
end of the pier, no nonsense fun.
a bit like Billing Aquadrome then.
Turns out, it's a caravan site.
Fun for all the family.
Star turns every night go-karts during the day and peaceful swan pedalo rides in the evening.
You can stay here in a caravan and there's a choice of three restaurants.
All you can eat, 6.
95.
Come here, eat chips have a nice time.
Fantastic.
'60s living then, to suit a '60s car.
I was a huge fan of the old Mini and I really thought that BMW, would mess this one up, but they haven't.
They've actually improved it.
The dash is brilliant.
I no longer have to drive with my knees wrapped round my ears.
And, your spine doesn't shatter every time you run over a piece of grit.
It's a wonderful, comfortable car.
Brilliant.
Of course, because it now has some suspension it doesn't fly through the corners like a go-kart but you can still have fun with it.
I've driven cars costing five times more than this which are five times less of a hoot.
You would love this car.
and you'd continue to love it, even when it was time to sell.
Used Minis are actually fetching more on the second-hand market than they cost to buy new.
So, which model to buy.
Well, let me give you a Top Gear top tip Buy the cheapest one.
It has exactly the same single overhead camshaft 1.
6 liter engine as the Cooper.
The only difference is a little tiny chip in the onboard computer.
So, you buy the cheap car.
you save 1300 quid and then you change the chip.
That'll cost you 385 pounds.
I just saved you 1000 pounds.
But, should you take me up on it? Should you buy a Mini at all? You see the wheelbase on this car; the distance between the back wheels, and the front ones is exactly the same as it is, on a Land rover Discovery.
So, where's all the space gone? There's tons in the front, but if you look in the back there's absolutely, no legroom at all.
And, while the while the new Mini has a hatchback the old one didn't of course look at the size of its boot.
In the old Mini, Blue Peter used to be able to get we can't even get - look at this - one BBC sound recordist.
In fact, we can't even get his leg, and he's not a big lad, really.
That really is hopeless.
And you know, if a Martian came to Earth and you explained what you could normally get into a car of this size four doors, space for all the family, space for the dog, he'd say "What's a dog?" And then when you'd explain that, he'd say, "Well, plainly this is hopeless.
" That's much more like it.
It's the Toyota Yaris Verso.
Same sort of money as the Mini One little bit smaller on the outside, but look at what you get on the inside.
Three full seats in the back and look at all that legroom.
And what's more these two outer seats actually fold into the floor.
Lemme show you how.
You fold that down.
No, that's not it.
there's floor there.
Now, it just goes in there.
Jesus.
No, that's not gonna go in.
Like that.
Oh no, hold on.
find another lever, catch thing.
That slides more in.
Oh dear, I don't think this is supposed to have happened.
I have no idea how it works.
I tell you what, I'll do it on the other side.
That's the thing you cut your fingers on.
Just be careful there.
Oh, the floor's still there, hang on.
There we go, look.
That should just slide in, really smoothly, in there.
There we go! It's in.
Easy.
Completely flat floor.
Great.
So as a practical proposition then the Yaris Verso plainly knocks the Mini into a cocked hat.
This really is, once you've read the instruction book obviously and got the hang of it all a very, very practical car.
In here, you get a lot of toys.
You get air conditioning as standard.
You don't get the with the Mini.
And look at that 3D digital dash that's Martian technology, that is.
Aimed at the young kid about town who drink lattes and eats wheat juice, it crushes the Mini like a beetle.
And yet, there's something about it that's not quite right.
Could it be the name; Yaris Verso? That sounds like it could be a fullback, at Arsenal.
Or is it the styling? Yes, that's it.
It's perfect in every way except it looks like an ugly snake that swallowed a wardrobe.
You see, that's the thing these days.
As a functional car, this is much better, than this.
But when Madonna needed to buy a new car she bought a Mini.
And so did erm Zoe Ball and Kate Moss and Harry Enfield and Jo Whiley.
They all bought Minis.
Style sells.
That's why, engineers are made these days, to work in cellars with no money, and little food.
The real superstars of the car world are the designers.
And I've got one of them here chap called Peter Horbury.
Now, Peter's the boss of everything now; Ford, Jaguar, the lot really.
but, you were best known for turning Volvo from making pea green half-bricks, into well, what? Blue half-bricks, i suppose No, because, I really like the way this car looks.
like this one Well, I think it's it's the function of Volvo is very, very evident.
It's a safe, practical car.
But, I think there's nothing wrong with adding style to something which is functional.
But with this car, what we did with the design, is we asked them design a car, with the front of a sports car and the back of a Ford Transit.
Just weld the two together and And that's what you've done.
smooth it out in between.
In essence yes, because if you look at the front, very curved, very rounded, very sporty in fact, the the pillars, the screen pillars are angled well in, much more than the older Volvos.
Quite curvy.
Oh, look.
Then if you go down the car, you see how the side glass pivots out that means, that by the time it gets to the luggage area where you really need the box, it's still there.
And together with that, the vertical tailgate creates the boxy Volvo.
Only where you need it.
It doesn't mess up the rest of the design.
And you're always banging on about how you need to have national characteristics in a car for it to really work.
So, this has to look Swedish.
Which to me, sounds like gobbledygook, cause I ca what is Swedish? Well, Swedish, yes, both the the fact is they're a caring society, therefore, everyone is looked after in a Volvo.
It's a very, they're very practical people, therefore, we have the estate car.
But I think it's more than that, you can actually put the visual character of a country into the car, let me show you.
We're going to do a Rolf Harris moment now.
Draw now.
So we're gonna see whether you can still do this.
Yeah.
Think back to the 40s and a typical car in Britain was from the front, very very curvaceous, very round lots of full voluptuous shapes Ah, typical of a car anywhere in that Era, yeah.
But, in Sweden, they were different.
A sort of very simple verticals, horizontal with a radius in between.
And then the same shapes on the grille.
This is a Volvo 544.
You don't recognise it, but No, I don't.
Oh, now it is, it's a Volvo 544, that.
Well, there you are.
Totally different form language.
It's actually look at other products at the time.
Yeah.
Take for example, furniture.
You can imagine an armchair the good old British 1940s, 1950s armchair the same sort of form language, as the car.
But over in Sweden different.
Very simple.
Same flat shapes and curves.
That's the way wood bends, so that's how they built their chairs.
I'm spellbound by this.
So like this, we've got one here.
They are completely here's one here.
You see the simple flat wood, big radius straight down, elegant.
Swedish chair.
Same form language again, and that is how we design the shoulders on the Volvo.
Where many cars would grow outwards and downwards to a point here the Volvo comes straight out, and there's a big radius just like the chair.
Like the chair.
I thought that was to make it look solid.
I thought that you had these this bit sticking out so it actually looked like it was a big lump of, sort of Well, it does, it's a visual representation of the side impact protection system.
Cause, the thing is though, that the national characteristics, you can s I suppose still see it a bit.
in Jaguars, being looking very British and so on.
Yeah.
But then the Japanese, they've never really had any Absolutely.
They do now.
I think they do.
In fact the Japanese car is full of detail, because Japanese people can can single out a detail and appreciate it.
Like a row of Japanese houses, they're all different.
One house is one size and one colour next house is totally different, third house, something else.
We see it as a visual mess, we westerners.
The Japanese can actually look at each house individually.
Really? Yeah, a page on a Japanese magazine is visual mayhem to us but to them, it's quite simple.
You look at one detail at a time.
Your favourite car Yeah.
erm, I happen to know, is this Porsche 928.
The 928, yes, yes.
Now, why? What what was it ab I mean I think it's a lovely looking car but not the best ever, but why do you think this Yeah.
is so good? Well, I think it was very, very significant.
I mean don't forget, this is 1976 when other cars were folded paper type designs like the old Scirocco and Golf.
And this was very new, all rounded beautiful forms, almost aircraft like.
No bumpers, the first integrated bumpers Oh you could kick those couldn't you? Yeah.
It was a pure design, look there's not a blemish on the surface, it's just pure form.
And I think that was very new then, very unique And it lasted didn't it.
Well, not many cars would last the course of time, 20 years this lasted almost unchanged.
Now, the interesting thing is about this car is that when it came out, I believe or shortly after it came out, anyway, you were working at Ford.
Yes.
And you thought you'd take certain elements of this car and put them onto a car you were designing at the time.
Right.
So, does anybody here want to hazard a guess Yes.
what car Peter he did he thought he'd made to look like a 928? Cap no, not the Capri.
Shall we show everybody? Ready? This, you think, looks like a 928.
erm yes.
That, is a Ford Sierra XR4.
Which bit of I've never looked at one and thought, God that guy's got a Porsche.
Oh, no, wait, it's a Ford Sierra.
Which bit did you think, when you were doing this Well The one detail in this one, this particular one, the XR4, which was absolutely identical to this is the side window, because I won't comment here was one of the most exquisite forms, we felt in in the automotive world at the time.
This wonderful almost aircraft-like style side window, in that very clean door.
Then followed by this, unique wrap-over second window.
Yeah.
Well here it is.
The front door window, plus the second door window, because we just painted that black to create one shape.
Yes.
And then followed it with the lemme justIf I stand back, will that help? the window, yeah.
If you half close your eyes, it helps even more.
If you fully close your eyes, it helps even more.
Oh, yes.
I've got it now.
That's a 928, definitely.
For the moment Peter, thank you very much.
You're welcome.
(No) disrespect to Peter Horbury, but I'm sorry, I can't agree.
Porsche 928 the best looking card in the world ever.
No, not in my opinion.
Cause if you ask me this is.
It's the Citroen DS, and it's well, it's gorgeous.
But, more importantly than that, it was launched in 1955.
'55.
Let me put that into perspective there you were, in the 50s, at your mangle doing your laundry.
And then, somebody comes along and gives you one of these.
It was mind-boggling.
Can you imagine, having the creativity, to sit down at your drawing board in 1955 when most cars, still looked like sideboards and draw this as a car.
It's genius.
For me, and for a lot of other people, actually as well, this is possibly one of the most beautiful cars ever.
It's so petite around the tail but it's got that slightly angular look and then towards the front where, as it widens out to the nose those big elegant eyes it looks feline.
And then this upright expansive glass.
Half the car is so rakish, and then you sit upright here looking out, it's so stately.
It's astonishing, on the first day the world saw this, 12000 people said "I like that, I'm gonna buy one.
" They sold, 12000 on the first day ever.
Now, I should say, we're not being strictly honest here, cause this is a 1972 Citroen DS But, let's get one thing clear the car they introduces in 1955, apart from a few really rather minor cosmetic changes was built, for 20 years, until 1975.
So, there must have been something right with it, By the 70s it had gotten even cleverer.
Maybe even a bit too clever for it's own good.
The headlamps swivelled with the steering wheel.
It wasn't just the looks, that were futuristic, and boy, were they futuristic it was everything else about that car.
For a start, those looks are the result of aerodynamics which, then, was considered, still by many people to be something akin to witchcraft.
And that's not all.
Here's the really clever bit.
Remember, the '50s was a time when most of the world was still using mangles.
And this, had disc brakes.
It had a central hydraulic system that controlled the suspension the brakes, the steering and in cars with wait for it a semi-automatic transmission the gear changes as well.
All in 1955.
I hate this when I drive old cars I really want one, now I want one.
I think I might be getting the hang of this now, but I gotta be honest, it's not the easiest thing to drive at first with the column shift, which is very slick it's just, a bit different.
Once you have go the hang of it it's great.
I'm in the wrong gear but it's great.
mmm No, I'm not convinced.
I quite like the car quite but it's the people who drive DSs.
That's the problem for me.
You just get the sense that they would never come out of a pub and put a traffic cone on their head and reel down the street.
And that's the point.
And that's why you're missing the point.
I mean, you are the man, remember, who has consistently several years running, won Britain's Worst Dressed Man, even in your cargo pants No, look, now teamed with a blazer.
I've been on a make-over program now.
It's a car that, you're just missing.
No, later in the program I'll be showing you what I think, is the best looking car ever.
I don't like it.
You don't know what it is.
I don't care, I don't like it.
Couple of weeks ago, on this show, we set out to prove that not all old people are dreadful drivers.
We invited grannies to come on the show and do some doughnuts for us.
We were inundated with responses so, we picked these five, lovely ladies to have a go.
Welcome to the Top Gear Granny Doughnut Challenge.
These are the grannies, as you know and the car they'll be driving is a sporty rear-wheel drive Honda S2000.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
Don't like the colour.
Oh it's fantastic.
Yes, I do.
Are you going in the back? No, no But, before the doughnuts, it was cake time.
Put la you put your layers, you spread it over with lard Oh, with layers Fruit.
and then you put your layers of mix fruit in your cinnamon and sugar on the Dears, now if you got a WI market near you, you want to get all your food there, cause that's all homemade Can I get my bramble jelly there? You can.
Should be able to.
So, that's quite good then.
The man who'll be teaching them, is ace stunt driver, Russ Swift.
The idea is you wanna approach it fairly slowly it's it's not a very fast manoeuver at all.
First gear, and then you gotta turn, as if you're just gonna turn in a circle, and then you probably, dip the clutch, build the revs up and spin the back wheels and here's and what'll happen then Obviously, chalk on a blackboard is no substitute for the smell of burning rubber in the morning as Russ demonstrates.
Easy peasy, do it again, see if you can do it again.
Did you bring your incontinent pads, Sadie? No, I didn't.
Right then, well we've seen how you're meant to do it, okay? And we'll find out, how they got on later.
I can't wait to see those grannies trying that.
I just can't wait.
But, we're gonna have to, because every week, we have a celebrity guest.
And now, it's the time to meet him.
He is the star of Ultimate Force and also of something called Eastenders.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ross Kemp.
How are you mate? Very well, have a seat.
Could your granny do that? My granny's 86.
She doesn't really do doughtnuts anymore.
She makes nice apple pies though.
You ever tried one? Yes, unsuccessfully.
I'm not that good at doing things like that.
You do all your own stunt driving, don't you? That is a mis no, I don't do all my stunt dri I do a lot of it esepcially when we were in Eastenders.
And it you know, I can see the guys that used to work with us can testify that I'm not telling porky pies.
No, i did most of it.
And Steve McFadden Who are they? They're over there.
Are they here? Well, boys Really? Did he do his own did he do his own stunt driving? This camera here, look Rob.
He did, he did, thank you very much.
I'll see you later.
What'd you drive? Go on, lemme I can't guess actually.
I drive a 996 Turbo.
Oh, a 911? Yep.
That's quite a nice car.
It's a very nice car.
Actually it is.
I hate to s I hate to say this, cause I've always hated 911s.
Why? Engine's in the wrong place.
Where should it be then? Where the driver is at the back? No, have you ever seen a horse parking a car? No, it's actually in the it' in the middle of the car now isn't it? In 911s it was in the back, over the back end, but now it sits in the centre of the car, which is where a Formula 1 engine is.
It's still pret it's a rear-engined car still.
It is rear-engined even now it's a rear-engined am I right? No.
Let's we're gonna here none of this we're all they're all car bores here.
We had a thing, last week where, I said would you to any of the people watching at home like to nominate someone who you think is a car bore And, umwe thought we'd get 6 or 7 replies.
Do you know how many people wrote in and said, "I'm living with a car bore.
" All women.
Every single one of them from a woman.
One of them wrote and said "My boyfriend reads a Haynes Manual in bed every night for a car he doesn't own.
" But I want to play this game, we played it with Jay Kay who came on the show last week.
He was frighteningly good at it.
You know, you start off with a little something, and we'll see if we can guess I have no clue.
Audience, you're more than welcome to join in.
Let's bring the first one up, see if we can guess what it is.
That's a What? An Audi TT, pull it out, let's have a look.
Pull it out a bit.
It is, it's a TT.
It is a TT, as you can see.
You are pathetic.
Well, we both of us got blasted there.
Right, come on, let's have the next one.
Oh, I know what that is, I reckon.
Do you wanna haz hazard a guess? Not a clue.
Only one car firm still puts it's hinges on the outside.
hinges on the outside.
I don't even know which car firm that is.
Solihull, I reckon.
I'm gonna hav I'm gonna have a stab at this one Go on then.
Land rover a Defender.
Pull out I'm feeling confident.
Ooh, it's '75, I've got one.
First that's the first one I've had in two weeks.
There it is, good one, that one.
Right, let's have a look at the next one A Calibra It's Calibra shaped, but the headlamps are too modern for it.
Anyone? Come on, you start Alfa Romeo.
Let's ask Alfa Romeo what? It's a Punto.
How do you know, you're not even standing you can't even see the screen.
Because all these people are doing courses in designing cars, I believe.
No there's f is it a Pu if thats a It's it could be a Seat actually, it's a No, it's not, it's gonna be a Punto.
But that's do you have a girlfriend? Did you talk to your girlfriend like about that sort of thing? Do you walk down the street like this, going that's a That's a Hilman hunter.
I it's just Come on, let's bring up another one.
Okay, here we go.
That's a Boxster isn't it? Is it a Boxster? Or it could be a Turbo.
Let's have a look, pull out, pull back.
Turbo.
Let's see if Ross gets it clear.
Porsche Turbo.
Is it a It's your car.
It is my car.
Now this, you have a 911, you don't just potter about in it either, I mean you really you wanna okay, just Just tell the nice ladies and gentlemen what you did No.
for your holiday last year.
I got in the car, which I wanted to enjoy obviously.
Cause that's why you buy things like that if you save up for them.
And, I drove round the west coast of France through Spain, up into Italy from Italy into Switzerland then into Germany then from Germany back into France, then back home.
That's a pathetic holiday.
how many times how many times did you actually how long did it take? Oh, not long.
Five days.
Five days? Five days.
We've we've we hammered it.
Well, more than that, it was about 6 days.
We didn't sleep we ju we just drove.
The two of us driving, we stopped try it's not a holiday though.
No, but well it was to me, I loved it.
I enjoyed every second of it.
And it's things you can do things on the Autobahn you obviously can't do in this country.
And that's what the car was designed for.
What? Going fast.
How fast did you go? Over 200 in places Got it over 200? Over 200, yeah.
It goes upto 200.
And talking of speed, of course, you're not just here to chat, play silly games Oh no, God.
He was brought here, same as all our celebrity guests, to play the simple game Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.
The idea is It's a very good car as well.
Absolutely, as we put our celebrity guest earlier in the day into our Suzuki Liana No, it's a good car.
send you out round the track and we film it, see how fast you can do it.
End of the series, we name Britain's fastest celebrity.
Okay, now, we're gonna be seeing that later, because it's got to be edited.
But, for now, ladies and gentlemen Ross Kemp! This week's insider trading.
Got some real bargains for you.
Good.
Ever fancy an Alfa Romeo? Yeah, I think most people have at some point.
Yeah, 166 gorgeous looking car.
The 166, the big one? It is a glamorous car.
Great looking car.
Yeah.
The only problem with Alfa Romeos is afraid it's gonna depreciate, and you're afraid it's gonna cost a lot to keep on the road.
But, you can get one now, direct from Alfa Romeo, brand new for 349 a month.
Right, that's not that much how, how does this work? Right contract hire, go in, it's a grand deposit You can drive that car for 3 years, enjoy it, even have the servicing paid and then hand it back at the end of three years So, these are these personal contract plans that people are doing.
It's actually contract hire, so you gotta be VAT registered but it's so cheap, unbelievable.
That's I mean, what would you pay for other cars? Well, did the checks, found a couple of leasing companies.
You could drive, instead A Vauxhall Vectra.
Nice.
Diesel.
Oh, glamorous.
Or, a 406 Yeah diesel.
mmm.
Or, if you re and this was the one that was a close rung thing for me a fully loaded Skoda Octavia.
Really? I think I'll take the Alfa, but there are other cars, like a Mercede 5 Series.
Yeah.
Well, how would that you're looking at about 100 pounds a month more.
Oh, so it is a big difference.
Yeah, like 450 a month.
452, I think I got on a Merc E Class.
Excellent.
Oh, glamorous Italian car on the cheap Nice one.
Was so cheap.
Yeah.
But, it'll only last for a month.
So, November's your month to do it.
Do it now.
Another absolute bargain, this time on a used car Daewoo, you know they went into liquidation? Yes.
Well, the administration's trying to get rid of all the stock all the staplers, the computers, the whole lot and part of that deal is they've gotta get rid of the cars.
All their company automobiles.
All the company smoke 700 used Daewoos are just hitting the marketplace.
What, right now? Right now.
They're actually going to the auction this week, so by next week they should be on dealer forecourts.
So, presumably I mean Daewoo are cheap cars anyway, does this mean they're gonna be Oh, yeah.
cheap cheap cars? Absolutely Something like a Lanos, which would have cost 10,500 new You can pick one of those up, probably about 18 months old for just over 4 grand.
But if there's that many, 700 odd cars is that enough to affect a whole market, does that mean all Daewoos are now gonna be cheap? Well, even cheaper.
Yeah.
Even cheaper, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, there's some nervousness, because obviously, GM have taken over, and they're gonna build a new network probably by this time next year, there'll be a hundred new dealers out there so, you can get your servicing, your warranty, and all that.
But, in the intervening time, the next few months, there's a lot of nervousness out there but, if you want a cheap car, it's not a bad car.
Absolutely.
That is a cheap car.
Yeah.
Oh, and another one, final one here really good, now loads of people run a second car and they normally look for something that's cheap to run, something like a hatchback.
Yeah.
And there's loads of good cars out there, and you're gonna spend, probably anything from 9 grand upto about 15 grand on one.
So, you're sort of Clio, typical Yeah, or a Fiesta, or a bas base focus, something like that.
Cheap to run, easy to drive, power steering, air conditioning, great.
The only problem is, with any new car, and they are no exception it depreciates badly, so in 3 years time whatever you've bought, pretty much, is gonna have lost about two-thirds of it's value.
Now here's an idea.
You can go out and buy a Ford Mondeo which is a good car Right.
yeah? A '99 or less, something about 3 years old and you can pick one of those up for about So, it's a much bigger car, and if it's only couple of years old or so, I mean, it's still quite fresh.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Buy it from a dealer, get a warranty, full service history you got your air-con, your power steering, your airbags all the bits you want.
And the most you can lose on that car is gonna be a grand a year in depreciation.
run it for four years, throw it away.
So, that's even more money saved, we can have bigger cars for less money.
Jason, that's fantastic, I mean, more real-life advice on how to save real money.
You'll make us all millionaires by the end of the series.
Thanks very much.
Now, earlier on, Richard argued that the itroen DS is the best looking car, in the world ever.
Well, this, is a Lamborghini Miura.
The world's first ever mid-engined road car.
in 1966.
Look at the slats there on the back window.
Look at that, look at the way it kicks up slightly at the back.
and I love those rear wheel arches, the way they seemed to have pulled the metal over the tyres to make it fit.
Some say, this is the best looking car but it isn't.
Because, this is.
Aston Martin launched the DB7.
Ooh, that's a lovely noise.
But, to be honest, I could pull this car apart.
The early models, were very badly made And it wasn't just one thing either, some of them caught fire, some of them just stopped.
The one I had, had been built by Mr.
Potato Head.
It just sort of fell apart.
There's more too.
It's based on the Jaguar XJS which means its underpinnings are 25 years old now.
And in dog years that makes it 438.
Where's the climate control? Where's the radar guided cruise control? where's the voice activation for all the equipment you do get? Radio 2 CD track 3 Nothing.
And you get that sort of stuff on a Jag costing half the price, but not in this.
See what I mean about the noise? But, where's the get up and go? Even with a 6 liter V12, it's no more powerful than a Parish council.
I might also ask where's the headroom? See, the problem is, is that the engine's computer is underneath the driver's seat, so it feels like you're sitting on a high chair.
And it's even worse in the convertible, cause the roof's about about here.
I could go on all day listing things that are wrong with this car.
But, think about it.
If you had one and you were going out in the evening, you could say "Shall we take the Aston?" and that sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Pretty good.
Shall we take the Aston.
As you cruise round Mayfair, past Purdy and Tiffany and Claridge's, you feel at home in a car like this.
And it's not just the name that sends a shiver down the spine it's the looks.
And I don't think the DB7 is good looking for a car either.
For me, the three best looking things ever made by man, are, at number 3 The Humber Suspension Bridge, at number 2 the SR-71 spy plane and at number one this.
The Aston Martin DB7.
Now, you know when Michael Parkinson has a cricketer on his show, and you get that my next guest is a remarkable man err the laws of physics mean nothing to him and if I had ovaries, I'd bear his children.
Well, that's how I feel, right now, because I'm joined by the man, who designed the DB7, Ian Callum Now, Ian, you know Ivan the Terrible of course, you don't know him, but Ivan the Terrible, when his people had built the Basilica in St.
Petersburg he had their eyes gouged out so that they'd never do anything better.
Did anyone at Aston Martin say "Ian, we've gotta have your eyes mate.
" Cause, you're never gonna top this.
Certainly not if you're gonna work for someone else, cause where are you now? Jaguar yeah? I'm at Jaguar now, yes yes.
No, but they wanted the Vanquish first, so they looked after me for a little while.
But that's another beauty.
Lucky one.
That's an absolute beauty.
Yes, that's not bad.
And, do you know the really scary thing everybody, is I've heard, that we're never really gonna see the like of cars like this again because of Legislation.
From Brussels is this? Not necessarily, it's also from the car industry itself it's self-policing, much of it.
And it's pedestrian legislation.
Is it? So, what kind of things wouldn't be allowed, if you did the DB7 in a few years time.
What is it that's going to change on it? Well, pedestrian legislation dictates you have to have a lot of air under the bonnet, between the bonnet and the engine.
So, if you run someone over, their head hits the bonnet Yeah, and it can actually deform into the, into the bonnet.
How much? About 3 inches So, you're gonna need to get that bonnet Absolutely.
You can't just smooth it over the engine anymore like No we've got to lift it up, above the engine.
However, technology might help us there Okay.
we may be able to deploy the bonnet but that's a very difficult thing to do.
Deploy it? Actually deploy the bonnet, yes.
How do you mean, deploy it? It's actually lifts up as a pedestrian approaches.
What, when you hit someone? Yes.
Very difficult to do.
That's fantastic.
You almost hurt someone running over Very difficult to do.
I'm gonna run that person over.
Whoa, look at my bonnet.
Boing! That is very sensitive.
That is you think that might be possible? That may be possible, but it's not the immediate answer.
There's also other other legislation that's coming in mainly from the US for looking after unbelted occupants.
That's those people, who driver a car who do no wear seatbelts, we must look after them according to the law.
American law? Absolutely.
So, if they don't put on and Wilbur goes A lot of people in America "Hell, I'm too fat to get this round.
" A lot of people in America don't wear seatbelts.
-Really, absolutely.
-Really? And you've got to design a car And we we have to protect them so that they don't hurt themselves.
on impact, absolutely.
Yeah.
So what kind of what, how will this change the shape of the front, of that bit.
Well, what happens is we calculate the trajectory of the head and that effectively sets up a package which comes in through the front of the car here.
And what it'll mean in this car, is that this point here, has to go up and possibly forwards.
Which means the screen probably gets steeper, because and this presumably well you'll have to move that out.
he can't hit So that'll go and you have to move that out as well, yes.
So, that will come up That's Postman Pat's van.
It's getting there, yeah, it's basically there.
You've got it going straight to here and then along.
Well that's probably exaggerating but we do call it the ice cream van at work.
Well, I'll tell you what I'd like to do now, okay Yes.
is, I love it when I see these car designers they can draw cars, kind of, beautifully when you just give them a pen and paper.
Some of them can.
I don't If you did the if you did the Escort Cosworth and that you can draw a car.
Okay, let's get Peter in as well.
Peter, this is your easel here Ian, that's your easel there.
Now, we wanna think of something we want them to draw.
Any suggestions? No, something we want to see in the future.
E-type? How about a modern day E-Type? Since you're at Jaguar, this shouldn't be too difficult, and you're well, at Jaguar as well, actually, although higher up.
So, we let's go, right, you can both get cracking now.
Quite trick and I tell you what There's another easel here, I'll have a go as well.
How hard can it be to be a car designer? Peter, is this okay for you? Cause having worked at Volvo They had Etch-A-Sketches there, didn't they? That's true, we we we don't use computers Etch-A-Sketch yeah First time we've ever had actually I always start with the wheels anyone got a coin I can draw around? Are you gonna be doing it with current legislation borne in mind, or are you gonna be doing what you'd like to do without the Americans being involved? I think we'll do what we like to do.
Yeah.
Okay, that's a good idea.
How big should it be, with wheels that big? Why are you laughing? It's not a Hummer.
It's it's an E-Type.
I finished.
It's fantastic, let's have a look at yours then.
Where's the engine? Is it in the front? Front a front engined It's in front, the front, yes.
Front engined.
That's fantastic.
Could be a little better actually.
I quite like that you've got no overhang at all the DB7 has got quite a big one actually.
None at all.
That's very beautiful and let's have a look what the former Volvo man has done.
Well Early days, but It's exactly the same.
How did you do that? That is exactly the same as Turn the other way, get the camera, that's exactly the same as Can we get the two of them brought together? I'd definitely put your name on this, he's nicked it.
Look at that.
Okay.
They're exactly the same.
Well, that's why we're both designing Jaguars.
Exactly.
And, do you know what I think, looking at this? I suspect boys, that there is an E-Type Jag coming and that you both know exactly what it looks like.
If you want to vote, for what you think is the best looking car ever, you can do so by going near an internet or sending us a letter in a postbox.
Or, you can telephone, using a cellular telephone something.
Anyway, thank you very much, Ian Callum, Peter Horbury.
Love for you to have you along.
Thank you.
Well the tape has been edited.
Oh, put me out of my misery please.
Shall we see the lap? Oh, go on, please.
Play the lap.
Oh, that's good.
Doing this in the pouring rain.
That was rubbish.
Floor, floor, floor, floor, floor, floor, floor.
Second.
Ooooh, Ross go.
That was too steep.
Looks a lot slower on television doesn't it? Second, you brake too soon.
Plan your anne taps it Full power, full power, full power.
Brake.
Oh, you're too early.
Bring it in gotta put some power on it, Ross.
Oh, you lost all your power, son Messed up the last bend.
You messed up the last bend.
the last bit, there you go.
Now, the thing is it was, as you pointed out at the start raining, okay? Rain slows you down It was So, what we thought we'd do, after you did that we sent the Stig the tame racing driver out.
Now he went round on a dry track 1:46.
We sent him out in the wet and he did a 1:50.
So, in other words, he was 4 seconds slower because of the rain.
So, would you like to know what your wet time was? Get the camera in nice and tight on Ross.
Shall we tell you? Why did i say I'd come on this show If you're slower than Harry Enfield I hate you I hate you so much Clarkson.
I'm gonna get you back at some point, don't worry.
Remember, we can take 4 seconds off this for a dry time.
your time, Ross Kemp The star This is the wet time? Is this the your wet time, Star in a Reasonably Priced Car was And I think a round of applause for that.
Well, I'm surprised.
Because, actually I'm gonna put you there.
I've got a W on it for wet, okay? I'm very wet.
Actually, you and I we're the same.
I like that.
I like that Well done.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ross Kemp.
Right.
Grannies doing doughnuts.
It is time.
They've seen what they've gotta do.
All they've gotta do now is have a go.
And we get to see what happens.
So, they're all gonna have a go at this, but first up Joy had a bash in our Joy is 73.
You don't mind me saying that from London, and is proud to say, she once won an essay writing competition, so congratulations to you, but this was a bit more exciting.
Here's what happened.
I can't reach the pedals.
Right, well, we'll put it forward.
Try the clutch.
Make sure you can get full travel on the clutch.
I've never taken my clutch off like that, ever.
Always very careful with my clutch.
I do it sort of, you know, gently.
You asked Joy? She's quite nervous, is Joy though, isn't she? Yes.
Yes, good going.
I want you to dip the clutch dip your clutch now, build the revs up build the revs up, let the clutch out, hard.
That's it, keep it there, keep it there.
don't do anything, just keep that keep doing like that.
Good girl.
Keep going, keep going, keep going let the yeah, good girl, good girl, keep going, go, go, go less throttle, don't touch the throttle, ease off on the throttle that's it, well done.
Good girl.
That what we we didn't know what to say.
Joy, that was what a star, that was fantastic.
But that's that's not all okay? Cause, now the ne now the next three have a go.
Okay, this is Gwyneth Dip the clutch, build the revs up, clutch out.
Gwendy, power power more, more power, let's go, keep it going there keep it going, keep going, keep going, com don't stop there now Yay.
And that's the one.
Turn it about.
And now it's Beryl.
Build the revs up, let the clutch out, hard now.
Keep your foot on the throttle.
Good, that's good, keep it going.
Keep on the throttle, that's good.
Keep going, keep going.
Keep going on the throttle.
Harder on the throttle.
Harder.
Harder, that's good.
Keep it there, keep it there, keep it there keep it going, now, keep it there, now, keep it there.
Keep your foot hard on the throttle.
That's good.
I'm on that cat's eye.
And back now, to Gwyneth.
Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going Yes.
That's it good.
Let it out now, hard.
Keep it down, keep it down.
And, finally Ann.
Good, good.
Keep it there.
Keep doing just the same.
That's it.
Keep it going.
She's going Keep it going, keep going.
Good girl.
You're going round and round and round.
Well done.
You can hear the applauds.
Keep going.
Don't stop now and you're gonna do the best one.
Don't stop.
Don't stop, keep it going keep it going.
Get your foot right off the clutch.
That's good.
Keep going.
Look and care stop now.
Go straight ahead.
Fantastic.
How was that? Brilliant.
Well done.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I I can't tell you, how exciting that was to be there.
You were all stars, but we've proven then, that, you know older people, can drive properly.
But we wanted to know, how far can you go with this? I mean, you know, 70s This is Sadie, hello.
Hello.
How old are you Sadie, we don't mind knowing, come on.
I'm not telling you.
She's 80.
Yes No.
Richard.
She is 80.
Watch this.
Could you imagine doing that round Piccadilly Circus? Yes.
You'd raise a few eyebrows Oh my word.
She's not rational.
We we don't drive like this in fashion.
Oh, hello.
Hang on in there, Sadie.
Power on, hard power, go on, power.
Power it now, hard.
Give power, hard.
Harder.
More power, more power.
Keep it there.
Just just keep it there now, that's good.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going good, go, good.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Good girl.
Good girl.
More here, now, just a little bit more here.
Fantastic.
Keep it going.
Not too much throttle, back off a bit on the throttle.
Back up a bit.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Okay, let's stop now.
Stop.
Stop.
Ab you what a star.
That was y And what got me was that once she start she wouldn't stop until the tyres were gone.
And yours was better, than than Russ the instructor.
She did the best doughnut.
Well without Russ, what would we have done? Well, now They liked Russ.
I'm gonna say to all of you Oh yes.
you are all as we've established, stars.
Oh yes.
Old people can drive.
Grannies can drive, and boy can they, just I think fantastic.
I've never seen anything like that.
I haven't, honestly.
It's am it's amongst the most inspiring sights I've ever seen.
When Sadie and her little white head just disappears in smoke.
Another challenge; we had the old ladies in if you are a man of the cloth, and we're not being, um we can be multi-denominational about this, if you like Yeah.
Any religious denomination.
We can have Mullahs or Rabbis or Yeah.
Priests.
I'm struggling for any other whatever other ones are there.
I don't know any more.
Anyway, if you're one of those type of people, who goes to work collar on back to front dress whatever you think you can drive you think you can get round our test track more quickly than someone from another religion get in touch.
No, that's a very ske that's a personally good idea.
a good idea.
We're quite we were quite looking forward to that.
I'd quite like to see Hector the rector up against a Mullah.
That'll be a bit good yeah? He's been Mullah'd at the Hammerhead, i want to say that.
Some committed moves in here.
so, write to us, at what address should we have this week? I'm a man of God and I want to drive fast Top Gear, BBC Television Woodlane, London I never know this properly London, W12 7T S or F.
S.
W12.
Put both.
And Or, you can use an internet your ecclesiastical internet.
Or you can use a quill and a carrier pigeon.
Now, in the first program of the series, we saw that magnificent Zonda go round our test track in the capable hands of the Stig in an amazing 1:23 and we all thought, well that's that, that's it, we've peaked on the first program.
we'll never see anything go round quicker than that.
But we threw it out to the world and said well, look, if you've got a car that you think can beat that get in touch.
Predictably, we had thousands of responses most of which, frankly, we threw away.
but we heard from one that listen, it caught my eye.
Didn't catch my eye.
A small a small company called Westfield.
And this is their car.
It is the Westfield XTR.
And It's awful.
It's not, it's This program's supposed to be about style.
I've put my special trousers on, you've turned up with this.
Listen cargo pants, it's it's stylish, it's for following function, it looks good.
And another thing, we said you could only take a car on that track, to take on the Zonda, if it's road legal.
Yes, and you can.
Look.
So, that'll be it on the road then.
Alright, so you can take it on the road.
But, listen it's never gonna beat the Zonda on the track cause the Zonda has a It's a 1.
3 liter engine, Jeremy.
But it's very light.
Listen, have you driven one? No way I'm gonna look it's I'm 42 years old, you don't get in orange cars when you're 42.
Probably a good point.
Dignity, man.
Well, I have driven it.
Look.
The Westfield XTR.
It only has a 1300cc engine.
It doesn't have a leather, chrome, aluminium and carbon fibre interior.
It doesn't really have an interior.
You don't get a pair of the Pope's shoes with it like you do with the Zonda.
You don't actually get a windscreen, in fact.
And you can build one yourself, in your garage for under 20 grand.
But, this only weighs Now, a Mini weighs almost three times that much.
So just maybe we could have a proper David and Goliath thing going on here.
Now, that engine, yeah it's only a 1300 but it's a bike engine.
A Suzuki Hayabusa to be precise which means it develops 170 brake horsepower.
And in a car this light that equates to a power to weight ratio of That's a lot.
It's a heck of a lot.
The mighty Zonda only manages 440 brake horsepower per tonne.
So, maybe, a budget DIY job could embarrass a mega money supercar.
The best thing about having a bike engine is it means revs and more revs.
And then more revs, it's incredible.
Every control is absolutely rigid.
the steering, it's like reaching down and turning the wheels with my hand.
Because it's a bike engine, we also get a bike clutch.
Now that's designed to be used with your fingers, not your foot.
It means you've gotta be very, very precise and careful with it.
Once, again that grip just This car is so much better than I am.
It's laughing at me.
Do you know, I've sorted my Christmas list Dear Father Christmas, don't bother coming down the chimney I'll just leave the garage door open.
Drop it off.
See, what a machine.
It's a proper, little, Jack Russell.
So will it be able to go round our test track faster than the mighty Zonda? No.
Thanks for your faith.
Right, well, we'll see.
That's the Stig, there's the telemetry, look.
There he goes.
That is now slow.
Tell me that that is not a slow car, is it? Well, it's not as fast as the Zonda, I'll tell you.
There's no way a the first corner as fast as the Zonda.
No way.
Look, how he goes through that first corner that's an interesting line through there.
Power to weight, you see, guys? Power to weight.
Now,, as you know, this is the telemetry.
you can see the G on the little graph in the middle as he comes up now into the Steady State corner.
Chicago corner we call this.
There's the map, you can see the little red dot progressing around.
Here's his speed the Zonda was doing the Zonda was doing Look at those numbers, Jeremy.
Look at this thing corner though, when it gets to the next corner, it's just Okay this is the Hammerhead, the most feared corner on any track.
It'll unsettle nearly anything.
But not that.
Look, if the S if you could see You wanna know something terrifying? Yes? That's 2 seconds faster than the Zonda at that point.
Thank you.
If you could see the Stig's face and it's probably a good job you can't it would be smiling, I reckon.
I mean look at this, look at this He's nearly he's gonna be losing, he's losing now.
And he's he's not at a no, no, no He's pushing it's cornering speed.
no, you're talking rubbish.
You're not tall enough.
Speed through all the corners.
You're nowhere near tall enough to know.
I'm gonna mention power to weight again in a minute, Jeremy.
So Here comes the time.
1:20 1:21 1:22 That's fantastic.
How good was that? A 20 grand car you can build in your shed that's in your shed, guys beat the Zonda.
So I'm gonna put that one here.
XTR What was it? X Yeah, alright, thank yo it was 1: no it was T to 1:23.
But, we all know that the Zonda did it in 1:23something That goes on the top.
That is the quickest car.
The Westfield did it.
And on that bombshell, we en Oh no before you do that Jeremy, important thing Remember earlier on, with the designers in and Jeremy did his bit of drawing for us.
Oh, I'd forgotten about that.
Would you like to see your picture? Bearing in mind how many cars this man has driven over the centuries Have a look at this Yeah this is this is his car.
I'm better at driving.
Let's have a look.
Show everyo look at that! Wow.
What is that? I mean it's good.
The only problem was that my wheels went a bit wrong.
It's utterly pathetic.
We ought to send that to Hyundai.
Yes.
That's their next new model.
Free.
You can have that.
They'd bite your arm off probably.
They'd have it.
There's no point telling you what's in next week's show, cause we always change our minds at the last minute.
but, you can be assured there'll be some of this.
That's the Aston Martin Vanquish versus the Ferrari 575 with the Fiorano Handling Pack on it.
Don't miss it.
Night.
mmm doughnuts.
Hello.
Now we're talking tonight predominantly about style.
Problem is, that everyone in the normal world think that petrolheads like us, really, are a bit geeky, a bit nerdy that we spend all day in the loft downloading stuff of the internet.
So, with that in mind, I've ditched the jeans tonight, gone for a cargo style pant, which I've teamed with a blazer.
Nice.
And you've teamed tablecloth with a shirt, interesting.
It's stitched in, needling.
And you're wearing a tent, as usual.
I'm tucked in.
erm And it's not just our attire as well err, we've rearranged the audience tonight.
We've got the good looking ones here this guy, look at him.
Very, very fine example.
This is a male model, really Yeah, you're staying there.
You stay there, you get us a good image.
and we've put the really ugly ones over there.
The back.
Right.
Anyone with a spot.
For this guy here, can you see this guy? If you're there, the hair Yeah.
I can't make my mind up, where he is Maybe a bit further.
Robin Askwith out of the Window Cleaner films Yeah.
or Keith Emerson out of Emerson, Lake and Palmer.
Kind of a hybrid.
So, if the floor manager the guy with the microphone comes up to you two and says, "Can you move" it's cause you're ugly.
Don't be hurt.
Don't be hurt, you're ugly.
Hey Yeah, it's just it happens.
erm We've also got some car designers in.
They're over there.
Look at them, all shiny.
Yeah you're never gonna make it.
To be a car designer, you have to wear black.
You have to look like a Chechen rebel.
They look like, an Oasis tribute band.
erm Of course, we're not being helped erm, this week, the motorshow, did you see? They ran a commercial, to go to the motorshow, which we've got here.
And they basically used, a semi-naked girl.
And there were all sorts of semi-naked girls at the Yeah.
at the NEC, in Birmingcham The woman who complained she's the new Labour Minister of something or other Patricia Hewitt.
She's quite fit actually.
She is actually.
Maybe it's a power thing, I dunno, but she's she's got something.
erm But really, using sex to sell cars it is very last week, and, it's uncool.
In fact, I can't think of anything more uncool than that.
It is.
Strangely enough, Jeremy, I can.
Really? Yeah, the news this week, Transport2000 probably heard of them, campaigning group.
mmm And great name.
Two years ago There's something wrong about that.
it would've been great wouldn't it.
Did they not see that coming in '99? Yeah.
We could have a problem with our name, guys change the stationery.
Anyway, they're taking the Government to court because they want the Government to stop painting speed cameras fluorescent yellow.
They want them to get grey and hidden, so they catch more motorists.
I think that's really good.
I tell you what, I've got the thing here Transport2000, just so that you know who they are They say in their own, I think this is their own website Transport2000's vision is of a country where traffic no longer dominates our lives where many of our journeys can be made on foot, or cycle or using public transport where you don't need a car to enjoy the countryside or city life.
What's the word I can use this time at night? Just I've got to go to Newcastle.
How? Will I walk? Places are a long way apart.
That's why we have cars.
Anyway, let's get on.
Now, whenever I pull over for petrol these days someone, I can guarantee, will walk over and say "Have you driven the new Mini yet?" Everybody has the same question.
Excuse me, do you mind if I can just perch here, thanks very much.
What, is it like? Not me though, my question is What on Earth, is an aquadrome? I guess we've all driven up the M1, we've all seen that brown sign that says Billing Aquadrome, at turnoff to Billing Aquadrome what is that? So I thought we could kill two birds with one stone.
Take the new Mini up there, find out what it's like and find out what an aquadrome is.
There are three different types of Mini.
There's the supercharged Cooper S The normal Cooper and at the bottom of the range this one, the Mini One.
end of the pier, no nonsense fun.
a bit like Billing Aquadrome then.
Turns out, it's a caravan site.
Fun for all the family.
Star turns every night go-karts during the day and peaceful swan pedalo rides in the evening.
You can stay here in a caravan and there's a choice of three restaurants.
All you can eat, 6.
95.
Come here, eat chips have a nice time.
Fantastic.
'60s living then, to suit a '60s car.
I was a huge fan of the old Mini and I really thought that BMW, would mess this one up, but they haven't.
They've actually improved it.
The dash is brilliant.
I no longer have to drive with my knees wrapped round my ears.
And, your spine doesn't shatter every time you run over a piece of grit.
It's a wonderful, comfortable car.
Brilliant.
Of course, because it now has some suspension it doesn't fly through the corners like a go-kart but you can still have fun with it.
I've driven cars costing five times more than this which are five times less of a hoot.
You would love this car.
and you'd continue to love it, even when it was time to sell.
Used Minis are actually fetching more on the second-hand market than they cost to buy new.
So, which model to buy.
Well, let me give you a Top Gear top tip Buy the cheapest one.
It has exactly the same single overhead camshaft 1.
6 liter engine as the Cooper.
The only difference is a little tiny chip in the onboard computer.
So, you buy the cheap car.
you save 1300 quid and then you change the chip.
That'll cost you 385 pounds.
I just saved you 1000 pounds.
But, should you take me up on it? Should you buy a Mini at all? You see the wheelbase on this car; the distance between the back wheels, and the front ones is exactly the same as it is, on a Land rover Discovery.
So, where's all the space gone? There's tons in the front, but if you look in the back there's absolutely, no legroom at all.
And, while the while the new Mini has a hatchback the old one didn't of course look at the size of its boot.
In the old Mini, Blue Peter used to be able to get we can't even get - look at this - one BBC sound recordist.
In fact, we can't even get his leg, and he's not a big lad, really.
That really is hopeless.
And you know, if a Martian came to Earth and you explained what you could normally get into a car of this size four doors, space for all the family, space for the dog, he'd say "What's a dog?" And then when you'd explain that, he'd say, "Well, plainly this is hopeless.
" That's much more like it.
It's the Toyota Yaris Verso.
Same sort of money as the Mini One little bit smaller on the outside, but look at what you get on the inside.
Three full seats in the back and look at all that legroom.
And what's more these two outer seats actually fold into the floor.
Lemme show you how.
You fold that down.
No, that's not it.
there's floor there.
Now, it just goes in there.
Jesus.
No, that's not gonna go in.
Like that.
Oh no, hold on.
find another lever, catch thing.
That slides more in.
Oh dear, I don't think this is supposed to have happened.
I have no idea how it works.
I tell you what, I'll do it on the other side.
That's the thing you cut your fingers on.
Just be careful there.
Oh, the floor's still there, hang on.
There we go, look.
That should just slide in, really smoothly, in there.
There we go! It's in.
Easy.
Completely flat floor.
Great.
So as a practical proposition then the Yaris Verso plainly knocks the Mini into a cocked hat.
This really is, once you've read the instruction book obviously and got the hang of it all a very, very practical car.
In here, you get a lot of toys.
You get air conditioning as standard.
You don't get the with the Mini.
And look at that 3D digital dash that's Martian technology, that is.
Aimed at the young kid about town who drink lattes and eats wheat juice, it crushes the Mini like a beetle.
And yet, there's something about it that's not quite right.
Could it be the name; Yaris Verso? That sounds like it could be a fullback, at Arsenal.
Or is it the styling? Yes, that's it.
It's perfect in every way except it looks like an ugly snake that swallowed a wardrobe.
You see, that's the thing these days.
As a functional car, this is much better, than this.
But when Madonna needed to buy a new car she bought a Mini.
And so did erm Zoe Ball and Kate Moss and Harry Enfield and Jo Whiley.
They all bought Minis.
Style sells.
That's why, engineers are made these days, to work in cellars with no money, and little food.
The real superstars of the car world are the designers.
And I've got one of them here chap called Peter Horbury.
Now, Peter's the boss of everything now; Ford, Jaguar, the lot really.
but, you were best known for turning Volvo from making pea green half-bricks, into well, what? Blue half-bricks, i suppose No, because, I really like the way this car looks.
like this one Well, I think it's it's the function of Volvo is very, very evident.
It's a safe, practical car.
But, I think there's nothing wrong with adding style to something which is functional.
But with this car, what we did with the design, is we asked them design a car, with the front of a sports car and the back of a Ford Transit.
Just weld the two together and And that's what you've done.
smooth it out in between.
In essence yes, because if you look at the front, very curved, very rounded, very sporty in fact, the the pillars, the screen pillars are angled well in, much more than the older Volvos.
Quite curvy.
Oh, look.
Then if you go down the car, you see how the side glass pivots out that means, that by the time it gets to the luggage area where you really need the box, it's still there.
And together with that, the vertical tailgate creates the boxy Volvo.
Only where you need it.
It doesn't mess up the rest of the design.
And you're always banging on about how you need to have national characteristics in a car for it to really work.
So, this has to look Swedish.
Which to me, sounds like gobbledygook, cause I ca what is Swedish? Well, Swedish, yes, both the the fact is they're a caring society, therefore, everyone is looked after in a Volvo.
It's a very, they're very practical people, therefore, we have the estate car.
But I think it's more than that, you can actually put the visual character of a country into the car, let me show you.
We're going to do a Rolf Harris moment now.
Draw now.
So we're gonna see whether you can still do this.
Yeah.
Think back to the 40s and a typical car in Britain was from the front, very very curvaceous, very round lots of full voluptuous shapes Ah, typical of a car anywhere in that Era, yeah.
But, in Sweden, they were different.
A sort of very simple verticals, horizontal with a radius in between.
And then the same shapes on the grille.
This is a Volvo 544.
You don't recognise it, but No, I don't.
Oh, now it is, it's a Volvo 544, that.
Well, there you are.
Totally different form language.
It's actually look at other products at the time.
Yeah.
Take for example, furniture.
You can imagine an armchair the good old British 1940s, 1950s armchair the same sort of form language, as the car.
But over in Sweden different.
Very simple.
Same flat shapes and curves.
That's the way wood bends, so that's how they built their chairs.
I'm spellbound by this.
So like this, we've got one here.
They are completely here's one here.
You see the simple flat wood, big radius straight down, elegant.
Swedish chair.
Same form language again, and that is how we design the shoulders on the Volvo.
Where many cars would grow outwards and downwards to a point here the Volvo comes straight out, and there's a big radius just like the chair.
Like the chair.
I thought that was to make it look solid.
I thought that you had these this bit sticking out so it actually looked like it was a big lump of, sort of Well, it does, it's a visual representation of the side impact protection system.
Cause, the thing is though, that the national characteristics, you can s I suppose still see it a bit.
in Jaguars, being looking very British and so on.
Yeah.
But then the Japanese, they've never really had any Absolutely.
They do now.
I think they do.
In fact the Japanese car is full of detail, because Japanese people can can single out a detail and appreciate it.
Like a row of Japanese houses, they're all different.
One house is one size and one colour next house is totally different, third house, something else.
We see it as a visual mess, we westerners.
The Japanese can actually look at each house individually.
Really? Yeah, a page on a Japanese magazine is visual mayhem to us but to them, it's quite simple.
You look at one detail at a time.
Your favourite car Yeah.
erm, I happen to know, is this Porsche 928.
The 928, yes, yes.
Now, why? What what was it ab I mean I think it's a lovely looking car but not the best ever, but why do you think this Yeah.
is so good? Well, I think it was very, very significant.
I mean don't forget, this is 1976 when other cars were folded paper type designs like the old Scirocco and Golf.
And this was very new, all rounded beautiful forms, almost aircraft like.
No bumpers, the first integrated bumpers Oh you could kick those couldn't you? Yeah.
It was a pure design, look there's not a blemish on the surface, it's just pure form.
And I think that was very new then, very unique And it lasted didn't it.
Well, not many cars would last the course of time, 20 years this lasted almost unchanged.
Now, the interesting thing is about this car is that when it came out, I believe or shortly after it came out, anyway, you were working at Ford.
Yes.
And you thought you'd take certain elements of this car and put them onto a car you were designing at the time.
Right.
So, does anybody here want to hazard a guess Yes.
what car Peter he did he thought he'd made to look like a 928? Cap no, not the Capri.
Shall we show everybody? Ready? This, you think, looks like a 928.
erm yes.
That, is a Ford Sierra XR4.
Which bit of I've never looked at one and thought, God that guy's got a Porsche.
Oh, no, wait, it's a Ford Sierra.
Which bit did you think, when you were doing this Well The one detail in this one, this particular one, the XR4, which was absolutely identical to this is the side window, because I won't comment here was one of the most exquisite forms, we felt in in the automotive world at the time.
This wonderful almost aircraft-like style side window, in that very clean door.
Then followed by this, unique wrap-over second window.
Yeah.
Well here it is.
The front door window, plus the second door window, because we just painted that black to create one shape.
Yes.
And then followed it with the lemme justIf I stand back, will that help? the window, yeah.
If you half close your eyes, it helps even more.
If you fully close your eyes, it helps even more.
Oh, yes.
I've got it now.
That's a 928, definitely.
For the moment Peter, thank you very much.
You're welcome.
(No) disrespect to Peter Horbury, but I'm sorry, I can't agree.
Porsche 928 the best looking card in the world ever.
No, not in my opinion.
Cause if you ask me this is.
It's the Citroen DS, and it's well, it's gorgeous.
But, more importantly than that, it was launched in 1955.
'55.
Let me put that into perspective there you were, in the 50s, at your mangle doing your laundry.
And then, somebody comes along and gives you one of these.
It was mind-boggling.
Can you imagine, having the creativity, to sit down at your drawing board in 1955 when most cars, still looked like sideboards and draw this as a car.
It's genius.
For me, and for a lot of other people, actually as well, this is possibly one of the most beautiful cars ever.
It's so petite around the tail but it's got that slightly angular look and then towards the front where, as it widens out to the nose those big elegant eyes it looks feline.
And then this upright expansive glass.
Half the car is so rakish, and then you sit upright here looking out, it's so stately.
It's astonishing, on the first day the world saw this, 12000 people said "I like that, I'm gonna buy one.
" They sold, 12000 on the first day ever.
Now, I should say, we're not being strictly honest here, cause this is a 1972 Citroen DS But, let's get one thing clear the car they introduces in 1955, apart from a few really rather minor cosmetic changes was built, for 20 years, until 1975.
So, there must have been something right with it, By the 70s it had gotten even cleverer.
Maybe even a bit too clever for it's own good.
The headlamps swivelled with the steering wheel.
It wasn't just the looks, that were futuristic, and boy, were they futuristic it was everything else about that car.
For a start, those looks are the result of aerodynamics which, then, was considered, still by many people to be something akin to witchcraft.
And that's not all.
Here's the really clever bit.
Remember, the '50s was a time when most of the world was still using mangles.
And this, had disc brakes.
It had a central hydraulic system that controlled the suspension the brakes, the steering and in cars with wait for it a semi-automatic transmission the gear changes as well.
All in 1955.
I hate this when I drive old cars I really want one, now I want one.
I think I might be getting the hang of this now, but I gotta be honest, it's not the easiest thing to drive at first with the column shift, which is very slick it's just, a bit different.
Once you have go the hang of it it's great.
I'm in the wrong gear but it's great.
mmm No, I'm not convinced.
I quite like the car quite but it's the people who drive DSs.
That's the problem for me.
You just get the sense that they would never come out of a pub and put a traffic cone on their head and reel down the street.
And that's the point.
And that's why you're missing the point.
I mean, you are the man, remember, who has consistently several years running, won Britain's Worst Dressed Man, even in your cargo pants No, look, now teamed with a blazer.
I've been on a make-over program now.
It's a car that, you're just missing.
No, later in the program I'll be showing you what I think, is the best looking car ever.
I don't like it.
You don't know what it is.
I don't care, I don't like it.
Couple of weeks ago, on this show, we set out to prove that not all old people are dreadful drivers.
We invited grannies to come on the show and do some doughnuts for us.
We were inundated with responses so, we picked these five, lovely ladies to have a go.
Welcome to the Top Gear Granny Doughnut Challenge.
These are the grannies, as you know and the car they'll be driving is a sporty rear-wheel drive Honda S2000.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
Don't like the colour.
Oh it's fantastic.
Yes, I do.
Are you going in the back? No, no But, before the doughnuts, it was cake time.
Put la you put your layers, you spread it over with lard Oh, with layers Fruit.
and then you put your layers of mix fruit in your cinnamon and sugar on the Dears, now if you got a WI market near you, you want to get all your food there, cause that's all homemade Can I get my bramble jelly there? You can.
Should be able to.
So, that's quite good then.
The man who'll be teaching them, is ace stunt driver, Russ Swift.
The idea is you wanna approach it fairly slowly it's it's not a very fast manoeuver at all.
First gear, and then you gotta turn, as if you're just gonna turn in a circle, and then you probably, dip the clutch, build the revs up and spin the back wheels and here's and what'll happen then Obviously, chalk on a blackboard is no substitute for the smell of burning rubber in the morning as Russ demonstrates.
Easy peasy, do it again, see if you can do it again.
Did you bring your incontinent pads, Sadie? No, I didn't.
Right then, well we've seen how you're meant to do it, okay? And we'll find out, how they got on later.
I can't wait to see those grannies trying that.
I just can't wait.
But, we're gonna have to, because every week, we have a celebrity guest.
And now, it's the time to meet him.
He is the star of Ultimate Force and also of something called Eastenders.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ross Kemp.
How are you mate? Very well, have a seat.
Could your granny do that? My granny's 86.
She doesn't really do doughtnuts anymore.
She makes nice apple pies though.
You ever tried one? Yes, unsuccessfully.
I'm not that good at doing things like that.
You do all your own stunt driving, don't you? That is a mis no, I don't do all my stunt dri I do a lot of it esepcially when we were in Eastenders.
And it you know, I can see the guys that used to work with us can testify that I'm not telling porky pies.
No, i did most of it.
And Steve McFadden Who are they? They're over there.
Are they here? Well, boys Really? Did he do his own did he do his own stunt driving? This camera here, look Rob.
He did, he did, thank you very much.
I'll see you later.
What'd you drive? Go on, lemme I can't guess actually.
I drive a 996 Turbo.
Oh, a 911? Yep.
That's quite a nice car.
It's a very nice car.
Actually it is.
I hate to s I hate to say this, cause I've always hated 911s.
Why? Engine's in the wrong place.
Where should it be then? Where the driver is at the back? No, have you ever seen a horse parking a car? No, it's actually in the it' in the middle of the car now isn't it? In 911s it was in the back, over the back end, but now it sits in the centre of the car, which is where a Formula 1 engine is.
It's still pret it's a rear-engined car still.
It is rear-engined even now it's a rear-engined am I right? No.
Let's we're gonna here none of this we're all they're all car bores here.
We had a thing, last week where, I said would you to any of the people watching at home like to nominate someone who you think is a car bore And, umwe thought we'd get 6 or 7 replies.
Do you know how many people wrote in and said, "I'm living with a car bore.
" All women.
Every single one of them from a woman.
One of them wrote and said "My boyfriend reads a Haynes Manual in bed every night for a car he doesn't own.
" But I want to play this game, we played it with Jay Kay who came on the show last week.
He was frighteningly good at it.
You know, you start off with a little something, and we'll see if we can guess I have no clue.
Audience, you're more than welcome to join in.
Let's bring the first one up, see if we can guess what it is.
That's a What? An Audi TT, pull it out, let's have a look.
Pull it out a bit.
It is, it's a TT.
It is a TT, as you can see.
You are pathetic.
Well, we both of us got blasted there.
Right, come on, let's have the next one.
Oh, I know what that is, I reckon.
Do you wanna haz hazard a guess? Not a clue.
Only one car firm still puts it's hinges on the outside.
hinges on the outside.
I don't even know which car firm that is.
Solihull, I reckon.
I'm gonna hav I'm gonna have a stab at this one Go on then.
Land rover a Defender.
Pull out I'm feeling confident.
Ooh, it's '75, I've got one.
First that's the first one I've had in two weeks.
There it is, good one, that one.
Right, let's have a look at the next one A Calibra It's Calibra shaped, but the headlamps are too modern for it.
Anyone? Come on, you start Alfa Romeo.
Let's ask Alfa Romeo what? It's a Punto.
How do you know, you're not even standing you can't even see the screen.
Because all these people are doing courses in designing cars, I believe.
No there's f is it a Pu if thats a It's it could be a Seat actually, it's a No, it's not, it's gonna be a Punto.
But that's do you have a girlfriend? Did you talk to your girlfriend like about that sort of thing? Do you walk down the street like this, going that's a That's a Hilman hunter.
I it's just Come on, let's bring up another one.
Okay, here we go.
That's a Boxster isn't it? Is it a Boxster? Or it could be a Turbo.
Let's have a look, pull out, pull back.
Turbo.
Let's see if Ross gets it clear.
Porsche Turbo.
Is it a It's your car.
It is my car.
Now this, you have a 911, you don't just potter about in it either, I mean you really you wanna okay, just Just tell the nice ladies and gentlemen what you did No.
for your holiday last year.
I got in the car, which I wanted to enjoy obviously.
Cause that's why you buy things like that if you save up for them.
And, I drove round the west coast of France through Spain, up into Italy from Italy into Switzerland then into Germany then from Germany back into France, then back home.
That's a pathetic holiday.
how many times how many times did you actually how long did it take? Oh, not long.
Five days.
Five days? Five days.
We've we've we hammered it.
Well, more than that, it was about 6 days.
We didn't sleep we ju we just drove.
The two of us driving, we stopped try it's not a holiday though.
No, but well it was to me, I loved it.
I enjoyed every second of it.
And it's things you can do things on the Autobahn you obviously can't do in this country.
And that's what the car was designed for.
What? Going fast.
How fast did you go? Over 200 in places Got it over 200? Over 200, yeah.
It goes upto 200.
And talking of speed, of course, you're not just here to chat, play silly games Oh no, God.
He was brought here, same as all our celebrity guests, to play the simple game Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.
The idea is It's a very good car as well.
Absolutely, as we put our celebrity guest earlier in the day into our Suzuki Liana No, it's a good car.
send you out round the track and we film it, see how fast you can do it.
End of the series, we name Britain's fastest celebrity.
Okay, now, we're gonna be seeing that later, because it's got to be edited.
But, for now, ladies and gentlemen Ross Kemp! This week's insider trading.
Got some real bargains for you.
Good.
Ever fancy an Alfa Romeo? Yeah, I think most people have at some point.
Yeah, 166 gorgeous looking car.
The 166, the big one? It is a glamorous car.
Great looking car.
Yeah.
The only problem with Alfa Romeos is afraid it's gonna depreciate, and you're afraid it's gonna cost a lot to keep on the road.
But, you can get one now, direct from Alfa Romeo, brand new for 349 a month.
Right, that's not that much how, how does this work? Right contract hire, go in, it's a grand deposit You can drive that car for 3 years, enjoy it, even have the servicing paid and then hand it back at the end of three years So, these are these personal contract plans that people are doing.
It's actually contract hire, so you gotta be VAT registered but it's so cheap, unbelievable.
That's I mean, what would you pay for other cars? Well, did the checks, found a couple of leasing companies.
You could drive, instead A Vauxhall Vectra.
Nice.
Diesel.
Oh, glamorous.
Or, a 406 Yeah diesel.
mmm.
Or, if you re and this was the one that was a close rung thing for me a fully loaded Skoda Octavia.
Really? I think I'll take the Alfa, but there are other cars, like a Mercede 5 Series.
Yeah.
Well, how would that you're looking at about 100 pounds a month more.
Oh, so it is a big difference.
Yeah, like 450 a month.
452, I think I got on a Merc E Class.
Excellent.
Oh, glamorous Italian car on the cheap Nice one.
Was so cheap.
Yeah.
But, it'll only last for a month.
So, November's your month to do it.
Do it now.
Another absolute bargain, this time on a used car Daewoo, you know they went into liquidation? Yes.
Well, the administration's trying to get rid of all the stock all the staplers, the computers, the whole lot and part of that deal is they've gotta get rid of the cars.
All their company automobiles.
All the company smoke 700 used Daewoos are just hitting the marketplace.
What, right now? Right now.
They're actually going to the auction this week, so by next week they should be on dealer forecourts.
So, presumably I mean Daewoo are cheap cars anyway, does this mean they're gonna be Oh, yeah.
cheap cheap cars? Absolutely Something like a Lanos, which would have cost 10,500 new You can pick one of those up, probably about 18 months old for just over 4 grand.
But if there's that many, 700 odd cars is that enough to affect a whole market, does that mean all Daewoos are now gonna be cheap? Well, even cheaper.
Yeah.
Even cheaper, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, there's some nervousness, because obviously, GM have taken over, and they're gonna build a new network probably by this time next year, there'll be a hundred new dealers out there so, you can get your servicing, your warranty, and all that.
But, in the intervening time, the next few months, there's a lot of nervousness out there but, if you want a cheap car, it's not a bad car.
Absolutely.
That is a cheap car.
Yeah.
Oh, and another one, final one here really good, now loads of people run a second car and they normally look for something that's cheap to run, something like a hatchback.
Yeah.
And there's loads of good cars out there, and you're gonna spend, probably anything from 9 grand upto about 15 grand on one.
So, you're sort of Clio, typical Yeah, or a Fiesta, or a bas base focus, something like that.
Cheap to run, easy to drive, power steering, air conditioning, great.
The only problem is, with any new car, and they are no exception it depreciates badly, so in 3 years time whatever you've bought, pretty much, is gonna have lost about two-thirds of it's value.
Now here's an idea.
You can go out and buy a Ford Mondeo which is a good car Right.
yeah? A '99 or less, something about 3 years old and you can pick one of those up for about So, it's a much bigger car, and if it's only couple of years old or so, I mean, it's still quite fresh.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Buy it from a dealer, get a warranty, full service history you got your air-con, your power steering, your airbags all the bits you want.
And the most you can lose on that car is gonna be a grand a year in depreciation.
run it for four years, throw it away.
So, that's even more money saved, we can have bigger cars for less money.
Jason, that's fantastic, I mean, more real-life advice on how to save real money.
You'll make us all millionaires by the end of the series.
Thanks very much.
Now, earlier on, Richard argued that the itroen DS is the best looking car, in the world ever.
Well, this, is a Lamborghini Miura.
The world's first ever mid-engined road car.
in 1966.
Look at the slats there on the back window.
Look at that, look at the way it kicks up slightly at the back.
and I love those rear wheel arches, the way they seemed to have pulled the metal over the tyres to make it fit.
Some say, this is the best looking car but it isn't.
Because, this is.
Aston Martin launched the DB7.
Ooh, that's a lovely noise.
But, to be honest, I could pull this car apart.
The early models, were very badly made And it wasn't just one thing either, some of them caught fire, some of them just stopped.
The one I had, had been built by Mr.
Potato Head.
It just sort of fell apart.
There's more too.
It's based on the Jaguar XJS which means its underpinnings are 25 years old now.
And in dog years that makes it 438.
Where's the climate control? Where's the radar guided cruise control? where's the voice activation for all the equipment you do get? Radio 2 CD track 3 Nothing.
And you get that sort of stuff on a Jag costing half the price, but not in this.
See what I mean about the noise? But, where's the get up and go? Even with a 6 liter V12, it's no more powerful than a Parish council.
I might also ask where's the headroom? See, the problem is, is that the engine's computer is underneath the driver's seat, so it feels like you're sitting on a high chair.
And it's even worse in the convertible, cause the roof's about about here.
I could go on all day listing things that are wrong with this car.
But, think about it.
If you had one and you were going out in the evening, you could say "Shall we take the Aston?" and that sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Pretty good.
Shall we take the Aston.
As you cruise round Mayfair, past Purdy and Tiffany and Claridge's, you feel at home in a car like this.
And it's not just the name that sends a shiver down the spine it's the looks.
And I don't think the DB7 is good looking for a car either.
For me, the three best looking things ever made by man, are, at number 3 The Humber Suspension Bridge, at number 2 the SR-71 spy plane and at number one this.
The Aston Martin DB7.
Now, you know when Michael Parkinson has a cricketer on his show, and you get that my next guest is a remarkable man err the laws of physics mean nothing to him and if I had ovaries, I'd bear his children.
Well, that's how I feel, right now, because I'm joined by the man, who designed the DB7, Ian Callum Now, Ian, you know Ivan the Terrible of course, you don't know him, but Ivan the Terrible, when his people had built the Basilica in St.
Petersburg he had their eyes gouged out so that they'd never do anything better.
Did anyone at Aston Martin say "Ian, we've gotta have your eyes mate.
" Cause, you're never gonna top this.
Certainly not if you're gonna work for someone else, cause where are you now? Jaguar yeah? I'm at Jaguar now, yes yes.
No, but they wanted the Vanquish first, so they looked after me for a little while.
But that's another beauty.
Lucky one.
That's an absolute beauty.
Yes, that's not bad.
And, do you know the really scary thing everybody, is I've heard, that we're never really gonna see the like of cars like this again because of Legislation.
From Brussels is this? Not necessarily, it's also from the car industry itself it's self-policing, much of it.
And it's pedestrian legislation.
Is it? So, what kind of things wouldn't be allowed, if you did the DB7 in a few years time.
What is it that's going to change on it? Well, pedestrian legislation dictates you have to have a lot of air under the bonnet, between the bonnet and the engine.
So, if you run someone over, their head hits the bonnet Yeah, and it can actually deform into the, into the bonnet.
How much? About 3 inches So, you're gonna need to get that bonnet Absolutely.
You can't just smooth it over the engine anymore like No we've got to lift it up, above the engine.
However, technology might help us there Okay.
we may be able to deploy the bonnet but that's a very difficult thing to do.
Deploy it? Actually deploy the bonnet, yes.
How do you mean, deploy it? It's actually lifts up as a pedestrian approaches.
What, when you hit someone? Yes.
Very difficult to do.
That's fantastic.
You almost hurt someone running over Very difficult to do.
I'm gonna run that person over.
Whoa, look at my bonnet.
Boing! That is very sensitive.
That is you think that might be possible? That may be possible, but it's not the immediate answer.
There's also other other legislation that's coming in mainly from the US for looking after unbelted occupants.
That's those people, who driver a car who do no wear seatbelts, we must look after them according to the law.
American law? Absolutely.
So, if they don't put on and Wilbur goes A lot of people in America "Hell, I'm too fat to get this round.
" A lot of people in America don't wear seatbelts.
-Really, absolutely.
-Really? And you've got to design a car And we we have to protect them so that they don't hurt themselves.
on impact, absolutely.
Yeah.
So what kind of what, how will this change the shape of the front, of that bit.
Well, what happens is we calculate the trajectory of the head and that effectively sets up a package which comes in through the front of the car here.
And what it'll mean in this car, is that this point here, has to go up and possibly forwards.
Which means the screen probably gets steeper, because and this presumably well you'll have to move that out.
he can't hit So that'll go and you have to move that out as well, yes.
So, that will come up That's Postman Pat's van.
It's getting there, yeah, it's basically there.
You've got it going straight to here and then along.
Well that's probably exaggerating but we do call it the ice cream van at work.
Well, I'll tell you what I'd like to do now, okay Yes.
is, I love it when I see these car designers they can draw cars, kind of, beautifully when you just give them a pen and paper.
Some of them can.
I don't If you did the if you did the Escort Cosworth and that you can draw a car.
Okay, let's get Peter in as well.
Peter, this is your easel here Ian, that's your easel there.
Now, we wanna think of something we want them to draw.
Any suggestions? No, something we want to see in the future.
E-type? How about a modern day E-Type? Since you're at Jaguar, this shouldn't be too difficult, and you're well, at Jaguar as well, actually, although higher up.
So, we let's go, right, you can both get cracking now.
Quite trick and I tell you what There's another easel here, I'll have a go as well.
How hard can it be to be a car designer? Peter, is this okay for you? Cause having worked at Volvo They had Etch-A-Sketches there, didn't they? That's true, we we we don't use computers Etch-A-Sketch yeah First time we've ever had actually I always start with the wheels anyone got a coin I can draw around? Are you gonna be doing it with current legislation borne in mind, or are you gonna be doing what you'd like to do without the Americans being involved? I think we'll do what we like to do.
Yeah.
Okay, that's a good idea.
How big should it be, with wheels that big? Why are you laughing? It's not a Hummer.
It's it's an E-Type.
I finished.
It's fantastic, let's have a look at yours then.
Where's the engine? Is it in the front? Front a front engined It's in front, the front, yes.
Front engined.
That's fantastic.
Could be a little better actually.
I quite like that you've got no overhang at all the DB7 has got quite a big one actually.
None at all.
That's very beautiful and let's have a look what the former Volvo man has done.
Well Early days, but It's exactly the same.
How did you do that? That is exactly the same as Turn the other way, get the camera, that's exactly the same as Can we get the two of them brought together? I'd definitely put your name on this, he's nicked it.
Look at that.
Okay.
They're exactly the same.
Well, that's why we're both designing Jaguars.
Exactly.
And, do you know what I think, looking at this? I suspect boys, that there is an E-Type Jag coming and that you both know exactly what it looks like.
If you want to vote, for what you think is the best looking car ever, you can do so by going near an internet or sending us a letter in a postbox.
Or, you can telephone, using a cellular telephone something.
Anyway, thank you very much, Ian Callum, Peter Horbury.
Love for you to have you along.
Thank you.
Well the tape has been edited.
Oh, put me out of my misery please.
Shall we see the lap? Oh, go on, please.
Play the lap.
Oh, that's good.
Doing this in the pouring rain.
That was rubbish.
Floor, floor, floor, floor, floor, floor, floor.
Second.
Ooooh, Ross go.
That was too steep.
Looks a lot slower on television doesn't it? Second, you brake too soon.
Plan your anne taps it Full power, full power, full power.
Brake.
Oh, you're too early.
Bring it in gotta put some power on it, Ross.
Oh, you lost all your power, son Messed up the last bend.
You messed up the last bend.
the last bit, there you go.
Now, the thing is it was, as you pointed out at the start raining, okay? Rain slows you down It was So, what we thought we'd do, after you did that we sent the Stig the tame racing driver out.
Now he went round on a dry track 1:46.
We sent him out in the wet and he did a 1:50.
So, in other words, he was 4 seconds slower because of the rain.
So, would you like to know what your wet time was? Get the camera in nice and tight on Ross.
Shall we tell you? Why did i say I'd come on this show If you're slower than Harry Enfield I hate you I hate you so much Clarkson.
I'm gonna get you back at some point, don't worry.
Remember, we can take 4 seconds off this for a dry time.
your time, Ross Kemp The star This is the wet time? Is this the your wet time, Star in a Reasonably Priced Car was And I think a round of applause for that.
Well, I'm surprised.
Because, actually I'm gonna put you there.
I've got a W on it for wet, okay? I'm very wet.
Actually, you and I we're the same.
I like that.
I like that Well done.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ross Kemp.
Right.
Grannies doing doughnuts.
It is time.
They've seen what they've gotta do.
All they've gotta do now is have a go.
And we get to see what happens.
So, they're all gonna have a go at this, but first up Joy had a bash in our Joy is 73.
You don't mind me saying that from London, and is proud to say, she once won an essay writing competition, so congratulations to you, but this was a bit more exciting.
Here's what happened.
I can't reach the pedals.
Right, well, we'll put it forward.
Try the clutch.
Make sure you can get full travel on the clutch.
I've never taken my clutch off like that, ever.
Always very careful with my clutch.
I do it sort of, you know, gently.
You asked Joy? She's quite nervous, is Joy though, isn't she? Yes.
Yes, good going.
I want you to dip the clutch dip your clutch now, build the revs up build the revs up, let the clutch out, hard.
That's it, keep it there, keep it there.
don't do anything, just keep that keep doing like that.
Good girl.
Keep going, keep going, keep going let the yeah, good girl, good girl, keep going, go, go, go less throttle, don't touch the throttle, ease off on the throttle that's it, well done.
Good girl.
That what we we didn't know what to say.
Joy, that was what a star, that was fantastic.
But that's that's not all okay? Cause, now the ne now the next three have a go.
Okay, this is Gwyneth Dip the clutch, build the revs up, clutch out.
Gwendy, power power more, more power, let's go, keep it going there keep it going, keep going, keep going, com don't stop there now Yay.
And that's the one.
Turn it about.
And now it's Beryl.
Build the revs up, let the clutch out, hard now.
Keep your foot on the throttle.
Good, that's good, keep it going.
Keep on the throttle, that's good.
Keep going, keep going.
Keep going on the throttle.
Harder on the throttle.
Harder.
Harder, that's good.
Keep it there, keep it there, keep it there keep it going, now, keep it there, now, keep it there.
Keep your foot hard on the throttle.
That's good.
I'm on that cat's eye.
And back now, to Gwyneth.
Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going Yes.
That's it good.
Let it out now, hard.
Keep it down, keep it down.
And, finally Ann.
Good, good.
Keep it there.
Keep doing just the same.
That's it.
Keep it going.
She's going Keep it going, keep going.
Good girl.
You're going round and round and round.
Well done.
You can hear the applauds.
Keep going.
Don't stop now and you're gonna do the best one.
Don't stop.
Don't stop, keep it going keep it going.
Get your foot right off the clutch.
That's good.
Keep going.
Look and care stop now.
Go straight ahead.
Fantastic.
How was that? Brilliant.
Well done.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I I can't tell you, how exciting that was to be there.
You were all stars, but we've proven then, that, you know older people, can drive properly.
But we wanted to know, how far can you go with this? I mean, you know, 70s This is Sadie, hello.
Hello.
How old are you Sadie, we don't mind knowing, come on.
I'm not telling you.
She's 80.
Yes No.
Richard.
She is 80.
Watch this.
Could you imagine doing that round Piccadilly Circus? Yes.
You'd raise a few eyebrows Oh my word.
She's not rational.
We we don't drive like this in fashion.
Oh, hello.
Hang on in there, Sadie.
Power on, hard power, go on, power.
Power it now, hard.
Give power, hard.
Harder.
More power, more power.
Keep it there.
Just just keep it there now, that's good.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going good, go, good.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Good girl.
Good girl.
More here, now, just a little bit more here.
Fantastic.
Keep it going.
Not too much throttle, back off a bit on the throttle.
Back up a bit.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
Okay, let's stop now.
Stop.
Stop.
Ab you what a star.
That was y And what got me was that once she start she wouldn't stop until the tyres were gone.
And yours was better, than than Russ the instructor.
She did the best doughnut.
Well without Russ, what would we have done? Well, now They liked Russ.
I'm gonna say to all of you Oh yes.
you are all as we've established, stars.
Oh yes.
Old people can drive.
Grannies can drive, and boy can they, just I think fantastic.
I've never seen anything like that.
I haven't, honestly.
It's am it's amongst the most inspiring sights I've ever seen.
When Sadie and her little white head just disappears in smoke.
Another challenge; we had the old ladies in if you are a man of the cloth, and we're not being, um we can be multi-denominational about this, if you like Yeah.
Any religious denomination.
We can have Mullahs or Rabbis or Yeah.
Priests.
I'm struggling for any other whatever other ones are there.
I don't know any more.
Anyway, if you're one of those type of people, who goes to work collar on back to front dress whatever you think you can drive you think you can get round our test track more quickly than someone from another religion get in touch.
No, that's a very ske that's a personally good idea.
a good idea.
We're quite we were quite looking forward to that.
I'd quite like to see Hector the rector up against a Mullah.
That'll be a bit good yeah? He's been Mullah'd at the Hammerhead, i want to say that.
Some committed moves in here.
so, write to us, at what address should we have this week? I'm a man of God and I want to drive fast Top Gear, BBC Television Woodlane, London I never know this properly London, W12 7T S or F.
S.
W12.
Put both.
And Or, you can use an internet your ecclesiastical internet.
Or you can use a quill and a carrier pigeon.
Now, in the first program of the series, we saw that magnificent Zonda go round our test track in the capable hands of the Stig in an amazing 1:23 and we all thought, well that's that, that's it, we've peaked on the first program.
we'll never see anything go round quicker than that.
But we threw it out to the world and said well, look, if you've got a car that you think can beat that get in touch.
Predictably, we had thousands of responses most of which, frankly, we threw away.
but we heard from one that listen, it caught my eye.
Didn't catch my eye.
A small a small company called Westfield.
And this is their car.
It is the Westfield XTR.
And It's awful.
It's not, it's This program's supposed to be about style.
I've put my special trousers on, you've turned up with this.
Listen cargo pants, it's it's stylish, it's for following function, it looks good.
And another thing, we said you could only take a car on that track, to take on the Zonda, if it's road legal.
Yes, and you can.
Look.
So, that'll be it on the road then.
Alright, so you can take it on the road.
But, listen it's never gonna beat the Zonda on the track cause the Zonda has a It's a 1.
3 liter engine, Jeremy.
But it's very light.
Listen, have you driven one? No way I'm gonna look it's I'm 42 years old, you don't get in orange cars when you're 42.
Probably a good point.
Dignity, man.
Well, I have driven it.
Look.
The Westfield XTR.
It only has a 1300cc engine.
It doesn't have a leather, chrome, aluminium and carbon fibre interior.
It doesn't really have an interior.
You don't get a pair of the Pope's shoes with it like you do with the Zonda.
You don't actually get a windscreen, in fact.
And you can build one yourself, in your garage for under 20 grand.
But, this only weighs Now, a Mini weighs almost three times that much.
So just maybe we could have a proper David and Goliath thing going on here.
Now, that engine, yeah it's only a 1300 but it's a bike engine.
A Suzuki Hayabusa to be precise which means it develops 170 brake horsepower.
And in a car this light that equates to a power to weight ratio of That's a lot.
It's a heck of a lot.
The mighty Zonda only manages 440 brake horsepower per tonne.
So, maybe, a budget DIY job could embarrass a mega money supercar.
The best thing about having a bike engine is it means revs and more revs.
And then more revs, it's incredible.
Every control is absolutely rigid.
the steering, it's like reaching down and turning the wheels with my hand.
Because it's a bike engine, we also get a bike clutch.
Now that's designed to be used with your fingers, not your foot.
It means you've gotta be very, very precise and careful with it.
Once, again that grip just This car is so much better than I am.
It's laughing at me.
Do you know, I've sorted my Christmas list Dear Father Christmas, don't bother coming down the chimney I'll just leave the garage door open.
Drop it off.
See, what a machine.
It's a proper, little, Jack Russell.
So will it be able to go round our test track faster than the mighty Zonda? No.
Thanks for your faith.
Right, well, we'll see.
That's the Stig, there's the telemetry, look.
There he goes.
That is now slow.
Tell me that that is not a slow car, is it? Well, it's not as fast as the Zonda, I'll tell you.
There's no way a the first corner as fast as the Zonda.
No way.
Look, how he goes through that first corner that's an interesting line through there.
Power to weight, you see, guys? Power to weight.
Now,, as you know, this is the telemetry.
you can see the G on the little graph in the middle as he comes up now into the Steady State corner.
Chicago corner we call this.
There's the map, you can see the little red dot progressing around.
Here's his speed the Zonda was doing the Zonda was doing Look at those numbers, Jeremy.
Look at this thing corner though, when it gets to the next corner, it's just Okay this is the Hammerhead, the most feared corner on any track.
It'll unsettle nearly anything.
But not that.
Look, if the S if you could see You wanna know something terrifying? Yes? That's 2 seconds faster than the Zonda at that point.
Thank you.
If you could see the Stig's face and it's probably a good job you can't it would be smiling, I reckon.
I mean look at this, look at this He's nearly he's gonna be losing, he's losing now.
And he's he's not at a no, no, no He's pushing it's cornering speed.
no, you're talking rubbish.
You're not tall enough.
Speed through all the corners.
You're nowhere near tall enough to know.
I'm gonna mention power to weight again in a minute, Jeremy.
So Here comes the time.
1:20 1:21 1:22 That's fantastic.
How good was that? A 20 grand car you can build in your shed that's in your shed, guys beat the Zonda.
So I'm gonna put that one here.
XTR What was it? X Yeah, alright, thank yo it was 1: no it was T to 1:23.
But, we all know that the Zonda did it in 1:23something That goes on the top.
That is the quickest car.
The Westfield did it.
And on that bombshell, we en Oh no before you do that Jeremy, important thing Remember earlier on, with the designers in and Jeremy did his bit of drawing for us.
Oh, I'd forgotten about that.
Would you like to see your picture? Bearing in mind how many cars this man has driven over the centuries Have a look at this Yeah this is this is his car.
I'm better at driving.
Let's have a look.
Show everyo look at that! Wow.
What is that? I mean it's good.
The only problem was that my wheels went a bit wrong.
It's utterly pathetic.
We ought to send that to Hyundai.
Yes.
That's their next new model.
Free.
You can have that.
They'd bite your arm off probably.
They'd have it.
There's no point telling you what's in next week's show, cause we always change our minds at the last minute.
but, you can be assured there'll be some of this.
That's the Aston Martin Vanquish versus the Ferrari 575 with the Fiorano Handling Pack on it.
Don't miss it.
Night.
mmm doughnuts.