Unhitched s01e03 Episode Script

So, it's completely dark inside? pitch black.
The whole wait staff is blind.
My friend Gabby said it's a little weird at first, But apparently it really heightens your other senses.
Oh.
it's just too bad I won't get to see Your pretty smile.
Well, guess I won't have to worry about food stuck in my teeth.
Welcome to dinner in darkness.
Just the three of you tonight? I'm kidding.
It should be under kate at 7:30.
Yes, here it is.
so put your hands on my shoulders, And I'll escort you to your table.
Ok.
see you in a couple hours.
Ok, now there's a little bell here In the middle of the table.
If you need anything at all, just give it a ring, And someone will be right over to help you.
Great, thank you.
Oh, I heard they have this fried chicken That's supposedly-- Shh! What?! I think I heard my ex-wife! Beverly? Don't answer him! Ron?! is that you? Who's Ron? he's my brother! What the hell are you doing here with my ex-wife? What you couldn't.
Oh, you son of a-- Sorry.
A little help, please? Could I trouble you for another napkin? Thanks.
So what do you guys want to do today? I don't know, but we are single, and it is the weekend.
We can do whatever the hell we want.
That's right.
the sky's the limit.
world is our oyster.
Let's go to vegas.
hmm.
I don't know.
it's such a hassle.
You know, with the packing and the airports.
Ok, how about that new indian casino? Eh, it's not vegas.
Hey, guys, this is Gabby.
Gabby, this is Freddy, Tommy, Gator.
hi, hi, hi.
Hi, Gabby, nice to meet you.
What are you crazy gals up to today? We just had some breakfast.
mm-hmm.
Breakfast.
wow, you're a little Dressed up for breakfast, don't you think? Well, actually, I'm going to a party.
My friend Wendy's son is turning 7.
What are you giving the kid? wood? I just wanted to look nice.
it's not a big deal.
Don't tell me-- Chad's gonna be there.
Wow, he's good.
Kate, I'm really impressed.
I mean, shoot, if I was coming Face to face with my ex, I'd be a bundle of nerves, But you, you're cool as if a cucumber.
Actually, I'm nervous as hell.
But why are you nervous? you broke up with him.
Yeah, it's been like, what, 3 months? Why are we even talking about this jerk? He's not a jerk, and I didn't break up with him, ok? I gave an ultimatum, And he wasn't quite ready to commit.
Oh, I get it.
No, I see what you're doing.
You're hoping he sees you at the party, You know, all gussied up, Right, and then he sees you, Realizes the error of his ways.
You two get back together, Live happily ever after.
I probably wouldn't have used the word "gussied," But, uh, please come with me.
I really need some support.
I can't.
I'm on call.
I'll go to the party.
you will? Tommy likes kids' parties.
it'ssad.
Mm-hmm.
2 of my favorite things-- Single moms and cake.
Oh, wow, looks like you're in great hands.
Nice meeting you all.
I have to grab a coffee before my 12 hour shift at the hospital.
You drink coffee? I drink coffee.
Well, what a small world.
where do you go? The bean on hanover street.
That's where I go.
north side or south side? North side.
I'm a southie.
Oh, see, had I known, I wouldn't have stepped up on your turf.
Tell me about it.
I can't believe Kate brought you all up in here.
I know.
what do you say? Maybe the bad blood has gone on long enough? Oh, are you implying that we broker some kind of truce? Mmm, I don't know.
Maybe before another drop of cream is shed.
I think it's going to require more than just a handshake.
Come here.
ok.
Ok, I think the north siders are going to be very relieved.
Word.
Word.
bye, everyone.
Bye, katie.
Gee, Gator, what did you think about Gabby? Big fan of Gabby.
dibs.
No dibs.
how come I've never heard of Gabby before? Well, I thought about it, but you're fresh off the divorce, And she's really looking for someone Who's ready for something serious.
somebody solid.
What am i, milk? I'm solid.
Yeah, solid as if a rock.
Ok.
fine.
I'll set it up.
You got any friends looking for someone slightly less solid? Definitely a bad call.
Hey.
hey, Philly.
Hi, phil's baby.
Hello! Thanks for meeting me, guys.
It's not every year your wife lets you out to watch the game.
What are you, crazy? she doesn't know I'm watching the game.
This is me taking the baby for a checkup.
Man, would you look at this place? Crawlin' with talent.
you guys have no idea What I would do with these chicks if I was still single.
So, Phil, how is Stephanie? Good, good, yeah.
Phil.
baby, head.
Right.
sorry, champ.
Odd's on favorite, father of the year award.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I gotta hand off, huh? Oh, don't hand me the baby-- handing me the baby.
Now I'm a man in the bar holding a baby, Holding my nose.
Isn't this nice, the single life, huh? Now, wait a minute.
you're saying that Only because you're stuck holding a baby.
Gator, with your irony, Every day is opposite day.
Hello.
Oh, what a beautiful baby! Oh, he's not a baby, he's just short.
Frankly, he's a little self conscious about it.
Such a cutie.
what's his name? Oh, I wanna say Tyler.
No, taylor? Tyler, taylor.
I don't know.
I'm Gator, by the way.
this is Freddy.
Hi.
I'm Laina.
I'm Sula.
Where are you girls from? Iceland.
What's Bjork like? Can we get you guys a beer? Yeah, there's lots of beer left.
Sorry, we were just on our way out.
Oh, I think I know what the problem is.
There's three of us, and you're afraid That one of you is going to end up with him.
Well, not a problem.
He's totally gay.
how many straight guys do you know Go into a bar wearing booties? Hey, Kate! You look amazing.
Thanks, Wendy.
this is a nice turnout.
Yeah, yeah.
Is everyone coming that said they were coming? Chad's still coming.
I wasn't even thinking of him.
No.
That's great.
that's great.
Oh, and this is my friend Tommy.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
you have a lovely home.
Thank you for having me.
You're welcome.
Uh, quick question.
uh, the mom over there With the purple top and the, uh, sweet cans, is she in play? Thanks for bringing him.
I thought I should ask.
Before.
Hey, what's going on? Oh, hey, Phil.
this is Sula and Laina.
Hi.
nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm sorry, where, uh, where you guys going? To the house where we're staying.
We're nannies.
Nice.
You know, the family we live with is gone for the weekend.
If you want, you guys can come back and party with us.
Yes.
Yeah, they would-- that would--- They would be delighted to.
great.
Great.
Let us just go settle our tab.
Oh, my god, oh, my god, Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god! Listen to me! I have always wanted to be one of those guys In those cliche sexist beer commercials.
It's happening, it's happening! Relax, freddy, we're not going to do this.
What the hell are you talkin' about? Cause I don't want to go hang out at some stranger's house With a couple of nannies who are half my age.
Besides, Kate introduced me to one of her friends this morning.
I can't get her out of my head.
Ok, so you're going to be faithful to a chick You're not even sleeping with? What are you, me? come on, man! You just got divorced! You need this.
this is something you need.
Come on.
You were a legend in college.
Well, I had my fun.
fun? Every night he was carrying up a different Passed out chick to his room! Wait, I never did that.
well, no, I'm just saying, You had to get tons of action.
Well, say that.
what was wrong with the way I said it? Because one way I'm a stud, And the other way, I'm on megan's list.
Oh! sensitive.
Look, all I'm saying is, You've already had your sexist beer commercial.
How about letting this bastard have his? Ok, fine.
we'll do this.
Yay! yes! Oh, wait.
What if they want to party heartier Than I'm prepared to party? Just relax, ok? I'll take you under my wing.
Ok.
But I get suda.
Party foul.
Party bowl? What is a party bowl? A party foul.
party foul.
You're supposed to drink the drink in one shot, Freddy.
Oh, ok.
you know, I'm sorry, guys.
This is my very first time.
I'm newcomer at this tequila shooters, ok? I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize.
isn't he adorable? He's never partied before.
lick the salt, You drink the drink, you suck that lime.
go, Freddy! Lick the salt and drink the drink and suck it! Lick, suck.
Here we go.
down the hatch, ladies.
Cheers.
ha ha! Oh, shoot! Whoo! I did it! Would you like another? Yeah, why not? Go, Freddy! It's gonna be so weird seeing Chad at a kid's party.
I mean, this could have been us celebrating our kid's seventh birthday.
Not that Chad ever talked about children.
Maybe he didn't think you'd be good with kids.
What? why would he think that? I've never seen you talk to kids.
Do you even like them? Me? I love kids.
I think kids are great.
Hey, little skateboarder dude, what's up? It's not a skateboard helmet.
it's a protective device.
He was born with a soft cranium.
Oh, my god, I'm so sorry.
In fact, he'll never skateboard.
Ever.
You said nobody would say anything! I didn't think anyone would.
If only he had a helmet to protect his little heart.
What's the name of the game? thumper! How do we play? Fast and dirty! Oh, that's me.
Aaah! Gator, too late.
Oh, so I have to drink? He said the forbidden word! Wait, wait, why-- I can't say drink? Ha, he said it again! Ok, now that's the whole mug That you must now consume.
Ok.
If it's doctor's orders.
Have I mentioned he's a doctor? Scalpel? L'chaim.
Go, go, go, Gator! yeah! Whoa, mommy! Ok, Gator.
Start this up again.
here we go.
Ok.
Oh! he did not start with his own signal.
Ha ha! imbibe! come on! Oh, my-- are you ok? Ok.
Hey, question.
Pretty sure it's game on with Lucas' mommy.
Do you know if there's a guest room upstairs? Oh, you can't do-- Oh, my god, Chad.
And he brought someone? How could he bring someone? Oh, she is smokin'.
That guy scored.
Again.
again? I gotta go.
Kate.
Chad.
Hi.
how are you? Very good.
didn't know you were gonna be here.
Yeah.
um, Kate this is Julia.
Julia, Kate.
Nice to meet you.
you, too.
And at a kid's party.
so fun.
So fun! I was just saying that, it's so fun.
Ahem.
so you two are, um? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, we kind of are.
Superb.
that's great.
So what about you? are--are you seeing anyone? Me? um, yeah-- yes, I am.
He's, uh, right over there.
We kind of have this open thing going on between-- Will you excuse me? Yeah.
sure.
Ohof course.
Oh, thanks.
Which one's yours? Oh, none of them.
Oh, really? we should stick together.
I didn't think there'd be anybody else here without kids.
No, I have kids, they're just not with me.
My wife got full custody in the divorce.
I get to see them for an hour every 3 weeks.
That's awful.
Yeah.
you were her divorce lawyer.
Mitch nelson.
Oh, right.
you lost weight.
It's the stress of having my children ripped from me.
It's my song! Take it, Laina! No, me, I got it.
Prince charming is here! Prince charming! Hey.
are you ok? Me, oh, yeah.
I'm great.
why? Oh, well, you're just all alone, Not having any fun.
i-- Oh, no, no, no, I make my own fun.
Pepperoni, whoo.
Heh heh.
Kate's hilarious.
Is that an engagement ring? Um, yeah.
It--it was just recent.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
I admire your ability to secure a commitment Just after a few weeks, From a guy who couldn't make one after 7 years.
So neat.
Thanks.
Thank you.
I love kids.
Go deep! Oh, my god! somebody do something! Oh, come on.
Honey, do you really need that? Tommy, I don't know where you disappeared to, But I'm ready to go, and you're my ride.
So if you could just-- Hey, Kate.
I'm having my cake and eating it, too.
Kate? Kate? Kate! Are you mad? And I think it's time that we go now, ok? Oh, come on.
come on! I've just got my second wind, man! Boop.
come on.
Hey, I got you this close To bjorkin' the tall one, huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid there won't be any bjorking today.
Please, Gator, come on, it's time-- We've had so much fun.
thank you so much.
Freddy's right, mister.
You don't look so good.
Hey, hey, wanna know somethin'? Phhtt.
I was a legend.
Give me the funnel.
What are you doing with the funnel? Funnel, funnel, funnel! Might my lady need a ride? Sure.
I'd love a ride.
Oh.
thanks, prince charming.
Mister, mister, mister, mister! No, no.
look at me.
look at me.
You do not want to do this, ok? what are you-- Mister, mister-- no, no, no, not tequila! Mister, mister! Well, it's official.
I'm no longer the same guy I was 15 years ago.
From now on, I only play with people my age.
Well, you'll always be a legend to me, Gator.
I'll go get you some juice.
thank you.
Gator? Is this you? Gabby! I didn't-- Oh, you work here.
That's--small world.
Yeah.
So you're the patient who had his stomach pumped.
Just a skosh.
It was very nice to meet you this morning.
Yeah.
you, too.
So what happened? Oh, just some wine.
I mixed the white and the red.
I'm never gonna do that again.
Listen, if you're not busy a little bit later-- Hi, Gabby.
hey.
Gator, I just got a text message from Laina and Sula-- No.
stop.
and they feel terrible For pouring tequila down the funnel instead of beer.
You were funneling tequila? No.
oh, yeah.
This afternoon, we were totally raging with these icelandic nannies.
Thank you.
Oh.
Kate didn't mention you were such a partier.
Well, it was a one-time random thing.
Yeah, although in college, This guy was famous for carryingsed out girls up to his room.
I never did that.
Yeah, ok.
um, I can discharge you, So you can get back to the frat house.
Oh, no, no, no.
that's not-- That's not what happened.
Gator, you really blew that one, didn't you? Yeah.
When you offer someone a ride, It implies a car.
Sorry, milady.
Tis in the shop till, methinks, tuesday.
Really, no need to keep going With the old english thing, ok? Copy that.
charming!