Undead Murder Farce (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
The Immortal and the Oni
Episode Three
How does everything taste?
It's quite delicious.
I didn't know what I would've done
if we were served fresh blood.
I was gonna try and say my granny's
will forbade me to have any.
But you do mainly consume blood?
We do.
If we don't have blood regularly,
we lose energy.
That being said, we no
longer consume human blood.
Ms. Rindo, do you not need to eat?
Don't mind me.
Even if I'd like to eat,
I'm afraid that I cannot.
I've put on a few pounds lately, you see.
Master, stop.
I totally just spit my bread out.
Father, can we really
leave this matter to them?
It's true that they're a bit odd,
but they've been logical
about the investigation.
They go beyond "a bit odd."
I don't really think we
can trust them either.
Not to mention, they tried to put
one over on the carriage driver.
W-Were you there?
Yeah.
I heard the sound of a carriage,
so I hid nearby, hoping to get
a look at the detectives.
On top of the crumbling tower, right?
Y-You saw me?
He's like a vampire.
Anyway, I believe they
are capable detectives.
Capable detectives, huh?
Oh, no thank you
If you ask me, they seem
like cheap con artists.
Er
By the way, Ms. Severed Head,
how did you know about Natalie earlier?
That's quite simple. I could
tell by looking at your clothes.
Who's Natalie?
That severed head mentioned that
the driver had stopped drinking
because his wife yelled at him.
Your vest
Around the stomach, the color is faded
and the seams are worn.
It must get soiled frequently, and your
wife scrubs it clean every time.
You have a habit of spilling
food on your clothes.
Usually, adults only do that
when they're severely drunk.
Your facial hair is unkempt,
but the collar of your shirt is clean,
and some of the buttons have been replaced.
That suggests your wife
regularly irons and mends it.
Your vest appears to have been
last washed about a week ago,
but there don't seem to be any
new stains around your stomach.
Which would mean that you
haven't had a drink in a week.
But why?
Because someone sternly
told you to stop drinking.
For example, a scrupulous housewife
sick of having to wash
her drunken husband's dirty clothes.
She seems attentive and rather lovely.
You should treasure her.
I will
That's amazing.
You remind me of that famous
detective from London.
I think his name was Charles No, Cielo
Sherlock Holmes.
That's it.
I'm quite flattered to be compared
to the great Mister Holmes.
Though I must say, I'm not
as much of a genius as he is.
Have you ever met him?
No, I have not met him in person.
I hope I never meet him, in fact.
I hear he's quite the weirdo.
Now then, Lord Godard, there are a few
things I'd like for you to tell me.
What might that be?
It's about the night Madame
Hannah was murdered.
The body was discovered
just past 1:30 AM, correct?
Did you have lunch around
midnight that day, as well?
Yes, with everyone in the mansion.
When did you finish your meal?
I believe around 12:30.
About an hour before the body was found, then.
What did she do after she
was done with her meal?
As usual,
she said she was going to
rest for a bit in her room.
I went up to the study on the second floor,
and was chatting with Claude.
Did any of you see Madame
Hannah after your meal?
So you were with Claude after the meal?
Y-Yes. We were talking about
the management of the town.
Charlotte tagged along.
She was playing with her dolls.
When 1:00 AM came around,
Claude and I left the study together
and parted ways in the entry hall.
I always go out hunting
on Mondays at that hour.
So I went to the storage room
to get my rifle.
Nothing seemed amiss there at the time.
Which suggests the weapon was taken,
and your wife attacked, after that.
So it would seem.
Not a minute after I left the mansion,
Raoul said that he wanted to go look
at plants, so he tagged along.
He was with me the whole time in the forest.
I fired my rifle three times, but I failed
to hit my target even once.
What? You didn't hit anything then?
What do you mean?
Well, I heard the three gunshots
go off deep in the forest.
Deep in the forest How curious.
By the way, where did you go after
you parted ways with Lord Godard?
I returned to my room and was by myself.
I left Charlotte with Giselle.
She wouldn't shut up about
wanting to sing.
Understood. Let's move on.
Raoul, what were you doing during the thirty
minutes after you finished eating,
but before you went hunting?
Why are you asking me that?
You're questioning us because
you suspect us, is that it?
Ms. Rindo, don't tell me you
think one of us killed Hannah.
Yes, that is what I believe.
I-Impossible That's just absurd.
Well, Raoul. Would you care to enlighten me?
If you can't tell me, I'll have
to assume that there's quite a reason.
I'm the opposite of my brother.
I was in my room until one.
But I was with my father
when the murder happened,
so I'm not the murderer.
But there's a bit of a time gap between
when Lord Godard checked the storage room
and when you exited the mansion.
Vampires may be fast, but we can't
commit a murder in a minute.
By the way, while you were in
your room, did you hear any noises?
No, not at all.
I see. Thank you very much.
Next, Ms. Giselle.
Y-Y-Yes, ma'am?
Where did you go, and what did you
do, after lunch ended at 12:30 AM?
I-I cleaned up the kitchen, a-and then
went to the laundry room at 1:00 AM.
That's what I do every day.
On my way, I ran into those two.
Miss Lottie seemed bored, so I sang
her some songs while I did the laundry.
So from 1:00 AM until
the body was discovered,
you were with Miss Charlotte the whole time?
I believe that I went to the bathroom once.
But that only took a minute or two.
Otherwise, I was with Miss Charlotte.
I see.
Miss Charlotte, is that true?
Yes.
Very good. Thank you.
Next, Mr. Alfred.
Where did you go, and what did
you do, after the meal?
I went down to the office in the basement
and was adjusting the master's schedule.
Other than that, nothing.
Which means you were by
yourself the whole time.
Indeed, that is correct.
Did you hear any noise when
you were in that room?
No, not at all.
Thank you very much.
This means that we've managed to
narrow down the ones without an alibi
after 1:00 AM to two people
Mister Alfred and Claude.
I-I would never!
Give me a break.
Ms. Rindo! There's no way that
Claude would kill his mother.
Alfred can't be the killer, either!
He's not the sort of human that
would engage in hunting.
Lord Godard, I'm fairly certain
I explained this earlier.
There are far too many factors that
make it highly implausible
that this was done by an outsider.
Yes, but
Miss Charlotte!
Thanks for the meal.
It's strange that you can sorta
plop animal blood onto a dish like that
and have it looking like
some expensive cuisine.
The Japanese do say that blood
is thicker than saltwater fish,
so it might actually be tasty.
It's "thicker than water."
And the phrase involves "koi."
Koi? I can't say that I recommend eating
koi. They're very fishy.
Honestly, once you get on a roll,
you never know when to quit.
Shizuku, say something.
Please jump in a pond and
feed yourself to the koi.
S-So cold and unkind.
By the way, Master, how goes the investigation?
Logical deductions made
based upon the facts
have revealed two mutually
contradictory factors.
Thus, my scrutiny continues.
That was as clear as mud.
Exactly, it's as clear as mud to me.
You're keeping up so well!
But you talked like you
knew everything earlier.
That was mostly to buy us time.
Anyway, Shizuku.
Yes, Lady Aya.
I want you to keep an eye on the two servants.
Stop them if they try to leave.
As you wish.
Do you think the servants did it?
I'd say they're the prime suspects.
This murder would've proven
difficult for the others.
For Lord Godard, Claude—
What's this about me?
Well, hello there.
Comment allez-vous?
I didn't kill my mother, detectives.
Oh?
You're breaking your necks over nothing.
Good sir, my neck is long since broken.
Well
There's at least one more neck to break.
Father may have signed that pact,
but I'm still a vampire!
I can easily snap your neck like a twig.
I'll keep that in mind, thanks.
Master, are you all right?
That was certainly a threat.
It sure was. Do you think he's the murderer?
It'd be so simple if I could
say without a doubt that he was
But his hands were clean.
During our meal, I made sure to pay close
attention to all of the vampires' hands.
And all of their hands were pristine.
Not so much as a scratch on them.
What exactly does that mean?
I guess, for now, we should look for that.
Won't you have a seat?
No, don't mind me.
Have you been an attendant long?
Ever since I was born.
That must've been very hard.
From my perspective, you two have it harder.
True. Having to live our lives
at night can prove difficult,
but after twenty years, you get used to it.
I'm still not used to it.
But I've gotten quite skilled at drawing
blood from various animals.
That's a special skill you can
only hone in this household.
It's already 1:00 AM.
I must head to the study.
You may not.
Please remain here. I've been
ordered to stay with you both.
But I have work that I must
attend to with the master.
The master actually just headed west
into the forest with Mister Shinuchi.
What? For what reason?
I'm not sure,
but Mister Shinuchi was laughing
about going to look for something.
What is wrong with that man?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry for
insulting your master like that.
Please, go ahead.
I don't serve the likes of that
lowlife, bastard storyteller wannabe.
The only one I serve is Lady Aya Rindo.
Tsugaru, have you caught a cold?
No, I just suddenly felt a chill.
Will you be all right? It tends to
be below freezing here at night.
Don't worry about me. This ain't nothin'
compared to the winters in Hakodate.
Hakodate?
Come to think of it,
you mentioned you were from Japan.
But I must say, your French is rather good.
Well, Master beat it into my brain.
I did no such thing. I don't have
the means to beat you, after all.
Welp, you've got me there.
Ms. Rindo, none of the mansion's
inhabitants are the murderer.
The way she was killed was definitely
the work of a vampire hunter.
Please investigate in a more logical manner.
But I am investigating in a logical manner.
I'm only paying attention to the obvious.
Huh?
The site of the hunter attack
is further ahead, is it not?
Let us hurry.
But you sure do care about your family.
I don't wish to lose any more family.
That is all.
I've lost so much already.
Are you talking about Madame Hannah?
Even before I came to this area,
I'd lost three members of my family to murder.
I see.
By the way
Since you're from Japan, you may have heard
about a monster that never dies.
Yes, I believe I've heard of
'em. You mean "Fushi"?
They're called "Fushi"?
In Japanese, that word means "the Immortal."
There's only one in the world.
They may look human, but they never die,
never grow old, never get tired
They're a monster
with a long list of "nevers."
I hear they're even around
a thousand years old.
According to what my father told me,
no matter how badly they are injured,
they will regenerate right on the spot.
So I've heard. Hard not to be envious.
But you see, there's actually
one way to kill the Immortal.
Rather, I should say there's one
kind of creature that can.
And what's that?
The oni.
Oni?
In your language, I believe
they're called "diable" or "ogres."
In Japan, that word indicates a servant of hell.
No monster can withstand the brute
strength produced by an oni's cells.
An oni is capable of wounding any creature,
no matter how strong its
regenerative powers may be.
Therefore, an oni can also kill the Immortal.
I see.
But amusingly enough,
this does not mean that the oni
is the ultimate life form.
Oni may have unrivaled brute strength,
but they're not very sturdy.
Gunshots or explosions can easily kill them.
And most of all, they are
extremely stupid creatures.
They were hunted down by humans during
the Great Purge and are now extinct.
Not even a single one remains
that's in decent shape.
Nothing lasts forever, eh?
Ms. Rindo Could it
be that you're referring
to yourselves?
The Immortal and the oni.
Welp, he's got us, Master.
Don't admit it so easily.
When you said, "I'm not dead. Therefore,
I'm alive," it made me wonder.
But why are you just a severed head—
Oh? Is this a surprise attack?
Yes. It appears as though
our lantern was too bright.
I will not attack humans first.
I will, however, strike fear into the
hearts of those who dare defy me.
I am still the King of Monsters, after all.
Are you the one who killed my wife?
No matter. Accept your punishment.
Whoa, there! Hold up!
Mister Shinuchi.
I'm going to kill him here and now.
Will you kindly testify on my behalf
that it was self-defense?
We must decline. We will not
allow you to kill this man.
But why? He tried to take my life.
He must've been the one
who killed my wife as well.
I'm fairly certain he wasn't.
It appears as though this man
just arrived in town today.
He has soot on his elbow,
likely from resting his arm
against the window of a train.
Doesn't he look like he's spent many days
traveling here from the German countryside?
The Friedrich-Franz Railway.
The date is three days ago.
Mecklenburg
For him to murder your wife in
this mansion three days ago,
when he would have been north of
Berlin, is physically impossible.
He's not the murderer.
Hey, you.
Come back here. Don't run.
I-I'm sorry! Please spare my life.
If you answer my questions, I'll spare you.
What's your name?
Josef.
So you are German.
All of the vampires here are human allies.
Why did you attack him?
To avenge Hugo! This monster killed him.
Nonsense. Hugo was the one
who attacked me!
Silence, monster!
So you did know the other hunter.
Did you know that Hugo was after Lord Godard?
W-We talked about it two weeks ago.
I tried to talk him out of it.
I said messing with a human ally
was a bad idea.
But then he said, fully confident,
"Don't worry. I'll be able to slay him for sure."
But three days ago, I found out
he messed up, so I rushed here.
The last time you talked to Hugo,
he seemed very confident?
Yes. He said he'd gained an incredible ally.
By the way, Josef, did you know
that Hugo had a silver stake?
Silver?
You didn't know it was silver?
Well, he always kept it in a leather case.
No wonder he never showed
it to me, even when I asked.
That's enough. Tsugaru, you may release him.
Please wait, Ms. Rindo!
Well, I'm sure he's learned
his lesson after this,
and he doesn't seem to particularly
hate human allies.
I'm fairly certain that he
won't try to attack you again.
Isn't that right, Josef?
I should've punished him more
when I had the chance.
Oh, don't be like that.
Let's forgive the poor lad.
Because of him, we no longer need
to wander about the forest.
Lord Godard, let us return to your mansion.
Also, please make sure to gather everyone.
Let us put an end to this humorous
and tragic farce of a murder case.
Farce
Farce