Turbo FAST (2013) s01e03 Episode Script
Bumperdome; Broaches
1 [engines rev.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # Safety note number 208: Salt packet with frayed edges.
Possible containment leak.
Morning, Chet.
What's new? - I'll tell you what's new: CAT! - Cat?! Where is it? Where? Relax, CAT is an acronym for my new safety philosophy.
Check for danger.
Avoid danger.
And if you can't avoid it, tuck and roll when you encounter danger.
I got a new acronym, Chet's an idiot.
That's not an acronym.
- Do you even know what an acronym is? - Shoo, fly, get off of there! - Chimichanga! - Hope that's not another acronym.
[screeching sound.]
Ahh, salt packet! Ahh, spork! [splat.]
[yelling in slow-motion.]
[gasps.]
I can't believe it.
I was inches away from being crushed by a flying food bomb, and I've never felt more alive! What is this sensation, 'cause I want more! Come at me, spork! That's what I thought.
Hey, Skidmark, I just had this weird, tingly feeling.
Do you have periods of missing time? Do you recognize this man? No.
No, no, what happened was I was almost crushed by an errant chimichanga, and I loved it! Ah, sounds like you had your first adrenaline rush.
Is that what that was? How do I get that feeling again? Hmm I get mine out on the track.
Or from a legitimate Clamsquatch sighting.
Yeah, but I'd probably need a new shell.
My new Hovershell 3000? No way.
It's totally untested.
Totally experimental.
- Totally - Dangerous? I want it.
- I'm not sure you're ready.
- I said I want it! [zooming sound.]
[tires screeching.]
Come on, people.
Less hesitatin', more motivatin'.
The super looper race is tonight and we want to show like champs, not chumps.
[zooming.]
Turbo's out in front! The crowd goes crazy! [cheering.]
He's joined by Whiplash, Burn, Skidmark, Smoove Move, White Shadow, - and Chet.
- Hey, guys! Wait, Chet? Whoa! What gives, Chet? And where's your ambulance shell? You know I like my baby in uniform.
[whirring.]
Skidmark gave me the shell.
It's experimental, and dangerous.
Like me.
[all laughing.]
Seriously, I wanna join you guys and feel the thrill of living life on the edge.
I'm sorry, I have something hilarious in my eye.
Whoo! Now move out of the way, we've got work to do.
Oh, so all you can push the edge of the envelope and take risks, - but not me, huh? - That is not what he's saying.
No, that's pretty much exactly what I was saying.
Chet, come on, you're the safety guy.
We need you and your sayings and your acronyms, like, what's that one? Uh, CAP, right? - I think it's CAPE.
- CAKE? CAT! [all exclaiming.]
That was the old Chet, the new Chet wants to seek out danger and laugh in its face.
- Who wants to laugh with me? - Look, Chet, we have a race to run.
Let's talk about this when we get back.
Just be careful, Boo.
[smacks kiss.]
And get out of that shell before you crash into something.
I'm not going to crash into [shattering sound.]
Oh, boy.
[grunting.]
[wings flapping.]
Are you an angel? Hardly.
I am Baron Von Schwarzhozen.
[electronic dinging.]
- And you are? - Chet "Danger" Chet.
Well, Chet Danger Chet.
A little piece of advice about hovering: Smaller shifts of weight will be easier to control.
Yeah? Hey, thanks.
Do you do stunts, too? Me? No.
But I am affiliated with a stunt race type event for adventurous types, like yourself.
"Bumperdome?" Never heard of it.
Of course not, it's too small-time an event for a stunt racer of your obvious talents.
Actually, this might be just what I need.
I don't know, you might be bored.
- Will there be action? - Of course.
- And adventure? - Indeed.
- And danger? - Just a smidge.
- What time should I be there? - Doors open at six, race starts at seven.
[whirring.]
[rock music plays.]
[crowd chanting.]
Welcome, Chet Danger Chet.
I knew you would come.
Why wouldn't I? Danger's my middle name.
Of course.
Ladies and gentlethings, be welcome to Bumperdome! [cheering.]
And now to be meeting our racers led by our returning champion.
He's the rhinoceros beetle, with attitude as big as his horn.
Gigundous! Gigundous will destroy you! [growling.]
Now, what kind of smack talk would Turbo use on these guys? Something clever like, "Hey, racers, ready to have your socks blown off? Not that any of you wear socks, but if you did, my incredible talent would remove them.
" - Huh! Snailed it.
- Gigundous will destroy you! Yeah, yeah.
We heard you the first time.
We didn't believe you then either.
Burn! - So, how many laps are we doing? - Laps? Laps?! [all laughing.]
Didn't think it was that funny.
As always, Bumperdome is a race to the end! - [all.]
To the end! - Well, duh, that's where the finish line is.
Am I right? Only one will survive! [all.]
One will survive! One will survive to win, right? Let the spectacle begin! [beeping.]
[grunts.]
[chuckles.]
Amateurs.
Learn to drive! Hey, no passing on the right.
[screams.]
[laughs.]
[dinging.]
[tires screech.]
Ha! The way forward.
See you later, horn for brains.
[growling.]
Wow, I am way ahead of everyone.
I could win this.
[grunts.]
Excuse me, foul! That's gotta be a foul, right? [grunts.]
Gigundous smashes into Chet Danger Chet.
- Who will survive? - I know his English isn't very good, but when he keeps saying "survive" does he literally mean Und by survive, I literally mean survive this race to the death! To the death? That's not a race! That's just a fight! This danger thing has gotten too dangerous.
[grunts.]
[slow-motion yelling.]
Nooo [shuddering.]
I quit! I want out! It is not possible, Chet Danger Chet.
[giggles.]
[growling.]
OK, fine.
They can't hit what they can't see.
Like a shadow.
Chet Shadow.
Do I spy some people who are hiding instead of racing? I really don't think you know what that word means.
Release the pinballs.
[crowd cheering.]
[stuttering.]
P-P-Pinballs! [grunting.]
Ow! Right in the thorax.
[exhales.]
Sweet fancy ketchup, get me out of here! Hey, Chet, we're back! We brought you some takeout.
And a giant honking trophy! Another day, another outstanding victory.
We came, we saw, we looped the loopity-loop until it couldn't be looped no loop, you dig? Where is Chet? I feel like a victory smooch or two or ten.
[Turbo.]
He left a note.
"Dear team, I went to compete in a dangerous event to prove how much I love danger.
Dangerously yours, Chet Danger Chet.
" Sounds like it might be dangerous.
- What event? - "P.
S.
It's called 'Bumperdome.
'" - Bumperdome?! - Bumperdome?! What's Bumperdome? It's an underground survival race, only one racer gets out alive.
- Boo! - Come on, we gotta go get him.
[tires screeching.]
[whirring.]
Pardon me, excuse me, coming through! [grunts, laughs.]
No, no, no, don't flip me, bro! Sorry, sorry! [static fizzling.]
Oh, no, hover shell.
Don't stop hovering on me now.
[grunting, laughing.]
[gulps.]
Gigundous, smash! [roars.]
It seems we have just two worthy competitors remaining.
- You know what this means! - It's a tie, and we all get to go home? [all.]
Multiball! Multiball! The mayhem is delicious.
This is not how I define delicious! [grunts.]
[zooming.]
[tires screeching.]
- Chet, what are you doing in there? - Get me out of here! Get me out of here! I thought I wanted to live my life, but I just want to live! [grunting.]
- You gotta stop this race! - Sorry, that is beyond my power.
Even though I am in charge.
Ironic, is it not? Did I mention next Tuesday is Ladies Night? [grunts.]
- Get him out of there! - How? This looks like the end for Chet Danger Chet.
[stomping.]
[dinging.]
- What do I do? - CAT! CAT! There's a cat?! [screams.]
What? Check for danger, it's everywhere.
Avoid the danger? Impossible.
[both.]
Tuck and roll! Oh! Mommy.
[dinging.]
The winner is Chet Danger Chet! [all cheering.]
I won? I mean, I won! When can we schedule your title defense? I am so out of here, I didn't even hear that.
I did.
[screams.]
[Whiplash.]
Well, safety snail, you brought home some iron.
Maybe you could be one of us after all.
I think I serve this team best as your boring, old safety snail.
Ah, that's too bad because I made some mods to your old shell.
I call it, "The Shellicopter!" [mechanical whirring.]
- But, if you don't want it - Well, hang on.
OK, I want the safety back.
[chuckles.]
I want the safety back! [music.]
Hey, thanks, little amigos.
[zooming sound.]
[tires screeching.]
Clean and sparkly.
There's a reason the health inspector gave us an A.
Besides the free quesadillas.
Well, that's it for tonight, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you guys.
[Whiplash.]
Man, I love me some tamaco.
[munching.]
They're like bites of awesome.
And spicy, just like my man.
Right, baby? Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
[squealing.]
[bell ringing.]
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! [sizzling.]
[screams.]
[siren blaring.]
It burns so much! [crashing.]
Poor guy.
I could eat these all day.
Ohh! Last one! - Dibs! - Mine! [mechanical whirring.]
[engine revving.]
[all.]
Race, race, race, race, race! - You know what, you can have it.
- Really? If you can take it from me, ha-ha! [tires screeching.]
[all clamoring.]
You know why you're not going to get this tamaco from me? - Because I know your weaknesses.
- Yeah, like what? Hey! [grunts.]
[tires screeching.]
[clanking.]
[grunts.]
[all laughing.]
You may be fast, but you brake like a dump truck.
So this isn't just about the tamaco now, is it? Oh, it's still about this delicious tamaco, but you might learn something before I enjoy it.
You wanna know another one of your weaknesses? You always pass on the left.
And you still brake like a dump truck.
[indistinct chatter.]
Huh? [male voice.]
Totally! Gnarly! Sewer surfers.
Chyeah! We made it.
The promised stand.
The taquito-topia.
Dos Bros, brahs.
Taquitos! I'm gonna tear 'em up! [splashing.]
Whoa! You guys are here for Dos Bros? Yeah, you got a problem with that? - Uh, should I? - Pardon my brah, brah.
We just heard this muncheria has the best taquitos in the valley.
Gonna get some! In my mouth hole.
Oh, I'm sorry to tell you, but this "muncheria" is closed.
No muncheria is ever closed for a cockroach.
Be tranquil, brah.
Brahsef, we've traveled far.
Ridden many sets across many sewer systems to reach this mecca.
Perhaps you know a way to hook a brah up.
Well, uh, we do have one tamaco left.
[sizzling.]
[sniffs.]
I'm picking up a super harsh spicy vibe.
Got anything more mellow? Maybe something from inside the stand? Uh, we can look.
- Step up, brah! - Oh, I ain't your brah.
- And you ain't going into that taco stand.
- It's cool, Whiplash, we'll just grab a few taquitos, I'm sure Tito won't mind.
Oh, he'll mind.
When the place is infested.
You may not know this, garden snail, but once you let a roach in they never leave.
Your stereotypes are hurtful, brah.
Enough talk, it's food or fight.
[whistles.]
[mechanical whirring.]
Well, if you're gonna be like that about it.
[engine revs.]
[growling.]
Whoa, whoa, let's all chillax here, braheemios.
Please forgive my compadres, they can get a little aggro when something is standing between them and their taquitos.
Maybe I wasn't clear.
There are no "their taquitos" in this situation.
The sign says "Dos Bros," not "Gross Bros.
" [pop.]
You slime bellies really want to go to war over a taco stand? Over this taco stand? Oh, yeah.
[growling.]
[tires screeching.]
[grunting.]
Ahh! [grunts.]
- Stand down, Warlarva.
- I want my taquito! Looks like we'll have to ride the tide elsewhere.
This turf is clearly under shelled control.
Come on, brahs.
Feel another set of killer flushes coming.
[all whooping.]
Hasta la vista, brah.
[splashing.]
[cheering.]
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Oh, it's not over.
They'll be back, tonight.
And it's gonna be up to us to defend Dos Bros.
Defend Dos Bros? What did I miss? There's no way they'd have the guts to come back.
- We just crushed 'em.
- Crushed who? Believe me, it'll be an all-out infestation.
- Of what? - In that case, we've got a lot of work to do.
Why?! [Whiplash.]
Now they'll be back with numbers, - and we need to stop all of them.
- All of who?! Oh.
Sorry, man, we talking about roaches.
Roaches? Dirty, disease-bearing roaches? All right, snails, this place has to be impenetrable.
I'm talking Fort Knox.
Secure the perimeter.
[all chewing and spitting.]
[gulp.]
[Chet.]
That's right, we're going to war.
We're talking DEFCON Level: Alamo, here.
Seal every crack.
[beeping.]
[tires screeching.]
Plug every hole.
Lock every door.
Nice job, Chet.
- So what do we do now? - Now, we wait.
[rumbling.]
Oh! That was my stomach.
[crunching.]
I can't blame those guys.
These taquitos are yummy.
Shh! Think I see something.
[screams.]
- Sorry, sorry.
- Not cool, moth.
Not cool.
Relax, everyone, we're probably in for a long They're here.
[all chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
So many.
I didn't think there'd be this many! Maybe we should just give them a taquito or two.
Mmm-mmm, taquitos are a gateway food.
Next, they'll want burritos.
Then quesadillas.
They won't stop until they've had the whole enchilada.
- They will eat everything! - [gulps.]
Everything? You know that shawarma shack on Victory and Sepulveda? - Huh? There's no shawarma shack there.
- Not anymore.
[all chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Don't celebrate yet, they're still coming.
Second wave! [chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
- I can't see anything.
- Classic swarm tactics.
They're getting ready to make a move.
[banging.]
Shadow, get on that door.
[tires screeching.]
- [male voice.]
Whoa-ho! - It sounded like it came from inside.
Where? What did we forget to plug? - [male voice.]
Tubular! - The drain! [all chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui [grunts.]
Whoa.
Whoaaaa! They're breaching the bean seals! Tortilla patch, stat! Those tortillas aren't gonna hold! It's taquito time! [gasps.]
[grunting.]
[yells.]
[train whistle blows.]
Spicy! So harsh! Picking up a super harsh spicy vibe.
[echoing.]
Spicy, their weakness is spicy! Looks like you did learn something after all, garden snail.
Now, if only we were holed up in a location that served ethnic cuisine known for its peppery punch.
Yeah, too bad the shawarma shack is gone.
Oh! [whirring.]
[yelling.]
Feel the burn! Oh-ho! A little salsa music for you.
[salsa music plays.]
[all yelling.]
Time to get these sewer-surfing roaches out of our taco-serving stand! [all yelling.]
Spice so harsh! Bail, brahs! Bail! [shouting.]
Whiplash, over there.
Don't spice me, brah.
We surrender.
This turf is yours.
No hard feelings, brahs.
[chuckles.]
Hm? Man, that roach really wants some taquitos.
Let's give him one.
For to take away.
- You mean to go.
- Yes.
Looking for this? [grunts.]
Yes, finally! [chewing loudly.]
Now, Chet! - No! [grunts.]
- Shadow bomb! Ahh! Hot sauce! Maximum harshitude! [yelling.]
[all cheering.]
That's how you do it! Now they won't come back.
Great, 'cause, uh, we got a lot of cleaning to do.
Sounds like a job for the Fast Action Sanitation Team.
- Oh, come on! - We worked all night! I'm tired.
I'll tell you what, first one to clean their section, gets that last tamaco.
[all shouting.]
Oh, it's on brahs.
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # Safety note number 208: Salt packet with frayed edges.
Possible containment leak.
Morning, Chet.
What's new? - I'll tell you what's new: CAT! - Cat?! Where is it? Where? Relax, CAT is an acronym for my new safety philosophy.
Check for danger.
Avoid danger.
And if you can't avoid it, tuck and roll when you encounter danger.
I got a new acronym, Chet's an idiot.
That's not an acronym.
- Do you even know what an acronym is? - Shoo, fly, get off of there! - Chimichanga! - Hope that's not another acronym.
[screeching sound.]
Ahh, salt packet! Ahh, spork! [splat.]
[yelling in slow-motion.]
[gasps.]
I can't believe it.
I was inches away from being crushed by a flying food bomb, and I've never felt more alive! What is this sensation, 'cause I want more! Come at me, spork! That's what I thought.
Hey, Skidmark, I just had this weird, tingly feeling.
Do you have periods of missing time? Do you recognize this man? No.
No, no, what happened was I was almost crushed by an errant chimichanga, and I loved it! Ah, sounds like you had your first adrenaline rush.
Is that what that was? How do I get that feeling again? Hmm I get mine out on the track.
Or from a legitimate Clamsquatch sighting.
Yeah, but I'd probably need a new shell.
My new Hovershell 3000? No way.
It's totally untested.
Totally experimental.
- Totally - Dangerous? I want it.
- I'm not sure you're ready.
- I said I want it! [zooming sound.]
[tires screeching.]
Come on, people.
Less hesitatin', more motivatin'.
The super looper race is tonight and we want to show like champs, not chumps.
[zooming.]
Turbo's out in front! The crowd goes crazy! [cheering.]
He's joined by Whiplash, Burn, Skidmark, Smoove Move, White Shadow, - and Chet.
- Hey, guys! Wait, Chet? Whoa! What gives, Chet? And where's your ambulance shell? You know I like my baby in uniform.
[whirring.]
Skidmark gave me the shell.
It's experimental, and dangerous.
Like me.
[all laughing.]
Seriously, I wanna join you guys and feel the thrill of living life on the edge.
I'm sorry, I have something hilarious in my eye.
Whoo! Now move out of the way, we've got work to do.
Oh, so all you can push the edge of the envelope and take risks, - but not me, huh? - That is not what he's saying.
No, that's pretty much exactly what I was saying.
Chet, come on, you're the safety guy.
We need you and your sayings and your acronyms, like, what's that one? Uh, CAP, right? - I think it's CAPE.
- CAKE? CAT! [all exclaiming.]
That was the old Chet, the new Chet wants to seek out danger and laugh in its face.
- Who wants to laugh with me? - Look, Chet, we have a race to run.
Let's talk about this when we get back.
Just be careful, Boo.
[smacks kiss.]
And get out of that shell before you crash into something.
I'm not going to crash into [shattering sound.]
Oh, boy.
[grunting.]
[wings flapping.]
Are you an angel? Hardly.
I am Baron Von Schwarzhozen.
[electronic dinging.]
- And you are? - Chet "Danger" Chet.
Well, Chet Danger Chet.
A little piece of advice about hovering: Smaller shifts of weight will be easier to control.
Yeah? Hey, thanks.
Do you do stunts, too? Me? No.
But I am affiliated with a stunt race type event for adventurous types, like yourself.
"Bumperdome?" Never heard of it.
Of course not, it's too small-time an event for a stunt racer of your obvious talents.
Actually, this might be just what I need.
I don't know, you might be bored.
- Will there be action? - Of course.
- And adventure? - Indeed.
- And danger? - Just a smidge.
- What time should I be there? - Doors open at six, race starts at seven.
[whirring.]
[rock music plays.]
[crowd chanting.]
Welcome, Chet Danger Chet.
I knew you would come.
Why wouldn't I? Danger's my middle name.
Of course.
Ladies and gentlethings, be welcome to Bumperdome! [cheering.]
And now to be meeting our racers led by our returning champion.
He's the rhinoceros beetle, with attitude as big as his horn.
Gigundous! Gigundous will destroy you! [growling.]
Now, what kind of smack talk would Turbo use on these guys? Something clever like, "Hey, racers, ready to have your socks blown off? Not that any of you wear socks, but if you did, my incredible talent would remove them.
" - Huh! Snailed it.
- Gigundous will destroy you! Yeah, yeah.
We heard you the first time.
We didn't believe you then either.
Burn! - So, how many laps are we doing? - Laps? Laps?! [all laughing.]
Didn't think it was that funny.
As always, Bumperdome is a race to the end! - [all.]
To the end! - Well, duh, that's where the finish line is.
Am I right? Only one will survive! [all.]
One will survive! One will survive to win, right? Let the spectacle begin! [beeping.]
[grunts.]
[chuckles.]
Amateurs.
Learn to drive! Hey, no passing on the right.
[screams.]
[laughs.]
[dinging.]
[tires screech.]
Ha! The way forward.
See you later, horn for brains.
[growling.]
Wow, I am way ahead of everyone.
I could win this.
[grunts.]
Excuse me, foul! That's gotta be a foul, right? [grunts.]
Gigundous smashes into Chet Danger Chet.
- Who will survive? - I know his English isn't very good, but when he keeps saying "survive" does he literally mean Und by survive, I literally mean survive this race to the death! To the death? That's not a race! That's just a fight! This danger thing has gotten too dangerous.
[grunts.]
[slow-motion yelling.]
Nooo [shuddering.]
I quit! I want out! It is not possible, Chet Danger Chet.
[giggles.]
[growling.]
OK, fine.
They can't hit what they can't see.
Like a shadow.
Chet Shadow.
Do I spy some people who are hiding instead of racing? I really don't think you know what that word means.
Release the pinballs.
[crowd cheering.]
[stuttering.]
P-P-Pinballs! [grunting.]
Ow! Right in the thorax.
[exhales.]
Sweet fancy ketchup, get me out of here! Hey, Chet, we're back! We brought you some takeout.
And a giant honking trophy! Another day, another outstanding victory.
We came, we saw, we looped the loopity-loop until it couldn't be looped no loop, you dig? Where is Chet? I feel like a victory smooch or two or ten.
[Turbo.]
He left a note.
"Dear team, I went to compete in a dangerous event to prove how much I love danger.
Dangerously yours, Chet Danger Chet.
" Sounds like it might be dangerous.
- What event? - "P.
S.
It's called 'Bumperdome.
'" - Bumperdome?! - Bumperdome?! What's Bumperdome? It's an underground survival race, only one racer gets out alive.
- Boo! - Come on, we gotta go get him.
[tires screeching.]
[whirring.]
Pardon me, excuse me, coming through! [grunts, laughs.]
No, no, no, don't flip me, bro! Sorry, sorry! [static fizzling.]
Oh, no, hover shell.
Don't stop hovering on me now.
[grunting, laughing.]
[gulps.]
Gigundous, smash! [roars.]
It seems we have just two worthy competitors remaining.
- You know what this means! - It's a tie, and we all get to go home? [all.]
Multiball! Multiball! The mayhem is delicious.
This is not how I define delicious! [grunts.]
[zooming.]
[tires screeching.]
- Chet, what are you doing in there? - Get me out of here! Get me out of here! I thought I wanted to live my life, but I just want to live! [grunting.]
- You gotta stop this race! - Sorry, that is beyond my power.
Even though I am in charge.
Ironic, is it not? Did I mention next Tuesday is Ladies Night? [grunts.]
- Get him out of there! - How? This looks like the end for Chet Danger Chet.
[stomping.]
[dinging.]
- What do I do? - CAT! CAT! There's a cat?! [screams.]
What? Check for danger, it's everywhere.
Avoid the danger? Impossible.
[both.]
Tuck and roll! Oh! Mommy.
[dinging.]
The winner is Chet Danger Chet! [all cheering.]
I won? I mean, I won! When can we schedule your title defense? I am so out of here, I didn't even hear that.
I did.
[screams.]
[Whiplash.]
Well, safety snail, you brought home some iron.
Maybe you could be one of us after all.
I think I serve this team best as your boring, old safety snail.
Ah, that's too bad because I made some mods to your old shell.
I call it, "The Shellicopter!" [mechanical whirring.]
- But, if you don't want it - Well, hang on.
OK, I want the safety back.
[chuckles.]
I want the safety back! [music.]
Hey, thanks, little amigos.
[zooming sound.]
[tires screeching.]
Clean and sparkly.
There's a reason the health inspector gave us an A.
Besides the free quesadillas.
Well, that's it for tonight, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you guys.
[Whiplash.]
Man, I love me some tamaco.
[munching.]
They're like bites of awesome.
And spicy, just like my man.
Right, baby? Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
[squealing.]
[bell ringing.]
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! [sizzling.]
[screams.]
[siren blaring.]
It burns so much! [crashing.]
Poor guy.
I could eat these all day.
Ohh! Last one! - Dibs! - Mine! [mechanical whirring.]
[engine revving.]
[all.]
Race, race, race, race, race! - You know what, you can have it.
- Really? If you can take it from me, ha-ha! [tires screeching.]
[all clamoring.]
You know why you're not going to get this tamaco from me? - Because I know your weaknesses.
- Yeah, like what? Hey! [grunts.]
[tires screeching.]
[clanking.]
[grunts.]
[all laughing.]
You may be fast, but you brake like a dump truck.
So this isn't just about the tamaco now, is it? Oh, it's still about this delicious tamaco, but you might learn something before I enjoy it.
You wanna know another one of your weaknesses? You always pass on the left.
And you still brake like a dump truck.
[indistinct chatter.]
Huh? [male voice.]
Totally! Gnarly! Sewer surfers.
Chyeah! We made it.
The promised stand.
The taquito-topia.
Dos Bros, brahs.
Taquitos! I'm gonna tear 'em up! [splashing.]
Whoa! You guys are here for Dos Bros? Yeah, you got a problem with that? - Uh, should I? - Pardon my brah, brah.
We just heard this muncheria has the best taquitos in the valley.
Gonna get some! In my mouth hole.
Oh, I'm sorry to tell you, but this "muncheria" is closed.
No muncheria is ever closed for a cockroach.
Be tranquil, brah.
Brahsef, we've traveled far.
Ridden many sets across many sewer systems to reach this mecca.
Perhaps you know a way to hook a brah up.
Well, uh, we do have one tamaco left.
[sizzling.]
[sniffs.]
I'm picking up a super harsh spicy vibe.
Got anything more mellow? Maybe something from inside the stand? Uh, we can look.
- Step up, brah! - Oh, I ain't your brah.
- And you ain't going into that taco stand.
- It's cool, Whiplash, we'll just grab a few taquitos, I'm sure Tito won't mind.
Oh, he'll mind.
When the place is infested.
You may not know this, garden snail, but once you let a roach in they never leave.
Your stereotypes are hurtful, brah.
Enough talk, it's food or fight.
[whistles.]
[mechanical whirring.]
Well, if you're gonna be like that about it.
[engine revs.]
[growling.]
Whoa, whoa, let's all chillax here, braheemios.
Please forgive my compadres, they can get a little aggro when something is standing between them and their taquitos.
Maybe I wasn't clear.
There are no "their taquitos" in this situation.
The sign says "Dos Bros," not "Gross Bros.
" [pop.]
You slime bellies really want to go to war over a taco stand? Over this taco stand? Oh, yeah.
[growling.]
[tires screeching.]
[grunting.]
Ahh! [grunts.]
- Stand down, Warlarva.
- I want my taquito! Looks like we'll have to ride the tide elsewhere.
This turf is clearly under shelled control.
Come on, brahs.
Feel another set of killer flushes coming.
[all whooping.]
Hasta la vista, brah.
[splashing.]
[cheering.]
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Oh, it's not over.
They'll be back, tonight.
And it's gonna be up to us to defend Dos Bros.
Defend Dos Bros? What did I miss? There's no way they'd have the guts to come back.
- We just crushed 'em.
- Crushed who? Believe me, it'll be an all-out infestation.
- Of what? - In that case, we've got a lot of work to do.
Why?! [Whiplash.]
Now they'll be back with numbers, - and we need to stop all of them.
- All of who?! Oh.
Sorry, man, we talking about roaches.
Roaches? Dirty, disease-bearing roaches? All right, snails, this place has to be impenetrable.
I'm talking Fort Knox.
Secure the perimeter.
[all chewing and spitting.]
[gulp.]
[Chet.]
That's right, we're going to war.
We're talking DEFCON Level: Alamo, here.
Seal every crack.
[beeping.]
[tires screeching.]
Plug every hole.
Lock every door.
Nice job, Chet.
- So what do we do now? - Now, we wait.
[rumbling.]
Oh! That was my stomach.
[crunching.]
I can't blame those guys.
These taquitos are yummy.
Shh! Think I see something.
[screams.]
- Sorry, sorry.
- Not cool, moth.
Not cool.
Relax, everyone, we're probably in for a long They're here.
[all chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
So many.
I didn't think there'd be this many! Maybe we should just give them a taquito or two.
Mmm-mmm, taquitos are a gateway food.
Next, they'll want burritos.
Then quesadillas.
They won't stop until they've had the whole enchilada.
- They will eat everything! - [gulps.]
Everything? You know that shawarma shack on Victory and Sepulveda? - Huh? There's no shawarma shack there.
- Not anymore.
[all chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Don't celebrate yet, they're still coming.
Second wave! [chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
- I can't see anything.
- Classic swarm tactics.
They're getting ready to make a move.
[banging.]
Shadow, get on that door.
[tires screeching.]
- [male voice.]
Whoa-ho! - It sounded like it came from inside.
Where? What did we forget to plug? - [male voice.]
Tubular! - The drain! [all chanting.]
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui-tos.
Ta-qui [grunts.]
Whoa.
Whoaaaa! They're breaching the bean seals! Tortilla patch, stat! Those tortillas aren't gonna hold! It's taquito time! [gasps.]
[grunting.]
[yells.]
[train whistle blows.]
Spicy! So harsh! Picking up a super harsh spicy vibe.
[echoing.]
Spicy, their weakness is spicy! Looks like you did learn something after all, garden snail.
Now, if only we were holed up in a location that served ethnic cuisine known for its peppery punch.
Yeah, too bad the shawarma shack is gone.
Oh! [whirring.]
[yelling.]
Feel the burn! Oh-ho! A little salsa music for you.
[salsa music plays.]
[all yelling.]
Time to get these sewer-surfing roaches out of our taco-serving stand! [all yelling.]
Spice so harsh! Bail, brahs! Bail! [shouting.]
Whiplash, over there.
Don't spice me, brah.
We surrender.
This turf is yours.
No hard feelings, brahs.
[chuckles.]
Hm? Man, that roach really wants some taquitos.
Let's give him one.
For to take away.
- You mean to go.
- Yes.
Looking for this? [grunts.]
Yes, finally! [chewing loudly.]
Now, Chet! - No! [grunts.]
- Shadow bomb! Ahh! Hot sauce! Maximum harshitude! [yelling.]
[all cheering.]
That's how you do it! Now they won't come back.
Great, 'cause, uh, we got a lot of cleaning to do.
Sounds like a job for the Fast Action Sanitation Team.
- Oh, come on! - We worked all night! I'm tired.
I'll tell you what, first one to clean their section, gets that last tamaco.
[all shouting.]
Oh, it's on brahs.