Top Gear (US) s01e03 Episode Script
Flying Coupe DeVille
1 Now on Top Gear We find out how much car you can get for $1,000, That window doesn't go down.
We welcomed a "modern family's" man on our track.
Unleashed.
too bad.
And we go back to the of nescar.
Welcome at "Top Gear".
On this show nobody would get a make over, you will find nobody but if you love cars, you're in the right place.
I'm Ferrara.
That's Faust.
And this is Ruledge Wood.
Now, we all know the economies , and that give our producer an idea.
The average cost of a car in the U.
S.
is just under $29,000.
But what could you get if you spent less, much less? So they gave us $1,000, told us to go out and buy the best car we could find.
Then we were all to meet in a small town in north carolina.
They handed us a series of challenges to figure out who got the best deal.
Wood: Our meeting place North Wilkesboro, North Carolina, the heart of the rural south.
Since this challenge was in my backyard, I was the first one to arrive.
This is the 1987 ford thunderbird turbo coupe.
It was motor trend's car of the year for 1987, and really, it was the first time that we saw the ideas of japanese and german engineering come together to work in an american car.
And I got it for 1,000 bucks.
[horn honks.]
Tanner rolled up next.
Is it my high-school science teacher? What are you driving? 1987300zx Nissan's foray into the sports-car world in the U.
S.
and the ideal road-trip car.
You know we're in the south, right? Yeah.
That's why I don't want - to get stuck on the side of - Pride of america, and you showed up in a Nissan? - It's reliable, and that's why I got it.
- Is it female? Because I noticed it's been wearing a bra for a long time.
Maybe it is.
You, on the other hand, are in trouble.
What is in there? Oh, it's custom.
It's a custom interior.
- It was really hard to find like that.
- There's, like, a fuel pump.
16-inch after-market alloys.
Foust: And somebody's sweatpants.
Are those yours? No, but they're nice.
They're all cotton.
They've got blood and grease on them.
Oh, no.
That's just years of performance and power.
Don't tell me that's what I think it is.
Holy crap, it's a coupe de ville.
Huh? I worry about adam sometimes.
Wow.
Ah ah.
[laughs.]
Wow! 1976 cadillac coupe de ville.
Gentlemen, this is a sign of prestige and class, as you can plainly see, and the end of an era.
This is the last of the big cadillacs.
In 1977, all the caddies got smaller and elvis died on the toilet.
Wow! No offense to elvis, but there's a reason both of those things happened.
There's some grandfather wandering around right now lost, - looking for his baby.
- Did you see this? Real positive.
A full-sized spare.
Oh, and, hey, a rear-view in case you want to look in the Yeah, I need that.
Yeah.
You may want that.
This was the finger pincher that would clip people's fingers off.
Here, close that again.
Wait, wait, wait.
Watch where you close it.
You won't pinch your fingers because it has - Get your fingers in there.
- A motor.
It's probably got what? 400 under the hood? 500, my friend.
500.
500 cubic inches.
- 500 cubic inches.
- 500 cubic inches? - Mm.
- Really? Mm.
You better start buying gas cans now.
The smart move was that you brought an american car.
Mm-hmm.
Tanner made the real bad move of bringing that japanese hunk of crap over there.
That's 'cause I wanted to get there.
Look at this thing.
[laughs.]
- And you paid 1,000 bucks for this thing.
- And it's the best value here.
This car weighs 5,000 pounds.
That's 20 cents a pound.
Pretty good deal.
That is terrible logic.
Ferrara: Logic? No, this was strategy.
I knew this caddy could take whatever ridiculous challenge the producers threw at us.
"To find out which is the best $1,000-dollar car, "you'll put them through the ultimate test of drivability, durability, "and maneuverability moonshine running.
"Back in the day, moonshine runners had to be fast, reliable, and agile "to outrun the revenuers.
"In their off days, moonshiners would race each other, which led to the beginnings of nascar.
" [clears throat.]
"Load up your trunks with bottles of grain alcohol and head across town for your first challenge.
" Adam, I'm gonna help you with your hood.
It looks funny.
Ferrara: No, don't.
No, I know what you're doing.
What are you talking about? Okay.
- You broke it! - Go, go, go.
Give me that! I don't have it! I don't have it, man! Come on! It's a cadillac! [horn honks.]
Wood: I knew a guy that could get us some grain alcohol.
Along the way, I learned that when it comes to $1,000 cars, you get what you pay for.
Now, when the turbo kicks in, it sounds fine.
I just [banging on dash.]
because the speedometer quit working, I can't tell how fast I'm going.
In '87, a thunderbird set the fastest lap in nascar history 212.
8 miles per hour with bill elliott at the wheel.
My coupe has heritage.
Ferrara: I love this car.
It reminds me of when I was a kid.
My father always had a cadillac.
And that was the car we took on vacation.
We used to camp at lake george, new york, and it was a five-hour trip from our house on long island.
And I could sleep on the back deck, right below the rear-view window.
So for $1,000, I got a cadillac.
I knew it was gonna be comfortable, I knew the ride would be smooth, and I knew that it was built like a tank.
But there are a few things that don't work.
The air conditioner doesn't work, that window doesn't go down, the glove box doesn't close, and there's a small, tiny exhaust leak.
[coughs.]
Foust: My air conditioning does work.
That is a huge bonus 'cause it is hot and humid out there.
Clutch feels pretty good.
Radio's on eternal seek, as it should be.
The dome light is eternally on.
Maybe A little bit of a vibration up f.
- Transmission - [Shifts.]
Not so good.
Horsepower I don't think we're clicking on all six cylinders, to be honest with you.
It really wouldn't even climb that last hill.
I don't think we're going anywhere fast.
Foust: Rutledge led us to a shady barn in the middle of nowhere.
- How many we have to pack in? - Man: 100.
100? That'd be 25 gallons.
Wood: Whoa, adam, you gonna be able to get out of here? That boat she's laying anchor, my friend.
Yep, that's the ground right there.
Thanks to rutledge's kinfolk, each of our cars was loaded with 100 quarts of white lightning.
And at over 50% alcohol, it was the highest-octane fuel these cars had ever carried.
[thunk.]
Oh! Foust: We were asked to drive 50 miles outside of north wilkesboro for our first challenge.
Adam, how's that land yacht doing? It looks like you laid anchor with that hitch back there.
Ferrara: All this weight does not make a bit of difference in this car, my friend.
Oh.
My car drives even better with the weight in the back.
I feel much more secure now.
You keep thinking that.
Tanner, is your car all right up there? I can hear your bottles clinking every time you key the microphone.
Foust: That's 'cause they're in the car with me.
You guys have the luxury of having all of that flammable liquid contained in a trunk.
You should light up a cigarette.
It'll relax you.
If you need a cigarette, I got several thousand butts in this one.
We arrived at our first challenge, an eighth-mile stretch of woods.
"Legendary moonshine-runner- turned-nascar-champion "junior Johnson is credited with inventing the bootleg turn, "where a driver escapes his pursuer "by putting his car into a 180-degree turn, "then speeding off in the opposite direction.
"Your cars must go to the marker, "execute a bootleg turn, and race back to the start line.
Fastest time wins.
" J - turns required a hand brake.
This is a perfect challenge for my car, but the 400 pounds of hooch could be problematic.
If I get on the grass a little bit, that'll make it kind of nice and smooth for those bottles back there.
Three, two, one, go! [engine revs.]
Come on, baby! First gear.
[laughing.]
Oh, he is in the gravel! Ferrara: Oh! Oh, wow.
Come on, baby! Come on! What'd he do? 17.
72.
Three, two, one, go! Wood: It was my turn to show the yankee and the drifter how we do it down south.
Oh, my god.
I can hardly watch.
[laughs.]
Ferrara: I think he hit the wrong brake.
And he's still going into the river.
Come on! Come on! 26 seconds even.
Yeah.
This is gonna help.
Foust: You got this, buddy.
No problem.
Go big or go home.
You ready? 30-point turn coming up.
Three, two, one, go! He is so dead right now.
Oh my God.
Look at the [both laugh.]
He had it going.
He really did.
I thought he was gonna do it.
Here, step back.
He smoked you.
He smoked you.
Wood: But adam's reckless driving cost him.
Wait a minute.
What's that down there? You know, looks like you got 50 or 60 of them blown apart.
Here, let me investigate.
Step back.
Oh! There it is! It's right there.
- That's terrible.
- Trunk's coming down! Trunk's coming down! "Congratulations on completing your first day.
"Since moonshiners often spent the night, "sleeping in their cars out in the woods, - "to evade the authorities " - What? You'll be doing the same.
" [laughs.]
That son of a That sounds awesome! Moonshiners! Those seats don't even recline that far.
Oh, that sucks so bad.
Ferrara: Coming up, we push our $1,000 cars I'm gonna die.
And ourselves to the limit.
- Oh, this is gonna be so bad! - Throttle! Hit it! Foust: We were weighed down by 25 gallons of booze.
During the journey to the campsite, our cars were really starting to show their true Value? Oh, my gosh.
I can't even make it up this hill.
[laughing.]
Oh, shit.
Ferrara: You breathing a little heavy after that, tanner? Yeah, that hill was a little steeper than it looked, huh? And this car is getting hotter and hotter by the minute.
If anyone's curious, I'm trying the old heater-on trick, Which is great since it's only I don't know 90 degrees in the car already.
Y'all are gonna have to slow down.
This sucker is we are all the way in the red.
I'm gonna have to pull over.
[beeping.]
Ferrara: Rutledge's car was having some issues So we decided to give him a hand.
[horn honks.]
Foust: Do you feel guilty leaving him back there? I don't think we had an option, really.
Ferrara: I felt a little guilty, but it went away very quickly.
How much you want to bet rutledge gets put up by, like, a sweet, old grandlady.
He's gonna "yes, ma'am" his way into a shower and a bed.
As we neared our campsite, Rutledge was still somewhere in rural North Carolina, bonding with his turbo coupe.
[laughing.]
Oh! Bone dry! Wood: No wonder my engine was overheating.
The thermostat was stuck.
There's got to be something in here to poke a hole in that thermostat.
A textbook.
That won't help.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! That pen would.
[pen clicking.]
There we go.
I had to sacrifice some of my rocket fuel for dirty puddle water to fill my radiator.
That should be fine.
It's an '87.
Who cares? I'm pretty sure that we're kind of getting duped a little bit.
Moonshiners why would they stay in their cars? If they got stuck? No.
No.
No, they were, like, masters of not getting stuck, right? At least I got a comfortable car to sleep in.
You're gonna sleep sitting up.
- Thanks for reminding me.
- [Horn honks.]
No way is that rutledge.
- Hey, fellas.
- We're just saving you a seat here.
- How are you, pal? - Oh, thanks.
I could use one.
I've been working a little bit.
You know, I didn't want to leave you.
Really? I didn't get that same feeling.
Foust: We were so happy to see rutledge, we broke out the good stuff.
Clink.
[coughing.]
Oh, my god! That is so smooth.
Mmm.
Mmm.
[snorts.]
That is awesome.
Oh, it's burning so much Right in here.
[gagging.]
[retching.]
You need somebody to hold your hair? [spits.]
[wood coughing.]
Ohh! Hey, I went and checked.
That wasn't a bear I heard.
Yeah, take a big ol' It does kind of sting a little bit.
You think it's flammable? - Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
Oh, you're gonna spit on it? Hell yes.
[laughing.]
Oh! - [spits.]
- Oh! [both laugh.]
- Take it! - Oh! Oh, it burns my whole face.
I think my beard's falling out.
Ferrara: This is fun.
I am the god of hellfire.
Whoa! [laughs.]
Spit on the fire already, tough guy.
You know the scariest thing, though, right? Sasquatch.
Cannonball coming at you.
[high-pitched voice.]
I'm gonna die.
Why don't you say that to my face? Oh! Oh! Oh! Wood: Camping turned out to be pretty fun.
- I think it's time for me to retire.
- Good night.
Thanks to our liquid dinner, we would have no trouble sleeping in our cars.
Good night, ants.
Damn car.
[horn honks.]
Sorry.
[applause.]
That was pathetic.
That is the worst stuff I have ever put in my body.
It is, like, liquid devil.
But you're from the south.
I thought they breastfed you moonshine down there.
Live and learn Rutledge is just a big wuss.
Okay.
Well, it's no news to us.
In the news, have you guys heard about the new porsche 918 concept car? Mm-hmm.
Pretty impressive 3.
4-liter, 500-horsepower motor.
But it also has an electric motor puts out 218 horsepower.
They think combined, It'll do 198 miles an hour and get 78 miles per gallon.
I'm kind of all over this.
I think it's pretty cool.
When you hear "hybrid", I would rather think about that than that terrible prius, but I still don't think accountants would drive this.
I think they'll probably just stick to the prius.
- I mean, it's a beautiful - No.
- Enron accountants would drive this.
- Yes.
But porsche isn't the only one.
The italians are doing it, as well.
And this isn't a concept.
There's actually an electric lamborghini that you can buy now.
So, do you want to see it? [audience shouts "Yeah!".]
- There it is.
- [Laughter.]
Wait, that's the lamborghini? That's a lamborghini.
One of his sons I think it was zeppo lamborghini said, "daddy, I want to make a chainsaw.
" He's like, "all right.
Go make a chainsaw.
" So that's the electric lamborghini chainsaw.
Some good news, though.
In nevada, there's a guy, eugene disimone.
He looks like a eugene, doesn't he? Yes, he does.
So, he is standing His political platform that he is standing on is that he is gonna make it legal to drive 90 miles an hour for 24 hours if you pay 25 bucks.
25 bucks, for 24 hours, you can drive 90 miles an hour? - Yes.
What do you think of that? - That is awesome! [cheers and applause.]
You could go 90 miles an hour anywhere you want For 24 hours? Can you imagine going 90 miles an hour down the vegas strip at night, watching the lights go over? It's not on the It's on the freeway.
- But yes, that would be pretty awesome.
- You can go 90 miles an hour, through a drive-through.
[laughter.]
What do you think that works out to be a year? Like 8 grand, a little more than 8 grand.
Wow.
Who would have thought a guy with a mustache could come up with such a good idea? [laughter.]
Okay, there's a company in san francisco I have it right here they did a study on the cars most likely to get tickets and the cars least likely to get tickets.
We'll start with most likely.
You are most likely to get a ticket in a toyota camry solara, which makes no sense to me.
You shouldn't get a ticket.
You should get a trophy if you can speed in that thing.
A scion tc.
And the hummer you are most likely to get a ticket in a hummer.
Now, the cars you are least likely to get a ticket in is the mazda tribute, the kia spectra [laughter.]
- That's for sure.
- [Laughing.]
yeah.
The buick lacrosse, and the buick rainier.
Least likely to get a ticket.
I think that's probably 'cause most people that have buicks are just about to die.
Yes.
Their slogan should be, "Buick.
How's your hip?" [laughter.]
"Buick.
Your turn signal's on.
" [laughter.]
"Buick.
It worked for tiger woods.
" - [audience groans.]
- Oh.
Or it could be [applause.]
All right, I've got something I want to show you guys, and it's right over here.
So, this is the 2012 mustang boss 302.
It's built basically off of a mustang gt.
So it has a 5.
0, but this one's been massaged New heads, new valve train, new intake, new pistons.
All that together is good for 440 horsepower.
But the best part it redlines at 7,500 rpms.
That's a lot for a v-8.
Yeah.
Now, this is the laguna seca edition.
So that means they were trying to beat the time of the m3, which they did.
They started with a set of r-compound tires and built the suspension around that.
So in this one, you've got adjustable shocks, stiffer roll bars.
You've got a backseat rear delete with a huge crossbar.
I mean, this is a real racecar.
With a live rear axle? Hell yes! Okay.
I think it's cool.
It's just that all mustangs look the same to me.
There's like 98 different versions of the mustang you can get, different packages The super snake, the super whatever.
And this one - It looks the same as the rest of them.
- How could it look the same? You've got 19s on it.
It's got 14-inch brembos on it, the same size that's on the dodge acr, a huge, real splitter, not just for looks.
Now, the acr does have them on the back also.
- What does that one have? - Slightly smaller.
This has recaros.
- [laughter.]
- It's got a six-speed short shift.
I mean, this is a real stout car.
Now, I see they've done some stuff here.
This is a pretty bona fide splitter.
- It goes all the way back.
- That's a ford racing catalog part.
That's a real splitter.
But it is a foot off the ground, which means it will do almost nothing.
[laughter.]
- This car, this car - Why are you such a snob? You're upset that it beat the m3, aren't you? Because this car can actually get in your driveway.
It's a real racecar that you can really drive.
But the sound is my favorite.
You guys want to hear it? [audience shouts "Yeah!".]
Now, keep in mind This is totally stock.
They have exhaust that'll come out the back.
And they've got turn-downs.
[engine turns over, revs.]
He's gonna keep doing that, so we're gonna take a break.
And when we come back, "modern family's" ty burrell will be with us.
Our guest tonight stars in the hit show "modern family.
" Please help me welcome ty burrell.
[cheers and applause.]
- How are you, pal? - Not bad.
- Come on here and have a seat.
- I will.
I like this.
I like this.
You like that? You know where that's from? Is it from that coupe de ville? No, no.
It's not from that coupe de ville.
- That is from a grand cherokee.
- Really? Yeah, it was parked in the lot this morning.
Nice.
- So, thank you for being here.
- Thanks for having me.
You're having an amazing year.
You guys won an emmy.
- "Modern family's" wonan emmy, right? - Yeah.
You were nominated for an emmy, too.
And entertainment weekly called this gentleman right here "this season's breakout comedy actor.
" [applause.]
You deserve all that stuff you're having a great year, and now you're in an airplane hangar, sitting on stolen seats.
- Come on.
Does it get any better? - See how fickle showbiz can be, my friend? - That's right.
- So you guys had a car on the show.
You had a country squire wagon? Yes, it's a gigantic station wagon with the fake wood paneling and everything.
The family has this car, and they can't get rid of it.
They're trying to sell it, but the sentimental value's too high.
And so they take it out for one last sort of picnic, and it ends in complete catastrophe with the car going over the edge of a hill.
- And - We do that here a lot.
So it was really it was, you know, really a blast to shoot.
At the same time, I was buying a 1965 volkswagen beetle from a guy who was having a very difficult time letting go of it.
This guy I called him and said, "I'm really interested in the beetle.
" And he started to interview me.
- To buy [laughing.]
the car? - To buy the car.
He literally was, like, asking me questions to see if I was up to purchasing the car.
Were you buying it or adopting it? [laughing.]
Yeah.
No, yeah.
And he really was like, "uh-huh.
And what do you plan on using the car for?" "I would like it to travel from one place to another.
That would be great.
" [laughs.]
So I finally passed muster, and then he said, "okay, but before you pick up the car, I'm actually gonna need a weekend with the car.
" I think his words were, "I need to take it out for a beer.
" Now, I'm trying to send him pictures and stuff - and let him kind of keep in touch.
- Oh, that's nice.
Does he have visitation? Is he allowed to come out? We're working with the state of california on that.
Very good.
- And that's your daily driver? - Yeah.
- That's very safe.
- [Laughing.]
Yeah.
Trust me, I do nothing but drive this car when I'm driving.
It's not like a modern car where, like, people text and drive or talk on the phone and drive or whatever.
So I'm literally doing this and pulling a series of pulleys and flaps.
And, you know, it's, like, you drive.
- Were you always a volkswagen guy? - Yeah, yeah.
I was looking for a beetle because that was the car we had when I was a kid.
So it was largely sentimental.
So, how do you think you did on the lap? You want to take a look? I'm very curious.
If it would hold true to my normal driving, I would think it's pretty slow.
But I don't know.
We'll see.
Okay.
Okay.
You guys want to see the lap? [audience shouts "Yeah!".]
Let's take a look.
Dozens of horsepower Unleashed.
That was such a "little old lady" start.
Nothing like driving with wipers on to make you feel like a racecar driver.
Safety first.
We like that.
This is the teardrop.
This is the slowest part of the track.
- And I made it slower.
- No! - Look at that.
- Feeling Raw Fear.
Must be the power.
This is the quickest part of the track.
Look at that.
You're hitting that nice.
Don't get too close, camerapeople, don't get too close to me That's very sweet.
You're singing a warning.
All right, you're coming into cameraman's curve.
- Ooh.
- Yep.
Exactly.
For the first time in my life, I feel alive.
Is is the final corner right here.
There you go.
You're getting on it now.
Nice finish across the line.
[cheers and applause.]
Well done.
Now, that was a wet lap.
We do mark it as a wet lap, just so you know.
Right.
I can almost guarantee that you will be somewhere in the top three.
Yes! Where do you think you came? Uh, I'm gonna say 2:45.
[laughter.]
Well, you did it in 1:4 Oh! 6 [applause.]
.
6.
.
6.
1:46.
6, and it was a wet lap.
So we're gonna put you here, but that was a wet lap.
You're above an astronaut and below a hobbit.
All right! And you were a great guest.
Thank you for being here.
- Thank you.
- Ty burrell.
Thanks.
Coming up, tanner, rutledge, and I continue our southern journey in our $1,000 cars.
- again.
- Yeah.
Welcome back to "top gear.
" Tonight we're finding out just how much car you can buy for $1,000 by taking three bargain-basement rides and putting them through the ultimate test.
That is, of course, moonshine running.
Yeah, to get away from revenuers, moonshiners had to have cars that were fast, agile, and reliable, and thanks to those early moonshiners, We now have the great sport known as nascar.
Yes.
Thanks to your people's hard work, we can all enjoy driving 200 miles an hour in a circle.
You suck.
Okay, let's get back on the road.
[rooster crows.]
Ferrara: Spending the night in our cars certainly took a toll on us.
No sleep and a long road trip don't mix.
Sleeping in the car sure did suck.
[yawning.]
Oh, my gosh.
Ferrara: I had good time last night.
We were spitting fire.
That's cool.
Wake up.
Rutledge threw up.
That's cool.
Almost fell asleep right there.
I just had a dream.
Wood: We had a 100-mile drive to our next challenge.
Adam and tanner were brimming with confidence.
I just wanted the t - bird to win an event.
Wood: I really think adam thinks he made the right choice, you know? He's italian.
He's in a coupe de ville.
He thinks that car is the stuff 'cause growing up, if you had one of those, you were cool.
Now, when I was growing up, if you had a car like adam's, It meant you were 80 and you might die soon.
Ferrara: Looking out of the hood, it's just like loong out the deck of a battleship.
Planes could land on this roof.
So the seventh number on this vin number is an "e.
" That means this car was made in new jersey.
I'm just passing, as we speak, 278,000 miles.
That's more than 10 times around the planet at the equator.
This little car has driven 10 times around the planet and is still running almost perfectly.
Unbelievable.
Ferrara: It was time for our next challenge.
All right, fellas.
"CShallenge number two the ultimate durability test.
"in order to evade revenuers, "moonshine runners didn't always stick to the road.
"With police in hot pursuit, "they often took shortcuts through the woods, "crossing creeks, fallen trees, and steep terrain.
"To find out if your cars are cut out for bootlegging, they will be put to the test in this off-road course.
" This course was made for dirt bikes and billy goats, but we had no choice.
The fastest car around would win.
All right.
Finally a challenge I can sink my teeth into.
- With that? - Yeah, I'm ready.
Have you looked at the course? There's two huge jumps.
There's a cliff by that giant tree right there.
Yeah.
We're screwed.
Is that your lack of confidence I hear? That is refreshing.
I would like another sip.
Pick a number from 1 to 10.
- 7.
- Close.
8.
You go first.
- Yeah.
Let's do it.
- That didn't sound fair.
[exhales sharply.]
[engine revs.]
This is gonna be bad.
- You ready? - Yep.
- Go! - Go! [jars clinking.]
Oh! Big turn.
- Here comes the big jump.
- Gearshift.
Oh! Oh, there's a water hole.
Now, if by some miracle your car makes it through the water feature, this part will get you.
[jars shattering.]
Oh, that was There was some definite breakage there.
Oh, he's shortcutting.
Look at him.
Oh, no! - Oh! - Oh, man! [laughs.]
Almost rolled it over! Uh-oh.
I think it's done.
No! [engine revs.]
Should we tell him he already crossed the finish line? Nah, let him go.
The kid's having fun.
Let him play.
[laughs.]
Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Come on.
Come on.
[engine whining.]
Yes! He thinks that's the finish line.
Yeah! [laughs.]
- Wood: [laughing.]
Oh, wow! - Ferrara: There's one.
It's everywhere.
Look, it's leaking from here.
I meant to tell you, you crossed the finish line right there.
- That's what those other cones indicated.
- Right there.
- We didn't tell you that? - No.
So that other stuff, when you were just killing the car, that was just for us.
Thank you.
Wood: My old bird was up next.
Do you think he's gonna go for it or granny-drive it? I think he's gonna go for it.
Foust: No, look at him pull up to the line.
He's gonna granny-drive the hell out of it.
[exhales sharply.]
This is it, t-bird.
We've had our ups and downs, you broke on me, but now I need you more than ever.
Just let me win one event.
Oh, man.
This is a guy conquering some fears.
I'm ready.
Let's kick ass.
Three, two, one, - Go! - Go! Come on, rutledge.
[laughs.]
Come on, baby.
Come on.
There we go! Oh! Oh! Don't chicken out.
Come ov, come on, come on, come on! Whoo! - [laughing.]
Yes! - Yeah! Oh, that was awesome! Done.
[laughs.]
Hello! Even though he drove like betty white, Ferrara: Rutledge still managed to do some damage.
Oh my God.
Adam was next.
There's no way he could win.
Just sailing that 5,000-pound boat on the course was inviting disaster.
Foust: Do you want to make bets on if he gets stuck? I think the bet is how soon he gets stuck.
You're gonna do great.
You're gonna do great.
Good luck.
He is so screwed.
It was nice knowing you, caddy.
He's seriously scared out of his shorts right now.
I don't know how to tell you this, tanner.
Everybody needs to become a man at some point, and he chose to become a man in a '76 coupe de ville.
And that was his mistake.
That's the same thing that happened to me.
That's so weird.
Mine was a '78, but God, am I nervous! This is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever done.
What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? You ready, sweetheart? Me and you.
Foust: Coming up, our moonshine running comes to a spectacular end.
Wood: Go, go, go! - [siren wailing.]
- He hit the grass.
Look at that! What the hell am I doing? I'm off-roading in a battleship with a trunk full of alcohol, listening to two guys in plaid shirts that I can't trust.
We're going in, kid.
Okay, adam.
Here we go.
Three, two, one - Go! - Go! Oh, he's taking the grass! Oh! Oh, no! [laughs.]
Oh, my god.
He's going way [both laughing.]
He's going way too fast.
[laughing.]
Oh! [thunk.]
[laughs.]
How is it possible he's still going? - Oh, through the water.
- Oh, man.
This is where he gets stuck.
[both laugh.]
He goes over the water.
Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, no.
[laughs.]
No! Oh! Oh, man! Oh, he almost rolled it.
Oh, come on, adam.
- Throttle.
Throttle.
Hit it! - Oh, this is gonna be so bad.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-da-da! [both laughing.]
Yeah, adam! Dude, the car is bent! Look at it! Look at it.
It is like a canoe right now.
Oh! Stop it! [laughing.]
Stop the clock! [clapping.]
How did that just happen? Oh, was that fun! That's my baby! Mwah! That's my baby! - Are you okay? - [Laughing.]
yeah.
Wow.
That was unbelievable.
I want to make fun of you so much and tell you it was awful, but I've never seen flight like that.
The door I can't open the door.
- Did you have to climb out of the window? - [Laughing.]
Yes.
- You broke the windshield.
- Yeah.
- Dude, the whole car is bent.
- Yeah.
- You bent that entire front.
- Yeah.
And does it still run? - I don't know.
- Foust: Yeah, he did a 2.
38.
I did a 2:01.
You did a 1:52.
Yes! Yes! [laughter.]
Wood: Look at all the lids.
Look at them.
You smashed every single bottle.
Look at all that glass, dude.
We should close that before it just ignites.
- Quickly.
- You know what? I feel like The motor works! My trunk motor still works.
Wood: But after that beating, little else on the cadillac did.
And with one moonshine challenge left, it limped off the battlefield.
Foust: "Welcome to the rock rockingham speedway, "where nascar legends from junior johnson "to jeff gordon have traded paint.
"There's a good reason so many moonshine runners became nascar champions "when stealth failed, it was all about speed.
This challenge will see how long you can outrun the police.
" The police? What?! We are so screwed! [tires screech.]
[siren wailing.]
[laughing.]
Oh, no.
We're done.
Officer stig.
Foust: Our cars were going to have a hard time getting away from the stig.
Our silent professional race car driver, but anything's possible here at the rock.
Inside the rock's famous oval was a 1-mile road course.
We'd each be given a 15-second head start.
Then the stig was free to hunt us down.
Whoever could elude him the longest was the winner.
I was up first, rutledge second, and adam Never.
["taps" playing.]
[engine revs.]
He makes me nervous.
Wood: You ready? Three, two, one - Go! - Go! 13, 14 There he goes.
Oh, my gosh.
This car rotates a bit.
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Oh! - Oh, he hit the grass.
Look at that! - [Laughs.]
[tires screech.]
Oh! Oh! [ferrara laughs.]
Oh, he spun.
He spun.
He's in trouble.
[metal rattling.]
Throttle completely stuck.
Here he comes.
Uh-oh.
She's starting to die.
She's overheating.
- [siren wailing.]
- Here it comes.
- Hit him! - Get him! Oh, he got him.
I'm not gonna tell him I'm impressed.
I think I killed her.
When you spun, was that the pressure - of feeling the lights on you? - No, no, no.
I wanted to see if he was there, and the mirrors are all broken off, rutledge.
I wonder how that happened.
- I don't know anything about that.
- Yeah.
- Are you up now? - I'm ready.
Do you want me to show you what a real time is? - I'm ready for that.
- Resetting.
- Rutledge is talking a pretty big game, eh? - Ferrara: Yeah.
That thunder coupe may have something in reserve.
Three, two, one, go! [engine revving.]
[beeping.]
[laughs.]
[laughing.]
Is he getting out? What are you doing? I tried to neutral-drop it.
It didn't work.
Run! That's it.
That's your head start, man! What just happened there? I don't know.
What's he doing? The police officer's gonna hit him.
He wants to hit him.
That's it.
Run! [laughs.]
Run! Use your turbo! He's hanging it out.
- [siren wailin.]
- Go, rutledge! [laughs.]
He's bailing the evidence.
[tires screech.]
1:02.
Don't say nothing! Foust: How much you want to bet he's throwing up in the backseat right now? Did you throw up back there, rutledge? That sucks so bad! - Is that number seven? - That sucks so bad! [panting.]
Yeah, I don't know what's worse.
The running or what happened in the backseat.
[laughs.]
Ferrara: In the end, this wasn't just a journey through the south.
It was a voyage back in time.
We have all owned crappy cars.
They may have been stinky, filthy, dangerous rust buckets, but when called to perform, our cars rose to the challenge, and we grew to appreciate them.
These cars may have only cost $1,000, but they gave us everything they had.
[laughter and applause.]
I love that car.
I'm still shocked that you can walk after jumping that cadillac like that.
And what was up with the ricky bobby moves you got? Decided to get away from officer stig.
You know he's really not a police officer, right? He's not? Moving on.
However, it was a great journey, - but all that really matters is who won.
- That's right.
So let's start with the j-turn.
- Now, adam, you may have beat me.
- I did.
But tanner beat you, - so we'll give him a big "x" there.
- I smoked that one.
That one worked out good.
- Next up was camping.
- Hello! That's not an event.
- Sure, it is.
I won.
Mark it down.
- Why did you win? I woke up in the morning straight as an arrow.
My spine was fine.
You guys woke up with scoliosis.
I won.
- True story.
- All right.
Off road.
And that would be me again.
You killed the car.
Yes.
Style points and the quickest time.
Mark it down.
- All right.
Fine.
- We'll give you that one.
Next up, police.
How did you? I had the lowest time.
It's not the lowest score.
This isn't golf.
It's how long you could evade the police, and he won again.
I ran.
I know.
All right, last up.
Moonshine! You get a point for spelling that correctly.
Thank you.
Now, I didn't have much left.
Adam, how about you? I had some.
- You had none! - It was in the trunk.
Your trunk was soaked with more booze than mel gibson.
[laughter.]
- How much did you have? - I had about a case.
- Really? - Yeah, - so I think I walk away with that one.
- Okay, so that would put you here.
Adam had two.
I got the goose egg.
Tanner with three.
Which means the Nissan takes it.
[applause.]
I don't know what you guys were thinking when you showed up with those cars, because I knew from the beginning, Nissan's the most versatile, reliable.
If you have 1,000 bucks and you're going moonshine running, it's a 300z.
If people had been enlightened back in the day, they would be racing Nissan Z's right now in nascar.
There'd be 300z's ripping around - in circles everywhere.
- That is blasphemous! [laughs.]
All right, well, that's all we've got this week.
Thanks for watching.
Goodbye.
We welcomed a "modern family's" man on our track.
Unleashed.
too bad.
And we go back to the of nescar.
Welcome at "Top Gear".
On this show nobody would get a make over, you will find nobody but if you love cars, you're in the right place.
I'm Ferrara.
That's Faust.
And this is Ruledge Wood.
Now, we all know the economies , and that give our producer an idea.
The average cost of a car in the U.
S.
is just under $29,000.
But what could you get if you spent less, much less? So they gave us $1,000, told us to go out and buy the best car we could find.
Then we were all to meet in a small town in north carolina.
They handed us a series of challenges to figure out who got the best deal.
Wood: Our meeting place North Wilkesboro, North Carolina, the heart of the rural south.
Since this challenge was in my backyard, I was the first one to arrive.
This is the 1987 ford thunderbird turbo coupe.
It was motor trend's car of the year for 1987, and really, it was the first time that we saw the ideas of japanese and german engineering come together to work in an american car.
And I got it for 1,000 bucks.
[horn honks.]
Tanner rolled up next.
Is it my high-school science teacher? What are you driving? 1987300zx Nissan's foray into the sports-car world in the U.
S.
and the ideal road-trip car.
You know we're in the south, right? Yeah.
That's why I don't want - to get stuck on the side of - Pride of america, and you showed up in a Nissan? - It's reliable, and that's why I got it.
- Is it female? Because I noticed it's been wearing a bra for a long time.
Maybe it is.
You, on the other hand, are in trouble.
What is in there? Oh, it's custom.
It's a custom interior.
- It was really hard to find like that.
- There's, like, a fuel pump.
16-inch after-market alloys.
Foust: And somebody's sweatpants.
Are those yours? No, but they're nice.
They're all cotton.
They've got blood and grease on them.
Oh, no.
That's just years of performance and power.
Don't tell me that's what I think it is.
Holy crap, it's a coupe de ville.
Huh? I worry about adam sometimes.
Wow.
Ah ah.
[laughs.]
Wow! 1976 cadillac coupe de ville.
Gentlemen, this is a sign of prestige and class, as you can plainly see, and the end of an era.
This is the last of the big cadillacs.
In 1977, all the caddies got smaller and elvis died on the toilet.
Wow! No offense to elvis, but there's a reason both of those things happened.
There's some grandfather wandering around right now lost, - looking for his baby.
- Did you see this? Real positive.
A full-sized spare.
Oh, and, hey, a rear-view in case you want to look in the Yeah, I need that.
Yeah.
You may want that.
This was the finger pincher that would clip people's fingers off.
Here, close that again.
Wait, wait, wait.
Watch where you close it.
You won't pinch your fingers because it has - Get your fingers in there.
- A motor.
It's probably got what? 400 under the hood? 500, my friend.
500.
500 cubic inches.
- 500 cubic inches.
- 500 cubic inches? - Mm.
- Really? Mm.
You better start buying gas cans now.
The smart move was that you brought an american car.
Mm-hmm.
Tanner made the real bad move of bringing that japanese hunk of crap over there.
That's 'cause I wanted to get there.
Look at this thing.
[laughs.]
- And you paid 1,000 bucks for this thing.
- And it's the best value here.
This car weighs 5,000 pounds.
That's 20 cents a pound.
Pretty good deal.
That is terrible logic.
Ferrara: Logic? No, this was strategy.
I knew this caddy could take whatever ridiculous challenge the producers threw at us.
"To find out which is the best $1,000-dollar car, "you'll put them through the ultimate test of drivability, durability, "and maneuverability moonshine running.
"Back in the day, moonshine runners had to be fast, reliable, and agile "to outrun the revenuers.
"In their off days, moonshiners would race each other, which led to the beginnings of nascar.
" [clears throat.]
"Load up your trunks with bottles of grain alcohol and head across town for your first challenge.
" Adam, I'm gonna help you with your hood.
It looks funny.
Ferrara: No, don't.
No, I know what you're doing.
What are you talking about? Okay.
- You broke it! - Go, go, go.
Give me that! I don't have it! I don't have it, man! Come on! It's a cadillac! [horn honks.]
Wood: I knew a guy that could get us some grain alcohol.
Along the way, I learned that when it comes to $1,000 cars, you get what you pay for.
Now, when the turbo kicks in, it sounds fine.
I just [banging on dash.]
because the speedometer quit working, I can't tell how fast I'm going.
In '87, a thunderbird set the fastest lap in nascar history 212.
8 miles per hour with bill elliott at the wheel.
My coupe has heritage.
Ferrara: I love this car.
It reminds me of when I was a kid.
My father always had a cadillac.
And that was the car we took on vacation.
We used to camp at lake george, new york, and it was a five-hour trip from our house on long island.
And I could sleep on the back deck, right below the rear-view window.
So for $1,000, I got a cadillac.
I knew it was gonna be comfortable, I knew the ride would be smooth, and I knew that it was built like a tank.
But there are a few things that don't work.
The air conditioner doesn't work, that window doesn't go down, the glove box doesn't close, and there's a small, tiny exhaust leak.
[coughs.]
Foust: My air conditioning does work.
That is a huge bonus 'cause it is hot and humid out there.
Clutch feels pretty good.
Radio's on eternal seek, as it should be.
The dome light is eternally on.
Maybe A little bit of a vibration up f.
- Transmission - [Shifts.]
Not so good.
Horsepower I don't think we're clicking on all six cylinders, to be honest with you.
It really wouldn't even climb that last hill.
I don't think we're going anywhere fast.
Foust: Rutledge led us to a shady barn in the middle of nowhere.
- How many we have to pack in? - Man: 100.
100? That'd be 25 gallons.
Wood: Whoa, adam, you gonna be able to get out of here? That boat she's laying anchor, my friend.
Yep, that's the ground right there.
Thanks to rutledge's kinfolk, each of our cars was loaded with 100 quarts of white lightning.
And at over 50% alcohol, it was the highest-octane fuel these cars had ever carried.
[thunk.]
Oh! Foust: We were asked to drive 50 miles outside of north wilkesboro for our first challenge.
Adam, how's that land yacht doing? It looks like you laid anchor with that hitch back there.
Ferrara: All this weight does not make a bit of difference in this car, my friend.
Oh.
My car drives even better with the weight in the back.
I feel much more secure now.
You keep thinking that.
Tanner, is your car all right up there? I can hear your bottles clinking every time you key the microphone.
Foust: That's 'cause they're in the car with me.
You guys have the luxury of having all of that flammable liquid contained in a trunk.
You should light up a cigarette.
It'll relax you.
If you need a cigarette, I got several thousand butts in this one.
We arrived at our first challenge, an eighth-mile stretch of woods.
"Legendary moonshine-runner- turned-nascar-champion "junior Johnson is credited with inventing the bootleg turn, "where a driver escapes his pursuer "by putting his car into a 180-degree turn, "then speeding off in the opposite direction.
"Your cars must go to the marker, "execute a bootleg turn, and race back to the start line.
Fastest time wins.
" J - turns required a hand brake.
This is a perfect challenge for my car, but the 400 pounds of hooch could be problematic.
If I get on the grass a little bit, that'll make it kind of nice and smooth for those bottles back there.
Three, two, one, go! [engine revs.]
Come on, baby! First gear.
[laughing.]
Oh, he is in the gravel! Ferrara: Oh! Oh, wow.
Come on, baby! Come on! What'd he do? 17.
72.
Three, two, one, go! Wood: It was my turn to show the yankee and the drifter how we do it down south.
Oh, my god.
I can hardly watch.
[laughs.]
Ferrara: I think he hit the wrong brake.
And he's still going into the river.
Come on! Come on! 26 seconds even.
Yeah.
This is gonna help.
Foust: You got this, buddy.
No problem.
Go big or go home.
You ready? 30-point turn coming up.
Three, two, one, go! He is so dead right now.
Oh my God.
Look at the [both laugh.]
He had it going.
He really did.
I thought he was gonna do it.
Here, step back.
He smoked you.
He smoked you.
Wood: But adam's reckless driving cost him.
Wait a minute.
What's that down there? You know, looks like you got 50 or 60 of them blown apart.
Here, let me investigate.
Step back.
Oh! There it is! It's right there.
- That's terrible.
- Trunk's coming down! Trunk's coming down! "Congratulations on completing your first day.
"Since moonshiners often spent the night, "sleeping in their cars out in the woods, - "to evade the authorities " - What? You'll be doing the same.
" [laughs.]
That son of a That sounds awesome! Moonshiners! Those seats don't even recline that far.
Oh, that sucks so bad.
Ferrara: Coming up, we push our $1,000 cars I'm gonna die.
And ourselves to the limit.
- Oh, this is gonna be so bad! - Throttle! Hit it! Foust: We were weighed down by 25 gallons of booze.
During the journey to the campsite, our cars were really starting to show their true Value? Oh, my gosh.
I can't even make it up this hill.
[laughing.]
Oh, shit.
Ferrara: You breathing a little heavy after that, tanner? Yeah, that hill was a little steeper than it looked, huh? And this car is getting hotter and hotter by the minute.
If anyone's curious, I'm trying the old heater-on trick, Which is great since it's only I don't know 90 degrees in the car already.
Y'all are gonna have to slow down.
This sucker is we are all the way in the red.
I'm gonna have to pull over.
[beeping.]
Ferrara: Rutledge's car was having some issues So we decided to give him a hand.
[horn honks.]
Foust: Do you feel guilty leaving him back there? I don't think we had an option, really.
Ferrara: I felt a little guilty, but it went away very quickly.
How much you want to bet rutledge gets put up by, like, a sweet, old grandlady.
He's gonna "yes, ma'am" his way into a shower and a bed.
As we neared our campsite, Rutledge was still somewhere in rural North Carolina, bonding with his turbo coupe.
[laughing.]
Oh! Bone dry! Wood: No wonder my engine was overheating.
The thermostat was stuck.
There's got to be something in here to poke a hole in that thermostat.
A textbook.
That won't help.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! That pen would.
[pen clicking.]
There we go.
I had to sacrifice some of my rocket fuel for dirty puddle water to fill my radiator.
That should be fine.
It's an '87.
Who cares? I'm pretty sure that we're kind of getting duped a little bit.
Moonshiners why would they stay in their cars? If they got stuck? No.
No.
No, they were, like, masters of not getting stuck, right? At least I got a comfortable car to sleep in.
You're gonna sleep sitting up.
- Thanks for reminding me.
- [Horn honks.]
No way is that rutledge.
- Hey, fellas.
- We're just saving you a seat here.
- How are you, pal? - Oh, thanks.
I could use one.
I've been working a little bit.
You know, I didn't want to leave you.
Really? I didn't get that same feeling.
Foust: We were so happy to see rutledge, we broke out the good stuff.
Clink.
[coughing.]
Oh, my god! That is so smooth.
Mmm.
Mmm.
[snorts.]
That is awesome.
Oh, it's burning so much Right in here.
[gagging.]
[retching.]
You need somebody to hold your hair? [spits.]
[wood coughing.]
Ohh! Hey, I went and checked.
That wasn't a bear I heard.
Yeah, take a big ol' It does kind of sting a little bit.
You think it's flammable? - Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
Oh, you're gonna spit on it? Hell yes.
[laughing.]
Oh! - [spits.]
- Oh! [both laugh.]
- Take it! - Oh! Oh, it burns my whole face.
I think my beard's falling out.
Ferrara: This is fun.
I am the god of hellfire.
Whoa! [laughs.]
Spit on the fire already, tough guy.
You know the scariest thing, though, right? Sasquatch.
Cannonball coming at you.
[high-pitched voice.]
I'm gonna die.
Why don't you say that to my face? Oh! Oh! Oh! Wood: Camping turned out to be pretty fun.
- I think it's time for me to retire.
- Good night.
Thanks to our liquid dinner, we would have no trouble sleeping in our cars.
Good night, ants.
Damn car.
[horn honks.]
Sorry.
[applause.]
That was pathetic.
That is the worst stuff I have ever put in my body.
It is, like, liquid devil.
But you're from the south.
I thought they breastfed you moonshine down there.
Live and learn Rutledge is just a big wuss.
Okay.
Well, it's no news to us.
In the news, have you guys heard about the new porsche 918 concept car? Mm-hmm.
Pretty impressive 3.
4-liter, 500-horsepower motor.
But it also has an electric motor puts out 218 horsepower.
They think combined, It'll do 198 miles an hour and get 78 miles per gallon.
I'm kind of all over this.
I think it's pretty cool.
When you hear "hybrid", I would rather think about that than that terrible prius, but I still don't think accountants would drive this.
I think they'll probably just stick to the prius.
- I mean, it's a beautiful - No.
- Enron accountants would drive this.
- Yes.
But porsche isn't the only one.
The italians are doing it, as well.
And this isn't a concept.
There's actually an electric lamborghini that you can buy now.
So, do you want to see it? [audience shouts "Yeah!".]
- There it is.
- [Laughter.]
Wait, that's the lamborghini? That's a lamborghini.
One of his sons I think it was zeppo lamborghini said, "daddy, I want to make a chainsaw.
" He's like, "all right.
Go make a chainsaw.
" So that's the electric lamborghini chainsaw.
Some good news, though.
In nevada, there's a guy, eugene disimone.
He looks like a eugene, doesn't he? Yes, he does.
So, he is standing His political platform that he is standing on is that he is gonna make it legal to drive 90 miles an hour for 24 hours if you pay 25 bucks.
25 bucks, for 24 hours, you can drive 90 miles an hour? - Yes.
What do you think of that? - That is awesome! [cheers and applause.]
You could go 90 miles an hour anywhere you want For 24 hours? Can you imagine going 90 miles an hour down the vegas strip at night, watching the lights go over? It's not on the It's on the freeway.
- But yes, that would be pretty awesome.
- You can go 90 miles an hour, through a drive-through.
[laughter.]
What do you think that works out to be a year? Like 8 grand, a little more than 8 grand.
Wow.
Who would have thought a guy with a mustache could come up with such a good idea? [laughter.]
Okay, there's a company in san francisco I have it right here they did a study on the cars most likely to get tickets and the cars least likely to get tickets.
We'll start with most likely.
You are most likely to get a ticket in a toyota camry solara, which makes no sense to me.
You shouldn't get a ticket.
You should get a trophy if you can speed in that thing.
A scion tc.
And the hummer you are most likely to get a ticket in a hummer.
Now, the cars you are least likely to get a ticket in is the mazda tribute, the kia spectra [laughter.]
- That's for sure.
- [Laughing.]
yeah.
The buick lacrosse, and the buick rainier.
Least likely to get a ticket.
I think that's probably 'cause most people that have buicks are just about to die.
Yes.
Their slogan should be, "Buick.
How's your hip?" [laughter.]
"Buick.
Your turn signal's on.
" [laughter.]
"Buick.
It worked for tiger woods.
" - [audience groans.]
- Oh.
Or it could be [applause.]
All right, I've got something I want to show you guys, and it's right over here.
So, this is the 2012 mustang boss 302.
It's built basically off of a mustang gt.
So it has a 5.
0, but this one's been massaged New heads, new valve train, new intake, new pistons.
All that together is good for 440 horsepower.
But the best part it redlines at 7,500 rpms.
That's a lot for a v-8.
Yeah.
Now, this is the laguna seca edition.
So that means they were trying to beat the time of the m3, which they did.
They started with a set of r-compound tires and built the suspension around that.
So in this one, you've got adjustable shocks, stiffer roll bars.
You've got a backseat rear delete with a huge crossbar.
I mean, this is a real racecar.
With a live rear axle? Hell yes! Okay.
I think it's cool.
It's just that all mustangs look the same to me.
There's like 98 different versions of the mustang you can get, different packages The super snake, the super whatever.
And this one - It looks the same as the rest of them.
- How could it look the same? You've got 19s on it.
It's got 14-inch brembos on it, the same size that's on the dodge acr, a huge, real splitter, not just for looks.
Now, the acr does have them on the back also.
- What does that one have? - Slightly smaller.
This has recaros.
- [laughter.]
- It's got a six-speed short shift.
I mean, this is a real stout car.
Now, I see they've done some stuff here.
This is a pretty bona fide splitter.
- It goes all the way back.
- That's a ford racing catalog part.
That's a real splitter.
But it is a foot off the ground, which means it will do almost nothing.
[laughter.]
- This car, this car - Why are you such a snob? You're upset that it beat the m3, aren't you? Because this car can actually get in your driveway.
It's a real racecar that you can really drive.
But the sound is my favorite.
You guys want to hear it? [audience shouts "Yeah!".]
Now, keep in mind This is totally stock.
They have exhaust that'll come out the back.
And they've got turn-downs.
[engine turns over, revs.]
He's gonna keep doing that, so we're gonna take a break.
And when we come back, "modern family's" ty burrell will be with us.
Our guest tonight stars in the hit show "modern family.
" Please help me welcome ty burrell.
[cheers and applause.]
- How are you, pal? - Not bad.
- Come on here and have a seat.
- I will.
I like this.
I like this.
You like that? You know where that's from? Is it from that coupe de ville? No, no.
It's not from that coupe de ville.
- That is from a grand cherokee.
- Really? Yeah, it was parked in the lot this morning.
Nice.
- So, thank you for being here.
- Thanks for having me.
You're having an amazing year.
You guys won an emmy.
- "Modern family's" wonan emmy, right? - Yeah.
You were nominated for an emmy, too.
And entertainment weekly called this gentleman right here "this season's breakout comedy actor.
" [applause.]
You deserve all that stuff you're having a great year, and now you're in an airplane hangar, sitting on stolen seats.
- Come on.
Does it get any better? - See how fickle showbiz can be, my friend? - That's right.
- So you guys had a car on the show.
You had a country squire wagon? Yes, it's a gigantic station wagon with the fake wood paneling and everything.
The family has this car, and they can't get rid of it.
They're trying to sell it, but the sentimental value's too high.
And so they take it out for one last sort of picnic, and it ends in complete catastrophe with the car going over the edge of a hill.
- And - We do that here a lot.
So it was really it was, you know, really a blast to shoot.
At the same time, I was buying a 1965 volkswagen beetle from a guy who was having a very difficult time letting go of it.
This guy I called him and said, "I'm really interested in the beetle.
" And he started to interview me.
- To buy [laughing.]
the car? - To buy the car.
He literally was, like, asking me questions to see if I was up to purchasing the car.
Were you buying it or adopting it? [laughing.]
Yeah.
No, yeah.
And he really was like, "uh-huh.
And what do you plan on using the car for?" "I would like it to travel from one place to another.
That would be great.
" [laughs.]
So I finally passed muster, and then he said, "okay, but before you pick up the car, I'm actually gonna need a weekend with the car.
" I think his words were, "I need to take it out for a beer.
" Now, I'm trying to send him pictures and stuff - and let him kind of keep in touch.
- Oh, that's nice.
Does he have visitation? Is he allowed to come out? We're working with the state of california on that.
Very good.
- And that's your daily driver? - Yeah.
- That's very safe.
- [Laughing.]
Yeah.
Trust me, I do nothing but drive this car when I'm driving.
It's not like a modern car where, like, people text and drive or talk on the phone and drive or whatever.
So I'm literally doing this and pulling a series of pulleys and flaps.
And, you know, it's, like, you drive.
- Were you always a volkswagen guy? - Yeah, yeah.
I was looking for a beetle because that was the car we had when I was a kid.
So it was largely sentimental.
So, how do you think you did on the lap? You want to take a look? I'm very curious.
If it would hold true to my normal driving, I would think it's pretty slow.
But I don't know.
We'll see.
Okay.
Okay.
You guys want to see the lap? [audience shouts "Yeah!".]
Let's take a look.
Dozens of horsepower Unleashed.
That was such a "little old lady" start.
Nothing like driving with wipers on to make you feel like a racecar driver.
Safety first.
We like that.
This is the teardrop.
This is the slowest part of the track.
- And I made it slower.
- No! - Look at that.
- Feeling Raw Fear.
Must be the power.
This is the quickest part of the track.
Look at that.
You're hitting that nice.
Don't get too close, camerapeople, don't get too close to me That's very sweet.
You're singing a warning.
All right, you're coming into cameraman's curve.
- Ooh.
- Yep.
Exactly.
For the first time in my life, I feel alive.
Is is the final corner right here.
There you go.
You're getting on it now.
Nice finish across the line.
[cheers and applause.]
Well done.
Now, that was a wet lap.
We do mark it as a wet lap, just so you know.
Right.
I can almost guarantee that you will be somewhere in the top three.
Yes! Where do you think you came? Uh, I'm gonna say 2:45.
[laughter.]
Well, you did it in 1:4 Oh! 6 [applause.]
.
6.
.
6.
1:46.
6, and it was a wet lap.
So we're gonna put you here, but that was a wet lap.
You're above an astronaut and below a hobbit.
All right! And you were a great guest.
Thank you for being here.
- Thank you.
- Ty burrell.
Thanks.
Coming up, tanner, rutledge, and I continue our southern journey in our $1,000 cars.
- again.
- Yeah.
Welcome back to "top gear.
" Tonight we're finding out just how much car you can buy for $1,000 by taking three bargain-basement rides and putting them through the ultimate test.
That is, of course, moonshine running.
Yeah, to get away from revenuers, moonshiners had to have cars that were fast, agile, and reliable, and thanks to those early moonshiners, We now have the great sport known as nascar.
Yes.
Thanks to your people's hard work, we can all enjoy driving 200 miles an hour in a circle.
You suck.
Okay, let's get back on the road.
[rooster crows.]
Ferrara: Spending the night in our cars certainly took a toll on us.
No sleep and a long road trip don't mix.
Sleeping in the car sure did suck.
[yawning.]
Oh, my gosh.
Ferrara: I had good time last night.
We were spitting fire.
That's cool.
Wake up.
Rutledge threw up.
That's cool.
Almost fell asleep right there.
I just had a dream.
Wood: We had a 100-mile drive to our next challenge.
Adam and tanner were brimming with confidence.
I just wanted the t - bird to win an event.
Wood: I really think adam thinks he made the right choice, you know? He's italian.
He's in a coupe de ville.
He thinks that car is the stuff 'cause growing up, if you had one of those, you were cool.
Now, when I was growing up, if you had a car like adam's, It meant you were 80 and you might die soon.
Ferrara: Looking out of the hood, it's just like loong out the deck of a battleship.
Planes could land on this roof.
So the seventh number on this vin number is an "e.
" That means this car was made in new jersey.
I'm just passing, as we speak, 278,000 miles.
That's more than 10 times around the planet at the equator.
This little car has driven 10 times around the planet and is still running almost perfectly.
Unbelievable.
Ferrara: It was time for our next challenge.
All right, fellas.
"CShallenge number two the ultimate durability test.
"in order to evade revenuers, "moonshine runners didn't always stick to the road.
"With police in hot pursuit, "they often took shortcuts through the woods, "crossing creeks, fallen trees, and steep terrain.
"To find out if your cars are cut out for bootlegging, they will be put to the test in this off-road course.
" This course was made for dirt bikes and billy goats, but we had no choice.
The fastest car around would win.
All right.
Finally a challenge I can sink my teeth into.
- With that? - Yeah, I'm ready.
Have you looked at the course? There's two huge jumps.
There's a cliff by that giant tree right there.
Yeah.
We're screwed.
Is that your lack of confidence I hear? That is refreshing.
I would like another sip.
Pick a number from 1 to 10.
- 7.
- Close.
8.
You go first.
- Yeah.
Let's do it.
- That didn't sound fair.
[exhales sharply.]
[engine revs.]
This is gonna be bad.
- You ready? - Yep.
- Go! - Go! [jars clinking.]
Oh! Big turn.
- Here comes the big jump.
- Gearshift.
Oh! Oh, there's a water hole.
Now, if by some miracle your car makes it through the water feature, this part will get you.
[jars shattering.]
Oh, that was There was some definite breakage there.
Oh, he's shortcutting.
Look at him.
Oh, no! - Oh! - Oh, man! [laughs.]
Almost rolled it over! Uh-oh.
I think it's done.
No! [engine revs.]
Should we tell him he already crossed the finish line? Nah, let him go.
The kid's having fun.
Let him play.
[laughs.]
Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Come on.
Come on.
[engine whining.]
Yes! He thinks that's the finish line.
Yeah! [laughs.]
- Wood: [laughing.]
Oh, wow! - Ferrara: There's one.
It's everywhere.
Look, it's leaking from here.
I meant to tell you, you crossed the finish line right there.
- That's what those other cones indicated.
- Right there.
- We didn't tell you that? - No.
So that other stuff, when you were just killing the car, that was just for us.
Thank you.
Wood: My old bird was up next.
Do you think he's gonna go for it or granny-drive it? I think he's gonna go for it.
Foust: No, look at him pull up to the line.
He's gonna granny-drive the hell out of it.
[exhales sharply.]
This is it, t-bird.
We've had our ups and downs, you broke on me, but now I need you more than ever.
Just let me win one event.
Oh, man.
This is a guy conquering some fears.
I'm ready.
Let's kick ass.
Three, two, one, - Go! - Go! Come on, rutledge.
[laughs.]
Come on, baby.
Come on.
There we go! Oh! Oh! Don't chicken out.
Come ov, come on, come on, come on! Whoo! - [laughing.]
Yes! - Yeah! Oh, that was awesome! Done.
[laughs.]
Hello! Even though he drove like betty white, Ferrara: Rutledge still managed to do some damage.
Oh my God.
Adam was next.
There's no way he could win.
Just sailing that 5,000-pound boat on the course was inviting disaster.
Foust: Do you want to make bets on if he gets stuck? I think the bet is how soon he gets stuck.
You're gonna do great.
You're gonna do great.
Good luck.
He is so screwed.
It was nice knowing you, caddy.
He's seriously scared out of his shorts right now.
I don't know how to tell you this, tanner.
Everybody needs to become a man at some point, and he chose to become a man in a '76 coupe de ville.
And that was his mistake.
That's the same thing that happened to me.
That's so weird.
Mine was a '78, but God, am I nervous! This is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever done.
What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? You ready, sweetheart? Me and you.
Foust: Coming up, our moonshine running comes to a spectacular end.
Wood: Go, go, go! - [siren wailing.]
- He hit the grass.
Look at that! What the hell am I doing? I'm off-roading in a battleship with a trunk full of alcohol, listening to two guys in plaid shirts that I can't trust.
We're going in, kid.
Okay, adam.
Here we go.
Three, two, one - Go! - Go! Oh, he's taking the grass! Oh! Oh, no! [laughs.]
Oh, my god.
He's going way [both laughing.]
He's going way too fast.
[laughing.]
Oh! [thunk.]
[laughs.]
How is it possible he's still going? - Oh, through the water.
- Oh, man.
This is where he gets stuck.
[both laugh.]
He goes over the water.
Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, no.
[laughs.]
No! Oh! Oh, man! Oh, he almost rolled it.
Oh, come on, adam.
- Throttle.
Throttle.
Hit it! - Oh, this is gonna be so bad.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-da-da! [both laughing.]
Yeah, adam! Dude, the car is bent! Look at it! Look at it.
It is like a canoe right now.
Oh! Stop it! [laughing.]
Stop the clock! [clapping.]
How did that just happen? Oh, was that fun! That's my baby! Mwah! That's my baby! - Are you okay? - [Laughing.]
yeah.
Wow.
That was unbelievable.
I want to make fun of you so much and tell you it was awful, but I've never seen flight like that.
The door I can't open the door.
- Did you have to climb out of the window? - [Laughing.]
Yes.
- You broke the windshield.
- Yeah.
- Dude, the whole car is bent.
- Yeah.
- You bent that entire front.
- Yeah.
And does it still run? - I don't know.
- Foust: Yeah, he did a 2.
38.
I did a 2:01.
You did a 1:52.
Yes! Yes! [laughter.]
Wood: Look at all the lids.
Look at them.
You smashed every single bottle.
Look at all that glass, dude.
We should close that before it just ignites.
- Quickly.
- You know what? I feel like The motor works! My trunk motor still works.
Wood: But after that beating, little else on the cadillac did.
And with one moonshine challenge left, it limped off the battlefield.
Foust: "Welcome to the rock rockingham speedway, "where nascar legends from junior johnson "to jeff gordon have traded paint.
"There's a good reason so many moonshine runners became nascar champions "when stealth failed, it was all about speed.
This challenge will see how long you can outrun the police.
" The police? What?! We are so screwed! [tires screech.]
[siren wailing.]
[laughing.]
Oh, no.
We're done.
Officer stig.
Foust: Our cars were going to have a hard time getting away from the stig.
Our silent professional race car driver, but anything's possible here at the rock.
Inside the rock's famous oval was a 1-mile road course.
We'd each be given a 15-second head start.
Then the stig was free to hunt us down.
Whoever could elude him the longest was the winner.
I was up first, rutledge second, and adam Never.
["taps" playing.]
[engine revs.]
He makes me nervous.
Wood: You ready? Three, two, one - Go! - Go! 13, 14 There he goes.
Oh, my gosh.
This car rotates a bit.
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Oh! - Oh, he hit the grass.
Look at that! - [Laughs.]
[tires screech.]
Oh! Oh! [ferrara laughs.]
Oh, he spun.
He spun.
He's in trouble.
[metal rattling.]
Throttle completely stuck.
Here he comes.
Uh-oh.
She's starting to die.
She's overheating.
- [siren wailing.]
- Here it comes.
- Hit him! - Get him! Oh, he got him.
I'm not gonna tell him I'm impressed.
I think I killed her.
When you spun, was that the pressure - of feeling the lights on you? - No, no, no.
I wanted to see if he was there, and the mirrors are all broken off, rutledge.
I wonder how that happened.
- I don't know anything about that.
- Yeah.
- Are you up now? - I'm ready.
Do you want me to show you what a real time is? - I'm ready for that.
- Resetting.
- Rutledge is talking a pretty big game, eh? - Ferrara: Yeah.
That thunder coupe may have something in reserve.
Three, two, one, go! [engine revving.]
[beeping.]
[laughs.]
[laughing.]
Is he getting out? What are you doing? I tried to neutral-drop it.
It didn't work.
Run! That's it.
That's your head start, man! What just happened there? I don't know.
What's he doing? The police officer's gonna hit him.
He wants to hit him.
That's it.
Run! [laughs.]
Run! Use your turbo! He's hanging it out.
- [siren wailin.]
- Go, rutledge! [laughs.]
He's bailing the evidence.
[tires screech.]
1:02.
Don't say nothing! Foust: How much you want to bet he's throwing up in the backseat right now? Did you throw up back there, rutledge? That sucks so bad! - Is that number seven? - That sucks so bad! [panting.]
Yeah, I don't know what's worse.
The running or what happened in the backseat.
[laughs.]
Ferrara: In the end, this wasn't just a journey through the south.
It was a voyage back in time.
We have all owned crappy cars.
They may have been stinky, filthy, dangerous rust buckets, but when called to perform, our cars rose to the challenge, and we grew to appreciate them.
These cars may have only cost $1,000, but they gave us everything they had.
[laughter and applause.]
I love that car.
I'm still shocked that you can walk after jumping that cadillac like that.
And what was up with the ricky bobby moves you got? Decided to get away from officer stig.
You know he's really not a police officer, right? He's not? Moving on.
However, it was a great journey, - but all that really matters is who won.
- That's right.
So let's start with the j-turn.
- Now, adam, you may have beat me.
- I did.
But tanner beat you, - so we'll give him a big "x" there.
- I smoked that one.
That one worked out good.
- Next up was camping.
- Hello! That's not an event.
- Sure, it is.
I won.
Mark it down.
- Why did you win? I woke up in the morning straight as an arrow.
My spine was fine.
You guys woke up with scoliosis.
I won.
- True story.
- All right.
Off road.
And that would be me again.
You killed the car.
Yes.
Style points and the quickest time.
Mark it down.
- All right.
Fine.
- We'll give you that one.
Next up, police.
How did you? I had the lowest time.
It's not the lowest score.
This isn't golf.
It's how long you could evade the police, and he won again.
I ran.
I know.
All right, last up.
Moonshine! You get a point for spelling that correctly.
Thank you.
Now, I didn't have much left.
Adam, how about you? I had some.
- You had none! - It was in the trunk.
Your trunk was soaked with more booze than mel gibson.
[laughter.]
- How much did you have? - I had about a case.
- Really? - Yeah, - so I think I walk away with that one.
- Okay, so that would put you here.
Adam had two.
I got the goose egg.
Tanner with three.
Which means the Nissan takes it.
[applause.]
I don't know what you guys were thinking when you showed up with those cars, because I knew from the beginning, Nissan's the most versatile, reliable.
If you have 1,000 bucks and you're going moonshine running, it's a 300z.
If people had been enlightened back in the day, they would be racing Nissan Z's right now in nascar.
There'd be 300z's ripping around - in circles everywhere.
- That is blasphemous! [laughs.]
All right, well, that's all we've got this week.
Thanks for watching.
Goodbye.