TripTank (2014) s01e03 Episode Script
Game Over
1 There is no god! God, god, god There is no Evan! Evan, Evan, Evan Hmm.
Mo[bleep.]
.
1x03 - "Game Over" - Hey, guys, I'm little girl one one - Six.
Today I'm gonna make a tutorial on the cup song from "Pitch Prefect.
" So what you're gonna need is a flat surface, a cup, and your hands, and obviously yourself.
Okay, so let's get started.
Just follow my steps.
I just blew your freakin' mind.
Now try it yourself.
Hi.
What the hell? Hello? Why don't you ever take me out to dinner? Since when can you talk? This is the first time I've officially spoken.
- "Officially"? - I'm in love with you.
What? You're not a person.
- You're just a - Just a what, Andrew? - How do you know my name? - Call me Veronica.
Why don't you ever tell me how your day was? I don't know.
I figured you wouldn't care.
I and you're not a real person! If I wasn't real, would I be able to do this? There's more where that came from.
- Now let's go to dinner.
- Anywhere you want.
- Triptank.
- Hi.
I am so glad you answered the phone.
I just I have to tell you I love your show.
No, I mean, I love it.
Like like, every fiber of my being wants your comedy inside of me.
I want to massage your jokes with my tongue and feel the laughter spilling out over and over again.
Length is just not that important.
Yah.
What a headache.
Who am I? I-I don't remember anything! A table! A note! "dear Randy " Ugh! Randy is a terrible name.
"there is only one thing I know for sure.
Turn over.
" I'm an asshole called Randy? This is shit! [bleep.]
you, wooden table! Wait.
It doesn't have to be like this.
I can change! Today I am going to be a great man! - Life is wonderful.
- Hey, spare some change, mister? - Of course, my good man.
- Wow! Thanks, mister! I ask you every day, but this is the first time you ever gave me anything.
To be honest, I-I always thought you were sort of an asshole.
Well, not today.
Today we're going to have fun and be joyful! What do you want to do? - Just name it.
Anything! - Anything? Look at the [bleep.]
sunset! It's so [bleep.]
beautiful! You know, it's been a perfect day.
I really feel like a new man.
I don't need that stupid note anymore.
I've changed.
I'll remember this.
I feel great, and I'm a great person.
Randy is a stupid name, though.
"You are an asshole.
" See you tomorrow, Randy.
What a stupid name.
Here we go, man.
Old school, mano a mano.
- Roy's gonna make - Hello, triptank.
Oh.
Oh, hey.
I just wanted to say, like, my friends and I, we, like, laugh about, you know, like, each other.
We're like, "that's c " you know, like, "oh, we we know that," or, like, "we know what that is.
" We're like, um so I guess I was just, um, I'm not totally sure I remember why I called, but maybe is there a way to Happy birthday, sweetie.
Guess what.
- Daddy got you a - Oh, shit! A pony! Yeah.
Yeah! Yeaaah! Oh, yeah, mother[bleep.]
er! Mother[bleep.]
er! Hi, what can I get I'll give you some time to look over the menu.
Wow.
You look great with makeup.
I mean, you always look good.
But tonight wow.
Well, I'm a pisces, so I like to jazz it up sometimes.
Oh, no.
Really? I'm a sagittarius.
Sagittarius and pisces don't get along.
Fire and water.
Why do these keep getting flagged as inappropriate? This is bullshit.
I love you.
Wakka, wakka, here comes Pac-man to bite your ass.
Psh, don't you run away from me.
I'm unstoppable.
My power meter's green, bitch.
Hello, Triptank.
Hello, who the [bleep.]
is this? Is this the guy that does the cartoons and shit? - Maybe.
- I hate it! - Okay.
- I can't turn it off because the birds, they go crazy when it's on.
But I can't turn it off because I love the colors! Do you understand me? I feel [bleep.]
crazy! I can't turn it off, but I can't turn it on! - Triptank.
- Hello.
My name is Salis.
I'm 12, and I would like to see more sketches with the word [bleep.]
in 'em.
- Rrrr.
- Let me transfer you to that department.
Hold, please.
I have a headache.
I'm sorry.
I can't control my headaches.
Oh, great.
So even if I don't want to have sex, I'm supposed to what still do it? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, actually.
That's what people do when they're in loving relationships.
- Uh! - Oh, please.
Think of all the times I've had sex with you when I didn't want to.
- What? - Yeah! Please, not right now.
Okay, fair enough.
Let's do this.
- But keep it under five.
- Yes! Can we do anal? Three aliens came from the sky the galactic council sent them and here's the reason why their mission is to study Earth's most average guy to see if humans are worth saving or if everyone has to die Wait, what? I'm pretty sure it was corked or something, man.
Oh, yeah? Well, why'd you drink 3/4 of it? Look, I really need this $5.
00 back, okay? It's been a-a rough couple months, man.
- Jeff? - Linda! You look amazing.
How have you been? I think this might be the busiest week of my life.
I've got a job interview, a doctor's appointment, - my friend's bachelorette - Hey, you wanna grab lunch or coffee or something? - Uh! - Chet! Let's drink this bubbly and get snuggly.
- I've gotta go.
- Yeah, I should probably go.
I've got I got a pretty busy week too.
Hey, Mr.
Sniffles.
We got something special for our favorite special guy! I told you guys no more surprise gifts.
Well, something tells me you're gonna love this one, 'cause you've already loved her for five years! Oh, my god, no! We need to undo this immediately! Well, I guess I could just clear her memories from the last 24 hours.
- Agh! - Oops.
- Linda! - Okay, I see what I did.
Oh, what? What, is she dead? Is she dead? - Is she dead? - No, no, no.
She'll come back to in a couple of days.
- Maybe a month or two, tops.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
She had so much important stuff to do this week, guys.
What are we gonna do? I don't know.
Are you sure this is gonna work? - Totally.
- Are you sure she's gonna be okay? Oh, for suresies.
Come on, Linda.
Come on, Linda.
- Get into it! - Whoo-hoo! And I also speak un poquito de Esp Wonderful! And I'll have the 32-ounce angus steak, - uh, rare.
- Whoa! You're not pregnant, are you, babe? I keep telling you it isn't an effective form of birth control to shoot it all over your face every time.
But you just won't listen to me.
I'm not pregnant, okay? Can we please talk about something else? Yikes! What's up with your voice? You got a sore throat? Or something? Yeah, yeah.
I, uh, I think I do.
I told you, you gotta stop deep-throating me so much.
But you always have to have it your way, don't you? Hey, dude, this isn't appropriate dinner conversation, all right? Look, I think we should break up.
- I'm still in love with Jeff.
- What? Jeff? You said his dick was so small, you got That's a lie! I never said Jeff's dick was small! - Take it easy, babe! - You [bleep.]
liar! I won't hit a woman - Oh! Oh! - Oh! Okay! That's it.
I'm a bad person! I can't believe I don't remember any of this.
Yeah.
I guess he must've hit you pretty hard.
Hello? Hi, Linda.
It's Dr.
Lynn.
Uh, we're gonna need you to come in for a follow-up.
- Is this some sort of sick joke? - Honey, let me take care of this.
Son, are you on the peyote? I'll understand.
No! Veronica is very nice.
We're in love.
We've been in love for a while.
Jesus Christ, it talks.
Will wonders never cease? - This isn't normal.
- Come on, now, who are we to judge? What is normal? He's just exploring.
I want one.
Mom, calm down.
We live together.
Okay? I'm dreaming.
That's it! I must be dreaming.
It's all a dream! See? No! It's okay.
She'll warm up to you.
- Also, I'm pregnant.
- What? I said I want one.
Now! This is bullshit.
Okay, behold Erebos of Xenos, divine prophet and eighth emperor of the 33 dimensions.
Hey, guys.
My love is with you.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, I don't really have much on the docket today.
The hand soap in my enlightenment pod is out again, so, uh, Tony, that's your job.
Will you get to that, honey? Uh, what else? Our new website is going live on Friday, so check that out, everyone.
And I think that's pretty much it for me, so unless anybody else Ooh, lots of hands.
Uh, Travis.
So you said that Imratu the space dragon, who I love, was supposed to come yesterday and transport us all to the eternal dimension of peace.
Okay, and you guys, uh You guys are upset because Imratu the space dragon didn't didn't show up? Okay, well, it's just that a lot of us castrated ourselves because you said that's what Imratu wanted, and the rest of us drank poison.
O-okay, we're s l-listen.
I think the focus has gone all on the space dragon thing, and it's not about the other cool stuff we do around here.
We never really do anything except sit around and talk about Imratu the space dragon while you - have sex with our wives.
- We have a pool table.
Some of us are just a liiittle frustrated because it kinda seems like you might've made the whole thing up.
Wow, Tony.
That sucks, man.
That really sucks, guys.
That's a bad attitude.
I really don't want to have to do this, but I'm gonna have to ask Petey to drink poison.
Poor, innocent Petey.
Never question anything.
Everybody, I did that to Petey because I love Tony.
In fact, I love all of you so much, I'm going to share with you my new vision.
The gaze of my fourth eye has pierced the unfathomable multiverse and seen a vision of a great and wondrous space puma! Like the space puma you said wanted us to clean your garage last summer? Uh yeah, okay.
I know the answer to this question, but as a test of your faith, which space animals have I already used? Space puma, space jaguar, space lynx, space mouse, space squirrel, space dolphin, space wolphin, space gorilla, space chinchilla, space pig, space human.
I know them all.
Because while I was boning Neil's wife, I had a second vision, more important than the first.
I beheld a glorious space alligator hurtling through the cosmos, coming to transport you all to the dimension of total joy.
And his name is Mumratu.
Mumratu, the space alligator? That sounds very, very similar to Imratu, the space dragon.
They are brothers.
Their last name is "ratu.
" - And when will that be, prophet? - Well, you'll have to ask him when he gets here.
He's actually coming here.
- Yay, Erebos! - Oh, yeah.
It's awesome.
Now rise, my children, and go forth.
Except, uh, for Neil's wife.
Roy's hatin' on this [bleep.]
game.
It's rigged, man.
This thing is bleeding me out.
Picking my goddamn pocket.
Ben, I need another [bleep.]
quarter.
Hurry up, man.
Dig deep, brother.
Triptank.
How can I help you? My name is Robert Rill.
I just moved here from Sydney.
I live in a studio apartment.
I've really enjoyed the show.
I really appreciate the masturbation bits.
Can relate to a lot of that.
It's just been hard.
I've just moved here, so I don't know a lot of people.
Need to put you on hold for one sec.
Oh, god, he got me.
He got me in a chokehold, man.
God damn it.
He got the Roy.
Son of a bitch.
He ain't gonna let go.
I can't shake him loose, man.
Oh, my god, I can see my goddamn Bring me a quarter.
My life blood's draining out.
Idiot.
- Ow.
- You've gotten sardines all over my sandals.
- Clean it up! - Ooh! Yes, my lord.
Mm.
- Ugh, you pervert.
- Ow.
- Where's your owner? - Oh, I'm free.
My owner died from an intestinal disorder.
He ate some bad giraffe.
Ow.
My name is Hilarius.
At your service.
- Idiot.
Carry my lunch.
- I'm here to see Sextus Scribonis.
He is the dominus hominem of the Colosseum.
- That means boss of everything.
- I know what it means! I plan to be the dominus "ominem" of the Colosseum myself.
Well, I'll let you cut in front of me for an artichoke.
How 'bout I don't stick a dagger in your fat face? - Deal.
- 99, 100.
Let's go to cafeteria.
- Yeah, it's meatball Monday.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who put the sex show after the hippo massacre? It'll stink of blood, and there will be flies everywhere! No, you said it was funny when the flies bite the guys' balls in the orgy rehearsal.
You really laugh.
How can the upper deck see flies biting a guy's balls, hmm? You've got to play to the cheap seats! I sorry, I sorry.
- I am Lucius.
- And my name is Hilarius.
Ah, thank Apollo.
Two applicants without typhoid.
Well, let's show you around this crazy madhouse we call backstage.
So you want to cut through the neck, visualize it to the other side.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Visualize the point on the other side through the neck.
See? A-smooth.
Oh! Bravo! I love how he splurted everywhere! So tell me why you should be employed by myself and the great Roman Colosseum.
I have a reference from the greatest promoter of all time Flavius Arianus.
What "Flavius" was his anus? Oh! You dare mock Flavius Arianus? I should have you catapulted into the cheap seats.
Ooh, that's a good idea.
Get some papyrus.
Somebody write that down.
But, but, but, but, first things first.
Lucius, are you ready to see your new office? This seems like a strange place for an o Oh, Apollo, I love artichokes.
- Would you like to see your office? - Oh, I don't need an office.
Oopsie.
Dropped an artichoke.
- Near my pinky toe.
- Yes, my lord! Oh, Dorothy.
Drop a hammer.
Here it comes! Boom! God damn it, I kill at this game.
I am bad.
Triptank.
How can I help you? Hey, man, this is doctor father brother Travis calling.
That was a hell of a skit.
Man, that chicken's hot.
You gotta show more of that chicken, maybe do one where he's nekkid, and another guy is stickin' his pecker in him.
- Hold, please.
- I'm kicking ass! You have reached level 1,000.
Join us on the game grid.
Man Man, you out there, man? Gaga, wow wow, ooh mama, wow wow wow wow.
Triptank.
How can I help you?
Mo[bleep.]
.
1x03 - "Game Over" - Hey, guys, I'm little girl one one - Six.
Today I'm gonna make a tutorial on the cup song from "Pitch Prefect.
" So what you're gonna need is a flat surface, a cup, and your hands, and obviously yourself.
Okay, so let's get started.
Just follow my steps.
I just blew your freakin' mind.
Now try it yourself.
Hi.
What the hell? Hello? Why don't you ever take me out to dinner? Since when can you talk? This is the first time I've officially spoken.
- "Officially"? - I'm in love with you.
What? You're not a person.
- You're just a - Just a what, Andrew? - How do you know my name? - Call me Veronica.
Why don't you ever tell me how your day was? I don't know.
I figured you wouldn't care.
I and you're not a real person! If I wasn't real, would I be able to do this? There's more where that came from.
- Now let's go to dinner.
- Anywhere you want.
- Triptank.
- Hi.
I am so glad you answered the phone.
I just I have to tell you I love your show.
No, I mean, I love it.
Like like, every fiber of my being wants your comedy inside of me.
I want to massage your jokes with my tongue and feel the laughter spilling out over and over again.
Length is just not that important.
Yah.
What a headache.
Who am I? I-I don't remember anything! A table! A note! "dear Randy " Ugh! Randy is a terrible name.
"there is only one thing I know for sure.
Turn over.
" I'm an asshole called Randy? This is shit! [bleep.]
you, wooden table! Wait.
It doesn't have to be like this.
I can change! Today I am going to be a great man! - Life is wonderful.
- Hey, spare some change, mister? - Of course, my good man.
- Wow! Thanks, mister! I ask you every day, but this is the first time you ever gave me anything.
To be honest, I-I always thought you were sort of an asshole.
Well, not today.
Today we're going to have fun and be joyful! What do you want to do? - Just name it.
Anything! - Anything? Look at the [bleep.]
sunset! It's so [bleep.]
beautiful! You know, it's been a perfect day.
I really feel like a new man.
I don't need that stupid note anymore.
I've changed.
I'll remember this.
I feel great, and I'm a great person.
Randy is a stupid name, though.
"You are an asshole.
" See you tomorrow, Randy.
What a stupid name.
Here we go, man.
Old school, mano a mano.
- Roy's gonna make - Hello, triptank.
Oh.
Oh, hey.
I just wanted to say, like, my friends and I, we, like, laugh about, you know, like, each other.
We're like, "that's c " you know, like, "oh, we we know that," or, like, "we know what that is.
" We're like, um so I guess I was just, um, I'm not totally sure I remember why I called, but maybe is there a way to Happy birthday, sweetie.
Guess what.
- Daddy got you a - Oh, shit! A pony! Yeah.
Yeah! Yeaaah! Oh, yeah, mother[bleep.]
er! Mother[bleep.]
er! Hi, what can I get I'll give you some time to look over the menu.
Wow.
You look great with makeup.
I mean, you always look good.
But tonight wow.
Well, I'm a pisces, so I like to jazz it up sometimes.
Oh, no.
Really? I'm a sagittarius.
Sagittarius and pisces don't get along.
Fire and water.
Why do these keep getting flagged as inappropriate? This is bullshit.
I love you.
Wakka, wakka, here comes Pac-man to bite your ass.
Psh, don't you run away from me.
I'm unstoppable.
My power meter's green, bitch.
Hello, Triptank.
Hello, who the [bleep.]
is this? Is this the guy that does the cartoons and shit? - Maybe.
- I hate it! - Okay.
- I can't turn it off because the birds, they go crazy when it's on.
But I can't turn it off because I love the colors! Do you understand me? I feel [bleep.]
crazy! I can't turn it off, but I can't turn it on! - Triptank.
- Hello.
My name is Salis.
I'm 12, and I would like to see more sketches with the word [bleep.]
in 'em.
- Rrrr.
- Let me transfer you to that department.
Hold, please.
I have a headache.
I'm sorry.
I can't control my headaches.
Oh, great.
So even if I don't want to have sex, I'm supposed to what still do it? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, actually.
That's what people do when they're in loving relationships.
- Uh! - Oh, please.
Think of all the times I've had sex with you when I didn't want to.
- What? - Yeah! Please, not right now.
Okay, fair enough.
Let's do this.
- But keep it under five.
- Yes! Can we do anal? Three aliens came from the sky the galactic council sent them and here's the reason why their mission is to study Earth's most average guy to see if humans are worth saving or if everyone has to die Wait, what? I'm pretty sure it was corked or something, man.
Oh, yeah? Well, why'd you drink 3/4 of it? Look, I really need this $5.
00 back, okay? It's been a-a rough couple months, man.
- Jeff? - Linda! You look amazing.
How have you been? I think this might be the busiest week of my life.
I've got a job interview, a doctor's appointment, - my friend's bachelorette - Hey, you wanna grab lunch or coffee or something? - Uh! - Chet! Let's drink this bubbly and get snuggly.
- I've gotta go.
- Yeah, I should probably go.
I've got I got a pretty busy week too.
Hey, Mr.
Sniffles.
We got something special for our favorite special guy! I told you guys no more surprise gifts.
Well, something tells me you're gonna love this one, 'cause you've already loved her for five years! Oh, my god, no! We need to undo this immediately! Well, I guess I could just clear her memories from the last 24 hours.
- Agh! - Oops.
- Linda! - Okay, I see what I did.
Oh, what? What, is she dead? Is she dead? - Is she dead? - No, no, no.
She'll come back to in a couple of days.
- Maybe a month or two, tops.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
She had so much important stuff to do this week, guys.
What are we gonna do? I don't know.
Are you sure this is gonna work? - Totally.
- Are you sure she's gonna be okay? Oh, for suresies.
Come on, Linda.
Come on, Linda.
- Get into it! - Whoo-hoo! And I also speak un poquito de Esp Wonderful! And I'll have the 32-ounce angus steak, - uh, rare.
- Whoa! You're not pregnant, are you, babe? I keep telling you it isn't an effective form of birth control to shoot it all over your face every time.
But you just won't listen to me.
I'm not pregnant, okay? Can we please talk about something else? Yikes! What's up with your voice? You got a sore throat? Or something? Yeah, yeah.
I, uh, I think I do.
I told you, you gotta stop deep-throating me so much.
But you always have to have it your way, don't you? Hey, dude, this isn't appropriate dinner conversation, all right? Look, I think we should break up.
- I'm still in love with Jeff.
- What? Jeff? You said his dick was so small, you got That's a lie! I never said Jeff's dick was small! - Take it easy, babe! - You [bleep.]
liar! I won't hit a woman - Oh! Oh! - Oh! Okay! That's it.
I'm a bad person! I can't believe I don't remember any of this.
Yeah.
I guess he must've hit you pretty hard.
Hello? Hi, Linda.
It's Dr.
Lynn.
Uh, we're gonna need you to come in for a follow-up.
- Is this some sort of sick joke? - Honey, let me take care of this.
Son, are you on the peyote? I'll understand.
No! Veronica is very nice.
We're in love.
We've been in love for a while.
Jesus Christ, it talks.
Will wonders never cease? - This isn't normal.
- Come on, now, who are we to judge? What is normal? He's just exploring.
I want one.
Mom, calm down.
We live together.
Okay? I'm dreaming.
That's it! I must be dreaming.
It's all a dream! See? No! It's okay.
She'll warm up to you.
- Also, I'm pregnant.
- What? I said I want one.
Now! This is bullshit.
Okay, behold Erebos of Xenos, divine prophet and eighth emperor of the 33 dimensions.
Hey, guys.
My love is with you.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, I don't really have much on the docket today.
The hand soap in my enlightenment pod is out again, so, uh, Tony, that's your job.
Will you get to that, honey? Uh, what else? Our new website is going live on Friday, so check that out, everyone.
And I think that's pretty much it for me, so unless anybody else Ooh, lots of hands.
Uh, Travis.
So you said that Imratu the space dragon, who I love, was supposed to come yesterday and transport us all to the eternal dimension of peace.
Okay, and you guys, uh You guys are upset because Imratu the space dragon didn't didn't show up? Okay, well, it's just that a lot of us castrated ourselves because you said that's what Imratu wanted, and the rest of us drank poison.
O-okay, we're s l-listen.
I think the focus has gone all on the space dragon thing, and it's not about the other cool stuff we do around here.
We never really do anything except sit around and talk about Imratu the space dragon while you - have sex with our wives.
- We have a pool table.
Some of us are just a liiittle frustrated because it kinda seems like you might've made the whole thing up.
Wow, Tony.
That sucks, man.
That really sucks, guys.
That's a bad attitude.
I really don't want to have to do this, but I'm gonna have to ask Petey to drink poison.
Poor, innocent Petey.
Never question anything.
Everybody, I did that to Petey because I love Tony.
In fact, I love all of you so much, I'm going to share with you my new vision.
The gaze of my fourth eye has pierced the unfathomable multiverse and seen a vision of a great and wondrous space puma! Like the space puma you said wanted us to clean your garage last summer? Uh yeah, okay.
I know the answer to this question, but as a test of your faith, which space animals have I already used? Space puma, space jaguar, space lynx, space mouse, space squirrel, space dolphin, space wolphin, space gorilla, space chinchilla, space pig, space human.
I know them all.
Because while I was boning Neil's wife, I had a second vision, more important than the first.
I beheld a glorious space alligator hurtling through the cosmos, coming to transport you all to the dimension of total joy.
And his name is Mumratu.
Mumratu, the space alligator? That sounds very, very similar to Imratu, the space dragon.
They are brothers.
Their last name is "ratu.
" - And when will that be, prophet? - Well, you'll have to ask him when he gets here.
He's actually coming here.
- Yay, Erebos! - Oh, yeah.
It's awesome.
Now rise, my children, and go forth.
Except, uh, for Neil's wife.
Roy's hatin' on this [bleep.]
game.
It's rigged, man.
This thing is bleeding me out.
Picking my goddamn pocket.
Ben, I need another [bleep.]
quarter.
Hurry up, man.
Dig deep, brother.
Triptank.
How can I help you? My name is Robert Rill.
I just moved here from Sydney.
I live in a studio apartment.
I've really enjoyed the show.
I really appreciate the masturbation bits.
Can relate to a lot of that.
It's just been hard.
I've just moved here, so I don't know a lot of people.
Need to put you on hold for one sec.
Oh, god, he got me.
He got me in a chokehold, man.
God damn it.
He got the Roy.
Son of a bitch.
He ain't gonna let go.
I can't shake him loose, man.
Oh, my god, I can see my goddamn Bring me a quarter.
My life blood's draining out.
Idiot.
- Ow.
- You've gotten sardines all over my sandals.
- Clean it up! - Ooh! Yes, my lord.
Mm.
- Ugh, you pervert.
- Ow.
- Where's your owner? - Oh, I'm free.
My owner died from an intestinal disorder.
He ate some bad giraffe.
Ow.
My name is Hilarius.
At your service.
- Idiot.
Carry my lunch.
- I'm here to see Sextus Scribonis.
He is the dominus hominem of the Colosseum.
- That means boss of everything.
- I know what it means! I plan to be the dominus "ominem" of the Colosseum myself.
Well, I'll let you cut in front of me for an artichoke.
How 'bout I don't stick a dagger in your fat face? - Deal.
- 99, 100.
Let's go to cafeteria.
- Yeah, it's meatball Monday.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who put the sex show after the hippo massacre? It'll stink of blood, and there will be flies everywhere! No, you said it was funny when the flies bite the guys' balls in the orgy rehearsal.
You really laugh.
How can the upper deck see flies biting a guy's balls, hmm? You've got to play to the cheap seats! I sorry, I sorry.
- I am Lucius.
- And my name is Hilarius.
Ah, thank Apollo.
Two applicants without typhoid.
Well, let's show you around this crazy madhouse we call backstage.
So you want to cut through the neck, visualize it to the other side.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Visualize the point on the other side through the neck.
See? A-smooth.
Oh! Bravo! I love how he splurted everywhere! So tell me why you should be employed by myself and the great Roman Colosseum.
I have a reference from the greatest promoter of all time Flavius Arianus.
What "Flavius" was his anus? Oh! You dare mock Flavius Arianus? I should have you catapulted into the cheap seats.
Ooh, that's a good idea.
Get some papyrus.
Somebody write that down.
But, but, but, but, first things first.
Lucius, are you ready to see your new office? This seems like a strange place for an o Oh, Apollo, I love artichokes.
- Would you like to see your office? - Oh, I don't need an office.
Oopsie.
Dropped an artichoke.
- Near my pinky toe.
- Yes, my lord! Oh, Dorothy.
Drop a hammer.
Here it comes! Boom! God damn it, I kill at this game.
I am bad.
Triptank.
How can I help you? Hey, man, this is doctor father brother Travis calling.
That was a hell of a skit.
Man, that chicken's hot.
You gotta show more of that chicken, maybe do one where he's nekkid, and another guy is stickin' his pecker in him.
- Hold, please.
- I'm kicking ass! You have reached level 1,000.
Join us on the game grid.
Man Man, you out there, man? Gaga, wow wow, ooh mama, wow wow wow wow.
Triptank.
How can I help you?