Underemployed (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

1 We have become parents.
We are out of diapers? It's our first time changing her.
How can we be out of diapers? Her.
How can we be out of diapers? She shows up out of nowhere how can we be out of diapers? She shows up out of nowhere after eight months of not she shows up out of nowhere after eight months of not calling, and because I don't after eight months of not calling, and because I don't already have a crib and a calling, and because I don't already have a crib and a college fund set up, I'm the already have a crib and a college fund set up, I'm the jerk? College fund set up, I'm the jerk? I'm gonna go do something in jerk? I'm gonna go do something in your honor.
I'm gonna go do something in your honor.
What? Your honor.
What? Buy a 24-pack of condoms, what? Buy a 24-pack of condoms, stat! Buy a 24-pack of condoms, stat! You had sex with your boss? Stat! You had sex with your boss? Yes! You had sex with your boss? Yes! Why don't we stop, get a coffee, yes! Why don't we stop, get a coffee, and just go back to your place? Why don't we stop, get a coffee, and just go back to your place? But no funny stuff.
And just go back to your place? But no funny stuff.
I've met a very special but no funny stuff.
I've met a very special person, and I can't wait to see I've met a very special person, and I can't wait to see her again.
Person, and I can't wait to see her again.
"Her"? Her again.
"Her"? Yeah, her.
What if she has Sophia, like, tied up to her bed up there in her penthouse, like, like, tied up to her bed up there in her penthouse, like, forcing her to write, like, there in her penthouse, like, forcing her to write, like, twilight fan fiction or forcing her to write, like, twilight fan fiction or something? Twilight fan fiction or something? She said she lives something? She said she lives in Oprah's building, right? She said she lives in Oprah's building, right? Yeah.
In Oprah's building, right? Yeah.
It's not the worst place yeah.
It's not the worst place to be tied up in.
It's not the worst place to be tied up in.
I got a text from her today, to be tied up in.
I got a text from her today, and she did not sound too tied I got a text from her today, and she did not sound too tied up.
And she did not sound too tied up.
What'd she say? Up.
What'd she say? She said, "I'm sorry that what'd she say? She said, "I'm sorry that I have been out of touch, and she said, "I'm sorry that I have been out of touch, and I want to catch up soon.
" I have been out of touch, and I want to catch up soon.
" And then she sent me all these I want to catch up soon.
" And then she sent me all these links to songs that I needed to and then she sent me all these links to songs that I needed to check out.
Links to songs that I needed to check out.
New music.
Check out.
New music.
Sounds like love.
New music.
Sounds like love.
If love sounds like smooth sounds like love.
If love sounds like smooth jazz.
If love sounds like smooth jazz.
Oh, come on! Jazz.
Oh, come on! How likely is it that the first oh, come on! How likely is it that the first woman Sophia goes to bed with how likely is it that the first woman Sophia goes to bed with turns out to be the one and woman Sophia goes to bed with turns out to be the one and only? Turns out to be the one and only? I don't care if she's only? I don't care if she's Sophia's one and only.
I don't care if she's Sophia's one and only.
I just want to see her tiny face Sophia's one and only.
I just want to see her tiny face again one more time before I just want to see her tiny face again one more time before I die.
Again one more time before I die.
Can't you get the Israelis I die.
Can't you get the Israelis to copter in on a zipline and can't you get the Israelis to copter in on a zipline and grab her? To copter in on a zipline and grab her? Put a call in to my people.
Grab her? Put a call in to my people.
Thank you.
Put a call in to my people.
Thank you.
Next topic this pizza tastes thank you.
Next topic this pizza tastes like ass.
Next topic this pizza tastes like ass.
Ugh.
Like ass.
Ugh.
I wasn't gonna say anything.
Ugh.
I wasn't gonna say anything.
Why not? I wasn't gonna say anything.
Why not? Because I was trying to be why not? Because I was trying to be nice.
Because I was trying to be nice.
Why didn't we call the nice.
Why didn't we call the regular place, guys? Why didn't we call the regular place, guys? As of last week, I slept with regular place, guys? As of last week, I slept with every girl who works there.
As of last week, I slept with every girl who works there.
Last night they all found out every girl who works there.
Last night they all found out at once.
Last night they all found out at once.
Dude.
At once.
Dude.
Okay.
Totally get that.
Dude.
Okay.
Totally get that.
We'll just eat this, then.
Okay.
Totally get that.
We'll just eat this, then.
I don't want to.
We'll just eat this, then.
I don't want to.
No, no, I don't want to.
I don't want to.
No, no, I don't want to.
I'm sorry, guys.
No, no, I don't want to.
I'm sorry, guys.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, guys.
I'm sorry.
How does something like this I'm sorry.
How does something like this happen? How does something like this happen? I don't know.
Happen? I don't know.
Um, I know how it happened, I don't know.
Um, I know how it happened, technically Um, I know how it happened, technically But I don't know how it technically But I don't know how it happened.
But I don't know how it happened.
Life.
Happened.
Life.
Yeah.
Life.
Yeah.
[Rosemary sighs.]
Yeah.
[Rosemary sighs.]
she's so cute.
[Rosemary sighs.]
She's so cute.
Even when she's pooping.
She's so cute.
Even when she's pooping.
We totally lose that when we even when she's pooping.
We totally lose that when we grow up.
We totally lose that when we grow up.
You haven't.
Grow up.
You haven't.
You're high.
You haven't.
You're high.
No, I'm not.
You're high.
No, I'm not.
I think this moment right now no, I'm not.
I think this moment right now is the happiest moment of my i think this moment right now is the happiest moment of my life.
Is the happiest moment of my life.
[Distant moaning.]
Life.
[Distant moaning.]
that's the sixth time since [distant moaning.]
That's the sixth time since 11:00 last night.
That's the sixth time since 11:00 last night.
Six times! 11:00 last night.
Six times! Did it ever bother you six times! Did it ever bother you before, when dintiano was here? Did it ever bother you before, when dintiano was here? No, but just the idea of that before, when dintiano was here? No, but just the idea of that happening within earshot of no, but just the idea of that happening within earshot of this Happening within earshot of this I mean, someone's gonna do that this I mean, someone's gonna do that to her one day.
I mean, someone's gonna do that to her one day.
Yeah, if she's lucky.
To her one day.
Yeah, if she's lucky.
Veev! Yeah, if she's lucky.
Veev! Look at you being all dad.
Veev! Look at you being all dad.
Who loves the Duke, baby? Look at you being all dad.
Who loves the Duke, baby? Oh, I do! I do! Who loves the Duke, baby? Oh, I do! I do! Who loves the Duke? Oh, I do! I do! Who loves the Duke? Who loves the Duke? Who loves the Duke? Who loves the Duke? I do! [Squealing.]
Who loves the Duke? I do! [Squealing.]
[Knocking on door.]
I do! [Squealing.]
[Knocking on door.]
What the [Knocking on door.]
What the Sorry.
What the Sorry.
That's okay.
Sorry.
That's okay.
Chloe.
That's okay.
Chloe.
Ooh, hello.
Chloe.
Ooh, hello.
Sorry to interrupt the ooh, hello.
Sorry to interrupt the decathlon.
Sorry to interrupt the decathlon.
Dude, we're kind of busy decathlon.
Dude, we're kind of busy here.
Dude, we're kind of busy here.
If you guys are gonna do it here.
If you guys are gonna do it again, uh, we just put Rosemary if you guys are gonna do it again, uh, we just put Rosemary to sleep.
Again, uh, we just put Rosemary to sleep.
Can you try to keep it down? To sleep.
Can you try to keep it down? I'm sorry.
Can you try to keep it down? I'm sorry.
Was I loud? I'm sorry.
Was I loud? Yeah.
Was I loud? Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
He's just so good.
No, I'm sorry.
He's just so good.
Yeah, I know.
He's just so good.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, not personally, but Yeah, I know.
I mean, not personally, but I've heard.
I mean, not personally, but I've heard.
We'll keep it down.
I've heard.
We'll keep it down.
Yeah, thanks.
Appreciate it.
We'll keep it down.
Yeah, thanks.
Appreciate it.
Bye! Yeah, thanks.
Appreciate it.
Bye! Do I really have to keep it bye! Do I really have to keep it down? Do I really have to keep it down? Do what you can.
Down? Do what you can.
[Giggles.]
Do what you can.
[Giggles.]
I have got to go home after [giggles.]
I have got to go home after work today and reclaim my real I have got to go home after work today and reclaim my real life.
Work today and reclaim my real life.
Can't you put it on hold for life.
Can't you put it on hold for one more night? Can't you put it on hold for one more night? I should really go home and one more night? I should really go home and write.
I should really go home and write.
But if you made me an offer Write.
But if you made me an offer You want to see Bahamas? But if you made me an offer You want to see Bahamas? [Sighs.]
You're such a bad you want to see Bahamas? [Sighs.]
You're such a bad influence.
[Sighs.]
You're such a bad influence.
Where is he playing? Influence.
Where is he playing? The hideout.
Where is he playing? The hideout.
I'm friends with his manager.
The hideout.
I'm friends with his manager.
We're all going out afterwards.
I'm friends with his manager.
We're all going out afterwards.
You want to come? We're all going out afterwards.
You want to come? Okay.
You want to come? Okay.
But you have to call my real okay.
But you have to call my real life and tell it that I won't be but you have to call my real life and tell it that I won't be picking it up for another day, life and tell it that I won't be picking it up for another day, because I cannot make that call.
Picking it up for another day, because I cannot make that call.
Ugh.
Because I cannot make that call.
Ugh.
It's gonna be so disappointed.
Ugh.
It's gonna be so disappointed.
It'll work.
It's gonna be so disappointed.
It'll work.
Bye.
It'll work.
Bye.
Bye, Lou.
Bye.
Bye, Lou.
Chloe.
Bye, Lou.
Chloe.
What's that all about? Chloe.
What's that all about? When I asked you guys to keep what's that all about? When I asked you guys to keep it down, I accidentally saw when I asked you guys to keep it down, I accidentally saw Chloe's nipple.
It down, I accidentally saw Chloe's nipple.
What? Chloe's nipple.
What? I didn't mean to.
What? I didn't mean to.
I tried to shield my eyes, I didn't mean to.
I tried to shield my eyes, but there it was, nipple, i tried to shield my eyes, but there it was, nipple, plain as day.
But there it was, nipple, plain as day.
I-I feel like I violated plain as day.
I-I feel like I violated bro code.
I-I feel like I violated bro code.
Dude not cool.
Bro code.
Dude not cool.
Good morning, guys.
Dude not cool.
Good morning, guys.
Good morning.
Good morning, guys.
Good morning.
Veev, could you please pass good morning.
Veev, could you please pass me my vitamins? Veev, could you please pass me my vitamins? Yeah, sure.
Me my vitamins? Yeah, sure.
Here you go.
Yeah, sure.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Thank you.
[Clears throat.]
Thank you.
[Clears throat.]
we're even.
[Clears throat.]
We're even.
Dude, there's no way you saw we're even.
Dude, there's no way you saw anything.
Dude, there's no way you saw anything.
Her back was to you the whole anything.
Her back was to you the whole time.
Her back was to you the whole time.
Toaster Time.
Toaster Reflection Toaster Reflection Nipple.
Reflection Nipple.
See ya.
Nipple.
See ya.
[Both laughing.]
See ya.
[Both laughing.]
where have you been all week? [Both laughing.]
Where have you been all week? Laura's Where have you been all week? Laura's Seven nights in a row.
Laura's Seven nights in a row.
Wow.
Seven nights in a row.
Wow.
I know.
Wow.
I know.
Sex is so much fun.
I know.
Sex is so much fun.
So this lesbian thing, it's sex is so much fun.
So this lesbian thing, it's like So this lesbian thing, it's like Don't say that.
Like Don't say that.
What? Don't say that.
What? Lesbian.
I'm not a lesbian.
What? Lesbian.
I'm not a lesbian.
I'm just Lesbian.
I'm not a lesbian.
I'm just Me being in love.
I'm just Me being in love.
"In love"? Me being in love.
"In love"? Or like.
Whatever.
"In love"? Or like.
Whatever.
You don't have to call or like.
Whatever.
You don't have to call everything something.
You don't have to call everything something.
It's just well, it's going a everything something.
It's just well, it's going a teeny bit fast, isn't it? It's just well, it's going a teeny bit fast, isn't it? Says the danica Patrick of teeny bit fast, isn't it? Says the danica Patrick of dating? Says the danica Patrick of dating? Well, yeah, this is your dating? Well, yeah, this is your first real relationship.
Well, yeah, this is your first real relationship.
I just I just want you to be first real relationship.
I just I just want you to be careful.
I just I just want you to be careful.
I'm being careful.
Careful.
I'm being careful.
Now get off my nuts.
I'm being careful.
Now get off my nuts.
I just miss your little face, now get off my nuts.
I just miss your little face, dodo.
I just miss your little face, dodo.
Mm.
This little face is not dodo.
Mm.
This little face is not going anywhere.
Mm.
This little face is not going anywhere.
It's staying right here.
Going anywhere.
It's staying right here.
Okay.
It's staying right here.
Okay.
[Man speaking indistinctly okay.
[Man speaking indistinctly over pa.]
[Man speaking indistinctly over pa.]
Sex is so much fun.
[Over pa.]
Sex is so much fun.
Stop it! Sex is so much fun.
Stop it! [Both laughing.]
Stop it! [Both laughing.]
so those are my thoughts.
[Both laughing.]
So those are my thoughts.
What do you think? So those are my thoughts.
What do you think? I-I think I hear you.
What do you think? I-I think I hear you.
You take your new position as a I-I think I hear you.
You take your new position as a paid employee very seriously.
You take your new position as a paid employee very seriously.
Even though you know I've broken paid employee very seriously.
Even though you know I've broken up with my girlfriend and even even though you know I've broken up with my girlfriend and even though you have feelings for me, up with my girlfriend and even though you have feelings for me, you don't think it's best for us though you have feelings for me, you don't think it's best for us to have a relationship right you don't think it's best for us to have a relationship right now.
To have a relationship right now.
You want to be a professional now.
You want to be a professional and hope that we can stay you want to be a professional and hope that we can stay friends through all of this.
And hope that we can stay friends through all of this.
Yes.
Right.
Friends through all of this.
Yes.
Right.
Certainly, the strangest and yes.
Right.
Certainly, the strangest and most emotionally intense memo certainly, the strangest and most emotionally intense memo I've ever read on company most emotionally intense memo I've ever read on company letterhead.
I've ever read on company letterhead.
Well, you know, I was trying letterhead.
Well, you know, I was trying to be professional.
Well, you know, I was trying to be professional.
You succeeded.
To be professional.
You succeeded.
Thanks.
You succeeded.
Thanks.
So do you want to talk business? Thanks.
So do you want to talk business? Please.
So do you want to talk business? Please.
Okay, I did some thinking please.
Okay, I did some thinking over the weekend about the okay, I did some thinking over the weekend about the Tequila client that we're trying over the weekend about the Tequila client that we're trying to nail, and I think I have an Tequila client that we're trying to nail, and I think I have an idea.
To nail, and I think I have an idea.
Very exciting.
Idea.
Very exciting.
Okay.
Very exciting.
Okay.
Women.
Okay.
Women.
It's like, "gentlemen, this is women.
It's like, "gentlemen, this is vodka, but with women.
It's like, "gentlemen, this is vodka, but with women.
When every night is ladies vodka, but with women.
When every night is ladies night, make it madura.
" I don't love it.
Because I said I didn't want to have a relationship? Because I said I didn't want to have a relationship? No.
To have a relationship? No.
Because I don't think the no.
Because I don't think the demographic supports a focus because I don't think the demographic supports a focus like that.
I think Demographic supports a focus like that.
I think Well, well, we shape the like that.
I think Well, well, we shape the demographics, right? Well, well, we shape the demographics, right? I mean, make straight Tequila demographics, right? I mean, make straight Tequila a powerful choice for i mean, make straight Tequila a powerful choice for professional women, and you a powerful choice for professional women, and you haven't targeted a market, professional women, and you haven't targeted a market, you've created one, haven't targeted a market, you've created one, which seems good to me, speaking you've created one, which seems good to me, speaking as a as a woman professional Which seems good to me, speaking as a as a woman professional Or like a-a professional woman as a as a woman professional Or like a-a professional woman myself Or like a-a professional woman myself Speaking.
Myself Speaking.
Point taken.
Speaking.
Point taken.
But I still don't love it.
Point taken.
But I still don't love it.
Sorry.
But I still don't love it.
Sorry.
[Sighs.]
The show starts a little early, like, 8:15, so So I'll go home and change.
Early, like, 8:15, so So I'll go home and change.
But I'll meet you at your place.
So I'll go home and change.
But I'll meet you at your place.
Great.
But I'll meet you at your place.
Great.
Can't wait.
Great.
Can't wait.
Thanks for lunch.
Can't wait.
Thanks for lunch.
Bye, babe.
Thanks for lunch.
Bye, babe.
Bye.
Who was that? Oh, that? That was my Oh, that? That was my Girlfriend.
That was my Girlfriend.
Great! Girlfriend.
Great! Here's the deal.
Great! Here's the deal.
Your kind loves this.
Here's the deal.
Your kind loves this.
My kind? Your kind loves this.
My kind? Lesbians.
My kind? Lesbians.
But let's be clear.
Lesbians.
But let's be clear.
I'm into guys.
But let's be clear.
I'm into guys.
I like penis.
I'm into guys.
I like penis.
Got it.
I like penis.
Got it.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Got it.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Don't be insulted.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
Don't be insulted.
But just don't waste your time.
Don't be insulted.
But just don't waste your time.
On that? But just don't waste your time.
On that? Yes, on this.
On that? Yes, on this.
Are we clear? Yes, on this.
Are we clear? Totally.
Are we clear? Totally.
Maximum.
Totally.
Maximum.
I never seen days maximum.
I never seen days like this I never seen days like this no, never seen days like this no, never seen days like this when you need the extra energy to take it to the next level, there's only one Tequila energy to take it to the next level, there's only one Tequila that's gonna get you there Level, there's only one Tequila that's gonna get you there Madura.
That's gonna get you there Madura.
Whatever you're doing, do it madura.
Whatever you're doing, do it drunk.
Whatever you're doing, do it drunk.
It's in your face.
Drunk.
It's in your face.
It's totally in your face it's in your face.
It's totally in your face and funny.
It's totally in your face and funny.
Let's 'em in on the joke.
And funny.
Let's 'em in on the joke.
Eh, give me an option.
Let's 'em in on the joke.
Eh, give me an option.
Box Tequila.
Eh, give me an option.
Box Tequila.
Blech.
Box Tequila.
Blech.
Okay, moving on.
Blech.
Okay, moving on.
Zebras.
Okay, moving on.
Zebras.
"Zebras"? Zebras.
"Zebras"? Yeah, they're like the "zebras"? Yeah, they're like the budweiser frogs, only zebras.
Yeah, they're like the budweiser frogs, only zebras.
They're animals Budweiser frogs, only zebras.
They're animals But they're party animals.
They're animals But they're party animals.
Well But they're party animals.
Well The creative brief said well The creative brief said "daring," and you've dared.
The creative brief said "daring," and you've dared.
Thank you.
"Daring," and you've dared.
Thank you.
Look, I just feel like we thank you.
Look, I just feel like we haven't found the big, simple, look, I just feel like we haven't found the big, simple, gettable concept.
Haven't found the big, simple, gettable concept.
What about women? Gettable concept.
What about women? What about them? What about women? What about them? Strong, professional women, what about them? Strong, professional women, out for a good time.
Strong, professional women, out for a good time.
They're they're in control of out for a good time.
They're they're in control of their careers.
They're they're in control of their careers.
They're in control of their their careers.
They're in control of their sexuality.
They're in control of their sexuality.
Keeping it real Sexuality.
Keeping it real Madura.
Keeping it real Madura.
When every night is ladies' madura.
When every night is ladies' night When every night is ladies' night Make it madura.
Night Make it madura.
Oh.
Make it madura.
Oh.
See, this is why he's good.
Big night last night.
[Chuckles.]
Humongous.
Top ten ever.
[Chuckles.]
Humongous.
Top ten ever.
Yeah, it sounded like it.
Top ten ever.
Yeah, it sounded like it.
So when do you get to hit it? Yeah, it sounded like it.
So when do you get to hit it? Uh, six weeks, maybe two so when do you get to hit it? Uh, six weeks, maybe two months.
Uh, six weeks, maybe two months.
Ah, man.
Months.
Ah, man.
Yeah, whenever she's all ah, man.
Yeah, whenever she's all healed up.
Yeah, whenever she's all healed up.
So you guys haven't done it healed up.
So you guys haven't done it since the night you broke up? So you guys haven't done it since the night you broke up? Nope.
Since the night you broke up? Nope.
Which was the night you got nope.
Which was the night you got her pregnant.
Which was the night you got her pregnant.
Yeah, it's funny because it's her pregnant.
Yeah, it's funny because it's true.
Yeah, it's funny because it's true.
It's actually not that funny.
True.
It's actually not that funny.
[Laughing.]
It's actually not that funny.
[Laughing.]
Listen [Laughing.]
Listen About this morning, I didn't listen About this morning, I didn't mean to mess up your scene, but about this morning, I didn't mean to mess up your scene, but we do have a baby now.
Mean to mess up your scene, but we do have a baby now.
I know.
We do have a baby now.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I get it.
I know.
I get it.
You do? I get it.
You do? Yeah, I totally get it.
You do? Yeah, I totally get it.
Raviva, baby Yeah, I totally get it.
Raviva, baby I'll keep it down.
Raviva, baby I'll keep it down.
Yeah.
I'll keep it down.
Yeah.
Thanks, bro.
Yeah.
Thanks, bro.
I got ya, man.
Is it too, uh, spicy for you? No, not at all.
Is this too spicy for you? No, not at all.
Is this too spicy for you? No, it's perfect.
Is this too spicy for you? No, it's perfect.
[Coughs.]
No, it's perfect.
[Coughs.]
Mmm.
[Coughs.]
Mmm.
And she was like, "you're a mmm.
And she was like, "you're a lesbian.
And she was like, "you're a lesbian.
I'm straight.
" Lesbian.
I'm straight.
" And like, "can't touch this.
" I'm straight.
" And like, "can't touch this.
" What? And like, "can't touch this.
" What? You should totally sue her, what? You should totally sue her, soph.
You should totally sue her, soph.
That's not the point.
Soph.
That's not the point.
No, I know that's not the that's not the point.
No, I know that's not the point, but you could still no, I know that's not the point, but you could still totally sue her.
Point, but you could still totally sue her.
For what? Totally sue her.
For what? For harassing you about your for what? For harassing you about your sexuality.
For harassing you about your sexuality.
That's the point.
Sexuality.
That's the point.
Veev That's the point.
Veev Mm? Veev Mm? I don't know what my mm? I don't know what my sexuality is.
I don't know what my sexuality is.
I mean, I've had seven dates sexuality is.
I mean, I've had seven dates with one girl, right? I mean, I've had seven dates with one girl, right? Still haven't had sex with a with one girl, right? Still haven't had sex with a guy, ever.
Still haven't had sex with a guy, ever.
I don't know.
Guy, ever.
I don't know.
I mean I like Laura, but this i don't know.
I mean I like Laura, but this label it feels so big.
I mean I like Laura, but this label it feels so big.
Will I never know a penis? Label it feels so big.
Will I never know a penis? [Laughs.]
Will I never know a penis? [Laughs.]
So just just have sex with a [laughs.]
So just just have sex with a guy.
So just just have sex with a guy.
I mean, it's not like you and guy.
I mean, it's not like you and this Laura chick are hanging out i mean, it's not like you and this Laura chick are hanging out or together, right? This Laura chick are hanging out or together, right? No.
Or together, right? No.
We're totally not that serious.
No.
We're totally not that serious.
All right.
We're totally not that serious.
All right.
So just have sex with a guy.
All right.
So just have sex with a guy.
I remember it being very so just have sex with a guy.
I remember it being very pleasant.
I remember it being very pleasant.
[Knocking on glass.]
Pleasant.
[Knocking on glass.]
Swanson, little help.
[Knocking on glass.]
Swanson, little help.
[Sighs.]
Swanson, little help.
[Sighs.]
[Giggles.]
[Sighs.]
[Giggles.]
Coming.
[Giggles.]
Coming.
My life Coming.
My life Yep.
My life Yep.
Sucks.
Yep.
Sucks.
Beautiful.
Sucks.
Beautiful.
Bye.
Beautiful.
Bye.
[Pounding on glass.]
Bye.
[Pounding on glass.]
Swanson, come on! [Pounding on glass.]
Swanson, come on! Yeah.
Swanson, come on! Yeah.
Ten minutes.
Yeah.
Ten minutes.
Coming, I'm coming.
Ten minutes.
Coming, I'm coming.
Hey, guys.
Coming, I'm coming.
Hey, guys.
I'm Miles.
Hey, guys.
I'm Miles.
[Cell phone rings.]
I'm Miles.
[Cell phone rings.]
talk to me.
[Cell phone rings.]
Talk to me.
Where are you? Talk to me.
Where are you? What are you doing? Where are you? What are you doing? Tell me you have a minute to what are you doing? Tell me you have a minute to talk.
Tell me you have a minute to talk.
I-I don't.
Talk.
I-I don't.
I just walked in to audition for I-I don't.
I just walked in to audition for a national mayonnaise i just walked in to audition for a national mayonnaise commercial.
A national mayonnaise commercial.
I'm having a work situation.
Commercial.
I'm having a work situation.
Yeah, me too.
I'm having a work situation.
Yeah, me too.
It involves mayonnaise.
Yeah, me too.
It involves mayonnaise.
I'm sorry, guys it's my wife.
It involves mayonnaise.
I'm sorry, guys it's my wife.
Miles.
I'm sorry, guys it's my wife.
Miles.
Just one second.
Miles.
Just one second.
Go.
Just one second.
Go.
This morning, I went in and go.
This morning, I went in and pitched my idea for the madura this morning, I went in and pitched my idea for the madura campaign to my boss.
Pitched my idea for the madura campaign to my boss.
And? Campaign to my boss.
And? And ixnay vito town.
And? And ixnay vito town.
Ooh, that's got to hurt.
And ixnay vito town.
Ooh, that's got to hurt.
Wait for it.
Ooh, that's got to hurt.
Wait for it.
Then we went into a meeting with wait for it.
Then we went into a meeting with his boss, and he all of his then we went into a meeting with his boss, and he all of his ideas bit big giant wieners, and his boss, and he all of his ideas bit big giant wieners, and so he pitched my idea, like it ideas bit big giant wieners, and so he pitched my idea, like it was his the one he hated.
So he pitched my idea, like it was his the one he hated.
And? Was his the one he hated.
And? And she loved it.
And? And she loved it.
And then he just stood there and she loved it.
And then he just stood there sucking all my credit up his and then he just stood there sucking all my credit up his butt like a big giant credit sucking all my credit up his butt like a big giant credit vacuum.
Butt like a big giant credit vacuum.
That's not right.
Vacuum.
That's not right.
You can't take this laying down.
That's not right.
You can't take this laying down.
So I should go confront him, you can't take this laying down.
So I should go confront him, right? So I should go confront him, right? No, no.
Right? No, no.
Get off your ass, go above no, no.
Get off your ass, go above him, and nail his tiny, little get off your ass, go above him, and nail his tiny, little Joe to the wall.
Him, and nail his tiny, little Joe to the wall.
Good idea.
I'll do that.
Joe to the wall.
Good idea.
I'll do that.
Bye.
Good idea.
I'll do that.
Bye.
This mayonnaise is bye.
This mayonnaise is a-mayonnaise-ing.
This mayonnaise is a-mayonnaise-ing.
Hey.
What's up? A-mayonnaise-ing.
Hey.
What's up? I just want you to know hey.
What's up? I just want you to know i talked to Miles.
I just want you to know i talked to Miles.
Everything's cool.
I talked to Miles.
Everything's cool.
About what? Everything's cool.
About what? This morning.
About what? This morning.
I don't think we're gonna be this morning.
I don't think we're gonna be having anymore orgies next door i don't think we're gonna be having anymore orgies next door for a while.
Having anymore orgies next door for a while.
Or if we do, they're gonna be for a while.
Or if we do, they're gonna be very quiet orgies.
Or if we do, they're gonna be very quiet orgies.
Lou, I'm fine with it.
Very quiet orgies.
Lou, I'm fine with it.
I know you are, but I'm not.
Lou, I'm fine with it.
I know you are, but I'm not.
Why not? I know you are, but I'm not.
Why not? Because, veev, it's not why not? Because, veev, it's not right.
Because, veev, it's not right.
Louis, when you roomed with right.
Louis, when you roomed with Miles in school, he used to do Louis, when you roomed with Miles in school, he used to do it on the top bunk while we did Miles in school, he used to do it on the top bunk while we did it on the bottom.
It on the top bunk while we did it on the bottom.
Yeah, I know.
It on the bottom.
Yeah, I know.
But that was a time of yeah, I know.
But that was a time of youthful enthusiasm, limited but that was a time of youthful enthusiasm, limited space, and there were no babies youthful enthusiasm, limited space, and there were no babies around.
Space, and there were no babies around.
Rosemary doesn't know what's around.
Rosemary doesn't know what's going on.
Rosemary doesn't know what's going on.
She likes rhythm and repetitive going on.
She likes rhythm and repetitive sounds.
She likes rhythm and repetitive sounds.
It will probably put her to sounds.
It will probably put her to sleep.
It will probably put her to sleep.
Veev, I just called to say sleep.
Veev, I just called to say that I stepped up like a dad and veev, I just called to say that I stepped up like a dad and handled it.
That I stepped up like a dad and handled it.
The proper response is, handled it.
The proper response is, "thank you, dear.
The proper response is, "thank you, dear.
Here are your slippers, your "thank you, dear.
Here are your slippers, your pipe, and your b.
J.
" Here are your slippers, your pipe, and your b.
J.
" Did you know when I showed up pipe, and your b.
J.
" Did you know when I showed up pregnant that you'd turn into did you know when I showed up pregnant that you'd turn into don draper? Pregnant that you'd turn into don draper? No, but I'm kind of enjoying don draper? No, but I'm kind of enjoying it.
No, but I'm kind of enjoying it.
That makes one of us.
It.
That makes one of us.
Good-bye, dear.
That makes one of us.
Good-bye, dear.
Bye.
Good-bye, dear.
Bye.
[Train rumbling.]
Bye.
[Train rumbling.]
[Knock at door.]
[Train rumbling.]
[Knock at door.]
Deb? [Knock at door.]
Deb? Yeah? Deb? Yeah? Um, this is weird.
Yeah? Um, this is weird.
Your standing half in and um, this is weird.
Your standing half in and half out of my office is weird.
Your standing half in and half out of my office is weird.
Get in here.
Half out of my office is weird.
Get in here.
Right.
[Exhales deeply.]
Whenever you're ready.
Right.
Well Whenever you're ready.
Right.
Well The idea that Todd pitched to right.
Well The idea that Todd pitched to you earlier today, the one you the idea that Todd pitched to you earlier today, the one you liked, marketing madura to you earlier today, the one you liked, marketing madura to women Liked, marketing madura to women Mm-hmm.
Women Mm-hmm.
That was my idea.
Mm-hmm.
That was my idea.
[Chuckles.]
That was my idea.
[Chuckles.]
No, it wasn't.
[Chuckles.]
No, it wasn't.
Y-yeah, it was.
No, it wasn't.
Y-yeah, it was.
It was my idea.
Y-yeah, it was.
It was my idea.
No, it was my idea.
It was my idea.
No, it was my idea.
Just like every idea that no, it was my idea.
Just like every idea that anybody gets in this office is just like every idea that anybody gets in this office is my idea.
Anybody gets in this office is my idea.
Do you want to set a meeting, my idea.
Do you want to set a meeting, order Sushi, change your tampon? Do you want to set a meeting, order Sushi, change your tampon? They're all my ideas.
Order Sushi, change your tampon? They're all my ideas.
Okay? They're all my ideas.
Okay? The only one that's not my idea okay? The only one that's not my idea is the stupid one that you had the only one that's not my idea is the stupid one that you had to walk into my office and act is the stupid one that you had to walk into my office and act like a preschooler asking for a to walk into my office and act like a preschooler asking for a gold star.
Like a preschooler asking for a gold star.
Oh, my God, are you crying? Gold star.
Oh, my God, are you crying? No.
Oh, my God, are you crying? No.
Get out No.
Get out Now! There you are.
Go away from me.
I was worried about you.
Go away from me.
I was worried about you.
I said go.
I was worried about you.
I said go.
Deb told me what happened.
I said go.
Deb told me what happened.
You know, except for when it Deb told me what happened.
You know, except for when it comes to other people's good you know, except for when it comes to other people's good ideas, you're not a very good comes to other people's good ideas, you're not a very good listener.
Ideas, you're not a very good listener.
Daphne.
Listener.
Daphne.
You said you didn't like the Daphne.
You said you didn't like the idea.
You said you didn't like the idea.
I didn't.
Idea.
I didn't.
I-I don't.
I didn't.
I-I don't.
But, glover, my job is to give i-I don't.
But, glover, my job is to give Deb what she wants, and her job but, glover, my job is to give Deb what she wants, and her job is to give the client what he Deb what she wants, and her job is to give the client what he wants.
Is to give the client what he wants.
That's the job.
Wants.
That's the job.
Do you know how many ideas I've that's the job.
Do you know how many ideas I've had that I've never gotten do you know how many ideas I've had that I've never gotten credit for? Had that I've never gotten credit for? I hope a lot.
Credit for? I hope a lot.
More than a lot.
I hope a lot.
More than a lot.
[Cell phone rings.]
More than a lot.
[Cell phone rings.]
[Beeps.]
[Cell phone rings.]
[Beeps.]
hello? [Beeps.]
Hello? Hey, what's up? Hello? Hey, what's up? Yeah, she's with me.
Hey, what's up? Yeah, she's with me.
We'll be right there.
Yeah, she's with me.
We'll be right there.
[Sighs.]
What? We'll be right there.
[Sighs.]
What? Is there a rule against crying [sighs.]
What? Is there a rule against crying in the stairwell? Is there a rule against crying in the stairwell? No.
In the stairwell? No.
The madura guy's coming in.
No.
The madura guy's coming in.
We're gonna pitch him.
The madura guy's coming in.
We're gonna pitch him.
You said you wanted to be a we're gonna pitch him.
You said you wanted to be a professional.
You said you wanted to be a professional.
You ready to be one? Professional.
You ready to be one? Yeah.
You ready to be one? Yeah.
I know it's kind of odd.
Yeah.
I know it's kind of odd.
It's not odd.
I know it's kind of odd.
It's not odd.
It's awesome.
It's not odd.
It's awesome.
No, it's kind of odd asking it's awesome.
No, it's kind of odd asking your friend to have sex with no, it's kind of odd asking your friend to have sex with you.
Your friend to have sex with you.
You know what? You.
You know what? I should go.
You know what? I should go.
No, no, no.
I should go.
No, no, no.
No, Sophia.
No, no, no.
No, Sophia.
You might not know this, but no, Sophia.
You might not know this, but you've come to the right place.
You might not know this, but you've come to the right place.
This is my specialty.
You've come to the right place.
This is my specialty.
Really? This is my specialty.
Really? Yes.
Really? Yes.
Remember susie beers? Yes.
Remember susie beers? Susie beers Remember susie beers? Susie beers Yeah, from college Susie beers Yeah, from college Played field hockey, yeah, from college Played field hockey, huge calves.
Played field hockey, huge calves.
Oh, yeah, raviva's friend.
Huge calves.
Oh, yeah, raviva's friend.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, raviva's friend.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I straightened her out big-time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I straightened her out big-time.
You did? I straightened her out big-time.
You did? Yes.
You did? Yes.
One diplomatic visit from the yes.
One diplomatic visit from the Duke changed her life.
One diplomatic visit from the Duke changed her life.
She never looked back.
Duke changed her life.
She never looked back.
Her friends called me the she never looked back.
Her friends called me the lesbian whisperer.
Her friends called me the lesbian whisperer.
Oh, yeah.
Lesbian whisperer.
Oh, yeah.
It's my thing.
Oh, yeah.
It's my thing.
Okay.
It's my thing.
Okay.
I'm in.
Okay.
I'm in.
Okay.
I'm in.
Okay.
You want to do it later tonight? Okay.
You want to do it later tonight? No, I've got a dinner.
You want to do it later tonight? No, I've got a dinner.
Okay.
No, I've got a dinner.
Okay.
Let's see.
Okay.
Let's see.
Um, I'm doing this catering gig let's see.
Um, I'm doing this catering gig tomorrow.
Um, I'm doing this catering gig tomorrow.
Mm-hmm.
Tomorrow.
Mm-hmm.
And then, uh Mm-hmm.
And then, uh Oh, well, how about the next and then, uh Oh, well, how about the next day, because I finish work at oh, well, how about the next day, because I finish work at 2:00? Day, because I finish work at 2:00? I can't, I can't.
2:00? I can't, I can't.
I'm doing this mayonnaise I can't, I can't.
I'm doing this mayonnaise commercial.
I'm doing this mayonnaise commercial.
Nice.
Commercial.
Nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
Yeah.
I have no lines, but I think yeah.
I have no lines, but I think there might be potential.
I have no lines, but I think there might be potential.
My call time's at 4:00.
There might be potential.
My call time's at 4:00.
Oh, I mean, it won't take my call time's at 4:00.
Oh, I mean, it won't take that long, will it? Oh, I mean, it won't take that long, will it? What, the commercial? That long, will it? What, the commercial? No, the intercourse.
What, the commercial? No, the intercourse.
Soph No, the intercourse.
Soph The last thing you want to do is soph The last thing you want to do is rush it, okay? The last thing you want to do is rush it, okay? You don't want to have to come rush it, okay? You don't want to have to come back and do it all over again.
You don't want to have to come back and do it all over again.
It's like a car wash.
Back and do it all over again.
It's like a car wash.
Get the deluxe.
It's like a car wash.
Get the deluxe.
Okay.
Get the deluxe.
Okay.
Why don't we just do it now? Okay.
Why don't we just do it now? Babe, I-I-I'd love to, but why don't we just do it now? Babe, I-I-I'd love to, but veeva's on her way back home, babe, I-I-I'd love to, but veeva's on her way back home, and she's been bitching to Lou veeva's on her way back home, and she's been bitching to Lou about the noise and And she's been bitching to Lou about the noise and I won't be loud.
About the noise and I won't be loud.
Oh, yeah, you will.
I won't be loud.
Oh, yeah, you will.
Trust me.
Oh, yeah, you will.
Trust me.
Powerful women Trust me.
Powerful women They're talented, they're powerful women They're talented, they're driven, and they're drunk.
They're talented, they're driven, and they're drunk.
[Chuckles.]
Driven, and they're drunk.
[Chuckles.]
You guys are funny.
[Chuckles.]
You guys are funny.
These women are in charge of you guys are funny.
These women are in charge of their careers.
These women are in charge of their careers.
They're in charge of their their careers.
They're in charge of their bodies.
They're in charge of their bodies.
They're pros.
Bodies.
They're pros.
Hookers? They're pros.
Hookers? No, not hookers.
Hookers? No, not hookers.
They're No, not hookers.
They're Qualified individuals who they're Qualified individuals who know how to get the job done.
Qualified individuals who know how to get the job done.
Okay.
Know how to get the job done.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
What do you think? Yeah.
What do you think? Me? What do you think? Me? Yeah.
Me? Yeah.
You know, if I went with this, yeah.
You know, if I went with this, you'd be the kind of girl I'm you know, if I went with this, you'd be the kind of girl I'm after.
You'd be the kind of girl I'm after.
So what do you think? After.
So what do you think? I like it.
So what do you think? I like it.
It speaks to my ambition and my I like it.
It speaks to my ambition and my independence.
It speaks to my ambition and my independence.
It's aspirational.
Independence.
It's aspirational.
It's it's not so much about it's aspirational.
It's it's not so much about being sexy as it is about the it's it's not so much about being sexy as it is about the freedom to be sexy if you want being sexy as it is about the freedom to be sexy if you want to be.
Freedom to be sexy if you want to be.
Plus, straight Tequila To be.
Plus, straight Tequila No hangover.
She's right No hangover.
So you're in? No hangover.
So you're in? Well, is she on the campaign? So you're in? Well, is she on the campaign? She can be.
Well, is she on the campaign? She can be.
Or she is.
She can be.
Or she is.
Um, she already was.
Or she is.
Um, she already was.
Then I'm already in.
Um, she already was.
Then I'm already in.
Sold.
Hi, Laura.
It's me.
I'm sorry to leave a message, it's me.
I'm sorry to leave a message, but I'm not going to be able to I'm sorry to leave a message, but I'm not going to be able to make it tonight 'cause but I'm not going to be able to make it tonight 'cause something's come up.
Make it tonight 'cause something's come up.
Uh, I'll call you.
Something's come up.
Uh, I'll call you.
Bye.
Uh, I'll call you.
Bye.
[Cell phone closes.]
Bye.
[Cell phone closes.]
no big deal [Cell phone closes.]
No big deal Just gonna have sex with a dude.
Hi.
Hey.
Nice job today.
Hey.
Nice job today.
Thanks.
Nice job today.
Thanks.
You want to grab a drink? Thanks.
You want to grab a drink? Did you not read my memo? You want to grab a drink? Did you not read my memo? I did, but professionals did you not read my memo? I did, but professionals after a job well done in the I did, but professionals after a job well done in the trenches can celebrate, can't after a job well done in the trenches can celebrate, can't they? Trenches can celebrate, can't they? It's a bad idea.
They? It's a bad idea.
Maybe, but in an office where it's a bad idea.
Maybe, but in an office where every idea is Deb's, it's hers, maybe, but in an office where every idea is Deb's, it's hers, right? Every idea is Deb's, it's hers, right? Okay.
Right? Okay.
I'm gonna wait Okay.
I'm gonna wait till it's later than late I'm gonna wait till it's later than late till every star burns out till it's later than late till every star burns out and every heart breaks till every star burns out and every heart breaks darling and every heart breaks darling I'm gonna try darling I'm gonna try the key can't I'm gonna try the key can't [Guitar strings clash.]
The key can't [Guitar strings clash.]
come on.
[Guitar strings clash.]
Come on.
[Video game combat on tv.]
Come on.
[Video game combat on tv.]
okay.
[Video game combat on tv.]
Okay.
Don't go anywhere, okay? Okay.
Don't go anywhere, okay? Okay? Don't go anywhere, okay? Okay? What's my name, huh? Okay? What's my name, huh? What's my name? What's my name, huh? What's my name? Bam head shot! What's my name? Bam head shot! Hey.
Bam head shot! Hey.
I got him! Hey.
I got him! I got him, I got him! I got him! I got him, I got him! Miles? I got him, I got him! Miles? Come on, come on.
Miles? Come on, come on.
I got him, I got him.
Come on, come on.
I got him, I got him.
Miles! I got him, I got him.
Miles! There! Ugh! Miles! There! Ugh! What? There! Ugh! What? Can you turn it down a bit? What? Can you turn it down a bit? I'm trying to write a song in can you turn it down a bit? I'm trying to write a song in there.
I'm trying to write a song in there.
And I'm about to get frickin' there.
And I'm about to get frickin' killed right here.
And I'm about to get frickin' killed right here.
Okay, guys, I'm going in for the killed right here.
Okay, guys, I'm going in for the flag cover me.
Okay, guys, I'm going in for the flag cover me.
He's leaving in five minutes.
Flag cover me.
He's leaving in five minutes.
Guys, I said I'm going in.
He's leaving in five minutes.
Guys, I said I'm going in.
Cover me.
Guys, I said I'm going in.
Cover me.
Miles? Miles? Cover me.
Miles? Miles? I'm not asking you to stop Miles? Miles? I'm not asking you to stop playing.
I'm not asking you to stop playing.
I just want you to turn it down, playing.
I just want you to turn it down, like, a tiny, little bit.
I just want you to turn it down, like, a tiny, little bit.
Guys, I said Like, a tiny, little bit.
Guys, I said Lou, can you please tell her? Guys, I said Lou, can you please tell her? I'm not asking him to stop Lou, can you please tell her? I'm not asking him to stop killing.
I'm not asking him to stop killing.
I just want him to turn it down.
Killing.
I just want him to turn it down.
Are you freakin' serious i just want him to turn it down.
Are you freakin' serious right now? Are you freakin' serious right now? First I can't have sex in my own right now? First I can't have sex in my own room that I pay for, and now first I can't have sex in my own room that I pay for, and now i can't play video games.
Room that I pay for, and now i can't play video games.
What? I can't play video games.
What? I never said you couldn't have what? I never said you couldn't have sex.
I never said you couldn't have sex.
No.
Sex.
No.
You had him say that for you.
No.
You had him say that for you.
No, I didn't.
You had him say that for you.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, right.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, right.
Miles, that was your friend yeah, right.
Miles, that was your friend over here who didn't want you Miles, that was your friend over here who didn't want you screwing where his daughter over here who didn't want you screwing where his daughter could hear it.
Screwing where his daughter could hear it.
Is that true? Could hear it.
Is that true? She's a little girl.
Is that true? She's a little girl.
We're trying to be a family she's a little girl.
We're trying to be a family here.
We're trying to be a family here.
[Explosion on tv.]
Here.
[Explosion on tv.]
your family just killed me.
[Explosion on tv.]
Your family just killed me.
You happy now? Your family just killed me.
You happy now? Miles.
You happy now? Miles.
Huh? Miles.
Huh? Good job, good job.
Huh? Good job, good job.
Here, you play.
Good job, good job.
Here, you play.
[Door slams.]
Here, you play.
[Door slams.]
[Daphne sighs.]
[Door slams.]
[Daphne sighs.]
to your first account.
[Daphne sighs.]
To your first account.
To my first account.
So you really think this is gonna be okay? What, us working together? Gonna be okay? What, us working together? Mm-hmm, and not What, us working together? Mm-hmm, and not Mm.
Mm-hmm, and not Mm.
Definitely.
Mm.
Definitely.
Okay.
Definitely.
Okay.
I'm not saying it's gonna be okay.
I'm not saying it's gonna be fun.
I'm not saying it's gonna be fun.
Oh, uh, come on.
Fun.
Oh, uh, come on.
You don't have to act all oh, uh, come on.
You don't have to act all heartbroken.
You don't have to act all heartbroken.
Daphne, why do you think heartbroken.
Daphne, why do you think i broke up with my girlfriend? Daphne, why do you think i broke up with my girlfriend? Mm, cankles? I broke up with my girlfriend? Mm, cankles? No.
Mm, cankles? No.
Clammy hands? No.
Clammy hands? No.
Clammy hands? No.
Webbed toes? No.
Webbed toes? One for three.
Webbed toes? One for three.
Well, you know, maybe you one for three.
Well, you know, maybe you should get her back.
Well, you know, maybe you should get her back.
Well, I don't want her back.
Should get her back.
Well, I don't want her back.
I'd rather wait, see what well, I don't want her back.
I'd rather wait, see what happens.
I'd rather wait, see what happens.
No, no.
Happens.
No, no.
We just said no more.
No, no.
We just said no more.
I know.
We just said no more.
I know.
I know, but I know.
I know, but I'm still willing to wait.
I like you.
I like you too Professionally.
I like you too Professionally.
Professionally.
Well, hey, guys.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Having a private celebration? Hi.
Having a private celebration? That's sweet.
Having a private celebration? That's sweet.
Well deserved.
That's sweet.
Well deserved.
See you tomorrow, kids.
Well deserved.
See you tomorrow, kids.
Nice work.
You ready? Mm-hmm.
Can can we wait a sec? Mm-hmm.
Can can we wait a sec? Yeah.
Can can we wait a sec? Yeah.
Look, we can wait all you want.
Yeah.
Look, we can wait all you want.
Okay.
Look, we can wait all you want.
Okay.
It just it might take a okay.
It just it might take a little bit to get, you know, it just it might take a little bit to get, you know, back Little bit to get, you know, back That's okay.
Back That's okay.
I'm That's okay.
I'm Not in a hurry.
I'm Not in a hurry.
Okay.
Not in a hurry.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, um, can I ask you a question? Sure.
Question? Sure.
Does it hurt, you know, like, sure.
Does it hurt, you know, like, the first time? Does it hurt, you know, like, the first time? Um, no.
The first time? Um, no.
Really? Um, no.
Really? Never? Really? Never? Like, none of these lesbians never? Like, none of these lesbians ever went, "ouch.
" Like, none of these lesbians ever went, "ouch.
" Sometimes Ever went, "ouch.
" Sometimes A little bit.
Sometimes A little bit.
I-it A little bit.
I-it [Sighs.]
I-it [Sighs.]
It got better pretty quick.
[Sighs.]
It got better pretty quick.
I promise.
It got better pretty quick.
I promise.
Okay.
I promise.
Okay.
Can I meet the Duke? Okay.
Can I meet the Duke? Yeah.
Can I meet the Duke? Yeah.
Gentle.
Yeah.
Gentle.
Whoa, he's Gentle.
Whoa, he's Big? Whoa, he's Big? No, funny.
Big? No, funny.
"Funny"? No, funny.
"Funny"? Li like a-a bike tire.
"Funny"? Li like a-a bike tire.
Like a big bike tire? Li like a-a bike tire.
Like a big bike tire? Yeah.
Like a big bike tire? Yeah.
Big, big bike tire.
Yeah.
Big, big bike tire.
Okay.
Big, big bike tire.
Okay.
Are you ready? Okay.
Are you ready? 'Cause I'm I'm pretty heated.
Are you ready? 'Cause I'm I'm pretty heated.
N-no, not really.
'Cause I'm I'm pretty heated.
N-no, not really.
Not yet.
N-no, not really.
Not yet.
Okay, okay.
Not yet.
Okay, okay.
[Breathes deeply.]
Okay, okay.
[Breathes deeply.]
you're so hairy.
[Breathes deeply.]
You're so hairy.
I think I'm regular hairy.
You're so hairy.
I think I'm regular hairy.
But compared to a girl, I think I'm regular hairy.
But compared to a girl, you're you're so hairy, and but compared to a girl, you're you're so hairy, and the hair, it's it's different.
You're you're so hairy, and the hair, it's it's different.
You know, it's thicker and it's the hair, it's it's different.
You know, it's thicker and it's harder.
You know, it's thicker and it's harder.
It doesn't doesn't lay down the harder.
It doesn't doesn't lay down the same when you touch it, and It doesn't doesn't lay down the same when you touch it, and Okay.
Same when you touch it, and Okay.
I guess it's different.
Okay.
I guess it's different.
Yeah.
I guess it's different.
Yeah.
[Exhales sharply.]
Yeah.
[Exhales sharply.]
what's wrong? [Exhales sharply.]
What's wrong? Nothing.
What's wrong? Nothing.
What's wrong? Nothing.
What's wrong? You can tell me.
What's wrong? You can tell me.
Laura invited me to this you can tell me.
Laura invited me to this really cool thing tonight.
Laura invited me to this really cool thing tonight.
Uh-huh.
Really cool thing tonight.
Uh-huh.
And I canceled on her.
Uh-huh.
And I canceled on her.
I feel like a jerk.
And I canceled on her.
I feel like a jerk.
You really like her, don't i feel like a jerk.
You really like her, don't you? You really like her, don't you? Yeah.
You? Yeah.
Yeah, I-I guess I do.
Yeah.
Yeah, I-I guess I do.
And I really like you, too, yeah, I-I guess I do.
And I really like you, too, Miles, as a friend.
And I really like you, too, Miles, as a friend.
It's super sweet that you Miles, as a friend.
It's super sweet that you offered to do this, but It's super sweet that you offered to do this, but But you don't want to.
Offered to do this, but But you don't want to.
I don't think I do.
But you don't want to.
I don't think I do.
Is that okay? I don't think I do.
Is that okay? Sophia, yes.
Is that okay? Sophia, yes.
It's perfect.
Sophia, yes.
It's perfect.
Okay.
Is it cool if I spend the night? Yeah.
Night? Yeah.
How come? Yeah.
How come? I just How come? I just I would rather stay here I just I would rather stay here tonight, okay? I would rather stay here tonight, okay? Yeah.
Tonight, okay? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Stay the night.
Yeah, sure.
Stay the night.
[Both laugh.]
Stay the night.
[Both laugh.]
[Sighs.]
[Both laugh.]
[Sighs.]
Come here.
[Sighs.]
Come here.
Thank you.
Then you pour just a little bit of the water over the coffee and just let it sit there a bit of the water over the coffee and just let it sit there a second.
And just let it sit there a second.
This is the most important part, second.
This is the most important part, because it lets all the oils in this is the most important part, because it lets all the oils in the coffee kind of bloom.
Because it lets all the oils in the coffee kind of bloom.
[Door closes.]
The coffee kind of bloom.
[Door closes.]
i usually take this time to [door closes.]
I usually take this time to consider the fair-trade supply i usually take this time to consider the fair-trade supply chain that brought this coffee consider the fair-trade supply chain that brought this coffee here.
Chain that brought this coffee here.
Not so much a prayer, you know, here.
Not so much a prayer, you know, I'm just paying attention.
Not so much a prayer, you know, I'm just paying attention.
Hey, rough night? I'm just paying attention.
Hey, rough night? Yeah.
Hey, rough night? Yeah.
Did you get laid? Yeah.
Did you get laid? Nope.
Did you get laid? Nope.
Ooh.
Nope.
Ooh.
It's a really rough night.
Ooh.
It's a really rough night.
Coffee? It's a really rough night.
Coffee? Please.
Hey, man, um, I'm I'm sorry for freaking out last night.
Hey, it's not your fault.
For freaking out last night.
Hey, it's not your fault.
I just shouldn't have blown hey, it's not your fault.
I just shouldn't have blown up that way, you know? I just shouldn't have blown up that way, you know? It's okay.
It's over.
Up that way, you know? It's okay.
It's over.
Here you go.
It's okay.
It's over.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hey, dude, I did a lot of thanks.
Hey, dude, I did a lot of thinking last night, and, um Hey, dude, I did a lot of thinking last night, and, um I'm moving out.
Thinking last night, and, um I'm moving out.
No.
I'm moving out.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
It's good, though.
Yeah.
It's good, though.
No, don't do that.
It's good, though.
No, don't do that.
Lou.
No, don't do that.
Lou.
[Rosemary coos.]
Lou.
[Rosemary coos.]
Lou? [Rosemary coos.]
Lou? No, this is our place.
Lou? No, this is our place.
I want you here.
No, this is our place.
I want you here.
I know, but, dude, it's the i want you here.
I know, but, dude, it's the best thing for all of us.
I know, but, dude, it's the best thing for all of us.
Just trust me.
Best thing for all of us.
Just trust me.
Coffee.
What's up? No, you don't understand.
We were holding hands, and she saw us.
We were holding hands, and she saw us.
Well, who saw you? Saw us.
Well, who saw you? Deb, our boss! Well, who saw you? Deb, our boss! And now she wants to see me in Deb, our boss! And now she wants to see me in her office.
And now she wants to see me in her office.
What am I gonna say? Her office.
What am I gonna say? Uh, you should tell her he what am I gonna say? Uh, you should tell her he has cancer.
Uh, you should tell her he has cancer.
What? Has cancer.
What? Yeah, tell her he has cancer what? Yeah, tell her he has cancer and that you were comforting yeah, tell her he has cancer and that you were comforting him.
And that you were comforting him.
No, no, no, no.
Him.
No, no, no, no.
Okay, um No, no, no, no.
Okay, um Ah, hold her hand.
Okay, um Ah, hold her hand.
Me hold her hand? Ah, hold her hand.
Me hold her hand? Yeah.
Me hold her hand? Yeah.
Like it's something you do.
Yeah.
Like it's something you do.
It's a weird thing that you do.
Like it's something you do.
It's a weird thing that you do.
[Sighs.]
It's a weird thing that you do.
[Sighs.]
You've been no help at all.
[Sighs.]
You've been no help at all.
You're welcome.
You've been no help at all.
You're welcome.
Bye.
Looking good and corporate.
So are you okay with all this? Sure.
It is what it is, right? Sure.
It is what it is, right? Did you ask him to stay? It is what it is, right? Did you ask him to stay? Yeah, but he made up his did you ask him to stay? Yeah, but he made up his mind.
Yeah, but he made up his mind.
Well, it doesn't have to be mind.
Well, it doesn't have to be in some big rush, you know? Well, it doesn't have to be in some big rush, you know? You should tell him that.
In some big rush, you know? You should tell him that.
He knows.
You should tell him that.
He knows.
It's the right thing.
He knows.
It's the right thing.
It is? It's the right thing.
It is? Yeah.
It is? Yeah.
See you guys later.
Yeah.
See you guys later.
I got to go to work.
See you guys later.
I got to go to work.
You know I love Miles, right? I got to go to work.
You know I love Miles, right? I know.
You know I love Miles, right? I know.
He knows.
I know.
He knows.
It's all good.
He knows.
It's all good.
[Train rumbling.]
Todd has cancer.
[Scoffs.]
Don't tell him I told you, [scoffs.]
Don't tell him I told you, and, uh, don't tell anyone else.
Don't tell him I told you, and, uh, don't tell anyone else.
He doesn't want people treating and, uh, don't tell anyone else.
He doesn't want people treating him weird.
He doesn't want people treating him weird.
He's so brave.
Him weird.
He's so brave.
Sit down.
This is something that I do.
I wasn't touched as a child, so I wasn't touched as a child, so Sit down.
So Sit down.
I'm sorry.
Sit down.
I'm sorry.
I don't care what you and I'm sorry.
I don't care what you and Todd do outside this office.
I don't care what you and Todd do outside this office.
Okay.
Todd do outside this office.
Okay.
But you need to think long okay.
But you need to think long and hard about what you want.
But you need to think long and hard about what you want.
What do you mean? And hard about what you want.
What do you mean? I mean, do you want a career what do you mean? I mean, do you want a career that other women respect or not? I mean, do you want a career that other women respect or not? If you go any further down this that other women respect or not? If you go any further down this road with Todd, it may not break if you go any further down this road with Todd, it may not break any rules in h.
R.
, per se, but road with Todd, it may not break any rules in h.
R.
, per se, but everyone is gonna know what's any rules in h.
R.
, per se, but everyone is gonna know what's going on, okay? Everyone is gonna know what's going on, okay? And not one of the little going on, okay? And not one of the little bitches in this office are gonna and not one of the little bitches in this office are gonna take you seriously.
Bitches in this office are gonna take you seriously.
And you think that the men are take you seriously.
And you think that the men are the ones in charge, but they are and you think that the men are the ones in charge, but they are not the ones who will stop you, the ones in charge, but they are not the ones who will stop you, okay? Not the ones who will stop you, okay? They will let you slut your way okay? They will let you slut your way up to the top.
They will let you slut your way up to the top.
It's the women.
Up to the top.
It's the women.
They will stop you.
It's the women.
They will stop you.
I feel so stupid.
They will stop you.
I feel so stupid.
Good.
I feel so stupid.
Good.
Be grateful that you learned good.
Be grateful that you learned this now, while you have almost be grateful that you learned this now, while you have almost nothing to lose financially.
Thanks for We're done here.
Oh.
We're done here.
Oh.
Get out of my office.
Oh.
Get out of my office.
Okay, bye.
Get out of my office.
Okay, bye.
Don't ever touch me again.
Humanity's last hope in the fight against the covenant.
See, this button here controls fight against the covenant.
See, this button here controls your viewing angles.
See, this button here controls your viewing angles.
This one moves your character.
Your viewing angles.
This one moves your character.
Boom! Headshot, bitch! This one moves your character.
Boom! Headshot, bitch! You suck! Boom! Headshot, bitch! You suck! Seat sniffer! You suck! Seat sniffer! [Laughter.]
Seat sniffer! [Laughter.]
all: "Seat sniffer.
" [Laughter.]
All: "Seat sniffer.
" Powned! All: "Seat sniffer.
" Powned! Hey! Powned! Hey! Loser.
Hey! Loser.
Lady's man 420, take it easy.
Loser.
Lady's man 420, take it easy.
I've got a baby here.
Lady's man 420, take it easy.
I've got a baby here.
A baby? I've got a baby here.
A baby? What the hell, dude? A baby? What the hell, dude? I'm teaching my daughter how what the hell, dude? I'm teaching my daughter how to play.
I'm teaching my daughter how to play.
Sorry, dude.
To play.
Sorry, dude.
Sorry.
Sorry, dude.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Okay, now what you're gonna want thanks.
Okay, now what you're gonna want to do is shoot that guy right okay, now what you're gonna want to do is shoot that guy right over there.
To do is shoot that guy right over there.
Nice.
[Knock at door.]
Hey, girls.
Hey.
Hey, girls.
Hey.
Can we come in for a sec? Hey.
Can we come in for a sec? Of course.
Can we come in for a sec? Of course.
[Rosemary fusses.]
Of course.
[Rosemary fusses.]
shh.
[Rosemary fusses.]
Shh.
What you doing? Shh.
What you doing? Just trying to find a place.
What you doing? Just trying to find a place.
You know, you really don't just trying to find a place.
You know, you really don't have to leave You know, you really don't have to leave Honestly.
Have to leave Honestly.
Veev, if Lou and I are gonna honestly.
Veev, if Lou and I are gonna stay friends, if we all are, veev, if Lou and I are gonna stay friends, if we all are, this is what I have to do.
Stay friends, if we all are, this is what I have to do.
Yeah, but come on, he needs this is what I have to do.
Yeah, but come on, he needs you.
Yeah, but come on, he needs you.
We all do.
You.
We all do.
I know.
We all do.
I know.
And I won't go far.
I know.
And I won't go far.
I won't be far from any of you.
And I won't go far.
I won't be far from any of you.
[Laughs.]
I won't be far from any of you.
[Laughs.]
let me see that thing.
Shh, tch, tch, tch, tch.
Ooh.
Rosemary.
Ooh.
Rosemary.
Rosemary.
Rosemary.
Rosemary.
[Laughs.]
Rosemary.
[Laughs.]
You have a very good mommy.
[Laughs.]
You have a very good mommy.
She's looking out for you.
You have a very good mommy.
She's looking out for you.
[Chuckles.]
She's looking out for you.
[Chuckles.]
thanks, Miles.
I'm out of here.
Oh, good night.
By the way, you looked really oh, good night.
By the way, you looked really cute today with your hair up by the way, you looked really cute today with your hair up like that.
Cute today with your hair up like that.
Thanks.
Like that.
Thanks.
[Whispering.]
Maximum.
Thanks.
[Whispering.]
Maximum.
Oh.
[Whispering.]
Maximum.
Oh.
[Rock music.]
Oh.
[Rock music.]
196.
[Rock music.]
196.
What is it? 196.
What is it? Just play it.
What is it? Just play it.
I'll pay for it.
Just play it.
I'll pay for it.
You're such a moron.
I'll pay for it.
You're such a moron.
So I have a proposition.
You're such a moron.
So I have a proposition.
You have to at least buy me a so I have a proposition.
You have to at least buy me a drink first.
You have to at least buy me a drink first.
Let's get a place together.
Drink first.
Let's get a place together.
What? Let's get a place together.
What? You're moving out? What? You're moving out? Yeah.
You're moving out? Yeah.
What happened? Yeah.
What happened? Nothing.
What happened? Nothing.
It's it's just time, you know? Nothing.
It's it's just time, you know? And they need their space and It's it's just time, you know? And they need their space and You know.
And they need their space and You know.
So what do you think? You know.
So what do you think? You and me.
So what do you think? You and me.
I mean, are you serious? You and me.
I mean, are you serious? Because I would love to get out I mean, are you serious? Because I would love to get out from under my dad's old-man because I would love to get out from under my dad's old-man smell.
From under my dad's old-man smell.
Then let's do it, daph.
Smell.
Then let's do it, daph.
Come on.
Then let's do it, daph.
Come on.
Okay.
Come on.
Okay.
Where would you want to live? Okay.
Where would you want to live? Wherever you want Where would you want to live? Wherever you want Andersonville, bucktown, wherever you want Andersonville, bucktown, downtown.
Andersonville, bucktown, downtown.
There would have to be some downtown.
There would have to be some ground rules.
There would have to be some ground rules.
"Ground rules"? Ground rules.
"Ground rules"? Yeah.
"Ground rules"? Yeah.
[Scoffs.]
Yeah.
[Scoffs.]
Are you kidding me? [Scoffs.]
Are you kidding me? I-I'm coming from a place where are you kidding me? I-I'm coming from a place where i can't have sex, I can't play i-I'm coming from a place where i can't have sex, I can't play video games, and now you're i can't have sex, I can't play video games, and now you're talking about ground rules? Video games, and now you're talking about ground rules? Oh, no, no, no.
Talking about ground rules? Oh, no, no, no.
I just mean like Oh, no, no, no.
I just mean like No peeing in the sink.
I just mean like No peeing in the sink.
Okay.
No peeing in the sink.
Okay.
Great.
Okay.
Great.
What do you say? Great.
What do you say? I think What do you say? I think Let me think about it.
I think Let me think about it.
Yo, yo, yo! Let me think about it.
Yo, yo, yo! Look who's baby-free for the yo, yo, yo! Look who's baby-free for the first night in a million years.
Look who's baby-free for the first night in a million years.
Wow.
First night in a million years.
Wow.
Sweet freedom.
Wow.
Sweet freedom.
Where is Rosemary? Sweet freedom.
Where is Rosemary? Oh, um, she's at my mom's.
Where is Rosemary? Oh, um, she's at my mom's.
She turned my old room into some oh, um, she's at my mom's.
She turned my old room into some baby brain learning lab.
She turned my old room into some baby brain learning lab.
It's pretty awesome.
Baby brain learning lab.
It's pretty awesome.
Kind of hoping the bug would it's pretty awesome.
Kind of hoping the bug would be here.
Kind of hoping the bug would be here.
Why? Be here.
Why? I wanted to show Rosemary why? I wanted to show Rosemary off.
I wanted to show Rosemary off.
I figured, since I introduced off.
I figured, since I introduced you two way back when, that I'm i figured, since I introduced you two way back when, that I'm kind of responsible.
You two way back when, that I'm kind of responsible.
Aw.
Kind of responsible.
Aw.
Hey, babe.
Aw.
Hey, babe.
Um, hey, everyone, this is hey, babe.
Um, hey, everyone, this is Laura.
Um, hey, everyone, this is Laura.
Hey.
Laura.
Hey.
Hey, Laura.
Hey.
Hey, Laura.
Nice to meet you I'm Miles.
Hey, Laura.
Nice to meet you I'm Miles.
Hello.
Nice to meet you I'm Miles.
Hello.
[Silently.]
She's hot.
Hello.
[Silently.]
She's hot.
Miles.
[Silently.]
She's hot.
Miles.
Huh? Miles.
Huh? Susie.
Huh? Susie.
Susie beers, field hockey? Susie.
Susie beers, field hockey? You did our stats that one susie beers, field hockey? You did our stats that one season.
You did our stats that one season.
Susie beers! Season.
Susie beers! Yeah.
Susie beers! Yeah.
Yeah, I don't want to yeah.
Yeah, I don't want to interrupt.
Yeah, I don't want to interrupt.
Hey, me and my girlfriend are at interrupt.
Hey, me and my girlfriend are at the bar.
Hey, me and my girlfriend are at the bar.
She looks The bar.
She looks Strong.
She looks Strong.
Come over later.
Strong.
Come over later.
We'll catch up.
Come over later.
We'll catch up.
We'd love to.
We'll catch up.
We'd love to.
You look great.
We'd love to.
You look great.
Thank you, baby.
You look great.
Thank you, baby.
You too.
Thank you, baby.
You too.
Good to see you.
You too.
Good to see you.
You too.
Good to see you.
You too.
[Laughs.]
You too.
[Laughs.]
We'll come say hi in a bit.
[Laughs.]
We'll come say hi in a bit.
Wasn't that? We'll come say hi in a bit.
Wasn't that? The lesbian whisperer strikes wasn't that? The lesbian whisperer strikes again.
The lesbian whisperer strikes again.
[Laughter.]
Again.
[Laughter.]
[Silversun pickups' lazy eye.]
[Laughter.]
[Silversun pickups' lazy eye.]
[Silversun pickups' lazy eye.]
dude, that's our song.
dude, that's our song.
I know! Dude, that's our song.
I know! I played it.
All: I've been waiting I've been waiting for this moment all my life I've been waiting for this moment all my life but it's not quite right for this moment all my life but it's not quite right I love this song.
But it's not quite right I love this song.
Ba ba ba-bum.
I love this song.
Ba ba ba-bum.
Welcome to my friends.
Ba ba ba-bum.
Welcome to my friends.
Miles, susie beers is looking welcome to my friends.
Miles, susie beers is looking pretty good.
Miles, susie beers is looking pretty good.
I think you got a shot with her.
Pretty good.
I think you got a shot with her.
Cheers to life, baby.
I think you got a shot with her.
Cheers to life, baby.
Cheers.
Cheers to life, baby.
Cheers.
All: it's impossible Cheers.
All: it's impossible if possible at all: it's impossible if possible at whose blind word if possible at whose blind word [Laughter.]
Whose blind word [Laughter.]
so clear but so unheard [laughter.]
so clear but so unheard ow! So clear but so unheard ow! Oh, man, love this place.
A vibrator.
[Buzzing.]
Wow, this is so cool.
Miles, what are you doing wow, this is so cool.
Miles, what are you doing here? Miles, what are you doing here? Say you're my boyfriend! Here? Say you're my boyfriend! I'm Sophia's boyfriend.
Say you're my boyfriend! I'm Sophia's boyfriend.
[Grunts.]
I'm Sophia's boyfriend.
[Grunts.]
We're planning a wedding next [grunts.]
We're planning a wedding next summer.
We're planning a wedding next summer.
Miles! Summer.
Miles! Cat's out of the bag.
Miles! Cat's out of the bag.
Raviva is killing me with cat's out of the bag.
Raviva is killing me with the spending.
Raviva is killing me with the spending.
We got it, guys.
The spending.
We got it, guys.
Okay.
We got it, guys.
Okay.
We're auditioning, like, okay.
We're auditioning, like, 30 guys.
We're auditioning, like, 30 guys.
She's not letting me 30 guys.
She's not letting me audition.
She's not letting me audition.
What are you doing here? Audition.
What are you doing here? You guys know each other? What are you doing here? You guys know each other? Yeah, yeah, we're roommates.
You guys know each other? Yeah, yeah, we're roommates.
He's your roommate? Yeah, yeah, we're roommates.
He's your roommate? Yes.
Why? He's your roommate? Yes.
Why? He's handsome.
Yes.
Why? He's handsome.
We just share the rent.